[Reviews - 100]
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Microsoft Word Chapter or Story | ePub eBook Chapter or Story | Printer Chapter or Story

Has been viewed 3511 times

- Text Size +




Chapter 30: I Fall To Pieces


[A/N: The fun stuff comes to a halt for a while starting with the last chapter. Now comes the sad part of the story.]


A few days went by.

The former couples had a hard time seeing each other at work. Xander and Spike tried convincing Cordelia and Buffy to give them another chance to explain. But the girls held fast, not budging from their false 'I hate you now' speeches. Until the guys could come to them saying how they didn't care what Lilah says or does, they didn't want to hear anything from them. They told them as much. And it wasn't like Xander or Spike could offer a better reason without revealing the truth.

Lilah was busy catching up with the inner-workings of the studio, so she hadn't had much of a chance to speak to either of 'her boys', much to their relief. They wished they never had to speak to or look at her again.


Buffy and Cordy sat on Cordy's couch, eating Ben & Jerry's ice cream right out of the cartons. Cordy was working her way through some Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough while Buffy gorged on Chunky Monkey.

"Men suck!" Cordy sniffed.

"Yeah, they do! Who needs them?!," Buffy agreed, shoveling another spoonful into her mouth.

"Why are they such assholes?" Cordy asked rhetorically. "Why do they feel the need to bullshit you?"

"Because they're evil. They...They make us think that they care about us. He told me he loved me! Like he thought I'd be a big, stupid girl and forgive him, leaping into his arms! I hate him..."

"I...miss Xander," Cordy said quietly, swirling her spoon around in the ice cream.

"Stop that! That's just what they want! They're probably laughing at us right now...about how they got us to love them. They should both rot."

Cordelia nodded sadly.

They ate in silence.

Buffy sighed. 'I thought you really wanted me too, Spike. I almost gave in for a second. The way you looked when you said that you loved me. You looked so sincere. I guess I'm still stupid, naive Buffy Summers from Sunnydale, no matter how many skin flicks I make. God, I miss him so much...It hurts so bad.'

"How about some music?" Buffy said with false cheerfulness.

She turned radio stations, frowning at each song before turning to a new one. 'Breaking Up Is Hard To Do', 'One Day in Your Life', 'Harden My Heart', 'Always Something There To Remind Me', 'You Outta Know', 'Never Fall In Love Again', 'Unbreak My Heart', 'Why Can't I?'...

Buffy growled and pounded on the radio until it stopped playing.

Cordelia looked at her in shock.

"Sorry..." Buffy said, holding her injured hand to her chest.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Spike and Xander sat in their living room, Spike laying on the couch, Xander kicked back on the recliner. Misery and despair rolled off of them in waves.

Xander sighed. "Hey, maybe you can call Giles? He can come over and we can watch soccer...or rugby...some kind of guy stuff to get our minds off...We need to do something, not just sit here."

"I already called him. He and Anya are going on a trip, Some little inn up the coast for a few days," Spike mumbled.

"Did you tell him what's going on?"

"No. Didn't want to spoil his fun. Just 'cause we're unhappy doesn't mean we should drag him down," Spike said.

"Yeah. Still, it would be good for you to talk to him about it."

"I don't want to tell him the truth. He'll probably try to do something--go to Lilah and read her the riot act or something. I can't take the chance of him pissing her off."

"Spike...I think that Buffy would deal with it. If you told her that--"

"No. You didn't see her, Xander. I'm not going to put her through that. I'm not telling her. We'll think of another way out of this. Our agent is looking at our contracts right now. Maybe Mr. Trick can find a loophole or something so we can threaten to quit or sign with another company unless Lilah stops." Spike was obsessed with keeping the blackmail from Buffy.

Xander sighed again, but nodded. He wished that Spike would just tell Buffy the truth and they could all deal with it together. Xander couldn't help thinking that Spike was making an even bigger mistake by not being truthful.

The phone rang.

Spike answered, "Hello?"

"William, how are you, dear?"

Spike sat up. "Hi, Mum. I'm...okay."

"You don't sound okay. What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm just tired. Is everything alright with you? You don't usually call."

"Yes, dear. I was thinking of you and just wanted to hear your voice."

"Oh, that's sweet, Mum." Spike smiled slightly.

Part of him wished he'd never left Sunnydale. His life had been boring and unfulfilling, but he had an innocence there that he missed. If he had never left he wouldn't be so depressed right now, he wouldn't have a psycho femme-fatale claiming ownership of him. But...he never would have met Buffy either. That was unthinkable--She was everything to him. He'd only really come alive the day that he met her. Spike was clinging to the hope that they could still be together somehow.

"William? Something is wrong. You're very subdued."

"Nothing's wrong, Mum. Just...Buffy and I are...having a little trouble." Spike added quickly, "But don't worry, it's just a small thing. We'll work through it."

"Oh, I'm sorry, luv. Couples do argue from time to time. But she's a wonderful girl, and I know what a wonderful young man you are. I'm certain that you'll work it out."

"Yeah...we will. So don't worry, okay?" Spike tried to inject lightness into his voice.

"Alright, William, I'll try not to worry. Oh, your cousin, Wesley just arrived today! He's looking very fit and healthy. I keep telling him that he needs to settle down and find a special someone. But does he listen
to me? Of course not."

"That's good to hear. Where's he staying? I could give him a call." Spike didn't really feel like interacting with anyone, but it would be nice to say hi to Wes. He had looked up to his older cousin since he was a boy.

Anne gave Spike Wesley's number at his temporary lodgings, the Sunnydale Arms Hotel.

"He's looking for a proper flat. I offered for him to stay here at the house, but Wesley's a stubborn one," she chuckled.

"I'll give him a call tomorrow," Spike promised.

"Good. I don't want to keep you, dear. You can call me tomorrow at the usual time to chat. I love you, William. Tell Xander hello and give him a hug for me."

Spike felt the sting of tears in his eyes. "I will. Love you too, Mum. Bye."

He hung up and wiped his eyes.

"Is she okay?" Xander asked.

"Yeah, Mum's fine. Me on the other hand...I'm a bloody mess. I feel like crying all the bloody time. It was all I could do to get through the conversation without bursting into tears."

Spike leaned forward, putting his face in his hands.

Xander got up and sat on the couch next to his friend, putting an arm around him.

"I know the feeling, Kimosabe."

Spike looked at him and laughed. "Kimosabe?"

Xander shrugged and smiled.

"Cousin Wes has arrived in Sunnydale." Spike changed the subject.

"That's cool. You guys can catch up over the phone."

"Yeah...don't feel like socializing though. Don't feel like doing anything. Oh, Mum sends her love and a hug."

Xander smiled. "She's a sweet ol' gal. You going to relay the hug and love?"

Spike put his arms around his friend, giving him a tight hug.

They leaned against each other, watching tv for a while.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


The next day, Xander and Spike were speaking to their agent on the speaker phone.

"I'm sorry, boys," Mr. Trick said. "Your contracts are sewn up tight."

"There's no--loophole thingies?" Xander asked.

"Nope. Nothing like that. These folks know what they're doin'. There's nothing I can do for you, as far as getting out of the contracts is concerned. I could always try to renegotiate for more cash though. But,
believe me, they'll never reduce the length of the contracts. You two are valuable commodities to them. You want me to go ahead with that?"

Xander leaned his head back and breathed out. "Yeah, why not. Take them to the cleaners at least."

"You onboard with that, Spike?" Trick asked.

"Yeah...go ahead."

"Right. I'll call you when I hear something. Bye now, boys."

They heard the click of him hanging up.

"Shit. I was hoping Mr. Trick could find something...anything."

"Valuable commodities." Spike rubbed his temples. "That's what he said we were. And he's right. We're just merchandise--Lilah's property."

"Cheery thought #132 for today!" Xander said with sarcasm.

"Sorry." Spike lowered his head.

"We'll make it through this, man." Xander gave him a one-armed hug. "It's a little early in the day, but...How about a beer?"

"I could definitely go for one, thanks, mate."


A little later...

Xander answered the front door. Lilah stood on the other side looking peeved.

"What do you want?" Xander asked coldly.

Lilah stormed past him into the living room where Spike sat nursing a beer.

"What's going on? Your agent contacted me and Richard about renegotiating your contracts?" Lilah put her hands on her hips.

"So?" Spike asked.

"So?! Did you two, or did you not, get big raises in pay after the Vampire Layer movie? We won't consider another pay raise until the Spring."

Xander came back in and sat next to Spike on the couch. They both regarded her icily.

"We feel that we deserve more now," Spike said. "Working for you has...lost it's luster, shall we say?"

"Oh, I see." Lilah grimaced. "You're still upset about the girlfriends thing."

Xander laughed mirthlessly. "The 'girlfriends thing'? Yeah, you could say that. God--You're such a cold-hearted bitch! You forced us to stop being with the women we love! How can you be so blasé about it?"

Lilah glowered at him. "I did what was for the best. Someday you'll thank me for it."

They shook their heads.

"Don't count on that," Spike said.

"Didn't you miss me at all while I was gone?" Lilah asked them both.

"I'm sure you were just pining away for us on those sunny, Mediterranean beaches," Xander said.

She sighed and sat next to Xander. "Look...can't we get past this? Remember all the fun we used to have? Can't we be like that again?"

Lilah touched Xander's leg. He jerked away like his reflexes were being tested.

"Don't touch me."

"That goes for me too," Spike added. "The only way you'll ever get me to touch you again is through more blackmail. The sight of you makes me sick."

Lilah shot off the couch and looked down at them. "STOP IT! Act normal! Act like you did before with me!"

"Act normal?" Spike raised his eyebrows.

"Yes! Stop being assholes about this!"

"We're assholes?" Xander asked.

"Why can't it be like it was before I left on my trip? Why can't you two get over it?!"

"By 'it', I'm assuming you're referring to threatening the woman I love with abject humiliation if I didn't dump her? Is that what 'it' means?" Spike held his anger in check, just barely.

Lilah blinked, feeling severe pangs of remorse. "Just...stop it. Behave normally."

"This is as normal as I get, Lilah," Spike said coldly. "You made me hurt the only woman I've ever loved. Because of you...she hates me. I'll never forgive you. The thought of touching you again makes me want to heave. You want to threaten me with something else to make me fuck you?"

"No! I--I wouldn't do that!"

Lilah wanted Spike and Xander, but never like that. She wanted them to want her just as much as she wanted them.

"What?" he acted shocked. "You have some kind of morality? There's a depth to which you wouldn't sink? Color me surprised."

"I take it you share his opinion, Xander?" Lilah asked, making an effort not to shake. She was angry--but also deeply ashamed of herself.

"I agree 100% with Spike," Xander said, crossing his arms. "I'm crazy about Cordelia...but I couldn't let you hurt Buffy like that. You ruined both of our relationships in one fell swoop...Congratulations. Two guys who used to adore you, now hate your fucking guts. I can't wait for my contract to be up--I'm so out of here. It'll be soon if our agent finds a loophole."

Lilah looked from one to the other, forcing a grim, hard expression on her face. For the first time in years, she felt like weeping. She hid it well, appearing only cold and angry.

"Fine. If that's the way you want it. Remember, sweetie, you chose to break up with her the way that you did." Lilah left in a rush, slamming the front door.

Xander and Spike breathed out when she was gone. Spike's upper lip twitched up with anger. He had to leave out the blackmail part when he had told Buffy. It pissed him off even more that Lilah was trying to make him feel responsible for what happened, when it was her threats that prompted the necessity for it.

"Thank God...I thought she would threaten me to get me to sleep with her," Spike ran a hand through his hair.

"At least she didn't stoop to that. How can she expect us to act like nothing's happened?"

"I don't know. I misjudged her...badly," Spike said, full of sorrow.

Xander put an arm around his friend. "Yeah, me too."


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Spike laid in bed staring up at himself in the mirror, wishing he could see Buffy laying next to him.

He was currently listening to some Country music (something he usually didn't listen to) on the radio. Patsy Cline's 'I Fall To Pieces' was playing.

Xander came in and sat next to him. "Uh-oh. Country music--the music of pain."

"Yeah...it's good 'I'm so depressed that I want to die' music," Spike muttered.

"That it is. If they play some Hank Williams, we may as well just shoot ourselves."


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Buffy was laying in her bed with the radio on.

She was mouthing the words and crying quietly along with the song, 'Never Knew Love Like This Before' by Stephanie Mills.

Cordy came in and sat next to her, patting her leg.

"This is the way I felt about him, Cordy," Buffy sobbed. "I hate music!"

Cordy turned off the radio. "Stop listening to the ironic stations."

Buffy sniffled. "I bet he's with Lilah's skanky ass right now...making love to her."

"Don't think like that. You'll just drive yourself nuts."

"Too late...I'm already nuts. Why did he do this? Why did they do this to us? Everything was so good. I was...s-so happy." Buffy's face scrunched up into a 'crying face'.

"Aw." Cordy put her arms around Buffy and hugged her.

Buffy hugged her back, crying on her shoulder.

"We've got to get tougher," Cordy said with a hitch in her voice. "If they see they've got us all weepy and sobbing, they'll win."

"I know...it's just so hard! I can't take seeing him everyday. He always gives me those puppy dog eyes...that pouty lip..."

"Buffy, remember, he has no reason to look like that. All of this is his decision. Xander and Spike could have told Lilah that they loved us, and nothing she could say or do would change that...But they
didn't. They folded like it was fucking laundry day. They never really loved us."

"No...he loved me...I know he did," Buffy said, trying to convince herself.

"Then why, Buffy? Why would he drop you like a hot potato? I really thought I knew Xander. I thought he was different than the sleazeballs I've met since I moved here."

Buffy nodded, wiping her nose. "That's what I thought about Spike too."

"Why don't we give them a taste of their own medicine?" Cordy asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, why don't we go on dates?"

Buffy shook her head. "No, I couldn't."

"Well, I'm going to. I'll find some hot stud and parade around and flaunt it in Xander's stupid face! I'm 21 and you're 18--We're young, gorgeous and available. Let's show those pricks that there are lots of other guys that would jump at the chance to go out with us."

"I don't know...It really wouldn't be fair to the guys we go out with, would it?"

Cordelia shrugged. "Believe me, guys rarely want more than a couple of dates. They aren't thinking how beautiful you'll look in your bridal gown or picking out names for your children. They just want to get you into bed. I don't think we'll be breaking any hearts."

"You think...maybe Spike would get jealous if he saw me with someone else?" Buffy asked, biting her lip.

Cordy smiled. "That would be nice, wouldn't it?"

"Yeah. It would."

Buffy hoped that maybe Spike would get so crazy with jealousy that he'd beg her to come back to him, Lilah be damned. She was so angry with him for doing all of this, but she still loved him more than anything.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Spike saw Buffy standing at the buffet table, having a coffee and talking to Lorne. He took a deep breath and walked up to her.

"Hi, Buffy. How are--"

Buffy turned around and scowled at him. "Did you decide to tell Lilah to go fuck herself for a change?"

"Yikes," Lorne made a face. "I left some pop-overs in the oven--I'll just go check on them, shall I?" Lorne made a quick escape, not wishing to get involved in their argument and be forced to take sides.

Spike looked away from her. "Uh...I..."

"Did you?"

Spike closed his eyes.

"Then, fuck off, Spike. If you choose to grow a pair and tell Lilah that you'll date whoever you want--Then maybe we'll talk. But not before."

Buffy walked away from him.

That's the way things went every time Spike tried to speak to her. They couldn't even be in the same room anymore without her stinging him with a barb or two.


"Hey, B," Faith said.

"Hey."

"I heard about you and the Spikey One. Sorry." Faith patted her shoulder.

"Thanks."

"Is it definitely over between you guys?"

"Why do you ask?" Buffy asked suspiciously.

"'Coz I was thinking if he's back on the market..."

Buffy's mouth hung open. "Real nice, Faith! Some friend you are!"

"Hey," Faith put her hands up, "no offense or nothin'. I don't want to marry him. I just wanted to know if you guys were really broken up."

"Yeah, we are. I can't believe you! You're supposed to be my friend, but the minute I break up with my boyfriend, you're ready to jump him?"

"Take a pill, babe. I am your friend. But when it comes to sex, I don't have a lot of rules."

Buffy looked at her with disgust. "Do whatever you want--I don't fucking care!" She stormed off.

Faith sighed and shook her head. Buffy was too sensitive. Like Faith was going to pass up a chance to play with Spike's meat puppet now that he was free?


Buffy was miserable. Spike was miserable.

They each spent their nights curled on their sides in bed, hugging a pillow and missing the other.

It was worse when they were both informed by Warren that they'd be doing a movie together.


TBC...





You must login (register) to review.