Spike had been in his room all day. He didn’t even know when dawn had turned to dusk. Intent as he was on practicing his guitar and writing his latest verse. Something had been in his head all day. Knocking around. He just couldn’t seem to get it out.

He barely registered the knock on his door. Or the sound of it creaking open. Until he heard that familiar, throaty voice.

“Hey playa.”

Spike looked up. To find Faith Lehane standing in the doorway of his bedroom. The brunette was wearing her hair down to her shoulders. Her eyes were smoky. Her gorgeous lips were painted an alluring red. She was rocking black leather pants. And a tight, white top with no bra. Her large, firm breasts on display. Round, dark nipples practically poking through the top.

Christ, Spike thought. With great effort, he managed to tear his eyes away from her chest. She’s so fucking sexy. And she goddamn knows it.

“Not heading out tonight?” the brunette asked. Smiling flirtatiously at him. And running a finger through her hair. Spike noted her eyes darting to his bare chest and stomach. And his too tight for comfort jeans.

“Figured I’d stay in,” Spike said. Casually. Laying his guitar down, he stretched out a little. Taking in a short breath to give his stomach and abs even more definition. “Write a little.”

“You gals heading out?” Spike asked.

“Yeah,” Faiths said. “Figured we’d dance the night away.”

“Noice,” Spike said. He picked up his guitar again and began to strum it. “Well, break a leg.”

A moment later, he heard a sweet voice chime in.

“Wanna join us?”

When Spike looked up again, he saw Buffy Summers had taken Faith’s place. The blonde was also wearing her golden locks down. Exactly how he liked it. Her face was perfectly made up. Cheeks painted pink. Lips pouty and kissable.

Buffy was in a little black dress. Which showed plenty of her golden cleavage and cut off mid-thigh. With black knee-high boots as the finishing touch on the killer combination. She looked simply to die for. Spike found his jeans growing even more tighter.

Christ, Spike thought. Gritting his teeth. Lord give me strength.

If the women even suspected what sorts of thoughts were running through his mind, Spike knew he’d be tossed out of their apartment faster than a pissed-soaked New York minute. He decided the best way to stay out of trouble was to keep his distance.

“I’m good,” Spike said. Lowering his head back to his lap. A moment passed.

“Cool,” Buffy said.

“Have a good night,” Faith chimed in.

“You too,” Spike said.

When they shut his door, Spike waited. Only when he’d heard the main door of their apartment and their voices completely drown out did he let lay back. Now, setting the guitar aside, Spike covered his face with his hands. And let out a long, pitiable groan.

Wondering how in the fuck he got himself into this.

Two months ago, Spike couldn’t have believed his luck when he answered the roommate wanted advert. When the door had opened, he’d found himself looking at the two sexiest women he’d ever seen.

Buffy Anne Summers and Faith Lehane. A gorgeous blonde and a stunning brunette. A quick interview later, they’d invited him to share their two-bedroom apartment.

It was like he’d died and gone to hot girl heaven.

Then, that first night, sitting in his room, he’d discovered the truth. It dawned on him as he heard noises coming from Buffy and Faith’s bedroom. Like a baseball bat to the back of his head.

It was then he realised that Buffy and Faith weren’t just roommates. They were, in fact, “roommates.”

Since a threesome with two gorgeous lesbians wasn’t on the menu, Spike knew what he had to do. Making sure his door was locked, he dropped his jeans, then got on the bed and reached for the lubricant.

“Christ,” Spike muttered after he'd finished yet another vigorous session of self-relief. Just as he had that first night after hearing moans from their bedroom. “I’m so fucked.”

“You won’t believe what that asshole Snyder did!” Buffy hissed.

“Huh??” Faith asked. Looking up from her book Tipping the Velvet.

“B!” Faith said. Wincing when her girlfriend slammed the door behind her with a massive thud. “Babe. Take it easy!”

“He doubled our rent!” Buffy said. “Can you believe that?”

“Son of a bitch!” Faith swore. Tossing the book on their sofa and rising to her feet. “Wait, can he actually do that?”

“I don’t know,” Buffy said. Shaking her head. “What I do know is that we need to hire a lawyer. Pronto.”

“Rent’s due in a week B,” Faith said. “Plus, you know, that other thing we were saving up for.”

By now, the blonde was pacing up and down nervously.

“I know,” Buffy said. “You don’t have to remind me.”

“So?” Faith asked.

“I don’t know Faithey,” Buffy said. Heavily.

“Maybe you could ask your da….” Faith began. Only to trail off when her girlfriend gave her a death glare.

“I guess we better start looking for a roommate then,” Faith said. “I’ll get to working on the flyers.”

“Make sure you put no serial killers wanted,” Buffy said. Pointedly. “In bold font.”

“Funny,” Faith said. “Also, no uggos right?”

“Duh,” Buffy said. “Uggos make angels weep.”

A week later…

“Is everyone in this goddamn city out of their minds?” Buffy wondered.

“Feels like it sometimes,” Faith said.

Buffy came around to the kitchen island where Faith was sitting. Then put her arms around her girlfriend.

“I spent the afternoon interviewing a furry,” Buffy said. Morosely. “It was a real ‘what am I doing with my life’ moment?’.

“Aww,” Faith said. Drawing Buffy close. “Poor baby.”

“Did you know what a furry is?” Buffy asked. Accusingly.

“I may have heard the term in passing,” Faith admitted.

“Well, thanks for the heads-up,” Buffy said. Sarcastically.

“You’re welcome sweetie,” Faith said. Turning around now, she cupped her girlfriend’s face. “You’re so cute when you’re angry.”

“Shut up,” Buffy huffed.

Faith planted a gentle kiss on Buffy’s lips.

A moment later, Buffy began kissing Faith back.

But before the kiss could deepen, their doorbell rang.

“We expecting anyone?” Buffy asked.

“Some guy called,” Faith said. “Said he needed an apartment.”

Buffy stared at Faith askance.

“A guy?” Buffy asked. Raising her eyebrows. “Won’t that kinda… cramp our style?”

“He said he could pay upfront for the next year,” Faith said. “Cold, hard cash.”

That got Buffy’s attention.

“Oh?” Buffy asked.

“Double what we asked,” Faith said. “He said all he needed a nice, clean room quick. No questions asked.”

“Well, that doesn’t sound shady at all!” Buffy said.

The doorbell rang again.

Faith shot Buffy an expectant look.

“Fine,” Buffy muttered. “But he better not get any ideas. You’re mine.”

“Such a cutie pie,” Faith cooed. Pinching her lover’s cheek.

The interview…

“So….” Faith said.

Buffy, meanwhile, was in a corner of the kitchen. Leaning against the refrigerator. Suspiciously eyeing the newcomer out of the corner of her eye.

For Buffy at least, the bleach blonde hair, pierced eyebrow and leather jacket had set alarm bells ringing. Spike, meanwhile, was leisurely sipping coffee on their kitchen island.

“So….” Spike said. Looking from woman to woman.

Christ, they were both bleeding gorgeous.

“What type of name is Spike?” Buffy asked. Wrinkling her nose. “It sounds like a dog’s name.”

“B!” Faith admonished. She gave Spike a sympathetic smile. “I’m sorry. She doesn’t exactly play well with others.”

Buffy rolled her eyes. The hefty advance Spike had plunked down on the counter – enough to cover a year’s rent in advance plus a hefty deposit – had clearly had caused Faith to lose her mind.

“It’s a nickname,” Spike said. “Name’s William. William Pratt. You can call me Will if you like.”

“You’re currently unemployed?” Buffy asked.

“Was employed,” Spike said. “As a teacher. Back in merry old England.”

“A teacher?” Buffy asked. Clearly skeptical. “What did you teach, knife-fighting down at their local Y?”

Spike smirked. Finding the blonde’s feistiness adorable.

“Literature,” he said. “And poetry.”

“Oh?” Faith asked. Shooting her girlfriend an impressed look.

“Poetry?” Buffy asked. Skeptically.

Spike pursed his lips. He looked Buffy straight in the eye now.

“She walks in beauty, like the night. Of cloudless climes and starry skies.”

Buffy found herself shifting under his gaze. Blushing slightly. Thankfully, Spike turned his attention to Faith.

“And all that’s best of dark and bright. Meet in her aspect and her eyes,” he added.

Faith joined her hands together and mimed clapping. To which Spike gave an exaggerated bow.

“Anything we should know about you?” Faith asked.

“Like any history of mental illness in the family, maybe?” Buffy added. “Any murderers or scamsters?”

“Nope,” Spike said. “My demons are all my own. Proud of em too.”

Buffy, shooting a look at Faith, walked out of the room.

“If you’ll excuse us,” Faith said. Politely.

“Sure,” Spike said.

“Well?” Faith asked. After she’d followed her girlfriend to the safety of their bedroom.

“Are you serious?” Buffy asked. Lowering her voice. “Like, he could be an axe murderer or something.”

“Awww, come on B,” Faith said. “Can’t you see what’s going on here?”

“What?” Buffy asked.

“That leather jacket can’t be more than a month old. Ditto for the bleached hair,” Faith said. “And I bet my sweet ass that eyebrow piercing is fresh.”

“So?” Buffy asked.

“He said he’s been in the country for less than a month,” Faith said. “He’s clearly just getting over a bad breakup back home. New country, new him.”

“That’s quite the theory,” Buffy said. “Put that together yourself did you, Sherlock?”

“I checked out his social media,” Faith said. “Figured it couldn’t hurt, right?”

“Uh-huh,” Buffy said.

“And best of all,” Faith said. “He’s flush with cash. Unlike the dozen other deadbeats we interviewed.”

Buffy considered it.

“Fine,” she said. “But if he murders us in our sleep…”

“You can say ‘I told ya so’,” Faith allowed.

“More like I’ll resurrect you and kill you myself,” Buffy vowed.

“We good, then?” Faith asked.

“I guess,” Buffy sighed. Suddenly, something occurred to her.

“Did you tell him about us?” she asked. “You know. Playing for the other team?”

“I mean,” Faith began. “Isn’t it obvious?”

“Is it?” Buffy asked. “Do you wanna tell him?”

“I’m sure he’s put two and two together,” Faith said. “Come on. Let’s go break the news to our new roomy.”

“Yaay,” Buffy said. Without much enthusiasm.

Spike, who’d been waiting for a few minutes, had taken the time to survey the kitchen. Small but cozy. Exceedingly clean and well-kept. Not a dish out of place. He was pretty sure which one of the women were responsible.

He heard Buffy and Faith slip into the kitchen behind him. Heard Buffy clear pointedly her.

“You’re in,” Faith said. Giving him an affable smile. “Welcome to the pirate ship, blondie.”

“On a trial basis,” Buffy added. “We’ll see how it goes.”

“I’ll be on my best behaviour,” Spike said. “Scout’s honour.”

“You were a scout?” Buffy asked. Her eyebrows raised in surprise.

“A scoutmaster,” Spike responded. “Great way to meet single women believe it or not.”

Buffy scoffed.

“Speaking of which,” Spike said. “You gals don’t mind if I….”

“Knock yourself out blondie,” Faith said. Scooping up the cash. “It’s your room after all.”

“Just keep it down,” Buffy said. “And no hoes.”

“Yeah,” Faith said. “This is a hoe-free zone. Except for Buffy, of course.”

The blonde responded by punching the brunette on the arm. Hard.

“Come on,” Faith said. “I’ll give you the grand tour.”

This is gonna be fun, Spike thought. Following the blonde and brunette out of the room. Trying not to stare at either of their pert, luscious bottoms.

That night, Spike lay on the bed in his new room. He found himself tossing and turning. Unable to sleep. Thinking about his gorgeous new roommates.

He’d tried not to of course. Not to think about it. Told himself it was a bad idea. That no good could come of it. But in the darkness, the images had come to him. Seemingly of their own accord.

First, what it would be like to take Buffy to bed. Blondes were a particular favourite of his. Particularly ones with innocent eyes, cute-as-a-button noses, petal soft lips and hard, tight bodies. The chit, frankly, was drop-dead gorgeous.

While she’d given him the cold shoulder, Spike fancied his chances of leaving the Ice Queen in puddles.

Just the thought of it had left Spike with a raging stiffy.

Now, his brain began to concoct such a scenario. Of him and Buffy getting to talking one day. In the afternoon when Faith wasn’t around. Buffy would be wearing a spaghetti-strap top paired with a sheer shirt and denim jeans. Looking devastatingly gorgeous in her simple ensemble.

She’d resist his efforts at making nice. Until he made her laugh with some glib comment. Soon, they’d be swapping details of their lives. Connecting.

Suddenly, they’d be flirting. He’d ask if she knew just how gorgeous she was. She’d blush. “Stop,” she’d say. Slapping him on the chest. He’d grin.

Then, they’d find themselves kissing passionately. And practically bursting through the door of his bedroom as they shed their clothes.

Spike’s mouth opened a little to draw breath. As he imagined making love to Buffy. In the missionary position first. Nice and slow. Staring into her eyes. Taking his
time.

“Oh Spike!” the blonde would moan. Blissfully. Then throw her legs over his shoulders. Bringing him even closer to her. Drawing him in even deeper.

“Oh god!” Buffy would moan. Her face contorting in bliss. “Oh fuck!

“Yeah,” Spike whispered. Licking his lips. By now, he’d begun vigorous efforts to relieve himself of his raging stiffy.

All the while fantasizing about himself and the blonde sampling an assortment of sexual positions. The lotus position of course. Buffy riding him cowgirl. Then reverse cowgirl. Him standing up as the blonde bounced herself on his cock. Her expression was one of ecstasy.

Suddenly, Spike’s thoughts turned to Faith. As much as Spike loved blondes, brunettes were a close second. Especially those with dark sultry eyes and pouty lips. Not to mention a right-cracking pair.

He’d wager Faith’s breasts were slightly bigger Buffy’s. But no less high or firm. And her body was equally fantastic.

While Faith hadn’t been much more than politely flirtatious with him, he could have sworn he’d seen a knowing glint in her eye. If Buffy was sunshine, hearts and puppies, Faith was moonlight, balls and pit bulls. A bad girl who loved leather. If Buffy liked it nice and slow, Spike wagered Faith loved to be taken.

Suddenly, the scenario had changed. Of him walking into his room late one night. Finding Faith lying on his bed. Wearing his leather jacket, black stockings and black six-inch high heels. And absolutely nothing else.

The brunette would be lying on her stomach. Her feet kicked up in the air behind her. She’d have taken great care to position herself just so. Baring a tantalizing amount of flesh. Her eyes glinting with ardour.

He’d feign surprise of course. Which she’d easily brush off. Then offer to ride him until his eyes popped like a champagne cork. Buffy, of course, wouldn’t be at home. Staying over at a friend’s likely.

Spike would accept Faith’s terms of course. On the condition that she returned his leather jacket tomorrow. Her high stockings and heels, on the other hand, would stay on. At his insistence.

“Christ,” Spike muttered.

As he fantasized about standing at the foot of the bed and undoing his belt buckle. As Faith crawled over to him on her hands and knees.

“Fuck yeah,” Faith would rasp. At the sight of Spike Jr when his jeans hit the floor. Then, without ceremony, the brunette would lean over and take him into her mouth.

“Yeah,” Spike whispered. As he pictured the brunette – keeping her mirthful eyes on him – beginning to give him the BJ of his lifetime. Her head bobbing up and down.
Taking him deeper and deeper. Inch by delightful inch.

Suddenly, he’d grab Faith up. Then spin her around, bend her over. Then, placing his hands on her hips, take her doggystyle. Hard.

“Oh fuck!” the brunette would moan. Her left hand gripping the bedsheet. Her right hand resting on her right ass cheek. Spreading herself for him.

“Yeah, you like that?” he’d sneer.

“Yeah,” Faith would reply. Her husky voice growing more frantic. “Oh fuck, yeah!”

Now, keeping his right hand on Faith’s hip, he’d move his left to the back of her neck. Leaving the brunette, for all intents and purposes, at his mercy.

“You want it harder?” he’d ask.

“Yeah, fuck me harder,” Faith would gasp. Breathlessly.

He’d oblige of course. Taking Faith harder and harder. Till the brunette was moaning his name to the heavens.

Until he suddenly heard a loud gasp.

“Oh my god!”

This gasp, though, not from Faith. But Buffy.

Spike and Faith would look over. To see the blonde standing by the door. Dressed for a night out on the town. A black crop top, crucifix necklace, red leather trousers and black heeled ankle boots.

Buffy’s arms were folded across herself. The blonde did not look pleased to find them in flagrante delecto.

“Decided not to stay over,” Buffy said. Her arms crossed over herself. Her eyes glittering icily. Her voice cutting. “I guess I wasn’t expected.”

Now, he’d lock eyes with Buffy. And slow down his thrusts.

“Maybe…” Faith would gasp. “Maybe we should stop.”

“No,” Spike would say. Firmly. Emphasizing his point with another thrust of his hips that would make Faith gasp.

“Well, that was fast,” Buffy would say. Her voice teeming with outrage. “What, sleeping with me three days ago wasn’t enough?”

“Huh?” Faith would ask. Panting heavily. “You…. You slept with him, B?”

“Uh huh,” Buffy said. “I guess we have that in common.”

Now, having addressed Faith, she turned to Spike again.

“Now, I come home and find you screwing Faith’s brains out!” Buffy said. Her voice heating up. “I mean, who does this? Who are you?”

By now, he’d have halted his thrusts into Faith. And considered his reply carefully.

“I’m the big bad baby,” he’d say. With a panty-wetting smirk.

Buffy would tilt her head. She’d stare at him. Incomprehensibly.

Then, he’d extend his hand towards Buffy. Asking her to join him and Faith.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Buffy would ask. Her eyes narrowing. Scoffing disbelievingly.

“Can you believe the nerve of him?” she’d ask Faith.

Spike would look back at the brunette. Who would be contemplating it.

“Sounds like a plan B,” Faith would say.

“Faith!” Buffy would protest.

“Oh come on B,” Faith said. “It’s not like we haven’t talked about it a dozen times.”

“Oh yeah?” Spike would ask. Grinning.

“Shut up!” Buffy would huff. Looking guilty. For a few moments she’d just stand there. Arms crossed. A stern expression on her face. Looking Spike up and down.

“Join us,” he’d say. “It’ll be fun. Trust me.”

“And you’re good with this?” the blonde would ask the brunette.

“Five by five,” Faith would say. With a wicked grin.

Buffy would tap her feet. Nibble on her lip. Finally, with a sigh, she’d begin stripping off her clothes. Still in a snit, she’d undo her crop top and shrug off her leather pants. Revealing hot pink underwear.

“Are those mine?” Faith would ask.

“You’ve borrowed plenty of mine without asking,” Buffy would retort.

Finally, she’d take his hand. And join them on the bed. He’d reach out and pull Buffy close. Then, beginning to thrust into Faith again, he’d kiss the hell out of Buffy.

“Oh Spike!” Faith would gasp.

Buffy, meanwhile, would moan into his mouth.

“Oh fuck,” Spike growled.

Suddenly, he had Buffy bent over as Faith watched and touched herself.

Now, his brain went into hyperdrive. Imagining himself, Buffy and Faith engaging in all manner of debaucheries. Together. With both women eagerly exclaiming just how much they relished his talents in the bedroom.

“Oh shit,” Spike moaned. Finding himself getting close, he knew it was time for the big finish. And there was only one way he wanted it to end.

Him laid out on the bed. Watching Buffy and Faith kneeling either side of his cock. The women’s eyes on each other. Their luscious lips encircling his prick in a sensual kiss. Their tongues emerging to run up and down the length of him in perfect sync. Then flickering out over his cockhead. Relentlessly. Mercilessly. Seemingly determined to make him cum.

Spike found himself shuddering violently. And, then, with a gasp and a sob, he came. Harder than he’d ever cum in his life. Shooting out reams and reams of semen.

“Jesus,” Spike rasped. Finding himself soaked with sweat and spent. He retrieved the tissues he’d kept by the bed and attempting to clear up the mess and himself.

“Oh Christ,” he whispered. “Oh fuck.”

He looked down at Spike Jr. Who was, somehow, still semi-hard.

“Come off it mate,” he said. Shaking his head. “I’m done for, yeah.”

Just then, Spike thought he heard… something.

Spike looked around.

“Mmmm,” a breathy voice said.

Spike rose on unsteady feet, then took a tentative step towards the wall separating his room from the women’s bedroom. Then another. And another. Until he’d put his ear against the bedroom wall. He found himself trying not to make a sound. Trying not to breathe even.

“Oh Faithey,” he heard that sugary voice moan. “Oh fuck.”

“Yeah baby,” Faith responded. “You like that B? Huh? Tell me what you want babe.”

“Do that…” Buffy began. “That thing with your tongue.”

“This thing?” Faith asked.

“Oooooh,” Buffy moaned. “That’s it Faithey. Just like that. Eat my pussy.”

Holy shit, Spike thought. As it finally occurred to him. Suddenly, everything clicked into place. Everything he’d seen throughout the day. Everything about the women. The familiarity between them. He’d simply assumed they were best friends.

Now, it all made perfect sense. He’d just signed an agreement to spend the next year living with two absolutely gorgeous lesbians.

What the fuck did I just do? he wondered.

Then, he looked down. To see Spike Jr fully engorged and ready to go again.

I’m so fucked, Spike thought. Shaking his head.

A few days later….

“Oh Spike!” the woman was moaning. Obnoxiously loudly. “Oh baby. Oh fuck!”

Buffy and Faith were in their hall. Faith was watching television, while Buffy was studying for her exam. They’d come home late one night to find their new roommate occupied.

Both decided the best thing to do was just to ignore the sounds coming from his bedroom. It hadn’t worked.

“Ugh,” Buffy said. Shaking her head in frustration, she slammed down her pencil. And rising from the table, plopped down on the sofa next to her girlfriend. Finding concentrating on her studied impossible.

“Should we check on her,” Buffy whispered. Into Faith’s ear. “I mean, he could be killing her or something.”

Faith said nothing. Her girlfriend was staring at the television. Zombie-like. Intently watching the TV show Hannibal. Enraptured, by among other things, at sight of a golden-haired Gillian Anderson.

Faithey certainly does have a type, Buffy had to admit.

“Babe,” Buffy said. Churlishly. “Are you even listening to
me?”

“Of course I am,” Faith said. Glancing at Buffy. Then looking back at the television. Ogling the blonde goddess on screen.

“I’m just saying…” Buffy began.

“Yeah baby!” the woman moaned from the bedroom.

Interrupting Buffy'' thoughts.

“Oh yeah! So fucking good.”

“I think she’ll live,” Faith said. Wryly. Then turned her attention back to the television. “And if not, what a way to go, right?”

Buffy rolled her eyes. Now, the unseen woman in the
bedroom shrieked her pleasure.

It was only the next morning when Buffy and Faith were sharing breakfast that the woman finally emerged. Walking gingerly.

“Hi,” the unfamiliar blonde said. Her voice a little too chirpy for Buffy’s taste. “You must be Spike’s roomies.”

“Buffy,” the blonde said. Taking a leisurely sip of her coffee.

“Faith,” the brunette said.

“Nice to meet you both,” the blonde said. “I’m Anya.”

“And how do you know Spike?” Faith asked.

“Oh, we’re orgasm friends,” Anya said. Casually.

Causing Buffy to spit out the coffee she’d been sipping.

“I mean, we were friends first,” Anya said. Helpfully. “Then I caught my fiancée cheating on me. Then, last night, we moved on to the orgasm bit. Hence orgasm friends.”

“Thanks for the clarification,” Faith said. Wryly. Handing Buffy, a kitchen towel to clean up the mess she’d made.

“I mean, men, right?” Anya added. “So evil. One minute they tell you they love you and the next they’re sleeping with your third cousin.”

“Which is exactly why we got off the team,” Faith said. “Right B?”

“Damn straight,” Buffy said.

“You’re not trying to recruit me, are you?” Anya asked. Frowning. “I mean, no offence. You’re both very nicely shaped and you smell good. But ya know…”

Buffy gave Anya a withering look.

“And I should go,” Anya said. Suddenly. “I’m late. Would you two do me a favour?”

“Sure,” Faith said.

“I couldn’t find my panties this morning,” Anya said. “Would you mind calling me if they turned up?”

The next few days found Buffy and Faith experiencing deja vu. They’d come home to find their formerly spare bedroom rocking.

Joyous moans from the woman in question Spike had brought home earlier that evening. Inevitably keeping them awake till late night.

The next morning, Spike would be sleeping it off while the woman would turn up to their kitchen.

First, was beautiful busty Cordelia Chase. A snooty model who turned up her nose at Buffy and Faith.

“Get the fuck out of here,” Faith said. “Before I lose my cool and bust your lopsided ass open.”

Next was a ditzy blonde named Harmony. Who, much to their amusement, accused them both of wanting to steal her Spikey-bear.

“Crazy bitch,” Buffy muttered. Slamming the door in her face.

Next up was sweet, wholesome Kate. A female cop just as nice as nice could be. Buffy and Faith found her in their kitchen – making them delicious pancakes.

Then, Darla. A 40-year-old MILF.

“Used to go to school with my son,” she explained to the two women. “We ran into each other at a bar.”

“He was a right real wanker too!” Spike yelled. Sticking out his head from his bedroom door.

Darla shot both women a slightly abashed look.

“But the way I see it, we’re even now,” Spike added. With a smirk. “More than even, I wager.”

Now, Darla giggled.

“Fancy getting a little more even?” she asked.

“Get your sweet ass in here,” Spike said.

Darla gave both women a little wave. Then returned to the bedroom.

Then, girl next door Fred. Who, blushing adorably, was unable to meet either of their eyes. She practically fled upon being offered a cup of coffee.

50-year-old Lillah. Lighting up in their kitchen – much to Buffy’s dismay – in her rumpled powersuit.

“It’s nice when two people know exactly what they’re looking for,” Lilah said.

Then, Chinese-American stunner Xin. Who didn’t speak a word of English, but made several inappropriate hand motions to indicate what had occurred the previous night. Leaving Faith in splits.

“Maybe we should ask him to get a hotel room a couple nights a week?” Buffy asked. Late one night as they lay together in bed. Listening to yet another woman praising Spike’s talents in the bedroom.

Faith shot her girlfriend a look.

“Just a thought,” Buffy said. Defensively.

Finally, the voices next door had died down. Momentarily
at least. Buffy let out a deep sigh.

“It’s like living with Ron Jeremy,” Buffy said.

“Who?” Faith asked. Her eyebrows furrowed.

“Ron Jeremy,” Buffy said. Crinkling her nose. “You know, the pornstar?”

“Isn’t he dead?” Faith asked.

“No,” Buffy said. “I mean… maybe?”

Now, Faith laughed.

“When was the last time you watched porn B?” Faith asked. “1988?”

“Shut up,” Buffy huffed.

“Oh Spike!” the woman moaned again. “Oh baby. So good!”

“Ugh,” Buffy said. Slamming her head into her pillow.

“You know,” Faith began. Then trailed off.

“What?” Buffy asked.

“About that problem we’ve been having,” Faith said.

“Yeah,” Buffy said. Unsure of where Faith was going with this.

“I mean…the solution is staring us right in the face B,” Faith said. “Talk about killing two birds with one dick.”

“Faith Theresa Lehane!” Buffy said. Sounding as scandalized as she looked.

“What?” Faith said. “It’s not like either of us haven’t been with a man before.”

“That was…” Buffy began. “That was different. That was before…”

“Before us,” she said. Now, she reached out and touched Faith’s hand.

“I mean, would you even want to?” Buffy asked. “You know.”
Faith considered it.

“I mean,” the brunette said. “I can certainly see why some women would find him hot.”

“Some women?” Buffy asked. Skeptically. Withdrawing her hand. “Am I lying in bed with ‘some women’ right now?”

“Do you find him hot?” Faith asked. “I mean… would you have? Before us?”

“Faith,” Buffy said. Her tone one of plain annoyance. Her voice rising and falling in a sing-song manner.

“Come on B,” Faith said. “It’s okay. I can take it. I’m a big girl.”

“I mean,” Buffy said. “The bleach-blond hair. Leather jacket. British accent. Kind of sallow, but in a hot way.”

“That sounds like a ‘yes’,” Faith noted. Shrewdly.

“Would you have?” Buffy asked. Eager to put her girlfriend on the defensive. “Before us, I mean.”

Now, Faith contemplated it.

“I could see it,” Faith said.

“So, we both would have,” Buffy summarised. “Before us. I still don’t see the point.”

“I think you do,” Faith said. Giving her girlfriend a knowing look.

“I can’t believe we’re actually talking about this,” Buffy blurted out.

“Why not?” Faith said.

“Faith!” Buffy said. “The reasons for why not could fill an entire library.”

“Come on B,” Faith said. “Let’s have a little fun. You and me. Together.”

“Do you think he’ll go for it?” Buffy asked.

Faith snorted. She had to restrain herself from laughing uproariously.

“Are you kidding me, babe?” Faith asked. “Does the Pope shit in the woods?”

“Okay, stupid question,” Buffy admitted. “But like… won’t you get jealous?”

Now, Faith smiled.

“Won’t you?” she asked her girlfriend.

“I…I would,” Buffy admitted. Softly.

Faith paused.

“Me too,” Faith said. Finally. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t at least discuss it.”

“Hypothetically you mean?” Buffy asked. Emphatically.

“Purely,” Faith said.

The women moved closer together now. And began discussing, in low voices, discussing in earnest just how such a tryst between the three of them could occur.

Purely hypothetically, of course.

Three months ago...

“So,” Renee said. Surveying the two women on her couch. “How have my favourite girls been doing?”

“Fine,” Buffy said. In a chipper voice. “You know, things are fine. They’re good.”

Faith shrugged her shoulders.

“Peachy,” she said.

As their therapist, Renee could tell when the women clearly had something on their minds.

“So, about that problem we talked about last time?” Renee asked.

Buffy shifted uncomfortably.

“We talked to our insurance company,” Buffy said. “They won’t cover the IVF bill.”

“It’s gonna cost us at least 15 grand” Faith said. “More likely 25 grand. Money we just don’t have right now. Not with both our student loans to pay off.”

“Not until my asshole dad dies anyway,” Buffy quipped.

“He can’t last much longer, can he?” Faith asked.

“Go diabetes!” Buffy joked.

“Did you guys decide which of you….” Renee began.

“That would be me,” Buffy said. Raising her hand. “I love babies.”

“Me too,” Faith said. “But I think the mom gene skipped a couple of generations in my family.”

“Hmmmm,” Renee said. “Anything else?”

Now, it was Faith’s turn to shift in her seat.

“Lately,” Faith admitted. “I mean its no biggie really. It’s just… I’ve been having a bit of a problem…”

The brunette trailed off.

“You know,” she added. Shrugging. “In the bedroom.”

Renee now looked at Buffy.

“I’m trying,” Buffy said. Defensively. “I mean, I don’t know what else I can do.”

“I don’t know,” Faith said. “It’s just never been a problem for us before, babe. Me not being able to cum.”

“You mean, me not being able to make you cum,” Buffy responded. Snippily.

“I’m not saying it’s your fault,” Faith said. Soothingly. “At all.”

“So, what are you saying exactly?” Buffy asked.

“I’m saying….” Faith began. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m saying. Sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologise,” Renee said. Placatingly. “How long have you guys been together?”

“Years,” Buffy said. “We were friends first though.”

“We actually met in high school,” Faith said. “Then hooked up in college.”

Buffy scoffed.

“Hooked up?” she said. Frowning heavily.

“We’ve been going steady since college,” Faith said. Rolling her eyes. “Happy?”

Buffy crossed her arms over herself and threw one leg over the other.

Which, Faith knew, meant she was pissed.

Renee bent her head. To scribble a few notes in her little book.

“Have you guys heard of the seven-year itch?” Renee asked.

“Yeah,” Buffy said. Faith nodded.

“Things cool down after a period,” Renee said. “It’s only natural.”

“So, what, then?” Buffy asked.

Renee considered it.

“Maybe you guys could try spicing things up,” she said.

“Like nipple clamps?” Buffy asked. Scrunching her her nose in distaste. “Those look like they really hurt. And I haven’t been spanked since I was five.”

Now, Faith rolled her eyes.

“See what I’m dealing with?” the brunette asked. Only half in jest.

“Sorry,” Buffy muttered. The women reached out and interlocked hands.
Renee considered it.

“I assume you’ve been masturbating regularly?” she asked Faith.

“Sometimes,” the brunette said.

“Any go-to fantasies?” Renee asked.

Faith hesitated.

“It’s okay Faith,” Renee said. “This is a safe space. Right, Buffy?”

“Right,” Buffy said. “Completely safe. It’s why we’re here, babe.”

“I… I have this one fantasy,” Faith began. Treading carefully.

Buffy gave her girlfriend a ‘spit it out’ look. Faith took a deep breath.

“Of bringing a third person into the bedroom,” Faith said. She paused. Then decided to let it out.

“Oh,” Buffy said. She took a beat. “Well, I mean it’s not that unusual, right?”

“It’s a pretty common fantasy,” Renee agreed. “For singles and couples both.”

“A man, actually,” Faith blurted out. Bringing the flow of conversation to a grinding halt.

“Oh,” Buffy said. She blinked. Then blinked again. Faith could see her girlfriend trying to absorb that particular nugget of information. And failing.

“Okay. Wow. That’s…” Buffy began. Exhaling. “That’s a doozy.”

Faith now looked at Renee.

“Go on,” Renee said. Adopting what she hoped was the pose of a professional therapist.

“I mean it’s just a fantasy,” Faith said. Quickly. “And, in it, you know it’s the both of us. Sharing. Not just me.”

“Okay,” Buffy said. “I just…”

The blonde shook her head a little.

“I’m a little….a little shocked actually,” Buffy admitted.

“Why?” Faith asked. “I mean, we both dated guys in high school, B. Almost the same guy once.”

“That was before,” Buffy said. Heatedly. “Before… us.”

“I’m not saying I’m straight or anything,” Faith said.

“Just that you might be a little Bi?” Buffy asked.

“I don’t know,” Faith said. “Honestly, I don’t know, B.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Buffy said.

“Would it be something you’d be open to?” Renee asked Buffy. “Bringing a third person… a man… into the bedroom. For Faith?

“I mean…” Buffy began.

“It’s totally fine if you wouldn’t,” Faith said. Quickly. “Like I said. It’s just a fantasy B.”

“I mean, I kinda always knew I was gay,” Buffy told Renee. “I just couldn’t be, ya know. Not in the small town we grew up in.”

Renee nodded. Sympathetically.

“Me dating a bunch of terrible men was just like the last nail in the coffin,” Buffy said.

“Were you ever been attracted to a man?” Renee asked. “Before, I mean?”

“I think so,” Buffy said. “Or maybe I was just convincing myself that I was. I’m not honestly sure.”

“Hmmmm,” Renee said. Thoughtfully.

“So you’re saying….” Faith began. Carefully.

“I’m saying….” Buffy said. “We need to talk about it. A lot.”

Faith groaned. But was wise to keep it inward.

“Absolutely,” Renee said. “You two need to discuss it. And if I might offer one piece of advice?”

“Yeah?” Faith said.

“Don’t hold back,” Renee said. “Put all your cards on the table.”

Later that night…

“Jason Mamoa?” Faith asked.

“Nope,” Buffy said. “Too burly.”

“Kit Harrington?”

“Nope,” Buffy said. “Too tiny.”

“Brad Pitt?” Faith asked.

“I guess I wouldn’t kick Brad Pitt out of bed,” Buffy said. “Do you want me to slider into his DMs and check if he available for threesomes, honey?

“Funny,” Faith said.

“I thought so,” Buffy said. Smiling.

“Look B,” Faith began. “I don’t want you to pressure you into doing anything you’re not comfortable with. Okay?”

“I know,” Buffy said. Softly. “Lemme just… lemme just think about it, okay?”

“No pressure babe,” Faith said.

Later that night, both women were lying in bed. Buffy was reading. While Faith was listening to music.

“You know what might help?” Buffy asked. Suddenly.

“What?” Faith asked. Taking out her earphones.

“Telling me more about your fantasy,” Buffy said. “That might help.”

“Are you sure?” Faith asked.

“It’s just a fantasy, right?” Buffy asked.

“Yeah,” Faith said. “Just a harmless fantasy?”

“Go for it,” Buffy said.

“It begins with you and me dancing,” Faith said. “At a nightclub.”

“Sexy,” Buffy said. In a teasing tone.

“Do you wanna hear this or not?” Faith objected.

Buffy threw up her hands in apology.

“So,” Faith began. “We’re dancing. You and me. And then…”

“And then?” Buffy asks.

“This guy comes out of nowhere,” Faith says. “He asks us if he wanna dance.”

“What does he look like?” Buffy said. “Your dream man? The guy who makes your knees tremble?”

Now, Faith scowled.

“Sorry babe,” Buffy said. Bashfully. “Go on.”

“Tall, dark and mysterious,” Faith said.

“Nice,” Buffy said. Sarcastically.

“So, we dance with him,” Buffy said.

“Yeah,” Faith said. “Both of us.”

“And then?” Buffy asked.

“We invite him back to our place,” Faith said. “More dancing. Tequila shots.”

“And then? Buffy asked.

“You know,” Faith said.

“That’s pretty lame,” Buffy said. “I’m kinda disappointed honestly.”

Faith took in a little breath.

“We offer him a choice,” Faith said.

“A choice?” Buffy asked. Looking at her girlfriend askew.

“Which one of us he wants to sleep with,” Faith added.

Now, Buffy’s eyebrows raised.

“Uh-huh,” she said. Now, they furrowed. “But I thought…”

“Just listen!” Faith said. Heatedly.

“Okay, okay,” Buffy said. “So, we offer him a choice.”

“And he chooses you,” Faith said.

“Oh,” Buffy said. Suddenly, the mood between them had changed. From light and
playful to tense.

“So in this scenario you….” Buffy began.

“I watch,” Faith said. “You and him.”

Buffy said nothing. Just considered it.

“Okay,” Buffy said. “And is that something you…”

“Yeah,” Faith said. Licking her lips.

Buffy managed to blush. Adorably so, in Faith’s opinion.

“And after?” Buffy asked.

“Me and him,” Faith said. “If you give me the thumbs-up.”

“Oh, so it’s my decision, is it?” Buffy asked. Appraisingly.

“Yeah,” Faith said.

“And do I?” Buffy asked. A challenge in her eyes.

“Duh,” Faith said. “It’s my fantasy, babe.”

“Right,” Buffy said. Seemingly in deep consideration. “Right.”
“So?” Faith said. Trying to keep the excitement out of her voice.

Buffy nibbled on her lower lip.

“Lemme sleep on it,” she said.

“Okay,” Faith said. “Goodnight love.”

“Night,” Buffy said.

Turning to her side, Buffy shut her eyes and hugged her pillow tight. Only then did she realized that her entire body felt flushed.

Oh, Buffy thought. Her eyes opening. Oh my god.

A couple of hours later, Spike heard the main door slam shut.

Huh, he thought. Back already?

It was barely after midnight.

He heard two dainty knocks on his door. Heard it creak open slightly. Then the sweet sound of the blonde’s voice wafting through.

“We have pizza,” Buffy said. Perkily. “Wanna share?”

No thanks, he almost said. But then he realized he was starving.

“Sure,” he said. “I’ll be out in a bit, yeah?”

“Cool,” Buffy said.

Spike put the guitar down. Then, putting on a T-shirt, joined them in the living room.

The women, still in their fancy outfits, were on the couch. Absolutely demolishing the pizza. It was one of the sexiest things Spike had ever seen. Somehow, he managed to tear his eyes away from them.

“What movie?” Spike asked. Picking up a slice.

“Wild Things,” Buffy said. Her eyes glued to the screen.

“Never seen it,” Spike says. “What’s it about?”

Buffy’s jaw dropped.

“What?” she said. Horrified. “This is like the greatest movie ever!”

“B,” Faith said. Rolling her eyes.

“Guess I’m not much of a movie fan,” Spike said.
Shrugging. “Sorry.”

“You should be!” Buffy said. Glaring at him.

“Don’t mind her,” Faith said. “Her mother dropped her on her head when she was a baby.”

“How dare you!” Buffy replied. Indignantly. She pounced on Faith. Trying to tear a pizza slice out of the brunette’s hands.

Spike found himself looking away as the women playfully wrestled.

Christ help me. Spike thought.

“You know, I think I should head back to…”

“Oh, come on,” Faith said. “You mean you have something better to do on a Saturday night than watch a crappy movie with us?”

“Yeah,” Buffy said. “Do ya punk?”

“Hey!” Buffy added. When she realised what her girlfriend said. Faith threw her hands up in apology.

“Fine, fine,” Spike said. Not wanting to give offence. He plopped down on the beanie bag. Heavily. Folding his arms. “I’m in.”

“Damn straight,” Buffy said.

By now, a courtroom scene was playing. Denise Richards was testifying on the stand. Weeping profusely.

“The bloke’s guilty as sin,” Spike muttered. His feelings, in no small matter, no doubt influenced by the gorgeous blonde on screen. “Poor bint.”

“Shhhhhh!!!!” Buffy hissed

“Sorry,” Spike whispered.

Only for Faith to make a ‘she’s nuts’ gesture behind Buffy’s head.

Twenty minutes later, Spike found himself bored out of his mind.

He looked up from his phone. To see Matt Dillon is checking into his room on screen. He subtly checked out both women. They were both watching the screen. Completely engrossed in the action.

Christ, they’re both so damn sexy, he thought. What a bleedin’ shame.

“Oi,” he cried out. When Denise Richards suddenly popped up on the large TV screen. Menacingly.

“So, you got my mom’s money?” she asked. Stepping forward threateningly.

“How much?” she asked again. “How much?”

“You know how much,” Dillon said.

“Your turn to pay,” Richards said.

“Mate,” Spike says. Shaking his head. “Run. You best…”

When Denise Richards whipped off the cover to reveal a bottle of champagne, Spike’s eyes nearly popped out of his head.

“No,” Spike said.

He looked at Buffy. Who gave him the ‘I know, right?’ look.

Spike let out a little laugh.

“Fuckin’ hell.” he said.

Snickering when Richards and Dillon began passionately making out.

“So how much is 8.5 million divided by three?” Neve Campbell asked.

“Wow,” Spike said. Shaking his head. Letting out a whistle. “Jesus.”

Spike, staring at the screen, entirely missed the meaningful look the women shot each other.

“Well, we’re here aren’t we?” Dillon said.

Undoing Denise Richard’s top, the lucky bloke began fondling her tits through her bra.

“Lucky sod,” Spike muttered.

“Tell me about it,” Faith said. Wistfully.

Only for Buffy to slap her girlfriend on the arm.

Spike found his assessment even more valid a moment later. When the lucky sod in question, his hands still filled with the blonde’s breasts, kissed those luscious lips.

“Gentlepersons prefer blondes,” Buffy said. “Which is why we get to have all the fun. Right, Spike?”

“Right you are pet,” he said. Chuckling and giving Buffy a
wink.

“Not all the fun,” Faith said. The teasing lilt giving her husky voice an even sexier quality. At the very moment the lucky sod in question turned to Campbell. And began snogging her as well. “As you can very well see.”

And as arguably the hottest threesome in film history began unfolding before Spike’s eyes – it hit him.

A gorgeous blonde. A bombshell brunette. And one extremely lucky bloke: Hooking up.

Then the thought that he had consigned to the back of his mind for the past few days – except in the darkness of night in his room – settled squarely at the forefront of his mind.

Was a threesome with Buffy and Faith on the menu tonight?

Suddenly, everything snapped into hyper-focus. The sound of his own breathing. The dryness of his mouth. The heaviness of his limbs.

The ache in his groin. The tingling in his balls. Most of all, the two bloody gorgeous women on the couch. Watching him.

Spike could feel their eyes on him. Their interest in him. It was so palpable, that he could practically taste it.

Come off it mate, Spike thought. They’re bloody gay. Prolly just messin’ with ya, ya wanker.

Still, Spike didn’t move a muscle. He barely even blinked. Or breathed. He just sat there. Stiff as a board. In more ways than one.

“Pretty hot, right?” Faith asked. Her tone was exceedingly casual, but with the slightest hint of tension. Shooting a playful look at her girlfriend.

Play it cool mate, Spike thought. You cold as ice.

“Yeah,” Spike said. His voice, despite his best efforts, sounding slightly strained to his own ears.

“If you like happen to that sort of thing,” he added. Dismissively. Chuckling as if he’d made some joke.

“Do you?” Buffy asked. Playfully. “Like that sort of thing?”

Christ, Spike thought. They really are fucking with me.

“As much as any other red-blooded bloke,” Spike said.
Casually shrugging his shoulders.

His outwardly calm in sharp contrast to his inner turmoil. His eyes still glued on the screen.

Onscreen, the trio had moved to the bed. The lucky sod was, at this very moment, licking champagne off Richard’s tits. Lucky sod, he thought again.

“So that would be a yes?” Buffy enquired. With an adorable little giggle.

A moment passed. Spike blinked. As the screen faded to black. Leaving the rest of what happened that night to the viewers’ imagination.

“Yeah,” Spike said. “I mean, which bloke wouldn’t, right? Two gorgeous women and all that.”

A moment passed.

“Right,” Buffy said.

“Right,” Faith said.

Suddenly, the pair dissolved into fit of giggles.

Finding himself at a distinct disadvantage, and not liking the feeling one bit, Spike decided to go on the offensive.

In a careful and as casual a manner as possible, he turned his face to look at them. Training his baby blue eyes on both lovely ladies, he spoke slowly. And carefully.

“Sadly,’ve never had the pleasure,” Spike said. Affecting a pregnant pause. For maximum effect.

“Yet,” he added. Smirking his patented Spike™ smirk.

When the two lovely ladies in question turned their heads to each other, Spike knew he’d won at least a momentary victory.

Nicely done mate, he told himself. Nicely done.

“Well, colour me surprised,” Faith said. To Buffy.

“I know!” Buffy said. To Faith.

When Buffy looked back at him, he could see her eyes gleaming with amusement.

“Figured a stud such as yourself would have had ample opportunity,” the blonde said. Affecting a ditzy southern accent that somehow made her even more desirable.

“If only,” Spike said. Wistfully.

“Now, I know men always say that,” Faith said. “Like. I get it. Two ladies, ya know? Preaching to the choir here. But…”

Spike said nothing. Just raised an enquiring brow. By now, the movie was entirely forgotten.

“But I bet half would run screaming for the hills if the opportunity ever presented itself,” Faith added.

“More than half,” Buffy said. Pointedly. “Too much pressure, ya know? Satisfying two women.”

“Way too much pressure,” Faith added. Agreeably. “I mean, most guys can’t even satisfy one. Right?”

“Right,” Buffy said. Giggling.

“But I think he could handle it,” Faith told Buffy.
Conversationally. Turning her entire body to face her lover.

“You think so?” Buffy asked. Skeptically. Turning her entire body to face her lover.

“I dunno,” Faith said. Shrugging. “Maybe.”

Giving her lover a sly little smile.

“Maybe,” Buffy said. Spike could see a little smile tugging at the corners of Buffy’s mouth as well.

For the past minute, Spike had done naught but hold his tongue. Watched the conversation flow between the two women. Waiting. Biding his time. His thoughts growing ever more feverish.

Careful not to push it mate, Spike told himself. Just let it happen.

Both women turned their bodies to face him now.

“You think you could handle it, Spike?” Faith asked. Fixing him with a sultry stare.

“Satisfying two women?” Buffy said.

Christ, Spike thought. This is really happening. Steady on, Will. Steady on.

“Two women …” Spike repeated. Lips curling into a little smile. “Such as yourselves?”

The women, almost in unison, raised their brows.

“Purely hypothetically of course,” Spike added.

Eager to take the pressure off them. Keep things light and fun.

“Purely,” Buffy said.

“Of course,” Faith added.

“Well,” Spike said. Considering his words carefully. “Speaking purely hypothetically.….”

With great care, he twisted his body sideways to face them. Then leaned back and spread himself out on the beanbag. Making himself as large and physically imposing as possible. As he allowed his words to trail off. Suggestively.

When he had their undivided attention, he suggestively hooked both fingers in his jeans. Drawing both lovely ladies’ eyes to his crotch.

“I wager I’d… more than rise to the occasion,” Spike said. Then offered up his best panty-soaking smile.

Buffy blushed. But Faith only leaned forward. Her dark eyes gleaming.

“Yeah?” Faith said. “And how would little scenario that play out?”

Spike turned his face away from them. Staring off into the distance, he contorted his face into a contemplative expression. Then let out a little laugh and shook his head. As if to say ‘no way.’

“Come on,” Faith said.

“Humour us,” Buffy added.

“All right,” Spike said. “Since you insist…”

When he turned to look at them again his expression was amused. The corners of his lips were turned up. But his eyes were deadly serious. His mouth was slightly parted to reveal gleaming white teeth. Like a predator.

“The three of us,” Spike said. His low, gravelly voice barely more than a whisper. “Would party till the sun comes up.”

“A right wicked party, yeah?” Spike added. Flashing a
wicked grin to match. “Wet. Wild.”

“I mean, a real right and proper tumble,” he said. Slowly.
Paused to let the women picture all that entailed. Letting their imaginations run wild. “The three of us.”

“All. Bloody. Night,” he added. For emphasis.

He saw Buffy bite her lip. Her cheeks turning a lovely shade of red. Faith’s lips had parted slightly. And her little tongue was flickering out.

“And come morning,” Spike said. His tone growing boastful. “I’d leave the pair of you right bloody knackered. And smiling ear to bloody ear.”

Spike knew he needed one final flourish. He curled his upper lip in a well-practiced manner he knew women of all stripes found utterly irresistible.

“And that’s a guaran-goddamn-tee,” Spike concluded.

Then, time stood still. No one spoke. For what seemed like an eon.

Spike just watched them. And Buffy and Faith sat there. Watching him. Spike could feel the tension in the room between the three of them. It built. And build. And build. As if his words alone had cast some dark spell.

“Well,” Faith said. Finally. Sounding slightly breathless. “That does sound like one hell of a party. Right B?”

“Right,” Buffy said.

Yes, Spike thought. When the women snuck a glance at each other. As if to gauge each other’s interest such an encounter. He could see it in their eyes. Read it on their faces. This was really going to happen. Him and Buffy and Faith.

Holy shit, Spike thought.

It was as if his words and will alone were manifesting the possibility of such an encounter into being. The words were on the tip of Spike’s tongue. In the forefront of his mind. Well, shall we?

“Maybe you’ll be lucky enough to get an invite,” Faith said. Looking squarely at him now. Her eyes teasing. “Someday.”

“Someday,” Buffy added. “Maybe.”

Right, Spike thought. Looks like you’re going to have to make the proposition mate. Time to lay out yer cards, yeah?

“Maybe…tonight?” Spike enquired. Flashing a wolfish smile. Tongue firmly embedded in his cheek.

Spike knew this was the moment. Everything was riding on this. Make or break. Heaven or hell. Right or wrong. The women looked at each other again. Spike saw their eyes meet and hold. Saw them silently debate it. And then reach an agreement. And then they looked back at him.

“You wish,” Buffy huffed.

“What she said,” Faith added. Grinning.

Spike forced a smile on his face despite the bitter taste of disappointment in his mouth.

“Frequently,” he quipped. As if it was no skin off his back. He turned around and took a breath.

Shite, Spike thought. Well, it was worth a bloody try.
A few moments of silence passed.

“Well, I’m right about dying to take a piss,” Spike said. Getting to his feet. “Be right back, yeah?”

“Sure,” Buffy and Faith said. Together. But both women’s eyes were glued firmly to the screen now. As if he simply didn’t merit their attention.

Fuck, Spike thought. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck…

And with that, he stalked off towards the bathroom. Never looking back. Once safely inside and the door securely latched, Spike let out the deep breath he’d been holding.

“Christ,” Spike said. Shaking his head. “What the bloody hell was that?”

He looked in the mirror. Found himself looking dazed and confused.

“What the bloody hell was that?” he asked himself. Again. And received no answer.

Had he misconstrued the signals?

Spike asked himself that question myriad times as he replayed the events of the last few minutes in his head.

Surely not, he thought.

He’d been so sure where things were going. It all seemed so perfect. So inevitable.

Him and Buffy and Faith. Hooking up.

He could practically see it. Smell it. Taste it.

And then… nothing. Not a damn thing.

Somehow, he’d let the opportunity of a lifetime slip clean through his fingers.

“Dammit,” Spike growled. He felt breaking something. Anything.

And then it hit him. They’d been messing with him. All along. The pizza. The movie. Clearly, they were just having a bit of fun. And here he was, getting all worked up.

“Christ,” Spike muttered. Looking at himself in the mirror. “They were messing with you, ya right wanker. And you thought…”

Bloody dolt, he thought.

Snickering at his own foolishness.

But then the thought hit him again: Him and Buffy and Faith. Hooking up.

It was a thought he couldn’t get out of his damn mind. And he had to get back out there. And fairly soon. If he wanted them to not think he was a bigger weirdo than they probably already did.

“Jesus,” Spike muttered. He splashed some cold water on his face. “Get it together mate.”

The cold water didn’t help a bit. Spike looked down. Then looked at the door. Which was securely locked. Then looked down again.

Spike’s head dropped. In defeat. He knew what he had to do.

When Spike finally emerged from the bathroom, the first thing he saw was the clock in the hallway. He’d been in there for nearly a half an hour.

Christ, he thought. Lost track of the time.

Now, he found himself torn between his choices:
A: Return to his seat and pretend as if nothing happened?
B: Maybe make a joke or two about it?
C: Or bid them a quick goodnight while beating a hasty retreat for his room? And perhaps another round of taking care of businesses.

Regardless of whatever option he chose, Spike would pass through the living room. Where they were seated. He knew he had to make a choice. So he did.

I’ll take my lumps like a man, Spike thought. Bring on the pain.

“Right,” Spike said. Stepping into the living room. “Now where were…”

The living room was empty. The telly was off. The beer
bottles empty. Pizza boxes askew.

“Huh,” Spike said. He expected to feel relieved, but only felt disappointed. He let out an exhale and shook his head.

Well, I guess that’s that, he thought.

But even as he stepped towards his bedroom, his eyes couldn’t help being drawn towards the master bedroom. Buffy and Faith’s room. The door of which was slightly ajar.

It stopped Spike dead in his tracks. He stared at the creamy, white door. And the soft, golden glow emanating from inside. Warm. Inviting. Beckoning him closer. Like a Siren’s Song.

Just gonna close it, Spike told himself. With every step. Not gonna look. Not gonna peek.

Now, he was right by the door. Spike found his spirit willing but his flesh weak.

He reached for the handle, then began craning his head to sneak a peek.

Think of what your mum would say, Spike thought. That thought froze him in his tracks.

How proud she’d be of her William. Ya right bloody wanker.

Spike scoffed. Shaking his head.

What was he bloody thinking?

But before he could pull the door shut, heard the sound of a hushed conversation. Buffy and Faith were talking. Their voices low and soft.

Suddenly, Spike felt like a major creep. It didn’t help that he was standing right outside their bedroom. Their door knob in his hand. Trying to eavesdrop on them.

He loudly cleared his throat and rapped on the door with his knuckles.

“Hey,” Spike said. As loudly as he could without shouting.
“I’m turning in. Just wanted to say night.”

“And thanks. For the movie and the pizza, yeah?” Spike added.

He heard the bedsprings creak. The hushed conversation continued for a moment. Then ceased entirely. A moment later, the sound of Faith’s sultry voice came wafting through the open door.

“Could you come in for a sec?” Faith asked. “Buffy and I… need to ask you something.”

Spike blinked. And then the thought hit him again: Him. Buffy and Faith. Hooking up.

Stop it ya wanker, Spike thought. Come off it.

“Spike?” he heard Buffy ask. After a moment. She sounded amused. “Are you there?”

And then he thought he heard two stifled giggles.

Christ, Spike thought. Say something, ya wanker. Anything. Just say it.

“Yeah,” Spike said. Wincing at the word he’d chosen. Smooth. Real smooth.

Quickly, he searched for a better riposte. And said the first thing that came into his head.

“You both decent right?” Spike asked. Wincing a moment later at how creepy he sounded. He chuckled as loudly as he could. As if to underline that he was only joking.

“Why don’t you come in and find out,” he heard Buffy say. Playfully.

“If you dare,” Faith added. Equally playfully.

Again, he heard two barely stifled giggles.

Right, Spike thought. Right

Now, pushing the door firmly open, he stepped forward and into the door frame.

The sight of them froze him in his tracks.

Buffy and Faith were on the bed. Faces perfectly painted. Hair glossy and styled. Bodies shiny and smooth. In jaw-dropping, breath-stealing, heart-skipping babydoll outfits.

Faith’s outfit was a deep, dark blue. Buffy’s was shiny lavender. Both were sheer and satin. Spike’s eyes nearly popped out of his head.

His heart skipped a beat. His senses nearly short-circuited. His cock, which had been so recently – not to mention mercilessly wrung – sprang back to life instantly.

“Hey baby,” Faith said. The brunette, who was sitting on the edge of the bed, leaned back. Arching her back to draw his attention to her gorgeous breasts.

She put her left hand on her head, then gave her glossy mane a bit of a tussle with her delicate fingers.

“Where did you run off to?” she enquired.

The other she placed on a succulent thigh. Which she stroked invitingly. Emphasizing the point by slightly kicking her long, shiny legs that went all the way to the floor. At the end of which dangled six-inch high heels.

Jesus, Spike thought. Jesus fuckin’ Christ

He didn’t know where to look first. So, he stared at Faith’s tits.

While the existence of her spectacular rack wasn’t exactly a newsflash – he’d have to be blind, deaf and dumb to notice – it was like he was seeing them with fresh eyes. They looked sensational at the minute. High. Firm. Ripe. And best of all, real.

“I….” Spike began. Licking his lips, he wondered if he was drooling. Much to his frustration, the outfit did a masterful job of hiding nearly as much as it revealed.

“Took you long enough,” Buffy said. The arousal in her voice and smile playing across her lovely face belying any indications of annoyance.

The blonde was sitting right next to the brunette. Buffy placed her right foot on the ground and planted her left knee on the bed. Then, she stood.

Holy shit, Spike thought. As he took her in.

Buffy Anne Summers. A vision. A golden goddess. Standing there. Her head crooked slightly to the left. Her gorgeous mane waterfalling down her shoulders. A little smile playing upon her gorgeous face. A knowing look in her eyes.

“So, which outfit do you prefer?” Buffy asked. “Mine. Or Faith’s?”

“What?” Spike asked.

He stared at Buffy’s outfit. To his eyes, it looked exactly like Faith’s. Just in a different colour.

Meanwhile, the damned thing was thwarting his eyes’ attempts at surveying Buffy’s golden body.

The hemline of this one though, was even shorter than Faith’s. Cutting off barely two inches below Buffy’s panty line.

If she was even wearing any, Spike thought. He wagered she wasn’t. And neither was Faith.

Meanwhile, the little blonde had buttoned her inquiry by placing her right hand on her hip. Confidently. Challengingly.

“I…” Spike began. Looking from woman to woman. Buffy to Faith. Faith to Buffy. Not knowing what to say. Where to begin.

“I think he needs a little demonstration,” Faith said. Shooting her girlfriend a playful look.

“I think you’re right,” Buffy said. Then, turning her body right, raised her right hand to her hair and stuck her bottom out.

“How about now?” Buffy asked. Reaching down with her index and middle finger, achingly slowly, she pulled back the hem of her little outfit. Putting on show even more of her shiny, succulent thighs.

When Spike didn’t reply, Buffy put on a playful pout.

“You know it isn’t polite to keep a lady waiting,” the blonde added. Playing with her hair a little, she sucked her cheeks in. And formed the sexiest duck lips any man had ever borne witness to.

“Much less two,” Faith remarked. Rising to her feet now, the brunette turned her body slightly to the right as well.

Then, slinging her right hand around Buffy’s waist, sidled up to her girlfriend. The brunette now placed her left hand on her waist.

As if to say ‘what do you think big boy?’

For the first time, Spike’s ears picked up the strings of soft music playing the background.

He cleared his throat before speaking.

“I… have to pick one?” Spike asked. Voice hoarse with desire.

“Only one,” Faith said.

“That’s the rules of the game,” Buffy said.

Spike’s ears perked up at that. So, they wanted to play a game, did they?

“So, is there some sort of prize?” Spike asked. “For picking.”

Flashing them a rakish, roguish smile.

“I dunno,” Buffy said. The blonde playfully shrugging, then turned her head slightly to look at the brunette.

“Whaddya think, Faithey?”

“I’m sure we could…” Faith began. Looking him up and down, the brunette twirled her locks. “Work something out.”

“Is that so?” Spike asked. Challengingly. Eyeing both women confidently now, he stepped forward.

“Mmmmhmmmm,” Buffy said. Eyeing Spike approvingly as well.

“Mind if I take a closer look?” Spike asked. Already, he was stepping forward. Eagerly.

“Not at all,” Faith said.

“Knock yourself out,” Buffy added.

Now, Spike found himself right in front of them. When he reached out for them, he found the women slapping his hands away.

“Look,” Faith said.

“But don’t touch,” Buffy added.

When Spike let out a frustrated growl, the women giggled.

“We’re waiting,” Buffy said. In a sing-song manner.

Spike looked from woman to woman. Running his eyes up and down their bodies. He pursed his lips and inhaled deeply.
The women exchanged a look.

“How about we offer him an incentive?” Faith asked.
Shooting Buffy a knowing look.

“Uh-huh,” Buffy said. Looking him up and down.

“Pick Buffy’s dress,” Faith said. Putting her chin on
Buffy’s shoulder. “And you can take mine off.”

Spike looked at the blonde. For confirmation.

“Pick Faith’s dress,” Buffy added. “And you can take mine off.”

Spike looked at the brunette. For confirmation. Who nodded.

Spike didn’t know what to say. Looking from woman to woman. Who were gazing at him challengingly.

“Winner gets bragging rights,” Buffy added. Giving Faith a playful look.

“Loser gets to party,” Faith finished. Giving Buffy a wicked wink.

“Win-win,” both women said. Giggling as they embraced.

Spike stood there. Contemplating the question. Buffy or Faith? Faith or Buffy? It was a vexatious choice. Both women were impossible gorgeous. And giving him bedroom eyes.

“I…” Spike began.

“And before you say anything,” the blonde said. “You can only choose one.”

“That ‘I wish for a million wishes crap’ ain’t gonna fly here,” Faith chimed in.

“Okay,” Spike said. Thinking out loud. “Let’s say I…for the sake of argument….”

He looked from woman to woman.

“Pick one of you,” he concluded. “What about the other? Do you leave the room? Or hang around and see how things go.”
The women exchanged another look.

“Ve ville ask ze questions,” Buffy said. In an adorable German accent that made Faith giggle.

“Come on,” Spike said. Finding himself ready to tear his hair out. “You gotta gimme something.”

“Oh we’re trying,” Faith said. Suggestively. “But you’re
not exactly giving us much to work with here.”

“I…” Spike began. “I can’t.”

Both women looked disappointed now.

“He didn’t answer the question,” Faith said. Placing her head on Buffy’s shoulder.

“He didn’t,” Buffy said. Looking back at Faith. She turned her face to look at Spike. Her eyes glittered with amusement. “How disappointing.”

“We could still wanna invite him to play,” Faith said. Thoughtfully. “You wanna?”

Yes, Spike. Please. God. Please.

“I dunno,” Buffy shrugged. “What do you think, Fae?”

“I…..” Spike began. Eager to make his case for an invite.
But Faith silenced him with a finger on her lips. The look in her eyes was clear: You have one shot at this. Don’t
fuck it up.

Faith put her lips at Buffy’s ear. The blonde turned her face to the brunette. Spike heard them whisper back and forth. Watched their lovely lips move.

Saw them exchange little head nods as they finally seemed to arrive at a decision. Then they both turned to him. And stared at him.

Spike put his hands on his hips. As if to say: Well? What’s it gonna be?

Buffy raised her right hand. And Faith her left. Spike saw both women gently touch their fingers to their lips, then lowered their palms in his direction. Then, puckering their lovely lips, Buffy and Faith blew Spike a sensual kiss.

Holy shit, Spike thought.

When Spike remained affixed to the spot, Buffy and Faith exchanged a playful little look. Then in unison, crooked their fingers at him and beckoned him closer.

Holy. Fucking. Shit, Spike thought.

Spike didn’t know what to say. Or do. A part of himself still couldn’t conceive that this was happening.
Especially after what had transpired earlier this evening.

“If this is some sort of sick, twisted joke…” Spike began.
His eyes narrowing. Voice deadly serious.

“It’s not,” Buffy said. Eyes gleaming with amusement. Lips twitching.

Shooting a look at Faith that made them both giggle. Again.

“It’s not,” Faith agreed.

“And earlier?” Spike asked.

“A test,” Faith said.

“You passed,” Buffy said. “But only barely.”

“Barely,” Faith added.

Both women giggled again.

“But aren’t you two” Spike said. Frowning. “Ya know?”

“We are,” Buffy said. Nodding.

“Aren’t we?” she asked Faith. Teasingly.

“Last time I checked,” Faith said. The women tittered.

“So, what’s this then?” Spike asked. Carefully.

“A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity,” Faith said.

“For you,” Buffy said. Pointedly.

Spike shook his head.

“I mean, what’s in it for you two?” he asked. “Why me?”

Buffy and Faith exchanged a look. As agreed, if Spike asked what they wanted they’d answer truthfully.

“Faith had this fantasy,” Buffy said. “Of the two of us. And a guy.”

Spike let out a low whistle.

“Lucky me then,” he said. Grinning as he made eye contact with Faith.

“You best believe it blondie,” Faith said.

“But that’s not all,” Buffy added. “There is something else. Something you need to know.”

Of course, Spike thought. Always a bloody catch.

“Buffy and I,” Faith began. “Were looking into having a baby.”

That caused Spike’s ears to prick up.

“We didn’t wanna adopt,” Buffy said. “You know? We were looking into donors. With IVF”

“But the treatment,” Faith began. “It costs more than we can afford.”

“Like, way more than we can afford,” Buffy said. “So, we wondering…”

"If you'd consider making a donation," Faith asked. "In person."

Oh Christ, Spike thought.

“So that’s the catch,” Buffy said.

“That’s the price,” Faith said. “If we do this… Buffy needs to get pregnant."

“And you need to sign away your parental rights,” Buffy added.

“Forever,” Faith added.

Oh Christ, Spike thought.

“Jesus,” Spike said. Shaking his head. “I need…I need time to think about this.”

“That’s fair,” Buffy said. “We get that.”

“Totally fair,” Faith added,

“Can I sleep on it?” Spike asked. Hopefully.

“No,” Buffy said.

That took him by surprise.

“No?” he asked. Raising his eyebrows.

“This is a one-time offer only,” Buffy said. “And it’s good till….”

She lifted up her hand and looked at her watch.

Spike looked at the living room clock. It was 12.45 am.

“One hour,” Buffy said. Taking Faith’s hand. And getting to her feet.

“An hour?” Spike said. Finding himself outraged. “Bloody hell! Give a bloke a chance to think about it, yeah?”

“You have an hour,” Faith said.

“I think it’s more than enough time to decide,” Buffy added.

“No pressure blondie,” Faith said. Giving him a wink and a grin.

“Now, wait just a bloody minute,” Spike said. Even as both women stepped forward.

Then, placing their hands on his chest, shoved him out of the room. And slammed the door in his face.

Spike found himself in his room. Alternating between pacing back and forth and lying on the floor holding his head.

Part of him was warning him that a threesome with Buffy and Faith was a mistake. That no good could come of it. Especially given the gravity of what they were asking.

Giving Buffy a baby. Fuck.

But a bigger part of him was absolutely dying to have a go with both women.
Spike knew what he had to do. Bash one out. Again. And then, only once he had achieved post nut clarity, to decide on what he wanted to do.

Back in their room, Buffy and Faith were chilling out. They were listening to their favourite music. The brunette had rolled them both a joint.

“So, watcha think B?” Faith asked.

“I dunno,” Buffy said. Shrugging her shoulders. “Maybe.”

Suddenly, a mischevious look crossed Faith’s face.

“Wanna give him a little incentive?” Faith asked. Wickedly.

“Oh my god!” Buffy gasped. “You’re pure evil!”

“And?” Faith asked.

Ten minutes later, Spike’s phone buzzed. A Snapchat message. From Faith Lehane.

It was a photo of Buffy. The blonde had changed her outfit. She was wearing sexy black lingerie, stockings s and high heels.

The blonde was standing with her back to their bedroom wall. Her right hand was over her head.

Her right leg forming into an L shape. Her left hand reaching down to grab the top piece of her heel.

Her gorgeous face was angled slightly to the left. Letting a few golden strands of hair fall across her perfect cheek.

She was staring into the camera with a sultry look. Her gorgeous green eyes promising to devour him whole.

Fuck me, Spike thought. Finding himself growing impossibly hard.

Spike realized that the photo had an MP3 attached. He clicked it. To find a song he didn’t recognize playing.

I know you like me,
I know you do,
That’s why whenever I come around,
She’s all over you

That was immediately followed by another message. From Buffy this time.

It was a photo of Faith. Also in sexy black lingerie, knee high socks and high heels.

The brunette was also standing with her back to their bedroom wall. Her right hand was also over her head.

Her left hand was on her lower abdomen. Her palm spread out. Her left thumb just barely brushing against the top of her panties.

She was also wearing a sultry look. Her black eyes sparkling with mischief.

This one too had a small MP3 file attached. Again, Spike clicked it. The song continued.

And I know you want it,
It’s easy to see,
And in the back of your mind I know
You should be fuckin’ with me
What the fuck, Spike thought. Grinding his teeth.

Then, Spike received a third message. This one from Faith again. Again, it had an MP3 attached.

The photo had been taken from the foot of the bed. On a timer.

Buffy and Faith were on the bed. In matching sexy black lingerie, stockings and high heels.The women had positioned themselves against the headpost. Resting on two giant pillows that had been propped up behind them.The blonde and brunette were eyeing the camera. Eyeing him. Their smiles as provocative as their eyes.

Spike clicked on it. The song continued.

Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?
Don't cha? Don't cha?

“Jesus,” Spike muttered. Gritting his teeth.

Another picture followed.

This time, of the women snuggling against each other. Mid-laugh. As if sharing some secret only the two of them were privy to.

Again he clicked on it.

Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me?
Don't cha? (Ah-ah-ah) Don't cha?

Then, the coup de grace. Another image. With an MP3.

This one made him suck in his breath. Sharply. Now, Buffy had turned her head. To look at Faith.

Faith’s right hand was on Buffy’s right shoulder. Her left hand was resting lightly on Buffy’s left shoulder.

The brunette was staring deep into her lover’s eyes.

The women’s noses were brushing. Their mouths were open. Their glossy lips were just a fraction apart. Seemingly just moments away from meeting in a passionate kiss.

It was one of the sexiest sights Spike had ever witnessed.

Again, he clicked on the MP3.

Maybe next lifetime (maybe next lifetime)
Possibly (possibly)
Until then old friend your secret is safe with me
… Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me? (Oh)
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me? (Like me)
Don't cha?

Spike took a deep breath. He looked at the clock. He had less than five minutes left to decide.

He’d received their message loud and clear. This was it. A once in a lifetime opportunity.

“Fuck,” Spike whispered. God help me.

Right, Spike thought. Right.

Now, Spike looked over at the wall separating their bedroom from his. And made his decision.