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*Glowing ember, burning hot....burning slow.
And deep within, I'm shaken be the violence of existing for only you...
I know I can’t be with you... I do what I have to do...
Oh, I know I can’t be with you... I do what I have to do...
But I have the sense to recognize that I don’t know how to let you go...
Don’t know how to let you go,
Don’t know how.....to let you go....
I don’t know how to let you go.......*



He saved her one hundred and forty eight times in his dreams and he's saved her two hundred and sixteen in his death.

Every night he saves her.

Every night his words keep her fighting, keep her from letting a demon send her into his arms.

She made a promise.

She pushes the thought of resting with him forever away and ducks as the demon swings his sword at her neck.

She steps over the demon and walks toward home, not noticing the heart clutched in her fist.

Giles is waiting for her when she comes in and he pales at the sight of her. Bruised and bloody, a dripping heart clutched in her tiny palm.

"Good Lord, Buffy." He takes her by the arm and walks her to the bathroom. He points to her hand and her brow furrows at the sight of the bloody heart. It drops to the floor with a splat and is forgotten.

He washes her hand gently with a cloth and shakes his head.

"I just- I don't understand why you're doing this. Why you're tormenting yourself."

He let her arm drop only to pick up her other hand and give it the same soft washing.

"I know you were fond of him, I know you relied on him-" She pulled her hand away and looked at him with glassy green eyes.

"I loved him."

She let out a breath and tried to control the torrent of tears trying to escape her eyes. Her lips trembled and her shoulders shook, her breath coming in short pants.

"I loved him. And I didn't reali-" Her breath was coming faster, spurred on by her sobs. "And I didn't realize until it was to late. I didn't realize how much I needed him. How much I still need him."

Giles had never felt more like her father, than when he pulled her trembling body into his arms and held her as his own tears fell. He held her until his knees gave away and they slid to the floor, sobs still shaking her small body.

He pulled her face away and wiped the tears from her cheeks, urging her to look into his eyes.

"You have to go on, Buffy. You have to live."

She nodded her head and tears fell onto his hands.

"I know. I promised him. But I don'-" A sob hitched in her chest. "I don't know how. Now that I know what I've lost-" She shook her head and clutched his shoulders. " I don't know how."

She dropped her face back into his chest and Giles held her as she wept.





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