I'm not sure if cutting all ties to his human side is possible but he really isn't a man anymore either. Super post

Author's Response: Thank you. :) And that's a very accurate summing up of what's happening. He isn't the same man he was ... but he isn't a complete monster either. Joss himself called Spike an "anomoly" for retaining so much of his humanity after he was turned. Humanity, of course, does not always go hand-in-hand with compassion.

"Just who am I, now? Who am I, really?"

Poor William. How confussing it must be...

He still feels he is William. His love and grief for Elisabeth are still there eating his heart out.. He still loved his mother and wanted to make her better and stronger, that was the reason he turned her. He doesn´t go as careless through his un-life as he wants to give the impression he does.
No, he needs to drink his sorrow away. He needs to drink to torture. He enjoys it, yes, but still he nead to drink, not to feel. And then, it must be confussing... His mother wasn´t the same when she was turned... and now Angelus is telling him that he isn´t the same person... that ..."The girl didn’t give that damned book to you; she gave it to a man who doesn’t even exist anymore.”

And then the nail in the coffin:

"If your girl saw you now…if she saw what you’ve done in her absence…would she still love you?”

Brilliant writing.... really. And then you had Angelus telling him this things... Hmm... I have the suspicion that you like Angelus... I have the suspicion that you have a little Angelus in you....

Please update soon. Please, please, please!!!!!



Author's Response: Oh, I definitely like Angelus. I'm not a big Angel fan, but I always loved seeing Angelus on the two shows -- especially flashbacks of Angelus. He was just so delightfully evil, reveling in his murders and even becoming pretentious about them. (A real kill, a good kill ... is pure artistry). He's trying to pass those same feelings on to William. William, of course, will not always remain an apt pupil. ;) I'm glad you liked the chapter. Thanks so much for reviewing it. :)

Wow. I wish this was one of the novels on my nightstand table so I could read it until the wee hours of the night. I find myself looking for your updates constantly. For the last few chapters, I have been holding my breath while I read of William’s monstrous transformation. I am hoping that he resolves his existential crisis without metaphorically killing William. I have a sneaking suspicion that you will unify your story line with the show’s story line. That in the end (one hundred years down the road), Spike’s character will not be all that different from the show’s unloved Spike. I don’t want it to be that way, but it looks like it might be. No matter what, though, I am sure it will be a good read. I think your story telling and writing skills shine brightly.

Author's Response: Thank you so much, jenb. It's wonderful to hear that you are enjoying the story that much. I really appreciate your telling me so. :)

Great chapter! Loving the story!

I keep thinking about what Angelus said about William's "lass." I wonder whether Elizabeth, if she was merely a Victorian Elizabeth and not Buffy, would really be able to love him. Buffy on the other hand will be an interesting case: not only having to reconcile William and Spike, but also (depending on how time traveling will affect her) will have to reconcile her feelings about William, and about the pre- and the post-time travel Spike.

Author's Response: As he is now, it's questionable that Buffy, even as a Slayer, could love him. He is, after all, a killer. However, it also begs the question...would he have become a killer had Buffy been there? Glad to hear you are exploring all the possibilities. Thanks for reviewing. :)

You are bloody brillliant

Author's Response: Why thank you. How nice of you to say. :)

another wonderful chapter. I am still very much enjoying this story. I can't wait for another update

Author's Response: I'm working on an update now, so hopefully, it won't be long. Thanks so much for the kind review; I'm glad you are enjoying the story. :)

Yes I think she would understand and still love him, I can't wait for them to reunite, what will he think when he sees her again.
I know we still have 100 years + to go.
More please.

Author's Response: I'm glad you like it. Thanks for reviewing...and for understanding how important these chapters are for when they finally *do* reunite. :)

poo william, well on the way to becoming Spike. Loved the torture bit. does that make me sick?
looking forward to more

Author's Response: Nah, it doesn't make you sick at all. In fact, I wrote it with a cheerful tone, so that readers *would* enjoy it. I was hoping to show the draw that violence has for William, so they can better understand his actions. I'm glad to hear that its working. Thanks for the review. :)

Oh god it just makes you want to hit Drusilla over the head with a blunt object. gah that was heartbreaking - the one thing he had left of her gone, oh so sad.

wow, the violence is rather graphic! I love the way you tell it, because its not like ripping and slashing and bloodplay sort of thing, but he takes his time with it and it almost seems more fitting for a heartbroken man to do it that way for some reason.

Anyway, loved the chapter as always, can't wait to see more! xx

Author's Response: I'm trying the toe the line between graphic and obscene, because I want to convey the realism and horror about what's happening, without disgusting my readers and chasing them away. Glad to hear I'm succeeding so far. Thanks for the kind review. :)

So the transition into Spike begins. :) I swear, I have a sixth sense for when you're going to update. I just knew when I checked tonight that I was going to get to read a new chap for this, and I am not disappointed!!! Wow, every single chapter makes this better and better. I felt terribly for William when Drusilla destroyed the book, and essentially destroyed the man he once was. He's falling deeper into the darkness, and it seems like it'll only be a short time longer until he's completely consumed-- and becomes entirely Spike. :) Ah!!! Can't wait to see them get run out of London, and Spike's (as he will be at that time) endeavors of killing the Slayer. :) Ah! Loving this so much. It's just so well-laid and perfect.

Author's Response: I'm so glad you like it, Devin. And it's good to hear your sixth sense is serving you well. Thanks so much for the kind review. :)

Oh lordy what a spectacle! The song link was great btw - nothing like reading the chappie with it playing in the background to help stimulate the visuals, LOL. And so yet another link to William's human life is gone huh? Somehow I doubt this will erradicate the humanity from his soul. It's that which made Spike seem unique amongst the other characters on the show...even his inhumanity was motivated by truly human emotions. Loving it!

Author's Response: lol. I'm glad you liked the link. My beta was concerned that not many people would be familiar enough with the song to regonize its title, so I thought the link would help. I like your predictions about William, but whether they come to fruition remains to be seen. ;) Thanks so much for the review. :)

The man in the mirror cannot stare back at William because he is no longer there. Great to put that into this chapter. Living as a vampire with the memories of his human life haunt and torment him reflecting the tormenting he has done to those who wronged him in his human life. He is burying his past with each of his kills, each victim who remind him of who he was is eradicated representing just who he has become. Loved reading this chapter - very powerful.

Author's Response: Aptly put, Vette. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter and thank you for your thoughtful review. :)