Chapter Four


Xander was almost shaking by the time he made it to the Magic Box. He kept seeing the ‘obvious’ flirting going on between Buffy and Spike and the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to ram a pointy stick into the blonde vampire.



He should have known this would happen, he kept telling himself. Buffy was to driven by her emotions to think rationally. She had been this way since her return from the grave. She ‘always’ went along with what everyone around her did or said and he was sure it didn’t take much for Spike to convince her that his feelings for her were ‘real’.



Opening the door to the store and slamming it shut, he was breathing heavily as he stomped into the lower section, his eyes darting around the room. “Where’s Giles?” he asked angrily, looking over at Anya.



“He went home, what’s wrong?” Anya asked coming out from behind the counter, seeing the look on Xander’s face.



“Oh, nothing much….just Buffy has gone completely crazy!”



“Crazy? What happened?”



Xander laughed, shaking his head as he started pacing the room. “Ask me where I found her! No, better yet, ask me ‘who’ she was with WHEN I found her!” He yelled, “NO, how about …ask me what I saw….”



“Xander!” Anya yelled, her eyes wide as she watched her fiancé rant like a crazy person in front of her eyes. “Calm down and tell me what happened.”





~*~*~*~*~





“What the hell was that?!” Buffy half yelled and sputtered as she sat up slowly, bringing her hands up and trying to wipe the thick yellow slim that was running down her face away.



Spike smiled as he turned to her, seeing her sitting on the ground, wiping her face and spiting out the demon slime as it slide down her face. “That was a Bworkthan demon.”



“A bora who?” Buffy asked, trying to wipe her hands off, only to encounter more of the foul smelling demon slime before she sighed and looked up at Spike. “What are you smiling at?”



“You.” Spike said chuckling slightly as he slowly walked over to where Buffy was sitting and held his hand out for her. “I told you to duck, remember?”



Buffy rolled her eyes before reaching out and grabbing his hand, letting him help her up. “Yes, but you didn’t say he was going to explode when you beheaded him!”



“You didn’t ask, and I don’t think we had time to discuss it before he killed us.”



“I know, but this stuff really reeks.” Buffy whined as she looked down at herself, seeing the yellow slime coating her body. “I’ll never get this smell out.” She said, wiping at her face with the back of her hand.



Spike laughed, shaking his head before shrugging his duster off and pulling the long sleeve pullover he had on over his t-shirt off. “Not my fault you don’t listen, now hold still.” Spike said as he brought the shirt up, wiping the sludge off of Buffy’s face.



Buffy closed her eyes as Spike tried to remove as much of the demon goo as he could and she couldn’t help but inhale deeply as Spike’s scent suddenly surrounded her. She had never really paid much attention before, but now that his shirt was gently running across her face, she could smell a mixture of leather, cigarette smoke and something she was sure was distinctively Spike.



Spike smiled to himself the minute he heard Buffy’s heartbeat pick up its tempo and knew he wasn’t imagining what he had been thinking all evening. She had laughed and seemed to be enjoying his company as much as he was enjoying hers. When they weren’t staking fledglings or killing the occasional demons they ran across, they walked and talked, something he didn’t ever see himself doing with her. It wasn’t like they were discussing anything life altering, but it was just friendly conversation and Spike didn’t think he had had a better night in more years than he could remember.



Buffy knew Spike could hear her heart pounding in her chest but no matter what she tried to think about to try and calm it, she couldn’t seem to let go of the fact that he was standing so close to her or the fact the he had one hand cupped around the side of her neck. His hand was cool against her flesh and Buffy was finding it more difficult to concentrate as the minutes passed by. She still couldn’t understand where the sudden emergence of feelings towards Spike came from but wasn’t in any place to diagnose them at the moment.



Opening her eyes up, Buffy looked up as Spike ran the soft cloth over her lips, wiping the remaining traces of slimy fluid from her face and she was almost completely breathless as she watched him. It felt as if he were drinking her in as his eyes followed the path his shirt made over her face and she unconsciously leaned forward as Spike’s eyes finally lifted up to meet hers. They both stood there, staring at each other and Buffy swallowed hard as her mouth went suddenly dry at the sight of Spike’s eyes darkening to almost the color of night as she stared up at him.



Spike wondered what she was thinking as he stared down at her and the almost insane idea that she wanted him as much as he wanted her flitted through his mind, as the look in her eyes as she stare up at him gave him the small crumb he had been after since the disastrous night he had chained her up and professed his love for her and he wasn’t about to loose another opportunity.



Buffy knew it was coming before he even lowered his head and knew that ‘anything’ that stopped it this time would die painfully by her hands as she tilted her head up, silently giving him the signal that she wanted this as much as he did.



Spike felt all the unneeded air leave his body when Buffy leaned up and a ghost of a smile played across his lips as he lowered his head. He wasn’t sure when his eyes closed, but all he could think of at that moment was that if he didn’t live to see another day he would die happy knowing he had one brief moment of bliss as he finally made contact with her.



Buffy almost gasped as she felt the coolness of his lips softly cover hers and it felt like her body had melted on contact. How her lips seemed to be set ablaze by the soft, cool wisp of feather light touches was beyond her but she felt her entire body go numb as Spike’s arm slipped around her waist and pulled her closer to him.



It was unlike anything she had ever felt before. The cool brush of air that passed over her lips and the almost burning sensations on her neck as Spike’s hand moved its way up the column of her neck to rest just under her jaw made her dizzy. She leaned in, wanting to feel him against her and she heard a soft moan escape his throat when she felt the hardness of his chest pressing against her.



The kiss was slow and almost chaste as their lips softly played against each other, small movements that held promise of things to come and Buffy was disappointed when it was over quicker than she wanted. Opening her eyes, she looked up, seeing the dazed look in Spike’s eyes and wondered why he had stopped.



“What’s wrong?” Buffy asked shyly, almost scared to hear why he had broken the kiss.



“Nothing.” Spike said quietly, staring down at her. He wanted nothing more than to completely devour her, to taste her the way he had wanted to since he first realized he was in love with her but fought against the urge to do so. He had made it this far and wasn’t about to mess it up now by pushing.



The small lapse of time and the fact that Spike had ended the kiss before taking the time to do more than brush his lips with hers had Buffy’s insecurities in overdrive as she looked up at him. *I thought he wanted this* she said to herself, glancing away from the stormy blue eyes as her fears and self doubt once again poured over her.



Spike smiled, knowing what she was thinking when she looked away before he gently stroked the side of her face with his thumb. “You smell.” He said quietly, his smile widening as Buffy’s head shot up.



“I what?”



“You smell.” Spike said again, raising a scarred eyebrow at her as he looked down at her. “I think I like the normal smelling Buffy as opposed to the demon gore smelling one.”



Buffy’s mouth opened as her eyes widened slightly as she looked up at him. “You stopped kissing me because….I SMELL?” she asked incredulously.



Spike chuckled lightly, the look on her face making it difficult not to. “Well, does make it difficult to concentrate when you smell like something just died.”



Buffy felt her face heat up and for once it wasn’t the usual blush creeping its way up her neck but the all to familiar frustrated anger she normally felt around him. “You pig.” She said loudly, bringing her hands up and pushing him away from her before she turned and stomped off, leaving him standing there. She couldn’t explain the pain in her chest or the reason for the blinding sting in her eyes as she walked away. *He stopped kissing me because I SMELL* she kept repeating to herself as she quickened her steps, trying desperately to get away before the flood of tears she felt pooling in her eyes fell forward.



Spike clenched his jaw as he reached down, snatching up his duster and slipping it back on before he took off after her. He sighed heavily, cursing himself for being the stupid git he had just been and wondered if he would ‘ever’ get it right. He hadn’t meant to hurt her feelings, but didn’t feel like explaining the fact that he had been ‘scared’ for the brief moments the kiss had lasted and the obvious stench she was carrying seemed like an easy out. Apparently he was wrong…..yet again.



Quickening his steps he saw her just as she neared the entrance of the graveyard. He could tell by the way she was walking she was mad and knew he had blown his chance. “Buffy wait up!”



Buffy felt the mixed desire to run like her life depended on it, or turn back to him when she heard him call her name, but her stubborn side had her legs widening their stretch and walking faster. Her arms were swinging wildly at her side and she could almost hear her heart thumping in her chest as her adrenaline from her anger and the sudden disappointment of the kiss she had been wanting for days had her breathing erratic as she neared the cemetery gates.



Straightening her back and lifting her head, Buffy marched towards the entrance, determined to put the whole night behind her but gasped loudly when she was grabbed around the waist and turned.



“Not so fast princess, I’m not through with you.” Spike said as he pulled her tightly up against him and lowered his head, catching her lips in a bruising kiss.



Buffy went completely weak kneed as Spike crushed her body against his and leaned down, crushing his mouth to hers. She barely even registered that the loud moan she had heard came from her own throat as she felt the cool sweep of Spike’s tongue slide across her lips before she opened her mouth.



It was like the fourth of July as bright lights and ear popping bangs sent Buffy’s world collapsing in on itself. She was glad Spike’s arms were wrapped tightly around her as her legs seemed to turn to jell-o and her entire body hummed with electricity as Spike invaded her mouth. It was a battle she knew neither would win as their tongues fought and battled against the other.



Bringing her arms up, Buffy wrapped them tightly around his neck, clinging to him like he was the only thing grounding her to the earth and she inhaled deeply, gathering up his scent as she tasted him. He was fire and ice, death and creation and she knew she was forever lost. Never had she been kissed so passionately and the tingling sensations coursing through her body had her desperate to submerge her entire being in him and never come up for air.



Spike knew she needed to breathe and reluctantly pulled back, his own unneeded breath catching in his throat as Buffy opened her eyes and gasped for air. She was heaving in large amounts of air, as she stared up at him and he smiled as he raised his hand, bringing it up and brushing her hair away from her face.



“I didn’t mean what I said back there.” Spike told her softly as he brought his hand to rest on her cheek.



“Yes you did.” Buffy told him smiling, her anger at him completely gone.



Spike chuckled slightly as he stare down at her before finally noticing what a mess she was. Her hair was plastered to her head, long strings of blonde coated in yellow goo and he didn’t think she had ever looked so beautiful, especially seeing how she had a smile on her face that lit up her eyes and it was directed at him and because of him.



“I love you Buffy.” Spike said and was almost wishing he could have taken it back the minute it slipped from his lips. He hadn’t told her since before she took the dive from Glory’s tower, but in that instant, he needed to her know that she would always be the most important thing to him.



Buffy smiled, seeing the small flicker of doubt and fear that always took over his face anytime he said those words to her and for the first time since she had heard him say it, she welcomed the sound of it. “I know you do Spike.”



It felt like a weight had been lifted off of both of them as Buffy finally admitted that his feelings for her were real and not some mixed up delusion that he had created. It felt good to say it and not have harsh words follow it and the warm feeling that overtook Buffy’s body as the words slowly sang through her head had her knowing that she would miss them if she never heard them uttered from his lips again.



Spike leaned down, brushing his lips across hers, closing his eyes as he felt the light sting from tears he was determined not to shed. Knowing she believed him was enough for him, even if she never felt the same, knowing that she accepted his feeling as real was enough.



Buffy smiled happily as the light coaxing kiss ended as she opened her eyes, sighing lightly as Spike smiled down at her. “So, what now?”



“Depends.”



“On what?” Buffy asked, feeling relaxed for the first time in longer than she could remember as Spike leaned forward, laying his forehead against hers and wrapping his arms around her tighter.



“Oh what you want.”



“And what if I don’t know what I want?”



“I’ve got all the time in the world Buffy, I’m not going anywhere.” Spike told her smiling.



Buffy smiled back at him and knew he wouldn’t. If all the beatings and constant screaming never drove him away, she knew he wouldn’t leave now, not after giving him the ‘crumb’ he had asked for so long again. “Well, I guess you can start by walking me home.” She told him, “I promised Dawn I would come home early and have that talk she’s wanted to have.”



“Alright, I can do that.” Spike said, pulling back away from her and instantly missing the heat from her body.



Buffy smiled, despite missing the comfort she had felt in his arms and grabbed his hand, linking their fingers together as they turned and headed out of the graveyard. She sighed contently, glancing over at him as they headed for her house and she prayed that things would finally start looking up for her. She had a man who loved her and even though he wasn’t the quintessential ‘boyfriend’ she had imagined she would find, he was there none the less and at the moment…..he made her feel grateful that she was alive.





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