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Chapter Four

"So, tell the Big Bad what exactly happened," Spike said gently as he handed Buffy a glass of chocolate milk.

She gave him an odd look. "Big Bad?"

He looked at her sheepishly. "It was a new nickname I was trying out. No
go then?"

"Too wordy."

"It's two words, pet."

"Stick with Spike, William."

He pointed at her, "no need to get cheeky love. ‘William' was a ponce and
you'd do well to remember it."

She laughed at him, "what are you going to do? Haul me over your knee
and spank me?"

He cleared his throat and sat up straighter. "So, tell me the story now pet."

Setting the glass in her lap, she took a deep breath. "Okay. Well, there's
not much to tell really. I went to a bar one night—"

"What bar?"

"Uh….Envy. I went to Envy."

"By yourself?"

"Why yes, Lois Lane, by myself."

"Seriously pet if you're going to get on me for asking questions, you could
give me Clark Kent or something."

"Thought he was a ponce?"

"Okay, Columbo then. Columbo was cool."

"All right anyway, Columbo," she said, emphasizing Columbo, "I went to
Envy BY MYSELF to do some research for a story. I wanted to observe
mating habits."

Spike started to choke on his milk because he started to laugh as he
swallowed. Composing himself he asked in disbelief "mating habits ?"

"Yeah, you know the way people flirt across a room at each other. How
women use the flip of their hair or their eyes to let someone know they're
interested. And how guys do that annoying thing where they think if they
dance behind you at a club, you'll be so turned on by their direct approach
of ogling your behind, you'll turn around and dry hump them on the floor."

Spike chuckled. "I see you did some clever observing there pet. FYI: I never do that."

"I know. You can't dance."

"I bloody well can!"

"Spike doing YMCA is not dancing."

"Can you continue please?" he said huffing.

"Anyway, so I was sitting in the back, far away from others and just
watching. Taking the occasional note – mainly about what NOT to employ
from watching some of these women."

"Flaunting their goodies were they?" he smirked.

"Like you wouldn't believe—oh, you probably would. Anyway, I was what I
thought, completely incognito. But then this guy –Brian Steier came over
and started talking to me."

"Though that's not his last name."

"Or even his first name, who knows?"

"So you didn't tell him to run along like you usually do?"

"I don't always tell them to run along."

"No, you often add the ‘and die now' to that." "Hey! Happy Bunny is not
only funny, but effective."

"And so for some reason you let this ‘Brian' in."

"Yes, he was . . . charming. Not in a you way, but in a shy way."

"What is that supposed to mean? In a ‘you' way?"

"Well, you know when you're on the prowl and you get that half leer and
half smirk and you get that swagger and act all cool and stuff."

"I'm wounded. Is it obvious, I mean, obvious to others that that's my come
on?"

"Some women aren't dumb Spike. The ones you date inevitably are, but
some aren't. It's a women's gift to be able to see through the bullshit you
dole out on a regular basis."

"So, what was this guy's shtick?"

"He seemed shy and uncertain. As if he were afraid I'd reject him and then
of course, I couldn't because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. So then he
sat down and he asked me what I was doing. Said he noticed me writing
and was curious as to what I was doing in a loud club, all the way in the
back, writing. So I told him. He started asking questions—"

"And once you get Buffy talking about work…" Spike trailed off.

"Shut up. So then talking and drinking and talking and more drinking . . .
and then I found myself asking him to my apartment and . . . the rest is . . .
" She patted her tummy, "inside me."

"He leave in the morning or right after the event?"

"Must have been some time after the event, and I must have been passed
out when he let himself out. Locked the door for me though, which was
thoughtful, considering."

"I just don't get it Buffy. I mean that's not like you."

"I know, I know, I know! Trust me, I know."

"You could hold the record for chastity. You couldn't have been that hard
up for sex."

She gave him a withering glare. "It should take you exactly four seconds from here to the door. I'll give you two."

"All right Holly Golightly, that came out wrong. I'm sorry. I just meant . . .
what was it? I mean, you don't just have sex Buffy. You have relationships.
You wait the month before sex is even offered. So I don't understand what
made you have a one night stand. And it can't be the liquor either. I've seen
you drunk, Buffy. Yes, you're giddy, a tad more daring and have a loose
tongue, but other than that, I've never seen someone as controlled when
they're drinking as you are."

Buffy frowned and looked down at her glass of half finished chocolate milk.
"I guess I was just feeling lonely. I guess I wanted to know what it would be
like to go home with someone and feel special for a night. Willow seems to always have a date, Xander has . . . okay so he doesn't have anyone, and you have . . . a revolving door, and watching all these girls get hit on and not ever having someone hit on me . . . I liked the attention. Made me feel good about myself. I wanted to know what it would be like to act wanton like the girls you date for once."

Spike set his glass down on the coffee table and then got up and sat down on it across from her. "You wanted to act like the girls I date? Why?"

"Well, not exactly like them, but just going with that feeling of being
wanted and being sensual and sexual and just going with it instead of
overanalyzing it."

His look of awe at her was making her squirm. "Buffy, you're perfect just
the way you are. If the bloody tossers can't see that, then you don't need
them, nor do you want them."

She disengaged her hand and moved off the couch, setting her glass down.
"I was coming out of my content state. I was no longer happy having it just
be me and my work."

"It's not just you and your work Buffy. You know I'm always here with
you."

"That's not it Spike!" she exclaimed. "Don't get me wrong. I love you, and Willow and Xander, but I'm not dating any of you. It's not the same kind of
companionship I was looking for."

"And you thought a one night stand—Buffy." He looked up at her,
realization dawning. "You were hoping it would turn into something more.
That he'd stay and spend the day with you and by some stroke of fate, he'd
be the one."

Buffy looked away, avoiding Spike's penetrating gaze. He was up in a flash
when he saw a tear slip down her face. He pulled her into his arms and
stroked her back.

"What's wrong with me?" she wailed against him.

"Nothing is wrong with you, pet. Nothing at all. Did you not hear me when
I told you you're perfect?"

"You're supposed to say that! You're the best friend."

"I don't just have to say that," he whispered.

Something in his tone made Buffy think that maybe he wasn't just saying
that, but she brushed it off. "Every time Willow and I go out, she always
gets hit on. I get nothing. Unless they're old or just scummy. Brian wasn't
either and I just felt like maybe it was . . . "

"Fate?" Spike supplied.

"Yeah, fate. You write about it enough, you start to believe in it." She
pushed away and looked up at him glumly. "Should know better. Never
believe what you hear and only half of what you see. So yeah, I thought
that fate was lending a hand because here I was all alone in this bar slash
club and I had my girly Buddy Holly glasses on."

Spike smiled, "I love those on you."

"Yeah, me too. But as Xander told me before, they're my birth control
glasses."

Spike's jaw dropped. "He said that? I think they're bloody sexy—"

"Spike!" she admonished.

"I am a man Buffy. I do notice things."

"Yeah, anyway," she waved him off. "I was wearing my birth control
glasses, in a corner, with a notebook, not wearing anything remotely
alluring and along comes this guy who was curious about ME and what I
was doing. He saw me and wanted to talk to me out of all the scantily clad
women there. After an incredibly long dry spell where no one decent
seemed to want to touch me with a ten foot pole, this cute, seemingly shy
guy wanted to talk to me. I thought the universe was telling me this was
something special. Turns out it was special in another way."

"When did you find out you were pregnant?"

"Well, after I missed my period and started getting nauseous at odd times,
and had an extreme violent aversion to the smell of cheese—"

"You love cheese!"

"I know. I kind of figured something was up, so I took a pregnancy test.
Came back positive. That was a week ago. I have a doctor's appointment
tomorrow afternoon."

"I'm coming with you."

She looked up at him, "what?"

"I'm coming with you. I told you you're not doing this alone. I'm going to be
there Buffy. Every step of the way."

"Thank you," she told him, her bottom lip protruding in a sappy pout.

"So I'm assuming since you know this guy has a fake last name, you've
tried contacting him."

"Yes. He told me he worked in the office buildings off Summer Street,
doing marketing. I went there and there wasn't even a marketing firm
there, so that was my first clue that something was up."

"What was there?"

"H & R block."

"Oh."

"Yeah. I tried anyway, but no Brian Steier. No Brian Steier anywhere in
this godforsaken city."

"Well, you know what? He's not important right now."

"He's the father of my baby, how can you say that?"

"He's a prick Buffy. He left you the next morning—"

"I bet that's what the girls you've slept with and left say the same thing. I
wonder if their best guy friends say the same thing to them as you're
saying to me."

He continued on, ignoring her. "You don't want some guy that can't even
be decent enough to tell you his real name. And you don't need that kind of
guy being around for the baby, whether or not he is the biological father."

"Is this where you say that anyone can be a father but it takes a man to be
a dad?" Buffy asked, wrinkling her nose.

"I was, but now I'm thinking that sounds clichéd."

"Little bit. I know what you mean though. And you're right. I just never
imagined this way you know? I always thought I'd be married when I had
kids."

"You will be married one day, kitten, just like you want."

"Promise?"

"When have I ever lied to you?"

"Never. And that's what I'm putting my faith on right now."


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