Chapter 36



"Miss Summers, have you had a chance to look at the ‘Round Up' page yet?" Buffy's assistant Cheryl asked, popping her head in the door.

"Uh, no, I haven't. I'll take a look at it now. Thank Cheryl."

"No problem. Do you need anything?"

"Nope, all set. Thanks," Buffy smiled and Cheryl departed.

Grabbing the paper under the stack of articles that were to be in the next
issue, Buffy found the page she was looking for and spread it out in front of
her. It was referred to as the "Round Up" page and essentially what it
consisted of was a question at the top of the page and answers by several
individuals –male individuals. The concept was to give a range of opinions
by men for women. At the top of the page in bold blue letters was the
question: Does Talking about Past Relationships Cause Problems?

Buffy's eyebrows flew off her head. How coincidental was that? Lorne
would say, "There's no such thing as a coincidence. Everything happens for
a reason." She gulped. Okay, so it just happened to coincide with her tape
finding and asking about ex's last night. She perused through and found
several on both for asking questions and against. The ones who were for it
basically said that asking questions about the past can help clue into what
might make a person tick, why the relationship failed and in essence avoid
the same mistakes. Buffy furrowed her brow. She already knew what made
Spike tick, much more than the girls he'd dated before. The relationships
failed because he didn't want to put any effort in them and the reason why
he didn't want to put any effort in them was because—Light Dawns over
Marblehead—He'd been in love with her. She started to twirl the ring on
her finger and then stopped to stare at it. She'd never put it away the night
before. Because it was so much a part of her now . . . like Spike. That ring
symbolized more than she realized. He could have given her any old ring,
bought a fake one for crying out loud, and yet, he didn't. What was it he had
said? He had wanted to act the way he would if she were really his. He'd
showered her with affection, given her his attention, gotten jealous over
Jonathan and Lorne (before he knew Lorne was gay) and had been nothing
but honest with her. He had admitted to her the night before that often
times he would end dates early to hang out with her. That ring signified all
his love, all his devotion and all his willing to make it work. Despite her
insecurities.

Was she afraid of losing her heart or was she afraid of losing Spike? Her
breath hitched. They were one and the same as far as she was concerned.
Spike was her heart.

"Knock, knock."

Her head jerked to find a grinning Spike in the doorway. "What's got you
thinking so hard precious?"

"Just looking over an article. What brought you by?" she asked, standing
to give him a hug.

"Do I need a reason to see my girl?"

"Nope,"she smiled brightly and then stopped midway on her way to see
him. His hands were behind his back. "What are you hiding behind your
back?"

He grinned broadly and produced a tin lunchbox. She started to giggle.
"What is on that?" and she grabbed for it, inspecting it. "Wonder Woman!"

"I remember you telling me you worshipped her when you were a kid and
I found it when I was out today and had to get it."

"I love it!" Buffy exclaimed pouring over it. "See, it really is the little things
that make me happy."

"Well inside is your lunch."

She immediately opened the latch and found a Fluffanutter, a fruit punch
juice box and a bag of chips. "How friggen cute are you?" she gushed and
after setting her lunch down, flung her arms around him.

"I figured since you told your mom I made you lunch, I should start
honoring that."

She grinned against his neck. "I love you."

"I love you too, kitten."

"Stay for a while? I'll split my sandwhich with you."

"Deal."

"But you can't have any chips."

"I figured."





Munching away on her chips, Buffy watched as Spike interacted with her
assistant. Her assistant was flirting, she realized. She remembered once
hearing through the grapevine that the girl had a crush on ‘Miss Summers
hot friend'. Buffy smiled inside. Now it would be ‘Miss Summer hot
boyfriend.' Watching the two interact however, Buffy noticed how
impervious Spike was to Cheryl's flirting. He was kind, funny and charming,
but it was the subject matter – and what were they talking about?—that
engaged him, not Cheryl herself. The kicker was?

She wasn't jealous. At all. In fact, she felt very comfortable standing up,
dusting the chips off and excusing herself to use the bathroom. Spike smiled
at her and winked, causing Buffy's heart to flutter as she made her way out
of the room. She was grinning like an idiot and she didn't care.

It had finally sunk into her thick head that Spike loved her. HER. She had
spent so much time worrying that she was going to lose him because he'd
get tired of her, or because she wasn't adventurous enough in bed or
because she wasn't like any of the girls he dated and it had never once
occurred to her that Spike loved her because she WASN'T the girls he
dated. She was Buffy and that was all he wanted from her. When Cheryl
had come into the room and started batting her eyelashes the way she'd
seen so many girls do in Spike's presence, she'd noticed the change he had told her of. When they had first become friends, she'd witnessed him interact with the interchangeable females plenty of times. She's seen Spike ‘On the Prowl'. She'd never noticed until he'd pointed it out to her how it had changed over the years when he started to realize he was in love with her. He wasn't ‘On the Prowl' when she was around; he was wholly with her.

She was so proud of herself for not feeling insecure that Spike would have
fallen for the flirty, coy act that she even hoped Cheryl had made a pass at him so Buffy could tell him how NOT jealous she was. Okay, well, she'd be jealous, but not because she thought Spike would leave her. No, the point was very much that she knew he would not. He was with her. Totally. All the way. And it was time that she was with him: Totally and all the way. She also decided that she wasn't going to freak out anymore about their fake engagement and she wasn't going to give her ring back. She was going to hold onto it and do what she had been told to do: Go with the flow AND give time a little nudge. Lorne had said they were an unconventional couple and that they wouldn't do things the same way. Well, he was right and she was going to prove him right all the while going after what she wanted and what she wanted was Spike.

"Can I give you my number?" Cheryl purred, perching herself in front of Spike on the coffee table.

"Why?" Spike asked, confused.

"So that we could go out, silly," Cheryl giggled and touched his arm. "I'd
love to see your movie collection."

Spike jumped back as if he'd been burned. "I don't think so Cheryl."

"Why not?" she pouted. Not a cute pout. Now Buffy had a cute pout.
Buffy's pout made him want to suck on her bottom lip.

"Because I have a girlfriend," Spike said matter of factly.

"You always have a girlfriend. Doesn't matter."

Spike's eyes widened. "How do you know?"

"You went out with an acquaintance of mine. She said you were a stallion in
bed. I'd like to see for myself," and she grinned saucily at him, trailing a
finger up his arm.

He grabbed her hand and took it off him. "No Cheryl. I think you're a nice
girl and I think you are attractive, but I love my girlfriend."

"No one said you had to stop loving her. But you can have some fun on the
side," she batted her eyelashes. There had been a time that he had actually
found this sexy. Now it was annoying as hell.

Spike stood. "I don't cheat."

"Bull," Cheryl argued and stood in front of him.

He stepped away. "I don't cheat on Buffy. I love her and would never do
anything to risk losing her."

Cheryl's jaw dropped. "You're with BUFFY?"

Spike nodded and grinned. "You better run along now before my kitten
shows her claws."

"I think when defending your honor, I should at least be elevated to
Tigress," Buffy announced, entering the room. She raised an eyebrow at
Cheryl. "Do you have some work to do?"

Cheryl sputtered her apology.

"Go back to work Cheryl. Oh, before you go. Take the Round Up page. It's
perfect the way it is."

Cheryl nodded, backing out of the room as if Buffy were some kind of
Queen. Once the door closed, Spike studied Buffy. She didn't look mad. She
looked almost amused. Proud even. She looked at him.

"She was so hitting on you!" she sounded excited by this.

Spike blinked, not sure how to tread. "Yeah, she was," he said slowly.

"I'm not jealous! Behold how not jealous I am! Okay, well I want to scratch
her eyes out for touching you, but I totally trusted you. I didn't think for
one minute you'd fall for that act. I am so proud of me right now! I'm
growing up. We should go out and celebrate this amazing feat by me."

Spike burst out laughing. "You are completely insane."

"I know. Don't you love it?"

"You have no idea how much," he nearly growled and stalked over to her,
grabbing her into his arms and kissing her passionately.

"Wow. I should not be jealous more often."

"It's a good look on you," he grinned. "What changed?"

"I realized that I wasn't going with the flow as well as I thought I had
been."

"What?"

"Not important. It's a long story and I don't know about you, but I'm
storied out. Spike, does it bother you when I ask you about your ex
girlfriends?"

"I'm not going to lie kitten. It does sometimes."

"Why?"

"Because I'm afraid you'll become so upset with me you won't want to be
with me anymore. Because I see the hurt look you get in your eyes when I
talk about it and it kills me to know I caused it when all I want to do is
make sure you never hurt. And because they are my past Buffy. You are
my future and I'd rather not dwell on the past. All that I have and want is
right here in my arms."

She pouted sappily and he did what he had been thinking of earlier and
leaned in and sucked on her bottom lip. She tasted like Fluff and peanut
butter.

"I'll try not to ask anymore."

"You don't have to change everything about you for me Buffy. I know
you're inquisitive about it too."

"I know. But I don't want to do anything that might stop the forward
progress of our relationship."

"Me neither."

"And I think as part of the forward progress of our relationship, you should
take me out for a hamburger tonight."

"How is that helping our relationship?"

"I have a craving and making me happy will in turn make you happy."
Spike laughed and smothered her in a kiss, agreeing.




"Buffy, you inhaled that burger." Spike said in awe over dinner later that night.

"What are you trying to say?"

He chuckled, "That you inhaled the burger."

She grinned and sat back satisfied. "That's what I thought," and she
laughed at herself. Then, paled.

"Buffy? What's wrong?" he asked, leaning across the table and grabbing
her hand. Her eyes were focused across the room. Spike turned to see a
tall, dark haired man with Dockers and a polo shirt standing at the pool
table across the room. He was looking directly at Buffy.

"Buffy? Who is that?" Spike asked, fearing he already knew.

"The father," Buffy whispered and with her hand on her belly, stood.





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