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As it turned out the original spell had not been intended to create a mating bond between her and Spike. The original spell was the Tri- Something or other. Anyway Giles explained that the purpose of the spell was for two warriors to blend essences in order to create a powerful magic to defeat a third opponent. When the two "champions" as Giles called them opened their link to the opponent it created a magical vortex that killed all three participants. Something about the third essence of magic or the third realm or third something. So basically the spell was only used in dire circumstances because of the body count.

Giles believed that Drusilla manipulated the original spell in order to affect all souls instead of just three linked beings. And by stepping in and setting up a link we circumvented her changes. However Vampire's don't have souls, and they aren't selfless beings, so Spike's demon manipulated the spell further by twisting it into something that was acceptable to it. Thus the mating bond. And the mating bond had been so powerful that it had protected both of them when they had opened the bond to a third being creating the vortex thingie. However protecting the two of them destroyed the bond.

So the hellmouth was quiet, everything was right with the world, and Buffy found it easier to focus on the clinical facts of what had happened to her than to think about the emotional whirlwind the whole thing had created. Surely a soul-sucking vortex would have been less painful. So she got up in the mornings and went to school, did the whole college thing. She pretended to be normal, with the bouncy hair and the smiles and the studies. She even began casually dating Riley. In the evening's she Slayed. Vampire's and Monsters and all manner of evil things. And she pretended that she did not miss Spike.

Her friends asked her if she was all right and she assured them she was fine. She ruthlessly squashed the urge to sob into her pillow. She gave her all to making it work with Riley. A nice normal boy. Corn fed, polite, Iowa farm boy. Everything a girl could ask for in a boyfriend. Buffy felt nothing. His soft gentle kisses left her wanting, and his feather light touches made her giggle. This whole thing wasn't really fair to him. They'd been out half a dozen times, and though he hadn't pressured her at all Buffy could tell that he'd like to move things to the next level.

But here was the crazy thing that she hid in the dark corners of her mind, and didn't even really admit to herself. Every time Riley touched her Buffy had awful pangs of guilt. Because it felt like she was cheating on Spike. She knew that she was being irrational. Spike was gone. He was the one who had left. But those cold facts didn't change the truth. The truth was she wasn't ready to sleep with someone else. It would most definitely be a while before she was. So tonight, tonight she would tell Riley that it was best if they didn't see each other anymore.

Riley was, of course, promptly on time. And Buffy was running late. She ran about haphazardly putting on her shoes with one hand and brushing through her hair with the other. When she finally made it down the stairs Riley was chatting with her mom. The atmosphere in the room was tense. Dawn was deliberately ignoring him, and her mother was wearing her strained polite smile. Why didn't her family ever like her boyfriends? Well they had both liked Spike, but that was different.

Buffy gave what was becoming an exhausting cheery smile and bounded up to Riley, taking his arm, and urging him out the door. Always the gentleman Riley opened the door for her and as usual Buffy felt a pang, remembering that Spike always did that for her. God she was pathetic. Riley carefully drove the speed limit and parked neatly in front of the ice cream shop. He then got out and walked around the car to open the door for her, holding her elbow. It was official. She was insane. How on earth could she prefer a swaggering, chain smoking, obnoxious Brit to this sweet guy? That bond had obviously warped her mind.

But after ice cream Buffy took a deep breath and blurted out that she didn't want to see him anymore. As expected these things never went smoothly. Riley wore his hurt puppy dog expression and wanted to know why. The truth was she really didn't know so she tried the whole it's not you it's me spiel which he didn't buy for a minute. Polite and well-mannered, yes. Stupid, no. Then he came right out and asked her if this was about that guy she had been seeing and she had admitted that yes partly she just wasn't over him.

This was, of course, followed by the give me a chance speech, how he wouldn't push her and he understood she needed to take things slow. This inability to listen to what she was saying was exactly what got on her nerves about him. She'd already said she wanted to call it quits, why did he have to drag it out like this? By the time it was all said and done she had another date with him for Saturday. Her life sucked!

Giving Riley a chaste kiss at the end of their evening made Buffy's skin crawl, and she knew that he could tell that she was uncomfortable. Now instead of the relief she had told herself she would feel if she told him she felt guilt and dread about her next date. Maybe she should have done this over the phone, where she wouldn't be affected by puppy dog eyes and could hang up on him right after she was done talking. Then she could have done the avoidance thing, not take his calls and stealthily avoid him at school. It was about time that this Slayer business came in handy for something. But nooooo. She had to be all mature about it. Maturity sucked. She would so not be trying it again any time soon.

Intensely frustrated by her life Buffy took off straight away to Slay without going inside and grabbing extra weapons. The hellmouth had been quiet and she didn't think that she would need a broadsword or a battle-axe or anything except her trusty stake. Oh and her extra stake. But she never went anywhere without those so she was all prepared to deal out dusty death.

The first two cemeteries were quiet. Buffy carelessly scanned for broken earth and other signs of disturbance. She was far too caught up in her own thoughts however to give much thought to why Sunnydale was so peaceful tonight. She found out why however when she hit the Garden Grove cemetery. She felt them before she saw them. She considered running for it but straightened her spine resolutely and gripped the stake in her pocket for comfort. It was too late for running. If she could sense them they already knew she was there. These were not fledglings.

Still, she did still have time to find some advantage. Choose where to make her stand. Her eyes swept over the graveyard, landing on a tall mausoleum with sweeping stone sides. She pulled out her stake and broke into a run, dodging headstones gracefully. Two Vampires materialized out of the ether between her and her goal but Buffy didn't stop. She stepped on one stone slab, sprang to a taller headstone and vaulted into the air, tucking her body in close and flying over her twin obstructions. The move was so unexpected that it left the two gaping like idiots long enough for her to crouch into a landing and spin with her back against the stone wall, relatively safe from attack from behind.

She wasted no time, spinning quickly, kicking out. They were on her too fast to count them and Buffy ruthlessly squashed her fear. She concentrated on the fight. Spin kick, short jab, thrust, side swipe. Hit punch dodge turn. There was no time for witty quips or snarky comebacks. She was in a fight for her life and she knew it. The twisted thing was that in the back of her mind she was thinking if she died tonight she had an airtight excuse to miss her date on Saturday. Not even Riley could argue with attending one's own funeral as a necessary calendar item.

The air became thick with dust and Buffy started to breathe through her mouth to keep from choking on it. She was retreating now, on the defensive. There weren't that many left. She had worked her way through a swath of evil and ought to be proud. But she was exhausted, limbs shaking uncontrollably. Her movements were becoming clumsy and heavy and they knew it. She could see it on their taunting faces as they circled her. They had long ago drawn her out from the relative safety of her wall. She pictured her mother over her casket and lifted her chin. She wasn't going down easy.

She sprang on them with a new burst of energy and managed to dust two before she was knocked off balance. Her stake was wretched from her fingers as the Vampire lowered his head to rip her throat out while she struggled ineffectually. The cold brush of death, sharp fangs piercing skin, and then she fell gracelessly on her butt, breaking her fall with both arms like an amateur. She stared up for one breathless moment at the figure in the dust. Black leather, blazing blue eyes, all she got was a glance before he was whirling to defend her. Never one to be a damsel Buffy clambered to her feet and drew out her extra stake, finding only one Vampire to engage with.

They traded blows for a few seconds, before she managed to get a stake clumsily through his heart. There was no energy left in her for finesse or a display of skill. She was trembling like a leaf and her legs were made of rubber. Not the plastic container kind either, no the floppy stretchy stuff used to make rubber bands. She stood alone in the swirl of dust, making a conscious effort to stand as straight and tall as possible, attempting to ooze confidence in her ability as a slayer. She turned in a circle, finding the cemetery empty except for Spike.

Head tilted, arms akimbo, he looked exactly like he had the last time she had seen him…only with more clothes. Somehow she had expected him to look different, because she was different. They stared at each other and Buffy knew he could hear her heart racing in her chest. For a moment the emotions overwhelming her were so intense that they made her breath shorten and her head feel light. She felt like giggling, she felt like dancing. She was snowed under with joy and affection and peace…it was, it was…

It was love

That was the only way to describe what she was feeling. The realization left her shaking. She was in love with him. With Spike. Oh God! Could he see it on her face? Did he know? Did it matter? Suddenly she just wanted to throw herself in her arms and confess her feelings. Kiss him and say sweet nothings. Shag him into the ground. He moved suddenly, coming into her space and Buffy tried to be rational, tried to think defensively, but she found herself moving towards him as well. So what if he was a dangerous Vampire, she could handle him.

Her joy was fading fast as he grew nearer. There were so many obstacles, and who's to say he was even interested in overcoming them. Who's to say he hadn't jumped in just because he felt some small amount of misplaced loyalty but would be moving on when they had exchanged pleasantries? It wasn't just her heart on the line…Jenny Calendar's face flashed in her mind and her stomach plummeted to her feet with a sickening jar to her insides. Why did she always fall in love with the impossible?

Spike stood there for a moment and then reached out with both hands wiping the pads of his fingers over her wet cheeks. She hadn't realized that tears had sprung until he brought it to her attention. No telling how many innocents had fallen prey to him since the last time she had seen him, he looked well fed. Buffy swallowed the lump in her throat. It was Angel all over again. Why were the powers so cruel? She'd learned her lesson when she had let Angel walk free, why did they have to test her like this? All of a sudden she wished he had never come back…because now…because now…

"I haven't been feeding, been drinking rations since the day I left. Just like bloody peaches."

She blinked. That was impossible. Vampires didn't just give up killing. "Oh come on Spike," She said softly, her voice trembling. "You don't really expect me to believe that do you?"

"Have I ever lied to you?" He had her there…but he couldn't be serious. Spike lived for the kill, he was violence walking, God help her but that was one of the things that drew her to him. "Had to prove I could do it. To myself. Prove I could live without it. Had to prove that the hunt wasn't as important as I thought it was before I had you." He paused then, took in her dumbstruck expression. Decided that she was speechless and continued in a suddenly not so gentle tone of voice. "You can call the Poof if you want. I've been parading around LA wearing the poncey cape of defender. Been doing all kinds of disgusting good deeds just to keep myself busy."

Could he be serious? She wouldn't have to dust him. But she should call. Even if it meant talking to Angel…about Spike. That would be beyond awkward.

"Why are you here?" The words weren't right. There were so many things to say, so much to talk about. But they just popped out without her consent and she stood there like an idiot embarrassed for herself.

"Why am I here?" he repeated with a wry twist to his tone, his expression changing like a kaleidoscope and his body springing into familiar action. He began to pace and Buffy smiled, it was good when he did the expected "Why am I here? The bint asks. As if she doesn't know. As if she doesn't know she has my heart in the palm of her hand."

His head swiveled, eyes piercing her. "I'm a soddin fool I am, Love's Bitch. Always have been. You own me completely, your willing slave." His hands came up, cupped her face, then fell away when he spun around to pace again. She ought to break in but she couldn't seem to get in a word in edgewise. "But you don't want me, I'm a bleedin Vampire, can't be trusted, can't be loved. Too good for the likes of me. Used to it anyway, got bloke's lined up around the bend just beggin for your favor, not that you notice them…got eyes for no one but the…"

He finally went still and silent when she placed her fingers on his lips. She really didn't know what to say. He still didn't say why he was here. And for some reason she believed him about where he had been and what he had been doing.

"Are you saying you're in love with me?" She finally whispered, unable to get any other words past her lips. His eyes bulged and he got that outraged expression that she loved so much on his face.

"In love with you! In love with you! Haven't you been listening to a word I said? How could you not know I'm in love with you! Are you blind! Are you deaf?"

"Boy, Spike you really know how to woo a girl. Just call her names and she'll swoon at your feet." Buffy said, rolling her eyes, but unable to suppress the grin of pure ecstasy on her lips. When he opened his mouth to snark back she stopped him cold by grabbing his hair and pulling him down for a kiss.

She felt like she was drowning in his touch. He immediately snaked arms around her and pulled her close to him. It was like coming home. He tasted the same, fresh and clean, his tongue slid against hers like cool velvet. His shoulders were firm, his muscles tense as she slid her hands over his familiar body. He touched her all over, his hands in her hair, on her face, down her back, on her hips. He nipped, and sucked, and kissed her like there was no tomorrow, and she supposed for them there might not be. It leant an air of desperation to her kisses, her touches. He felt it and responded in kind.

She snapped back to reality when she felt her back pressed roughly up against the mausoleum wall, his hand inching her skirt up as he laid feverish kisses along her collarbone. "Spike, we can't do this here. In the cemetery. Eewww…"

He chuckled darkly against her skin, one hand in her hair, the other brushing over the vee of her panties. He did it again. "Been so bloody long since I touched you, an eternity…" He whispered, his mouth finding its way back to hers and kissing her, soft wet kisses. One long finger pushed the scrap of material aside, finding her wet and wanting.

"Spike, seriously, lets go somewhere else." She panted between kisses, even as she shamelessly titled her hips to give him better access, a shock rocking through her body when he gently moved his finger over her bare wet clit. He growled words of desire as he trailed his mouth down to her throat. She arched her head back and gave him access as he slipped first one finger, and then two, inside her. Within seconds she was clutching him and trembling as her first orgasm in weeks, since the last time he'd touched her, swept over her. The speed and strength of her response shocked her beyond belief.

She came down off her high to his soft kisses; he had removed his hand from her panties but continued to rock his hips against her as if he couldn't stop. "Where do you want to go?" He asked breathless, his voice that low husky deep drawl that made her shiver. It was empowering to know that he wanted her this badly.

"You have to know," She said pushing off the wall, straightening her clothes, "That this can't work. We can't be together. We're too different." The words came out choked and brittle, tearing her very heart out as she said them. She wanted to confess her love but she knew if she did that Spike would never walk away, he was built that way, loyal. But she could never trust him, not completely, not like before. She took his hand, walking backwards with him, towards somewhere that they could get a room. "Tonight, that's all there can be. You do know that…right?"

He quickened, pushing into her space, one long leg striding between hers and she walked backwards, his lithe hard body brushing up against hers. "Doesn't have to be that way, we were all right before. Bloody perfect. Can be again."

She turned, disentangling herself from him before she tripped and fell on her bum. But she kept onto his hand and sped up her pace. Eager, to be somewhere she could touch him better. "That was before…" She trailed off, not really wanting to talk about it, but needing to before they fell into bed together. She couldn't lead him on. She couldn't lead herself on. If she forgot for one moment that this was just temporary she might never be able to let him go. "We can't have that again. The bond is gone."

He turned her then, his eyes boring into hers, his hands on her shoulders. "We could have it again." He whispered. "It's just a simple bite, some lovemaking, a spell. All you have to do is surrender to me, and you could be mine again." He whispered.

Her eyes bulged and widened, she hadn't thought of that. And the dark promise left her speechless.

"Would do anything to be that close to you again." He continued. "I love you. Love you so completely. I want to have that with you again. And we could Buffy, it would be so easy…" He trailed off, leaning in, kissing her open mouth. "Be mine love, belong to me, I'll be so good to you I swear…" He kissed the corner of her mouth, bent his head to kiss her neck, pulling her closer. He wrapped his arms around her, slid his hands down to cup her bum. "I'll make you love me. Love you so good you can't help it…." He ground her pelvis into hers, reminding her of the fantastic bulge in his pants.

Oh God! She needed to think. She needed to be calm and rational. But he was shoving his hands up under her top to touch her breasts and she couldn't think of anything except his cool hands…She pushed him away, hard.

He looked up, wounded, his hands still in the air where she used to be.

"You want to be mates again?" She asked dumbfounded. "You can do that?" She rushed on without an answer. Spinning away so she wouldn't have to look into his eyes, eyes that burned into her soul and made her knees shake. Oh Lord. He was offering her paradise and she didn't think she could bare it if this glimmering hope was ripped from her. "Are you serious?" She asked in a low voice, her head bent dejectedly.

"Oi, Pet! Don't be so sad. I'll be a good mate. I'll take care of you and love you and…" He trailed off when she spun around and ran into his arms, squeezing tight enough to make him grunt.

She looked up at him through her shining tears. "Can you really do that? Make it like it was?" She asked in a trembling tearful voice and his face gentled.

"Course I can gorgeous. Do anything you want me too. I want to do this. If you'll just let me. I know you don't love me like I do you, but in time…" He cut off again when she whacked him in his head.

"You idiot! You blinding self centered idiot. How dare you assume about my feelings. Of course I love you. How could you not know that! Do you think I let Vampires kiss me everyday! What kind of a girl do you think I am?" She took a shuddering breath, revealing in his awestruck look, and looped her arm through his. "Now is your car here or not because I am sooo sick of the cemetery."

Miracles would never cease, Spike had nothing to say. But he did sweep her up in his arms and break into a run for the edge of the cemetery. She threw her arms around his neck, squealing, that day at the park flashing in her memory. On the street was his car and he set her too her feet, opening the passenger door for her. She got in, scowling at the blacked out windows. She hated not being able to see where she was going. And no matter how good his senses were, Spike must not be able to see well. He was in the drivers’ seat a moment later but didn't start the car. "Where do you want to go?"

"I don't know. A room."

He nodded, looked at her out of the corner of his eye, started the car and peeled off down the road. Sinking down into Spike’s soft leather seats brought into focus the fact that she was exhausted from her fight. Her limbs were shaky and noodley. She brought one trembling hand up to her neck and felt the scratch on her throat, shuddering at how close death had been. The adrenaline from the fight and her exhilaration over Spike’s sweet confessions was draining out of her quickly and she leaned her head against the cooling glass of the window and allowed her eyes to slide shut.

Somewhere in the back of her mind was an annoying voice telling her that letting her guard down while in the car with a dangerous killer was a bad idea. She told the voice to shut up and tuned in on the soothing sound of the tires spinning over the asphalt. She could almost hear Giles polishing his glasses, and Xander’s outraged squawks. She could picture Willow’s wide eyed tongue tied amazement, Anya’s inappropriate remarks. But that could all wait until tomorrow. Right now she was safe and warm and tired. She’d call her mom when they got there, let her know everything was fine. Somehow she thought that maybe her mom’s reaction would be ok, that she didn’t have to worry about her. And if a person’s mom was ok with something, than it must be the right thing to do. Right?

She supposed this was all a slayer could ask for when it came to happily ever after. Spike reached over and squeezed her knee and Buffy covered his hand with hers, snuggling deeper into the soft leather as she made the decision to trust him.

END

Authors Notes:
This was my first fanfiction story, and a little rough. I wanted to take a minute to think all of the people who read this story, gave me feedback, and made me a better writer. My writing skills have been improved a million times over by both reading and writing fanfiction, this is the most amazing community and I feel so honored by all the wonderful reinforcement I’ve had from my readers. It was an amazing experience for me and I’m going to miss it. Re-reading this story even inspired me to start another one, though I will first finish my other unfinished works. It’s my new year’s resolution. I left this unfinished for a long time, until I figured out that the reason I couldn’t write anymore was because there was nothing else to the story. So I tweaked an ending and reposted.








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