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Chapter 21: Love and Tears

The room was filled with flickering lights. On every surface there were candles of all different shapes and sizes. Her mouth formed a perfectly formed ‘O’ as she stepped through the threshold. Spike was standing in back of the bed holding two champagne glasses. He was dressed in a dark blue suit with a white shirt and blue tie. He stepped towards her and extended his hand. She took the offered drink and looked around the room. “You didn’t have to do this.” She whispered.

“For my lady, I’d do anything.” He mumbled as she avoided his eyes.

“I don’t deserve this.” She finally settled her eyes on his, tears in her eyes.

Spike nodded, “Yes, you do, my love, and I want to give it to you.”

“Oh, Spike, I’m so sorry. I was so terri… ” He cut off her apology with a swoop of his mouth. His tongue took advantage of her slightly parted lips and delved deep into her mouth. He took the glass from her hands and managed to set it down on the closest surface, the dresser. She brought her arms up to his shoulders and wound them around his neck, deepening the kiss. She put her emotions and apology into the kiss. Spike took her emotions and gave her his as his tongue and lips caressed hers. His hands came down to rest on her hips as they stood there pouring their hearts out to each other with just a kiss.

Air became necessary for Buffy and she pulled her mouth away from his. She peppered little light kisses along his jaw and to his ear. Spike licked his way towards her neck and nuzzled the sensitive skin around her ear. He moved his hands to pull her tighter against his erection and closer to him. Suddenly Buffy pulled away, embarrassed that she was still sweaty and clad in her workout outfit. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

Her eyes were cast down and she fidgeted with imaginary lint on her shorts. She avoided his eyes again and stepped back. He brought his hand to her chin and gently tugged on it to bring her face up to his. “What’s wrong, kitten?” She diverted her eyes once more and tried to take a step back. “Baby, don’t do this. Talk to me.” Her body started to shake with embarrassment as she closed her eyes. “Buffy, what’s going on?” Tears started to leak from her eyes. He brought himself up next to her as he tried to sooth her. “Please, baby, you are scaring me. What’s wrong?” He was frantic with worry as her body convulsed with tremors. At least she didn’t step back again and let him hold her. Her body tremors were so strong; they started to rip through his body, too. They were in danger of falling to the floor. “Baby?”

He bent down and swooped up her legs as he held her shoulders. He carried her small body towards the bed, so they would be more comfortable. He sat down in the middle of the bed and settled her in his lap. The tears were streaming down her face, like a waterfall. He reached for one of the pillows and put it behind his back as he started to rock her convulsing body. He held on to her, whispering soothing, loving words into her hair as her emotions racked her body. Her eyes were still closed, but she held on to the front of his shirt like it was a lifeline. He caressed her back and shoulders, rocking them gently. It was obvious that she needed to cry, let the pent up emotions out. When she came back from heaven all those years ago, she refused to let him do this for her. She had kept all her emotions bottled up so no one could hurt her. Spike thanked whatever higher being that allowed her to heal from that traumatic experience and allowed her to freely live with her emotions like she was doing. The tears slowed and the tremors reduced their intensity. Her arms crept up around his neck again as she buried her face in his shoulder. She turned her body towards his, as she got more comfortable in his embrace. He kept rocking their entwined bodies and whispered soothing words as she came back into reality. She sniffed as he reached around to the nightstand to grab the tissue box. He took one out and started to blot her face dry. She took it and carefully wiped her nose. Her red, puffy eyes looked up into his kind, loving eyes as the last tremor ripped through her body. She took a deep breath and relaxed into his embrace. He continued to hold her as her body finally regained its composure.

“Th-thank you, Spike. I don’t deserve it, but thank you.” She moved to get up from his lap. All too aware that he was waiting for an explanation.

“Luv, yes you do. You deserve the sun, the moon and stars, diamonds and emeralds. You deserve everything and more some. Baby, please tell me, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” She diverted her eyes once more. “Everything.” He nodded, finally understanding her frustration. He brought his hand back under her shin and made her eyes look at him again.

“Baby, I understand. A little overwhelmed, huh?” She nodded. “Friends not as friendly anymore?” Another short nod. “Afraid I am going to leave you?” He put the last one in to see how she would react. She shook her head ‘no’ vehemently and squeezed her arms tighter around his neck.

“Oh dear, look what I did. Cried all over your nice suit. I’m sorry, honey.” She tried to change the subject.

“No big deal, baby. Want to talk about it?” He wasn’t letting her off the subject so easily. They needed to talk it out so it didn’t happen again.

“Let me go, please?” She wiggled around trying to pry herself out of his embrace.

“I’d rather not, kitten. I need to feel you right now.” She stopped struggling. “So what brought this on?”

“It. it’s silly.” She ducked her head down, staring at her lap. He followed her gaze and held tighter, waiting for her to continue. “I-I… um… should go take a shower.” He continued his hold, not willing to let go of the beautiful creature in his arms. “Spike, please… it’s stupid.” He shook his head, demanding the truth from her. “I ruined your suit, ok?” He shook his head again. “Please, Spike, let me go take a shower.” He shook it again as her mouth started its pout. “Fine. I came in here all sweaty and icky and here you stand all clean and polished. I got you all yucky.” He recognized her voice as the truth voice.

“Kitten, you did no such thing. Point in fact, you came in all glowy and sexy and I am not worthy to be sitting here with you.” He petted her back as she started to open up. She lifted her head and looked at him.

“It’s not just that. I don’t know. Everyone seems to hate me. My decisions. Everything. Spike, I want you to know, no matter what, I love you.” He nodded in understanding. “Never let me go?” He nodded again in agreement and moved his head to capture her lips. She shifted out of his lap, onto the bed. He followed her lips, not breaking contact. She lay down and he followed. His hands moved to her breasts as he started to massage them. She moaned deep in her throat as his hand slipped up her top to find her bare breasts. She moved to remove his tie, but he stilled her hands.

She looked up questioning. “I’ve got plans for you that don’t include the tie, baby. Well, actually later… that involves the tie.” She blushed. “But right now? Need you to go and get ready. You’ve got a date.” She smiled at him as he let her go. Buffy made her way into the bathroom.





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