She still didn’t fully understand her feelings for him. Just the thought of Spike made something tug at her heart, and it puzzled her how she could just now be discovering feelings like this after all the years she’d existed.
And then there was the heat—the desire—that coursed through her every time he touched her. Those feelings, the raw need, defied anything she’d ever known. Muses were not meant to be sexual beings. They were meant to inspire any number of reactions in others of course, but they themselves were supposed to remain immune to desperate lust.
Perhaps it was a side-effect of the bond she’d formed with Spike. It was common practice, of course, for a muse to form a bond with the human she was meant to be inspiring; however, perhaps Spike’s intensely sensual nature had affected the bond in an unexpected way. Is that why she wanted Spike so desperately—because he wanted her?
Or perhaps it was not merely his feelings reflected in her, but instead his sensuality awakening something buried within her. Had the connection she’d opened between them served as the catalyst for what was happening to her now?
Still, it could just as easily be the conclusion she’d reached the day before, when she and Spike had been in the shower—they were some sort of soul mates, destined to fall for each other, only to have fate cruelly rip them apart.
Whatever the cause of her newfound passion, Buffy supposed it didn’t really matter. The outcome was the same. She was with Spike now, but she couldn’t stay. She wanted him desperately, yet she could never truly have him.
Reasons, explanations—they gave her nothing to mend her heart as it started breaking, even now before she’d lost him. The knowledge she would soon was heartache enough.
How would she keep going when their time together was over? How could she keep existing for the rest of eternity and never again see Spike?
If it were simply a side effect of their bond, then maybe these feelings would go once the connection was severed. Maybe she could stop feeling this way once Spike was no longer with her.
Yet somehow, that thought scared her even more. Even if she could never have him, she didn’t want to forget what it was to love him.
Spike stirred in her arms the looked up, his eyes blinking slowly as he came to. “Mornin’, luv,” he said as he stretched, his husky voice making her tremble with want.
“Good morning,” Buffy replied, deciding to push away her worries for the time being and enjoy the time she had with Spike. After all, these memories had to last forever.
Spike moved up, changing their positions so now she was resting against him. “You’re not in any rush to get out of bed this morning, are you, pet?” he asked as he stroked her hair.
“No.” Buffy ran her hand down his chest. “I was hoping maybe you could, um, wank again.”
“Mmm…I have no problems with that suggestion,” Spike told her as he thrust his already erect cock against her. He dipped his head to kiss and nip at her neck, making Buffy gasp in pleasure. It amazed her what he could do with so little effort.
“Buffy?”
It took a moment for Buffy to process that he’d spoken her name, her mind already lost in a haze of desire, and when she did, the best she could manage was a, “Hmm?”
“Exactly what constitutes ‘virgin’ according to your rules?”
Buffy’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”
Spike’s hand curved around one of her breasts, his thumb rubbing gently over the nipple. “Can I touch you between your legs, luv? With my hands…maybe with my mouth?”
The very thought of what Spike suggested made Buffy whimper, even if she didn’t quite understand why he’d want to. Still, she forced herself to answer with her brain and not her body. “I don’t know. I’ve never exactly asked.”
“Then we won’t push it,” Spike said, giving her neck one more kiss before rising up above her on his arms. “We know some things we can do and be safe, so we’ll stick with those.”
“I liked it when you rubbed, um, your thing against my bottom. That felt nice,” Buffy told him with lowered eyes.
“Did you now?” Spike replied as he leaned in and nipped at her earlobe. “I liked that, too. You’ve got such a nice, firm arse, Buffy. Makes me wish I could do all sorts of naughty things to it.”
Buffy couldn’t even begin to fathom what sort of “naughty things” Spike could be talking about if it was more than what he’d already done, but she sure wished he could do them anyway. If she could, she’d let Spike do whatever he wanted to do to her, as long as he could somehow ease the burning in her blood.
“Roll over on your stomach, pet,” Spike ordered, his eyes already dark with desire. Buffy immediately did as he requested, then grabbed a pillow from near her head and handed it back to him. Spike grinned at her eagerness, happy to see she seemed to genuinely enjoy this and wasn’t doing it strictly to please him. He wanted her, but at the same time, he didn’t want her to be helping him get off just because she felt like it was now part of her job.
Spike propped Buffy’s hips up with the pillow, then leaned forward, covering her body with his. He took both of her hands, curling his over them, and stretched her arms out, smiling at the way she gasped. Careful not to slip too far, he moved his hips until he felt his cock nestled between the curves of her rear.
“Can you feel me, luv?” he asked hotly, his lips against her ear. “Can you feel my cock pressed against you, hard and needy for your touch?”
“Yes…” Buffy gasped, arching her hips to increase contact. “Oh, Spike…”
“God, Buffy, what I’d do to you if I could,” Spike said as he began to move, carefully sliding between her cheeks without allowing his cock to slip too far down and push into her folds. “I’d fill you up, make it so all you knew was me and my touch. I’d bring you so much pleasure Buffy—make you weep from it.”
Even without feeling him inside of her, tears were already pricking her eyes. “Spike…I…ooh…” She didn’t know what to say, how to voice what Spike was making her feel. It was new, and it was overwhelming.
Spike didn’t make her try to find the words. “Shh…it’s okay, sweetheart. Just feel, yeah? Let me do for you what I can, make that ache inside not so harsh for you, baby.”
“Please…” Buffy begged, wanting him to do what he was promising. She wanted to feel.
“I’m drunk on you, Buffy. You’re surrounding me, filling me up. Every thought, every dream—it’s all you. You’ve inspired more than my poetry, luv. You’ve inspired everything about me.”
Buffy gasped at his words as she rubbed herself shamelessly against both Spike’s body above her and the pillow beneath her. She wanted that bright shattering of pleasure she’d felt with Spike before, wanted the peace that came with such a release.
Spike let go of one of her hands and took hold of her face, turning it so he could kiss her. He moaned hungrily into her mouth, immediately seeking out her tongue with his, and Buffy tightened her grip on his other hand as she met the passion in his kiss.
Finally, he broke away, breathing heavily as he did. Buffy recognized from his expression how desperately he was hanging onto control. He wanted to snap, to give in and take her, headless of the consequences.
It surprised her to discover that there, in the heat of the moment, part of her wished he would.
“Can I roll you over?” Spike asked, his breath coming in harsh, uneven pants. “I want to try something I think you’ll like.”
“Do it,” Buffy replied without question, trusting him in whatever he wanted to do to her.
Spike flipped Buffy onto her back and slid the pillow out from under her, discarding it to the side. He straddled her body and leaned down, resting his cock between her breasts before taking hold of the soft mounds and pressing them to surround him. Buffy gasped as he began to slide between the valley of her breasts, his thumbs stroking her nipples as he did.
“You like this, kitten?” Spike asked, looking down at Buffy’s flushed face.
“Yes…” Buffy replied, following her response with a moan. “It feels good.”
With her approval of this new position, Spike began to thrust harder, his eyes closing and his jaw tightening as he drew closer to the edge. Buffy watched his cock sliding between her breasts with rapt fascination, noting the way the tip of his cock leaked with precum as it slid towards her face. Spike’s thrusts were brining him closer and closer to her mouth, his thoughts now centered on his need.
Buffy licked her lips, wondering if she could give into the urge she was feeling. Would Spike be upset if she tried such a thing? It seemed like a very strange thing to do, and she wondered why an idea like that would even enter her head. But then again, Spike had mentioned earlier about kissing her between her legs, so perhaps it wasn’t so strange. Maybe he would even like it.
Spike’s eyes snapped open at the first pass of Buffy’s tongue across the head of his cock. He watched as she did it again, then moaned in pleasure. A voice in the back of his mind warned him that perhaps this was crossing whatever sort of line delineated “virgin” in magical muse land, but he was too far gone to stop now.
“Yeah, luv, that feels good. Take me into your pretty little mouth.”
Buffy opened for him, allowing him to slip past her lips, and Spike used every bit of willpower he had not to thrust wildly. He was certain Buffy had never done anything like this before, and he didn’t want to scare or hurt her.
“Wrap your lips around me now. Suck on me, like a piece of candy.” She followed his instructions, and Spike moaned again. She was sucking on him with just the right amount of pressure as her tongue made sweeps across his cock inside of her mouth.
Spike wanted this to last. She was looking at him so intently as she eagerly blew him, and he wanted the moment to stretch. His body, however, had other ideas, and he knew he couldn’t hold off his orgasm for long under this sort of stimulation.
He pulled back from her, meeting with a cry of protest from Buffy. “I’m about to come, pet. I didn’t want to do that inside of your pretty lil’ mouth."
Much to his shock—and pleasure—Buffy pouted. "But I wanted to taste you again, Spike."
"Buffy, I don't know if…" he tried, afraid of what might happen if he gave in to her request.
"Please, Spike. I want this. Let me…"
He shouldn't, he knew, but dammit, he was only human, and a gorgeous woman was begging him to let her taste his cum. He'd never been strong enough to say no to that.
"Open your mouth, pet," he told her, reluctant still to release inside of her, because of both Buffy's inexperience and the hazily defined "virgin" policy.
Buffy opened her mouth, eagerly awaiting what was to come. Spike rose up onto his knees, straddling her as he pumped his cock with his left hand. Buffy watched him intently, the sight making her shake with desire, and she reached out through the connection, wanting to again share his pleasure.
When the first burst of his semen hit her mouth, Buffy's body bucked, his orgasm bleeding over their link to become hers as well. Still, she eagerly swallowed what hit her tongue, relishing the taste of him. It was a part of Spike, and she wanted it all.
Finally, Spike collapsed beside Buffy on the bed, sighing in completion. She lapped up the rest of his spendings from her lips, the scooped up the rest with her fingers before licking those as well.
Buffy turned to look at Spike, noting that he'd watched her cleaning herself, his eyes darkened with renewed lust, even if his body wasn't quite ready to keep up with him. "You are the sexiest woman I have ever known," Spike told her, nothing but sincerity in his voice.
"So it's okay that I wanted to put it in my mouth?" Buffy asked. "I was worried it would upset you." She frowned as Spike burst into laughter. "What?"
"Pet, I don't think I've ever met a man who would have a problem with getting a blowjob. We tend to rank them quite highly on our list of favorite things. It's usually the woman who isn't too fond of it."
"I don't see why," Buffy said, turning so she could curl against Spike's side. "Maybe other men aren't as tasty as you are."
Spike smiled down at her. "Quite possibly, pet."
Buffy nuzzled against Spike's chest. "I'm glad I could please you, too. I worry about not being enough since you can't do what you really want to do with me."
"Sweetheart…" Spike took Buffy's chin in his hand and tilted her face up so he could look into her eyes. "Anything you do makes me happy. If all I could do was lay here and hold you, it would be better than anything I ever would've dreamed of before I met you. Having you in my life, even if it's only for a little while, is the greatest pleasure you could ever give me."
Buffy had no words for a response to his heartfelt confession. In all of her other pairings with poets in the past, she'd always felt like no more than a tool, as meaningful as his paper or his pen. She was there simply to perform a service, nothing more.
Yet with Spike, she felt none of that. She didn't feel used, didn't feel like something easily discarded.
She felt…treasured.
"Thank you," she whispered before leaning in and capturing his lips for a kiss.
Please review!
Starting next week, this fic will be posted on Tuesdays and Thursdays instead of Mondays and Wednesdays. Sorry if this is a problem for anyone!