Chapter Five


"Hey pet, ready?"

Buffy looked up from the piece she was working on and took a deep breath.
"Uh huh."

He smiled. "Are you lying?"

"That obvious?"

"You get that crinkle in between your brow when you're either nervous or
thinking I'm insane. Since I just walked in here, I'm guessing you're
nervous."

"You would be to if you were going to your first pregnant checkup or
whatever they call it."

"Pet, I'd be more than nervous if I was going for my first pregnancy
checkup. I'd be petrified seeing as how I'm a guy and all."

"All right, ready?" Buffy stood on shaky legs and started for the door with
Spike in tow.

"Have you said anything to anyone?"

"No, not yet. I just kind of want to get through this first."



On their way to the doctor, Buffy focused on her breathing. She imagined
the other women in the world that were not only nervous about their first
visit, but excited as well. They were probably accompanied by their
husbands or maybe even their best friend. Buffy looked over at Spike and
he immediately looked over at her.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Do you think its wrong of me to be more nervous and scared than
excited?"

"No," he started slowly.

"I just asked one of those questions that you feel uncomfortable answering,
didn't I?"

"Yeah," Spike said and let out a sigh of relief.

"I just kind of feel guilty for being so scared and nervous rather than
excited and nervous. It's like this is it. Going to the doctor, having my first
checkup—it makes it all that more real, ya know? Like it's really
happening."

Spike reached out and grabbed her hand, squeezing it. "I know Buffy. But
even though I'm not your husband or your boyfriend or any one that you
imagined doing this with, I'm still not going to leave you to go through it
alone. I'm glad to be here. Feels like I'm doing something good for a
change."

"What is that supposed to mean? You do plenty good!"

"That Anya incident? And all the incidents before that? Not so good. Don't
often feel like I'm doing the female race any favors. And after what that
tosser did to you . . . I don't want to be that guy. Makes me think that
somewhere out there is someone like me with a Buffy of his own who feels
scared and alone."

"Am I your redemption now?" Buffy asked warily, though terribly moved
by his speech.

"I'm not doing this as a penance for my sins Buffy, if that's what you think."

Buffy squeezed his hand. "I know. Thank you, if I haven't said that
already."





It actually went by in a whirlwind of paperwork, meeting and greeting, peeing in a cup and changing into a hospital gown she'd have to get mighty used to for the next 9 months. Spike stayed by her side during her talk with the doctor and held her hand when the kind woman informed her that yes, she was indeed pregnant. And waited patiently with her as they calculated she was six weeks pregnant and that she was due February 21st. Buffy nodded numbly, trying to imagine that day and not being able to. That was until the cold jelly was rubbed on her stomach and something cold and metallic was pressed against her tummy. She winced at the chilliness, thinking she'd rather have them pushing on her stomach the way they had a minute ago than this. Then she heard it. Whoosh, whoosh. Her gaze jerked to the doctor.

"Your baby's heartbeat," the nurse informed her and smiled. Now Buffy knew this was going to be part of the procedure. She'd been told that upon meeting her doctor, but she'd been in a daze and she'd blanked on it. And now . . .

Her eyes welled up in tears. "That's my baby?"

The nurse nodded and smiled.

"She sounds so beautiful!" Buffy burst out, tears falling freely down her
cheeks. She looked up at Spike who was looking down at her in complete
awe. She noticed, though didn't call mention to, the tears in his own eyes.
"That's the most beautiful sound I ever heard in my life," Buffy gushed.

Spike nodded slowly and leant down, brushing a kiss across her forehead.
He knelt by her, never letting go of her hand. The nurse allowed them to
listen to the sound for a bit longer before shutting off the machine.

"It's so wonderful to see such happy parents," the nurse told them.

"Oh, he's not—" Buffy started.

"Thanks. So, what sorts of things should Buffy be doing and not doing?"

Buffy decided it best she roll with the punches. It was easier actually, that
way. She didn't have to worry about sympathetic looks or being judged for
being a single mom. It wasn't fair actually. She was doing something
commendable, something that some women in her position wouldn't do.
Sure, she still had some of the hang ups, but now that she was faced with it,
she was starting to let that go. She just wanted to be a good mom, and that
in the long run, was what all her fears boiled down to.

Setting up her next appointment, getting a prescription for prenatal
vitamins and having tons of reading material to sift through, Buffy allowed
Spike to escort her out of the hospital. When they were outside in the
brilliant sunshine, Buffy stopped Spike and hugged him. "Thank you."

"Stop thanking me. I want to do this. I have to."

"Have to?"

"How do you feel kitten? Hungry?"

Her stomach rumbling answered his question. She looked at him
sheepishly.

"Come on sweetheart, let's get something to eat."

"Oooh…. A hamburger!"

"No. You gotta start off right pet. Healthy portions of vegetables and
fruits."

"I need meat too, ya know! And if I got fries, that's a vegetable –"

"Buffy," he said sternly.

"Yes, sir. Dr. Spike, sir!" Buffy saluted.

"Let's go, brat."





You must login (register) to review.