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Buffy started running up the stairs to Spike's apartment when she heard the yelling. She stopped abruptly and waited, straining to hear if it was coming from his apartment.
"You are such a prick Spike!" A woman screeched.
Yep, it was his. Letting out air between her teeth, she wondered what was wrong with this one. She was surprised actually. She'd lasted at least a week longer than the rest.
The door swung open and out came a fuming blonde. She was red in the face and Buffy started going backwards down the stairs, trying not to be seen. No sudden movements Summers, she told herself.
Anya went to the top of the staircase that Buffy was on and glared down at
her. Spike was following behind, curiosity etched on his face. He saw Buffy
and a look of shame passed over his features in an instant.
"H-hi. Anya right?" Buffy asked sheepishly, suddenly fearing for her life.
Anya made her way down the stairs, clutching a stuffed bear in her fist.
She stood in front of Buffy and Buffy started to feel herself cringe in
response to the animosity coming off the girl in waves.
"It's always you. You're always here," Anya spat accusingly.
"This is the first time I've ever visited Spike when you've been over,"
Buffy said gently, trying not to anger her more than she already was.
Anya let out a guffaw of disgust. "You don't get it either." She looked up at
Spike and keeping her gaze on him, brought the bear out in front of her and
ripped its leg off with her bare hands. Stuffing started to fly.
"That's inhumane! The poor bear didn't do anything!" Buffy exclaimed
running up the stairs into safety.
Anya responded by flinging the bear and its torn leg at them. The bear hit
Spike in the face and the stuffing leg hit Buffy off the shoulder.
"I'm sure you'll be very happy together!" Anya shouted and ran down the
stairs. They watched in silence until the sound of the door slamming
reverberated through the building.
Buffy turned to Spike and said conversationally, "can't imagine why you let
Spike gave her a look, "shut up Summers," and he started for his
She started to laugh. "So, what was wrong with this one? Hair too short?
She doesn't like the Ramones?" Buffy started to list off as she followed
Spike into his apartment. "Though I don't like the Ramones and you've
never cut me loose. Course, you can't because I told you, you were stuck
with me â€“-" She stopped when she noticed the mess in his apartment. Apparently Anya did some redecorating before she left. " Jesus, Mary and Joseph, this one did a number. I think she took out Beth, Jessica and Angela on this one. Did she smash CD's?" She made her way over to the pile of CD's in the middle of the room. "Oh, come on Spike! She broke the Sex Pistols one. The one we spent all day looking for when Jessica smashed it." She held up the remains. "You've got to stop telling them it's your favorite."
Spike looked at her grimly. "You done yet?"
"Probably not, but, I'll stop for now," Buffy giggled.
"I didn't want you to have to see that," he muttered.
Buffy shrugged, "no biggie. It's not like you have to protect me from your nasty break ups."
"Still, she just. . . she was out of control." He grabbed a cigarette from his
shirt pocket and lit up.
Buffy looked around her. "You think so?"
"I should just get used to you busting my balls on this for a while huh?"
"Might make it easier for you."
"All right. So, what'd you stop by for?"
"Geez. Can't a girl visit her best friend in the middle of the day? Though, I
think I'll call next time . . . "
Silence fell as Spike puffed on his cigarette. "All right. I'll tell you."
Buffy waited anxiously.
"She didn't like ice cream."
Buffy blinked. She stared at him. "I'm sorry, what? I think I
misunderstood you, I thought you said you dumped her because she didn't like ice cream."
"You heard right," Spike sighed, running a hand through his hair.
"And ice cream is the foundation of any healthy relationship. I can see why
you'd be upset."
"It's just how can I have ice cream in the summer with a girl that doesn't enjoy it? I mean, how can I go to Ben and Jerry's in the summer and get a waffle cone with someone who doesn't eat it? You know it's a thing I like to do. Get a waffle cone with vanilla â€“"
"Take a walk in the park and bite off the end of the cone â€“"
"And suck the vanilla out," Spike finished.
Buffy nodded, "right. It's a Spike thing."
"It is. And she wasn't into it. She'd rather have a cappuccino." He stubbed out the cigarette violently in remains of the ashtray littering the floor.
"There are some things I just can't abide with," he told her standing up.
"You know, you need to stop watching Seinfeld. I really think it gives you
"What do you mean?"
"Spike, this is right up there with Jerry not wanting to date that girl
because she ate her peas one at a time. And, I seem to remember you did
forget the name of the one girl you dated, just like Jerry did. It's a bad
influence on your love life."
Spike chortled, "Love? Who said anything about that? Can't love someone who doesn't appreciate ice cream on a summer afternoon."
Buffy shook her head, smiling in spite of his serial dating and what it meant
for his next â€˜victim'. "I should write an article for you in Cool. I'll call it:
Serial Daters and How to Spot Them. I'll do an expose on you."
"I'm not going to be in your bleeding magazine for that. However, if you do
want to put me in there for my artwork . . . "
"I can't, you know I can't. Conflict of interest, PLUS we don't do art. We do
gossip, advice and fashion."
"I know, I know, I know. You wanna get out of here? I don't even want to
look at this mess."
"Well, just think of how happy you're going to keep Merry Maids when you
call. Don't they usually do a courtesy call to see if you need them around
now? I think they have it down to a science just like the rest of us. Date
someone for a month, break up with them, wait a week, and then start
dating someone new."
"I think you missed your calling. Should have been a comedian," Spike told
her deadpan, ushering her out the door.
"We've talked about this. You told me I couldn't use you in my act. And
without you I don't have any bits."
"Yeah, Summers, you're bleeding hysterical you know that?"
"It's why you love me!" She told him brightly and bounded down the
"If only you knew," Spike muttered as he locked the door and ran after
A/N: This idea popped in my head and it was bugging me...I had to just do it.