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Demanding Answers

"You lied to me," she told him. "You said you found me on your own, but you didn't. I ASKED you if you hired a detective and you said no. Why couldn't you have just told me the truth?"

Spike tugged on his jeans. "I didn't want to scare you away by telling you
I'd come across the country to find you."

"Spike, in case you hadn't been able to tell, I'd already been freaked out
about the fact that I had an affair with you and didn't remember. I'm
thinking telling me that you'd hired a private detective wouldn't have
mattered all that much in the grand scheme of things," she said dryly.

He raised his eyebrows. "Really?"

She rolled her eyes up and to the side. "Okay, maybe a little then."

He started to reach for her again and sighed heavily when she stepped
away.

"However, it doesn't explain why you're investigating Lindsey!" she
exclaimed. "Are you nuts? Do you know what he'd do to you if he found
out?"

He studied her. "So that's the part you're mad about?"

"No, I'm just beginning. I'm beyond pissed that not only are you doing this
but you didn't have the decency to tell me!"

"I had to know what was going on! Angel and I—"

"Whoa! Back that bus up. ANGEL? As in my BROTHER Angel is in on this
too?"

He looked like a deer caught in the headlights. Then, seeming to give up, he
nodded and reached for his smokes on the dresser. If Buffy wasn't going to
let him touch her, then he needed a smoke to calm him rattling nerves.

"The both of you are unbelievable," she muttered. "Don't tell Buffy. Don't
tell poor Buffy with the no memories. She might not be able to handle it.
The stress could cause her memories to never return. Like they ever will
anyway."

Spike sat on the bed and watched her silently as she paced around the
room talking to herself. He figured if he just let her vent and he didn't
interject, the more chance he'd have of her listening to him.

She stopped abruptly. "Was it the ‘competition?"

He stared at her. "Do you mean—Do you think I was trying to get dirt on
him because he was my competition?"

"Yeah, were you trying to ‘eliminate' him?"

"Buffy, is Lindsey were a good guy and I thought you were completely
happy with him and I had no chance, then no, I would not hire a P.I. to
‘eliminate' him."

Her eyes narrowed. "But you didn't know what kind of guy Lindsey was."

"I knew what you told me, and what you told me didn't hit at something
great."

"So you decided to take it upon yourself and hire a P. I. to find out what
kind of guy he was. So you could what? Make the decision for me?"

"I didn't trust him—I still don't—"

"Hold the phone!"

"What?"

"You don't trust him and that's why you hired a P.I."

"Right."

She threw up her hands. "So, it's okay for you to go behind my back and
hire a P.I. because you don't trust him and want to ultimately protect me,
but when I try to do it, OUT IN THE OPEN, you get upset with me!"

He took pause. "Okay. I can see your point."

"You're unbelievable William. And so is my darling brother. Do you think
that I'm that inept that I can't make any decision on my own?"

Spike jumped up, "No Buffy, but you weren't exactly kicking him to the
curb! Who knows what kind of crap he could have pulled. We were trying to
keep you safe."

"Yeah, and lets say that Lindsey is the control freak I think he is. You're no
better by doing what you did. It was my decision to make SPIKE, not yours
and not Angel's."

"You don't remember anything to make the decision. You don't know what
he did! He could have been the one—" he broke off, frustrated.

"You and Angel think he had something to do with my accident."

"Yes," Spike replied tersely.

"When were you planning on enlightening me on this?"

"I hadn't thought that far ahead," he said admittedly.

"Apparently," she started to gather her things.


Spike was on her in two strides and grabbed her hands. "Don't leave."

"I think I should William."

"No, please, let's work this out. Buffy, we only had your best intentions at
heart. We didn't want anything to happen to you."

"William, I told you a while ago that losing my memory felt like everyone
knew where the cards were and I didn't. You told me that I had to find out
for myself by asking questions and investigating the answers. And I did.
And I made the decisions I needed to make. I took control of the life I didn't
feel I had any control over due to my lack of memories. Do you have any
idea what it feels like to find out that you felt you had to go behind my back
and take control of my life for me?"

"If I had told you what I wanted to do?"

"At least you would have given me the option, given ME control

over what I wanted to find out in MY life with Lindsey. But you didn't. You
made the decision for me. It's like all that talk about telling me to trust my
gut was just to appease me. I feel like all that work I did do to find out
about Lindsey was for nothing. Why let me figure stuff out on my own,
when you can just figure it out for me."

"Buffy, no, it's very different."

"How?"

"Because sometimes you need cold hard facts to incriminate someone.
Buffy, I am going with MY instincts on this. Your accident, Angel not
trusting him, Lindsey's controlling ways—it all sounds fishy to me. My gut
tells me that he's a crooked lawyer and complete asshole. I needed to find
out to keep you safe. What if the next time you didn't just end up with
amnesia? I couldn't let that happen Buffy. I had to keep you safe. I realize I
should have told you and I apologize for that. I don't think all the work you
did was for nothing. Your instincts confirmed even more for me what I was
already guessing."

"You should have told me," she said quietly.

"I know."

"I'm not a child William. I'm not going to fall to pieces that easily. If I was
going to, I already would have."

"I know."

"Do you? Does Angel? Cause I don't feel like you do know that."

"It was a bad decision. One we should have told you about, but we just
weren't thinking."

"Obviously."

"Buffy, please, forgive me. Don't leave me. Just let me hold you."

"I think I want to be alone for a while, William."

"Then I'll sleep on the sofa. Just don't leave."

"William, you're making this very difficult."

"Good. I want to make it difficult for you to ever think about leaving me."

She met his eyes and stood tall. "And you need to learn that just because
I'm upset with you, and just because I walk out the door, does not mean I
don't love you and does not equal me leaving you. Right now, I feel the need
to assert some of my independence which is why I am leaving right now. I need
to clear my head and I need to be by myself for right now."

Stopping himself from pleading his case more and convincing her to stay,
Spike nodded slowly and stood aside. She thanked him with her eyes and
gathered her things, dressing quickly. He followed her to the door and after
grabbing her purse, she kissed him softly and said a whispered ‘good night'.

"I love you," he whispered as she stepped out of his door.

She looked back at him. "I love you too," and she was off.

Spike stared at the hallway she'd vacated for a long time and tried to
reassure himself that she did love him and she was not leaving him. She
was coming back.





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