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Chapter Seventeen


"Buffy, can we try and talk like adults?" Joyce asked, pursing her lips together.

Sighing heavily with a look that said she wanted to do anything but, Buffy nodded and sat down on the bed once again.

"I'll be downstairs," Spike told them. He started to leave and then stopped.
"Wait. Is there a mob down there ready to tear me apart?"

Joyce smiled, "No. You have to understand, it was just surprising news for
us all. Right out of left field. I never thought Buffy would. . . " Joyce trailed
off.

"Great, this conversation is already starting out perfect. You never
thought Buffy would get married or get pregnant right?" Buffy spat
bitterly, even though she was thinking the same thing. Which just rubbed
more salt in the wound. It was one thing thinking you yourself a loser,
another thing knowing others thought it as well. And, on top if it all, she was
having a baby due to a one night stand and her and Spike weren't even
really together.

"Buffy, you're misunderstanding what I'm saying," Joyce said reasonably
with just a hint of frustration laced in her tone.

"Then start explaining fast before I get all my crap packed up and Spike
and I leave," Buffy demanded angrily. She could feel the onslaught of tears
coming back and she was clenching her fists at her sides trying to stop
them. She hated to cry, hated showing she was hurt, and hated the idea of
giving that power over to someone.

"Buffy," Spike started, moving towards her and then stopped. He looked
apologetically at Joyce. "Sorry, it's just when she's upset my natural instinct
is to go to her."

"You love her. It's understandable," Joyce said simply, smiling at him.

Spike looked at Buffy, meeting her eyes. "I do."

The sincerity in his words and in his eyes made Buffy pause and her
breath hitch. She shook her head. No, she couldn't do this right now. Not
that—whatever ‘that' was.

"I'll be downstairs," he told them both before exiting.

"All right. Go ahead," Buffy waved her hand at Joyce. "Make it good."

"I am still your mother Buffy. I do still deserve respect."

"You have to earn it in order to get it," Buffy snapped. "When have you
ever respected me? You've never let me live my life, you've always pushed
me this way and that way, told instead of asked, always quick with the
comments about how I live my life. And yet you wonder why I never tell
you anything! Why I'm never around."

"And that's exactly why I butt in."

Buffy froze. "What?"

"Buffy, you've always been so independent. You've never seemed to need
me or even want me. When you wanted someone, it was always your
father," Joyce explained gently, any harshness from before completely
obliterated.

"You had Harmony," Buffy murmured, dejectedly.

"Because Harmony sought me out and because she was always needy. You
made it very clear that you were independent and would do things on your
own. If I tried to invade your world, you shoved me out. With both hands.
And the way you argued with me . . . that's why I suggested you become an
attorney. You give as good as you get and you have such a brilliant mind."

"You always seemed to prefer Harmony," Buffy murmured sadly.

"How could I ‘prefer' her over you, Buffy? You're my daughter!"

"You always seemed so proud of her in all that she did. Seemed like you
could have cared less what I did."

"Not true. I always cared. But whenever I asked, you accused me of
‘intruding' and trying to tell you what to do."

"Sometimes it felt like it."

"If I intruded or harped on you, it was because I wanted to be part of your
life. I wanted to help you where I thought mistakes might have been
made—"

"You didn't trust my judgment. Never did." Thinking of her baby, Buffy
added in her mind a ‘rightfully so'.

"It's hard for a parent to sit by and just watch someone make a mistake
that they made once themselves and wished they could have done over.
Your father was better at it. I'm not. Harmony let me advise her. You
never wanted to listen. Instead you took off to do your own thing and kept
things from me. I had to intrude to know what was going on with you
Buffy." Joyce sat down next to her. "When you told me you were engaged, I
felt as if I'd once again been thrown out of the loop. Which is why we fudged
your invitation. To visit with you Buffy. Not to condemn you or pick you
apart, but to spend time with you. And then you drop the bomb that you're
engaged and now pregnant. Do you know how much it hurts to know that
your own daughter won't share these life altering events with you?"

Now Buffy felt guilt. Tears leaked and she let them. Joyce wrapped an
arm around her. "I don't tell you these things to make you feel guilty. I
thought if you knew, maybe you'd see where I was coming from. I want
good things for you Buffy. Always have. And when I said that I never
thought you'd get married and have children, I didn't mean it because I
think you're unlovable. Quite the contrary. I meant that I never thought
you'd want to. You put up walls and barriers. I've seen you push people
away—especially men—when they get too close. I figured you were either
gay, or just couldn't find the time with your busy career to settle down. And
I wanted you to. I wanted so badly for you to be happy.

I'm thrilled with Spike. He seems like such a perfect guy for you—"

"You think so?" Buffy asked tearfully.

Joyce smiled down at her. "I really do. He's charming and sweet. And the way he looks at you . . . I think he thinks you hung the moon."

"Really?

Joyce nodded. "And what's wonderful to see? You feel the same."

Buffy let out a little chortle at that. Confuse me more why don't you? she
thought.

"So you don't think we're only getting married because of the baby?" One
more time for clarity's sake that I'm not unlovable.

"No!" She looked upset, disgusted. "I can't believe Harmony said that. In a
way I can't anyway. She's always been jealous of you."

"What? Can you repeat that? I just heard you say that Harmony's jealous
of me."

"Think about it Buffy. Her mother is dead and her dad was too busy
cavorting around the world and sleeping around to pay any attention to
her. Plus, you've always been the straight A student and the go getter while
she barely scraped by."

"She was always popular," Buffy pointed out.

"And you could have cared less."

"True. Mom. . . did you know that Jonathan and I used to sort of date?"

Joyce's eyes widened. "I knew you and he were friends, but I never knew
you were dating!"

"Well, I guess you couldn't really call it that. I mean we were more friends
than anything else."

"So that explains why Spike was giving him the evil eye," Joyce hummed
in understanding.

"He was?" Buffy's eyes were about to pop.

"He didn't know?" Joyce asked, confused.

"Well, no. Like I said it wasn't really dating. More like friends . . ."

"Ah, but you did rush to hug him and then flew off to phone Willow—
why?"

"No reason," Buffy bristled and stood up.

"Buffy," Joyce sighed. "Why can't you share one thing with me?"

"I just didn't realize because he'd changed his name that it was him."

"So Spike assumed."

"Oh boy did he!"

Joyce smiled knowingly, "He was jealous."

Buffy's brow furrowed. "You think so?" His words and his hostility with the question 'Are you cheating on me with him?' rang in her ears. Huh.

Joyce now looked at her as if she were crazy.

"Okay. Yeah. Maybe," Buffy shrugged, trying to be nonchalant.

"Do you still harbor feelings for Jonathan?" Joyce asked carefully.

"Oh God no! I never...I never loved him or anything like that. Just . . .
shocked me." And made me wonder what the hell is going on with this
wedding.

"He's been quite successful since he graduated. He's an engineer now and
works under a genius, of the literal sort. I guess they've been working
together on some groundbreaking inventions. It's all hush-hush, but
Jonathan seems really excited about it. He already owns his own house and
Harmony is moving in after the wedding." Joyce didn't know it, but she just
defined for Buffy why Harmony was making this match. What was lost on
her was why Jonathan was. Harmony was a genius at cutting hair and
choosing a matching outfit, but the girl could barely add two plus two. Buffy
remembered Harmony going off one night to one of her friends on the
phone about wanting to open her own saloon, but that she would need a
rich husband to help her with it. Buffy remembered thinking that he'd also
have to be stupid. It seemed with Jonathan the chess pieces were falling
into place for Harmony. But why was Jonathan agreeing to it? What was it
Spike had called her? An insipid little brat. Close, but Harmony was more of
a bitch than a brat. Buffy was a brat. Harmony was not. She wasn't cute
enough to pull it off, Buffy thought smugly.

"Does she love him?" Buffy asked.

"Well, yes, of course she does. She's marrying him isn't she?" Joyce said as
if she thought Buffy had asked the silliest question ever. Her mother could
be really dense sometimes. "And frankly, she needs to go."

Buffy's jaw dropped. "Mom!"

Joyce grinned mischievously. Well, that made sense in why Joyce's suspicions weren't aroused. Well. She was really going to be pissed when Buffy blew the lid on this wedding wasn't she?

"Is there anything else you'd like to share Buffy? Anything else you're
keeping from me?" Joyce asked, peering intently at her.

Buffy bit her bottom lip and shook her head. Oh so many things could be
said right now. . . but what would be the point? So yeah, her mother just
told opened up to her and in a way, Buffy had opened up to her too. They'd
connected. They'd bonded on some level and things would probably be
different from now on. But it would still take time. For Christ's Sake, this
wasn't a sitcom or a novel. This was real life. And in real life people held
secrets and sometimes had to deceive others to get what they needed. It
wasn't a pretty fact, but a fact nonetheless. At least that's what Buffy was
telling herself to squelch the feelings of guilt rising up within her.

"Shall we go now dear?" Joyce asked, smiling at her.

Buffy looked hesitantly toward the door. Sure things were okay with her and her mom at the moment, but was she ready to go downstairs and face a room full of people who no doubt had questions ready to be fired at her? That would be a resounding no. Just the thought exhausted her.

"Buffy, it'll be all right. I promise. They won't be attacking you. Besides,
Spike's been down there probably doing some recon on—"

"Shit! I left him to the pack of wolves!" Buffy scrambled out the door and
flew down the stairs. Talking ceased as soon as she entered the living room.
Spike was sitting in front of the fireplace. He looked calm. He also looked as
if he'd been interrogated from the way there were all circled around him
and scattered about the room. He stood as soon as he saw Buffy.

Holding her head high, she strode across the room to him and wrapped her
arms around his waist, resting her head against his chest, listening to his
heart beat. Was it her or was it racing now? Must be the interrogation. She
turned her head, staring at them.

"Congratulations, Buffy," Cordelia began. "I think it's great."

Angel cleared his throat and stepped forward. "Think you'd consider
naming it after me?" he grinned nervously.

She grinned back. "My baby is not going to be named Buttmunch."

Then everyone, sans Harmony and Jonathan came forward to congratulate
them. Joyce came down amidst all of it and announced they should get
going if they were going to make it on time.

"Still want to take my chariot?" Spike murmured against her ear.

Buffy nodded. "No place I'd rather be right now," she told him, beaming up
at him.

Leaning in, Buffy thought he was going to kiss her, and was disappointed
when he merely brushed a soft kiss on her forehead. Now that the cat was
out of the bag, it seemed there were other things she was going to have to
figure out. Like how this play acting was beginning to affect her.


A/N: I am so thankful to all of you for the reviews you've left me, especially by those that have come out of the woodwork to review. Thank you so much.





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