{A/N: There's a lot of angsty and sad doin's a' transpirin' in this chapter. Hang in there, gentle reader!}
A week after the Prom was graduation. The students and their families all gathered on the lawn of Sunnydale High for the open air ceremony.
When Buffy's name was mentioned, her cheering section hooted and clapped.
Spike stood up, whistled loudly and shouted, "That's my girl! You did it, babe! Yeah, Buffy!"
Buffy giggled and blushed as she accepted her diploma from a dour-looking Principal Snyder.
She and Spike had grown closer than ever since Prom night.
He had been a jerk at first about taking her to the dance, but he'd more than made up for it. Buffy had talked with her girlfriends about it, and she realized that, yes, Spike was amazing and wonderful, but he was still human, he was still a guy. He'd mess up occasionally. She could deal with that. Especially if the making it up to her was as spectacular as the whole Prom thing and the week since then had been.
The only thing that marred the day for Buffy was that her father was once again MIA. He'd sent a bouquet of flowers and had a brand new TV/DVD player combo delivered to her house, along with his regrets. Apparently, Vicki had some kind of crisis again. It hurt -- It hurt a lot. But Buffy could easily settle for having her best friends, her mom, Giles and of course, Spike as her support system.
The rest of the day was spent partying and having fun. The graduates were elated to finally be out of high school or 'the Hell Mouth' as they called it.
As a graduation present, Spike took Buffy on a shopping trip to buy new clothes for college in the Fall and a weekend at a quaint little Bed and Breakfast up the coast. Needless to say, Buffy approved.
A few weeks passed
Buffy was at Spike's house almost nonstop.
They had discussed the possibility of her moving in with him instead of the dorms, but they hadn't come to a decision. Buffy thought that maybe she'd need to live on campus to be closer to her classes, but the temptation to actually live with her lover was great.
Willow, Oz, Xander and Cordy were frequent guests at Spike's place, too. They hung out and watched movies, played games, swam in the pool (Cordy and Willow couldn't help giggling a little every time they saw the pool) and spent the night at least once a week.
The gang made sure to be at The Bronze whenever Spike performed to support him. He was playing there more often to bring in extra money. He still had a healthy bank account thanks to his previous escorting jobs, but that money wouldn't last forever.
Spike was also trying to write more often. Buffy would give him some quiet time to work on his poetry and short stories. She'd bring him something to drink or a snack while he worked at his computer in his den. He looked so adorable with his wire-frame glasses on that she ended up straddling him on his desk chair and ravishing him more than a few times. Spike would always smirk and tell her that he was due for a break anyway. There was nothing like a good shag to get the 'creative juices' flowing.
Things were going well. Too well...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Spike sat in his living room with his and Buffy's friends.
The only people missing were Buffy herself and Joyce. Buffy was helping Joyce out at the gallery tonight and would join the rest of them later.
Xander, Willow, Oz, Cordy and Giles sat around talking and watching some Monty Python DVDs.
The doorbell rang.
Spike got up and went to the door, a smile on his face. He was anxious for Buffy to get back to him. They were doing a little better at being separated for short periods of time.
When he opened the door, the smile faded fast.
Drusilla, his former lover, was standing there, a wide grin on her face.
Her waist-length, brown hair was perfectly coiffed, falling down her back in large curls. She was wearing one of her typical outfits: ankle-length, red, velvet; the bodice was laced up the front; her breasts were practically hiked up to her chin; a pair of high-heeled ankle-boots completed her outfit.
"Hello, Spike." (She pronounced it 'Spoike')
"Dru...what--what are you doing here?" Spike asked, taken aback at seeing her again.
"What? I can't pop in and say hello? May I come in?" she asked pushing past him, not waiting for an invitation.
"Oh! Are you having a party?" Dru said when she came into the living room and saw the others.
She grinned and clapped her hands together. Everyone looked at her, creasing their brows.
"Uh, kind of..." Spike muttered, following after her. "This really isn't a good time..."
"Aren't you going to introduce me, Spike?" Dru clucked her tongue and wagged a finger at him. "That's very naughty and rude, my Spike. Bad dog!" She growled and snapped her jaws at him.
"Uh...hey, Spike, who's your friend?" Xander asked slowly.
The woman seemed to be...off a little bit. Not playin' with a full deck...
"This is, uh, Drusilla. She's a...an old friend I met while I lived in New York." Spike ran a hand through his hair.
He didn't want Dru around his dad and friends. She was part of his old life, not the new one that he was building with Buffy. And it seemed like Dru hadn't lost her love of the drug-scene yet. She looked higher than a kite. Her pupils looked huge in her wide brown eyes.
"Friend?" Dru laughed. "We were much more than that, pet!" She looked at Giles. "Is this your Da? I remember you showing me that picture of the two of you."
"Yeah...Dru, this is my father, Rupert," Spike said, he was frantically trying to think of how to get her out of here.
"Pleasure to meet you, Rupert. Such a manly name, Rupert is," Dru sing-songed.
"Erm, yes. Nice...to meet you as well." Giles didn't like the looks of her at all.
Dru scanned the girls' faces. "Is one of these lovely, young girls your lover, Spike?"
Cordy and Willow didn't like the tone of Dru's voice when she asked that. It held a threatening and dangerous quality.
"That's...none of your bloody business, Dru! I think you should leave," Spike said firmly.
"But I've only just arrived," Dru said, strolling over to the couch and settling down into it next to Xander.
Xander leaned away from her a bit, smiling politely.
"Well, I figured that you must have a special someone in your life for you to quit on me. And after I chatted up the other owners about how good you were, too. Made me look bad, it did..." Dru smiled, scratching her long red nails lazily along the arm of the couch.
Dru had been enraged when she heard that Spike wasn't going to work at the escort service in L.A. He was one of the best in the field and she hoped to re-ignite their passion while he was there. She'd missed him too much since they broke up. She knew that it had to be some spotty chit that was making him change his ways. She vowed to fix that situation, fast.
Spike's face tightened, the color was rapidly draining from his face.
'Oh God! She's going to tell everyone! I have to stop her before she says it!' Spike thought.
"Leave, Dru! Get out!" he panicked.
"What's the matter, luv? Oh! Don't your good friends know what you used to do for a living?"
"I think you should do as he asked, and leave, young lady," Giles said. He had never met Dru before, but he'd certainly heard enough to know he didn't like her. Not one bit.
When Dru only laughed in response, Spike went over and took her by the arm, lifting her off the couch.
Dru squirmed out of his grasp.
"Ouch!" She pouted and rubbed at her arm. "Not fair to manhandle me, my Spike. You're so much bigger than me."
Spike held up his hands, he didn't want to hurt her.
"Just go, Dru. I'm not yours anymore."
"That's true..." Dru grinned evilly. "You were anyone's for quite some time, weren't you? Well, anyone's who had a few thousand pounds to spend on your services, anyway."
"Shut up," Spike whispered, his blood turning to ice water.
"Just what are you insinuating?" Giles said gruffly, standing up.
Dru giggled. "Spike used to be the leading male escort in all of New York."
"Shut your bloody gob!" Spike shouted, his world collapsing around his ears.
"Oh, Spike! Don't have a thrombo, luv! I can see the vein throbbing in your temple... I'm not insinuating anything, Rupert. Spike was an escort for hire for -- what was it, luv? A little over a year?"
Nobody knew what to say. Spike's reaction was enough to tell them that it was true.
"Spike..." Xander said carefully. "You were really...a...a -- "
"Man-whore?" Dru helpfully supplied. "Yes, he most certainly was. And he was quite good at his craft too! There are women with smiles permanently plastered on their faces from his skill at or--"
Spike had had enough. He grabbed Dru by the arm and dragged her to the front door. He opened it and shoved her outside.
"Ow! That wasn't very nice, pet! I'm very cross with you."
"Get out and stay out, you sodding bitch! Don't ever come round here again. Do you hear me?!" Spike clenched his teeth.
Dru laughed. "Ah well, it was fun to see you again. If you're ever in L.A., give me a jingle."
With that she turned and walked away, still giggling like a madwoman.
Spike shut the door and leaned his forehead against it. He took some deep breaths to keep from running away. He didn't want to face his friends -- or his father. Especially not his father... Spike wouldn't be able to outright lie to them now. He wouldn't be able to deny it to their faces. Dru had ruined everything.
Spike made his way back to the living room, dragging his feet like he was headed to his own execution.
Everyone was looking anywhere but at him. Except for Giles. Giles' eyes were shiny, his mouth was set in a hard line.
"I'm...sorry about that..." Spike said quietly. "She's a bit... She's not well..."
"Is what she said true, William?" Giles prayed that it wasn't.
Spike looked away in shame.
"Dear Lord..." Giles gasped. "How... Why... What the Devil is wrong with you!?"
"I'm not doing it anymore, alright?!" Spike yelled, getting defensive. "I'm through with that."
"Does Buffy know about...this? How could you do such a thing? You turned tricks for a living?" Giles was aghast and in complete shock. "That's how you could afford this house, isn't it?"
"I...can't talk about this! Not now!"
"Well, pardon me for wanting to hear what could possibly have driven you to prostitution! Is that the way I raised you?!"
"You didn't raise me!" Spike shouted. "You were hardly ever bloody there! Mum had to carry most of the burden. You were too busy with your bloody university tutorials to give me a second bleedin' thought!"
"That's not true!" Giles yelled. "You're saying that this is all my fault?!"
"Bloody hell! NO! That's not what I'm fucking saying!" Spike paced.
The others' looked at each other. As one, they stood up.
"Uh, we'd better... We should go..." Xander said nervously. "I'm, uh, I'm sorry that... Call me tomorrow, okay, man?" Xander put his hand on Spike's shoulder, giving him a supportive squeeze.
Spike looked at Xander with bright eyes and nodded. "Yeah... I'll do that."
The friends filed out of the house quickly and piled into Xander's car. They didn't want to be anywhere near the argument between father and son.
They were shocked to find out that Spike had been -- a call boy, male prostitute, gigolo -- whatever the correct term was. But, they had gotten to know him quite well in the past month. He was a good guy and he made Buffy deliriously happy, he couldn't be all bad. They were all worried what Buffy would do when she found out. Did she already know?
Truth be told, Xander was a little envious of Spike's former vocation. What teenage boy didn't think about how cool it would be for women to actually pay them for sex? That was the stuff wet dreams were made of.
The foursome decided to just drive for a while and talk about what happened, and how to deal with it.
After the teens left, Giles and Spike continued their extremely awkward and off-putting conversation.
"You don't have to bloody say it, alright? I know I'm an embarrassment to you. I know it was a stupid thing to do. You don't have to tell me."
"How could you lower yourself like that? How could you degrade yourself?" Giles asked with disgust.
"I didn't sleep with all of them. Sometimes all they wanted to do is talk --"
"I don't want to hear the bloody details!" Giles ran a hand through his thinning hair.
"What do you want me to say?! I'm sorry, okay? I never wanted you to find out about it."
"I can't believe you, William. I can't believe you did something like that. And not just once, not twice, but continuously for over a year!"
Spike kicked at the couch in frustration. "I'm -- fucking -- sorry! But it was my life, it seemed like a good idea at the time --"
"Seemed like a good idea?! For God's sake, William! How could that possibly..." Giles put his hands over his face. In a lower voice he said, "I'm glad your mother isn't alive to hear this...she would be so very disappointed in you."
Spike swallowed hard, a tear leaked from his eye. "Thanks... Thanks for that. I wasn't feeling quite guilty or miserable enough. Thanks for bringing Mum into it. Now I'm that much closer to crippling depression," his voice cracked.
Spike pictured his mother with a sad frown, shaking her head at him. The thought of her being upset with or disappointed in him was gut-wrenching.
"Do you think she'd be pleased? Do you think she'd approve?" Giles kept at him.
"Just...go. I want to be alone," Spike said quietly.
"No. I'm not going anywhere. Not until we've discussed your bad judgment thoroughly."
"Fine. Then I'll bloody leave!" Spike yelled.
He stormed to the front door and grabbed his car keys off the table by the entrance.
"William! Get back in here!" Giles demanded. "Stop acting like a child!"
"Sod off!" Spike growled and exited the house, slamming the door behind him.
Spike climbed into the Desoto and started it up, tearing out of the driveway and down the street. His mind was mired down by the events of the last -- was it only 10 minutes ago that Dru had blurted out the truth about his past? He needed time alone to collect his thoughts.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Forty-five minutes after Spike left, Buffy showed up.
She walked in the front door and walked to the living room.
"Sorry I'm --" Buffy looked around, Giles was sitting at the bar with a glass of scotch in his hand. "Where is everyone?"
Giles rubbed his forehead. "They left."
"Why? Where's Spike? I didn't see his car."
Giles sighed. "Buffy, I have something to tell you...it's...shocking. You should sit down."
Buffy went to the couch and dropped down, her eyes were wide.
"Giles...you're scaring me! What's wrong? What happened?" If anything had happened to Spike...she couldn't even bear the thought...
"An...old acquaintance of William's was here earlier...Drusilla."
Buffy's eyes narrowed. Spike's old girlfriend was here? What did that bitch want?
"And?" Buffy asked.
"She told us...something about him... Something that I never would have believed."
"What did she say? Spit it out, Giles!" Buffy said impatiently. But she had a bad feeling about it.
"She said that William was...he used to be...an escort..." Giles said gently. "He was paid to...take women on dates."
Buffy took a deep breath. "I already knew."
Giles' eyes widened. "You knew? And...it didn't bother you?"
"Yes. It bothered me a little bit. But he didn't do it anymore after we were together...so I don't care. It doesn't change how I feel about him. The only reason that bitch came here is because he quit the job he was supposed to start in L.A. She wanted to get back at him I guess. Oh, I wish she was here right now! I'd wring her scrawny fucking neck!" Buffy fumed.
Giles was speechless.
"She had no right to tell you that!" Buffy stood up and paced. "Did she say that in front of everyone?"
Giles nodded.
"Oh God! Spike must be humiliated! Why couldn't I have been here?! Damn it!" Buffy picked up a glass from the coffee table and threw it across the room, where it shattered against the wall.
Her bloodlust and anger for Dru made her blood boil, she literally saw red. She took some deep breaths and turned back to a startled Giles.
"I have to find him. Where did he go?"
"I...don't know. I'm sure he'll be back eventually. You should...wait here for him."
Buffy paced around. Spike was out there somewhere by himself. It tore her up inside.
"Did you yell at him? ‘Cause I'm so going to kick your ass if you did!"
"Did I yell -- of course I yelled!" Giles said hotly. "I just found out that my son was involved in the flesh trade! Forgive me if I took objection to that!"
Buffy tried getting her emotions under control. Giles did have a right to be upset. She went over to where he was sitting at the bar and pulled up a stool.
"Giles... I know it's hard to digest, but...he made a lot of lonely women very happy," she said gently.
"I don't want to even think about that!" Giles took off his glasses and polished them furiously.
"It's true. He made them feel desirable, he made them feel adored...even if it was just for one night. He treated them like Queens for the day."
Giles looked down.
"Spike was in a confused place after he and Drusilla broke up," Buffy ground out the name of his ex between clenched teeth. "She messed with his head pretty good. He was feeling low, really low. He was offered the escorting job and took it. At the time, he didn't feel particularly good about himself. So, it helped him get his self-esteem back, Dru's behavior almost destroyed it. Please, don't be too hard on him..."
"I didn't know...it had been so difficult for him. I should have talked to him more often...if he needed help. I would've been there for him..." Giles said abjectly. "But, I didn't want to bother him...I always waited until he contacted me."
Buffy rubbed Giles' arm.
"It was hard for him. But he's better now. He's got me. Don't blame yourself for his decisions. It had nothing to do with you or how good of a father you were. Spike was -- in a bad place emotionally. He needed the boost to his ego that being with those women gave him, just as much as they needed the same from him."
Giles slowly nodded. "I'll...try. It's just...so..."
"I know. It'll take time for you to accept. Don't treat him like... Just don't treat him bad. You're the only parent he's got and he really wants you to be proud of him. He was terrified that you'd find out what he used to do for a living. He thought you'd hate him if you knew."
"When he comes back...I promise I won't argue with him. I'll tell him that I still love him. I wouldn't want him to think that I didn't. He's my boy. I love him more than life itself. I just feel that I've failed him."
Buffy looked at Giles sympathetically and held his hand.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Spike drove around aimlessly for another hour. Finally, he was starting to calm down and think straight.
"Buffy will probably be at the house by now. I should go back..."
He knew that being enfolded in Buffy's arms would make him feel better. He smiled just imagining it: laying in bed with her; her arms wrapped around him; she'd stroke his hair and kiss him.
"So they know...so what? If...they're really my friends, it won't matter... And Dad...if he can get over seeing me and Buffy fucking, he can get over this... I hope."
Spike drove along, looking for a place to turn around. He was about to pull into a parking lot of a pizza place.
He didn't see the truck barreling towards him until the very last second.
Spike's eyes widened. "OH SHIT!!"
He turned the steering wheel hard to the right.
But it was too late.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"What the hell was that?!" Cordelia yelled and jumped at the sound of a crash followed by the screeching of metal.
The four friends had driven around a while then decided to stop into Pop's Pizzeria. They hadn't had much of an appetite though. They were too concerned about what had happened at Spike's place earlier.
"Shit! I think someone had an accident!" Xander said, getting up and running to the entrance.
He looked out the window. A large, blue 4X4 truck was idling near the guardrail. The front end looked smashed in, smoke rose from under the hood. A few bystanders stopped and stared.
"I'm going to go see if someone needs help. Cordy, call an ambulance in case someone's hurt," Xander said bravely.
Oz and Willow hurried outside with Xander. They stood on the sidewalk next to a short, dark-haired man in his mid- to late twenties.
"Hey, did you see what happened?" Xander asked the man.
"Yeah...man, that was some fucked up shit!" the man exclaimed. "I was standing right here, I saw the whole thing. The guy in the truck must be drunk or crazy or somethin'...he was flyin' through here doin' maybe 80 or 90, with his fucking headlights off! The guy in the DeSoto never had a chance..."
"DeSoto?" Willow asked nervously. Spike was the only person she knew that owned one of those...but it couldn't have been him. They'd left him back at his house almost 2 hours ago.
"What...did the DeSoto look like?" Xander asked, a sense of dread washing over him.
"It's black, mint-condition, it used to be anyway, it's a '63 or '65, I'm not sure which... The truck hit it and it went through the guardrail over there. I heard it rolling down the hill." The man looked at them. "Man, I hope you didn't know that guy..."
"Did the driver have blonde hair?" Oz asked, squeezing Willow's hand.
"Yeah...he had short, blonde hair, kind of...spiky. I got a quick look at him because he was slowing down, I think he was looking for somewhere to pull over."
"Oh God! It's Spike! It has to be!" Willow panicked.
"Come on, let's see if he needs help!" Xander said, running across the street to the broken and twisted guardrail.
Willow and Oz were right behind him. Xander skidded to a stop in front of the rail and looked down. Smoke was billowing up out of the DeSoto. It was laying on it's roof, the wheels spinning in vain.
"Oh God!" Xander said in shock.
Spike had to be really fucked up. There was no way he was going to come out of this with just a few bumps and bruises.
"Oh, shit! The gas tank!" Oz said, pointing to the flames that began shooting out from the back end of the car.
"We have to get him out!" Xander yelled, beginning to make his way down the hill.
After he'd taken only a few steps, the flames became more intense. The entire back end was engulfed. There was no way Xander could effect a rescue in time.
Willow and Oz realized this and grabbed for Xander. They each took one of his arms and dragged him backwards.
"Xander, NO! It's going to explode! You'll get caught in it!" Willow screamed.
Xander struggled against them, trying to get down the hill.
"He's going to die in there if we don't do --"
Xander was cut off by the explosion. The three of them were blown backwards slightly by the force. Fire and smoke shot up from the car. Night turned into day from the brightness of the fire. Some debris rained down on them.
Willow screamed, Oz covered her body with his to shield her.
"Oh God, NO!" Willow cried. "He's dead!"
Xander stood on his shaky legs, looking at the inferno in disbelief. The whine of sirens could be heard in the distance, getting closer.
"I...tried... I tried to... I wasn't quick enough..."
"Whoa!" someone said from behind them.
Xander turned to see the man who had been driving the truck standing there, looking blankly down at the fiery wreck he'd caused. The man's nose and mouth were bloodied, but other than that he seemed to be fine. Xander walked slowly towards the man. When he got within a few feet, he was hit with the telltale smell of alcohol. It emanated out from the man's body in waves. He was drunk. Xander's parents had gotten blotto often enough for him to recognize it.
Xander grabbed the man by the collar of his t-shirt and shook him.
"You sonuvabitch! You're fucking drunk! You killed him!" Spit flew from Xander's mouth as he shook the drunk. "You killed him!"
Oz and Willow grabbed Xander and tore him away from the man.
"Xander, don't!" Willow yelled.
"Come on, man!" Oz struggled to hold on to Xander's arm.
Cordy came running up to them. "What's going on? Is everyone alright? I heard the explosion!" Cordy was frightened.
"This motherfucker couldn't sleep it off and he killed Spike!" Xander shouted.
"Wha--What?" Cordy asked.
"Spike was in the car...that exploded." Tears poured down Willow's face.
"Oh my God..." Cordy put her hand over her mouth.
The police and fire trucks started to arrive. A cop ran over to where Xander and the others stood.
"Hey, you people step back!" the cop commanded.
"He killed our friend!" Xander shouted, his face contorted with anguish and rage. "He was drunk off his ass and still got behind the wheel!"
The cop took a whiff of the truck's driver and grimaced.
"Let's get you checked out by the EMTs." The cop took the drunk by the arm, none too gently, and led him away to an ambulance.
"I didn't even see the guy..." the drunk said, "He came out of nowhere!"
The grief-stricken group moved back across the street and stood in front of the pizza parlor. Firefighters prepared to douse the burning car.
"We have to tell Giles and Buffy..." Willow sobbed. "It'll be hard it hearing from anyone, but it might...be easier if it was one of us..."
Another cop walked up to them. "Did you kids see what happened?"
"No. We came out when we heard the accident," Oz said, holding Willow against him. "But we know the guy...in the other car."
The cop gave them a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry." The cop had seen the wreck and the fire, he knew no one could have survived it. "I'll need some information from you about the victim."
The girls cried harder at the word 'victim'.
"Officer," Oz said calmly, "is it okay if I stay and give the information, so that my friends can leave?"
The cop looked at their faces for a moment. "Yeah, that would be okay. You kids be careful going home."
Oz gave Willow a kiss and separated from her. Xander put his arms around Cordelia and Willow as they walked back to his car. They didn't know how they were going to break the news to Giles and Buffy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Spike groaned, and his eyes opened slowly.
He squinted against the brightness of the fire that was raging 20 feet away from him. Something wet ran into his eyes, he tried to move a hand to wipe his eyes but found that he couldn't. He blinked rapidly to clear his eyes. That helped a little, but everything he saw was blurry and had a red cast to it.
'Blood? Is it blood running into my eyes?'
The heat was oppressive, the acrid smell of gasoline and burning rubber invaded his nostrils. Spike's stomach turned. The roar of the fire was deafening.
He couldn't remember how he came to be lying on his stomach on the ground for a few minutes. Then it came back to him. The last thing he remembered was a blue truck heading right for him, then the impact.
'Crazy fucker smashed into me... I must've been thrown out of the car...' Spike thought.
He tried to move and gasped as agony wracked his body. He definitely had some broken bones and it felt like he was being weighed down, being crushed from above. Spike tried to pull in some air and panicked when he could only draw in a small amount.
'Shit--I can't breathe--I can't bloody move--shit--it hurts--Oh God--I'm really fucked up...'
Spike was able to turn his head slightly to look up at the edge that his car had careened over. He thought he could make out some people standing near the edge through the thick smoke.
Spike tried to shout, "HELP!" But all that came out was a feeble, rasping, wheezing sound. He tried crawling but stopped quickly when pain shot through his body. He whimpered and clawed at the ground impotently. His brain was getting foggier, darkness was seeping in around the edges of his consciousness.
'Am I dying? I think I might be...'
The pain started to fade.
'It's not so bad...not as scary as I thought it would be...kind of nice...'
An image of Buffy popped into his head. She was smiling and laughing. He'd never get to see her smile again. She probably wouldn't be doing a lot of smiling for awhile. The memory of her asking him never to leave her passed through his muddled mind.
'I can't help it, pet. I'd stay if I had a choice... God knows I would...
Spike tried fighting against the need to close his eyes, but they kept fluttering shut. He knew that one of these times he wouldn't be able to open them again, they'd stay closed -- for good. He had to resist the urge to go to sleep. He had to stay alive for Buffy. But, the harder he fought, the more the darkness closed in, until he didn't have the strength anymore.
Spike coughed then groaned from the pain it caused, his eyes rolled back. Blood and spittle dribbled from his lips onto the ground.
'I'm sorry, Buffy. I can't hang on, I tried... At least the last thing I'll see is your face, even if you aren't really here...'
Loud voices came from the top of the hill, they were getting closer. Did someone see him? Were they coming to help him? Unfortunately, Spike couldn't stay awake to find out. With what little energy he had left, he cursed his body's betrayal.
"Buffy," Spike rasped out loud, wishing he could see her and touch her one more time. His eyes closed and the blackness descended upon him totally, taking the pain and sorrow with it.
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