Buffy looked down in her drink, and tried her best not to think about Spike. The look on his face when she had broken up with him had been heart breaking. And stupid as she was, she’d had to call him William as well, making it clear to him that she wasn’t only rejecting the demon, but the scrap of humanity he had left in him as well.
Being distracted in her slaying, it had taken her to the point where she nearly had gotten bitten to realize the danger she was putting herself in to by not paying attention. Willow had suggested a night on the town to clear her mind, and had been planning to go with, but then something had come up. So that’s why Buffy was downtown in a club she’d never been to before. The Bronze was a place where she could meet someone she knew, and she didn’t want that.
“Stupid vampire,” she muttered, and looked up when the MC walked up on the stage.
“Welcome ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to our open mic night!” He was rewarded with a round of applause and he smiled. “Okay, first up is a regular, please give it up for Will!” he announced, and then walked off the stage. Despite feeling the tingle in her neck that told her that a vampire was near, Buffy ignored it. She’s been feeling it constantly for a long time now, and she’d learnt not to pay too much attention to it when she wasn’t in a place she could get attacked. Buffy looked back at her drink, but her head shot up when an all too familiar voice was heard.
“Hi again. I wrote another song, and though the person I wrote it for never will hear it, I hope you’ll enjoy it”
Buffy looked up in disbelief at the stage and her eyes widened in shock when she saw Spike standing on the stage with a guitar. She hadn’t seen him in a month, and Buffy could only stare. He strapped on his guitar, closed his eyes, and started to sing, his voice just a bit bitter, and full of emotion.
“Are we done for now,
Or is this for good,
Will there be something in time?
With us there should.
Only girl for me is you
There can be no other one
If I didn't have faith
I would come undone
So much promise in your eyes
Seems that I can only see
It always makes me wonder
If you save it all for me
Maybe you do
Maybe you don't
Maybe you should
Probably won’t...”
Buffy was spellbound, mesmerized by Spike’s voice, which was sweet as caramel. Looking around, she noticed that while the guys didn’t seem too interested, all the females in the room were practically drooling. Buffy felt a sting of jealousy run through her, but ignored it.
“There will be other guys
Who will whisper in your ear
Say they'll take away you sadness
And your fears
They may be kind and true
They may be good for you
But they'll never care for you
More than I do
I'll be always there
There to the end
I can't do much
But be your one true friend
To the end
Through the end
Our lives to spend
With each other till the end
Of time...
Still see the promise in your eyes
And still wonder if it's for me
But I know it's still there
Even when you sleep
So I say, good night sweet girl”
The song ended, and though the entire place broke out in applause, Buffy was frozen. She could only gaze at the vampire as he made his way off the stage after a quick ‘thanks’. Making a quick decision, Buffy grabbed her jacket and rushed out of the club, knowing that she needed to talk to him. Not seeing him over the heads of the very tall people in front of her, she jumped up repeatedly before making her way over to the bouncer.
“Excuse me, do you know where Will, a bleach blond, kind of Billy Idol look-alike guy, went?” she asked, and the bouncer nodded.
“Yeah, he always goes out the back entrance, don’t know why though. He has quite the lot of fans who want to meet him”
Buffy gave a small smile, and then walked to the side of the building. Just as she rounded the corner she stopped; because standing there, smoking, was Spike. He looked at her, and Buffy started to walk slowly towards him, clenching and unclenching her hands into fists. When she was close enough so that she could see the blue colour of his eyes, she spoke.
“Hello Spike,” she said, and watched as he threw away the cigarette on the ground.
“What brings you here, pet? Thought you’d be off doing your sacred duty.” Bitterness was lining his voice, and Buffy shook her head.
“Took the night off.” A moment of silence passed between them. “How’ve you been?”
“Not bad, you?”
Buffy shrugged. “Been better.” An uncomfortable silence grew between the two blonds. “I heard your song,” Spike tilted his head in a very Spike-like fashion at her statement.
“Did ya now?”
Buffy nodded. “I did. And I’m sorry,” Spike looked at her in surprise. “For being such a bitch to you, you didn’t deserve it.”
Spike nodded. “Yeah I did, on some level. I didn’t stop you, did I? I knew what we did was killing you, but I did nothing to stop it. I can’t go with you into the light, so instead I tried to drag you down into the darkness with me. Bloody stupid if you ask me” He chuckled, and Buffy let out a small one herself.
“I think so too. I’m sorry about me and Riley blowing up your crypt.”
“It’s nothing luv, I was thinking about getting a new place anyway.”
“Where are you staying now?” Buffy asked curiously as Spike lit up another cigarette.
“I’m looking around. Haven’t really stuck to one place for more than a few days”
Making a quick decision, she spoke again. “Well...If you want, you could...you could stay in my basement,” she blushed, and immediately regretted the words coming out of her mouth when she saw the look Spike gave her.
“Did you just ask me to move in with you?” he asked, and Buffy turned an even deeper shade of red.
“No! I mean, not in the move-in-togetherness way. I just thought that...if you needed - you stupid vampire, you’re just messing with me, are you?” she exclaimed, and Spike gave a teasing smile.
“Yeah, I am. It’s fun though” Buffy smiled, and Spike took a long drag of his cigarette. “This is nice. Just the two of us talking like this.”
Buffy agreed and then, taking a leap of faith, said something she thought she’d never say. “You maybe wanna go out sometime?”
Spike, due to his surprise by her question, swallowed the smoke and started to cough. “Go out?” He said between coughs. “You mean like a date? I thought that I was just an evil disgusting thing.” He quoted her own words.
Buffy shook her head. “You’re not. I’ve been thinking a lot the past month. Just because you have a soul doesn’t that mean that you’re good. I mean, Hitler had a soul, right?” It wasn’t really a question, so she continued. “So, yeah, like a date.” Buffy gave a look that reminded Spike that she wasn’t just a slayer, but a woman as well - an insecure woman who needed someone who didn’t leave - someone who stayed. “I mean, if you want to...God I’m so stupid, I shouldn’t have said anything...”
“Sure” Spike interrupted her, and then smiled. “You want me to walk you back home?”
Buffy smiled. “I’d like that”
Spike threw away his second cigarette for the night and then the slayer and vampire started to walk slowly out of the alley, and out on the street. Stealing glances at each other every other stride; Buffy gave an embarrassed smile whenever their eyes met.
As they walked, Buffy’s mind was in a jumble. She couldn’t understand what had gotten into her. It was true what she’d told Spike; she had been thinking a lot in the past month. And she had found the shades of grey she hadn’t seen before. Having a soul didn’t automatically make you the good guy. And the lack of soul didn’t make you the bad guy.
She had found herself comparing Spike with Angel a lot over the past month. She always used the argument that you couldn’t love without a soul, but that wasn’t true. Spike and Drusilla had been together for over a century without souls, and Angel, with one, couldn’t even stick around for two years. Angel without a soul equalled him killing her friends, Spike without a soul saw him taking care of Dawn, taking care of Buffy. Even in the summer when she was dead, Spike had looked out for Dawn, no questions asked.
“A penny for ‘em?” Spike asked, drawing Buffy out from her thoughts, and she gave him a confused look.
“What?”
“Your thoughts pet, you seemed pretty far away”
“I was just thinking,” she replied, and Spike raised his scarred eyebrow.
“About?”
“You. Me. Us.” Her cheeks turned a slightly pink colour, and Spike smirked.
“Is that right? You want back a bit of cold comfort?” he teased, even though they both could hear that there was a serious undertone. Looking up, Spike stopped when he saw that they were standing outside Buffy’s home. “Here we are, luv,” he said, and Buffy climbed the steps and turned to face him. They were the same height now, and were standing only a foot apart.
“Thank you for walking me home,” she told him softly, Spike smiled.
“No problem luv. Didn’t have anything better to do.”
“You call me regarding that date?” She asked, a playful smile grazed her lips, and Spike laughed.
“Will do slayer, will do”
Something about the way he had said it, and the way he was looking at her, made Buffy unconsciously move a bit closer to him. The uncertain look on his face told Buffy everything she needed to know before she gently pressed her lips against his. The kiss was tender and sweet, and stayed that way even when Spike pulled her closer to him, his arms around her waist. Buffy put her hand up behind his neck, drawing him nearer as she poured all her emotions into the kiss. Pulling away, they rested their foreheads together as they panted slightly.
“Buffy?” he whispered, and she attacked his mouth again. The kiss reminded her so much of the one they had shared in the Bronze under the stairs months ago, and she moaned quietly against his lips. After a few minutes of soft kisses, the two blonds pulled apart, and Spike’s blue eyes bore into Buffy’s green ones.
“I want to start over” She stated simply, and Spike trailed her cheek with the palm of his hand.
“Start over as in what we had before?” he asked, almost afraid of the answer. He took her hand in his, holding in gently.
Buffy shook her head. “No, start over as in having a relationship.” Spike’s eyes lit up, hopeful. “I don’t love you” Spike’s face fell at her harsh words. “But I could. If I let myself, I could” When she saw Spike’s face become illuminated from the light inside, she looked at the house, and then back at Spike. “I should go inside, Dawn’s waiting for me”
Spike nodded. “I understand. I’ll see you tomorrow?” His voice was tender and full with love and hope.
Buffy nodded. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” Planting a kiss on his lips, she smiled. “Good night Spike”
Spike caressed her hair, and gave a smile of his own. “Good night sweet girl,” he said and, holding up their joined hands, placed a kiss on the back of her hand, before he gave her one last smile and then turned around and left, his duster flowing around his legs.
Buffy remained in the same place for a few minutes, looking after him, a goofy smile on her face.
“My vampire,” she said proudly, and then walked inside.