"Where is he?" Buffy paced around the room. "He didn't say where he was going?"

"For the hundredth time, no, he didn't say anything. He just stormed out," Giles said testily. He was worried that Spike hadn't come back yet, too.

"Maybe...he came back but saw that my car was still out front." Giles stood up. "I should go, maybe he'll come back if I'm not here."

"Okay..." Buffy said. "Maybe that would be best right now. You guys can talk tomorrow after you've both had a good night's rest."

There was a knock at the door.

It was irrational, but when she heard the knock at the door, Buffy's mind said, 'Spike! He's back!' She didn't stop to think that Spike wouldn't knock on his own door. She was so worried about him that she wasn't thinking straight.

Buffy ran to the door and flung it open.

Xander, Cordelia and Willow stood there. The looks on their faces had Buffy feeling ill. They had all been crying and they smelled like -- smoke and gasoline?

"What...happened? Are you guys okay?!" Buffy asked worriedly.

"Buffy...can we come in?" Xander asked in a soft voice.

Buffy stepped back from the door. The three friends entered the living room.

"What happened?!" Giles said when he saw them. He noticed that Oz was missing. "Where's Oz? Did something --"

"Oz is...okay," Willow mumbled, fresh tears filled her eyes. "It's not Oz..."

"What's going on!?" Buffy demanded, icy fingers of fear ran up and down her spine. Something horrible had happened.

"It's...Spike," Xander said, his voice rough.

Buffy and Giles could only stare.

"There...was an accident..." Cordelia said.

"Accident?" Buffy said, feeling faint.

"A car accident," Willow sobbed. "His car got hit by a truck. Xander wanted to go down the hill and get him out of the car but --"

"Spike was in an accident!? Oh God! I-I have to go to him!" Buffy cried. "Where is he? What hospital did they take him to?!"

Willow cried harder and buried her face in Xander's shoulder.

"Where is he?! Answer me, damn it!" Buffy was becoming hysterical.

"I'm sorry...there wasn't time. I wanted to try and get him out..." Xander hugged Willow.

Giles walked to stand beside Buffy. The horror of what they were saying was slowly dawning on him.

"The gas tank...exploded. We didn't have time to get him out..." Cordy said desolately.

"No...it's--it's not true... You're lying!" Buffy's voice was becoming more shrill. "I'd know if he... I'd know it! It's not true!"

"I wish it wasn't, Buffy," Xander said. "I'm so sorry... Giles..."

"Where is he? I have to see him!" Tears ran down Buffy's cheeks.

"We left before... Oz stayed behind to talk to the police, to give them the information... We thought you should hear this from us," Xander said.

"William," Giles said, his eyes unfocused. "William's...dead?" his voice broke.

"Don't say that!" Buffy whirled on Giles. "It's not true! He's not -- NO!"

The grief and sadness she saw in Giles' eyes made it sink in to Buffy's panic-stricken brain.

"No...no...noooo." Buffy shook her head back and forth. "No, God, please no... NO!" Buffy started wailing and collapsed onto her knees.

Her body shook with the force of her sobs. Giles immediately dropped down beside her and hugged her head to his chest.

"Please, God! Don't let it be true! He can't be gone! NO!" Buffy latched onto Giles.

“It’s...my fault,” Giles said in horror and self-loathing. “If I would have left when he told me to... Oh dear God...”

“No, it’s not your fault. That bitch Drusilla did this! If she hadn’t come here... I’ll kill her! I’ll kill that bitch!” Buffy yelled and sobbed. “Spike -- Please -- don’t leave me!”

There was a frantic knocking at the door.

"I'll--I'll get it," Cordy said, wiping tears from her face.

When Cordy opened the door, Oz was standing there with an excited look on his face.

"Cordy! You won't believe what happened!" Oz said.

Buffy's crying could be heard from inside.

Oz rushed past Cordy and into the living room. "Guys! He's alive! Spike's alive!"

Buffy and Giles looked up from the floor, not comprehending what Oz was saying.

"What?" Xander asked. "How--How is that possible? We saw --"

"I was talking to the cops when I heard that a fireman found someone down the hill. He must've been thrown out of the car. He wasn't in it when it blew up! I couldn‘t get close but I saw them putting him in the ambulance."

"He's alive?" Buffy asked, still clutching onto Giles.

"Officer Jones brought me here," Oz said, gesturing to the black cop who was walking into the living room.

"Mr. Osbourne's right," the cop said. "A fireman did find a male Caucasian at the bottom of the hill. He was still alive, but in bad shape. They took him to Sunnydale General...but I have to warn you, the news still might not be good...”

“He’s going to make it, I know he is.” Buffy stood up and helped Giles to stand.

Spike was alive and he was going to stay that way. Buffy’s mind wouldn’t allow any other scenario.

“We have to go to the hospital. Spike needs us.” She took a deep breath and stuck her chin out.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Six hours later, the gang still sat in the ER, awaiting news about Spike’s condition. He’d gone into surgery as soon as they brought him in.

Joyce had joined them when Buffy called her. She sat next to her daughter, holding her hand.

“How you holding up, honey?” Joyce asked Buffy.

“Why won’t they tell us anything?” Buffy sighed. Dark circles laid under her red-rimmed eyes. “It’s been so long...”

“We’ll hear something soon.” Joyce squeezed Buffy’s hand. “Try not to worry.”

A doctor dressed in scrubs walked towards them.

Giles jumped to his feet. His heart pounded in his ears.

Buffy stood and grabbed onto Giles’ arm as she stared at the face of the doctor, trying to discern what he was going to tell them.

The others got up and stood together.

“Mr. Giles? I‘m Dr. Neilson,” the tall, blonde male doctor said.

“Yes. My son...William. Pease tell me he’s going to be alright.”

“He made it through the surgery, he’s in recovery right now,” Doctor Neilson replied.

Everyone let out the breaths they’d been holding in. They hugged each other.

“Will he be alright?” Giles asked again, he didn‘t want to get his hopes up too high, just to have them dashed away.

“Would you rather talk about this in private?” the doctor asked.

“No. These are his friends and...his girlfriend.” Giles squeezed Buffy’s hand. “They want to hear this, too.”

“Okay. William’s still not out of the woods yet. He was injured pretty badly: contusions and lacerations over much of his body; four broken ribs; a punctured lung; a broken right arm; a severe sprain of his left leg. But the injury that concerned us most was the one to his head. He must have gone into the windshield head first. William has a moderate skull fracture, but it could have been much worse. The fracture is linear, that means that there was a break but the bone didn‘t move. We’ll be keeping a close eye on him the next few days.”

“But...he can recover, right?” Buffy asked quietly.

“Yes, he can. But the next few days are going to be critical. If he does recover, there still may be complications,” the doctor said gently.

“What sort of complications?” Giles swallowed.

“These are just possibilities, remember that. It’s not definite. But he may suffer from: personality changes; emotional disturbances; speech and language deficits; sensory loss; seizures; paralysis or coma...”

“Oh God!” Buffy buried her face in Giles’ neck.

“Miss -- what’s your name, darlin‘?” Dr. Neilson asked patting Buffy on the shoulder.

“B-Buffy,” she whimpered.

“Buffy, it may turn out that William won’t have any of those complications. I’m just trying to prepare all of you for what may happen. Try to stay positive. There’s reason to be encouraged right now. Okay?”

“Okay...I’ll try... I’m just so scared...” Buffy’s voice shook.

“I know you must be. I know all of you must be. But try to have some faith.”

“Can I see him? I need to see him,” Buffy pleaded.

“I’m sorry. You can’t see him for a while. We need to keep him in isolation to monitor him. There’s a big risk of infection at the moment. It will be a few days before we’re confident enough to move him to a room.”

“Days?! But...I need to see him. I have to see him!” Buffy panicked.

“Buffy,” Giles hugged her, “it’s necessary. You wouldn’t want to inadvertently set back his recovery, would you?”

“N-No. Of course not...” Buffy sniffled, calming slightly.

“Why don’t you folks go on home, get some sleep. Mr. Giles, I’ll call you if there’s any change in your son’s status.” Dr. Neilson put a hand on Giles’ shoulder.

“Yes...thank you, doctor. I’ll be back this afternoon,” Giles said, trying to regain that fabled ‘stiff upper-lip’ that Englishmen were known for.

“Me too. I’ll be here,” Buffy said taking deep calming breaths.

Spike would be okay. He just had to be.

Buffy made it her new goal in life to help him get better in any way she could. The scariest part of all, was that she didn’t know if she wanted to or could live without him. When she met Spike in New York, it was as if she’d found a piece of her soul that she’d never realized was missing. Now that piece was being ripped away and it was excruciating. Buffy didn’t think she could go on if he didn't make it.





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