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One thought kept rolling through Spike's head: "What the fuck was that?" He hadn't been able to do much of anything since Buffy had run out of his house. He wanted to talk to her, to find out what on earth had driven her to do that, but he knew her husband was home now, and the "why exactly did we have sex?" conversation was not one he wanted to have with the other man present.

Spike felt himself drifting back and forth from guilt and self-loathing to telling himself he couldn't exactly be to blame for her throwing herself at him. He hadn't actively tried to seduce her. Sure, he may have gotten closer to her than he should have, but he hadn't pushed for anything. No, Buffy had just come in and taken that.

But then again, he should've tried to stop it. He'd known she was married, but he'd let it happen all the same. He'd done nothing to change Buffy's mind, and now he was no better than the men Drusilla had spent years making a fool of him with.

He wondered if they'd ever felt like this. If those men had sat alone and thought about him, felt guilt for invading his marriage, for sharing something with his wife than only he was supposed to. Somehow, from what he'd seen of Dru's other men, he doubted it. But did that make him any better? Was he somehow immune from the fact that this was wrong because he felt guilty?

Spike didn't think so. The fact still remained, he'd had sex with another man's wife, something he'd vowed he'd never do. And to make it worse, he knew he'd do it again if given the chance.

"You're a bloody stupid git, William," he mumbled to himself before taking a drink straight from the bottle.

*** *** ***

"Buffy, honey, are you okay?"

Buffy glanced up from the toast she'd been staring out for the past few minutes. "I'm fine. Do you need more coffee?" She stood up. "I think I'm going to get more coffee."

Riley reached out and grabbed her arm as she started to get up from the table. "I don't think you need any more coffee. You're jumpy enough as it is."

"You're right. No more coffee. Orange juice? I could go squeeze some…"

Riley folded his newspaper closed. "Buffy, talk to me. Is everything all right with us? You've been weird since I got home last night. You…you believe me about Sandy, don't you?"

"Of course I do, it's just…" I fucked that gorgeous man who lives next door, and now I can't look you in the face… "I'm fine, Riley. Really." She smiled. "See, this is happy, content Buffy, all big on the marital bliss."

Riley frowned. "Okay, I'll let it go. But you'd tell me if something was wrong, wouldn't you?"

"Of course I would." Buffy reached over and took Riley's hand, immediately regretting the action. Touching Riley made her remember touching Spike, and that brought the guilt back, washing over her again in waves.

Riley brought Buffy's hand to his lips, kissing it. "I'm such a lucky guy to have you for my wife, Buffy," he said. "You're perfect."

"I'm not sure if I'd go as far as perfect…"

He gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "I would."

Buffy glanced out the window to the house next door.

*** *** ***

"Why don't we go out tonight?"

Buffy looked at Riley in shock. "What?"

"I'm leaving for another week tomorrow. Let's spend the evening together before I have to go."

Buffy wasn't sure what to say. Riley hadn't taken her out in ages. But since he'd come home this last time, he'd been the attentive husband she'd been asking for forever, making Buffy wonder if this was somehow her karma for what she did with Spike. Being around Riley now only served to remind her of what she'd done, but he was still her husband. She should try to enjoy being around him. "Sounds great, honey."

Riley kissed her. "Great. How about you go put something nice on, and we can go out to eat?"

Buffy smiled. "Give me…forty five minutes?"

Riley smiled back. "You got it, babe."

*** *** ***

Riley had taken Buffy out for dinner and dancing, being more romantic than she remembered him ever being before. She'd started the night off feeling guilty, but now as they were driving home, she felt angry. Why was he just now doing this? Why hadn't be been treating her this well their entire marriage? Sure, he was all sweet and suave now, but well, maybe it was too little too late.

When they got into the house, Buffy reached for the light switch, but Riley stopped her, taking her hand and lifting it to his lips. "I had a wonderful time with you tonight, Buffy. I forgot how amazingly beautiful you can be. You take my breath away."

Buffy could see from his eyes what he wanted, and she suddenly wanted anything but. She could still feel Spike's hands on her, taste his rough kisses. Would Riley know if he touched her? Would he be able to feel what Spike had burned into her skin? She felt her anger surge again. Why did Riley want her now, after rejecting her so many times in the past? She pulled her hand away. "Well, whose fault is that?"

Riley blinked. "Buffy…I…I thought we were having a good time." He gave her a pitiful expression.

The guilt returned. Buffy reminded herself she was the one in the wrong, not Riley. Why was she taking it out on him? But if he had been like this before, she probably wouldn't have done anything with Spike in the first place. Buffy felt her eyes tear, and she fought not to cry. "We were, I'm just…tired. Can we just go to sleep?"

Riley tried poorly to mask his disappointment. "Yeah, sure."

Buffy followed him silently into the bedroom.

*** *** ***

Buffy paced her living room. Riley had only been gone two hours, and already all she could think about was Spike. Her body ached with the memory of how intense it had been with him, how it had been better than anything she'd ever known.

Finally, Buffy made up her mind. She left her house, walking next door with determination. She couldn't keep yearning for him like this. It had to stop.

Once Buffy got to Spike's door, she felt her strength and determination leave her in a rush. She stood nervously outside his door, trying to compose herself. The last time she'd been here she'd jumped him like an inmate who'd just seen the light of day for the first time in years, and then run off without any explanation. What could she say to him now? She started to leave, then stopped. She had to do this. Needed to… She knocked.

The time it took Spike to get to the door seemed like forever to Buffy. She was shaking with nervousness, not sure of the reaction she'd get when he opened the door.

On the other side door, Spike was trying to calm himself. He'd seen Buffy from the window coming over, and had been waiting for her to finally knock. Now that she had, he didn't know what to do. He contemplated pretending he wasn't home, but he realized she'd probably seen his car in the driveway. Besides, that was the coward's way out, and if there was one thing Spike wasn't, that was it. Finally, he opened the door, hoping he looked as nonchalant about it all as possible. "Hello, Buffy."

Buffy looked up, her expression resembling that of a cat about to be pounced by a mouse. How could he be so calm? "Um, hi, William. Can I come in?"

Spike almost winced. She was back to calling him William. He didn't like that. "Might as well. Planning on throwing me around my living room again?"

Buffy blushed straight up to her roots. "Um, about that…"

"Let's go in and talk, pe…Buffy."

Buffy looked up, catching his quick change. It hurt, and she didn't want it to. "Okay."

Spike and Buffy sat on opposite sides of his couch. "So, are you going to talk or stare at my floor all day?" Spike asked after a moment of uncomfortable silence.

"I used you."

"I sort of picked up on that."

Buffy didn't look at him. "I thought Riley was cheating on me, and I…I wanted to get back at him. But it was all a mistake. He wasn't."

Spike tried to ignore just how much her confession hurt. "Oh."

"William…"

"Just go."

"William…I still…"

"Go!"

Buffy jumped up. She got to the door, then turned around. Spike wasn't looking at her, but she could see the side of his face, and… She froze. Was he crying? She moved back to him, reaching out, but not touching him.

"I thought I bloody told you to go!"

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for any of this to happen." Buffy felt herself begin to cry as well. "I don't know how I let things get so messed up. I'm so sorry I hurt you."

Spike looked up, immediately wishing he hadn't. Seeing her cry was enough to break him. "It's all right, pet," he said, offering her a weak smile. "I'm pretty used to, well, being used."

Buffy crumbled. "I didn't…oh god, I'm so horrible!"

Spike stood up, wrapping her arms around her. "Shh…you're not horrible. You just made a mistake, is all. Your husband needn't even know. It'll be our little secret."

Buffy looked up at him, her eyes wide and tear-filled. "But I did something awful. I cheated on my husband!"

"It'll work out all right, Buffy. It's not like it's going to happen again…"

"But that's the problem."

"What?"

"I keep wanting it, Spike. When my mother died, I felt like a part of me died with her. And after I married Riley, well, I've just been dying a little more inside every day. But when I was with you, even before, um, that, I felt alive. I feel horrible for it, and I know I should just walk away, but I want you so bad…"

"Buffy, what are you saying?"

"I want you. I tried to forget about it, tried to just stay away from you, but I couldn't. I know it's wrong, to risk my marriage for sex, but I've been going crazy. I need it, Spike."

Spike felt all the blood rush from his brain. What little bit of logical thought he had left was screaming at him to get her out of there. When this was over, they were both going to hate themselves. She'd go back to being guilty for cheating on her husband, and he'd go back to being guilty over taking what wasn't his. He leaned down and kissed her.

Buffy grabbed the back of his head, pulling his lips somehow closer. Spike groaned against her mouth, his hands roaming her body. He pulled away from her just long enough to whisper in her ear, "Bedroom. Now."

Buffy nodded as his lips crushed hers again. Spike lifted her up, Buffy's legs automatically going around his hips. He tried to walk with her still kissing him, but with little success. They smashed into a CD tower, Spike's entire music collection crashing to the floor. He didn't even seem to notice, pushing Buffy up against the wall so he could keep kissing her. He wrapped one arm around her waist, using the other one to unbutton her shirt and throw it to the ground. He smiled at her now-bare chest and whispered in her ear, "No bra…naughty girl."

"I want to be naughty for you, Spike," Buffy moaned. "Just for you."

Her words made Spike grow almost impossibly hard. He pulled Buffy up against him, carrying her into the hall. They stumbled again, this time Buffy's flailing hand knocking a framed painting off the wall. Spike managed to get into the bedroom, collapsing just past the door. He landed with Buffy on top of him, and decided not to attempt getting up to walk again. Buffy didn't seem to mind where they were, pulling his shirt from his jeans and over his head in one swift movement.

She moved then to his belt, cursing as her trembling hands fought with the buckle. "Let me," Spike said, Undoing his belt and opening his pants quickly. He pulled himself out, stroking it once. Buffy watched him, her eyes glazed over. She licked her lips slowly, and Spike about lost it right there. Then she leaned down, taking him in her mouth as she swirled her tongue around the tip. Spike's head fell back hard against the floor as he clenched his fist. "Fuck, Buffy, baby…"

Buffy looked at him with an expression that made Spike growl low in his throat. She pulled up slowly. "You like that?"

"Oh, god, pet—yes."

"Want more?"

Spike nodded.

"Say it."

Spike swallowed. Was this the same woman who had been blushing from head to toe just a little bit ago at the mere mention of what they'd done before? "Put it in your mouth, Buffy."

Buffy feigned innocence. "Put what in my mouth, Spike?"

Spike smirked. So this was her game. "My cock. Suck my cock, Buffy."

Buffy held his gaze as she lowered herself slowly down again, letting his slip into her mouth. When she'd taken as much as she could, she moaned deep in her throat. Spike's eyes rolled back in his head as his hands reached up to tangle in her hair. Buffy smiled around him as she moved up and down, reveling in the obvious effect she was having on him.

After a few moments, Spike pulled her head up. "Your pussy…I need that now, pet. Please, just let me fuck you again. I have to…"

Buffy stood, and Spike almost panicked. Then he saw she was taking off her jeans, and he sighed in relief. If she ran off now, he was pretty sure he'd just spontaneously combust. She knelt over him, starting slowly, taking just the head into her. Spike hissed, the pleasure so exquisite it was almost pain. Then Buffy moved up only to push down again quickly, taking him all in one stroke. They both cried out together, and Spike took hold of her hips, moving her up and down in a desperate attempt for more friction.

Buffy rode him frantically, making positively inhuman noises. Spike held her hard enough to bruise, watching her as she threw her head back in ecstasy. Suddenly, he flipped them over, making Buffy gasp in surprise. He pounded into her, Buffy's hands moving to claw at his back, leaving long, dark red welts in their wake.

Buffy let out a long, keening yell, and Spike knew she was there. He drove in harder, Buffy's fingernails now digging exclusively into his shoulders. He welcomed the pain, allowing it to mix with the pleasure until it was all too much. He came with a shout, collapsing down on top of her.

When he came to his senses enough to realize he was probably crushing her, Spike rolled to the side. "We missed the bed," Buffy said.

Spike chuckled. "Lucky for the bed." He turned to her. "You were amazing."

Buffy looked at him, her eyes almost sad. "You got the job done yourself."

Spike let out a deep breath. Here it was. The Guilt. "Buffy…"

"Don't. I know."

Spike nodded. She looked sad again, and Spike hated that, hated himself for not having enough strength to turn her away when he knew what this was going to do to her. "Are you hungry?" he asked. As much as he knew he shouldn't, he wanted her to stay.

"Yeah."

"What me to make us some lunch? I'm not much of a cook, but I can open a can of soup and make a mean grilled cheese sandwich."

Buffy laughed lightly, and Spike was grateful for that. "Okay." She moved, wincing a little. "Can I use your bathroom to clean up? I'm kinda, um, messy."

"Yeah, of course."

Buffy stood, glancing at Spike before hurrying to the bathroom. Spike stood, pulling his pants back up and refastening them. He frowned slightly, realizing that they'd never been able to take it slow enough to actually get him fully undressed. He glanced down at his shirt, but decided to skip it. His back was stinging a bit from her fingernails, and he didn't want the cloth irritating it.

Spike ran his fingers through his hair in a weak attempt to calm it down and went into the kitchen.

*** *** ***

Spike almost dropped the bread when he heard Buffy gasp. He turned around, his eyes widening at her look of horror. "What?"

"Your…your back! Oh my god, did I do that?"

"Um, yeah."

"Spike, I am so sorry."

"It's okay." Spike smiled, both at the fact that she was so concerned for him, and the fact that she was now wearing only his shirt. Must mean she wasn't planning to run right off.

"They look really bad. Do you think you need to disinfect them?" She glanced up at his hair and smirked. "I know you have to have some peroxide around here somewhere…."

"Hey!" Spike said, giving her a mock hurt expression. "You don't like my hair?"

"I never said that. It's very sexy—in a Billy Idol sort of way."

"I'll have you know he stole the look from me," Spike said, looking indignant. Buffy raised an eyebrow, clearly indicating she didn't believe him. "What? He did!"

"Uh huh, sure. But your back. It's…"

"Not a big deal." Spike winked. "Besides, I kinda like the fact I can make you lose control like that. Makes me feel all manly."

Buffy sauntered up to him, hooking her thumbs in his belt loops and pulling him closer. "You are definitely quite manly. She looked down, smiling like the Cheshire cat. "Very manly."

Spike pushed himself against her. "Glad you like it, pet."

"Boy do I ever," Buffy replied, sounding almost unaware that the words were even leaving her mouth. She blushed a little, and Spike chuckled. How she could go from blushing innocent to sex kitten and back again endeared him to no end.

He leaned down, taking her chin in his hand. "Are you okay, Buffy?"

"Why are you asking me that? I'm not the one that looks like a tiger used his back as a scratching post."

"I didn't mean physically. I meant…"

"I know what you meant. I just don't…can't we pretend for a bit that none of that matters? That it's just you and me?"

Spike wasn't sure how he felt about that, but he wanted Buffy to be happy. "Sure, pet."

"Good." She smiled. "Now how's that lunch coming? I'm hungry."

"Oh, look who's the bossy little bint," Spike said, kissing her. "Give me a couple of minutes, and I'll have it ready."

Buffy smiled up at him, and Spike decided maybe pretending wasn't so bad after all.

*** *** ***

Spike sat with Buffy on the couch watching television. She flipped through the channels, frowning at each new thing that came on. Finally, she stopped, smiling again and moving to curl up next to Spike. He wrapped his arm around her, kissing the top of her head.

"Is this show all right?" Buffy asked.

She could've put on a dog show for all Spike cared at the moment. "It's fine, pet."

Buffy moved around a bit, situating herself so she was even closer to Spike. She threw one leg over his, and the oversized black t-shirt she was wearing rode up, letting Spike see a bit of her low-cut panties. He shifted uncomfortably, wondering if he could initiate anything else with her. She seemed open to continue whatever this was that was going on between them, but Spike was afraid to push it.

Buffy moved again, this time her hand brushing over his crotch for just a second. Spike sucked in a deep breath. Had she meant to do that? He looked down, seeing that Buffy was focusing on the television, chuckling a little at whatever was going on on the screen. Spike decided it had been accidental and told his body to calm down. Whatever happened here, he'd left Buffy take it at her own pace.

Buffy's hand brushed against his groin again, this time lingering for a moment. Spike raised an eyebrow. Was that an accident? He wasn't sure. Then she did it again, this time giving him a definite squeeze. He swallowed. There was no way that wasn't on purpose. But still, she didn't look at him, staring ahead at the television. Spike smirked. If she wanted to play a little game, he'd up the ante.

Spike reached down slowly, dipping his hand pants the waistband of her panties. Buffy let out an almost inaudible gasp, but didn't say anything. Spike continued down, finding his target and pressing down with his thumb. Buffy gasped louder this time, but still tried to act as if her attention was focused on the television and not him. Spike pushed two fingers inside her, smiling to find her already wet. He moved his thumb in a hard circular motion as his fingers slid in and out. Buffy's breathing grew heavier, more ragged, and Spike watched her as she fell apart against his hand, moaning his name and bucking against him as she came.

Spike slid his hand from between her legs, watching as Buffy tried to recompose herself. He leaned down, pressing his mouth to her ear and whispering hotly, "Let's see if we can make it to the bed this time."

"I'm trying to watch television."

Spike gaped for a second before he saw the smile tugging at the corner of her lips. "Like hell you are," he said as he stood up. He grabbed Buffy, throwing her over his shoulder. Buffy squealed, laughing as she struggled, yelling at him to put her down. "I'll put you down when I'm good and ready," Spike replied, carrying her to the bed. "And that would be now." He threw her down on top of the mattress.

Buffy pulled his shirt off of her, and Spike let himself stare for a moment. Sure, he'd seen women with chests larger than hers before, but never had anyone else seemed so perfect. Buffy looked up, locking eyes with him as she slid her panties down her legs and then kicked them off. Spike started down on top of her, but she rolled away. "Not like that," she told him, sitting up. Spike raised an eyebrow, and Buffy turned, positioning herself on her hands and knees. "Like this." She turned her head to look at him and winked.

Spike wasted no time in ripping off his jeans and joining Buffy in the bed. "Do you have any idea what you do to me, Buffy?" Spike asked, settling on his knees behind her and positioning himself at her entrance.

"I'm hoping I make you want to fuck me," Buffy said, pushing back so he was inside her.

"That's part of it," Spike said with a groan, sliding in and out of her slowly.

Buffy bit her bottom lip. It wasn't enough. She didn't want gentle. She wanted wild. She wanted passion like she'd been missing out on for five years of marriage. She wrapped her hand around the cast iron bars of the headboard, pushing herself against him. "Harder, Spike. Make me really feel it."

Spike knew he'd never be able to deny this woman anything. He gave her want she wanted, listening to her moan, feeling her clamp down around him as he brought her to higher and higher planes of ecstasy.

Hours later, Buffy lay in Spike's arms, a small smile playing across her lips. "I take it you enjoyed that, pet," Spike said, kissing her hair.

Buffy chuckled. "What gave you that idea?"

"Oh god, Spike, do it more! Harder!" Spike said in falsetto. He smirked at her. "Something like that clued me in."

"If I had any strength in my limbs whatsoever, I'd smack you right now."

"Save it for later, and you can smack me around all you want," Spike said, wagging his eyebrows.

Buffy laughed. "You promise?"

"Only if you let me return the favor."

"Mmm. I think I like the idea of us and kinky."

Spike gave her a little squeeze. "Me, too."

"Although right now, I like the idea of us and sleeping," Buffy said, closing her eyes. "You wore me out."

"You did a little wearing out yourself, Buffy," Spike replied. "So I guess you're sleeping here tonight."

Buffy's eyes opened, and she looked up at him. "Is that okay?"

"Of course. I just thought you might want to go home." Spike added quickly. "But I like you here. Right here."

"I couldn't sleep in the bed I share with…I couldn't sleep in that bed tonight."

Spike nodded. "I understand. Good night, Buffy."

"Good night, Spike."

Spike held her close wishing that this was all as real as it felt when she was in his arms.

*** *** ***

Buffy was the first to wake the next morning. Spike was sleeping peacefully beside her, the sheet draped casually over his lower half, giving her a teasing glimpse of his hip. Buffy took a moment to just take him in. He was like a Greek statue come to life—her own personal Adonis. She felt giddy at the thought, tracing the well-defined muscles of his abdomen with her finger.

Suddenly, Spike reached up and grabbed her hand, making Buffy gasp. "That tickles, pet."

"Sorry, I was just…" She smiled. "I was just admiring the view."

"Oh? Like what you see?"

"Yes."

"So do I," Spike replied, pushing her hair away from her face. "As a matter of fact, you look good enough to eat." He started to move down, but Buffy took hold of his shoulder, stopping him.

"You don't have to do that."

"I know I don't have to," Spike said. "But I want to."

"Really, it's okay. I don't like it anyway."

Spike propped himself up on his elbow, raising an eyebrow at her. "You don't like that? How can you not like that?"

"I just don't," Buffy replied.

"Have you ever had it?"

"Yes. It wasn't all it's cracked up to be."

"Ah. You've never had it done properly."

"What's 'proper' about it?"

Spike gave her a grin. "Nothing, baby. That's part of the fun. Come on, let me show you how good it can be."

Buffy sighed. "Fine. But I'm telling you, it's just not my thing."

"Uh huh. Tell me that after I'm done." Spike positioned himself between her legs, lifting them up so they rested on his shoulders. He could feel Buffy's whole body tense with nervousness. "Relax, kitten," he said, rubbing his finger up and down over her. "I won't bite…hard."

Buffy let out a deep breath, her hands resting by her side. She felt the first swipe of Spike's tongue, and her whole body jerked. He lapped at her gently at first, then with increasing pressure. When he began to flick her clit back and forth with the tip of his tongue, Buffy's hands clenched, wadding the sheets in her fists.

Spike smirked against her as he heard her whimpers and gasps. When he took her clit into his mouth and sucked she cried out, bucking her hips. Spike gently grazed her flesh with his teeth, and Buffy let out a choked sob. Spike pulled away suddenly, putting her legs down and rocking back onto his knees.

Buffy's eyes flew open. "Wha…why…Go back!" she said, desperate for the pleasure to continue.

"But you don't like it. It's not your 'thing,'" Spike replied.

"I was wrong! I was so wrong and bad to ever doubt your greatness, now get back down there!"

Spike chuckled. "As you wish, my lady." Spike settled back down, pushing his tongue inside her. Buffy moaned, thrusting her hips. Spike moved back to her clit again, licking it hard as he slipped three fingers inside her. Buffy screamed this time, digging her fingers into his hair hard enough to hurt. Spike smiled with pride, knowing she was lost in pleasure, and he was the one doing it to her.

When she came, she squeezed him between her thighs, but Spike was relentless, not stopping until every aftershock had charged through her body. Buffy flopped back on the bed, her arms and legs nothing but deadweight. Spike slid back up, leaving a trail of wet kisses on her body as he did. "Seems like you do like that after all, pet," Spike said, tugging on her earlobe with his teeth.

"Apparently," Buffy said, surprised she could actually talk.

Spike pushed his erection against her leg. "Did things for me, too."

"I…I can't."

"Sure you can," Spike said, nibbling at her neck.

Buffy sighed. She knew she was too satiated to get anything out of it herself, but she decided after what he just did for her, it was the least she could do. "Fine."

Spike slid inside her in one thrust, the pressure making her over-stimulated body tremble. Spike moved slowly, pulling out almost completely before inching back in. To her surprise and delight, Buffy found herself spiraling higher again, Spike's body bringing hers to places she never knew she could go. When she came this time, the stars exploded behind her eyes and then she felt nothing.

Buffy opened her eyes again a few minutes, looking up at Spike who was now perched on his elbow, watching her. "What happened?" she asked groggily.

"You blacked out," Spike said with a distinct tone of smugness.

"I guess you're proud of yourself."

Spike's smile grew. "I think I have every reason to be." He kissed her quickly before sitting up. "Come on, kitten. I'm starved. Let's go out and get some breakfast."

"But, I…I want to stay in bed." Buffy pouted.

"More bed later. Sustenance now. Gotta keep the energy levels up, you know." Spike grabbed her arms, pulling her out of bed.

"Fine," Buffy grumbled. "But you just keep in mind that the lack of bedness is totally your fault."

"I will. Now let's take a shower. I'm sure we could both use it."

Buffy perked up at that. She was a little surprised at how quickly she'd recovered from their last round, but the idea of wet, naked Spike was just too yummy for her to pass up. "Shower it is," she said, following him into the bathroom.

*** *** ***

By the time they actually managed to get out of the house, it was well past breakfast time and now firmly into lunch—and a late one at that. Spike and Buffy went to a restaurant on the other side of town, hoping they wouldn't be noticed.

Buffy should've known she wouldn't be so lucky. She and Spike had just started eating when she heard a familiar voice calling her name. She closed her eyes and swore under her breath. "Buffy! What are you doing on this side of town?"

Buffy smiled as best she could. "Willow! I could ask the same of you."

"Tara and I were checking out a book store over here." Willow squeezed the other girl's hand. "And who's this guy your having lunch with who isn't Riley?"

"I'm her neighbor, William," Spike said. "Your friends of Buffy's?"

Willow nodded, looking at Spike with suspicion. "Yes."

"Isn't this funny, Buffy? First you run into me out here, and then them? Guess this is an even smaller town than we thought," Spike said.

Buffy gave Spike a quick, grateful look. "I know, what are the odds?"

Willow smiled, obviously taking the excuse as it stood. Tara frowned a little, but said nothing. "So your Buffy's neighbor?" Willow asked, turning to Spike.

"Yeah. Have been ever since the Finns moved in."

Buffy winced at the mention of "the Finns." She didn't like thinking of her husband when she was with Spike. She wanted to separate those parts of life. "William's a novelist," Buffy said, trying to make conversation that wouldn't be uncomfortable.

Willow looked impressed. "Are you published?"

"Last book made the New York Times Bestseller list."

"I didn't know we had any famous authors here in Sunnydale."

Spike chuckled. "I'm not that famous. Sort of, um, a recluse." Buffy rolled her eyes.

"Oh," Willow said with a nod. "I got it."

"Let's go sit down," Tara said, giving both Buffy and Spike a glance. "I'm hungry."

"Okay," Willow replied. "Good seeing you Buffy. And meeting you, William."

"You, too," Spike replied. He smiled at Tara. "Both of you."

Tara nodded, looking down a little. "You, too."

"Call me later," Willow said to Buffy before she and Tara went to their table on the other side of the restaurant.

"I think the quiet one suspects something," Spike said after they were alone again.

"Tara? She's always shy. Well, until she gets to know you. She's really nice. Willow's lucky to have her. And she's lucky to have Willow, too." Buffy stopped, realizing she was babbling.

Spike could see how uncomfortable Buffy was. "Do you want to leave?"

Buffy shook her head, but didn't look up at him. "No. I want to finish eating."

They ate the rest of the meal in silence.

*** *** ***

Spike glanced over at Buffy as they drove back home. She'd barely said anything to him at all since they'd run into her friends, and Spike couldn't help but worry that that one thing had killed whatever it was they were starting here. "Are you okay, Buffy?"

"I had to lie to my best friend," Buffy replied so softly Spike almost didn't hear her.

"I'm sorry. We can be more careful…"

"What, go out in disguise?" Buffy snapped. "Maybe we can wear big hats and fake mustaches."

Spike flinched. "We just won't go out anymore. Won't take any chances."

"I'm not sure I can do this," Buffy said. "I thought I could, but seeing Willow…it just made it all too real."

"What? Last night, this morning, that wasn't real?"

"No. Maybe." Buffy sighed. "I don't know."

"What do you want, Buffy?"

"I don't know!" Spike pulled the car onto their street. "I'm just going to go back to my house."

Spike's jaw tightened. "Yeah." He knew it would end like this, but it didn't make it any less painful. After just a day with her, he'd already started falling hard. She did things to him that no woman ever had before, making him feel things he hadn't even known were possible. But she wasn't his, and it couldn't last.

Spike pulled up in her driveway, and Buffy all but ran out of the car. She didn't say anything to him, and Spike didn't call out to her. He just backed away and drove to his own house. As soon as Spike got inside, he went straight for the liquor cabinet, not bothering with a glass as he took a drink from the bottle. He didn't want to think, didn't want to keep kicking himself for doing this in the first place. He knew being with Buffy would be nothing but heartache for both of them, but he'd jumped into it anyway.

"Your…your door wasn't locked. I…I didn't think you'd mind if I just came in."

Spike turned, putting the bottle down. "Buffy?"

Buffy ran to him, falling against his chest and crying. "I don't know what to do, Spike. I tried to go home, but I couldn't. Why can't I stop this?"

Spike held her close, feeling his own eyes grow damp. "I don't know, pet. I can't stop either."

Buffy looked up at him, her pain and confusion evident in her eyes. She grabbed his face, kissing him hard. The rational part of Spike's brain told him to walk away now before this spiraled down any further, but he couldn't. In such a short time, he'd come to crave her.

Spike held Buffy close to him, deciding to enjoy what time he had with her before it all came crashing down around them.

*** *** ***

Well, that chapter wasn't quite as evil as the last one, and it was longer. Leave reviews and I'll get to work on chapter five!





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