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Chapter 20: Convinced
A/N: I have chosen to omit some “scenes” i.e. Spike and Buffy’s first conversation about her neck

With her eyes wide open, Buffy looked down. Willow was yelling something, but white noise surrounded Buffy. All she could see was the face of Spike staring up with his startlingly clear blue eyes. She saw his mouth move and some where in the back of her head she heard him speak his first words since she found him in the warehouse but her brain couldn’t process those syllables. She felt her spirit detach from her body, rising up, and looking down at the scene.

Xander, poor misguided Xander, was on the kitchen floor partially under the kitchen table. She saw his torn shirt soaked with his blood, it crawling through the fibers, spreading its red color everywhere. She saw that his arms were outstretched and not moving. Buffy watched Willow frantically try to stop his face from bleeding from the claw marks marring his skin. Willow pushed down on his wounds with any cloth she could get a hold of …bloodied dishcloths, napkins, and paper towels littered the floor. She looked over at Spike and her body. She watched as he looked up at her blank face. His fingers ran across her neck, surveying the damage he had done. Spike’s eyes teared up as he pressed his fingers against the puncture marks. The bruising now turned almost black with the force of his mating bite. She felt, rather than heard, him whimper in distress with his knowledge it was his bite. Spirit Buffy wanted to scream. She tried to order herself to go back into her body, but nothing seemed to work. Willow was at the front door, letting the EMS workers in to work on Xander. She saw the man and woman EMTs enter and look around. They noted Spike in a catatonic Buffy’s arms and then Xander. Immediately they started work on Xander. Willow walked over to Spike and said something; he shook his head. Quietly, Willow raised Buffy up with magic and helped Spike open the basement door and helped him take Buffy down the steps. It was weird to see herself float down the steps. She watched the EMTs work on closing Xander’s wounds. He looked so peaceful, so young. He resembled the Xander that he was in high school doing the Snoopy dance and eating hot dogs off a stick. She knew he had seen so many horrible things, experienced so many horrible things that he was never meant to see or do. She saw the boy from an abusive home that led such a normal life, the young man dating Cordelia, and the man marrying Anya. She saw the friend that would drop everything and come running when she needed him. She saw the protector looking out for Dawn. She saw the Xander that would come over just to talk, the man that ate all her sandwiches, the man that rented the whole Freddy Kruger series and insisted on a marathon in the living room when she was distraught over Riley. She saw the man that had a child. She saw him hold and coddle his little girl all the while telling his wife that she was beautiful. The EMTs were loading his body onto the stretcher, the straps and buckles being put in place. She saw the man that planned against her, the man who called the Watcher’s Council, the man that stepped out of the black sedan and walked calmly up to her house. Tears of friendship and understanding fled her eyes and ran down her non-existent face.

She felt it, felt her body calling her spirit back. She felt Spike’s arms hold her and Willow stand in the kitchen doorway, watching the EMTs and the basement. She felt the dark and damp air surround her as she struggled to consciousness. She felt the love and fear flow from Spike into herself. Opening her eyes, Buffy saw Spike and he saw her. Words didn’t have to pass, actions didn’t have to take place. They both knew that they had made it out of the nightmare.

~*~*~
Willow knocked on the backdoor the next day. Dawn opened the door and let Willow enter. Willow came in and looked around. Any evidence of the previous day had been erased. Buffy and Spike closely sat at the kitchen table, reading a newspaper together. Spike looked up as Willow sat on the opposite side. He wasn’t happy with Willow, but he had to give her a break because she did come through at the end. Not only did she warn Buffy about Xander and his grand plan, but she also saved him from killing Xander. Spike wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad, but he was grateful that he didn’t have to regret it. He gave her a nod and went back to reading with Buffy. Willow took the opportunity to study the two. She noticed Buffy’s neck was not as bruised as it had been yesterday, but the two puncture holes were still red and not healed. It almost looked like they had been opened again. Spike definitely looked better. His eyes didn’t look cloudy and confused. She noticed they sat very close to each other. Buffy finally looked up from the newspaper and noticed her. Willow suspected that Buffy ignored her on purpose, but decided to ignore that. Buffy had every right to ignore her presence. She put the paper down, and rested her hand on top of Spike’s on the table. “How’s…” her voice faltered, “how’s Xander?”

“Alive. He woke up this morning in a daze. He thinks he’s still in high school. He doesn’t remember the past few years.”

“Huh,” Buffy shrugged her shoulders and squeezed Spike’s hand.

“What about the wanker…watcher team? Are they still around?” Spike asked quietly. He looked over at Buffy and smiled a little.

“I don’t think so, Spike.” The three sat in the kitchen in silence. Willow could see that Spike and Buffy were even closer than ever. Their bodies seemed to move as one. She saw pure adoration shining through Buffy’s eyes towards Spike and amazement through Spike’s. Willow wondered about the first conversation they had regarding the bite marks, but it obviously went all right by the way they were sitting together.

~*~*~
Spike looked down at the beauty he called love. Buffy was cuddled up next to him in the basement. Dawn and her housemates came home earlier in the day, forcing the two to go down in the basement. Buffy didn’t want to explain the bite marks and bruising on the side of her neck and Spike just wanted to be around Buffy. Dawn collected spare blankets and pillows to make them more comfortable during the daylight hours. Spike sat down on the softened pallet and Buffy curled up in his lap. He held her close as she started to fall asleep. Her eyelashes fluttered as she dreamed. Spike took this time to study the wounds on her neck. Feeling guilty that it was him that hurt her Spike cried silently as he held her. He didn’t cry for the bite itself, but for the way it happened. He didn’t even remember it. Buffy woke up to a strange feeling, a feeling she hasn’t felt for a long time, guilt. With her eyes closed, she mentally thought over the past couple days looking for anything that would make her feel guilty. Xander’s situation? No, she definitely wasn’t feeling guilty over that. Xander was still alive, even though he didn’t remember the past 8 or so years. Willow? No guilt found there. Looking up, she saw Spike’s tear stained face and knew that it wasn’t her guilt she felt, but his. His tears told the story of love and loss. She reached up and ran her hand against his cheek. He opened his eyes and saw her watching him. Slowly, the tears stopped, not from relief of guilt, but the love and adoration that Buffy sent his way. He watched her carefully as she sat up and turned to face him. Sitting on her knees, Buffy gazed into Spike’s eyes intently.

“Baby, I just have one this to say: you have nothing to feel guilty about. I could have stopped it if I wanted to.” She ran her hand up and down his face, trying to comfort him.

After a couple of minutes, Spike replied, “How? How can you say that? Have you looked at your neck?”

Buffy shook her head, “This has nothing to do with my neck. We were intimate and the emotions we both were feeling led up to the claim.”

“But I wasn’t even there.”

“Yes, you were.”

“It was him, my sodding demon.”

“He’s part of you, I love you, all of you. When your human side was… well, your demon isn’t very different than your human side except he did a lot of grunting and growling. He understood me, loved me, and protected me. He did everything you would have done. Now, I admit he wasn’t as gentle as you are, but he still made sure I was alright.”

“But the bruises…” He brought his hand up to her neck and rubbed them.

“Will heal. Spike, I can’t change the past and neither can you. I know it wasn’t perfect, but it happened.”

“Buffy, I just… I wish I…”

“Spike, I wish you had too, but that’s not how it happened. Maybe the fates were saying to us that we were dragging our feet about it.”

“Maybe.”

“Any ways, it’s not like you didn’t reclaim me last night before Dawn got back.”

“Buffy…”

“No, you have claimed me you can’t take it back. I don’t want to hear you even think it, OK?”

“Can you hear me think?” He chuckled.

“I’m starting to. I got pretty good reading your demon self and predicting what he wanted. With the claim and being able to sense your emotions, I bet I can hear you think.”

“What am I thinking now?” Spike moved his hands to rest of her waist.

“That you want to shag me into oblivion.” She wound her hands around his neck.

“Oh, you CAN read my thoughts.” His tongue curled under his front teeth.

“Oh, not now, Spike. We need to go to the hotel for that!” She swatted his shoulder and sat back down into his embrace.

“Aw, pet.” Spike pouted. “Ok, how about that talk we keep dodging?”

She sat up, “Spike, I love you, you know that right?”

“Yeah,” he looked at her warily.

“Then that’s all we need to talk about.”

“Not true. Buffy, before… before Angelus got me, we weren’t doing too good.”

“True, but this isn’t the time or place to work on that.”

“OK, pet. Another thing that will wait.” Spike said. Thinking to himself, Spike was worried that this avoidance would be their downfall.

~*~*~
They arrived at Buffy’s hotel room shortly after sunset. Buffy went into the bathroom to freshen up since she spent the day in a cold damp basement. Spike took the opportunity to look around. He was impressed with the furnishings the hotel had to offer. It was quite upscale. Shaking his head, Spike thought this was the kind of place Buffy should have been in from the start.

Buffy came out of the bathroom in her workout clothes. No words passed between the two, but the intent was clear. Buffy needed to work out some frustrations before they talked.





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