“You’re not wrong, Buffy. You’re not,” she whispered to herself before she stepped into the living room. Immediately, Xander and Willow turned to look at her, their expressions grave.
“Oh, good, you’re home,” Willow said with overplayed chipperness. “Xander and I have been waiting for you.” She patted the spot beside her on the couch. “Why don’t you have a seat?”
“Actually, I’d prefer to stand,” Buffy replied, her arms folded over her chest. “Just go ahead and say what’s on your mind and get it over with. I need to patrol tonight, ‘cause Manny Cooper’s obit – way suspicious.”
Willow and Xander shared a look that struck Buffy as very absurd. The more she thought about it, this whole “intervention” habit of theirs bordered on farcical. They treated her like a self-destructive drug addict whenever she didn’t come away from a difficult situation all smiles or she had a relationship they didn’t approve of?
What a bloody joke…
Buffy had to suppress a grin as she noticed her own inner voice was starting to sound like Spike.
“I realize that you’ve got to patrol,” Willow began, “but this is important.”
“More important than Manny rising from his grave and feasting on the citizens of Sunnydale? Because I was under the impression that that was pretty damn important,” Buffy replied.
Willow and Xander shared another look, then Xander cleared his throat. “This is important, Buff. Willow told me about the…heated conversation the two of you had the other night, and…”
“And what? You think she should stop blaming everyone else for her mistakes and stop freeloading, too? No, wait, that can’t be it. It’s much more fun if everyone just gangs up on Buffy.”
“This isn’t about ‘ganging up’ on anyone!” Willow protested. “This is about helping you.”
“Yeah, Buffy. We want you to be happy. We’re your friends, remember?”
Buffy snorted. “Yeah, okay. Whatever.”
“We know you’re upset about how you had to come back, Buffy, but…”
Buffy cut Willow off. “I didn’t have to come back. You twisted the forces of nature to bring me back. There’s a difference. But this isn’t about that. It’s about me being sick of having two complete hypocrites judging what I do all the time.”
“That’s a bit harsh, Buffy,” Xander snapped.
“No, it really isn’t. The two of you fuck up royally constantly and think you can just shrug your shoulders and say ‘oops’ and it’s all okay. But me – I don’t follow your little rules of how you think I should behave and there’s something wrong with me!”
“There is something wrong with you!” Willow yelled. However, at Buffy’s arched eyebrow, she cleared her throat and said more calmly. “Well, not wrong with you. You’re just not…acting like yourself.”
“Yeah,” Xander chimed in. “I mean, Willow said you were talking like Spike was something other than, well, Spike. Like he was your special patrol buddy. That…that isn’t true, is it, Buffy?”
“No, Xander, Spike is not my ‘special patrol buddy,’” she replied, with sarcastic air quotes.
“Oh, thank god,” Xander said. His relief, however, was dead a moment later when Buffy spoke again.
“He’s my lover.”
Willow and Xander’s synchronized, shocked “What?!” would’ve made Buffy laugh if she hadn’t been so angry.
“I’m pretty sure you heard me. Spike’s my lover. As in we’re having sex. You know, where two people…”
Xander snapped out of his stupor to hold up his hand. “We get the picture. No need to draw a verbal diagram.”
“Buffy, I know you’re going through a difficult time in your life, but turning to Spike for comfort isn’t…”
“Oh god, Willow, would you just shut up?” Buffy snapped, shock alone making the redhead’s mouth close. “This isn’t open for debate. I’m with Spike, and that’s all there is to say on the matter. You’re either okay with it or… Well, if you’re not, you know where the door is.”
“How…how can you say that?” Willow asked. “You…you’d actually choose Spike over us?”
“Let me see – would I choose the person who loves me unconditionally and would support me no matter what over the people who judge me constantly and try to control me? Yeah, I really think I would.”
“Buffy, this is insane! Would you listen to yourself?” Xander shouted. “You’re standing here talking about being with Spike like it’s not sick and disgusting!”
“That’s because it’s not. You have no idea what goes on behind closed doors with me and Spike. No idea at all – and no right to make any judgments about it. And hey, some people might say the same thing about you and Anya.”
“I love her,” Xander snapped defensively.
“Yeah, well, I love Spike. Get over it.”
“Buffy, you may think you love Spike, but…”
That was the last straw for Buffy. She’d had enough of their judgments, and she certainly wasn’t going to keep trying to defend her relationship with Spike to them. “You know what, Willow, I want you out of my house. I want you out of my mother’s room. You moved in here while I was dead, took over the master bedroom, and now what? You can’t even chip in with the bills? Do you even know what the mortgage is? No? Get out.”
“You…you can’t throw me out!” Willow said, her eyes wide. “I’m your best friend!”
“You’re a freeloader,” Buffy said, speaking very slowly as if she were talking to a child. “You took over my house when I wasn’t here, and now you go hang out with your crazy friends and get my little sister hurt. You can leave.”
“You can’t do this to Willow,” Xander said, his face turning red with anger. “And the Buffy I know wouldn’t even want to. What has Spike done to you?”
“Okay, you can really leave. Seriously. You’re not even squatting here.”
“Buffy…” Willow protested.
“Get out of my house! Both of you! I’ve…I’ve had enough. This is my home, and I don’t want to have to live here with either of you breathing down my neck. So since neither of you can actually be my friends and see anything beyond the tip of your own noses, I just want you gone. I can’t deal with this anymore.”
“I don’t understand why you’re saying these things, Buffy,” Willow said, her eyes full of tears.
“No, of course you don’t. And really, if you don’t get it, I don’t know how to explain it. I don’t even want to try. I just can’t do this anymore. I’m sick of being depressed all the time. I’m sick of feeling like I have to please people who can never accept me for who I am. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t. And unless the two of you learn what it means to be real friends, then I just want you gone.”
“Buffy, would you listen to yourself!” Xander yelled. “You’re accusing the only two people who have stuck by you through all of your problems of being out to get you!”
“I never said you were ‘out to get me.’ I said you’re judgmental and controlling. And as far as being the only people who have stuck by me? Funny, I don’t see running around in some bizarre psychedelic, magic fog and summoning a demon from the Broadway Hell as ‘sticking by me.’ It just manages to fuck my life up a little bit more.”
Both Willow and Xander started to protest at the same time, but Buffy held out her hand and spoke over them. “I don’t want to hear it. I’m sick of this. I’m sick of the two of you acting like children – and stupid children at that – and then expecting me to bail you out. Both of you have recently endangered the life of my sister. She’s got her arm in a sling and has to deal with the trauma of almost being taken to hell to be a demon’s bride. Like she hasn’t been through enough already? And all you do is apologize and act like that’s supposed to make it all better, but seeing as you both continue to act like morons, I’m really not seeing the remorse here.
“The bottom line is that I’m sick of playing these stupid games and I’m sick of always having to pretend that everything’s just a-okay. It’s not. It hasn’t been for a very long time, and I don’t think it’s going to get any better if something doesn’t change. I can’t keep worrying if I’m pleasing everyone else or what someone’s going to think of me whenever I make a choice about my personal life. I’ve been doing it for years, and it’s exhausting. I just want to be happy, and I don’t want to feel alone all the time. I can’t do it anymore.”
“We don’t want you to be alone, Buffy,” Willow protested. “But we don’t think turning to Spike is a very healthy thing to do.”
“And I don’t care what you think. You don’t know him. Neither of you do. And you don’t know what things are like between us. You don’t know how good Spike’s been to me these past few months. You have no idea how supportive he’s been or how much strength he’s given me. You don’t know.”
Xander sneered at Buffy. “Please. You really think Spike cares about you? If he’s acting like he’s your friend, Buffy, it’s only because he’s trying to get into your pants.”
Buffy turned and focused her gaze on Xander, the look in her eyes actually making him shrink back in his seat. “Don’t you dare give me that crap, Xander Harris. You know as well as I do why you’ve stayed around me as long as you have and how petty you can be when it comes to me choosing another man over you. I know you’re jealous. I know it pisses you off to know I’d rather be with a vampire than you. And if anyone has ever pretended to care about me as a friend to try to get into my pants, it’s you – not Spike.”
“That isn’t true! I mean yeah, I may have had a crush on your back in high school, but that was a long time ago. I’m with Anya now.”
“Look me in the eye and tell me you wouldn’t dump her if you had a shot with me. Tell me with complete honesty that at least part of the reason you’re still here is because you’re hoping someday you’ll find your in.”
Xander opened his mouth, but closed it again after a moment of saying nothing. Buffy’s eyes were boring into his, daring him to tell her anything less than the truth. He squirmed underneath her intense stare until finally, he jumped to his feet.
“Fine. If you’d rather fuck some vampire than remember who your friends are, well… There’s nothing more I can do to help you, Buffy.”
“No, Xander, there’s not,” Buffy replied, her tone even despite the anger that was threatening to overtake her. She refused to get hysterical or lose control of herself. She knew what she was doing was the best thing for her to do at this point, and whether or not the two of them understood her decision didn’t matter. She pointed towards the door. “You can see yourself out.”
As Xander stormed past her, Buffy turned her attention back to Willow. “You’ve got a week to get your things out of my mother’s bedroom.”
Willow started to respond, but before she could, a commotion on the front porch caught both of their attention. Buffy turned quickly, her heart jumping as she realized her mistake in sending Xander through the front door.
She ran towards the porch, letting out a yell when she saw Spike on the ground, Xander holding him down as he punched him repeatedly, snarling vile epithets at the vampire as he did. Spike was attempting to defend himself the best he could, but with the chip, he wasn’t able to do much more than hold his arms in front of him.
“Xander, stop!” Buffy yelled. “Stop hurting him!”
Xander ignored her, his attack continuing. Buffy moved then, grabbing Xander’s arm as he brought it back to deliver another blow and pulled him away from Spike. She’d held back, however, resisting using her full Slayer strength, hoping it wouldn’t be necessary. She wanted to diffuse the situation – not hurt Xander, as angry as he was making her. Buffy knew that her abilities often made her too strong when it came to fighting humans.
However, Xander wasn’t willing to take the same care with her. He pushed her back, sending Buffy stumbling down the stairs. Spike roared as he watched her fall, all thoughts of the chip pushed out of his mind as he struck, hitting Xander in the face, feeling bone smash beneath his fist as his own head erupted into excruciating pain.
Spike fell back to the ground, clutching his head. Xander touched his face, saw blood on his hand, and charged Spike again, this time kicking the vampire repeatedly as he struggled to get to his feet.
From the doorway, Willow yelled at them to stop. Neither man listened.
Buffy pulled herself up to her feet and brushed herself off. The fall hadn’t hurt her, but it had served to royally piss her off. She started back towards Xander, ready to do whatever it took to get him off her boyfriend – even if it meant using Slayer strength.
She didn’t have to. Suddenly someone ran past her, attacking Xander and making him stumble away from Spike. It took Buffy a moment to realize who it was.
Dawn. She used her good arm to wield her purse, beating Xander down to his knees.
A moment later, Buffy heard someone behind her yell out a word she didn’t understand. Xander froze, clearly unable to move. Dawn stepped back and wiped her brow.
Buffy turned around and saw Tara standing in the walkway. She blew a strand of hair out of her face. “Hi, Buffy. How are things going?”
“Oh, all fine and dandy,” Buffy replied with sarcasm, though she flashed the other woman a grateful smile. Tara smiled back.
“Buffy, are you all right?” Spike asked from the porch, still clutching his head, though the chip seemed to have stopped firing.
Buffy ran up the stairs, past a still-immobile Xander, and knelt down beside Spike. “I’m fine. I’ve taken way worse falls than that. Are you okay? You’re bleeding, honey.”
“I’m fine, luv. Harris punches like the loser he is,” Spike grumbled, though his face was already starting to show signs of bruising.
Buffy didn’t know what to say. Seeing Xander attacking Spike had terrified her, and her heart was still pounding now. She threw her arms around him, and Spike held her, whispering soothing words against her ear as he tried to calm her down.
“Well, that explains it,” Dawn said after a moment. “I take it Xander figured out you two are together.”
Buffy looked up at her sister then turned her head quickly towards Tara. “Did you…”
Tara held up her hands. “I didn’t say a thing.”
“Please, Buffy, I’m not totally clueless,” Dawn said with a roll of her eyes. “I found your panties stuck in the pillows of the couch. I mean, I’m totally scarred for life now from that, but it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out how they got there – you’ve only really been around one guy since you got back.”
“Tara?” Willow said softly from the doorway, reminding the group she was even there. “What’s going on? And what did you do to Xander?”
“Stopped him from hurting Dawn, Spike, or Buffy,” Tara replied, her tone towards her ex-girlfriend cold. “He’ll be fine in a couple of minutes, and hopefully then, he’ll have calmed down.”
“Tara took me to get dinner,” Dawn supplied. “I left a note…”
“I didn’t think you’d mind, Buffy,” Tara said. “I didn’t expect to come back to this.”
“No, I don’t mind,” Buffy replied, pulling back from Spike some, though she kept her hand on his shoulder. “And I didn’t quite expect this myself.”
Willow looked back and forth between Buffy and Tara, realizing quickly she was missing some of the pieces. “Did you know about Spike and Buffy?” she asked Tara, hurt in her voice.
Tara turned back towards Willow and replied coolly, “It’s none of your business, Willow.”
Tara’s non-answer still gave Willow the answer she wanted. She stepped out of the doorway and onto the porch. “How…how could the two of you sneak around my back and keep this from me?”
“Because it wasn’t about you,” Tara snapped. “It was about Buffy needing someone to be there for her and be a friend – something I don’t even think you know how to do.” The image of Buffy as she’d been the night before, so desperate just to have someone look at her and tell her she wasn’t somehow inherently wrong was still fresh in Tara’s mind, and she knew who bore a large part of the blame for Buffy reaching that point. “You always want to push your will and your opinion on everyone, Willow, and that’s not how you support someone. That’s not how you show them you love them. That’s how you show them you only love yourself.”
Willow looked at the three other women standing in front of her and didn’t see an ounce of sympathy for her in any of their eyes.
Instead, Buffy turned from her and helped Spike to his feet. “Come on, baby. Let’s get you inside and fixed up. Are you staying for a bit, Tara?”
Tara looked between Dawn and Buffy. “Yeah.”
Dawn, Buffy, and Spike went inside the house with Tara trailing behind. When she got to the door, she turned and looked at Willow. “Xander will snap out of it in a few minutes. You should probably make sure he gets home.”
With that, she shut the door.
Willow stood beside Xander and waited.
Please excuse any typos – blame the fever I had while editing this.
Reviews would be lovely.