ok, so I imagine the first thing that most of you thought when you saw the subject line was either: where the fuck have you been, you evil bitch? Or maybe, dude, long time no see. Or even omg fic fic fic fic fic??? Or most likely, wtf is That Hole in Your Life? Because it’s been so long since I’ve posted to it, I figure you’ve probably forgotten.
Before you hate me too hard, lemme give you a little context. I’m being treated for a relatively serious bout of depression, and I started vet school in August, which is an 80-hour a week job (no joke) and one that I feel a lot of days I’m not doing very well at. I had writer’s block on this fic for 6 months. It probably seemed like I got stuck due to where I left it, but actually I’ve had, for a long time, a specific vision of where this was going and when it was gonna get there. Since I last posted, my beta and I have worked out a very specific outline for the fic. The problem was that I was in such a bad place that even the thought of trying to write something so angsty and emotionally intense was…it was just too much. So ironically, I wrote a lot of fluff, in other pairings since I’m primarily a slasher, actually. I have 3 or 4 other wips besides this one, and this is by far the hardest to write. Moreover, I think it’s the one that needs the most…precision. I’m walking a tightrope with this fic, and if I don’t get it right, I’ll lose you on it. those of you that were still with me, that is. Haha. I angst over this fic a lot, so it takes longer to produce, if I want to do it right.
So, I need to know your preference on something. And before you are tempted to say OMG MORE FIC NOW PLEASE (as we are all want to do because we’re greedy bitches when it comes to fic we enjoy), please think about it. lol.
It is going to be a while before I can post regularly to this fic. like, a while in terms of *months*. I’ve been working on it, but for a variety of reasons, I want to complete the entire fic before I post the rest of it…the biggest one being that I think it will benefit from the ability to make adjustments in chapters 10 through the epilogue in order to make Spike and Buffy’s emotional journeys solid and believable. The second half really can't be done as a wip, and unfortunately I didn't have the foresight to realize that when I started the fic. course, when I started the fic I thought it was going to be an emotionally uncomplicated, kinky pwp. In a pig's eye. It’s obviously morphed into a whole different creature since then, and I can’t say I’m sorry, because there’s something special about it.
that said, the thing I feel most guilty about with that fic is that chapter 8 was a *horrible* place to leave it. awful. particularly for spuffy-only shippers. Although I fall far from being in that category, I sympathize that for some of you, having Buffy leave with Angel on bad terms with Spike is like...purgatory. utter hell. especially since I know a lot of people can't imagine how the hell this thing is going to work out, even if I have a very clear direction in my own head.
so here's what I have to ask you to consider. chapter 9 fixes things a bit. it's a turning point, and a much better place to let the fic sit, had it been written in July. I could theoretically post it pretty soon, though it has yet to go through beta, and she's really busy lately. but within a couple weeks for sure (hey for me lately, that's "pretty soon"), I could get it to you. the reason I *haven't* is because I figured it was better to let a sleeping dog lie, so to speak, than to wake it back up again and knock it out.
in other words, my muse gets nervous with the poking (no really…people nudge and I get constipated…err…not literally), and I'm reluctant to remind people this story exists and then upset them all over again by putting it on hiatus until the fic is over. in some ways I feel like that would be such an unfair tease...get the juices flowing and then nada more. but if I were a reader of this story, I would hate the fact that the writer left it where it is. this fic is gonna be a rollercoaster till the end, but at least in chapter 9, you're not dangling at the top of the hill waiting to fall, know what I mean?
now that I've made you dizzy with metaphors, I need your opinion, considering my dilemma here. I was going to make it a survey, but requiring you to write things out might avoid the knee-jerk postitpostitpostit response that we are *all* prone to, cuz...we want what we want and we want it now.
So. Is it better for you to let it lie and wait for the whole thing until whenever I might finish it, left in the dark about what happens after chapter 8, or is it better to get chapter 9, feel itchy that there won’t be more for who knows how long, but get a little relief and vindication?
The other thing I would like to say is that a large part of why I’m putting this up for discussion is that lately this fic has been nom’d all over the place at spuffy awards sites. I believe it’s someone on SR because that’s where the anonymous little fairy godmother(s?) links back to, as opposed to my lj. To whoever has done this, I want you to know that I’m really, deeply touched. I know that this is not typical spuffy fare, and it’s a story that seems like a very risky proposition, and on top of that, it’s been “abandoned” for six months at a very evil place. So I want to thank you for the following nominations:
June 2006 (round 15, nom best pwp, nom best fantasy)
December 2006 (round 18 (?), nom best wip, best angst, best fantasy and best plot categories)
July 2006 (round 2, nom'd sensual award)
October 2006 (round 7, nom'd for the big bad and extremity awards)
October 2006 (round 1, nom'd for best wip, best spike characterization, best fantasy fic, best new author)
Jan 2007 (round 2, nom'd for best author, best angst, best spike characterization, best
fantasy)
Jan 2007 (nom'd best angst, best characterization, best NC-17, best plot, best unfinished)
Jan 2007 (round 11, nom'd sexiest fic, best wip, best AU, and best author)
The fic also won a little something over at the lj community forbiddenawards, which I was so pleased about. The coolest thing over there is that they do a little blurb explaining why the fic was chosen.
Porntastic Smutfest to Win? You betcha! Especially when it is written so wonderfully, chalk full of witt and charm. Mel breathes life into these characters, so much so, that we feel we should frown at Mr. Spike Turner for taking advantage of a young impressionable Buffy, but all we want is more, more, more. Oh yes! More!