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A few days later….

“Oh Spike!” the woman was moaning. Obnoxiously loudly. “Oh baby. Oh fuck!”

Buffy and Faith were in their hall. Faith was watching television, while Buffy was studying for her exam. They’d come home late one night to find their new roommate occupied.

Both decided the best thing to do was just to ignore the sounds coming from his bedroom. It hadn’t worked.

“Ugh,” Buffy said. Shaking her head in frustration, she slammed down her pencil. And rising from the table, plopped down on the sofa next to her girlfriend. Finding concentrating on her studied impossible.

“Should we check on her,” Buffy whispered. Into Faith’s ear. “I mean, he could be killing her or something.”

Faith said nothing. Her girlfriend was staring at the television. Zombie-like. Intently watching the TV show Hannibal. Enraptured, by among other things, at sight of a golden-haired Gillian Anderson.

Faithey certainly does have a type, Buffy had to admit.

“Babe,” Buffy said. Churlishly. “Are you even listening to
me?”

“Of course I am,” Faith said. Glancing at Buffy. Then looking back at the television. Ogling the blonde goddess on screen.

“I’m just saying…” Buffy began.

“Yeah baby!” the woman moaned from the bedroom.

Interrupting Buffy'' thoughts.

“Oh yeah! So fucking good.”

“I think she’ll live,” Faith said. Wryly. Then turned her attention back to the television. “And if not, what a way to go, right?”

Buffy rolled her eyes. Now, the unseen woman in the
bedroom shrieked her pleasure.

It was only the next morning when Buffy and Faith were sharing breakfast that the woman finally emerged. Walking gingerly.

“Hi,” the unfamiliar blonde said. Her voice a little too chirpy for Buffy’s taste. “You must be Spike’s roomies.”

“Buffy,” the blonde said. Taking a leisurely sip of her coffee.

“Faith,” the brunette said.

“Nice to meet you both,” the blonde said. “I’m Anya.”

“And how do you know Spike?” Faith asked.

“Oh, we’re orgasm friends,” Anya said. Casually.

Causing Buffy to spit out the coffee she’d been sipping.

“I mean, we were friends first,” Anya said. Helpfully. “Then I caught my fiancée cheating on me. Then, last night, we moved on to the orgasm bit. Hence orgasm friends.”

“Thanks for the clarification,” Faith said. Wryly. Handing Buffy, a kitchen towel to clean up the mess she’d made.

“I mean, men, right?” Anya added. “So evil. One minute they tell you they love you and the next they’re sleeping with your third cousin.”

“Which is exactly why we got off the team,” Faith said. “Right B?”

“Damn straight,” Buffy said.

“You’re not trying to recruit me, are you?” Anya asked. Frowning. “I mean, no offence. You’re both very nicely shaped and you smell good. But ya know…”

Buffy gave Anya a withering look.

“And I should go,” Anya said. Suddenly. “I’m late. Would you two do me a favour?”

“Sure,” Faith said.

“I couldn’t find my panties this morning,” Anya said. “Would you mind calling me if they turned up?”

The next few days found Buffy and Faith experiencing deja vu. They’d come home to find their formerly spare bedroom rocking.

Joyous moans from the woman in question Spike had brought home earlier that evening. Inevitably keeping them awake till late night.

The next morning, Spike would be sleeping it off while the woman would turn up to their kitchen.

First, was beautiful busty Cordelia Chase. A snooty model who turned up her nose at Buffy and Faith.

“Get the fuck out of here,” Faith said. “Before I lose my cool and bust your lopsided ass open.”

Next was a ditzy blonde named Harmony. Who, much to their amusement, accused them both of wanting to steal her Spikey-bear.

“Crazy bitch,” Buffy muttered. Slamming the door in her face.

Next up was sweet, wholesome Kate. A female cop just as nice as nice could be. Buffy and Faith found her in their kitchen – making them delicious pancakes.

Then, Darla. A 40-year-old MILF.

“Used to go to school with my son,” she explained to the two women. “We ran into each other at a bar.”

“He was a right real wanker too!” Spike yelled. Sticking out his head from his bedroom door.

Darla shot both women a slightly abashed look.

“But the way I see it, we’re even now,” Spike added. With a smirk. “More than even, I wager.”

Now, Darla giggled.

“Fancy getting a little more even?” she asked.

“Get your sweet ass in here,” Spike said.

Darla gave both women a little wave. Then returned to the bedroom.

Then, girl next door Fred. Who, blushing adorably, was unable to meet either of their eyes. She practically fled upon being offered a cup of coffee.

50-year-old Lillah. Lighting up in their kitchen – much to Buffy’s dismay – in her rumpled powersuit.

“It’s nice when two people know exactly what they’re looking for,” Lilah said.

Then, Chinese-American stunner Xin. Who didn’t speak a word of English, but made several inappropriate hand motions to indicate what had occurred the previous night. Leaving Faith in splits.

“Maybe we should ask him to get a hotel room a couple nights a week?” Buffy asked. Late one night as they lay together in bed. Listening to yet another woman praising Spike’s talents in the bedroom.

Faith shot her girlfriend a look.

“Just a thought,” Buffy said. Defensively.

Finally, the voices next door had died down. Momentarily
at least. Buffy let out a deep sigh.

“It’s like living with Ron Jeremy,” Buffy said.

“Who?” Faith asked. Her eyebrows furrowed.

“Ron Jeremy,” Buffy said. Crinkling her nose. “You know, the pornstar?”

“Isn’t he dead?” Faith asked.

“No,” Buffy said. “I mean… maybe?”

Now, Faith laughed.

“When was the last time you watched porn B?” Faith asked. “1988?”

“Shut up,” Buffy huffed.

“Oh Spike!” the woman moaned again. “Oh baby. So good!”

“Ugh,” Buffy said. Slamming her head into her pillow.

“You know,” Faith began. Then trailed off.

“What?” Buffy asked.

“About that problem we’ve been having,” Faith said.

“Yeah,” Buffy said. Unsure of where Faith was going with this.

“I mean…the solution is staring us right in the face B,” Faith said. “Talk about killing two birds with one dick.”

“Faith Theresa Lehane!” Buffy said. Sounding as scandalized as she looked.

“What?” Faith said. “It’s not like either of us haven’t been with a man before.”

“That was…” Buffy began. “That was different. That was before…”

“Before us,” she said. Now, she reached out and touched Faith’s hand.

“I mean, would you even want to?” Buffy asked. “You know.”
Faith considered it.

“I mean,” the brunette said. “I can certainly see why some women would find him hot.”

“Some women?” Buffy asked. Skeptically. Withdrawing her hand. “Am I lying in bed with ‘some women’ right now?”

“Do you find him hot?” Faith asked. “I mean… would you have? Before us?”

“Faith,” Buffy said. Her tone one of plain annoyance. Her voice rising and falling in a sing-song manner.

“Come on B,” Faith said. “It’s okay. I can take it. I’m a big girl.”

“I mean,” Buffy said. “The bleach-blond hair. Leather jacket. British accent. Kind of sallow, but in a hot way.”

“That sounds like a ‘yes’,” Faith noted. Shrewdly.

“Would you have?” Buffy asked. Eager to put her girlfriend on the defensive. “Before us, I mean.”

Now, Faith contemplated it.

“I could see it,” Faith said.

“So, we both would have,” Buffy summarised. “Before us. I still don’t see the point.”

“I think you do,” Faith said. Giving her girlfriend a knowing look.

“I can’t believe we’re actually talking about this,” Buffy blurted out.

“Why not?” Faith said.

“Faith!” Buffy said. “The reasons for why not could fill an entire library.”

“Come on B,” Faith said. “Let’s have a little fun. You and me. Together.”

“Do you think he’ll go for it?” Buffy asked.

Faith snorted. She had to restrain herself from laughing uproariously.

“Are you kidding me, babe?” Faith asked. “Does the Pope shit in the woods?”

“Okay, stupid question,” Buffy admitted. “But like… won’t you get jealous?”

Now, Faith smiled.

“Won’t you?” she asked her girlfriend.

“I…I would,” Buffy admitted. Softly.

Faith paused.

“Me too,” Faith said. Finally. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t at least discuss it.”

“Hypothetically you mean?” Buffy asked. Emphatically.

“Purely,” Faith said.

The women moved closer together now. And began discussing, in low voices, discussing in earnest just how such a tryst between the three of them could occur.

Purely hypothetically, of course.





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