Chapter 2.
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For the fifth night in a row he found himself standing outside the restaurant looking in through the stained glass windows.
He follows the blond with gleaming eyes as she swept the floor, greeting customers with fake smiles and making small talk with the other employees. Her hair is greasy, her posture slumped and tired. He doesn’t care. He knows who she really is. He knows the real her. He tucks his black coat around him as he is swallowed up by the foggy night.
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Buffy opened up the door to her apartment and let out a big sigh. She did her normal routine and sank down with damp hair on her bed.
She felt the familiar flutter in her stomach and spread her legs. She let her fingers erase the memories of the day. A beach. The ocean. Paris. Ice cream. Sunshine.
Back in high school after IT had happened. The school psychiatrist told her to meditate whenever she got too depressed. To think of happy things. She had taken the concept to heart but maybe changed it a bit. Whenever she felt the shadows were threatening to overtake her, she slipped into the part of her brain that held good memories. She craved it like a junkie craved a high. Ever since the encounter in the alley she had added a few things to that folder. Dogs, ribbons, blue eyes, high cheekbones, leather… But then her head decided against her, a black casket, black eyes, black trees. Darkness. “Please no....” Her body tensed like a bow being stretched.
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Beeeeeeeeeeep.......... She opened the front door and saw the man she hadn’t seen in almost two weeks standing outside the door, looking at her. Expectantly and hungrily. Without a word she let him in. Her rational side screamed that she had no idea who he was. Whatever. Come what may.
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“Anything else sir?”
Buffy jotted the down the new order and turned to Xander by the grill.
“Two eggs and bacon and-”
“Hey, even I, with my not by any means large ears heard the man ordering ham and beans.”
“Oh…”
“What are you thinking about there Buffster?”
“Nothing.”
Buffy on the floor on all her four. Screaming for him to fuck her some more. Him whispering unspeakable words in her ear.
“Absolutely nothing.”
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“We belong together, luv.......”
Buffy was moving back in time. Across wide spaces of time and space. Her mother pulling her first breath, then her last. A black room with white curtains. A hand trying to draw Buffy closer. Large, black eyes like gleaming stones. A voice whispered. It wanted to drag Buffy down into the cold ground. Buffy didn’t fight it. Instead, she screamed and climaxed. She felt him smile against her throat and how he lowered her to the ground, unwrapping her legs from around his waist.
She again became aware of their surroundings and that people actually could see them. She looked around but the shadows in the corner of the Bronze seemed to have hidden their deeds. Lately the had moved from her apartment to alleys, graveyards and public bathrooms. She had the feeling he was trying to stretch her limits, to make her…like him.
“We belong in the darkness you and I.”
He helped her to stand upright as they sneaked out from the club. He took her home to her apartment and again she let him do what he wanted with her, bending her body in ways that seemed to defy gravity and left her bruised and swollen. His actions stopped bad, dangerous thoughts from entering her brain, in the short spaces of time she had with him she felt free – free of her past, free of life. With his body, he told her about places she hadn’t been to, about a future that could be hers. If she wanted it.
“Let me show you how good it feels.......”
With him she began to think that the darkness might not be such a bad place. Maybe it was better to simply embrace it, conquer it, make it hers.
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“Buffy Summers?”
Buffy looked up from the grill and swiped the sweat from her forehead.
“Yeah?”
A young man in a Hawaiian shirt smiled at her.
“Here. These are for you.”
A large bouquet of roses hid his face. She accepted the flowers with apprehension and read the note. Your true beauty lies In your soulful eyes This work done by Gods hands You smile, my heart expands The awkward words gave her a pretty good clue to who had written it. She threw the flowers in the trash.
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Buffy lay on her side, her chest against the blonds back.
“What’s your name?”
“Spike.”
“Your real name?”
“I don’t know.”
“Why me?”
“I’ve told you. We belong together.”
“But really. Why me?”
No answer.
“Who are you?”
He turned around so that they were now face to face.
“I don’t know.”
She lifted her hand drew her fingers through his soft muzzled hair. “You’re beautiful.”
“I-I am?”
His voice for the first time revealing a hint of uncertainty.
“Yes. Hasn't anybody ever told you that?”
“No.”
The look on his face was one of awe. Buffy had to look away because of its intensity. Instead of fucking her brains out like he normally did, he kissed her hand with a gentleness she didn’t know he possessed. His eyes bluer than ever.
“Can we just sleep for a while?”
Buffy answered by snuggling closer to him, eyes closing.
When she awoke it was still dark. She stirred a little at a feeling she first couldn’t place. But then she felt HIM. He was inside her. Her head in a daze she felt Him fucking her from behind. She was lying on her side with Him behind her. An arm round her waist held her in place in a grip like a vise. Her leg was raised the air, held their by a firm hand. And He was inside her.
“Come with me… Come with me… Come with me” If she had been fully awake she would have asked him where to.
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Buffy leaned back on the sofa. Her psychiatrist watched her with a puzzled look on his face.
“I’m curious. Why did you call me? It’s been over 2 years since our last session.”
“I thought I could try to be honest with you this time.”
“You have never wanted to answer my questions before Buffy. What’s changed?”
“Do I need a reason? I just…I’ve met someone.”
“Tell me about him.”
“I don’t know anything about him.”
The psychiatrist frowned but kept quiet.
“I feel…like I don’t fit in anymore. Even less than before.”
“We all feel like that sometimes.”
“Yeah I know. But not like that. I mean… like I really don’t fit in. like I’m supposed to be somebody else, like I have a purpose.”
“Like you were supposed to have been alive during a different time you mean?”
“I....." She sighed. "Maybe. It’s hard to describe. It’s like I've got a destiny but I haven’t found out what it is yet.”
“Well maybe you do. I don’t have those kinds of answers Buffy. Does this have to do with that mystery man you’re dating?”
“Yes. No. Maybe. He’s different. And we are not dating. Exactly.”
“Buffy. You need positive things in your life. Things that make you happy, that helps you move on.”
“I know. I know. But I am changing, Giles. It’s just that I don’t know what I’m changing into.”
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It was Friday night. The Bronze was filled to the brink with drunken teenagers dancing and drunken middle aged men watching.
Buffy was in the middle of the dance floor, dancing by herself. She moved slowly to the music and squeezed her eyes shut. In the dark with the steady beat from the music pounding in her ear she felt like one with the music. She let her hands touch her breast slightly as they traveled upwards, reaching her hair. She felt someone watching her and opened her eyes; Xander was standing in front of her staring at her with large brown watery eyes. He was drunk.
“Hi there” Buffy slowly danced her way over to where he was standing.
“Xander! I didn’t know you were the dancing type.”
“I’m not.”
“Oh?”
Xander placed a nervous hand on her hip.
“A friend of a friend dragged me here. I really didn’t wanna come, but things seem to brighten up.” '
“Oh really?”
“Really.”
“Come Xander – dance with me.”
“Two beers, please” Buffy said giving the bartender a flirtatious smile.
Behind the bartender was a small TV attached to the wall. Buffy’s eyes found their way to the screen and she suddenly found herself looking into a pair of green eyes. Look at that. The chestnut haired girl’s career was officially over. The model had been found badly beaten in an alley and was now sleeping the sleep of the almost dead in a hospital bed. No one knew if she ever was going to wake up from her beauty sleep. Fans, doctors and family members all prayed for her. Buffy’s mind wandered to the model’s boyfriend. Was he devastated with grief or was he glad to be rid of her? She hadn’t seen him since that night she saw both of them in the Bronze. Maybe she had cheated on her little Willie and he had found out about it. But she doubted the weak looking man would have had the strength to kill anyone, even less beat anybody nearly to death. She danced with Xander for a bit longer, purposefully turning him on. She didn’t know why she did it but it made her feel powerful. When she finally got bored with her game she abruptly excused herself and lied about having a head ache. Of course he offered to follow her home. Of course she declined.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Here is the secind chapter of Split. The third is on its way soon. Let me know what you think.