A/N Dark fiction! This story has a very big Spike/Other and Buffy/Other warning!! There will be nothing graphic with the couples, but it does warrant a warning. If you don’t think you can handle it, this isn’t the story for you. It will eventually get back to the Spuffyness, but this is a story exploring the different aspects of relationships and rebuilding trust in each other.

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Chapter 1 – Cause For Concern


When Sunnydale High’s most elite couple walked through the cafeteria doors, everyone backed out of their way and let them through so they could reach their usual table in the corner. Buffy Summers and William Giles were undoubtedly the king and queen of their high school, even though they were only juniors. Everyone knew them, respected them, and would’ve given anything to be them.

When William and his father moved from England to Sunnydale the summer before eighth grade, it was practically love at first sight for both him and Buffy. It wasn’t much of a surprise to anyone when they started dating a month later, and after almost three and a half years passed, they were still together and going strong. As far as everyone was concerned, they were young, in love, and happy. It wasn’t even a stretch to say that Buffy planned on marrying him someday in the near future. No one had ever made her feel the way William did, and she couldn’t be happier with the relationship.

William pulled out Buffy’s chair for her and made sure she was seated before sitting beside her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. She cuddled up against him, thankful that they could at least spend lunch together because they didn’t have any of the same classes that semester. Their friends started to trickle into the cafeteria and sat with them, filling the round table. Willow Rosenberg, Buffy’s childhood friend, sat beside her, and Xander Harris claimed the spot beside his redheaded friend. Daniel Osborne, otherwise named Oz, joined them, followed by Riley Finn and his girlfriend Sam. Cordelia Chase was the last to join the table, sitting down and promptly pulling out a compact so she could touch up her make-up for the afternoon.

The table fell into conversation almost instantly, everyone gossiping or catching up on the latest events. William noticed that Buffy wasn’t eating anything. “Aren’t you hungry, luv?”

“I’m fine,” she answered, showing him her diet soda. “This will fill me up.”

“I hope you’re not on another diet,” he replied, frowning. “How many times do I have to tell you that you’re perfect just the way you are?” She smiled at him before giving him a chaste kiss. “If anything, you could gain a few pounds.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Do you think I’m too thin?” she asked, looking at her body. “Am I undesirably skinny?”

He smiled. “No, I’d desire you no matter what,” he said in a low tone, curling his tongue behind his teeth. She playfully smacked his arm and went back to talking with Willow.

It was minutes later when William felt like someone was watching him. Casually looking around the cafeteria, his eyes settled on a raven-haired beauty looking at him from a few tables over. He smiled slightly at her before focusing on Buffy again. Out of the corner of his eye, Will could tell that the girl was still looking at him. He gently nudged Buffy to get her attention.

“Who’s the girl over there that’s looking at us?” he asked, not wanting to address the fact that she was blatantly staring at him only. Buffy smiled and waved at the girl.

“That’s Drusilla Evans,” she answered. “She’s my lab partner in Chemistry class. Do you want to meet her?”

“Sure, why not?” he replied. Buffy motioned for the other girl to come over to their table. She did, never looking away from William, who began to feel somewhat uncomfortable from Drusilla’s intense gaze.

“Hello, Buffy,” Drusilla said, and William was surprised to hear that she, too, was British.

“Hi,” Buffy smiled. “I wanted to introduce you to my boyfriend. Drusilla, this is William Giles. Will, this is Drusilla.” He extended his hand, and she shook it, their hands staying joined seconds longer than they should have been. Buffy noticed but shrugged it off.

“It’s nice to meet you,” William said. “Where are you from?”

Drusilla smiled. “Another Englishman,” she replied. “I’m from London. And you?”

“I’m from London, too,” he answered, smirking. “Quite a coincidence, eh?”

“Yeah,” Buffy said, surprised. “It’s hard to believe that two Londoners would end up in a place like Sunnydale.”

“Yeah,” William agreed. Drusilla smiled before looking at Buffy.

“Well, I won’t intrude on your lunch anymore,” she said. “But I’ll see you in class tomorrow, Buffy.”

“That you will,” Buffy said. “Bye, Drusilla.” The other girl walked away, returning to her table. Buffy looked at her boyfriend. “So, how do you like her? She’s nice, isn’t she?”

“Yeah, she seems nice,” he said, hoping that Buffy wasn’t trying to set a trap for him.

‘Girls always bloody do that,’ he thought. ‘They ask you trick questions that end up making you look like the bad guy no matter how you answer.’ He noticed her nod before she grabbed her soda and delved back into the table’s conversation.

William tried to pay attention to what everyone was saying, but when his eyes traveled over to look at Drusilla, he was somewhat happy to see that she was once again looking at him. He quickly averted his gaze and ducked his head. Buffy noticed that he was acting kind of funny and looked at him.

“Are you alright?” she asked quietly, taking his hand in hers and giving it a gentle squeeze. He quickly smiled at her and kissed her temple.

“I’m perfectly fine, kitten,” he answered. She smiled and began talking about the latest spring fashions with Cordelia. He made sure that she wasn’t looking when he focused on Drusilla, talking with several girls at her table. He studied her, taking in every detail of her clothing, the way her lips moved when she talked, how her eyes sparkled when she laughed.

‘She’s flawless,’ he thought as she looked at him again. Buffy noticed that he was looking elsewhere and followed his gaze, realizing that his eyes were locked with Drusilla’s.

‘What’s going on?’ she asked herself, looking at him and the dreamy expression on his face. Willow nudged her, and Buffy looked at her friend, quickly dismissing the doubts that began to arise in her head at the thought that William was attracted to Drusilla. ‘He and I’ve been through a lot together, and he’s my soulmate- nothing’s going to tear us apart.’

What Buffy didn’t get to see was the wink that Drusilla directed at William before talking with her friends again and the blush that crept up in his cheeks.

* * * * *

Buffy walked through campus a few days later, talking and laughing with
Willow.

“So you and William are set for the Christmas Dance?”

“Willow, it’s still two weeks away,” Buffy replied with a smile, her
friend’s excitement already rubbing off on her.

“I know, but I can’t help it,” Willow said with an excited hop. “I just
love these school dances, and Oz is already set to be playing with the
Dingoes, so I can’t help but look forward to it.”

“I know what you mean,” Buffy said, fiddling with the strap of her backpack.
“Dances are always a hundred times better when you’re there with someone.”

“How would you know?” the redhead teased, pushing her friend’s shoulder. “I
bet you’ve never had to go stag in your life.”

“Not true! There was a Sadie Hawkins dance in eighth grade, and I was
absolutely mortified when I asked Billy Fordham and he said no. But I
walked in that gym with my head held high.”

Willow smiled at her overly dramatic friend. “And what happened when you
walked into the gym?” she asked with a knowing smile.

Buffy immediately bit her lip and lowered her gaze. “Okay…so I danced a
lot…big deal.”

“And why?”

“Because guys kept coming up to me and asking me…happy now?”

“Almost,” Willow replied. “I’ll be happy when you tell me what happened
after all those guys asked you.”

Buffy sighed before answering. “William asked me to go out with him,” she
said with a sheepish smile, biting her lip as she tried to hold back the
smile that automatically coincided with the happy memory.

“Now I’m happy.”

Buffy gave her friend a mocking glare, not wanting to give her the
satisfaction of being right.

“Where is William, anyway?” Willow asked, looking around the campus. “He
usually meets you before you set one foot on the campus.”

“I don’t know,” Buffy said, looking around with a puzzled frown. “Maybe
he’s running late this morning.”

“I still don’t get why he doesn’t just pick you up in the tank that he calls
a car.”

“I’ve told you, Wills. He complains that I’d procrastinate so long that
I’ll make us both late everyday. At least with Mom bringing me to school,
she gets me motivated to get up and get dressed. If Will picked me up, he
would want to keep me in bed.”

“Too much information!” Willow shrieked, covering her ears as Buffy laughed.
“I so don’t need to know that!”

“Oh please!” Buffy said between her giggles. “You already know more than
that. Don’t pretend that you don’t. I seem to remember after the first
time, you asked me for, and I quote, ‘a blurry watercolor’ of what
happened.”

“I know, I know,” Willow said with a grin. “But you were the first out of
our group, and that means you were obligated to let those of us who were
inexperienced live vicariously through you…okay, that came out completely
wrong.”

Buffy giggled, looking across the campus. Her smile soon faded when she saw
William sitting at one of the picnic tables with Drusilla. In general,
Buffy was not a jealous person, but the flirty smiles and the body language
made her feel uneasy as she watched Will lean into the other girl and listen
intently to whatever she was saying.

“Wills, I’ll see you in Chemistry, okay?” Buffy asked in a soft voice, not
paying attention to her friend’s response as she got closer to the table.

She could hear William’s chuckle before she even reached the area, and it
tied her stomach in knots. She was the only one who Spike privileged with
that laugh, and Buffy felt a little selfish for not wanting him to laugh with
someone who was one of her good friends.

Shrugging off her doubts, she approached the table. Trying to keep the
tension out of her voice, Buffy clutched her books to her chest, hoping that
Will wouldn’t see how white her knuckles were.

“H-hi, guys,” Buffy said with a timid smile. Her nerves only got worse when
she saw William jump up from his seat, a guilty look on his face. ‘Why would
he feel guilty?’

“Hello, pet.”

Her forced smile turned into a frown. Every other girl that William knew
was ‘pet’. Buffy was supposed to be ‘luv’ or ‘sweetheart’ or ‘Princess’.
“Hi,” she replied, her hold on her books tightening. “What are you two
talking about?”

“Oh, nothing,” Will said a little too fast.

“It must be something, considering you didn’t meet me,” she said, trying to
keep any accusation out of her voice.

“Lost track of time, that’s all,” he said, brushing a kiss on Buffy’s cheek.

The jealous look that flashed on Drusilla’s face did not go unnoticed by
Buffy, making her feel even more uncomfortable. “Are you ready to go?” she
asked Will.

“You’re not even going to say hi to Dru?”

“Dru?” Buffy asked, her jaw tightening.

“William’s little nickname for me. It does make more sense,” the brunette
said with a smile that was directed at William.

Buffy nodded, trying to keep a fake smile on her face. “Good morning, Dru.”

The hostility in her voice almost made Buffy cringe, and it was her voice.

“We should get going,” she said, turning her gaze to William.

“Uh, yeah…I’ll see you later, luv.”

Buffy’s jaw clenched so tight, she thought it would crack under the
pressure.

The couple walked in silence for a long moment before Buffy finally spoke.
“Is there something going on that I should know about, Will?”

“No,” he replied too quickly for Buffy’s taste. “I was just trying to make
her feel welcome.”

“Well…that’s nice, but it would have been even nicer if you’d said hi and
then actually ‘welcomed’ me, since I’m your girlfriend.”

William noticed the anger beneath the surface and wrapped an arm around
Buffy’s waist. “I told you, sweetheart. I lost track of time…sorry.”

Buffy forced another smile at the insincere apology. They continued to walk
toward the school in silence as Buffy worried her bottom lip.

‘Will has never given me a single reason to mistrust him. Just because one
little situation makes you uncomfortable, don’t act like a spoiled little
girlfriend. You trust him.’

Then why was there still a nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach?




A/N Based on Sierra's idea in the Idea Factory- thanks so much for the inspiration for this story!

Chapter 2 - Betrayal


The day of the Christmas dance swiftly approached, and eventually, it was the Friday before it. Things between Will and Buffy were still slightly strained, but he was making a conscious effort to pay more attention to his girlfriend and to act like he had before he met Drusilla. Buffy was thankful that he seemed to be one hundred percent devoted to her again, and her doubting thoughts dissipated for the most part.

‘He’s mine- no one else’s,’ she thought as she walked to Chemistry with Willow. ‘He loves me, I love him, and we’re going to the dance together. Everything’s perfectly fine, Summers. Stop second-guessing your relationship so much.’

Buffy sat on the stool beside Drusilla at their table while Willow went to sit with her lab partner Tara. The conversations between Buffy and Dru were fewer and far between over the last couple of weeks, which only served to make Buffy even more uncomfortable around the British girl. When the awkward silence became too tense to handle, Buffy took a deep breath and looked at her partner.

“So, are you going to the dance tomorrow?” she asked, trying to start a conversation.

“Yeah,” Drusilla answered, reading something in her textbook. “And I assume you’re going with Will.” Buffy nodded, watching their teacher walk into the room. “Such a lucky girl you are to have found someone like William.” Buffy raised an eyebrow and looked at her. Drusilla closed her book and looked at Buffy.

“Yes…I’m very lucky,” Buffy agreed, finding Dru’s intense gaze slightly unsettling. She quickly looked down at the tabletop. “Are you going with someone?”

“No,” Drusilla answered, shrugging. “But I’m sure there’s someone I can dance with.” Buffy noticed the other girl laugh softly, causing her to once again look at Drusilla, who was smirking at her. Buffy realized that Drusilla was implying something but chose to overlook it.

“Yeah, I’m sure there will be a couple of single guys there looking for girls to dance with,” Buffy said quietly.

“If they’re single or not, I’m sure I’ll still have a good time,” Drusilla said. Buffy stared at the brunette and began to feel nauseous. She was about to make a comment when their teacher started class.

‘If she even so much as looks at William tomorrow night, I’ll kill her,’ Buffy thought, scowling before looking at her teacher.

* * * * *

The next day, Buffy, Willow, and Cordelia spent the afternoon getting ready for the dance. After the sun went down, the boys showed up at Cordelia’s house, waiting for their dates to finish. Buffy looked at her white silk dress in the mirror and took a deep breath.

“You look fabulous, Buffy,” Willow said, adjusting her hunter green strapless dress. Cordelia nodded in agreement as she straightened out her silver, sequined gown. “Ready to go see our boys?” The girls left Cordy’s room and proceeded down the stairs, looking at their three dates dressed in tuxes. William smiled at Buffy, looking at her dress and admiring how beautiful she was, especially with her hair pulled up into curls.

‘She always looks bloody breathtaking,’ he thought as Buffy came to stand in front of him. Wrapping his arms around her, Will pulled her to him for a gentle kiss.

“Do I look okay?” she asked quietly. He nodded, smirking, and leaned down to her ear.

“You look good enough to eat, princess,” he whispered, causing her to giggle. “Come on, can’t keep the limo waiting.” The three girls all exchanged shocked looks.

“We have a limo?” Willow asked, looking at Oz. He nodded, leading her outside. All of the girls stared at the long black vehicle in Cordelia’s driveway.

“Who did this?” Buffy asked William, staring at the car as he smiled.

“I did,” he shrugged. She looked at him in disbelief. “Nothing but the best for my girl.” She grinned and hugged him. “Do you like it?”

“It’s perfect,” she said, looking up at him. “I love you.”

His hand grazed her cheek before kissing her again. “I love you, too,” he said quietly, looking into her eyes. She smiled and allowed him to help her into the limo before he sat beside her and closed the door. All of the couples were buzzing with excitement, and in Buffy’s opinion, everything was perfect. Her thoughts flickered back to the conversation she had with Drusilla the day before and tensed up. William noticed and frowned. “What is it, luv?”

Looking at him and managing a smile, Buffy shook her head. “Nothing,” she answered, leaning into his side while he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “Absolutely nothing.”

But despite her words, Buffy was still scared that something was going to happen that night.

‘Everything could change tonight,’ she said to herself before trying to push her thoughts aside. ‘But I won’t let it.’

* * * * *

The three couples walked into Sunnydale High’s gym and were surprised at how nicely it was decorated. Buffy linked her arm with William’s as they followed Willow and Oz to a table. Riley and Sam were already there, seated and waiting for their friends. William pulled Buffy’s chair out for her and sat her down before grabbing a seat and sitting next to her. He took her hand in his and kissed it, smiling at her.

“Did I tell you how ravishing you look tonight?” he asked. She smiled, slightly blushing.

“I don’t believe you used the word ‘ravishing’ before, so no,” she answered playfully. “But feel free to keep saying it.” He chuckled and kissed her temple before looking around the gym. Buffy did the same thing, noticing how beautiful everyone looked. When she saw a familiar face in the crowd, she stiffened again.

Drusilla was in a long crimson dress, talking with several of her friends by the snack table.

‘She looks beautiful,’ both Buffy and William thought, looking at her. Buffy restrained herself from growling while William withheld a broad smile. Looking at him and noticed the admiring look in his eyes, she frowned and looked at Drusilla again, seeing that she and her boyfriend had locked eyes. This time, she clearly saw the wink Drusilla aimed towards William, and Buffy stood up, her fists clenched.

'This ends tonight,' she thought sternly.

Walking toward the refreshment table without another word to any of her
friends, Buffy busied herself with grabbing a glass of punch before turning
to face the other girl. She didn’t bother to hide the contempt on her
features.

“Drusilla?”

“Yes,” the brunette replied in a haughty voice, turning to face Buffy.

“I just thought I’d give you fair warning…stay the hell away from my
boyfriend.”

“Don’t have much trust in wee little William?”

Shooting a glance back at her friends, she saw William approaching and
narrowed her eyes at the other girl. “I don’t trust a girl who I thought
was my friend, considering she seems to have some kind of alternate agenda.”

“A girl like you should have more confidence in her relationship,” Dru
snidely replied.

“Everything alright?” William asked, trying to keep his gaze on his
girlfriend and failing miserably.

“It seems that your girlfriend feels threatened by me.”

William visibly cringed, something that did not go unnoticed by Buffy.
“Should I be?” she asked in a low voice, turning away from Drusilla so she
couldn’t overhear their conversation.

“I…I love you,” he emphasized.

Buffy tried to ignore the unconvincing tone and focused on his words as she
took his arm and led him away, not giving Drusilla another look.

“What was that about, Buffy?”

“I don’t like it, Will,” she whispered in a miserable tone that nearly broke
his heart. “I don’t like the looks and the gestures and the innuendo.”

“I-I’m sorry I’ve been doing that.”

Turning toward him with a shocked look on her face, Buffy fought the tears
in her eyes as her hold tightened on the flimsy plastic cup, cracking it and
sending the bright red liquid pouring onto the floor. “I didn’t say it was
you doing it.”

Without another word, Buffy practically ran from the gym, leaving her
shocked boyfriend standing behind her. He vaguely noticed Willow and
Cordelia following Buffy and was about to head after them when he felt a
hand on his arm.

“I didn’t mean to cause trouble,” Drusilla said in a soft voice, her eyes
wide and seemingly innocent.

“Yeah, I know…I know,” William said with a nod.

“Would you like to dance?”

‘This is wrong, this is wrong, this is wrong…you love Buffy…you’ve always
loved Buffy, there’s never been anyone else…’

* * * * *

Seeing her friends walk into the bathroom, Buffy frantically wiped her eyes,
looking at her reflection in the mirror and seeing the miserable girl
staring back at her.

“What happened?” Willow asked softly while Cordy set to work, fixing her
make-up and lending a sympathetic ear.

“I don’t know,” Buffy replied in a painful whisper. "The past couple of
weeks I’ve just…I’ve noticed some things. And tonight I saw Dru wink at
William, and when I was talking to him about it…he made it sound like the affection
wasn’t just a one-way street.”

“Do you think he’s cheating on you?” Cordy asked, stepping back to look at
her in concern.

“Ten minutes ago, I would have said ‘not a chance’, but now…God, I love him
so much, and it feels like my heart is being ripped out.”

“He loves you, Buffy,” Willow said, rubbing her friend's back in reassurance.
“You’ve been together a really long time- maybe this is just a rough spot
that you have to get through, and your relationship will be stronger because
of it.”

“Maybe,” Buffy said with a sniffle, looking at her newly put-together self
in the mirror. Cordy was a miracle worker when it came to covering up
puffy eyes. Of course they were still bloodshot, but the lighting in the
gym should cover that. “I think I’m ready to go back out there,” she
mumbled, trying to get her stomach to relax. It ignored her and continued
tying itself into anxious knots, the tension flowing through her body.

With her friends on each side of her, offering their support, they slowly
walked back to the gym.

Stepping through the door, Buffy was shocked that she didn’t throw up.
There was her boyfriend with his arms around another girl. And not only
another girl, but the one that Buffy felt threatened by in every way.

“Maybe we should go,” Willow said nervously, tugging Buffy’s arm to try and
get her to leave before she did something she’d regret. But there was
nothing Buffy was planning on regretting as anger clouded her vision. In a
red haze, she walked toward the cozy couple, crossing her arms over her
chest and staring at them for a moment before William saw her and guiltily
jumped away.

Buffy didn’t notice that the entire gym seemed to get quiet. Couples
stopped dancing and turned to stare at the ‘golden couple’ of the high
school in what was clearly going to be the gossip event of the year.

“So…I shouldn’t be worried?”

William’s eyes widened at the contempt in Buffy’s voice. Taking a step
forward, he hesitantly reached a hand out to his girlfriend. “Listen, luv-“

“Don’t,” Buffy said, cutting him off with venom in her voice as she took a
step away from him. “Don’t you dare call me ‘luv’. What’s going on, Will?”

Nervously glancing around the gym, William took a deep breath. “I don’t
think we should do this here.”

“Oh, I think this is the perfect place to do this,” Buffy countered, keeping
her anger close to the surface to mask the hurt and betrayal she was
feeling. “Are you trying to tell me it’s over?”

“Buffy, I love you, but…”

“But,” she prompted, feeling her heart shattering.

“I don’t think this is working out.”

A loud crack echoed through the silent gym as Buffy’s hand made contact with
William’s cheek. The momentum threw his head to the side, and Buffy watched
with a clenched jaw as he slowly turned to face her, a red handprint already
evident on his skin. Resisting the urge to bring his hand up to his face,
Will watched as Buffy tried to hide the trembling of her chin.

Taking a deep, shaky breath before turning to Drusilla, Buffy slammed a
solid punch into the other girl’s eye, sending her screaming to the floor.
Shaking her hand to try and dull the pain, the blonde turned and quickly
left the gym with a concerned Willow chasing after her.

The entire school watched as the most popular guy in school turned to the
brunette and helped her to her feet.

Feeling a tap on his shoulder, William turned around and immediately doubled
over in pain as Cordelia Chase’s knee came in contact with his groin.
“That’s for my friend, jackass,” she said before spinning on her heel and
following her friends.

* * * * *

Buffy burst through the doors of the high school, letting the cold air hit
her face and attempt to soothe her as she broke down in tears. Feeling
comforting arms wrap around her, Buffy could tell it was Willow without even
looking. Turning toward the redhead, she began sobbing when she heard the
door open and saw Oz and Cordelia run out.

Cordy quickly wrapped her arms around both girls as Oz went to get his van
that he’d left in the parking lot earlier that day.

“What can we do, Buffy?” Willow asked softly, stroking her friend’s hair.

“Just take me home,” she whispered between sobs. “I just want to go home.”

After Christmas break ended, Buffy took an additional week off school, not willing to see anyone or to have to deal with people looking at her sympathetically. She didn’t want pity from people, and she especially didn’t want to talk to anyone, including her friends. The only person she saw was her mother, and even that was bad enough.

When Joyce found out about what had happened between her daughter and William, she was furious. She didn’t understand how he could suddenly move on to some girl he hadn’t even known for a month. But whenever Joyce tried to talk to her daughter about it, Buffy emotionally shut her mom out, distancing herself from everything.

When the following Monday rolled around after her mental health break from school, she decided that she couldn’t hide out forever and let her mother drive her to school. Wordlessly, she got out of the car and walked to the front doors of Sunnydale High, noticing a familiar car driving into the parking lot. Watching as William parked his vintage Desoto and instantly feeling nauseous when Drusilla got out of the car on the passenger side, Buffy held back the tears forming in her eyes and walked inside.

When she got to her locker, she was thankful that both Willow and Cordelia were waiting there for her. Both girls hugged their friend, still worried about her well-being.

“How’ve you been, sweetie?” Willow asked, running her hand over Buffy’s hair. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Buffy said, mustering some strength and opening her locker. “Have I missed a lot?”

“No,” Cordelia answered, looking at Willow for a second. “We have a paper due Friday in English, but that’s about it.” Buffy nodded and grabbed her books for her morning classes.

“And we have study hall in Chemistry,” Willow said. Buffy felt relieved.

‘One less time I have to see Drusilla today,’ she thought. ‘I really need to get a new Chemistry partner. Maybe I can buddy up with Willow. Not that I want to pair Tara up with the vapid ho that stole my boyfriend away from me.’ Buffy felt tears forming again and shut her eyes to stop them from escaping. ‘Maybe I shouldn’t have come back today.’

“So, is there any gossip I should be informed of?” Buffy asked, hoping that her friends wouldn’t notice her watery eyes.

“Not really,” Cordelia answered, shrugging. “You missed a boring week.” Willow looked at Cordelia with a grateful expression.

Both girls had seen the school’s reaction to the break-up over the course of the prior week. Whenever William and Dru had walked down the hall together, everyone looked at them with angry expressions, and most of the time, the new couple could hear people saying things about them. Willow saw the sad expression on William’s face every time he was confronted by another student. He felt ten times worse about the situation when he was at school, and when people began to ignore him, like the people he considered friends, he felt lower than he ever had before.

“So, we should probably get to class,” Willow said, and Cordelia nodded. Buffy followed her friends towards their Algebra classroom and saw William and Dru walking inside the building. Locking eyes with her, he clenched his jaw when she ducked her head quickly.

‘She’s never going to forgive me,’ he thought before seeing the glares that Willow and Cordelia were shooting at him. He watched as the three girls walked into their classroom before he kissed Dru’s cheek.

“I’ll see you at lunch, luv,” he said quietly, letting her go to class. He went to the library for study hall, and for the whole hour, his thoughts were filled with his ex-girlfriend.

* * * * *

Willow and Buffy walked to the cafeteria together for lunch and sat at their usual table. When all of her friends sat down, she looked at William’s empty chair and sighed.

‘I guess it’s just the seven of us now,’ she thought.

Xander looked over and noticed the depressed look on Buffy’s face.

“So, Buffster, want to hear this great joke I heard the other day?” he asked, hoping he could maybe make her smile. She looked at him, and out of the corner of her eye, she saw William and Drusilla walk in, going over to her table of friends. A lot of the students quieted down, probably hoping that something would happen now that Buffy was back and was in the same room with the two people who had betrayed her. Buffy turned her back to Dru’s table and looked at Xander.

“Sure, cheer me up,” she said, managing a small smile. Willow looked at her friend with a soft expression, proud that Buffy wasn’t going to let the break-up keep her down forever.

After the bell rang, Buffy went to her locker to get her books for the second half of the day. While pulling out a textbook, she sensed someone standing beside her. She saw Jonathan Levinson standing there, looking at her sadly.

“Hi,” she said quietly. “Can I help you?”

“I just wanted to say that I’m sorry about what happened between you and William,” he said. “You didn’t deserve that, no matter what anyone says.” Buffy looked at him, surprised.

‘I don’t think I’ve ever talked to him before in my entire life,’ she thought. ‘And I’ve known him for over a decade.’

“Thank you,” she said with a soft smile, putting her textbook in her backpack. He nodded and walked away, going into a classroom. After shutting her locker and turning to go to her next class, Buffy walked into someone and froze when she saw who it was.

“Sorry, luv,” William said, grabbing her arm gently to keep her from falling. She instantly wrenched her arm out of his grasp and took a step back. “Are you okay?”

“Am I okay?” she asked, practically hissing. “Am I okay? What do you think, Will? Do I look okay to you?” He put his hands in his pockets, frowning.

“Buffy, I’m so-“ he began to say, but she put her hand up to stop him.

“Don’t even think of apologizing to me,” she cut in. “There’s nothing you can say to me that’s going to make me forgive you.” She began to walk away from him.

“I still care about you,” he said, loud enough for her to hear. She stopped and turned to look at him.

“No you don’t,” she replied, willing herself not to cry. “If you did, you wouldn’t have hurt me like that.” She stood up straighter and took a deep breath. “But we’re over now, so it doesn’t really matter, does it?” He sighed as she turned again and walked away from him, disappearing into the library.

‘Of course it still matters.’.

“I’m sorry, Buffy. I’ll make it up to you. Tonight we’ll…we’ll have a girl’s night, okay? Just the two of us.”

“Okay, Mom,” Buffy said with a smile. “Don’t worry about it. Go. Experience this thing called work. I’ll be fine.”

With a wave, Joyce walked out the door as Buffy turned to go upstairs and finish getting ready for school. Joyce had received a call from the gallery and discovered the shipment delivered last night was the wrong one. Buffy knew she felt guilty for making her walk to school, but it wouldn’t kill
her.

Rifling through her wardrobe, she pulled out a pair of form-fitting khaki pants and a black sweater, quickly dressing and looking at herself in the mirror. Buffy sighed at her reflection before pulling her long blonde hair back into a clip, bravely keeping it off her face. She shrugged as she looked at her reflection. ‘I can always take it down later…the joys of having long hair- it can be used as a shield if I don’t want anyone looking at me.’

Smiling at her insane, but yet somehow accurate logic, Buffy grabbed her backpack and walked out the door to start the twenty-minute trek to school.

Five minutes into her walk, she noticed an unfamiliar car slowing down before coming to a complete stop next to her.

“Buffy? Buffy Summers?”

“That’s me,” she replied, recognizing the boy in the car as a senior from Sunnydale High.

“I’m Cameron Walker. Do you…need a ride?”

Buffy was about to politely decline when she saw the familiar Desoto driving down the street.

“I’d love a ride,” she said with a smile, timing it perfectly as she got into the car and suppressing a smirk when she saw William’s shocked expression. Of course, the need to smirk left on its own when she saw her smug-looking former friend in the passenger seat.

Cameron kept up steady chatter about the swim team and his impending scholarship from UCLA while Buffy sat quietly. Pulling into the school parking lot, Buffy was about to jump out of the car when she saw William and Drusilla exit the Desoto. A frown came over Buffy’s face when she saw the
new tight jeans and black leather duster that William was sporting. She almost snorted before she realized that Cameron was still talking to her.

“Thanks for the ride, Cam,” she said with a friendly smile, cutting off whatever he was about to say. “I’ll see you around.”

Being a little earlier than she planned, Buffy walked through the school and entered the library. It was already starting to get on her nerves how everyone was staring at her, but she knew that most of them were just wondering if she was okay. At least, that’s what she hoped.

Killing time until the first bell rang, Buffy idly walked through the stacks, letting her fingers trail over the musty books. She loved the old library. She loved that she could come in here at any time and have a few minutes to herself.

No sooner had the thought left her head than she turned the corner and saw William walk through the double doors. Darting back behind one of the tall shelves, Buffy said a silent prayer that he was going to talk to his father, knowing that Giles was probably in his office by now. Peeking around the
corner, she saw that he was gone before she quickly walked toward the doors and promptly crashed into William as he rounded a corner.

“Buffy…what are you doing here?”

“Trying to get away from you,” she snapped as she pushed him away and began walking toward the door.

“I have study hall this hour,” he said quietly. Something in his voice caused Buffy to stop and turn around to look at him. One glance in the office told her that they were the only two in the library.

“What are you doing?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, what the hell are you doing?!” she demanded, her voice rising.

“I don’t know what the bloody hell you’re talking about!” William yelled back, his temper snapping.

“Let’s get one thing straight right now. I don’t want to see you, Will. After all of our time together, you dropped me for that vapid ho and then expect me to make small talk before school?!” Buffy noticed the tic in his jaw, but he wisely kept his mouth shut. “I don’t want to know you,” she whispered, fighting the tears in her eyes.

“You’re the one who demanded that I do it in such a public place! I would have rather talked to you, just the two of us, but you-“

“Shut up! Just shut up! Stop trying to justify what you did! You hurt me…you embarrassed me, and after…”

Buffy trailed off, swallowing the lump in her throat before continuing. “Why am I even talking to you? You don’t give a damn about me.”

“I do…I just…the feelings that I have for you now…they’re just different. I wish things didn’t have to be this way.”

“Yeah?” Buffy replied, anger clouding her vision. “I wish I’d never slept with you.”

The hurt look that crossed William’s face almost gave her the vindication that she was looking for. Almost.

Refusing to feel sorry for anything she said, Buffy continued to stare at him with an impassive expression.

“Do you really mean that?” he asked quietly.

Buffy looked away, thinking for a moment before meeting his gaze. “Let’s just say that the feelings that I have for you now are different.”

Satisfied that his hurtful words had been thrown back in his face, Buffy turned and stormed out of the library, bypassing Giles as she passed.

“Everything okay, son?” Giles asked, looking at the door that was still swinging.

“No.”

* * * * *

Buffy furiously tried to keep the tears out of her eyes as she walked down the hall. Not watching where she was going, she realized too late that she had just knocked Jonathan completely off his feet.

“Ooomph.”

“I am so sorry,” Buffy apologized, helping him up. “I wasn’t watching where I was going, and then it was just…bad. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” he said with a shy smile, quickly gathering his books.

“If there’s anything I can do…”

Buffy helped him grab his books and awkwardly handed them back to him.

“Would you want to go to the movies with me?” Jonathan abruptly blurted out.

Buffy blinked.

‘You’re not ready…he’s a nice guy and you would only hurt him…but maybe you
need a nice guy. Besides, who says it has to be classified as a date?’

“I’d love to.”

* * * * *

That night, Joyce and Buffy were feasting on popcorn and soda while watching an old black and white movie on TV. Buffy pulled a blanket around her to ward off the chill in the room, reflecting on the days when William would hold her to keep her warm. She frowned and began eating handfuls of popcorn.

‘Whoever said eating comfort food when you’re depressed is bad, obviously never had their heart broken,’ she thought sadly.

Joyce looked at her daughter.

“Is everything okay?” she quietly asked, running her hand over Buffy’s hair.

“Yeah, I’m just tired,” Buffy shrugged, not completely lying. “It was a long day.”

“I’m assuming you must have talked to William since you’re so upset,” Joyce said. Buffy looked down and sighed.

“Yeah, we talked in the library,” she said. “It wasn’t good, by any means, but I had the chance to say some things to him.”

‘That he rightfully deserved,’ she added mentally.

“Things will get better,” Joyce said consolingly. “I know it might not seem possible right now, but things will pick up. You just have to get back on the horse again.”

“Do you remember that pony you made me ride when I was a little kid?” Buffy asked, looking at her mom. “The one that tried to make me fall off?” Joyce laughed at the memory. “Besides, I’m going to mount the horse again this weekend. Jonathan Levinson invited me to a movie.” Joyce smiled warmly.

“He’s a very nice boy,” she said. “He always won the science fairs in junior high, didn’t he?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Buffy answered. “I never really paid attention to that kind of stuff back then.”

‘I was too preoccupied with trying to be popular,’ she thought sadly. ‘Too wrapped up in my own dumb life to notice the things going on around me.’

“Well, I’m sure you’ll have a great time,” Joyce said, watching the movie again. Buffy nodded and grabbed her soda can.

‘Yeah, it’ll probably be nice to get away from thinking about William for once,’ she thought.

* * * * *

When Saturday evening finally arrived, Buffy was somewhat excited to go see a movie with a guy who wasn’t that similar to William.

“A change will definitely be nice,” she said quietly, looking in her mirror as she put on make-up. She was slightly startled when her phone rang. She picked it up, hoping it wasn’t Jonathan calling to say that he wanted to cancel plans for the night. “Hello?”

“Hi,” William said, sounding a little nervous. She raised an eyebrow and sat on her bed.

“Hey,” she replied. “Why are you calling me?”

“Some of my CDs are still at your house,” he said. “All of which I want back. And do you still have the black T-shirt I let you borrow last month?”

“Yeah,” she answered, sighing. “Your CDs are by my CD player and your shirt is in my closet.”

“I’ll be over then in an hour to pick it all up,” he said, and Buffy tensed up.

“I won’t be home, and Mom’s working tonight, so no one will be here,” she said, resisting the urge to rub it in his face that she had plans.

“Where are you going?” he asked curiously. “Out with Willow?”

“No, actually, I have a date,” she said, deciding that she was going to be honest with him.

‘It’s my life, and I don’t owe him anything anymore,’ she thought. ‘Besides, it’s a Saturday night- why isn’t he with Dru? Is there trouble in paradise already? Because that would be refreshing to hear. He dumped me, only to get dumped by the gothic skank.’ Buffy smirked. ‘I’d die to see that happen.’

“With who?” he asked, hoping that he didn’t sound as jealous as he really was.

“Jonathan,” she answered casually, going to her closet and finding his shirt. She threw it on her bed before grabbing a pair of jeans.

“You’re going out with him?” he asked, surprised that she had moved on so quickly.

‘But then again, I guess I don’t blame her,’ he thought. ‘She’s not the type of girl to wait around idly.’

“It’s just a date,” she answered, pulling out a light pink blouse. “If you want your stuff back, I should be home tomorrow afternoon.”

“Fine, I’ll come over at noon,” he said firmly, still slightly angry that she was going out with someone else.

‘I didn’t even know Jonathan was on her radar,’ he thought.

“I’ll be home, and if I’m not, Mom can give you your stuff back,” Buffy said, smiling. “I’m sure Mom would love to see you again.”

‘And would have a few choice words for you,’ she thought, sliding on her jeans. ‘That conversation would be priceless to witness.’

“Well, then I guess I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said. “Have a good night, Buffy.” She sensed the sadness in his voice and decided not to comment on it.

“You too, Will,” she replied before hanging up. She put on her shirt before looking at herself one last time in the mirror before her doorbell rang. “Well, Buffy, it’s time to delve back into the dating world.” She walked downstairs and opened the door to see Jonathan standing there, holding a small bouquet of flowers. She smiled at him, surprised. “Hi, Jonathan.”

“Hi,” he said, extending the flowers to her. She graciously took the bouquet and looked at the flowers arranged in it.

“Thank you so much,” she said, trying to push away memories of the times when William had given her flowers. “I’ll just go put these in a vase, and then we can head out. Feel free to come in.” He did, closing the door behind him. Buffy went to the kitchen, cut the stems down, and put the bouquet in a vase before looking at it.

‘Stop thinking about William,’ she said to herself. ‘He doesn’t exist anymore to you.’ She fought the urge to cry before walking to the living room and watching Jonathan look at the pictures on her fireplace mantle.

“Okay, I’m all set to go,” she said, grabbing her purse and keys. He walked outside as she locked up behind them and followed him to his car. He opened the car door for her and made sure she was inside before he closed it. He got in on his side and started the car. “Thank you for asking me out, Jonathan.” He smiled nervously at her.

“Thank you for saying yes,” he said before he began to drive to the movie theater. It was then that Buffy realized she had never given any other guys besides William a chance.

‘And that all ends now,’ she thought, looking outside as they drove through the streets of Sunnydale.

“How was your date last night?” Joyce asked as she and Buffy stood in the
kitchen, making a salad for lunch.

“It was okay,” Buffy said with a shrug, chopping up some carrots. “Jonathan
is a nice guy, but I just don’t see anything long-term happening.”

“But you had fun?”

“I guess. It was…different. Awkward and different.”

“You were with what’s-his-name for years. Of course it was going to be
different.”

“His name is William, Mom,” Buffy said with a slight smile. “And I remember
you liked him at one point. You actually thought he was like a son to you,
if I remember correctly.”

“That was before he hurt my baby girl,” Joyce said with a shrug. “It’s a
mother’s prerogative to change her mind.”

“I thought that was a ‘woman’s’ prerogative,” Buffy replied, nudging her mom
out of the way as she began to shred lettuce into a bowl.

“Mothers are women. So…you’re not going to see him again?”

“Who? Jonathan?”

“Of course. Who else?”

“I don’t know,” Buffy said with a sigh. “He’s a nice guy, but I’m not
looking for anything serious, and I know that I’ll end up hurting him in the
long run.”

“Well, at least you’re dating,” Joyce said, giving her daughter a reassuring
smile, delighted in the fact that her daughter was finally opening up to
her.

“You don’t think it’s too early?”

“It obviously wasn’t too early for William,” her mother pointed out, raising
her eyebrows and giving her daughter a look that mothers had perfected over
the centuries.

“Yeah,” Buffy whispered, jumping when she heard the knock on the door.

“I wonder who that is.”

“Um…I know…I mean…why don’t I get the door?”

“Buffy, who is it?”

“Will called yesterday and wanted to pick up some of his stuff.”

“That boy has the nerve to show his face-“

“Mom! I’m handling it, okay? I know you’re just looking out for me, but
let me do this.”

“Alright,” Joyce said with a sigh. “I’ll be right here.”

Giving her mom a quick hug, Buffy walked toward the door as she heard
another knock sound through the house.

Anxiously tugging at her shirt, she took a deep breath before opening the
door. Her mouth dropped open and her eyes widened when she saw William. Or
at least who she thought was William.

“What’s with the new look?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest and
looking at his newly bleached hair.

William shrugged. “Just ready for a change, I guess.”

Buffy snorted, turning away from him. “Apparently,” she muttered, blinking
the tears away before facing him again.

Hearing the soft-spoken comment, William felt his heart ache. “Buffy-“

“Look, it’s none of my business anymore. I don’t care that you feel like
you have to change yourself for some girl. Why should I care if she doesn’t
like you the way you are? You obviously didn’t like me the way I was…maybe
if I turn gothic…you know what? I’m not even going to finish that sentence
because I don’t care if you want me.”

‘He doesn’t have to know that’s the furthest thing from the truth,’ Buffy
thought.

“I’m not changing myself for her,” Will insisted, ignoring the nagging
feeling in the pit of his stomach that a part of what Buffy said had been
true and the more annoying painful feeling that she didn’t care about him
wanting her anymore.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” she muttered, turning away from him and
grabbing the CDs and t-shirt.

“I’m not-”

“Here’s your stuff,” she interrupted, not making eye contact with him. “And
I left Mr. Gordo over at your house the last time we…the last time I spent
the night. I’d like him back.”

“I, um…I don’t have it.”

Nearly backtracking the statement at the crestfallen look on her face, Will
avoided her eyes. They always seemed to look right through him, and he found
it more than a little unnerving.

“You don’t have him?”

“No,” he replied, reaching for his CDs, which Buffy promptly held out of his
reach.

“Did you give him to Drusilla?” she asked.

“Buffy-“

“You did, didn’t you!?” she demanded, outraged at the mere thought. “You
gave him to your slut of a girlfriend!”

“Don’t talk about her that way,” he said through gritted teeth.

“You know what, Will? I’ll talk about the ho any way I want to!”

“Shut…up,” he replied in a threatening whisper, trying to keep his temper in
check.

“Fuck you!”

Will ducked as she flung the CDs at him, cringing as they made contact with
his chest. Taking a steadying breath, he turned to try and talk to Buffy
but was immediately met with a slammed door.

“Bloody hell,” he muttered, shaking his head as he collected his belongings.
How could he explain to her that he kept the ridiculous stuffed pig for
himself? He knew that if he told her, she would assume he still wanted to
be with her, and he didn’t want to hurt her anymore by explaining that it
wasn’t the reason. He just wanted to keep something that reminded him of
the love they shared and the good times they’d had before everything turned
to hell.

* * * * *

Buffy ran up the stairs, slamming the door to her room and collapsing on her
bed in tears. She buried her head in the pillow, wanting to keep her sobs
quiet so her mom wouldn’t come rushing in.

“Buffy?”

Flinching at the soft knock on the door and her mother’s voice on the other
side, Buffy sniffled, taking several deep breaths before answering. “I’m
fine, Mom,” she said, camouflaging any emotions that were flowing through
her. “I just need a few minutes.”

She could almost hear Joyce sigh as she walked away. Trying to get her
tears under control, Buffy concentrated on her breathing, feeling moderately
successful before her gaze traveled to her dresser.

Seeing the picture that was displayed in a silver frame, Buffy choked back
another sob. It had been taken on Buffy’s birthday the year before and
showed a beaming Buffy sitting on William’s lap as they stared dreamily into
each other’s eyes, their lips just inches away. It was her favorite picture
of the two of them, and she couldn’t bring herself to pack it away.

Now she didn’t want to pack it away…she wanted to destroy it. With a
strangled sob, Buffy grabbed the picture frame and quickly walked to her
window, throwing it outside and feeling only moderately satisfied when she
heard the glass shatter as it hit the tree, before sliding to the floor as
fresh tears came to her eyes.

* * * * *

After several long minutes of debating with himself, William was about to
pull out of the driveway when he saw a movement out of the corner of his
eye. Putting his car into park, he got out and walked across the yard with
a frown. Seeing the scuffed and broken picture frame laying face down on
the grass, he glanced up at Buffy’s window before picking it up. His heart
clenched when he saw the picture of the two of them. The picture that she
obviously kept close to her…until now.

Time slowly passed for both Buffy and William, and before either of them realized it, it was already the first week of June and time for exams. Buffy thankfully had swapped lab partners with Willow so that she could have Tara instead of Drusilla. Willow despised her as much as Buffy, but she could tolerate the brunette enough to work with her. When Buffy found out that Willow purposely failed the final Chemistry lab so that Dru would fail, too, Buffy was shocked.

“Why would you do that?” Buffy asked, her eyes wide. “Will, you’re going to get an F on your report card.”

“So what?” Willow replied with a shrug. “I’ve gotten an A all year- the lowest I’ll get on my report card for the semester is a B. Besides, Dru is practically failing anyways, so far be it for me not to help her completely fail.” Buffy laughed as she hugged her best friend. “It’s all about solidarity, sister.”

“What will your parents think?” Buffy asked. “And colleges might see that grade on your transcripts! I can’t believe you’d do such a thing. I’m grateful you screwed her over, but you’re taking the fall, too. I owe you so much.”

“Just keep being happy- that’s a big enough reward for me,” Willow said, smiling as she saw Oz approaching her. “Call me tomorrow after your last exam- maybe we can celebrate at the Bronze or something.”

“Sure,” Buffy said. “I think Owen wanted to take me there, anyways.”

“Owen from your English class?” Willow asked, and Buffy nodded. “Buffy! Are you not telling me something?” Buffy blushed slightly.

“He asked me out the other day, and I said yes,” she answered. “So why not tomorrow after our exam?”

“Sounds like a perfect plan to me,” Willow said as Oz came over. “So, tomorrow night then?”

“Yeah,” Buffy said. Willow nodded and walked away with Oz, and Buffy couldn’t help but feel envious of her friend’s relationship with the quiet musician.

‘I used to have that,’ she thought. ‘Come on, Summers, it’s been over five months, and it’s not like you haven’t dated anyone since William.’ She sighed and went to her locker, opening it to get the books she’d need for studying.

She saw William exiting one of his classes and frowned as he slowly approached her, looking somewhat nervous.

“Hello, Buffy,” he said, shoving his hands in his pockets. “How’d your exams go?”

“Fine,” she answered. “What about yours?” He shrugged and looked down. “Well, I guess I’ll see you around.”

“Next year probably,” he said, and she looked at him. “I’m done with exams, and I’m going to London for the summer.” She raised an eyebrow. “Dru’s mum lives there and she invited me to go with her, so-” Buffy could feel her jaw clenching and quickly looked away from him.

“Have fun,” she said quietly, grabbing her stuff and closing her locker. “I’ll see you in September then.” She began to walk away from him.

“Buffy,” William said, and she stopped walking but didn’t turn to face him. “Have a good summer.” She nodded and began walking again, letting a tear escape her eye before quickly brushing it away and walking outside.

* * * * *

The next night, Buffy showed up at the Bronze on Owen’s arm, laughing at a joke he had told about Emily Dickinson. She saw platinum blonde hair out of the corner of her eye and saw William looking at her and Owen with an unreadable expression. Looking away from him, Buffy allowed Owen to lead her to the table Willow, Oz, Xander, and Cordelia were sitting at.

A conversation quickly began at their table, and Buffy soon caught herself watching William and Drusilla dancing. She frowned and chose to look away, scanning the rest of the club. Her eyes fell upon a tall brunette man standing beside the bar, wearing black leather pants and a black shirt.

‘He’s pretty good-looking,’ she thought, seeing a petite blonde woman walk up to him. She was dressed in a black corset and a pleated black miniskirt, and when Buffy thought about it, she wished she could wear something like that and get away with it. ‘I wonder if I could ever wear an outfit that daring. Mom probably wouldn’t let me out of the house.’ Before she could put more thought into it, Willow nudged her.

“Is everything okay?” she asked, a look of concern on her face. Buffy smiled.

“I’m fine,” she answered. “I’m just taking in the scenery.” Willow raised an eyebrow, and Buffy pointed to the guy at the bar, now talking with the blonde woman in front of him. “Who’s that?”

“I don’t know, but he’s hot,” Buffy said quietly, grateful that Owen was busy talking to Xander about the math exam they had that morning.

“Buffy, he may be hot, but I don’t think he’s your type,” Willow said. Buffy shrugged and looked at her friend.

“You never know,” she replied. “He could be exactly my type.”

Willow frowned. “He doesn’t go to school with us,” she said. “He must be in college.”

‘Even better,’ Buffy thought. Owen asked Willow a question, which caused Buffy to focus on their conversation instead of the guy she couldn’t seem to forget about. ‘Maybe one day I’ll get to see if he’s my type or not.’

“Do you want to dance, Buffy?” Owen asked, looking at her. She nodded, and he led her out to the dance-floor. The song was slow, so when Owen’s arms wrapped around her, she tried to remain comfortable, even though it felt like someone was watching her. She saw William a few feet away, still dancing with Drusilla, watching her with a somewhat jealous expression. “Thanks for going out with me tonight, Buffy. I’ve wanted to ask you out all semester.” She smiled at him before resting her head on his shoulder.

When the song ended, Buffy still felt like someone was watching her. She looked at William, but he was busy talking to Drusilla about something as they walked to a booth where her friends were sitting. Buffy shrugged it off, figuring that she must just be paranoid. She never could have expected that the man from the bar was watching her from the balcony with a smirk on his face.

A month later, Buffy was starting to regret not taking her father up on his
offer to come to Los Angeles.

‘What was I thinking?’ she asked herself as she walked toward the Bronze.
‘An entire summer in one of the best shopping cities in the world with
nothing between me and the stores but Daddy’s credit card, and I decide to
stay here in this nothing of a town.’

Her summer would have been slightly more bearable if Willow hadn’t left a
week ago to visit her aunt in Seattle. Buffy had been dating Owen for the
past month, but it wasn’t serious for either of them, and she definitely
didn’t feel the fire that she and William had once had.

‘Stop thinking about him!’ Buffy chastised herself, refraining from smacking
herself in the head. ‘He’s off, living it up in Europe, probably sleeping
in that skank’s bed every night, and you’re still here, acting like you’re
pining away for him. Well that ends tonight.’

Buffy just wished she could believe that. She was making an effort.
Tonight she was bravely going to the Bronze by herself, and that was a step
in the right direction. She hoped so, at any rate.

Walking through the doors of the club, Buffy glanced around before
remembering that she wasn’t meeting anyone. This was a night for
independence, and she wanted to make the most of it.

She continued to tell herself that as she walked toward the bar and took a
seat at the far end, practically blending into her surroundings.

‘Way to be strong, Summers,’ she scolded herself.

“What can I get you?”

Looking up at the bartender as he offered her a smile, Buffy relaxed a
little bit. “Coke, please.”

“And put some rum in it.”

Buffy turned at the unfamiliar voice and saw a pretty brunette standing
beside her.

“I seriously doubt she’s old enough,” the bartender said with a playful
smile.

“Come on, Wes…for me?”

Watching as the brunette crossed her arms and leaned on the counter,
exposing her already exposed cleavage and batting her eyelashes, Buffy was
amazed when the bartender grabbed a rum bottle and added a splash to her
drink.

“Thanks,” Buffy said, turning her attention to the other girl. “But I’m
really not much of a drinker.”

“Yeah, I get that,” the other girl replied. “But obviously something in
your body needs uncorking or you wouldn’t be here looking like you just lost
your puppy.”

Buffy offered a soft smile, glancing down at the drink in her hand.
“Something more important than a puppy,” she murmured.

“Aaaah, you lost your man,” she said, plopping down on the stool next to her
newfound friend.

“Yeah,” Buffy replied. “But it was so long ago, and I just feel like I have
to get over it.”

“And you can’t?”

“You know, you’re awfully wise beyond your years,” Buffy teased with a
smile.

“I get that a lot,” the other girl said with a laugh before offering her
hand. “I’m Faith.”

“Buffy.”

“Nice to meet you, B. Now tell me about this guy. Hottie?”

“Yeah,” Buffy whispered, looking down as she bit her lip. “I love…I loved
him.”

“And he dumped you for another girl.”

“If you want the brutally honest truth. And I can’t believe I just told you
all that.”

“Don’t worry about it. You obviously need an outsider’s opinion.”

“And your opinion is?”

“Screw him. You just need a change. How long ago was this break up?”

“Six months,” Buffy replied skeptically.

“And how long were you together?” Faith asked.

“Since junior high.”

“Damn,” Faith replied with a long, low whistle. “Talk about long term. And
you still want the guy?”

“I want the guy I loved…not the guy he turned into.”

“But you want him to want you,” the brunette said with a knowing smile.

“I want to feel better,” Buffy admitted softly.

“I think I can manage that.”

“How?”

“Well, for starters, you need to finish that drink, and that will be an
excellent start.”

“And after that?”

A slow smile crept up on Faith’s face. “Trust me.”

* * * * *

Buffy’s eyes widened as she looked in the mirror of the dressing room. “NO!
No way! I’m not coming out there, Faith. Find someone else to be your
guinea pig.”

“Get your ass out here, B. I told you I was giving you a much needed
makeover and I meant it. Step one- getting rid of all those things that you
call clothes.”

“Those ‘things’ at least covered my body.”

“Why do that? You only live once- you might as well show off what you
have.”

“Faith, I’m wearing all leather. All leather, I might add, that costs more
than my entire wardrobe and barely covers me.”

“Perfect.”

Buffy glared at the obvious smile in Faith’s voice. “You know, when you
told me last night that you wanted to take me on a shopping spree, I thought
that it might actually involve shopping for things I could wear in public.

“Come out. Trust me, if it doesn’t look good, I’ll tell you.”

With a heavy sigh, Buffy opened the door. She watched as Faith studied her
for a moment, using a critical eye, before nodding and motioning for Buffy
to turn.

“I’m in a freaking leather halter top and mini skirt…if you can call this a
skirt. If I turn around, my ass is going to fall out.”

“You don’t have an ass,” Faith replied with a laugh before calming. “Look
at this, B,” she continued, grabbing the black pants and white shirt that
Buffy had previously been wearing. “Do you really expect to feel better
about yourself if you’re just a member of the crowd? I’m offering you the
chance to get noticed…actually, your dad’s credit card is offering that, but
I’m pointing you in the right direction.”

Buffy sighed heavily before looking in the mirror. She really did look
good. She just lacked the confidence to pull off the new look, but
apparently that was another purpose of this shopping day. “Where are we
going next?” Buffy asked with another resigned sigh.

* * * * *

Buffy emerged from the beauty salon, playing with her newly cut and dyed hair.

“So, how do you like it, B?” Faith asked, handing her some of the shopping bags they had acquired.

“I like my highlights,” Buffy shrugged. “But I don’t know how sure I am about this haircut.”

“It frames your face perfectly,” Faith replied. “I love it.” Buffy sighed. “So, I have one last stop I want to go to with you before we call it a day. What are you doing tonight?”

“Owen and I are supposed to go out to dinner and a movie,” Buffy said, and Faith looked at her.

“Who’s Owen?” Faith asked.

“My boyfriend,” Buffy answered quietly.

“Since when do you have a boyfriend?” Faith asked.

“I told you about him, didn’t I?” Buffy asked, and Faith shook her head. “Oh, I could have sworn I did. Maybe not.”

“No, I think I would’ve remembered,” Faith said. “But wait, you were depressed at the Bronze over some ex of yours, right?” Buffy nodded. “Why wasn’t your boyfriend around? He’s not as good as the one you miss so much?”

“Yeah,” Buffy answered honestly, looking down.

“Well, it seems to me, B, that if this Owen guy isn’t what you want him to be, maybe you should move on,” Faith suggested. “You know, see the sights and try to reel in a replacement fish.” Buffy looked at her friend with a peculiar expression. “Sorry, I tend to mix really lame phrases together. But you get my point, don’t you?” Buffy nodded. “Now, what’s this guy like?”

‘He’s not like William, that’s for sure,’ Buffy thought, suppressing the urge to frown. ‘I have to stop comparing every guy to him. There’s no one else like him…and I don’t think I want there to be another William in my life.’

“Well, he’s intelligent, fairly good-looking, sincere, very compassionate and sweet…” Buffy trailed off.

“So what you need is a bad boy,” Faith said. “And I’m sure we can find you one of those.” Buffy’s thoughts flickered back to the night at the Bronze when she had seen the hot brunette at the bar.

‘Yeah, he fits the rebellious image alright,’ she thought.

“Are you telling me I should dump Owen for some guy who might not be what I’m looking for?” Buffy asked.

“Buffy, you’re seventeen- it’s about having fun and not settling down with someone just to say you’ve got a boyfriend,” Faith replied. “You’re supposed to play the field and have a good time, not settling for one of the good guys. It’s not like you’re looking for marriage- go out and have fun.” Buffy took a deep breath and nodded.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” she said. “It’s time for me to go out and experience new things.”

* * * * *

“Faith, I don’t know how my dad is going to react to seeing a bill from Victoria’s Secret on his credit card statement,” Buffy said, looking at the pile of lingerie Faith was carrying around. “I don’t need any of that stuff. I mean, really, how many mesh thongs does a girl have to have?”

“They’re five for twenty-five dollars,” Faith replied. “You can’t go wrong buying them when they’re that cheap.”

“But I have tons of stuff at home,” Buffy said, slightly blushing when Faith picked up a sheer white nightie. “No, put that back.”

“Oh, come on, B,” Faith grinned. “Don’t you want to look all innocent and virginal when you’re seducing some guy?” Buffy blushed even more and crossed her arms.

“I don’t want it,” she said. “And besides, I’d have a good time explaining that to my mom if she ever saw it.”

“What? Your mom doesn’t think you ever got bouncy with your ex-boyfriend?” Faith asked.

“Faith!” Buffy said, playfully punching her friend’s arm. “Do you have to be so loud?” Faith laughed and handed Buffy the lingerie she had collected. “She’s going to flip out anyways when she sees the new wardrobe you bought for me.” Faith smiled.

“She wants you to be happy, doesn’t she?” she asked. “And if wearing those clothes makes you happy, then that’s all that matters, doesn’t it?” Buffy sighed and headed towards the cashier.

‘Who says I’m happy in those clothes?’ Buffy thought as she handed everything to the girl behind the cash register.

“Yeah, I suppose you’re right,” Buffy said, shrugging.

‘She’s still going to flip out,’ she said to herself as she watched the prices show up on the screen. ‘Oh god.’

“That’ll be $274.96, please,” the employee smiled. Buffy paled as Faith handed the girl Buffy’s father’s credit card.

“Thanks,” Buffy managed to say as the girl put everything in a bag. She signed the store’s copy of the receipt and quickly left before she decided to return everything.

‘Dad’s going to kill me,’ she thought.

* * * * *

That night, Buffy and Faith showed up at the Bronze, Buffy in one of the new outfits she had bought earlier that day. Thankfully, Joyce hadn’t been home when they left, so Buffy didn’t have to explain her wardrobe…yet.

“So, how did your conversation go with that Owen guy?” Faith asked as they walked towards the bar.

“What guy is happy about being dumped?” Buffy asked quietly, sitting on one of the barstools. “But he’ll be okay. He took it as a shock, which it was, but I’m sure he’ll move on in no time. It’s not like we were that serious or anything.” Faith ordered them both Cokes and snuck a silver flask out from under her skirt. “Faith!”

“What?” she asked, smiling. “I knew Wes wasn’t working tonight, and since you deserve a celebratory drink, I figured it’d be on me, in a manner of speaking.” Buffy giggled as Faith poured a liberal amount of liquor into her soda. Both girls picked up their drinks and looked at each other. “To new beginnings.”

“To new beginnings,” Buffy agreed, clinking her glass with Faith’s before drinking some of her soda.

‘To a new way of life,’ she thought, swallowing the liquid with a smile on her face.

Buffy felt like a new person. Maybe that’s because she was, to some extent.
By the time Willow got back from her Aunt’s and Cordelia came home after
her family vacation in the Bahamas, neither recognized Buffy. She didn’t
know whether that was good or bad, but she was also past the point of
caring.

Her mother hated the new look, except for her hair. Buffy had gotten
numerous compliments until she walked downstairs in a pair of low-slung
jeans and a shirt that could be classified as a bra. Joyce had practically
hit the ceiling, and there was at least one fight a day over the last few
weeks, but Buffy was determined to be her own person, and right now, she was
happy with the person she had turned into.

Standing in the Bronze, drinking a screwdriver with Faith, Buffy glanced
into her glass and noticed that it was mostly vodka with very little orange
juice. A month ago, a straight drink would have sent Buffy gagging into the
women’s restroom. Now it wasn’t a normal night unless she had at least
three drinks.

“Come on, B. Let’s dance.”

Buffy allowed Faith to pull her out on the dance floor. Raising her arms
above her head and letting her hips sway seductively, the two young women
were immediately enveloped by a group of frat guys from UCSunnydale, eagerly
hoping to get their attention.

* * * * *

Walking into the Bronze with Drusilla on his arm, Spike glanced around the
area. He’d just gotten back into town that night, and Dru had immediately
wanted to go to the club, even though Spike had jetlag from hell.

“Come on, my Spike,” Dru said, using her new name for him as they slowly
walked through the club.

His eyes fell on the dance floor where he saw a blonde in black leather
pants and a red corset top, swaying seductively to the music. He couldn’t
see her face, but he felt drawn to her as she continued to move in a manner
that practically oozed sex. Seconds before she was about to turn around,
Spike felt a jerk on his arm and turned to see the angry gaze of his
girlfriend as she pulled him toward a nearby table.

With one last glance at the dance floor, Spike sighed when he saw that the
girl had been surrounded by a group of men.

* * * * *

When the song ended, Buffy gasped for breath as Faith shot her a bright
smile. Brushing off any offers they were getting, the two girls walked
toward the bar. Buffy was surprised that Faith hadn’t ditched her for one
of the guys, but it was still early.

“Can I buy you ladies a drink?”

Never one to refuse an offer, Buffy turned with a seductive smile already
firmly in place. Her eyes widened when she saw the owner of the voice
before her mask fell back in place.

“I don’t see why not,” she replied with a flirty smile.

Ordering three shots of whiskey, Buffy could almost feel her stomach turning
at the idea of more alcohol, but the tall man flashed a winning smile, and
she instantly shrugged off the feeling.

Faith accepted her shot glass before shooting Buffy a look and eyeing the
brunette man.

“I’m Buffy,” she said with a bright smile, giving the man a coy look.
“Buffy Summers.”

“Angelus O’Connor,” he replied, taking her hand and leaving a soft kiss on
it, smiling when he saw the delicate blush that colored her cheeks. The
woman was practically exuding sex, and she was blushing from a kiss on the
hand. “I’m a junior at UCSunnydale.”

“Senior at Sunnydale High,” she replied, figuring that she might as well be
honest. If he was going to leave because of her age, she preferred that it
happened now.

Angelus recognized the look on her face as she waited for a potential
dismissal, but he simply gestured at the drink in her hand. “That’s not
doing much good in the glass,” he said with a winning smile.

Buffy glanced at the shot before tilting her head back and letting the
liquid slide down her throat. Resisting the urge to make a face as the
alcohol burned through her, she immediately felt lightheaded, blinking
rapidly to try and refocus her eyes.

Turning to face the dance floor, Buffy frowned when she saw a man sitting at
a nearby table. Willing her eyes to stay focused, she studied him for a
moment before she realized that it was William. Spinning around as he
turned in her direction, Buffy grabbed Faith’s arm, jerking her away from
her conversation with a college guy.

“He’s here,” she hissed, not wanting to risk him seeing her as she let Faith
partially hide her from view.

“Who’s here?”

“William!”

“No shit? Where is he?”

Buffy pointed out the table and ducked behind her friend again as Faith
turned around.

“Damn! That’s the guy you’ve been getting your naughty on with? I can see
why you’d pine away for him. And I’m guessing the vampire he’s sitting with
is his new squeeze?”

“Yeah,” Buffy said softly. “What do I do?”

“That’s easy. Hey, you!” Buffy turned in time to see Faith yell at Angel
who was still standing a few feet away. “You know how to dance, right?”

“Well, I-“

“Great!” Faith interrupted, shoving Buffy in his direction. “She needs to
work off some frustration.”

Angelus raised an eyebrow but wasn’t about to back down from dancing with
the blonde. Holding out his hand to her, he waited until Buffy hesitantly
took it before walking toward the dance floor.

Pulling her back against his chest, Angelus moved slightly, suppressing a
groan when he felt her push against him. Sliding his arms around her waist
and holding her flush against his body, enjoying the feel of her soft curves
against him as she turned in his arms, letting her hands trail over his
chest.

“Is it working?” he whispered in her ear, smiling against her skin when he
felt her shiver.

“What?” she asked breathlessly.

“Working off your ‘frustration’?”

“It’s a start,” Buffy murmured, willing herself not to look over at the
table.

* * * * *

Spike looked up from his drink, already bored with the conversation with
Drusilla as she went off on one of her rants, talking to two of her friends
at the table. Spike had no interest in talking to the morons. He preferred
looking for the enticing little blonde that he’d spotted when he walked in.
He’d seen her at the bar a few minutes before, but she hadn’t been where he
could see her face.

Glancing at the dance floor, he was surprised to see her in the arms of an
overbearing oaf of a man. And he was more surprised at the flash of
jealousy he felt. ‘You’ve never even seen the chit’s face.’

Waiting until they turned, Spike nearly choked on his drink when he saw that
she was his ex-girlfriend. Her curves were shown off in a way that Spike
had never seen and her hair was shorter, falling around her shoulders. It
was more blonde than he remembered, and the way she was moving was causing
him to become painfully hard in his jeans.

‘You’re the one who broke it off,’ he tried to tell himself as he looked at
his current girlfriend before letting his gaze travel back to the blonde.
‘You wanted Dru and you broke Buffy’s heart and…bloody hell, she looks
good.’

* * * * *

“Do you want to get out of here?” Angelus whispered into her ear.

Glancing at Faith at the bar, Buffy could swear she was a mind reader as the
other girl gestured for her to go with him. “Yeah,” Buffy whispered, biting
her lip in uncertainty as he took her hand and led her toward the door.

“I’ll go get the car,” he said, giving her a soft kiss on the cheek when
they walked into the alley.

Buffy nodded, slightly dizzy from the alcohol as leaned against the side of
the building. Hearing the door open and close behind her, her entire
body tensed when she heard the one voice she wished she could forget.

“Buffy?”

She slowly turned around to come face-to-face with William.

‘Why today? Why now?’ she asked herself. ‘Can’t I just have one good night without someone ruining it?’

He looked up and down her body, still stunned at how much she had changed.

‘I always knew she had that body,’ he thought. ‘I’ve just never seen her show off so much of it before.’

She was thankful to see that his own transformation had stopped with the still platinum blonde hair.

“Hi,” she said quietly, praying that Angelus would return quickly and whisk her away. “So, you’re back.”

“Yeah,” he replied, putting his hands in his pockets. “You look different.” She nodded, looking around to see if Angelus was any closer to rescuing her. “Took a page out of my book, eh?” She looked at him, an eyebrow raised and her arms crossed.

“What does that mean?” she asked. He noticed that her eyes were glassy.

‘She’s drunk,’ he thought, yet again shocked by how different she had become. ‘What happened to her?’

“It just means that I changed my look, and apparently, you did, too,” he said, trying to mask his concern for her.

“Girls change their style all of the time,” she said, turning her back to him.

“So why’d you do it then?” he asked, somewhat hurt by the fact that she had turned away from him.

“Because I wanted to try something new,” she answered. “I happen to like the revamped Buffy, thank you very much.” He smiled slightly and frowned as a brunette girl came outside, dressed similarly to Buffy.

“Hey,” Faith said, handing Buffy her purse. “Don’t want to forget this.” Buffy smiled at the girl.

“Thanks,” she said, taking her bag and getting even more anxious for Angelus to come back.

“So, who are you, blondie?” Faith asked William, not wanting to point out that Buffy had told her all about him already, an act which Buffy greatly appreciated.

“I’m Spike,” he said, extending a hand to the brunette. Both girls raised an eyebrow.

‘What? Is he joking?’ Buffy thought, staring at him.

“You changed your name?” she asked, watching as Faith shook his hand.

“Dru gave it to me,” he said quietly, choosing not to look at his ex-girlfriend.

‘Oh, isn’t that just adorable,’ she thought, frowning.

“I’m Faith,” her friend finally said. “Well, I’ll let you go on ahead, B, and I’ll call you tomorrow.” Buffy nodded and watched as Faith went back inside.

“So, that girl’s your friend?” he asked, tilting his head as he looked at Buffy.

“Yeah. Do you have a problem with her?” she asked defensively, glaring at him. He raised his hands in surrender.

“No,” he answered. “I just wouldn’t expect you to be friends with a girl like her.”

“Yeah, well, expect the unexpected,” Buffy said, turning away from him again. “It’s not like you know who I am anymore, Spike.” He cocked an eyebrow and nodded, looking away as clenched his jaw.

“So, the new version of Buffy is bitchy,” he said. “Good to know.” She turned around, staring at him.

“Yeah? And what the hell is up with the name ‘Spike’?” she asked. “You sound like an inmate.” She giggled to herself. “Do you have a heart tattoo with ‘Mom’ written inside it? Or better yet, it would be ‘Mum’, wouldn’t it?” She continued to drunkenly laugh as Angelus finally pulled up. He got out of the car and walked over to the two blondes.

“Ready to go, Buffy?” he asked, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. Spike tried to control his jealousy, fighting off the urge to punch the brunette man.

‘Why is he touching her?’ he thought. ‘No one should touch her…but she’s not yours anymore, you ponce, because you let her go. For the girl who’s still inside the club and probably hasn’t even realized that you left the table yet.’

Angelus looked at him and extended a hand.

“Angelus O’Connor,” he said, and Spike hesitantly shook his hand, making sure to squeeze it as tightly as he could.

“Spike Giles,” he said, glaring slightly at the taller man.

“Nice to meet you,” Angelus said, smirking at him.

The door opened behind Spike, and he was surprised to see Drusilla standing there suddenly. Buffy looked at the girl maliciously.

“Well, hello, Buffy,” Dru said, looking at her. “I like your outfit. I used to have a top like that.”

‘Why am I not surprised?’ Buffy thought, leaning into Angelus’ side more.

“Thanks,” she replied, managing an insincere smile at the other girl. “Well, it was good to see you two again, but we need to head off. See you at school.” Angelus took her hand in his and led her towards his car, helping her get in before driving away. Spike watched the car speed off with a concerned and angry look on his face.

“Come on, precious Spike,” Dru purred at him, linking her arm with his. “Let’s go back inside.” He nodded and followed her in, all the while worried about Buffy.

* * * * *

When Buffy woke up the next morning, she raised an eyebrow when she saw an arm draped over her side. She froze when she realized that both her and whoever she was with were naked. She looked around the unfamiliar room and felt nauseous.

‘What’s going on?’ she thought, trying to sit up but failing as the effects of her hangover kicked in. She lay back down, shutting her eyes as the pounding headache that had suddenly developed was now threatening to make her throw up. She saw that there were beer bottles and other empty liquor bottles scattered around and narrowed her eyes at them. ‘Of course- I just had to drink last night.’ She groaned quietly as her head began to hurt even more. ‘Why did I drink so much in the first place?’ She slowly turned over to look at the person beside her. ‘Angelus?’ She began to feel even sicker as she realized she was unable to remember what had happened the night before. ‘Oh god, what have I done?’

Slowly pushing herself out of bed, Buffy grabbed a nearby blanket, wrapping
it around herself in a modest attempt to cover her nudity. Trying to ignore
the pounding in her head as she gathered her clothes, she froze when she saw
a movement out of the corner of her eye.

“Where are you rushing off to, baby?”

“I, um…I figured I should go ahead and leave…you might have an early day,”
she added nervously.

Angelus rolled over, looking at the clock on his nightstand. “It’s already
past ten. Stay. I’ll make us some breakfast,” he said with a smile.

Buffy was about to decline the offer when she felt herself pulled back down
to the bed. Tensing up with the uneasiness of the situation, she gave him a
soft smile when he attempted to take things further.

“I should really go,” she whispered, turning her head as he tried to kiss
her.

“No. I’m up,” he replied, recognizing her nervous signals and sitting up in
bed, running a hand over his face. ‘I’ll just have to be more careful about
getting this one in my bed again,’ he thought, hiding his smirk. ‘Give her
a little bit of romance.’

“What do you want for breakfast?” he asked.

“I’m really not all that hungry,” Buffy said, avoiding his gaze as she
clutched the blanket even tighter.

“Get dressed and I’ll make us some coffee.”

Buffy blushed when he got out of bed, not at all concerned with his nudity.

“I had fun last night,” Angelus continued. “I’d like to do it again
sometime.”

“I-I don’t know, Angel. I mean…you seem like a nice enough guy, but I just
don’t think I’m ready for…this kind of relationship.”

Breathing a sigh of relief when she saw him slipping on a pair of
sweatpants, Buffy moderately relaxed.

“Well, last night was a bit rushed for me, but I was thinking we could see
each other in a non-alcoholic sense,” he replied with a charming smile,
designed to melt any woman’s heart.

Buffy worried her bottom lip for a long moment as she thought about what
he’d said. “You don’t strike me as the type of guy who wants a
relationship,” she finally said softly.

“I wasn’t,” Angelus said, keeping his smile firmly in place. “Until you
came along.”

He watched as Buffy blushed, looking at the floor.

‘And because I’d rather be getting it from you than half the girls in this
town,’ he thought with a secret smirk, walking toward the kitchen.

Buffy quickly ran for the bathroom, dressing in the clothes she’d worn the
night before and looking at herself in the mirror. Last night she felt like
a temptress. Just another girl out to have a good time. In the harsh light
of day, she felt like a slut. Staring at the form-fitting corset and leather
pants, not to mention her teased hair, no doubt a result from what they’d
been doing just hours before, Buffy felt the sudden urge to get sick.

She was on the pill and she vaguely remembered seeing a condom wrapper on
the nightstand, so at least that gave her a small sense of relief, but not
the fact that she slept with a man she barely knew. She wasn’t that type of
girl. She and William had lost their virginity to each other when they were
fifteen, which was extremely young, but they’d been dating for over a year
and it seemed like it was time.

She definitely didn’t meet strange men and go back to their apartments.
Seeing a black shirt on the back of the door, Buffy grabbed it and eagerly
buttoned it over the corset, providing a much needed sense of modesty. The
shirt was massive on her, but she felt more secure as she rolled up the
sleeves so they didn’t cover her hands.

Taking a deep breath, Buffy opened the door, slowly walking down the hall to
the fresh smell of coffee.

“Morning,” Angelus said with a bright smile.

“You seem more awake,” she commented, trying to smile as she took a seat at
the counter.

“Coffee helps,” he replied, offering her a mug.

“Thanks,” she murmured, looking into the bitter liquid and grimacing before
taking a long swallow and feeling her stomach roll in response.

“Good?”

“Can I have some water?”

Angelus smiled, offering a glass that was ready for her, along with two
pills.

Buffy eagerly took them and drained the glass.

“I really would like to see you again,” he said with a gentle smile.

‘It’s time to move on, it’s time to move on…’

“I’d love to.”

* * * * *

Grateful that Angelus was letting her borrow his shirt, Buffy stepped out of
his car after giving him his requested kiss. She waved as he pulled away
before turning to the house, never so happy that her mother was out of town.

Walking toward the front door, Buffy felt her heart nearly stop in her chest
when she saw Spike leaning against the front door, taking in her appearance.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, digging in her purse for her keys.

“Looking for you.”

Glancing at him before quickly looking away, Buffy jerked the keys out of
her purse. “Have you been here all night?”

“No,” he replied, stepping aside as she unlocked the door and turned back to
him. “Less than an hour.”

“What do you want, William?”

“It’s Spike.”

“Whatever.”

Spike sighed, glancing down at his feet as he shoved his hands in the
pockets of his duster. “Did you sleep with him?”

Buffy’s eyes narrowed as anger clouded her vision. “Where the hell do you
get off asking me that?! You’ve been fucking another girl for seven months,
and you’re asking me about my sex life?! You have a lot of nerve, Spike!”

“You can do better,” he replied quietly.

“Really?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest. “Who?”

“What?”

“Who the hell is better, Spike? What guy, in your expert opinion, is better
for me? I want a name.”

Looking down at the ground, Spike searched his brain for an answer before
raising his eyes to hers. “No one…no one is good enough for you,” he
whispered.

“So…in other words…I can’t do better. In that case, I think I’ll take my
chances with the guy who wants to be with me.”

“You shouldn’t be with someone just because they want to be with you.”

“Yeah? You’re a fucking expert on that subject,” Buffy said through
clenched teeth. Walking through the door, she turned and saw the
crestfallen look on his face before taking a deep breath.
“Goodbye…William.”

“Thanks, Angelus,” Buffy said, smiling at him as he pulled up in the parking lot of Sunnydale High School. “You really didn’t have to drive me.”

“Come on- my princess deserves nothing but the best on her first day of senior year,” he replied, smirking at her as he leaned over to kiss her. She smiled against his lips and grabbed her backpack. “Besides, you look beautiful in the morning.” She blushed slightly and opened the car door. “So, am I coming for you after school?”

“No, I think I’m going to try to have some quality friend time,” she answered, shrugging.

‘Good. I think Darla wanted to come over this afternoon anyway,’ he thought.

“Well, I guess I’ll talk to you later,” he said. “Good luck.” She took a deep breath and got out of the car. He watched her for a moment before speeding off. As she was walking towards the front doors, she saw Spike watching her, leaning against the side of his car with a frown on his face.

‘I wonder where Lady Skank is this morning,’ Buffy thought, looking away from him as she reached the doors and walked inside. Opening her locker, she sighed when she felt someone standing beside her. Turning to see Spike standing there, an angry look replacing his prior upset one, she raised an eyebrow at him.

“So, getting rides now with the great poof?” he asked, crossing his arms. She rolled her eyes.

“Yeah,” she answered. “So what? I can’t get rides to school unless it’s you taking me?” He looked away. “So, where’s your precious Dru?”

“She doesn’t have class first hour this semester, so she doesn’t have to come for another hour,” he said.

“Oh,” she replied. He nodded, looking at her again.

“You know, I could drive you on days when that ponce can’t,” he offered, his tone somewhat hopeful.

“Thanks, but no thanks,” she said sternly, getting her morning textbooks. “I think I can manage just fine without your help. Been doing it long enough.” He frowned.

“So, what happened to the leather get-up you were wearing the other day?” Spike asked, taking in her low-rise jeans and black tank top.

“I’d rather be comfortable at school than wearing something that sticks to your skin when it’s hot,” Buffy replied, looking pensively into her locker. “Besides, I don’t want to be ogled by the guys here.” He chuckled slightly, and she looked at him. “So, what’s your first class?”

“Trigonometry,” he answered. “What about you?” She suppressed the urge to groan.

“I have Trig, too,” she answered, and he smiled slightly. “Well, how is that for a coincidence?”

“Yeah,” he agreed, watching her close her locker. “So, shall we go?” She looked at him for a second before nodding.

“Yeah,” Buffy said softly. “Let’s get this over with.” He led her towards their classroom, and they walked in together. Noticing that several students watched them with confused expressions, she felt like announcing to everyone that no, she was not with Spike again, but as he sat in the desk beside her, she sighed instead and grabbed her supplies for class.

‘This is going to be a long year, isn’t it?’ she asked herself.

* * * * *

When it was time for lunch, Willow met Buffy by her locker and smiled at her friend.

“Hey,” she said. “It’s been a long time.” Buffy frowned and nodded sadly.

“Yeah, I’m sorry, Will,” she apologized. “I’ve been really busy these last few weeks.”

“Yeah, I saw you with that Faith girl one day at the mall,” she said. Buffy nodded and swapped her books, preparing for her afternoon classes.

“Yeah, Faith helped me buy a new wardrobe,” Buffy said. Suddenly, she heard Willow gasp and looked at her friend, seeing the surprise in her eyes. “What is it?” She pointed to the picture in Buffy’s locker of Angelus kissing her.

“What did I miss?” she asked, staring at Buffy. “Are you two…together?”

“Yeah,” Buffy answered, realizing that she hadn’t told Willow about it.

‘I’m such a bad friend,’ she thought. ‘I haven’t even seen her over the last month. I’ve always been too busy with Angelus.’

“Wow,” Willow said. “I never would have expected that hook-up. He seems so different from you.”

“I guess,” Buffy shrugged. “But sometimes we’re so similar it’s scary.” Willow managed a small smile.

“Well, you’ll have to give me all of the details during lunch,” she said. Buffy smiled and nodded, following Willow to the cafeteria after shutting her locker.

After sitting down at the table, Buffy was surprised to see the looks on her friends’ faces.

“What? Is there something in my teeth?” she asked, panicking. Xander chuckled and smiled at her.

“No,” he answered. “It’s just been such a long time since we’ve seen you. You’ve been MIA, Buff.”

“I know, and I’m sorry,” she said sincerely. “But I promise I’ll be around more.” Willow smiled at her friend, even though she had a feeling that Buffy really wouldn’t be around as much as they’d like her to be.

‘Not if that broody brunette is hanging around,’ she thought. ‘I’ll probably only see her at school from now on.’ She looked down and sighed, and when Buffy saw her friend’s sad expression, she realized that she was going to have to make a greater effort to patch up her friendship with Willow.

‘It’s the least I can do,’ she said to herself.

“So, Buff, you going to the big beach party this weekend?” Xander asked.

“Planning on it,” she replied softly.

“Are you bringing the new guy?” Williow asked.

“I-I don’t have to…I mean, if it’s friends only, that’s totally cool.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Willow replied with a soft smile. “I’ll be with Oz and a bunch of other people are bringing dates.”

“Okay,” Buffy said with a smile, grateful that her friend was trying to accept her choices.

* * * * *

After school, Buffy went to her locker to dump off the books she wouldn’t need for homework.

“Hey, luv,” Spike said, appearing beside her. She looked at him, surprised. “So, is the magnificent poofter picking you up?” She shook her head. “Dru is going to a friend’s house, so I can drive you home, if you’d like.”

“I think I’ll walk, thanks,” she said, shutting her locker and walking away from him. He frowned and quickly caught up to her as she got outside.

“Come on, Buffy,” he said, trying not to sound like he was pleading.

‘I just want to spend some time alone with her again,’ he thought, looking at her.

“I’d rather walk, Spike,” she said, walking faster, but it didn’t stop him from keeping up with her.

“It looks like it’s going to rain,” he replied. “I don’t want you to walk in the rain. You could get a cold.”

“Well, it’d be a good excuse to stay home from school,” she said, shrugging, and he grabbed her arm to stop her.

“I’d like to drive you,” he said, looking directly into her eyes. She recognized the sparkle he had in them and quickly looked away.

“I like walking in the rain,” she said, breaking away from his grip. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He watched her walk away from him and sighed, clenching his jaw and fists.

‘She’s always so bloody stubborn,’ he thought. ‘But then again, that’s one of the things I love most about her.’ He paused and made a face. ‘Loved, not love. It’s one of the things I loved about her.’ He sighed. ‘Oh, who am I kidding?’

Pulling up into a nearby parking lot, Buffy nervously fidgeted with her
t-shirt as Angelus parked the car.

“You okay?” he asked, brushing her hair off her shoulder as he looked at her
with eyes filled with concern.

“Fine,” Buffy said with a smile that was clearly forced.

“You’re sure?”

”Yeah,” she replied, grabbing her bag and getting out of the car before the
questioning went any further. She didn’t know why she was so on edge with
the idea of Angelus meeting her friends, but she couldn’t seem to calm down.
They were from two different halves of her own personal world, and the idea
of bringing them together wasn’t settling her nerves.

Walking toward the beach, Buffy felt Angelus’ hand on her back and had to
fight the urge to shrug it off. She was standing out in the open and a
sudden claustrophobic sense was surrounding her. Wanting to settle her
fears, Buffy reached back and clasped his hand in hers, closing the
distance.

Several girls were giving Angelus appreciative glances, and Buffy felt a
small sense of pride, but it quickly vanished when she saw Spike with his
arms around Dru.

‘It’s been months- get over him!’

Tightening her grip on Angelus’ hand, Buffy tore her gaze away from the
other couple and walked over to Willow and Oz, giving them each a tentative
smile as she made introductions.

“I’ve heard a lot about you,” Angelus said with a charming smile, shaking
Willow’s hand.

“Yeah…you too,” she replied, quickly pulling her hand away and taking a step
back.

“Hey, man,” Oz said with a slight nod before wrapping an arm around Willow’s
shoulders.

Oz’s stoic nature didn’t surprise Buffy, but Willow’s uneasiness wasn’t
settling Buffy’s nerves at all.

'She never seems skittish of people,' Buffy thought, a little surprised. 'I wonder if something's wrong.'

Before Buffy could ask, Angelus' voice interrupted her thoughts.

“You want to go swimming, babe?”

Buffy nodded, slipping out of her shorts and pulling her shirt over her
head, blushing when she saw Angelus’ strong gaze perusing her body with a
smirk on his lips.

“Wh-“

Before the question was even past her lips, she gave a muffled squeal when
his mouth crashed down on hers in a brutal kiss.

* * * * *

Spike’s eyes trailed over Buffy as she walked toward her friends, speaking for a
few moments before stripping down to a navy blue string bikini. He felt his
mouth go dry and his cock harden at the sight of her bronzed skin and toned
body exposed to every hungry gaze on the beach. His eyes narrowed in anger
as he watched the overgrown ape that she was with crush his lips against
hers, only feeling a small sense of satisfaction when he saw how rigid her
reaction was. The satisfaction was short-lived when he realized that she
shouldn’t have that reaction with a man she wanted to be with.

Watching her carefully for several moments as Buffy extracted herself from
his arms, Spike felt a mild sense of relief. Something about this guy
rubbed him the wrong way, and Spike didn’t like the feelings he was getting.

“Would you like to go swimming, my Spike?”

Subtly glancing at Buffy as she walked toward the water's edge with Angelus
following behind her and checking out her ass, Spike turned toward his
girlfriend as she removed her clothes, revealing a black one-piece.

‘I used to tell Buffy she didn’t need to diet,’ he thought, looking at
Drusilla’s gaunt frame. ‘And then I break up with her for someone who
doesn’t even eat.’

“You go,” Spike said softly, brushing a kiss along her cheek. “I’ll find
you later.”

Dru shrugged before walking with a few of her friends toward the water.
Spike’s eyes drifted further down the beach, seeing Angelus scoop Buffy into
his arms, splashing water around both of them.

‘That’s supposed to be me…that should have been me.’

Closing his eyes against the thoughts that were assaulting him on a more
regular basis, Spike sighed and began walking down the beach, seeing Willow
and Oz talking a few yards away.

“Hi, Will…I mean Spike,” Willow said with a smile.

“Red, Oz.”

Oz nodded a greeting as Spike turned toward the ocean again. “So you met
the great poofter?”

“Angelus?” Willow asked. “Yeah.”

“What do you think?”

“He gives me the creeps,” she replied, shooting a nervous glance in Buffy’s
direction. “There’s just something about him that makes my skin crawl.”

“Is he good to her?”

“I really wouldn’t know,” Willow said softly. “The only time I see Buffy is
at school. She’s cutting herself off from everyone, hanging out with that
Faith girl and spending the night with Angelus whenever she gets a chance.”

“What does Joyce say?” Spike asked in surprise.

“She’s been out of town a lot more. I don’t even think she knows that
Buffy’s seeing anyone- she just knows about the makeover. And whenever
she’s in town, I think Buffy’s using Faith as an excuse at night, but that’s
just my opinion.”

“And I’m betting Joyce hit the roof with the new wardrobe.”

“That would be my guess,” Willow said. “It’s not exactly in Buffy’s comfort
zone. At least, not the Buffy I knew,” she added in a wistful tone.

“Do you think she’s doing drugs?” Spike asked, looking out at the water
where Buffy was swimming.

“No,” Willow replied, shaking her head. “But I know she’s drinking a lot
more…a lot more.”

“What happened?” Spike whispered to himself. ‘She was fine after we broke
up…as fine as could be expected, and then months later, she turns into a
completely different person.’

“What’s with the sudden interest?” Willow asked, looking at him curiously.

“I’m just worried about her,” Spike said quietly. “I was with her for
years…feel like I need to take care of her.”

“You still love her,” Oz said in a casual voice, not making eye contact with
the other man as he waved at someone down the beach.

“Love’s a strong word,” Spike replied as Oz turned his gaze back to him.

“Yeah…it is.”

* * * * *

When Angelus and Buffy emerged from the water and returned to the sand to grab their towels, Spike couldn’t help but look at her, noticing the droplets of water falling from her hair and rolling down her skin.

‘God, I miss her,’ he thought, sighing. Dru looked at him, sitting beside him on a blanket.

“Spike, I’m cold,” she said, getting his attention. He looked at her and frowned, instantly wrapping his arms around her, trying to generate heat for her. It was around then that Buffy noticed the two and frowned.

‘He used to do that for me,’ she thought. Angelus ran his hands up and down her arms, trying to keep her warm and she tried to give him a grateful smile before sitting with Willow and Oz. Angelus put his watch back on and looked at the time.

“Sorry, babe, but I have to go,” he said, trying to sound as apologetic and sincere as possible. Buffy looked at him, confused. “Remember? I have that meeting to go to tonight at the frat house.”

“Oh, that’s right,” Buffy said, frowning and standing up again. “Well, have a good night. Maybe I can see you tomorrow.” He nodded and leaned down to kiss her. “Bye, Angelus.”

“Bye, beautiful,” he replied, smiling at her before grabbing the rest of his stuff and walking towards the parking lot.

At the same time, Dru began to get dressed again and packed up her stuff.

“Want to leave, luv?” Spike asked, looking at her. She stood up and brushed the sand off of her clothes.

“Some of the girls and I are going out soon,” she answered, smiling as several of her friends walked over to the blanket. Spike frowned, not remembering Dru telling him about her plans.

“Do you want me to drive you?” he asked, standing up. She looked at him and shook her head.

“No, I’ve got a ride,” she answered. “But thank you.” He nodded and folded up the blanket. “I’ll see you tomorrow, darling Spike.” She kissed his cheek and followed her friends to their cars in the lot. He took a deep breath before looking at Willow, Oz, and Buffy about one hundred feet over.

‘What happened to Captain Forehead?’ he thought, surprised. ‘He already left?’

Willow noticed Spike looking at them and waved at him to come over. He hesitantly did, worried about how Buffy would react to him joining the group. As he sat down beside her, she visibly flinched and looked down. ‘I wish she’d be comfortable around me again. It would make things so much easier.’

“Hey,” Willow said, smiling at Spike. “A few people are coming soon to start a bonfire. Do you want to stick around?” He noticed that Buffy was watching him out of the corner of her eye.

“Sure,” he answered, shrugging. “Sounds like fun.” Buffy looked away, frowning. “Unless I’m not wanted.”

“Of course you are,” Willow replied, looking at Buffy for a second. “Right?” Oz nodded, and Buffy sighed.

“Sure,” she answered. “Why not?” Spike was surprised at her dreary tone.

“Well, then I guess I’m staying,” he said. She looked at him, and when he looked back at her, their eyes locked for a moment before she scowled at him and looked down.

‘Yep, she’s still the new reformed Buffy,’ he thought sadly. ‘I wish I could change her back…I wish I could change it all back.’

* * * * *

As the sun began to set, Riley, Sam, Cordelia, and Xander showed up, and all four guys began to build the bonfire. The girls sat back and watched them, starting a conversation amongst themselves. Spike was surprised that the guys were so inviting towards him, considering he hadn’t really talked to any of them since he broke up with Buffy and began dating Dru.

‘Can’t say I blame them,’ he thought, building up a pyramid of logs with Oz. ‘They were just being loyal to their friend. I would’ve done the same thing.’ He looked over at Buffy and quietly sighed.

“So, what’s the deal with you and Spike tonight?” Cordelia asked, looking at Buffy. “Are you two starting to patch up your friendship?” Buffy shook her head.

“No, he was here with Dru, and I was here with Angelus,” she began to explain. “Both of our significant others left, and now it’s just us left. We’re not hooking back up, if that’s what you’re thinking.” Cordelia looked at Willow for a moment, and Willow nodded to affirm what Buffy said.

“Did you meet the infamous Angelus, Willow?” Sam asked, and Willow nodded sheepishly. “What’d you think of him?”

“He seems…cool,” she said, trying to carefully choose her words while not giving away how she really felt through her facial expressions. Buffy looked at her. “He seems like a good guy.”

‘She’s got to be able to tell I’m lying,’ Willow thought. ‘I suck at lying.’

“Yeah?” Buffy asked, surprised. “It seemed like you got a bad vibe from him or something.”

‘Or maybe my lying skills are improving,’ Willow thought, surprised that Buffy hadn’t picked up on the truth.

“Well, hopefully we can meet him soon,” Cordelia said. “Are you going to take him to Homecoming?”

“Yeah, if he’s around,” Buffy replied. “He’s busy a lot.” She saw Spike talking with the guys and tried not to smile when he started chuckling at something Xander said.

‘I’ve missed seeing him laugh like that,’ she thought. ‘It seems like it’s been forever since he hung out with the group…but it’s not like I’ve been with them a lot, either.’

Riley came over to the girls and helped Sam stand up from her spot on a towel.

“Ready to warm up?” he asked the girls, smiling. Everyone nodded and got up, following him towards the rest of the guys.

Oz and Spike threw matches on the pile of logs, and instantly, they lit up, kicking off the bonfire. Buffy saw that there were four long logs, one on every side of the fire, and realized that the couples would all be sharing one. Once everyone sat down, she hesitantly sat on one with Spike. He looked at her and smiled.

‘Maybe things are looking up after all,’ he thought. She looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

“What are you looking at?” she asked sharply.

‘Or maybe not.’

* * * * *

A couple of hours passed, and the couples split apart from each other, walking around on the beach or going into the water. Buffy got up eventually and walked down the beach for a while before sitting on a big rock, looking up at the sky. Spike decided to follow her, smiling as he noticed her hair and skin gleaming in the moonlight.

“Is there any room left on the rock?” he asked, stopping to stand beside her. She looked at him and frowned. “Please?” He did his trademark pout, and she smiled slightly.

‘He still knows how to break down my defenses,’ she thought.

“Sure,” she conceded, scooting over so he could sit beside her. He smirked as he sat down and looked at the water.

“It’s beautiful here at night,” he said conversationally. “I don’t remember the last time I’ve seen this place when it’s been dark outside.”

“Me either,” Buffy said. “I think the last time I was here at night was last fall. Early October, maybe.” He looked at her.

“Was that the week before Homecoming?” he asked, and she nodded. “Yeah, I remember that night.” She looked at him, surprised. “We came here and watched the sunset before walking around the beach. You stubbed your toe on a rock, and I had to carry you back to the car.” She giggled at the memory, and he smiled.

‘I’ve missed that sound,’ he thought, taking a deep breath.

“Well, maybe if you hadn’t thrown me into the water, I wouldn’t have chased you in revenge and tripped on that stupid rock,” she replied, smiling. “You owed me.” He smirked at her, and she quickly looked away, instantly regretting bringing up the past.

‘Why did I have to say anything in the first place?’ she asked herself. ‘I should’ve just kept quiet.’ She shivered slightly from the cold wind that began to blow past them. He looked at her, concerned.

“Are you cold?” he asked, and she nodded slightly, not choosing to look at him. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, and she tensed up. “Is this okay?” She looked at him and saw the insecurity in his eyes, something she hadn’t seen in a long time.

“Yeah,” she answered quietly. “It’s fine.” They exchanged small smiles before looking at the water together.

* * * * *

“We should probably get going,” Spike said, standing up about an hour later. She looked at him.

“’We’?” she asked, raising an eyebrow and collecting her stuff.

“Yeah,” he answered. “I’m taking you home, aren’t I?”

“Since when?” Buffy asked, not remembering anyone mentioning that to her before.

“Since everyone else is already packing up and driving off,” he answered, watching the other couples head towards their cars. “So, what do you say? Do I get to drive you, Miss Daisy?” She started giggling and walked towards the parking lot with him in tow. When they reached his car, they put their stuff in the backseat, and he started the car before taking the longer route to her house.

‘The longer she’s with me, the safer I know she is,’ he thought. She stayed quiet for most of the drive, looking outside.

“It’s such a clear night,” Spike said casually. “It’s not too often that you can see the stars around here.”

“Yeah,” she agreed, curling up in her seat and looking at him. “And the moon looks beautiful tonight, too.” He smiled at her and turned on the radio. She made a face when British punk rock music started blaring in the car. “Turn this off!” she shouted over the song. “It’s horrible!”

“It’s the Sex Pistols,” he said defensively, even though he was smirking. “You used to like a couple of their songs.”

“Yeah, that was before,” Buffy replied, and both of them looked at each other for a moment before an awkward silence settled around them.

When he pulled up in front of her house, she grabbed her stuff from the backseat and looked at him.

“Thanks for the ride,” she said quietly as Spike gave her a soft smile. “I appreciate it. So, I guess I’ll see you at school.” He nodded, and before he knew what he was doing, he slowly leaned over and kissed her, feeling his stomach flip when Buffy returned the kiss before breaking away after a moment, her eyes wide.

‘Oh no,’ they both thought, separating even more from each other.

“Good night,” she said quickly, getting out of the car and practically running inside her house. He groaned in frustration and confusion, gripping the steering wheel tightly.

“What the bloody hell just happened?” he asked himself before speeding off.

Buffy hesitantly climbed in Angelus’ car. It was Monday morning, and she had
faked a headache for the remainder of the weekend so she wouldn’t have to
lie to her boyfriend. He had refused to take no for an answer when she told
him she would just walk to school.

“You feeling better, baby?”

“Yeah,” she said quietly, absentmindedly licking her lips and practically
feeling Spike’s mouth on hers.

“I missed you yesterday.”

“Yeah…I missed you, too.”

‘Good, Buffy, sound even more unconvincing.’

“Did you have fun at the party?”

“I got to see my friends, so that’s always nice,” she responded
automatically as she stared out the window.

“That’s good, babe. Sorry I couldn’t stay longer. Maybe you and I could go
to the beach and have a private party this weekend,” Angelus said with a
smirk, reaching over and running his hand along her thigh.

“This weekend is Homecoming,” Buffy said softly.

“Yeah? Are you planning on going?”

‘I was.’

“No, I think I’ll just skip it. It’s not like there’s a lot of reason for
me to be there.”

“I can think of a good reason,” he replied with a smile.

“And what would that be?” Buffy asked, finally looking into his piercing
brown eyes.

“I get to see you dressed up in some sexy little number.”

“You would want to go with me?” she asked in surprise.

“Sure, why not?”

“I just didn’t imagine a high school dance being a place that you would want
to spend a Saturday night.”

“That was before I met you, princess,” Angelus replied, taking her hand in
his and leaving a gentle kiss on the back of it.

Buffy smiled, her first genuine smile since the beach party. “You really
want to go?” she asked as he pulled into the school parking lot.

“Absolutely,” he said with a smile. “You better get to class.”

“Yeah,” Buffy replied, grabbing her book bag and reaching for the door
handle.

“Hey,” Angelus said, stopping her before she could exit the car. “Don’t I
get a kiss?”

* * * * *

Spike watched from the entrance of the school as Buffy leaned over and
kissed her so-called boyfriend goodbye. Waving as he drove away, she turned
and saw Spike standing in front of her.

“Hi, Spike,” she murmured, figuring she owed him some type of acknowledgment
as she tried to walk by.

“We need to talk, Buffy,” he whispered, falling into step beside her.

With a heavy sigh, she turned to face him, looking up at him with pleading
eyes. “If that’s what you want…but not here.”

Spike glanced around the overcrowded school hallways before his gaze fell
back to Buffy. “Alright then,” he said with a small smile. “When?”

Becoming more uncomfortable as they continued to attract more stares from
the student population, she began to edge away from him. “After school.”

Spike nodded, watching as she turned and practically ran down the hall.

* * * * *

Buffy’s nerve was gone by the time school ended. Her Trig class seemed to
crawl by, with Spike trying to talk to her throughout the entire hour,
obviously growing frustrated since Buffy ignored him. The rest of the day
flew by, and she no longer had the desire or the willpower to talk to Spike.
Ready to make a break for it when the last bell rang, she was stopped by the
school Guidance Counselor who insisted the students call her Hallie.

“Buffy, I’m so happy I caught you,” she said with a friendly smile. “I
wanted to let you know that you are one of the candidates for Homecoming
queen.”

“Me?” Buffy asked in disbelief as she pointed to herself.

“Of course you, silly,” she said with a laugh. “I’m trying to tell all of
the candidates so that they will be sure and make it to the dance.”

“Thanks,” Buffy mumbled, turning and walking toward the doors, not seeing
Spike until it was too late.

“Can we not do this now?” she asked, trying to walk past him.

“You told me after school and I waited, so we’re doing this now,” he
replied, falling into step beside her.

“Spike, it’s been a long day and I just want to go home.”

“Then I’ll drive you.”

“That’s okay,” Buffy replied, shooting him a look.

“Then I’m walking with you.”

Whirling around to face him, her jaw set in a firm line, Buffy stared at him
for a moment. “Won’t your girlfriend miss you?” she asked, crossing her
arms over her chest.

“I don’t know and right now I really don’t care.”

“That doesn’t sound like the healthiest relationship,” she said with a
raised eyebrow. “Trouble in paradise?”

“Get in the car, Buffy,” Spike growled, pointing toward the Desoto.

Looking back and forth between the car and Spike for a moment, her eyes
narrowed. “I’ll get in the car, but get one thing straight- the only reason
I’m doing this is because I know you’ll follow me home if I walk, and this
means I have to spend less time with you…got it?”

“Got it,” Spike muttered, trying to control his temper before following her
toward the Desoto and closing the door after her.

Buffy stared out the window for several minutes before she realized that
Spike wasn’t driving her toward her house. “Spike, where the hell are you
taking me?”

“A place where we can talk.”

“We can talk while you’re driving! I don’t really feel like getting
kidnapped today.”

“I’ll take you home, Goldilocks, but I’m not going to run the risk of having
you jump out of the car and run into the safety of your house when things
get a little tough.”

Angrily slouching down in the seat, Buffy watched as he made several turns
and groaned when he pulled up to a hill that overlooked the town.

“What’s this? A little reminiscing?” she asked, climbing out of the car to
get away from the infuriating man sitting next to her.

“It’s private,” Spike said softly as he followed her. “We won’t be
interrupted…do you remember the first time we came here?”

“I remember it was a long walk,” Buffy shot back, avoiding his eyes as she
climbed to the top of the hill.

“I remember it being worth it.”

“What do you want, Spike?” Buffy asked, spinning around to face him. “I
know you didn’t bring me here just to remind me of a painful memory.”

“I know you didn’t mean it,” he said, his voice a soft whisper as he walked
toward her. “I know you wouldn’t take back that night for anything in the
world, because I sure as hell wouldn’t.”

Trying to keep her anger close to the surface to mask the pain and
confusion, Buffy turned to look at him with cold eyes. “We fucked…big
deal.”

“It was more than that,” he replied, grabbing her arm as she tried to turn
away again. “You told me you wished that it never happened…is that true?”

Her eyes darted around the area as she tried to come up with an answer.
Sighing in defeat when he tilted her chin up to look at him, Buffy shook her
head. “I wouldn’t take it back,” she whispered, closing her eyes to try and
keep the pain away.

Jumping away when she felt his lips brush tenderly over hers, Buffy’s hand
flew to her mouth in shock. “What the hell was that?!”

“I want you back, Buffy,” he said softly.

“Oh, you have got to be kidding me!” she yelled at the sky before turning
around and walking back to the car.

“Buffy!”

“No!” she cried, spinning around to face him. “What? You wanted to sow
your wild oats and then come back to me? It’s not gonna happen, Spike!
I’ve moved on and I don’t plan on going back to someone who dumped me when
the next best thing came along. I have someone in my life now,” she
continued, her voice dropping as she watched him approach.

“Do you love him?” he asked, his eyes narrowing as he watched her.

Taking a deep breath, Buffy searched herself for the answer, her eyes
fluttering around the area before settling on Spike again. “Yeah,” she
whispered, her eyes widening in shock when he started to laugh.

“Can I have a little more indecision with that answer?”

“Screw you, Spike,” she hissed, turning her back on him. “This isn’t going
to happen.”

“Why the hell not?”

“Because you left me!” she screamed, whirling around to face him as the
tears slipped down her cheeks. “I wasn’t enough for you, and you were too
much of a coward to tell me that, so you just waited until you had a back-up
whore lined up!”

“That’s not true,” he yelled, approaching her again. “You were never a
whore, and I never went looking for anyone else. I made a mistake! People
make mistakes, Buffy!”

“Yeah, they do…and I’m not about to make the same mistake with you,” Buffy
sighed, looking down as she worried her bottom lip for a moment. Slowly
raising her eyes to his when she saw that Spike was standing in front of her,
she continued, “I’m a different person now…I don’t know how to be that girl
anymore. To tell you the truth, I don’t want to be her,” she whispered.
“She was weak…she let herself get too involved and…I don’t want to be her,
Spike,” she repeated as tears streamed down her cheeks.

Taking another step forward, Spike wrapped her in his arms, closing his eyes
when he realized how right this felt…when he realized that Drusilla never
made him feel anything like this.

“It’s okay to be her,” he whispered, feeling her shoulders shake with the
force of her sobs. “I loved her…I love you.”

“But not enough,” she whispered, pulling away and wiping her eyes.

“Buffy-“

“Spike,” she interrupted. “Please take me home…I want to go home.”

By Friday, the school was buzzing with excitement for Homecoming. Buffy, on the other hand, was still indecisive about it, even though she knew she was going to go with Angelus. She was excited because it would be her last Homecoming of high school, but after Spike’s revelation on the hill, she didn’t know if she could handle being in a room with both of them at the same time.

‘Undoubtedly, Spike wants to kill Angelus,’ she thought. ‘Because I know I used to want to kill Dru. And now…now I just don’t know.’

When Willow went to Buffy’s locker before lunch, she noticed that her friend seemed deep in thought as she grabbed the things she needed for the afternoon.

“Hey,” she said, leaning on the locker beside Buffy’s. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah,” Buffy answered, looking at Willow, who didn’t seem to believe her at all. “What do you really think of Angelus?”

“Buffy,” Willow said hesitantly, not wanting to upset her friend. “He seems nice, but I…I don’t think he’s good for you. Something seems off with him, and I don’t know exactly what it is, but I just don’t feel comfortable around him.” Buffy sighed and closed her locker. “Why? What’s making you ask me about it? Did something happen with him?”

‘Something’s always happening with him,’ Buffy thought but decided not to answer her question, opting instead to ask her another question.

“Do you think I should break up with him?” she asked, looking at her friend with a sad expression.

“I think you should do whatever makes you happy,” Willow answered. “You’re only this age once, and if you don’t live life like you want to, then what’s the point of living?” Buffy managed a small smile and nodded. “If you’re happy with him and you like him, then I don’t see why you’d dump him. Maybe I read things wrong when I met him. I’m sure I’ll have a whole different opinion of him after Homecoming.”

‘Probably not, but a consoling and open-minded friend is a good one,’ Willow said to herself.

“Yeah,” Buffy agreed, beginning to walk beside Willow to the cafeteria.

‘Homecoming’s going to change things, isn’t it?’ she thought, her shoulders dropping and a frown settling over her features.

* * * * *

That night, Buffy went to the Bronze and met up with Faith after spending an hour of getting ready and arguing with her mother about her clothes.

‘I’ve been dressing like this for months now,’ Buffy thought as she walked into the club. ‘When is she going to lay off and let it go already?’ She saw Faith by the bar and walked over to her.

“Hey, Faith,” she smiled, happy to see her friend again after a long time of not even talking to her.

“Hey, B,” Faith replied, handing Buffy a cup. She raised an eyebrow. “A rum and Coke, one of your favorites.” Buffy smiled and accepted the cup, taking a sip of it. “So, what brings us together tonight?”

“I wanted to talk to you about some…relationship troubles,” Buffy said, carefully phrasing her answer.

“Well, let’s have a seat and figure things out then,” Faith said, walking over to an empty booth against the wall. Buffy sat across from her and took a deep breath. “So, what’s on your mind, blondie?”

“It’s about Angelus,” she said. “And a little about Spike.” Faith sighed and shook her head. “What?”

“Are you still aching for the Billy Idol clone?” she asked, studying the blonde as she looked away.

“More like he’s ‘still aching’ for me,” she answered, and Faith raised an eyebrow.

“Oh? Since when?” she asked, surprised at the turn of events.

“He told me the other day,” Buffy answered. “He told me that he wants me back.”

“And how did you reply to that?” Faith asked, tapping her fingers against the side of her glass.

“I told him that I didn’t want to be with him again,” Buffy answered. “I mean, he’s the one who left me for goth-girl, so why the hell should I go back to him? I don’t owe him anything, and I don’t want to be hurt again, especially by him.” She looked down. “But a part of me wanted to cave in, to be with him again.”

“Do you still love him?” Faith asked, drinking from her cup.

“Yes…no…I don’t know,” Buffy said. “He and I were together for so long, so it’s kind of hard not to love him anymore, but then again, he hurt me more than anyone ever has before, so that’s a good enough reason to hate him.” She sighed. “But I don’t. I still care about him, I still get jealous when I see him alone with Dru, and I still worry about him.” She paused, looking up at Faith. “That’s not good, is it?”

“It’s to be expected,” she shrugged. “You haven’t been together in a year, but it’s not like you never see him around. It makes sense that you still dig him- I know most girls in your position would agree with you.”

“But then what do I do about Angelus? He seems like such a great guy,” Buffy said. “He takes care of me, and he can be really sweet, and he’s been nothing but good to me.”

“Do you want to be with him still?” Faith asked, and Buffy hesitantly nodded. “You don’t seem so sure.”

“That’s because I’m not,” Buffy said. “After Spike told me he wants us to be together again, I don’t know how I feel about Angelus. I don’t know what to do anymore.”

“Has Angelus ever given you a reason to break it off with him?” Faith asked.

‘He let me get really drunk one night and slept with me,’ she thought. ‘That’s a good reason.’ She paused. ‘But other than that, no, not really.’

“No,” she finally answered, and Faith smiled.

“Well, there you go then,” she replied. “Stay with Angelus, and if something makes you change your mind about him, then give him the heave-ho and move on.” Buffy smiled at her friend and nodded. “Now, let’s turn that frown upside down and head to the dance-floor.” The girls got up and walked towards the group of dancing teenagers, letting themselves dance and be free of their thoughts for a while.

* * * * *

Spike watched from the balcony as Buffy and Faith walked to the bar, both of them getting their fourth drink of the night. He wanted to give Buffy the benefit of the doubt, but then he remembered what Willow had said about Buffy drinking a lot more. He took a deep breath and walked downstairs, heading to the bar. Before Buffy could take her drink from the bartender, Spike stepped in and grabbed it, holding it away from her. She stared at him.

“Spike?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. He saw that her eyes were glassy and knew right away that she wasn’t quite herself.

‘Of course she’s drunk,’ he thought. ‘It seems like she’s always drunk when she’s with this Faith chit.’

“Come on, Buffy,” he said, grabbing her arm. “I’m taking you home.” She wrenched her arm free of his grasp and pushed him away from her.

“I’m staying right here,” she replied. “I’m happy here. Aren’t I, Faith?”

“Yeah,” Faith said, stepping forward. “She’s staying with me, Billy. Got it?”

“No, I’m taking her home,” he said sharply, crossing his arms. “Can’t you see that she’s drunk?”

“What? I’m not drunk,” Buffy replied, giggling. “I’m just a tiny bit tipsy, is all.”

“Yeah, you’re on the right path to being pissed,” Spike said, grabbing her arm again.

“What’re you talking about? I’m not pissed- I’m happy,” Buffy said, giggling again.

“I didn’t mean pissed off- I meant drunk,” Spike said, frowning when she pushed him.

“Go away,” she said. “Run along to your precious Drusilla.” Buffy looked around the club. “Where is she? The queen of Skanktown didn’t come with you?” She grinned. “Wow, Spike, you’re really great with women.” He clenched his jaw. “Come on, Faith, I like this song.” She pulled her friend back to the dance-floor, and Spike watched them, even angrier than he was when he first came over to her.

‘God, it was never supposed to be this way,’ he thought before turning on his heel and storming out of the club. ‘But if this is how she wants to play the game, then I’ll let her…but not without cheating.’

Stumbling out of the club a few hours later, Buffy blinked several times,
trying to focus her eyesight as she reached for the brick wall to balance
herself. Faith had taken off with some guy over an hour ago, and now Buffy
was on her own to find her way home.

Taking several deep breaths, she walked slowly through the alley, deciding
that Angelus’ place was closer and she wouldn’t run the risk of getting
yelled at for walking in drunk.

‘I’ll go there,’ Buffy thought, swaying dizzily on her feet before sliding
down to the sidewalk. ‘As soon as I take a little rest…just for a minute.’

“Come on, luv. Up you go.”

Feeling herself hauled to her feet, Buffy spun around, losing her balance in
the process and clutching at the soft leather she came in contact with.
“Spike?” she asked in confusion, holding the lapels of his jacket.

“Yeah, sweetheart…it’s me.”

“I thought you left,” she murmured, leaning against him as he wrapped
an arm around her shoulders and slowly walked toward the parking lot.

“I thought so, too,” he muttered, his hold on her tightening when he felt
her stumble. “I couldn’t leave you alone…not when you’re like this.”

“Not when I’m like what?” Buffy asked, her foggy brain trying to understand
everything he was saying.

“Drunk off your ass.”

“You used to say I had a cute ass,” she giggled, leaning more heavily on
him.

“And my opinion hasn’t changed.”

Spike stopped when Buffy lost her footing. Waiting until she balanced
again, she reached a hand out and grabbed the wall, bracing herself as
another dizzy spell surrounded her.

“Spike?” she whispered, leaning against the bricks and letting her eyes
drift shut. “Who are you?”

“You know who I am, luv. You’ve known me for years,” he murmured, standing
in front of her and holding her upright.

“No,” she replied, shaking her head. “I mean, who is ‘Spike’? I don’t know
him- I know William. Why aren’t you ‘William’ anymore?”

“The same reason you aren’t Buffy anymore.”

Buffy giggled at his reasoning. “Silly boy,” she said, punching him on his
shoulder. “I am Buffy.”

“But you’re not the same…I guess we both grew up.”

“Grew apart,” she corrected with a frown, becoming a little more focused on
the conversation as her good mood seemed to evaporate. ‘Am I dreaming?’ she
wondered as she looked into his concerned eyes

“I guess so,” he whispered, seeing her eyes focus a little more before they
began to tear up.

“I loved you, William,” she said in a choked voice, talking to the man in
front of her as he faded in and out of her eyesight. “I loved you, so
much…why did you hurt me? Why didn’t you stay with me? I would have given
you everything…I would have given you anything you wanted.”

Spike took several deep breaths as his own eyes began to water. “I’m sorry, Buffy,” he said softly, pulling her into his arms when she began to cry. “I never wanted to hurt you…never.”

“I felt like I was dying…I woke up everyday and I couldn’t breathe. I just
missed you so much.”

“Is that why you did this?” he asked, pulling away from her slightly as he
gestured at the leather pants and red halter that she was wearing.

“I don’t know why I did this,” she replied honestly. “Maybe I just wanted
to be the kind of girl that guys would want to be with instead of being the
one that they wanted to get away from.”

“I didn’t want to get away from you,” Spike said, his brow furrowed.

“Yes, you did,” Buffy said miserably as her head began spinning from the
effects of the alcohol. “Everyone always wants to get away from me. My
Dad, you…even my mom doesn’t like me anymore.”

“That’s not true, luv. Your mum loves you.” His eyes widened as an idea
hit him. Seeing an opportunity to get the truth out of her instead of a
sugar-coated lie, Spike pulled back to look in her eyes. “Are you with
Angelus because he wants to be with you?”

“Isn’t that a good enough reason?” she asked as if it was the most natural
response in the world before leaning her head back against the wall.

Narrowing his eyes, Spike studied her for a moment before speaking. “Did he
take advantage of you, Buffy?”

“What? Of course not,” she replied indignantly, her eyes opening a little
wider to focus on him.

“He did, didn’t he?” Spike growled, his eyes flashing with repressed anger.

“No,” Buffy said, shaking her head before letting it fall against Spike’s
chest in exhaustion. “I went back to his place and…”

Spike felt his heart clench and his stomach drop as he wrapped his arms
around her small form. “And what?”

“I don’t remember after that,” she murmured in a tired voice. “I woke up in
his bed. I don’t remember anything.”

“That son of a bitch!” Spike yelled, briefly considering letting go of Buffy
and tracking down the wanker before settling on slamming his fist into the
wall in front of him. He was surprised that he didn’t scare Buffy in the
process, but she stayed where she was.

“Spike,” Buffy whispered, her soft-spoken voice keeping him grounded in
reality. “He’s been a perfect gentleman ever since that night.”

“Ever since he raped you?!”

“He didn’t!” she yelled indignantly, pushing away from him and stumbling
down the sidewalk.

Spike chased after her, grabbing her arm to steady her when she tripped.
“Buffy, he got you drunk and-”

“No!” Buffy cried, turning around and hitting his chest with her small
fists. “He didn’t! It…it wasn’t like that…he…”

“I know you don’t want to hear this.”

“You’re right,” she muttered, her head spinning as she tried to focus on
him. “I don’t. I want to get out of here.”

“I’ll take you home.”

“No, I can’t go home,” she said, shaking her head. “I’m going to Angelus’.”

“The hell you are,” Spike replied, picking her up and walking toward his
car. “You can’t go home and that’s fine, but I’ll be damned if I leave you
with that pillock for him to…”

Buffy didn’t say anything as she let her head fall to his chest, exhaustion
taking precedent over everything. She was asleep before Spike even put her
in the car.

When Buffy woke up, she slowly opened her eyes and noticed that she wasn’t in her room, but it wasn’t unfamiliar to her. She started looking at particular things and frowned before becoming nauseous.

‘Why the hell am I in William’s bedroom?’ she asked herself, slowly sitting up before laying back down again, shutting her eyes and groaning. ‘And I’ve got such a hangover. I can’t believe I let something like this happen twice. Mental note- stop drinking so much.’ She paused, sighing. ‘And why am I alone?’ She opened her eyes again and turned on her side, looking at the clock on his bedside table. ‘It’s ten o’clock? Great, this will be fun to explain to Mom. And Homecoming is tonight.’ She began rubbing her temples, hoping that her headache would subside by the time she had to get ready for the dance.

The door slowly opened, and Spike walked into the room, holding a glass of water and aspirin. He closed the door with his foot and walked to the bed, sitting on the edge of it and looking at her.

“Hey, luv,” he said quietly, handing her the aspirin. “Take these and drink up.” She popped the pills in her mouth before grabbing the glass of water and drinking most of it.

“Thank you,” she said, handing him back the glass. “What happened? Why am I here?”

‘She doesn’t remember, does she?’ he thought, frowning. ‘What do I tell her?’

“What’s the last thing you remember?” he asked, running his hand over her hair.

“I remember Faith leaving with some guy and me stumbling out of the club,” she answered. “But that’s about it.”

“I was outside and saw you walking out, so I stepped in and brought you here,” he said. “I didn’t think Joyce would like you walking home alone, especially as drunk as you were.”

“Did anything happen, though?” she asked sadly, looking up at him.

“No, nothing happened,” he answered. “We talked, I brought you here, and you crashed on my bed.”

“Where were you?” she asked curiously.

“I slept on the couch,” he shrugged. “Thought it’d be easier for you. And I didn’t fancy you smacking me when you woke up.” She managed a small smile and looked away. “Why would you think that something happened? Because something happened with you and Angelus when you were drunk?” Her eyes widened.

“How did you know that?” she asked. He looked at her, frowning.

“Because you told me all about it last night,” he answered. She blushed, looking down.

“What did I tell you?” she asked quietly, angry that she couldn’t remember and that she had told him about the situation in the first place.

“That he got you drunk and slept with you,” he answered, trying to stay calm, even though he was becoming angry again at the mere thought of another man touching her, let alone sleeping with her when she was drunk and probably didn’t consent to it.

“I was drunk to begin with,” she said, closing her eyes. “It’s my fault, not his.” He raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, it is his fault,” he said sternly. “He shouldn’t have taken advantage of you like that, Buffy.” She looked at him.

“Don’t talk about things you don’t understand,” she said firmly, managing to stand up. He got up, too, and blocked the door. “Move, Spike. I need to go home.”

“No, you don’t,” he said. “I called Willow and had her call your mum to tell her that you stayed there last night so that Joyce wouldn’t be worried about you.”

‘He did that for me?’ she thought, surprised. ‘He really must care.’

“Spike, just let me leave,” she said, grabbing the doorknob. He put his hand on hers and looked into her eyes.

“I can’t let you stay with a guy like him, pet,” he said. “I can’t watch you be hurt.”

“Why? You did it to me once- was that too hard to watch, too? Because maybe you shouldn’t have done it then,” she said, pulling her hand away from his. “I have to go. I need to rest and get ready for the dance tonight.”

“If I see him there, I’m stepping in,” Spike said, his gaze intense.

“If you come near him, you’ll have to deal with me, and you know I have so much blackmail against you that I could ruin you for life,” Buffy said sharply, crossing her arms.

“Yeah? Give me an example,” he said, looking at her, intrigued.

“You cry during ‘Casper’,” she said, grinning mischievously. His eyes widened. “Let me leave.”

“I’m not kidding- I’m going to have a nice chat with him if he shows up with you tonight.”

“And I’ll tell the whole school that you wet the bed until you were seven,” she replied. His jaw dropped, his anger raging even more inside of him.

“I did not!” Spike said loudly.

“Yeah, but people would believe me,” she said, smiling at him. “Don’t come near him or me tonight. Got it?” He shook his head and slowly opened the door for her.

“You know I’m not going to let him keep you without a fight,” he said, looking at her. She sighed and nodded.

“I know,” she replied. “But you’re not going to win.” He watched her walk downstairs and through the front door.

“That bloody bint is going to be the death of me,” he said quietly.

* * * * *

When Buffy got home, she was thankful that her mom had already left for work. Walking up to her room, she grabbed her cordless phone before going into her bathroom and drawing a bath for herself. After pouring in liberal amounts of bubble bath and getting settled in the tub, she dialed Willow’s phone number, deciding that telling her friend the truth about things would alleviate a lot of the worry swirling around inside of her. After Willow answered, Buffy took a deep breath and tried to sound upbeat.

‘God knows she’s already jumping to conclusions about things,’ she thought. ‘I know I would be, too.’

“Hi, Willow,” Buffy said quietly. Willow was surprised to hear her friend’s voice but was glad to hear that she was okay.

“Buffy!” Willow replied. “Is everything okay? Spike said you were fine, but the fact that he was the one telling me that really threw me off. What happened?!”

“I got drunk at the Bronze, and Spike took me home with him,” she answered. “I don’t remember any details, but he kept me there so Mom wouldn’t find out I was drunk. That’s why he enlisted your help…did my mom believe you?”

“I think so,” Willow answered, frowning. “I told her that we went to the Bronze and that you fell asleep at my house. She was worried, but I think after talking to me, she stopped being so panicked…I don’t like lying to your mom, Buffy.”

“I know,” Buffy said quietly. “But I can’t thank you enough for it. You and Spike really saved my ass last night.”

“And not that I mind helping you because I really don’t, but you need to be careful,” Willow replied. “Buffy and alcohol have always been unmixy things, and I’m afraid something’s going to happen one day if you push it too far.”

‘Something did happen,’ Buffy thought, instantly remembering that Spike knew the story behind her first time with Angelus. ‘I really need to stop drinking.’

“I know,” Buffy said finally. “I’m going to try to be better, Willow, I really am. I just need to figure things out for myself.”

“And I’ll help you any way that I can,” Willow promised, getting Buffy to smile.

“Friends forever, right?” she asked, happy that things were starting to seem better for her, even though the Angel and Spike situation was still looming around her. Willow’s voice cut into her thoughts, affirming Buffy’s worries about their friendship.

“Forever,” Willow agreed.
* * * * *







A/N We want to thank everyone who voted for Twice Upon a Time as Best Spuffy Fic this week- it means a lot to us both and we're appreciative of the fact we were nominated in the first place:) And thanks to everyone for their continued support of the story!

Walking into the gym on Angelus’ arm, Buffy’s stomach was a ball of nerves.
Her eyes scanned the area as they walked through the crowd, looking for her
friends and preparing to intercept Spike if she needed to.

“Buffy, you look gorgeous!” Cordelia cried as she walked up to the couple.

“You too, Cordy!”

“And you are?” Cordy asked, turning toward Angelus with a fake smile.

“Angelus O’Connor,” he replied with his own smile, offering his hand. “It’s
a pleasure to meet you.”

Cordy’s smile turned genuine when he brought her hand to his lips and left a
gentle kiss on it.

“Who are you here with?” Buffy asked, smiling at her date when he hooked his
arm around her waist.

“Doyle. He went to get us some punch.”

Buffy was about to respond when Willow and Oz joined the group.

“Hi, guys,” Willow said brightly, wanting to give Angelus the benefit of the
doubt…at least until she had proof to the contrary.

“Wills, you look amazing,” Buffy said, giving her friend a hug.

“Goth alert,” Cordy muttered to the girls as Oz and Angelus began talking
about Oz’s band.

Buffy looked up, feeling her mouth go dry at the sight of Spike in an all
black suit. He wasn’t wearing a tie, choosing to leave the top buttons of
his shirt open, effectively making him the hottest guy in the room.
Drusilla was clinging to his arm, dressed in a red and black old-fashioned
dress, accentuating her skeletal arms.

‘That should be me,’ Buffy thought before shaking off the thought. ‘It
could be you, and you chose Angelus.’

* * * * *

Spike looked up as he walked into the gym, his eyes immediately settling on
Buffy. His blood pressure rose when he saw Angelus standing beside her.
Threats be damned, he was making good on his promise as soon as he got a
chance.

Studying her for a moment, he stared at the black dress that looked like a
second skin. Two spaghetti straps leading to a flattering sweetheart
neckline had Spike nearly gasping for air at the exposed cleavage. The
fabric clung to her body, and he had to restrain himself from walking over
and ravishing her when he saw the slit that extended up the length of her
thigh.

Drusilla led him over to her table of friends and sat down. Spike could
barely see through the crowd from his seat, and after several minutes, he
excused himself to get something to drink. Frowning when he looked around
the gym, he saw Oz onstage, getting ready to start the live music. Cordelia
was dancing with Doyle, and looking around the edge of the dance floor, Spike
finally spotted Angelus, Buffy, and Willow.

Willow was the first to see him coming and glanced at Buffy. Spike could
see her green eyes widen before he even approached.

“Why don’t you two dance for a while,” Buffy said with a smile. “I need to
go to the restroom.”

Angelus merely shrugged and offered Willow his arm. For her part, she kept
her cringe to a minimum as they walked onto the floor.

Buffy spun around on her heel and caught Spike as he reached the group,
grabbing him by the arm and jerking him into the hall.

“What the hell are you doing?” she asked, looking around and making sure
they were alone.

“I told you, luv. I planned on having a little chat with Captain Forehead
if you brought him tonight, and I don’t plan on backing down.”

“Spike, I don’t want you talking to him. Don’t think I won’t make good on
my threats.”

“I have plenty of information on you, princess…or did you forget?”

Buffy’s eyes narrowed as she looked at him. “What are you talking about?”

“How do you think your mum would react if she knew about some of your new
habits?”

“Like what?”

“Sleeping over at your boyfriend’s place.”

Her eyes widened as she took a step back. “Who told you that?” she asked in
a whisper.

Spike’s jaw clenched as he closed his eyes, trying to control his temper
before he said something he’d regret. “So it is true.”

“Jealous?” she asked through clenched teeth, angry at herself for being
tricked into admitting something she didn’t want to.

“Bloody right, I’m jealous,” he countered, taking a step forward and backing
Buffy into a wall.

“Spike…wh-what are you doing?” she asked, her voice coming out in a
breathless whisper.

“Taking back what’s mine,” he replied seconds before his lips met hers in a
tender kiss.

Responding to the kiss for a moment, Buffy’s brain finally caught up with
what he said as she pushed him away. “I’m not yours.”

Watching as she walked toward the door, Spike quickly caught up with her and
pressed his hand against the door, effectively keeping her from opening it.

“Spike, let me go,” she said, a desperate quality in her voice as she turned
around with pleading eyes. “Please.”

“I can’t,” he whispered. “I love you.”

“Don’t do this,” she said softly, shaking her head as tears clouded her
vision.

“Why? Are you starting to realize that you can’t love a rapist?”

“Stop using that word,” Buffy said through gritted teeth. “It was my fault
that I was so drunk…I knew what I was doing when I…when I told him I would
go home with him.”

The uncertainty in her voice reawakened the desire for violence in Spike as
he looked at the door, imagining Angelus’ face being smashed into it.

“You’re not safe with him,” he whispered, catching himself when Buffy shoved
him away.

Buffy jumped forward when the door opened behind her, nearly throwing her
into Spike’s arms.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Willow said, shooting a nervous glance back into the
gym. “But they’re going to announce the Homecoming queen and Angelus is about
to come looking for you.”

“Good,” Spike growled as Buffy shot him a look.

“I’ll be right in, Wills.”

The redhead nodded before disappearing through the door. “Don’t come near
him, Spike,” Buffy whispered, deciding to take a better approach.

Spike raised an eyebrow when she closed the distance between them, feeling
his breathing escalate when her small hands traced the muscles in his chest.

“Please.”

Her eyes were wide and innocent as she kept contact with his body.

“I’ll try,” he replied, his jaw clenched.

A genuine smile came across Buffy’s face before she hooked a hand around his
neck and pulled him down, leaving a gentle kiss on his cheek. Wiping the
lipstick off when she backed away, she breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank
you.”


* * * * *

After returning to Angelus in the gym and making up a lame excuse about why she had been gone for so long, Riley and Sam were announced as the Homecoming King and Queen. Buffy was happy for them, especially considering the fact that she didn’t feel like going onstage and leaving Angelus alone.

‘Because I could definitely see Spike walking over to him and starting something,’ she thought, feeling her boyfriend’s arm wrap around her.

“So, are you staying over tonight?” he asked her, his mouth close to her ear, making her shiver.

“Actually, Willow’s having an after-party, and it’s tradition for me to sleep over there,” she said, looking at the sad expression on his face. “Is that okay?”

“I guess,” he answered. “But it’d be nicer if you stayed the night at my place.” She frowned. “But if you want to hang out with your friends, it’s fine with me.” She smiled graciously at him and leaned against his side.

‘I’ll just make a couple of calls on my way home,’ he thought. ‘I’m sure I can find someone else to keep me warm tonight.’

Spike saw Buffy with Angelus and tried to restrain himself from going over there and pulling her away from him. Dru came over to him and noticed who he was looking at.

“What’s wrong, my Spike?” she asked, kissing his cheek. He looked at her and waved it off.

“It’s nothing,” he said, taking her hand in his. He saw Buffy and Angelus walking to the dance-floor and frowned. “Want to dance, pet?” She nodded and allowed him to lead her towards the rest of the dancing couples. He was close enough to Buffy and Angelus to watch her but far enough to not seem like he was purposely dancing with Dru so that he could keep an eye on his ex-girlfriend.

Willow was dancing with Xander right next to them and looked at Spike.

“Are you two coming to the party tonight?” she asked.

“Yeah, I am,” Spike answered before looking at Dru. “Want to come with me?”

“No, I’m going to the party at Amy’s,” she answered. “Did you forget?”

“Oh,” he replied, nodding. “Yeah. Sorry, luv, do you need a ride?”

“No,” she answered, surprised that he seemed so scatter-brained.

‘But then again, he’s been like that for awhile,’ she thought.

“Well, I guess I’ll see you tonight,” Willow said as the song ended. He nodded and watched Willow walk over to Buffy and Angelus with Xander.

‘I should be able to get my chance at Willow’s then,’ Spike thought. ‘This will be perfect.’

* * * * *

After leaving the dance, Angelus drove Buffy over to Willow’s house and stopped in front of it. She looked at him, confused.

“Aren’t you coming inside?” she asked, part of her hoping that he would while the other part was praying that he wouldn’t.

“No, I think I’m going to head home,” he replied. “I’m kind of tired, and I have an early morning.” She nodded, looking away. “Besides, you should spend some quality time with your friends.”

‘While I go to the Bronze and pick up a sweet young girl for the night,’ he thought, trying not to smirk.

“Okay,” she said, opening the car door. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow then?” He nodded. “Good night, Angelus.” She kissed his cheek and got out of the car.

“Good night, princess,” he said before she shut the door. He watched her walk inside before dialing a number on his cell phone. “Hi, Amy. Are you still going to the Bronze tonight with your friends?” He sped off into the night, never once thinking about the girl he had dropped off.

A few minutes later, Spike walked into Willow’s house, prepared to confront Angelus finally after waiting all night. When he saw Buffy talking with Willow and Cordelia, no Angelus in sight, he frowned.

‘Did the ponce not come?’ he thought. ‘I wonder if she told him not to so that I wouldn’t talk to him. Clever girl, she is. But one way or another, I’m still going to kick that wanker’s ass.’

Buffy saw him walk in and took a deep breath as he approached her and her friends.

“Hi, Spike,” Willow greeted. “I’m glad you could make it.”

“Of course,” he smiled. “It’s tradition, isn’t it?” Buffy looked at him and had flashbacks to the three Homecomings prior that they had attended together before coming to Willow’s and sleeping over.

“Do you want a drink?” Willow asked, and he shrugged. “Buffy, why don’t you go and get one, too? You just said that you’re thirsty.” She shot her friend a look before sighing.

“Yeah,” Buffy said quietly, not looking at Spike. “Let’s go.” He nodded and followed her into the kitchen, happy that they were alone. As she opened the door of the refrigerator, he put his hand on hers and kept her from opening it. “What’re you doing?”

“I didn’t come in here for something to drink,” he said, slowly running his hand over her bare shoulder and down her arm. “Where is he?”

“He was tired, so he went home,” she answered, not looking at him. “What does it matter?”

“You know why,” he answered, and she finally turned to look at him. He saw the sadness in her eyes and sighed. “Someone has to step in and talk to him, luv. He’s a monster.”

“What are you talking about?” she hissed. “He’s not a monster! He didn’t rape me, he didn’t force himself on me, and he’s never hurt me, so will you stop acting like he’s a criminal or something? You’re driving me insane!”

“The feeling’s mutual,” Spike replied, smirking. “But it’s not because of the ponce- it’s that dress.” He leaned forward to kiss her, but she pushed him back before their lips could make contact. “What’s wrong?”

“I have a boyfriend, you have a girlfriend, and you were the one who dumped me,” she replied. “This isn’t right, and I don’t cheat when I’m in a relationship. I’m not like you.” He clenched his jaw.

“I never cheated on you,” he said, crossing his arms. She scoffed, looking away.

“So you were just innocently talking to Dru when we were together? You never flirted with her, or lied to me about spending time with her…you didn’t dance with her at the Christmas Dance?!” Buffy asked loudly, her anger overpowering her. “Don’t tell me that you didn’t cheat on me because whether or not you realize it, you did, William.”

“What do you want me to say, Buffy?” he said sternly, looking at her. “I’m sorry. I’ll apologize the rest of my life for making the biggest mistake ever. I love you, and I’m always going to love you. And if you don’t want to be with me, then you’re making a mistake, too.” She took a deep breath.

“Wanting to be with you in the first place was a mistake,” she said before walking out of the kitchen, leaving him standing there alone, tears forming in his eyes.

Spike stayed in the kitchen, trying to keep his emotions and his temper under
control. He didn’t trust himself around Buffy, the way he was feeling.
Turning and walking through the backdoor, he searched his pockets, breathing
a sigh of relief when he found his cigarettes and his lighter. The same
lighter that Buffy had given him over a year ago, even though she hated his
smoking.

Lighting the cigarette, he absentmindedly opened and closed the lighter,
looking down at the inscription. It was the same inscription that he had
been studiously avoiding, never wanting to remember what he had willingly
given up, but at the same time keeping it close to him everyday.

‘Forever and For Always’

Shoving it in his pocket, Spike inhaled sharply, letting the smoke fill his
lungs and settle his nerves.

“How are you holding up?”

Turning at the familiar voice, he offered a tentative smile before facing
the backyard again.

“Same as always, Red.”

“I know it’s hard,” Willow said, leaning against the railing. “Being so
close and not being able to have what you want.”

“Sounds like you speak from experience,” Spike muttered.

“I am,” she replied. “It worked out okay for me…not the way I would have
thought or hoped a few years ago, but I have Oz now.”

“Xander?”

“Yeah,” she murmured, a soft smile on her face.

“You’re telling me to forget about her?”

“I’m not telling you anything, Spike. But she’s with someone else now, and
it’s not going to be as easy as telling her that you want her back and
expecting her to run at you with open arms. You hurt her. You hurt her
more than she’s willing to admit and she’s changed.”

“So, it’s my fault then?”

“I’ve got to be honest, I don’t think she would be drinking this much if you
were still with her.”

“You’re right,” Spike muttered miserably. “I drove her to this.”

“Maybe you can help her change back.”

“Not while she’s with the poofter that she calls a boyfriend.”

“You really hate him, don’t you?”

“Hate is a strong word…and it’s not nearly strong enough to describe how I
feel about him.”

“I know what you mean. I danced with him tonight, and it was like every part
of me was screaming to get away from him. I don’t know what Buffy sees in
him. I think he’s just a smooth talker who’s used to getting his way.”

“I want her away from him, Red. And not just because I’m jealous or I want
her back…I just don’t think she’s safe.”

“And what I think doesn’t matter?”

Both turned around to see Buffy standing behind them, her arms crossed over
her chest as she looked at Spike.

“Buffy,” Willow said, her eyes wide as she realized that Buffy heard what
she said. “I-I-“

“Willow, can I talk to Spike for a minute?”

“Yeah, I just-“

“Look…you’re allowed not to like my boyfriend. It’s fine. I just wish you
would have talked to me earlier.”

Willow nodded before walking back into her house.

“So you heard?” Spike asked, turning his back on her and inhaling on his
cigarette.

“Yeah…nothing I didn’t already know or suspect. I just didn’t think my best
friend and the one person I used to trust more than anyone would be talking
about me behind my back.”

“We’re just worried about you, luv.”

“Well, stop!” she cried, causing him to turn around and face her. “I’m a
big girl, Spike. I can take care of myself.”

“Really?” he asked in a low growl, stalking toward her.

Buffy swallowed nervously when she watched him throw his cigarette down before pressing her against the side of the house.

“You don’t look like you’re strong enough to handle another girl, much less
a full grown man who’s used to taking what he wants.”

“Do you want to test that theory?” Buffy asked in a breathy voice, jutting
her chin out defiantly.

Spike stared into her flashing eyes for a moment before a smirk crossed his
features. “There’s my girl,” he murmured, feeling moderately satisfied when
she glared at him.

“I’m not your girl.”

“You’ll always be mine. You said so yourself.”

“What?”

Extracting the lighter from his pocket, he held it in front of her for
inspection.

“Forever and for always,” she murmured, her lips tightening as she tried to
hold the tears back. “I was a different person then,” she said, looking up
at him, silently begging him to believe her.

“You’re still the same,” Spike said softly, running a hand over her hair and
looking at her through soft blue eyes. “You’re still the woman I want to be
with.”

“Stop saying that,” she whispered.

“You’re still the same.”

“Yeah?” Buffy asked, nearing her breaking point as she grabbed his coat and
used the momentum to swing them around until he was pressed against the
wall. “Was the old Buffy like this?” she whispered in a seductive voice,
never breaking eye contact as she ran her hands over his body.

“Buffy…what are you doing, pet?”

“I thought this was what you wanted,” she murmured, leaning forward and
letting her lips trail over his neck, gently biting down and smiling at the
shiver that raced through him. Her fingertips played with the waistband of
his pants before pressing her body against his and pulling away to look in
his eyes. “Now, tell me I’m not the same person.”

Moving to step away, Buffy gasped when she felt her arm grabbed in a firm
grip. “You’re playing a dangerous game, princess.”

Buffy shrugged, not backing down as she stared into his eyes. “I like the
rush.”

Arching an eyebrow at the casual statement, Spike’s other hand came up to
grab her other arm, pulling her flush against his body and smashing his lips
to hers. Buffy found herself eagerly kissing him back, getting lost in the
familiarity of his lips, before remembering that this wasn’t her boyfriend.

Taking a step back and breaking all contact with his body, their eyes
clashed for a long minute as they caught their breath.

“If you’re prepared to play the game…you’ve gotta be ready for everything.”

Buffy’s jaw tightened as she stared at him. “Leave me alone, Spike. Why
can’t you just go find your girlfriend and let me be happy?”

Watching as she turned and walked back into the house, closing the door
behind her, Spike sighed. “Because you’re not happy.”

* * * * *

After Buffy’s talk with Spike, she went up to Willow’s bedroom and decided to fall asleep, not wanting to deal with anyone or anything for the rest of the night. When she woke up, Cordelia was already gone, but Willow was just waking up.

“Hey,” she said quietly, yawning and stretching. “You disappeared pretty early last night. Were you okay?”

“Yeah,” Buffy answered, shrugging as she sat up. “I guess I was tuckered out.” Willow frowned slightly.

“Spike said you guys talked after I went back inside last night,” Willow said, getting out of bed. “What happened?”

“We talked,” Buffy answered, standing up. “That’s it. We just argued about things some more. You know how it is. The usual conversations he and I have.” She paused and looked down. “So, you really hate Angelus that much?”

“I wouldn’t say ‘hate’,” Willow replied. “He just seems off to me. Something about him screams ‘bad guy’ and I don’t know what it is, but I’ve been getting loads of warning signs from him.”

“Did he say anything to you while you were dancing last night?” Buffy asked curiously.

“We just talked about his classes and some random stuff for a bit,” Willow answered before taking a deep breath. “I wasn’t going to say anything, but while I’m being honest and laying things out there…” She paused and looked at her friend. “Buffy, I think he was coming on to me last night.”

“What makes you think that?” Buffy asked, both confused and surprised.

“He suggested that we have a threesome,” Willow said quietly, blushing. Buffy’s jaw dropped as she stared at the redhead. “He said it jokingly and all, but something in his eyes didn’t seem like he was trying to be funny.”

“So you think he’s trying to get us all in bed together?” Buffy asked, and Willow nodded. She burst out laughing, clutching her stomach from the force of it.

“What’s so funny?” Willow asked, raising an eyebrow. “I’m dead serious, Buffy.”

“Angelus…you…and I…in a bed,” Buffy managed to get out as she continued to laugh. She slowly calmed herself down, taking deep breaths. “He was just being Angelus. You don’t like him because he makes sexual jokes?”

“I don’t like him because he seems like a con artist who just wants to get into a girl’s pants,” Willow said, crossing her arms. Buffy stared at her before grabbing her stuff, packing it all up. “Buffy, don’t leave yet.”

“Why not?” she asked angrily. “You don’t like my boyfriend, you don’t like what I’ve been doing lately, and you don’t seem to support me at all anymore. Why should I stick around and hear more things you hate about me?”

“What? You know that’s not true, and I wouldn’t do something like that,” Willow said, stunned by Buffy’s words. “You’re my best friend, and I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“You know, every time someone says that to me, they end up hurting me anyways,” Buffy replied, walking towards the bedroom door to leave. “Including you.” She stormed down the hallway and walked downstairs.

“What’s going on, Red?” Spike asked, suddenly appearing in the doorway of her room, noticing that she had tears running down her cheeks. “Is everything okay?”

“No,” Willow said before she ran into the bathroom and slammed the door. Spike realized that Buffy must have just left and sprinted downstairs and out the door.

Catching up to her about three houses down, Spike was grateful that he was already dressed before chasing after her. When he was close enough, he grabbed Buffy’s arm and turned her around, forcing her to look at him as she clenched her jaw.

“What are you doing?” she asked sharply. “Can’t you ever just leave me the hell alone?”

“Not when you’re pushing everyone who cares about you away,” he replied, not letting go of her. “What did you say to Red? She’s bawling in her bathroom right now, and I know you’re the reason for it, so what did you do?”

“Everyone thinks they know what’s good for me,” Buffy said, trying to break away from him, but not succeeding. “Only I know what’s good for me, and I’m sick of people butting into my life and telling me what to do. I’m staying with Angelus, and I’m happy with the way I am. If none of you can see that, then you obviously are blind and can’t accept the fact that I’ve changed.”

“And look what you’ve changed into!” Spike yelled. “You’re an alcoholic who dresses in slutty clothes and is dating some wanker who slept with you when you were drunk!” She looked away, fighting the urge to cry as his tone softened. “Tell me, Buffy, is that really what you wanted from your life? Are you really happy with things? Because if you can look me in the eyes and say that you are, I’ll back off right now. But if you can’t, then I can help you change. All of us will. We all just want you to be happy.” She looked at him and let a tear fall. His features softened as he reached out to wipe the tear away, but she backed off and shook her head.

‘It wouldn’t be like this if he hadn’t dumped me,’ she thought.

“Screw you,” she replied before walking away from him, not looking back. He took a deep breath and slowly walked back to Willow’s house, getting his stuff and leaving.

‘What the hell does it take?’ he asked himself as he drove home. ‘I don’t know how to get through to her anymore.’

* * * * *

That week at school, Buffy kept her distance from everyone she once considered a friend. She went to the library during lunch and hid from Mr. Giles, not wanting to deal with him, as well. By the time Friday rolled around, she was excited to see Angelus again.

She called him as soon as she got home from school, only to find out that he had other plans for the night.

“I’m sorry, baby, but I’ve got an exam on Monday, and if I don’t study hard for it, I could fail the class,” he said. “But how about tomorrow night? Does that sound okay?”

“Sure,” she replied, shrugging it off. “Good luck studying tonight, and I’ll see you tomorrow.” She hung up and sighed before dialing Faith’s phone number. She, too, was busy.

“I’ve got a date with Wes from the Bronze,” she said, sounding excited. “But maybe later this weekend?”

“Sure,” Buffy said, not wanting to mention that she’d undoubtedly be busy with Angelus the next night. After hanging up with Faith, she went to her room and got dressed up to go out anyway.

‘If no one wants to see me, then I’m going to go out and be seen,’ she said, leaving her house and walking to the Bronze. On the way, she passed by Angelus’ place and saw that his car was gone. She raised an eyebrow. ‘Maybe he had something to do. Or maybe he’s getting food. Stop being so paranoid, Summers.’

When she walked into the Bronze, she headed straight to the bar and ordered a soda before going up to the balcony and sitting down at a table. She watched couples dancing below her and took a deep breath. ‘I should be down there right now, but no, I’ve got no one. I pushed all of my old friends away, and now, my boyfriend and new best friend aren’t even around.’ She sipped from her cup. ‘What’s happened to me? I used to be popular, and social, and people always surrounded me. Now I’m alone, lonely, and obviously unhappy.’ She finished her soda. ‘Spike was right about everything. He can still read me like a book.’ She saw him walk into the building and decided to go talk to him. ‘It’s time to stop burning bridges.’

Hesitantly walking down the stairs, Buffy headed toward the bar, seeing
Spike talking to another man there. With a shaky breath, she continued
walking, nervously biting her lower lip when she came to stand behind him.

Waiting until he finished his conversation, she saw the other man’s eyes
dart over to her and gestured to Spike. Turning around, he arched an
eyebrow when he saw Buffy behind him.

“Hi,” she whispered, nervousness coating her voice.

“Can I help you?” he asked coldly.

“C-can we talk?”

“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea,” he replied, crossing his arms
over his chest.

“It’s not?”

“Well, last time I tried to talk to you, I recall the phrase ‘screw you’
being directed at me, so no…I don’t think it would be a good idea.”

Buffy knew that she was getting what she deserved as she bit her lip and
nodded. “Sorry to bother you,” she whispered, turning around and walking
toward the door.

Sighing as he watched her walk away, his words from a few days before came
back to haunt him. ‘I can help you change…we all just want you to be
happy.’

Not even bothering to think about what he was doing, Spike was about to
chase after Buffy when he felt a hand on his arm. Turning in confusion, he
clenched his jaw when he saw Drusilla standing next to him.

“I thought you weren’t going to be here tonight, pet,” he muttered, looking
toward the door at the exact moment that it slammed shut.

“I thought you would miss me if I wasn’t nearby,” she said with an eerie
smile.

“You thought wrong,” he said softly.

“What’s wrong, my Spike?”

“We need to talk…”

* * * * *

Buffy avoided her mom as she walked into her house and up to her room.
Looking at herself in the mirror, she saw the tears in her eyes, the clothes
that she was wearing, and the heavy make-up, but she didn’t see herself.
She couldn’t see Buffy anymore…and it hurt.

Grabbing some clothes from the back of her closet, Buffy walked into her
bathroom, barely able to hold in the tears that were threatening to spill
over. Quickly washing off every trace of make-up, leaving the washcloth a
multitude of colors, her tears finally spilled when she saw her reflection.
She had spent the last few months avoiding looking in mirrors. She would do
her make-up or fix her hair, but she never really looked at herself.

Stripping off the leather pants, jacket, and midriff-baring halter, Buffy
changed into a pair of her old jeans and a thick, dark brown turtleneck,
feeling the need to be fully covered. Pulling the bobby pins from the
complex hairstyle, she let her hair spill around her shoulders and brushed
it until it glowed in the harsh light.

Seeing the girl that she used to be staring back at her, the tears turned
into sobs before she ran into her room and shut the door. She didn’t know
what was worse- seeing the woman that she had turned into or seeing the girl
she used to be. They were both extremes of the other and she didn’t know
how to find a happy medium.

Lying down on her bed, Buffy hugged a pillow to her chest, burying her face
in it as her body curled into itself, seeking protection and solace as her
sobs worsened.

* * * * *

Not knowing how long she had been lying there crying, Buffy jumped when she
heard a tapping on her window. Rolling over to look at the window, her eyes
widened when she saw Spike staring at her from the other side. Briefly
turning her back on him, Buffy wiped her eyes, trying to hide the worst of
the tears before walking around the bed and unlocking the window.

Taking a step back as he entered her room, Buffy avoided his eyes and hugged
her arms around her body, not bothering to ask what he was doing there. She
figured that he would answer that soon enough.

No words were spoken as Spike gently hooked a finger under her chin and
tilted her eyes up to his. His jaw clenched when he saw her bloodshot eyes,
still puffy from crying.

Her chin quivered as she managed to keep eye contact with him, and Spike’s
heart nearly broke when she closed the space between them and began crying
into his chest, her hands clutching at his duster as if she was afraid that
he would disappear. His arms immediately wrapped around her waist, holding
her as he listened to her muffled sobs.

“I didn’t mean it, princess,” he murmured into her hair. “I told you I want
you to be happy and I meant it.”

“Why do I feel like this, Will?” she whispered miserably, raising her eyes
to his once again while silent tears continued to trail down her cheeks.

Spike tenderly brushed each tear away as it fell. “You’re not happy,” he
said softly.

“But I should be…I should be overjoyed with my life, and instead I…”

“What can I do, luv?”

“Will you stay?” she asked hesitantly. “Will you just stay here with
me…just be my friend?”

“I can do that,” he whispered, shrugging out of his coat, surprised when she
grabbed his hand and led him to the bed. Spike lay down, relaxing when he
felt her body curl into his. “I like the new look,” he murmured, running
his hand over her arm.

“It’s not new…it’s old.”

“Then I like the old look,” he said with a grin.

“Don’t get used to it,” she said in a barely audible whisper.

“Why’s that?”

Buffy shrugged, feeling another bout of sadness overwhelm her.

“You don’t have to dress…the way you’ve been dressing to be yourself,
Buffy.”

“So you’re saying that I don’t have to dress like a slut to act like a
slut?”

“What?! Buffy, I would never-”

“Then I’m not an alcoholic who dresses in slutty clothes and sleeps with her
boyfriend when she’s drunk?”

“I didn’t mean it that way.”

“There’s not a lot of ways to take it, Spike,” she said miserably, burying
her head in his chest instead of pulling away.

“But that’s not…I just meant that…”

“Do me a favor,” she said, avoiding his advances to get her to look at him.
“Don’t try and make excuses. You meant what you said, and you were making
the right assumption…I’m sorry I can’t be the girl you want me to be.”

Spike’s arms tightened around her when he heard her whispered words. “I
want you, Buffy. I’m not looking for what we had- I’m looking for what we
could have.”

“I’m with someone, Spike…I’m not…I can’t give up on the person I love.”

Feeling his heart aching at her soft declaration, Spike tightened his jaw
when he felt her relax in his arms, obviously tired after crying for hours.
“Do you love him like you love me?” he whispered, his lips brushing over her
hair.

Closing her eyes and letting her exhaustion take over, she whispered, “I’ll
never love anyone like I love you.”

The following Monday, Buffy was on a mission to find Willow before school started so she could apologize. When she found her friend by her locker, she took a deep breath and stopped to stand beside her.

“Hi,” she said quietly, nervous to see if Willow would even talk to her. The redhead looked at her and smiled slightly.

“Hi, Buffy,” she replied. “What can I do for you?”

“I’m sorry for what I said to you the morning after Homecoming,” Buffy said, looking down. “I know that everyone’s been worried about me, and I guess I just got pushed too far and exploded. I’m sorry I took it out on you, and I know that you worry about me… and I’m grateful that I have a friend like you, Willow.” She looked at her again. “Are we still friends?”

“Of course, silly,” Willow said, smiling. “I’ve just been waiting for you to come to your senses.” Buffy smiled before playfully punching her friend in the arm. “I forgive you. I guess if I had people talking to me like Spike and I were to you, I would’ve gone crazy, too. I should’ve approached things better, and I’m sorry that you thought I was against you and didn’t support you. I always have, and I’ll continue to stand beside you until you tell me to bug off. Okay?” Buffy giggled and hugged her friend.

“Thank you,” she said quietly. “You don’t know how much that means to me.” Willow smiled and looked at her watch.

“Come on, let’s head to class,” she said, and Buffy nodded.

As the girls walked down the hallway together, Spike watched them as he stood by Drusilla at her locker. He couldn’t help but smile when he saw that they were back to talking again.

‘I wonder if stubborn Buffy finally apologized for treating Red so horribly,’ he thought before Riley’s voice interrupted his thoughts.

“You going to class, man?” he asked. Spike nodded and followed him, even though all he wanted to do at that moment was to go after Buffy and talk to her again.

‘I got through to her Friday night,’ he thought. ‘That was progress, but I’m not going to ease off until everything returns to normal. It has to.’

* * * * *

Time slowly passed, and Buffy began to patch up the relationships she had ignored while somewhat distancing herself from always spending time with Angelus or Faith on the weekends. Spike even went out of his way to see her sometimes. He didn’t mention Drusilla and Buffy never brought her up, but she’s heard the rumors circulating that they had broken up.

It was on one particular night during the first week of December when Spike went to Buffy’s house to watch movies with her, a reminder of how they used to be when they were still dating. While she poured popcorn into a bowl, he grabbed sodas for them and watched her, noticing how happy she seemed to be.

“What’s going on in that mind of yours, kitten?” he asked, smiling. She looked at him. “I haven’t seen you this happy in a long time.” She shrugged.

“I don’t know,” she replied. “Things just seem to be going right for me. My grades are getting better, I’m back to wearing comfortable clothes all of the time, things are going well with my friends and Angelus, Mom and I don’t fight as much anymore…my life’s getting better.”

“Glad to hear it,” he said, smiling at her. “Now, aren’t you happy that Red and I stepped in?”

“Trying to take all of the credit, eh?” she asked jokingly, playfully slapping his hand when he tried to take some of the popcorn she was holding. He pouted, and she smirked at him before going to the living room and sitting on the couch. Spike sat beside her and put their sodas on the table in front of them.

“So, what’s the flick tonight?” he asked, looking at her. She giggled and grabbed the remote. “What?”

“It’s a surprise,” she said, pressing the “Play” button. His eyes widened as the opening credits for “Casper” began to roll across the screen. She laughed at him, seeing his priceless facial expression.

“No bloody way,” he finally said, trying to grab the remote. “I’m not watching this.”

“Yes you are,” she said, putting the remote on the table. “Please? I haven’t watched it in such a long time.”

“Last Halloween,” he said quietly, looking at her. She nodded, sighing. “You were the hottest cheerleader I’ve ever seen.” She blushed and looked at the TV. He smiled at the memory and grabbed his soda. “You know, you’re the only person who knows that I like this movie.” She looked at him.

“Not even Drusilla?” she asked, somewhat surprised as he turned to look at her.

“Not even Drusilla,” he confirmed. “Only you.” Their eyes locked for a moment before turning back to the TV.

* * * * *

“So, who wants hot chocolate?” Joyce asked minutes after the movie ended. Spike indiscreetly wiped off his eyes and smiled when Buffy handed him a Kleenex with a playful smirk on her face.

“I’d love some,” he said. “With mini-marshmallows?” She smiled warmly and walked to the kitchen. “So, why is it that Joyce doesn’t seem like she wants to kill me anymore?”

“Because I told her to give you a chance again,” Buffy shrugged. “I figure since we’re trying the friends thing again, she might as well be civil to you.” He nodded and heard her cell phone ring, sitting on the table. She grabbed it and looked to see who the caller was, before making a face and choosing not to answer it.

“Who was it, luv?” he asked curiously. She looked at him.

“Just Angelus,” she answered. “I’ll call him later.” He smiled and looked down. Joyce came in with two mugs of hot chocolate and handed them to the two teenagers.

“Well, I think I’m going to head upstairs,” she said. “But it was nice seeing you again, Spike. Have a good night, you two.”

“Good night,” they both said in unison before looking at each other and smiling. Joyce laughed and walked upstairs.

“So, are you taking the pathetic poof to the Christmas Dance?” Spike asked casually, looking at the mini-marshmallows on the surface of his hot chocolate.

“Yeah, why?” she answered, blowing on the steaming liquid in her mug.

“Just wanted to know, is all,” he replied. “Insuring that you had a date.” She looked at him.

“Why? Were you going to ask me?” she giggled. “I don’t think Dru would like that.” He frowned. “Although, she took you away from me at last year’s dance, so I don’t see why I can’t return the favor this year.”

“Buffy,” he said in a soft tone as she smiled at him, but found that he couldn’t voice what he was thinking.

“I know, I know,” she replied. “I wouldn’t do such a thing.”

‘Even though sometimes I think I’d really like to,’ she thought.

“Speaking of Dru,” Buffy began. “Where is she tonight? I’m surprised she didn’t want you for herself.”

“I wouldn’t know,” he answered. “It’s nice to kick back with old friends, isn’t it?” She looked at him, seeing the sparkle in her eyes.

“Yeah,” she agreed. “It really is.”

“Hi, Angelus,” Buffy said, propping the phone up on her shoulder as she
washed the dishes.

“I haven’t heard from you in a while, baby.”

“I know, I’m sorry, but I’ve been busy lately.”

“Too busy for me?”

“I’ve just been catching up with my friends…what’s wrong with that?” Buffy
asked, suddenly becoming defensive.

“Nothing,” Angelus replied. “I just thought you might want to ‘catch up’
with me.”

Buffy could practically hear the smirk in his voice. “I’ll see you
tomorrow,” she said softly, hoping to steer him away from the fight that was
threatening to happen.

“Why not tonight?”

“I promised my mom that I would help out around the house.”

“You’d rather clean than be with me?”

Buffy was getting fed up with the controlling attitude. “You know, if you
have a problem with me, Angelus, why don’t you just come out and say it,”
Buffy demanded, grabbing the phone in a such a tight grip, she was surprised
it wasn’t cracking under the pressure.

“No problems, baby,” he said in a smooth voice. “I just miss you.”

“Yeah,” Buffy murmured, not returning the thought. “But I’ll see you soon.”

“Alright. Love ya, babe.”

“Yeah, me too,” she replied with less enthusiasm before hanging up the
phone.

* * * * *

Buffy tossed and turned in her bed as the images assaulted her.

“Will, what are we doing here?” Buffy asked as they climbed a hill
overlooking the city.

“I wanted to bring you someplace special, princess.”

“Why?”

“Because you deserve it,” he said in a husky whisper.

“I-I don’t understand,” Buffy said with a soft smile as William pulled her
down to sit next to him.

“I want to make love to you, Buffy,” he whispered, trailing kisses along her
collarbone and up her throat. “I’ll understand if you don’t want to, but if
you want me to be honest…”

“I’m ready, Will,” she said, a smile on her lips when he pulled back to look
at her. “It’s just…we’re only fifteen and I-“

“I want to be with you,” he murmured. “Whether we do this now or wait, I’ll
always want to be with you. It will always be you.”

Buffy didn’t answer as her lips met his in a tender kiss. A kiss filled
with such warmth and familiarity that it made her dizzy with the intense
emotions. His hands trailed along her body, sending chills through both of
them as he began undressing her.

His breath caught in his throat when he looked at her body. Her skin was
bathed in moonlight, and he felt his breath catch in his throat as he lowered
his lips to hers in a soft kiss.

Buffy gasped when she felt his hard shaft at her entrance. She didn’t know
when he took off his clothes, but that was the last thought on her mind as
he gently pushed into her inviting body. Pausing when she tensed up,
William’s lips met hers in another kiss.

“This will probably hurt, sweetheart,” he whispered against her lips,
seconds before tearing through her virginity. Buffy’s back arched into him,
but the pain was already lessening when he slowly rocked his hips against
hers. “I love you,” he whispered, his forehead pressed to hers. “I love
you so much.”

Trailing a hand along his cheek, Buffy smiled at the adoration in his eyes.
“I love you, too,” she said softly, closing her eyes at the sensations
flowing through her body.

Her body automatically braced herself against the assault it was suddenly
feeling. It was hard. More brutal, more violent. Buffy opened her eyes
and gasped when she saw Angelus on top of her, moving for his own pleasure,
not giving a second thought to her.

“No,” Buffy murmured, shaking her head back and forth. This didn’t feel
right. It wasn’t natural. It never felt right with Angelus.

Closing her eyes against the disturbing image, Buffy jumped when she felt
lips tenderly caress her shoulder and strong arms encircling her body.
Opening her eyes, it seemed to take them a minute to focus as the movements
became more caring.

“I’ve got you, princess. I’ll never let you go. I’ll always catch you.”

Letting her eyes focus, Buffy’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Spike?”
she whispered, seeing the shock of bleached hair. “Where’s Will? What
happened to William?”

“He’s here,” Spike replied, brushing his lips over hers in a tender caress.
“He’s always here- he’s just grown up a little more. He’s smarter now.”

Moving her body with his, Buffy arched her back, feeling comfort surround
her as her inner muscles tensed around him, triggering his own climax and
letting them fall over the edge together.

Breathing heavily for several long moments, Spike pulled back to look into
her eyes.

“Don’t let me go,” she said fearfully.

“Never.”

Breathing a sigh of relief, she looked up at him with a grateful expression,
surprised at the worried look in his eyes.

“You’re not safe with him, Buffy.”

“Am I safe with anyone?”

“Me.”

“You hurt me,” she whispered. “Why would I be any safer with you?”

“Because I’d do anything for you,” he said softly, letting his hand trail
over her hair. “Because I’d lay down my life for you, if it came to that.
I love you, Buffy…It will always be you.”

The words seemed to echo in Buffy’s head as she opened her eyes, letting her
gaze fall on her bedroom window and noticing that it was still dark outside.
Rubbing her eyes and trying to rub the memory of the dream away, Buffy sat
up in bed and looked around.

Studying her room for a few minutes, she couldn’t realize why it looked so
strange to her. Finally realizing what was wrong, Buffy noticed that she
didn’t have any pictures of Angelus anywhere. When she was with William,
his face covered every available surface. Now there was nothing to show
that she was even in a relationship.

Burying her face in her hands, Buffy sighed at the implications of her dream
and the lack of anything resembling the fact that she had a boyfriend.
“What the hell am I supposed to do?”

Buffy couldn’t forget the dream, even though she tried her best to as the Christmas Dance approached. By the time it was finally there, she was dreading the thought of going. She wasn’t looking forward to spending the night with Angelus and her friends in the same room, especially because she knew that no one liked him.

‘Sometimes, even I don’t particularly like him around,’ she thought as she took her dress out of her closet. The red satin halter-dress slid off of its hanger into her waiting hand, and she held it up to her, looking at herself in the mirror. ‘Perfect.’

As she was about to put it on, her phone rang, and she went to grab it.

“Hello?” she asked, returning to her mirror with the cordless phone in hand as she looked at the curly tendrils of hair framing her face.

“Hello, luv,” Spike said, smiling. “Sorry to interrupt the getting-ready process, but-”

“What’re you talking about?” she asked, frowning. “Why would you think I’m getting ready? The dance isn’t for another three hours.”

“Because, pet, I know you,” he answered, chuckling. “You get your hair done, come home and put on your dress, and then you choose your make-up before taking off the dress once again and putting whatever make-up you chose on. About twenty minutes before you leave, you put your dress on again, slide on some sexy heels, and run out of the house. Am I correct?” She grinned.

“Hush,” she said, giggling. “No one else has to know my routine.” He smiled. “What about you? Have you even taken a shower yet?”

“No, I was thinking of looking grungy tonight,” he joked, getting her to giggle again. “So, you sound like you’re in a good mood.”

“Yeah,” she said, shrugging. “I wasn’t before you called, but I guess your charm just does that to me.”

“Are you flirting with me, kitten?” he asked in a husky tone. She smiled as she began to get undressed.

“What? Of course not,” she said. “Have you forgotten that I’m already taken?”

“No, and that’s the reason I called,” he replied. “I wanted you to know that I’m going to talk to Angelus tonight. No matter how hard you try to keep me away from him or vice versa, I’m not putting this off anymore.”

“But you promised that you wouldn’t talk to him,” Buffy said, instantly becoming worried. “Remember?”

“I said that I’d try not to- I never promised,” he said sternly. “But I’m sick of this, luv. He’s not right for you, and everyone else agrees with me. Can’t you just give us the benefit of the doubt and dump him already?”

“He hasn’t given me a reason to dump him,” she said, sliding on her dress carefully so that she wouldn’t drop the phone. “Please don’t ruin tonight, Spike. Can’t you have some Christmas spirit?”

“I have Christmas spirit,” he replied, smirking. “I’ve got a present for him, too- a nice punch to the nose.”

“Spike,” she said in a warning tone. “Just let me have a good time tonight. You know how much I love dances.”

“That I do, but if he does anything wrong tonight, I’m not restraining myself from giving him a piece of my mind anymore,” he replied firmly.

“If you ruin tonight for me at all, I’m going to be giving you ‘a piece of mind’, as well. Got me?” she asked, grabbing lipstick and mascara.

“Is that a promise?” he joked, and she smiled before sighing. “So, I’ll see you at the dance, then?”

“Yeah,” she answered. “And Spike? Happy Anniversary.” He raised an eyebrow.

“What are you talking about?” he asked, confused.

“You and Dru have been together for a year as of today,” she said. “Which is kind of weird because I would’ve thought the dance would’ve fallen on a different day, but they scheduled it on the exact same date as last year. So…happy anniversary.”

He looked down, frowning before he spoke. “It’s not our anniversary,” he said softly.

“But I remember-”

“It’s not our anniversary because we broke up.”

“When?”

“Right after Homecoming.”

Buffy stayed quiet for a long moment. “Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked softly.

“Because I know you, pet. I didn’t want you to think that I broke up with her just to get you back. It wasn’t working and I ended it...rebuilding a friendship with you is just a bonus that I wasn’t expecting. I’ll see you at the dance, Princess.”

As he hung up, he looked at the clothes he had laid out on his bed for the dance.

“Buffy and I haven’t been together for exactly one year,” he said quietly to himself. “I was with the wrong woman for nearly a year and I’m no better off than I was before.”

* * * * *

As Buffy and Angelus walked inside Sunnydale High’s gymnasium, she had a funny feeling in the pit of her stomach.

‘That can’t be good,’ she thought, looking around the room at the decorations. ‘Although it looks so nice here tonight.’ Angelus leaned down and kissed her temple and Buffy managed to look up at him and give him a small smile.

“Have I told you how beautiful you look?” he asked, which reminded her of the year before when William had said something similar to her. She fought back the nausea that began to fill her and smiled.

“Thank you,” she replied. “You look pretty handsome, too. I’m happy we match.” She ran her fingers over the crimson tie he was wearing.

“So, I was thinking that you could spend the night tonight,” he said, wrapping his arms around her. “It’s been so long since you and I have shared a bed together.”

‘And for a lot of good reasons,’ she thought.

“I know,” she replied, trying to sound apologetic. “Let’s see how the night goes. Maybe I will.” He smirked and kissed her.

It was around the same time when Spike and Cordelia walked into the gym, their arms linked together in a friendly gesture, both knowing that there were no romantic intentions for either of them. Spike saw Angelus lean down to kiss Buffy and wanted to storm over there to pull the brunette away from her. When they broke apart from each other, she looked over at him and smiled softly, causing him to smile back at her.

‘As long as she’s okay, I guess I can sit tight,’ he thought. ‘As long as she’s here and I can watch out for her, she should be fine.’

Buffy and Angelus met up with all of her friends, and she was surprised when Spike came over to the group by himself. She indiscreetly smiled at him as he stood beside her.

“Hello, Buffy,” he said, trying to play it cool in front of Angelus.

‘Don’t need the wanker to throw the first punch,’ he thought. ‘I believe that’s my privilege, not his.’

“Hello, Spike,” she replied, feeling Angelus’ arms tighten around her waist slightly. “You and Cordy?”

“Last minute friends thing,” he answered, shrugging. “She’s getting punch.”

“You look very nice tonight,” Willow said, looking at him. “It still surprises me when guys get so dressed up.”

“Thank you,” he replied, looking between her and Buffy. “Everyone looks very beautiful tonight.” Buffy smiled and looked down.

‘Good,’ he thought. ‘I got to say it to her without the ponce suspecting anything…hopefully.’

“I like this song,” Buffy said, looking at Angelus. “Want to dance?” He nodded and was more than happy to lead her away from who he suspected was still his competition. They began to dance amongst several other couples, and Spike watched them, taking a deep breath.

“Want to dance?” Willow asked, looking at him. He smirked at her and took her hand in his.

“I’d like nothing more,” he replied, winking at her as he led her towards Buffy and Angelus.

Buffy saw them dancing and smiled at Spike, realizing that no matter what happened in the future between them, he’d always look out for her. Even though she didn’t particularly feel safe in Angelus’ arms, the knowledge that Spike was looking out for her made her feel more content.

‘Maybe things will go my way tonight,’ she thought as she rested her head on Angelus’ shoulder.

* * * * *

“Having fun, pet?”

Buffy turned away from watching the band and smiled at Spike. “Well, it
definitely beats last year.” Seeing the look of pain that flashed on his
face, she slowly reached out and touched his arm. “Hey,” she whispered with
a soft smile. “It’s over…I’m over it.”

“Are you?” he asked, turning to fully face her, his head tilting to the side
as he studied her. “Because I’m not.”

Nervously darting her eyes around the gym, Buffy gave Spike a distressed
look. “Please don’t do this, Spike. Not here.”

Looking around with a heavy sigh, Spike nodded. “Alright. Not here and not
now, but soon.”

Buffy’s eyes widened when she saw him lean forward, uncaring of who happened
to see them. He brushed a tender kiss to her forehead, significant others be
damned.

“I better go spend some time with my date,” he muttered, obviously wanting
to stay where he was. “I’ll check up on you later, luv.”

“Check up on me?” Buffy replied, her lips quirking into a smile.

“I mean what I said,” Spike said with a smirk before disappearing into the
crowd of students.

Her gaze settled on the stage for a split second before she felt her arm
grabbed in a brutal hold. “Angelus?” she asked, turning to look at him with
confusion written all over her face as she stared into his cold eyes.

“Outside,” he ground out through clenched teeth.

“What’s wrong?” Buffy asked as his grip tightened and he pulled her toward
the door.

Angelus stayed quiet when they walked into the hallway. Buffy expected him
to stop walking once they were out of the view of the entire student
population, but he continued to pull her toward the exit doors, slamming
them open with such force, Buffy jumped.

* * * * *

Spike looked around the gym a few minutes later with a frown on his face.
He didn’t see Buffy anywhere, and the uneasy feeling in the pit of his
stomach wasn’t serving to settle his nerves. “Hey, Red,” he called, walking
over to Willow, his eyes still scanning the area. “Do you know where Buffy
is?”

“I think she and Angelus went outside. They looked like they were leaving.”

Spike’s frown deepened.

* * * * *

“What the hell is going on with you and the Billy Idol clone?” he asked,
spinning her around to face him and shoving her against the wall.

Feeling a twinge of fear pass through her, Buffy’s eyes widened as she
swallowed nervously. “Spike? Nothing…h-he’s just a friend.”

“Bullshit!!”

Buffy tried to back away, soon realizing that she was pinned between the
wall and a very angry man who was easily twice her size.

“Is he who you’ve been spending time with when you’re not with me?” Angelus
asked in a deceptively low whisper, leaning close to her. Buffy could smell
a trace of alcohol on his breath, but she knew that he wasn’t drunk. “Have
you been climbing into his bed every night? Fucking him, since you’re
obviously not fucking me?”

Staying quiet through his rant, Buffy’s jaw clenched while she stared into
his enraged eyes. “And who have you been getting it from, Angelus?” she
asked, not having any solid proof, only going with her gut instinct.

“Doesn’t matter,” he replied with a shrug. “I’m a man. I have certain
needs, and they obviously aren’t getting fulfilled by a snobby little high
school bitch.”

“So what you’re saying is that you can cheat and I can’t because you’re the
man?” she asked, fuming at the simple idea of it. “You know, I’ll be sure
and have my needs met by someone else in the future, because you sure as
hell won’t be touching me- you self-absorbed, egotistical, arrogant,
conceited bastard!”

The sound of the slap rang through the air as Angelus backhanded Buffy,
sending her flying into the side of the building. Gripping the bricks with
one hand, the other flew up to her right cheek, trying to stop the explosion
of pain that traveled through her body. Quickly standing up straight and
turning to face him, her watery eyes hardened as they clashed with his.
“Get…away…from me. Don’t you ever come near me again.”

Seeing something that could be identified as remorse flash in his eyes
before he turned and walked out of sight, she waited until she knew he was
gone before collapsing on the ground, too stunned to let the tears come.

Her hand absentmindedly rubbed her cheek for a moment before dropping into
her lap. Taking several deep breaths, Buffy let a few tears slip free,
angrily wiping them away. She didn’t know what she expected from Angelus,
although she never thought he would hit her, but she sure as hell wasn’t
going to cry for the jackass.

Hearing the door of the school creak open, Buffy hurriedly stood and
straightened her dress, knowing that students would begin filing out soon, and
she didn’t want to be seen in the condition she was in. Turning to walk
through the parking lot, Buffy froze when she heard the familiar voice.

“Buffy? Buffy, luv, I was worried about you.”

Grateful for the shadows that were surrounding her, she turned around as
Spike jogged toward her.

“Where’s your wanker of a boyfriend?” he asked, looking over her shoulder as
if Angelus would appear.

“He’s not here,” she murmured, looking away from his penetrating gaze.

Spike was obviously studying her, letting his eyes adjust to the dim light,
before grabbing her hand and leading her toward the school. With a resigned
sigh, Buffy followed him, knowing that she wouldn’t be able to hide this.

Averting her eyes when she stepped into the light, she felt Spike’s hand
tilt her chin toward him, turning her head until he got a good look at the
bright red mark on her cheek. Buffy could practically hear his teeth
gritting as his fingertips ghosted over her skin.

“Where is he?” he asked, his voice a low, rumbling growl.

“He’s gone,” she whispered, looking down in shame, soon feeling his finger
tilting her head up again.

“Where is he?” Spike repeated, his eyes flashing with repressed anger.

“I told him not to come near me again…I don’t know where he is.”

“What happened?” he asked, pulling her against his chest and wrapping his
arms securely around her waist.

“He thought that we…that you and I…”

Trailing off as she took a deep breath, Buffy started again.

“He thought that I was cheating on him, even though he was the one who was
cheating. I…I yelled at him and he…”

Spike’s grip tightened on her when he felt her shoulders shake with sobs.
“Don’t cry, luv. He’s not worth it,” he whispered, running his hands along
her bare shoulders.

“I know,” she whispered, clutching at him in desperation. “I just feel so
weak, and I hate this feeling.”

“You’re not weak, Buffy. You’re the strongest person I know. Now come on,
I’m taking you home.”

Buffy nodded and sniffled as he turned them toward his car, his arm firmly
wrapped around her shoulders.

“I think I’m cursed,” she muttered, gingerly running her hand across her
cheek.

“Why’s that, pet?”

“Because this dance gets worse every year. I don’t know what’s worse- the
physical pain or the emotional heartache.”

“Heartache for the wanker?”

“For you,” she murmured, looking down when she felt his eyes on her. “Last
year with...what about Cordy?” she asked suddenly, feeling obligated to say something.

“She’s going home with someone else,” he replied, opening the car door for
her.

“That’s not exactly normal unless you’re…well…me.”

“I have my priorities straight,” he said with a shrug of his shoulders.

“I guess history really does repeat itself.”

Leaning forward to brush a kiss along her forehead, Spike pulled away, both
noticing the mere inches that separated them. “Is that a promise?”

Buffy blushed and looked away, worrying her bottom lip. “I was talking about the break-up. Don’t ask me for promises I can’t keep, Spike.”

“Who says you can’t keep it?” he asked, tilting his head to look at her.

“It’s been a long night,” she whispered in a tired voice. “Please don’t
make me have this conversation right now.”

With a soft sigh, Spike nodded before helping her into the car. “Alright,
luv. It can wait.”

‘But not for long.’

As Spike drove Buffy towards her house, his mind was buzzing as thoughts bombarded him. Anger and rage filled him, but on the other hand, he was happy about so many things.

‘I broke up with Dru, and Buffy’s not with the poofter anymore,’ he thought before adding an adjective to Angelus’ title. ‘The abusive poofter.’ His hands gripped the steering wheel even tighter. ‘When I get my hands on that wanker, I’m beating the hell out of him. He deserves every broken bone, every bruise, every…’

“Spike?” Buffy asked quietly, looking at him with a worried expression. “Are you okay? You’ve been quiet ever since we got in the car.” He looked at her and saw that the red mark on her cheek was slowly starting to disappear.

‘Although I’d wager it still stings,’ he thought, angry once again. ‘How can a man hit a woman? Is it a superiority thing? Because if it is, I’d be more than happy to knock him down a few notches…or a few stairs would probably do the trick.’

“I’m fine,” he answered, taking her hand in his and kissing the top of it. “I wish I could’ve stopped him from hitting you, luv. I’m supposed to protect you, not let you get hurt.”

“It’s okay, Spike,” she replied, squeezing his hand. ”I’m fine, honestly. And hey- I’m single again, so that should make you one happy boy.” He chuckled slightly. “Consider it an early Christmas present or something.”

“You’re going to be my present?” he asked, smirking. “Are you going to get all wrapped up for me?”

“With a red bow on top,” she joked, smiling at him. He laughed and looked at her for a moment.

“So does this mean we’re together again?” he asked, trying to keep the insecurity out of his voice. She looked outside.

“I don’t know what it means,” she answered, shrugging. “But I know that I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

“No, I think right now is the perfect time,” he said as he pulled onto Revello Drive.

“No, it really isn’t,” she replied, and he noticed that she had tensed up as she looked out the windshield. A familiar car was parked in front of her house, and when he figured out to whom it belonged to, his eyes narrowed and he clenched his jaw.

“Angelus,” he growled, staring at the man leaning against the car.

* * * * *

Buffy carefully got out of Spike’s car after he parked it in her driveway. He quickly got out on his side, intercepting Angelus before he could reach her.

“So, you weren’t cheating on me with him?” Angelus asked, looking up and down at Spike. “Seems kind of coincidental that Billy here drove you home tonight.”

“I told you that he’s just a friend,” Buffy said before noticing that Spike’s face dropped.

‘She still considers me to be just a friend,’ he thought. ‘Well, at least it’s better than her hating me again. That’s got to count for something, doesn’t it?’

“A friend who seems to be everywhere you are?” Angelus asked, crossing his arms. “You know, I’ve seen him with you before, Buffy. I’ve seen you with him in town, leaving Willow’s house…”

“You were following me?” she asked, her eyes widening as he smirked. “You were stalking me!”

“I was just making sure that you were okay,” he replied, shrugging. “And to gain some evidence that you weren’t being faithful to me.”

“Because you weren’t sleeping with women behind my back?” she asked sarcastically. “You told me not even twenty minutes ago that you weren’t faithful either because men ‘have certain needs’ to be met.” Spike looked at the other man again, his fists clenching.

“Aren’t I right, Billy?” Angelus asked, looking at him. “Although, apparently you’re not one for meeting a woman’s needs.” Both Spike and Buffy looked at each other, confused.

“What the bloody hell are you talking about?” Spike asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Your girlfriend Dru was quite a wild ride,” Angelus replied, grinning. “I’ve never been with such an animal.”

“You slept with Dru?” Buffy asked quietly, staring at Angelus. He nodded and smiled at Spike.

“I can see why you chose her over Buffy,” he said. Spike was instantly seeing red as he punched Angelus’ nose before attacking the man’s midsection with his fists. Angelus made a growling sound from the pain before shoving Spike back and punching his left eye. Spike groaned in agony as he covered his eye with his hand. Punching Angelus again, the force of his assault caused both men to fall to the ground. They both started attacking each other on her front lawn, neither backing down.

“Stop it!” Buffy yelled, pulling Spike off of Angelus as best she could. He stood up, even though he wasn’t nearly finished with hurting Angelus. She watched as Angelus slowly stood up, blood covering his face and hands. The same could be said for Spike, but he seemed to be handling it better. “Get the hell off of my property,” Buffy said sharply, pushing Angelus back until he hit the side of his car. “If I ever see you again, I’m calling the cops. Don’t come near me or anyone I care about. Do you understand?” He looked at her. “Go back to fucking whores, Angelus, because you can never do better than that.” He scowled at her before getting in his car and speeding away. She quickly returned to Spike and looked at the cuts on his face and the black eye that had already started forming. “Oh god, you look horrible.” He managed a small smile and winced when he felt his bottom lip stinging from a cut that sliced through it.

“Thanks, luv,” he replied, holding his ribcage. “You were always honest.” She frowned and pulled him to her front door, quietly dragging him into the kitchen, thankful that her mom was already asleep. She sat him down on a stool before grabbing a washcloth, ice, and bandages. Before she could go get antiseptic from the bathroom, he grabbed her arm to stop her. She looked at him sadly.

“I’m so sorry you got hurt,” she said, a tear rolling down her cheek. “You got hurt because of me.” He shook his head, wiping off her cheek gently.

“I’m fine, luv,” he said quietly. “This is nothing. He deserved everything he got, and so did I.” She frowned, confused. “I hurt you, too, Buffy, and I deserved this.”

“No you didn’t,” she said, slightly angry. “You never deserved this. Never.” He looked down. “You may have hurt me, Spike, but I never wanted to see you get hurt. Not like this.” He took a deep breath, even though the pain in his ribs hurt too much. “I’m sorry that he slept with Dru, too. Maybe if I had…”

“Don’t even suggest it,” he said, interrupting her. “Dru was never one for loyalty, and it didn’t take a genius to see that he wasn’t either.” He looked at her. “Just for the record, even though I’m sure you don’t want to hear this, you are much better than she is.” Buffy smiled softly. “I don’t see what he found so fascinating about Dru. You’re a hundred times better than her in every way. Hands-down, pet, you’re the best woman I’ve ever known.” She gently kissed a spot on his cheek that wasn’t bruising or cut.

“Took you long enough to figure that out,” she muttered. “I didn’t see you exactly chomping at the bit to break up with her.”

“I know,” he whispered. “I guess I was hoping that if I was with her, you might…”

“Have a jealous tantrum and want you back?” Buffy asked with a slight smile.

“What can I say? My plans never work.”

Buffy giggled, shaking her head at his insane logic.

“We were just using each other,” he said softly, taking a deep breath.

“Maybe,” Buffy said with a shrug. “But you weren’t the one sleeping around on her.”

“No, I was just chasing around after my ex-girlfriend, begging her to give me another chance,” he replied, running a hand over his face.

“They were just words,” Buffy said, running her fingernail along the counter in an effort to avoid his eyes. “No harm done…not really. Actions speak louder than words, remember? And their actions spoke volumes of their true feelings about us.”

Gently tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, Spike smiled when Buffy raised her eyes to his. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, looking at her with pain-filled eyes. “I know it doesn’t mean anything…but I am sorry.”

“Thank you,” she said genuinely. “Now, let’s get you cleaned up so you don’t leave blood all over my house.”

“Hey, we were having a sweet moment,” he frowned, pouting. “Why’d you change the mood?”

“Because you look like you got hit by a car,” she replied, heading towards the bathroom.

‘I bloody feel like I did, too,’ he thought, wincing as she left the kitchen. ‘But she doesn’t need to know that. I’m supposed to be Spike, the white knight. Her Prince Charming. Men like me don’t get hurt- we just get even.’

Watching as Buffy worked on him, Spike felt warmth spread through him at her gentle touch.

“What happens next?” Spike asked when Buffy finished cleaning and bandaging
his cuts.

“What do you mean?” Buffy asked, focusing on all of the supplies in front of her so she wouldn’t have to meet his piercing eyes.

“I mean, what happens next?”

“I don’t know,” she said with a shrug. “We’re not the same people we used to be.”

“And did it ever occur to you that it might be better this way? That maybe
we’re not supposed to be the same people?”

Buffy sighed, rubbing her hand over her eyes. “Can we not do this tonight?”
she asked, turning away from him, only to feel him gently grabbing her again.

“It’s always been you, Buffy,” he murmured, running a hand tenderly along
her cheek and quickly retracting it when she flinched. “I need you to
believe that.”

“Then what was Dru?” she asked, hating herself for not only continuously
opening the same old wound, but rubbing salt in it as well.

“A mistake.”

“For over a year?” She paused, waiting for him to say something…anything.
“I don’t want to be a replacement for your replacement girlfriend.”

“I understand that,” he murmured. “But do you understand that you wouldn’t
be? That I love you so much and I can’t say enough how sorry I am for
hurting you?”

“And I’m not ready,” she said in a soft voice. “I’m tired of feeling like I
have to be with someone to help me define who I am. I need to figure out
how to be Buffy before I relearn how to be Buffy the Girlfriend.”

“You think I could get on the waiting list?” Spike asked with a resigned
sigh.

“Why’d you do it?” she asked suddenly.

“Do what, pet?”

“Why’d you break up with me?” she asked, never letting her eyes meet his.

“It wasn’t Drusilla,” he said, watching her reaction. “She just happened to be there. It was me. It was always me. And I’m not looking for you to think that this is just me pitying myself, because it’s not. The fact remained that… I didn’t deserve you.”

“And now?”

“Now I really don’t…”

“If you really believe that, why do you want to get back together?”

“I never said I didn’t want you…I just don’t deserve you.”

“Then what do you want from me?” Buffy asked, insecurity making its way into her voice.

“I don’t know?” he whispered. “I mean…I know, I just…I know we don’t want the same thing.”

“Do you think we could be friends?” she asked hesitantly.

“We’re not friends,” he muttered, looking up at her and seeing the sadness
in her eyes. “We’ll never be friends. We’ll be in love till it kills us
both. We can fight, and we can shag, and we can hate each other till it makes
us quiver, but we’ll never be friends.”

“I guess that’s a ‘no’ then,” she whispered, feeling his strong words
affecting her more than she cared for.

Leaning forward, Spike grasped Buffy’s hands in his, looking her in the eye
as he continued. “Love isn’t brains, Buffy, it’s blood…blood screaming
inside you to work its will.” A soft smile came over his face as he
tightened his grip on her hands. “I may be love’s bitch, but at least I’m
man enough to admit it.”

Buffy smiled a little bit. “Where does that leave us?” she asked, squeezing
his hands slightly. “If we can’t be friends and can’t have a
relationship…are you just going to pretend you don’t know me?”

Spike chuckled, shaking his head and restraining himself from pressing a
soft kiss to her lips. “How about we start out with spending time
together?”

“I can live with that,” she murmured, wrapping her arms around him for a
warm hug, both feeling the sense of comfort wash over them with the intimate
gesture. Pulling away, Buffy poked a finger in his chest in warning. “But
there will be no ‘shagging’ in the offing, mister.”

A couple of days later, Buffy and Spike went to the theater in town together to see a movie, but they spent more time whispering comments to each other than paying attention.

“His hair looks like it’s stiff,” Spike said, smirking. “How much hair gel do you think they used on him?”

“A bottle,” she giggled, grabbing some of the popcorn from the tub he was holding. “He reminds me of Angelus.”

“I thought you weren’t going to say that name,” he replied, frowning. She looked at him. “He doesn’t exist anymore.” She sighed and looked at the screen. “Okay?”

“Right,” she answered. “It’s just you, me, and our popcorn.” He smiled and gave her the popcorn tub. “Oh, the key to my heart.” He chuckled quietly.

“Is it really the key?” he asked, looking at her. She frowned and looked down.

“I don’t know,” she said. “I think the lock is broken.” She raised her eyes to his and saw sadness swirling in them. He was about to speak, but she put a finger over his lips to silence him. “Don’t.”

“Later?” he asked, and she nodded. “Okay, pet.” She relaxed in her seat and watched the Angelus look-a-like walking around onscreen, but Spike couldn’t take his eyes off of her. She looked at him, raising an eyebrow.

“You didn’t pay eight dollars to stare at me, did you?” she asked jokingly, her tone light.

“I’d pay my life savings just to stare at you,” he answered, grinning. She playfully swatted his arm.

“You’re so cheesy,” she replied, shaking her head. He grabbed a handful of popcorn and ate it.

“No, I’m buttery,” he said, wiggling his fingers at her. She giggled, and the couple in front of them turned around, shooting glares at them. “Sorry, the lady just doesn’t know how to be quiet.” They turned around, and Buffy elbowed him in his ribs. He winced loudly, and the couple turned around again. “Me either, apparently.” Buffy giggled again and was grateful that the movie ended a moment later. They left the theater and began to walk through the town.

“You’re lucky we didn’t get kicked out of there, buster,” she said, looking at him. “But I’m sorry I elbowed you. Are your ribs okay?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugged, looking at her. “Are yours?” She raised an eyebrow before he began to mercilessly tickle her. She laughed hysterically, not able to stop his assault on her.

“Uncle!” she finally conceded, looking at him with a pout on her face. “That was mean.”

“Sorry, kitten,” he said, running his hand over her hair. “So, what shall we do?”

“Angelus,” she said quietly, looking past him at the brunette man walking down the street.

“I don’t fancy seeing him again,” he replied, oblivious to where her eyes were focused. “I’ve had my share of violence for a week or so.”

“No, dumb ass, he’s coming this way,” she said quietly. “With Dru.”

Spike turned to see the brunette pair walking towards them and grabbed Buffy’s hand, pulling her across the street. She looked at him, confused.

“What are you doing?” she asked, looking at him. “Don’t want to see them? Because I’m pretty sure we’re on their radar right now.”

“I don’t want to deal with them,” he replied, walking faster as he led Buffy down the sidewalk. “God knows what could happen, and I’m not exactly healed up since the last time with the great and mighty ponce.” He sighed. “Besides, I don’t feel like seeing Dru right now.”

“Because you still care about her,” Buffy said quietly, looking down at her feet as she walked. He looked at her, frowning.

“Yeah,” he mumbled. “But not as much as I care about you, luv. You know that, right?”

“I don’t know anything for sure when it comes to you,” she replied, shrugging. “Things changed. We changed. Nothing is as clear as it used to be, and we both know it.”

“It should be clear that I love you,” he said, noticing that her eyes were watery. “Pet, stop for a second.” She stopped walking and looked at him. “I know things changed with us, and I’m sorry that they did. But I still stand by what I said the other day about the fact that maybe we were supposed to change. I think it was a learning experience for both of us, and if anything, it only reinforced the idea that you’re the only woman in the world for me.” She looked away.

“It shouldn’t have taken a year for you to realize that,” she replied sadly.

“But it didn’t,” he said loudly, causing her to look at him, confused once again. “I’ve always known it, Buffy. Always.”

“But then why were you with Dru?” she asked. “I get that you wanted something new and didn’t want to be tied down, but if you really love me like you say that you do, it wouldn’t have taken you a year to dump her. Don’t you get that?” She sighed and began walking again. He quickly caught up, walking beside her. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore. We agreed to just hang out and try building up the friendship again- I don’t want to rehash painful memories. Okay?” He shoved his hands in his pockets.

“Fine,” he replied, looking down. “But can I ask you a question?” She looked at him, worried about what he was going to ask. “When we weren’t together, did you still care about me?”

“Of course I did,” she answered. “I told you before that no matter how much you hurt me, I didn’t want you to be hurt like that, too.”

“Did you still love me?” he asked hesitantly, watching her expression become sadder.

“A part of me did, yes,” she answered honestly. He was somewhat surprised, not expecting to hear that.

“I would’ve expected you to completely hate me,” he replied, raising an eyebrow. She sighed, shrugging.

“You can’t come out of a relationship that long and just suddenly stop loving the other person,” she said, looking down. “Love is forever.”

Walking into the Bronze in a pair of black pants and a shimmery gold top, Buffy felt more like herself. Confidence seemed to pour from her as she walked toward the bar, spotting Faith chatting with a few different guys.

“Hi,” she said with a nervous smile when Faith turned around to face her.

“Where’ve you been, B?”

“Long story,” Buffy replied. “I broke up with Angelus.”

“Yeah, I heard.”

“You did?” Buffy asked, tilting her head in confusion.

“He kind of told me.”

“Aaah, let me guess…you’ve been screwing him, too.”

“It was after you two had broken up, B. I swear.”

Taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly, Buffy nodded. “You know, I’m not even mad,” she said with a soft smile that was for her own benefit. “You’re more than welcome to him, Faith, but watch out- he’s got a mean backhand.”

Faith’s eyes widened as she realized what Buffy was talking about. “I swear I didn’t know-“

“I didn’t either,” she replied with a shrug. “And even if you and I aren’t friends anymore…or never really were, I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“We’re not together,” Faith said, shaking her head to emphasize the point. “He came here the night you two broke up and seemed really upset and…”

“And one thing led to another- I get it,” Buffy said with a nod. “I’ll see you around, Faith.”

Before the brunette could say anything else, Buffy disappeared into the crowd of people dancing. Walking toward the door, she breathed a sigh of relief. Another step in rebuilding her life.

Walking through the exit door and into the alley, Buffy almost laughed. ‘You’re not even out of high school and you’re rebuilding your life,’ she thought, shaking her head.

Lost in her own thoughts, she didn’t even see the man in front of her until she had crashed into him.

“Better watch out,” he said, grabbing her shoulders and steadying her. “Something bad could get a hold of you.”

Buffy jerked away from Angelus as he stood before her, giving her a slow smirk. “Something bad already did,” she replied, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Come on, Buff. We can work this out,” he said, reaching out to run a hand along her cheek. It was so familiar that Buffy almost forgot who she was talking to. Feeling his hand on her skin sent her recoiling as she remembered that same hand slapping her a week ago.

“What part of me not wanting to see you again don’t you understand?”

“You didn’t mean that,” Angelus replied, giving her the same charming smile he’d used on her the night that he took her back to his place for the first time.

“I’ve never meant anything more than that,” Buffy shot back, walking around him, wanting to get out of the alley. She didn’t like being alone with him, especially when there was no one else around.

“How’s Captain Peroxide?” he asked, matching strides with her as she walked toward the street.

“He’s fine. How’s your gothic skank?” she asked, her jaw clenching.

Angelus ignored the question, grabbing Buffy’s arm and spinning her around to face him. “I’m going to get you back, Buffy,” he growled, staring at her with eyes clouded with anger. “You belong to me.”

Jerking her arm from his grasp, she glared at him. “I don’t belong to anyone. Least of all, you!”

“That’s what you think,” he replied in a menacing whisper before turning and walking back to the club.

Buffy stayed where she was for several long moments, trying to control her shaky breathing. Absentmindedly rubbing her arm where Angelus grabbed her, she turned and began walking home, reprimanding herself for not asking someone to go with her tonight.

* * * * *

When Buffy finally approached her house, she was surprised to see Spike sitting on the front porch swing.

“Hey,” she said, giving him a soft smile as she sat down next to him. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to stop by and see you,” he replied, frowning when he looked at her.

Buffy averted her eyes, nervously fidgeting under his unwavering gaze.

“Your mum wasn’t home, so I thought I’d wait out here,” he continued in a quiet voice, studying her carefully, taking in every gesture as she shifted in her seat and tucked her hair behind her ear. “Where were you?”

“Out,” she replied automatically, not even needing to look at him to know that he was raising an eyebrow in her direction.

“Is there something I should know?” he asked, tilting his head to look at her.

“Spike, we’re not together,” Buffy said in exasperation, standing up and pacing the porch as he leaned forward, clasping his hands in front of him. “I don’t need you checking up on me.”

“I wasn’t checking up on you,” he replied with an edge to his voice, standing up to face her. “I wanted to drop off an early Christmas gift for you. I figured that was what friends were supposed to do. Merry Christmas, Buffy.”

She jumped when she felt something soft pressed into her hands before Spike turned and walked toward his car. Looking down at the plushy object, Buffy gasped when she saw what it was- Mr. Gordo.

“Spike, wait!” she called, running down the path and throwing herself into his arms when he turned around. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything. I went to the Bronze tonight. I had to sever old ties, and I ran into Angelus.” She could feel him stiffen and pull back to look at her.

“Are you alright, luv?”

“I’m fine,” she murmured, avoiding his gaze. “He just tried to shake me up, and I guess it worked a little bit because I didn’t mean to take it out on you.” She paused, looking down at the stuffed animal. Buffy smiled as she hugged it to her chest. “I thought you gave him to her,” she whispered, tears coming to her eyes.

“I would never do that,” Spike said softly, tilting her head up to look at him. “I just wanted something that reminded me of you.”

“Thank you. Thank you so much.”

Spike smiled when she hugged him again, wrapping his arms securely around her and pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “No need to thank me, luv. I should have told you the truth from the beginning and not let you believe that I would give him to Dru.”

Stiffening at the mention of his ex-girlfriend, Buffy pulled away but kept a smile firmly on her face as she looked at the pig, slowly turning to look at Spike again. “Thank you for making my night better…for making everything better.”

“I wish I could do some things right for a change,” he said, shoving his hands in his pockets and looking at the ground.

Buffy gently touched his arm, causing him to look up at her. Buffy smiled. “You’re doing a lot of right things.”

“I am?” he asked, looking at her in surprise as her smile brightened.

"Well...there's a first time for everything."

On Christmas Eve night, Buffy was surprised when Spike stopped by, a present in his hand. She let him in and led him towards the living room. He sat on the couch and smiled at how pretty she looked.

‘But then again, she could be covered by newspapers and would still look drop-dead gorgeous,’ he thought. ‘Even though she’s fully covered by jeans and a turtleneck, she’s still sexy. She’s the only woman I’ve ever known who can be so bloody beautiful all of the time.’

“Is it just me, luv, or are you glowing?” he asked, and she smiled at him before she retrieved a present from under the Christmas tree and walked to the couch to sit beside him.

“It’s probably just from the lights on the tree,” she replied, shrugging.

“Or maybe too much eggnog?” he joked, chuckling. She playfully smacked his arm. “Hey! That hurt, you know.”

“I don’t drink,” she said before frowning. “Okay, I used to. A lot. But I’ve changed. That was the old Buffy.”

“I thought that was the new Buffy?” he asked, studying her.

“No, that’s the old, new Buffy,” she said before making a face. “Never mind. But I’m not like that anymore. It’s a part of my turning-over-a-new-leaf program.”

“Glad to hear it,” he said, handing her the present he was holding.

“What’s this?” she asked, eyeing it suspiciously. “You already gave me my present, remember?”

“That wasn’t a present,” he said. “He was yours to begin with, pet. I just returned him, is all.” She smiled. “So, is he taking care of you? Keeping you warm at night?” She giggled and shook her head.

“He was one of the best things you could’ve given me,” she replied. “That’s enough.”

“Then I’ll just take this back,” he said, trying to retrieve the gift he had given her. She pulled it back, her eyes wide.

“No,” she said quickly. “It would be rude of me to not accept it.” He chuckled. “But you’re opening yours up first, buddy.” She handed him a wrapped package and smiled.

“What is it, kitten?” he asked, tearing off the wrapping paper to reveal a box. He opened it up and first pulled out the DVD case for “Casper”. He started laughing. “Are you serious?”

“Yes,” she smiled, looking at him. “I know you have it on VHS, but this has extra features on it. I couldn’t resist.”

“Thank you,” he replied genuinely. “Only you would get me something so…”

“Friendly?” she supplied, smirking. He nodded and grabbed the other item in the box, staring at it.

“How did you know I lost this CD?” he asked, looking at her. She smiled and grabbed the “Never Mind The Bollocks- Here’s the Sex Pistols” case he was holding and smiled sheepishly at him.

“I have a confession,” she said quietly, looking down. “You left it here, and I didn’t want to give it back because…I really like it.” He raised an eyebrow.

“But I thought you hated the Sex Pistols?” he asked, surprised. “You always used to yell at me for listening to them.”

“Yeah, well, I grew to like them,” she shrugged. “And I figured that I owed you it back, so I bought you a new one.” He grinned and hugged her.

“Thank you, Buffy,” he said, running his hand over her hair. “It’s perfect.” He softly kissed her cheek before pulling back. “Time for yours.” She giggled giddily and began to tear off the wrapping paper. She stared at the picture frame she was holding, but more specifically, at the picture inside of it. She looked at him, her eyes beginning to water.

“Spike?” she asked, looking down once again at the picture of her and William together.

“I have a confession to make, as well,” he replied, taking a deep breath. “Do you remember the day I came to get my stuff back?” She nodded, still confused. “Well, before I left your house, I saw something fly out of your window.” The memory of her throwing the picture outside hit her instantly. “I retrieved the picture from the broken frame and got a new one. A better one.” Her fingers slowly traced over the inscription on the outer edge of the silver frame- Forever and For Always. “Do you like it?”

“It’s beautiful,” she whispered, letting a couple of tears escape her eyes. He smiled softly and brushed them away. “Thank you, Spike. I love it.” She leaned forward and gave him a brief kiss before pulling back and sighing. “I think this has been one of our most meaningful Christmases yet.” He nodded, looking at her content expression.

‘And it can only get better from here,’ they both thought, looking at each other.

* * * * *

Their Winter Break passed quickly, and when Spike offered to drive her to school again, she hesitantly accepted, hoping that starting off the day right would keep her dread of returning to school to a bare minimum. When they pulled up in the parking lot, she was surprised to see so many of her fellow students watching them with confused and surprised expressions. Spike noticed and raised an eyebrow.

“Looks like we have an audience,” he said, looking at her. She frowned and sighed, walking into the building, Spike in tow. He followed her to her locker and leaned against the one beside hers. “So, do I get the honor of driving you home after school?”

“Sure,” she said, smiling at him. “Sounds good.” He kissed her temple before beginning to walk away.

“See you later, luv,” he said, loud enough for her to hear. She giggled to herself and opened her locker, grabbing her stuff. She heard footsteps approaching her but shrugged it off.

‘It’s a Monday morning before the bell- of course people are walking around,’ she thought before closing her locker door and gasping as she saw who was standing beside her suddenly.

“Drusilla,” she said quietly, staring at the raven-haired girl.

“Hello, Buffy,” Drusilla replied, smiling maniacally. “Can we talk?” Buffy shook her head, not wanting to deal with the other girl at that moment, but Drusilla grabbed her forearm, sinking her nails into Buffy’s delicate skin. She winced in pain as Dru pulled her into the girl’s bathroom, shutting the door and switching the lock.

“What’s going on?” Buffy asked, pulling her arm away and covering it with her other hand, happy that Dru’s nails weren’t sharp enough to draw blood.

“I think it’s time we talked,” Drusilla said, leaning against a sink. “Girl-to-girl. How does that sound?”

“Horrible,” Buffy said bluntly, frowning. “I have class.” Drusilla giggled.

“So do I,” she said, shrugging. “But I think we have more pressing matters to discuss, don’t we?”

“What the hell are you talking about, you psycho?” Buffy asked, looking at the girl standing across from her.

“My Spike and your Angelus,” she said, crossing her arms.

“First off, Angelus isn’t mine,” Buffy clarified. “And Spike isn’t yours anymore.”

“Well, that’s going to change, now isn’t it?” Drusilla asked, grinning. “Angelus wants you back, and I want my Spike all to myself again.”

“I don’t want Angelus anymore, and Spike sure as hell doesn’t want you,” Buffy said sharply.

“It’s not about what you both want,” Drusilla said, tilting her head as she looked at Buffy. “It’s about what I want, and I always get what I want.”

Buffy sat on the couch, watching an old movie, her legs curled up to her
chest with a sheared velvet blanket wrapped around her shoulders. She was
enjoying a night to herself for the first time in a long time. Just being
alone with her thoughts was enough to keep her occupied for the entire
night, and considering her mother was working, Buffy had no other
distractions.

Letting her head fall back against the couch, her eyes drifted shut as her
brain ran over her conversation with Drusilla earlier that day. Spike
wasn’t hers, but he wasn’t Drusilla’s either, and the thought of the two of
them getting back together sickened her. On the other hand, the idea of
being tied to Angelus now that she knew the truth about him was enough to
send her running for the bathroom.

Buffy didn’t care what kind of idle threats Dru was making- there was no way
in hell she would subject herself to being with an abusive cheater who
didn’t even care about her. She was merely a prize to be won. Another
trophy for his shelf, or more accurately, another notch on his bed post.
Even if the notch was slightly more highly regarded than his other
conquests, Buffy could do without it, considering his treatment of her.

Her hand drifted up to her cheek, gently brushing along the skin. It was no
longer marked, but the effects were still there. She would never forget the
feeling of a man who needed to declare his superiority by hitting her, and
she never planned on having that feeling again.

Standing up and stretching her aching muscles, Buffy straightened her soft
cotton pants and headed for the kitchen, preparing to make herself a cup of
hot chocolate. She stopped when a soft knock sounded against the door,
directing her attention toward it. Frowning as she approached, Buffy
worried her bottom lip before unlocking the deadbolt and opening it, her
eyes widening when she saw Angelus standing there.

Throwing her weight against the door to close it, she gritted her teeth when
he wedged his foot between the door and the frame.

“Aren’t you going to invite me in, Buffy?” he asked, shoving his weight
against it and causing her to lose her balance. Taking a few steps back to
regain her footing, Buffy glared at the intruder, self-consciously crossing
her arms over her chest to conceal the camisole that was doing a poor job of
making her feel covered.

“I wasn’t planning on it, but since you feel the need to barge into my
house- what the hell do you want, Angelus?”

“I told you, baby. I want you back.”

“Keep dreaming,” she said with a scoff. “How many times do I have to tell
you to stay the hell away from me?! I don’t want to see you, I don’t want
to even remember I know you, so why can’t you just leave me alone?”

“Remember how good it was, Buff?” he asked, taking a step toward her.

“I remember I was delusional enough to think that I loved you. I’ve come to
my senses since then, so don’t plan on history repeating itself.”

“You know you love me,” he said with a smirk that suddenly seemed menacing
to Buffy.

“Get out of my house, Angelus,” she said through clenched teeth.

“I know you want to have some fun.”

The look in his eyes suddenly began to scare her. Steadily backing away
from him, her eyes scanned the area, looking for anything that she might
need to use to defend herself.

“Leave,” she said in a surprisingly strong voice.

Running a hand over her bare arm, Angelus dipped his head low and left a
kiss on her forehead. Buffy shuddered at the combination of the touch and
the kiss and continued to back away. The tenderness was scarier than the
menacing looks and threats. At least with the looks, she knew where she
stood.

“I’ll see you soon, baby,” he said in a husky whisper before turning and
walking out the door.

Slamming the door when he walked through it, Buffy quickly locked it.
Turning around and letting her back fall against the hard surface, she
slowly slid down to the floor, curling her legs up to her chest and letting
her chin fall to her knees. Trying to regulate her breathing, she let the
shaking take over her body. She had no idea what Angelus was capable of,
but she really didn’t want to find out on a night when she was alone in her
house.

Running her trembling hands through her hair, Buffy fought the tears in her
eyes. She wasn’t weak. She prided herself on not being weak and she
refused to let a simple encounter with her ex-boyfriend get her emotional.
Even if her stomach did feel as if it was tied in knots and she still
couldn’t control her breathing.

“God, why do I let him do this to me?” she muttered, banging her head
against the door. Between Drusilla’s threats and Angelus’
disappearing/reappearing act, Buffy was beginning to feel emotionally
drained from the turmoil she was subjected to. For being a senior in high
school, she sure wasn’t getting any breaks.

When the phone rang, breaking her out of her reverie, Buffy hastily climbed
to her feet and ran for the cordless, taking a calming breath before
answering.

“Hello?”

“Hi, luv.”

Smiling her first genuine smile of the night, Buffy curled up on the couch
with the phone pressed to her ear.

“Is this a ‘special occasion’ call or a ‘just because’ call?”

“This is an ‘I miss you’ call,” Spike replied with a smile.

“You just saw me a few hours ago,” Buffy said in a teasing tone.

“What’s your point?” he asked playfully. “What are you doing tonight?”

“Um…I was watching some old movie on cable.”

“Was? Meaning you’re not anymore?”

Not wanting to get into the Angelus situation…or the Drusilla situation for
that matter, Buffy bit her lip and looked around the house. “I-I stopped to
make some hot chocolate.”

‘Not a lie,’ she thought. ‘I just got interrupted.’

“Is something wrong?” Spike asked, his tone immediately changing from
playful to serious.

“N-no…why do you ask?”

“Because I know your different voices, pet. I’m close. Now tell me what’s
going on.”

“Spike, it’s really nothing to worry about…”

“Alright, I’m coming over.”

“Spike-“

“I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

Buffy opened her mouth to speak again, but was immediately cut off by the
click of him hanging up the phone. “Damn it,” she muttered under her
breath. She was never able to lie to Spike, and with one look at her face,
he would be able to read her like a book. “Now what the hell am I supposed
to do?”

* * * * *

When Spike showed up at her house moments later, he was genuinely worried. He knew something was off with her, and the thought alone that something had happened was scaring him more than anything else ever had before. Knocking on her front door, he studied her when she opened it, obviously pasting a smile on her face. He frowned and walked inside, right past her as she closed the door.

“Nice try, luv, but I know when your smiles are fake, too,” he said, crossing his arms. She locked the door, and he raised an eyebrow. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” she answered, shrugging. “I just get a little paranoid when I’m home alone.”

“You’re not alone anymore,” he replied. “And I don’t think that’s why you look so startled.”

“What? I’m not startled,” she said, looking down. He walked closer to her and tilted her chin up to look at her.

“Tell me what’s wrong, Buffy,” he said quietly. She sighed and looked away.

“Dru confronted me this morning,” she answered. “And Angelus stopped by a few minutes ago.” He felt anger coursing through him as he clenched his fists.

“Did you invite him over?” he asked, upset enough just by the thought of it. She looked at him sadly.

“Are you kidding?” she asked. “You really think I would purposely endanger myself? Especially when I’m the only one here?” He clenched his jaw. “He came by on his own. I tried to keep him from coming in, but…”

“Did he touch you?” he asked, sheer fury filling him suddenly. “Are you okay? What’d he do?”

“He just talked,” she replied. “He made some possessive comments, told me he wants me back, and said he’d see me soon. That’s all.”

“’That’s all’, she says,” he replied sternly, staring at her. “Buffy, who knows what he could’ve done to you. He could’ve-“

“But he didn’t,” she said firmly, cutting him off. “I’m fine. He may make all kinds of threats, but he doesn’t follow through with them. He just likes to hear himself speak.” She walked into her living room and sat on her sofa. He followed her and sat beside her.

“He could’ve hurt you, pet,” he said, looking at her. “You’ve got to keep yourself better protected when I’m not around.”

“I can handle myself,” she replied sharply. “I got along just fine without you for a year, didn’t I?”

“And you started dating an abusive bastard who was just using you for shagging,” he said, clenching his jaw, pausing when she seemed to visibly shut down. “I didn’t mean…I just-“

“I just don’t have the best of luck when choosing guys…I know what you meant,” she said sadly.

“I want to protect you, Buffy, but you have to watch out for yourself when I’m not around. I don’t want to see you get hurt again.” She took a deep breath and looked down.

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” she said quietly. “I was having a good night somewhat until I was interrupted.” She stood up. “Want some hot chocolate?”

“Sure,” he answered, resting his head on the back of the couch. “Can we talk about what happened with Drusilla when you come back?”

Buffy hesitantly nodded and headed into the kitchen.

‘They’re both going to wreak havoc now, aren’t they?’ Spike thought, still angry. ‘How can I kill two evil birds with one very large stone?’

* * * * *

After coming back with two mugs of hot chocolate, Buffy calmly explained what had happened earlier with Drusilla at school. He looked at her arm and saw five red half-moon marks. He gently grabbed her forearm and brought it to his mouth, kissing each individual mark, almost as if it was an apology.

“I’m sorry, kitten,” he said quietly. “If I had stayed around for a couple of minutes more, this wouldn’t have happened.”

“It was bound to happen,” she replied, pulling her arm back. “I knew she’d do something eventually- I just didn’t know what it would be or when. But it’s fine. She didn’t do any lasting damage to me.”

“It doesn’t matter,” he said sadly, looking at her. Gently cupping her cheeks in his hands, he leaned forward to kiss her. She broke away after a moment and looked at him. “I’m still sorry.”

“Stop apologizing for something you didn’t do,” she said, stretching out and turning on another old movie. “Now, let’s stop talking about such negative things.”

“What do you want to talk about then?” he asked, finally sipping his hot chocolate. “A walk down memory lane, perhaps?”

“Even those become sad after awhile,” she replied, shrugging. He frowned.

“None of our memories should be sad,” he said before pausing. “Well, yeah, most of the last year wasn’t that great for us, so how about we just omit that part?”

“Sounds good in theory, but it was a long period of time- you can’t just erase a year from your memory,” she said. “Although, I’d be able to erase Angelus, Faith, and my lack of decent clothing, so maybe that’s a plus.” He chuckled and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, allowing her to rest her head on his chest.

“Maybe it’s time we start making more happy memories,” he suggested. “You know, to combat the bad ones.” She smiled softly and sighed.

“Maybe you’re right,” she said. “It’s time to start living the way I want to again.”

“Does that include me at all?” he asked, smirking. She looked at him and giggled at his hopeful expression.

“If it didn’t, you wouldn’t be sitting here right now,” she said. “Right now will eventually be a memory, Spike.”

“A good one?” he asked, running his hand over her hair.

“Yes, it’ll be a good one,” she said before curling up against his side. “One where we’re both content and we aren’t worried about anything.”

“But you are worried, aren’t you?” he asked quietly, and she nodded. “I’m not going to let him come near you. Dru, either, for that matter. I’m going to protect you, luv. Until the end of the world.”

“Even if that happens to be tonight?” she asked jokingly. He chuckled and kissed the top of her head.

“Even if it’s tonight,” he affirmed. “Even if a fire-breathing dragon shows up, I’ll protect you.”

“Oh, like a noble knight?” she asked, her eyes wide with excitement. “My knight in shining armor?”

“Sounds good to me,” he replied. “Me thinks my lady doth need a knight in close proximity.” She giggled and kissed him softly. “I love you, Buffy.”

“I love you, too, Spike,” she said, briefly shutting her eyes as she listened to his heartbeat.

“Forever and for always still?” he asked, looking down at her. She smiled and nodded. “Then I guess my future plans are set. Take care of my lady and love her unconditionally.” She looked at him as he leaned down once more to kiss her.

Sitting on her porch swing with the newest issue of Cosmo, Buffy let the
soothing motions relax her as she read ‘What Sex Feels Like For Him’. Why
she felt the need to know, she’d never understand, but the magazine always
had a way of pulling her in when she least expected it.

“Honey?”

Buffy looked up and offered her mother a slight smile when she poked her
head out of the front door.

“Do you want to order in tonight?”

“Sure,” Buffy said with a nod. “Sounds good.”

“How about Mexican?”

“That’s fine, Mom.”

“Why don’t you call William and see if he wants to join us?”

“I don’t know,” Buffy said, uncertainty evident in her voice.

“I thought you two were trying to work things out.”

“We are,” Buffy said, nodding. “But we’ve been seeing each other so much
lately, I think it might be nice to give him a night off.”

“I don’t think that he thinks of you as a chore.”

“I know. I’ll think about it.”

Joyce nodded before ducking back into the house to order the food.

Buffy stared into her front yard for a few minutes. It had been a few weeks
since Dru had made her not-so-veiled threats, and Buffy had been able to
avoid her ever since that day. Of course, it was easier considering Spike
made sure he was by her side at every available second, acting as a
self-appointed bodyguard.

‘Starting over’ sounded good in theory, but it was taking a lot of work.
Namely, getting Buffy over her trust issues. Every time the passion
escalated from anything more than kissing, Buffy seemed to shut down, and she
was worried that Spike was getting frustrated, as well.

It wasn’t just the fact that she was still having a hard time trusting him,
even though she felt perfectly justified, considering she’d trusted him for
years with her heart and he effortlessly shattered it with a single blow.
No, the remaining problem seemed to belong with Angelus. After his
treatment of her, Buffy was finding it difficult to remember what it was
like to be in a normal relationship. To be with someone who actually wanted
to be with her and enjoyed spending time with her. Someone who wasn’t just
looking for the quickest way to get her into bed.

Spike was trying as hard as he could to put her at ease, and it hadn’t been
brought up yet, but Buffy was the one growing frustrated.

‘Why can’t I just differentiate the two situations?’ she asked herself, her
brow furrowed as she watched the sunset. ‘Why do I feel the need to compare
William to Angel? Or William to Spike for that matter?’

When the front door opened, tearing her out of her thoughts, Buffy looked up
and saw Joyce walking toward her with the phone, an odd expression on her
face.

Taking the cordless with a frown, she watched her mother disappear into the
house before putting it to her ear. “Hello?”

“Hello, lover,” the voice purred on the other end, sending a shiver of
disgust running through Buffy’s body.

“What do you want?” she asked, clenching her jaw

“I haven’t talked to you in a while,” Angelus replied in a charming voice.
“I miss you, baby.”

“Well, I don’t miss you, so why don’t you go back to your skank? See if she
can warm your bed at night because I won’t be there. Oh…I forgot,” Buffy
said, her voice taking on an innocent quality. “She can’t warm your bed,
since she obviously has no body temperature. Or maybe the frigid look is
just a look…somehow I doubt it.”

“I’m sure Billy would be more than happy to give you details,” he said with
a smile in his voice. “You know I would never leave you for her, baby. Not
like he did. I would give her up in a heartbeat- all you have to do is
ask.”

“You two deserve each other,” Buffy replied, standing up and leaning against
the porch railing. “And I’m guessing you’re not calling to tell me you’re
planning on leaving town? Or maybe jump in front of a bus? That’s probably
just my wishful thinking.”

“You always look so cute when you’re upset, Buff,” he said in a chilling
whisper. Buffy suppressed the urge to shiver at his words. “And you should
really wear white more often. It makes you look so innocent.”

Glancing down at her jeans and white sweater, a feeling of dread seemed to
surround her before her head snapped up and she looked around the
neighborhood. “What the hell are you playing at?” she asked, trying to find
him. A smarter, or more accurately, a terrified person would be backing
toward the door, wanting to find solace in their home. Buffy Summers wasn’t
about to give a man the satisfaction that she ran and hid with fear.

“I just miss you,” he replied. The honesty in his voice was almost
chilling.

“Yeah? Here’s an idea- go fuck yourself.”

Her tone of voice was so calm that Angelus didn’t have a retort ready before
she clicked the ‘end’ button on the phone. Staying where she was for
several long minutes, Buffy finally turned and walked into the house,
letting the trembling begin to take affect.

“Buffy, what’s wrong?” Joyce asked, seeing her daughter leaning against the
front door, apparently focusing on how to breathe.

“It’s nothing,” she said, shaking her head.

“Come on,” her mother coaxed gently. “I’ve read all the parenting books.
You cannot surprise me.”

“That was just…one of the guys I was hanging out with a while ago…do you
remember that guy Angel?”

“Vaguely,” Joyce replied. “I never met him, right?”

“Right. Um…he…I-I…oh God,” she mumbled, glancing down before meeting her
mother’s gaze again. “We’re sort of dating, were dating, um, going through
a serious off-again phase right now. Really serious- the kind that never goes
on-again.”

Joyce gave her daughter a reassuring smile. “Don't tell me- he's changed.
He's not the same guy you fell for?”

“In a nutshell,” Buffy replied with a nervous smile before it faded as she
remembered the powerful slap that she never could have prepared herself for.
“A-anyway, um... since he changed, he's been kinda following me around.
He's having trouble letting go.”

Joyce’s smile suddenly faded, a concerned look taking its place. “Buffy,
has he done anything…”

“No!” Buffy exclaimed, her eyes wide as she shook her head. “No, it's not
like that. He's just been hanging around…a lot. Just trying to see me, that
kind of thing. I just don't wanna see him right now. I mean, if he shows
up, I'll talk to him,” she added, thinking of her mother’s safety before her
own. “Just…don't invite him in.”

About a month passed, and things were still strained between Buffy and Spike, but for the most part, she thought that they were getting better. She was starting to break down the walls she had built around her, and she found that trusting him once again wasn’t impossible- it was just going to take some time.

They had big plans for Valentine’s Day, so when her phone rang about an hour before Spike was to arrive to pick her up, she assumed it was him. Unfortunately, she couldn’t be more incorrect.

“Hello, baby,” Angelus said in a low tone, causing her to shiver and instantly close herself off from feeling emotions.

‘This has to be a nightmare,’ she thought. ‘He didn’t call for weeks, and now today. My luck just keeps getting worse.’

“What do you want?” she replied sharply, deciding to skip the polite pleasantries of typical conversations and delving right into the heart of the call.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, sweetheart,” he replied, practically purring. “I was wondering if I could take you out tonight.”

“Are you deluded?” she asked, becoming angry. “Why would I even consider going anywhere with you?”

“Because you and your boy-toy are no longer together,” he answered, and she raised an eyebrow, confused.

“What the hell are you talking about?” she asked, sitting on her bed.

“I saw him talking with Dru yesterday,” he replied. “They were at the Espresso Pump together, looking like old friends. In fact, I saw them leave together.” She instantly felt sick.

‘No he didn’t,’ she thought. ‘He told me he was hanging out with some of the guys at the Bronze.’ She fought back a wave of nausea. ‘Right?’

“So I just assumed that he’s with her again,” Angelus continued, snapping Buffy back to reality. “Makes sense and all, reconciling before Valentine’s Day. No one wants to be alone, Buff. And a girl like you deserves better than that.”

“Yeah, I do,” she agreed, frowning. “And since you’re not nearly good enough for me, my evening does not and will not include anything with you. Stop calling me, stop following me, and back the hell off before I report you to the police. Understand?”

“Why would I do that, babe?” he asked. “You know I love you, and you love me, too.” She clenched her fists. “Love is forever, Buffy.” She hung up the phone instantly and ran to the bathroom, finally succumbing to the sick feeling inside her as she remembered saying the same thing to Spike once before.

‘Oh god,’ she thought, leaning back against her bathtub. ‘I need to know what happened. Right now.’

* * * * *

The hour slowly passed, and when Spike finally rang her doorbell, she quickly opened the door and was presented with a dozen blood red roses. She raised an eyebrow, staring at them.

‘Is he overcompensating for seeing Dru and not telling me?’ she wondered. ‘Why else would he do something this grandiose? He’s always been a single rose or a small bouquet kind of guy, but this…this is too much.’

“Do you like them?” he asked, confused by the expression on her face. She looked at him and nodded.

“They’re beautiful,” she said, carefully taking them from him. “Thank you.”

“Is everything alright, luv?” he asked, tilting his head as he studied her. “You look a little pale.”

“I’m not feeling well,” she answered, shrugging. “But I’m fine. Let me just go put these in a vase.” He frowned as she turned and walked to the kitchen before following her.

“We can stay in tonight, if you’d like,” he offered. “I don’t want you to be out and about while feeling ill.” She took a deep breath and turned to face him.

“Where were you last night?” she asked, crossing her arms. Her quizzical tone surprised him.

“At the Bronze with Finn and Harris,” he answered. “Why?” She leaned back against the countertop.

“If I called them and asked them right now, would they agree that you were with them?” she asked. “Or would they be lying to cover up where you really were?” He raised an eyebrow.

“What’re you talking about, pet?” he asked, more confused than he was before. “I was with them until midnight. Anyone at the Bronze last night could vouch for that.” She looked down. “What’s going on?”

“Did you see Dru at all yesterday?” she asked, looking at him again. He shook his head, frowning.

“No,” he answered. “Why would I do that? I’d rather shove a stake in my heart than see her.” She smiled slightly before turning away from him again. “Where would you get an idea like that from?”

“It’s nothing,” she said quietly, cutting off the ends of the rose stems so that they would fit in the vase.

“No, it’s obviously not ‘nothing’ because you seemed mightily distressed about a minute ago,” he replied. She sighed and looked at him again.

“Angelus told me that he saw you with Dru at the Espresso Pump yesterday,” she said, studying him to see how he’d react. He clenched his fists.

“I wasn’t at the Espresso Pump,” he said, gritting his teeth. “You believed him? You honestly believed that I lied to you so that I could see her again?” She looked down. “Do you really not trust me at all, Buffy?” She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to fight the urge to cry.

“I didn’t know,” she answered sadly. “I do trust you, Spike. It’s just…I had memories from last year, from what happened when you started liking Dru while we were still dating, and it just took over. I didn’t want to believe him, but I didn’t know what the truth was. I’m sorry.” He slowly walked over to her, embracing her in a hug and kissing the top of her head. “He said it to try to break us up, didn’t he?” Spike nodded, looking at her. “He’s praying on my weaknesses, Spike. He knows that I have trust issues with men. I’m sorry. I should’ve believed you, given you the benefit of the doubt. I just got so scared.”

“It’s okay, luv,” he said quietly, grazing her cheek. “He was lying to you to take you away from me again, but I wouldn’t ever let that happen. And even if you don’t want to be with me, I refuse to let you be with someone who doesn’t deserve you. You’re better than that, Buffy.” She was reminded of what Angelus had said but tried her best to forget it.

“I want to be with you again, Spike,” she replied, sighing. “It’s just going to take some time.”

“I’ll wait forever if I have to,” he said, gently kissing her forehead. “I promise.”

It was in that moment that Buffy knew she was going to trust him wholeheartedly again soon, and even if she got hurt again, she knew that he loved her, and for now, that was enough.

---

A/N We know that a lot of you still don’t understand why Spike broke up with Buffy and there’s a very good reason- there is no good reason. Sometimes people (especially at the age they were) just can’t make it work, but taking a step back and a second look (from both sides) is what makes a relationship worth the time. That’s the point that we were trying to reach in this story. Is love really worth a second chance? If you love someone so much, can you put your heart out there again? Buffy runs the risk of getting her heart broken again, but what most people don’t realize is that Spike runs the risk of being used by Buffy, who realistically could just be out for revenge. These aren’t avenues that we’re going to explore or this story would get really long, but they’re both putting a lot on the line. Spike will never be back in everyone’s good graces because of what he did, but our standpoint is, could Buffy forgive him? Because when you truly love someone, you (eventually) get to the point where the past can be overlooked, not forgotten, but you move on. Thank you to everyone who is still reading and reviewing! ~ Ashlee & Allison

Walking hand in hand through the streets of Sunnydale, Buffy leaned her head
on Spike’s shoulder, marveling at how relaxed she was. Wrapping his arm
around her, he gently kissed the top of her head. “Feeling alright, luv?”
he asked.

“Yeah,” she said with a smile, looping her arms around his waist and
allowing him to pull her closer. “Never felt better.”

“Never?” he asked, stopping to look at her with a raised eyebrow and an
amused expression.

“Pervert,” Buffy replied, lightly slapping his chest. She was about to pull
away when she felt him pull her closer, letting his lips brush across hers.
“Mmmm,” she sighed with a contented smile. “I can get used to this.”

“You better not,” Spike said with his own smile. “I plan on giving you
plenty of surprises.”

“All good?” she asked, a trace of insecurity making its way into her voice
as she looked away.

Gently tilting her head back up to face him, Spike brushed a tendril of hair
away. “Do you trust me?”

“I…”

“I know it’ll take some time,” he said softly. “And I don’t know how to
make you believe that I won’t hurt you again. All I can do is say that I
love you. My feelings are the strongest they’ve ever been, and I can’t
believe I gave up on us for something that wasn’t even half as good. I hurt
you…I hurt you in more ways than I can imagine, because if it wasn’t for me,
you wouldn’t have been in the situation with that ponce.”

“Spike-“

“I love you,” he whispered, staring into her eyes. “I need you to know
that.”

Taking a deep breath, Buffy gave him a soft smile, reaching up and cupping
his cheek in her hand. “I love you, too. And I know…I know that you won’t
hurt me again. I guess I’m still a little on edge considering…Angelus and
Dru.”

“Don’t worry about them, pet. We haven’t had to talk to them in over a
month and-“

“Are coming this way.”

Gritting his teeth and rolling his eyes skyward, Spike sighed. “Why am I
getting a sense of déjà vu?”

Glancing over his shoulder at the approaching couple, a slow smile spread
across Buffy’s face.

“You wanna get out of-“

Before Spike could finish the question, Buffy grabbed the lapels of his
duster and jerked him down to smash her lips against his. Smiling against
her lips, he realized what she was doing and eagerly wrapped his arms around
her waist, gently pushing her against the wall of a nearby building and
subtly grinding himself against her as her hands traveled up his muscles to
twine through his hair.

Moaning when his tongue dipped into her mouth, Buffy pushed against him,
completely forgetting the original purpose of the kiss as she got lost in the feel of him against her. Forgetting, that is, until Spike suddenly
disappeared from her hold, leaving Buffy with flushed skin and an
accelerated heartbeat.

Before she even had a chance to catch up to what was going on, she gasped
when she saw Spike slamming a punch into Angelus’ jaw, ducking as the larger
man swung back at him. She saw Dru standing behind Angelus, but watching
Spike made Buffy temporarily forget about the fight as she imagined shoving
the other girl’s head into the pavement.

Not thinking about her own safety, Buffy ran in between the two men,
resisting the urge to cower when they still tried to get at each other.

“Don’t you touch her,” Angelus growled in a possessive voice.

“I’ll touch her any bloody way I please. She’s not yours!” Spike yelled
back, breathing heavily. Slowly focusing on Buffy, he met her worried eyes
as she ran her hands over his chest in a soothing gesture. His eyes
softened when he reached up to trail a hand along her cheek. “You alright,
princess?”

“Fine,” she whispered. “I’m more worried about you.”

Buffy gasped when she felt herself pulled away from Spike. Jerking her arm
away from Angelus’ grip, she motioned for Spike to let her handle it,
waiting until he grudgingly relented before she turned around.

“Don’t touch me,” she hissed in a menacing voice, her eyes flashing as she
stared up at him with hatred.

“Come home with me,” he said softly, looking into her eyes.

“My God, you really are psychotic, aren’t you?” she asked in disbelief,
taking a step back. Seeing Drusilla approaching Spike, Buffy whirled
around, pointing a finger in her direction. “Come one more step closer and
you’ll get reacquainted with my right hook.” Waiting until the other girl
wisely stopped, Buffy turned to face Angelus. “I don’t know how else to
tell you this- I’m not yours! I never really was and you never wanted me to
be. If you did, you wouldn’t have been out fucking other girls.”

“Like your boy there?” Angelus asked, gesturing to Spike.

“I never-“

Buffy spun around, placing a hand on Spike’s chest as he tried to get around
her. “I know,” she whispered, looking into his eyes. “You never did that.
I’m the only one who needs to believe that, so don’t worry about him,” she
finished, jerking her head in Angelus’ direction before turning to face him
again.

“I’m with Spike. I don’t know what else to tell you, but you’re not getting
me back. You cheated on me, lied to me, and hit me, and I-“

“It’s not like you didn’t deserve it! Whoring yourself out to-“

The solid thud of a fist hitting flesh filled the air before Buffy took a
step toward a very surprised Spike, shaking her hand to ward off the throbbing.
She smiled as Angelus howled in pain, holding his hand to his eye. “How do
you like it?” she asked, feeling an overwhelming sense of satisfaction and
vindication. “There are definitely two whores here, and I’m looking at both
of them,” she said, her gaze traveling between Angelus and Drusilla,
surprised that the other girl hadn’t said anything.

Relaxing slightly when she felt Spike’s arm wrap around her waist, Buffy
turned toward him. “Let’s go home,” she murmured, snuggling closer to his
chest.

“With pleasure, luv,” he said with a bright smile, watching as Angelus shot
him a hateful glare before turning and leading her down the street, never
sparing Drusilla a second glance. “Although I wish you would have let me
hit him some more,” he said with a secretive smile. “Why’d you have to stop
me before I got my licks in?”

Buffy giggled. “Because I didn’t feel like having a black and blue
boyfriend.”

“Hey!”

“I’m just speaking from your past experience. I have no doubt in my mind
that he would be hurting a lot more than you when you finished with him, but
I like you just the way you are.”

Emphasizing her point, Buffy let her hand trail along the hard muscles of
his abdomen.

“I love you, Spike,” she whispered.

“I love you, too,” he said, smiling when she nervously looked down, biting
her lip. “What’s wrong?”

“Do you want to go to prom?” she asked, looking at him with wide eyes. Her
expression closed off when Spike began laughing. “I didn’t think it was
that funny,” she said, trying to pull away in a huff.

“It’s not,” Spike replied, holding her close to him. “It’s just the fact
that you called me your boyfriend and then told me you love me, but you’re
nervous about asking me to a dance. You’re adorable,” he finished with a
smile, tenderly trailing his hand along her cheek.

“And you never answered the question.”

“I would be honored to go with you, sweetheart.”

After getting ready to leave, Buffy looked at herself in the mirror, smiling. The periwinkle blue strapless dress fit her perfectly, and she loved how it looked like it was for a princess. When the doorbell rang, she made sure her hair was perfect and took a deep breath before grabbing her purse, slipping on matching heels and carefully walking downstairs. Spike stood there in a tuxedo and a light blue tie, watching her descend with a grin on his face.

‘She looks so beautiful in blue,’ he thought, looking up and down her body. ‘Always flawless.’

“Do I look okay?” she asked, insecure from his stare. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead.

“You look downright delicious,” he answered, smiling. She giggled and leaned against him as Joyce came towards them, holding a camera.

“You two always have made such a perfect couple,” Joyce said, smiling warmly at them both. They exchanged looks before setting themselves up for pictures. When she finished, she opened the door for them and gasped when she looked outside. “You have a limo? Again?” Buffy looked at Spike with wide eyes.

“Like I said once before, nothing but the best for my girl,” he said, kissing her temple and taking her hand in his. “Ready to go, luv?” She nodded, still surprised.

“Have fun, kids,” Joyce said, watching them walk to the limo and get inside of it before pulling away. “Hopefully this time, things will go better for them.”

* * * * *

As Buffy looked around the limo, she frowned, remembering what had happened at the Christmas Dance the year before.

‘He got us a limo and ended up dumping me,’ she thought. ‘Surely he wouldn’t do that again, right?’ She looked at him and realized he was watching her with a smile on his face.

“Are you okay, pet?” he asked, cupping her cheek with his hand. “Is this too much?” She sighed and shook her head, managing a small smile.

“No,” she answered, curling up against his side. “It’s perfect.” She shrugged off her negative thoughts and decided that she couldn’t let them ruin her night.

‘We’re starting over again,’ she thought. ‘He wouldn’t do this to me, not again. He’s told me thousands of times that he loves me and doesn’t want to hurt me anymore. He didn’t change his mind, right?’

“You seem like you’re thinking about something,” he said. “What’s on your mind, princess?”

“I was remembering what happened the last time you rented a limo for us,” she answered honestly, looking down. He frowned and tilted her chin up to look at her.

“Luv, don’t think about that night,” he said firmly. “I messed up, and I’m going to spend the rest of my life guilty for it, never forgiving myself. All I’m trying to do is make you happy now, Buffy, with hopes that someday you’ll trust me again. I want things to be right, and this just seemed like a good start.” She smiled softly and kissed his cheek.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “No more bad memories. Only good ones from now on, remember?”

“Right,” he agreed, nodding. “Everything from here on out will be good.” She smiled contently and looked at him.

“Can you believe we’re going to prom together?” she asked.

“Always planned on it,” he answered, shrugging. “I can’t imagine who I’d rather be with.” He gently kissed her before grazing her cheek. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, Spike,” she said quietly before leaning against him again. “And you’re right- I think this was a good way to start things off right.”

* * * * *

As they walked into the decorated gymnasium in the high school, their fellow students looked at them with surprised expressions. Spike raised an eyebrow.

“You think that they’d have expected us to show up together,” he said as she linked her arm with his. “Especially since we’ve been friends for months now.”

“Yeah, but I guess things are different,” she replied, shrugging. “We haven’t gone to a dance together in over a year, and this is prom, after all. One of the most important events for a teenager.” He looked at her, smiling.

“So, what shall we do first?” he asked. “Go find our friends, get some punch, or can I spin you around on the dance-floor for a while?”

“Friends, then dancing, then punch,” she answered. He led her towards a table that was reserved for them and their friends. Willow and Oz were already there, waiting, and the girls gushed over how each other looked. Spike looked at Oz and smiled.

“You look fabulous in a tux,” Spike said, looking at his friend. Oz smirked as Buffy playfully punched Spike’s arm. “Hey! I thought we were saving that for after dancing.” She laughed and shook her head before looking at Willow once again, who was wearing a dark blue dress.

“Hey, Buffy, look who just walked in,” Willow said, smiling. Buffy turned to look at the door, seeing Jonathan standing there, Faith beside him. Buffy’s jaw dropped as she looked at them. “Did they show up together?”

“I think so,” she answered quietly, in disbelief. “I can’t say I ever expected to see something like that happen.” Faith spotted Buffy and smiled at her before saying something to Jonathan. They walked over to the table together, smiling. “Hi, Faith, Jonathan.”

“Hello, Buffy,” Jonathan said, looking like an excited child on Christmas morning, probably because of the beauty he had as a date.

“Hi, B,” Faith said, leaning up against Jonathan as he wrapped an arm around her waist.

“I didn’t expect you here,” Buffy said, looking at the couple standing in front of her.

“Yeah, well, I was invited and figured why not,” Faith said, shrugging. “We’ve been dating for a couple of weeks.” Buffy couldn’t shake the shock that was taking over her. “But as a side note, I just want to say that I’m sorry for what happened between us, B. I didn’t treat you well, and you were right when you said that we weren’t really friends. But if anything, I want to thank you because you made me realize that I needed to change.” She smiled at Jonathan. “And here I am.”

“I’m happy for you two,” Buffy said sincerely. “And Faith, you’re forgiven.” The brunette smiled at Buffy before she walked away with Jonathan. Buffy looked at Willow, still dumbfounded. “How long do you think they’ll last?”

“Who knows?” Willow answered, giggling. “Could be a week, could be forever.” She looked at the door again and frowned, her eyes widening.

“What is it?” Buffy asked, turning around so she could follow her friend’s gaze, frowning when she saw who had walked in. “Drusilla and Angelus.”

Buffy sized up the couple for a moment before Angelus’ eyes turned to her,
perusing her body in a way that made her feel naked under his gaze. He
wisely stayed where he was with one arm wrapped around Drusilla’s waist.

“Ignore them,” Buffy said, turning to Spike and smiling when he pulled her
close to him, nuzzling her neck possessively. “This is our night, and I
don’t plan on having either of them ruin it.”

Spike gave her a bright smile before grabbing her hand and leading her to
the dance floor.

“You’re not even going to ask me?” she asked with a playful giggle. “You
just assume I want to dance.”

“My apologies,” Spike replied in an upper-class British accent, standing
straight before politely bowing before her. “My lady, may I have this
dance?”

Buffy’s laughter rang out through the gym as Spike lifted her into the air
and swung her around before slowly lowering her to her feet.

“I never knew you were such a gentleman,” she said with a soft smile,
letting her hand play in the curls at the nape of his neck.

“I guess you just bring it out in me, luv.”

Buffy looked down shyly before meeting his sharp blue gaze. “I love you,
you know?”

“I do know…but it’s always nice to hear,” he said in a whisper before
pulling her close enough that she could feel the breath on her ear. “I love
you, too. More than anything in this world.”

Buffy blushed before resting her head against his shoulder and closing her
eyes, letting herself enjoy the relaxing feeling of being pressed against
him.

* * * * *

An hour later, Buffy sat at a round table, smiling as Spike twirled Willow
around the dance floor. She felt bad that her friend didn’t get to dance
very much since Oz was always performing for the school functions, so she
was grateful to see her friend having such a good time.

“Having fun?”

Buffy didn’t have to turn around to know the owner of the voice. Choosing
to ignore him, she quietly sipped her punch, watching her boyfriend and best
friend.

“They make a cute couple, don’t they?” Angelus said, sitting down next to
her, gritting his teeth when Buffy continued to ignore them. “I didn’t mean
to hurt you,” he whispered, feeling slightly triumphant when she turned her
cold green eyes on him but remained silent. “If you give me another
chance, I’ll never hit you again.”

“No.”

The simple word was said so forcefully, Angelus sat back in his seat.

“Just a date, Buffy,” he said softly. “I won’t go out with any other women,
it will just be you.”

“Do you have problems with that word?” Buffy asked, giving him a scathing
look. “I said no, Angelus. I’m with someone else now…who I love. I trust
him, but even if he wasn’t in the picture, I would never give you another
chance. The sooner you realize that, the better off we’ll both be. Now go
back to Drusilla and leave me the hell alone.”

The entire speech was barely louder than a whisper, but it impacted Angelus
in such a powerful way, he couldn’t take his eyes off her.

“Is there a problem here?” Spike asked, glaring at the other man while
laying a comforting hand on Buffy’s shoulder.

“Everything’s fine,” she said, standing up and wrapping her arms around his
waist. “Let’s dance.”

“What did he say?” Spike asked when he had her securely held in his embrace,
gently swaying them to the music.

“The same thing he’s said for the past few months…maybe I actually got
through to him this time.”

“What did you tell him?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Buffy teased with a smile.

“Buffy,” Spike replied in a warning tone.

“I told him I love you.”

“You what?!”

“YOU!” Buffy yelled with a laugh, slapping him on his chest. “You, you
idiot. I didn’t say ‘I love you’- I said I was in love with you…Spike,” she
clarified. “Bleached menace of Sunnydale High.”

Spike smiled sheepishly, biting his lip in a way that Buffy found endearing.
“Sorry, luv,” he said. “Just a little miscommunication.”

“You’re forgiven on one condition.”

“What’s that?” he asked, tilting his head to study her.

“Kiss me,” she whispered.

A brief smile lit up Spike’s face before he lowered his lips to hers, gently
caressing them and lightly trailing his tongue along her bottom lip, begging
entrance that Buffy eagerly granted.

Moaning into his mouth, Buffy clasped her hands behind his neck, pulling him
closer to her as she pressed her body against his, driving him crazy with
lust.

Breaking away after a moment, each panted for air. Buffy looked up into
Spike’s clouded blue eyes and gave him a soft, almost shy smile.

“Do you think we could leave?” she whispered, running her hands along his
chest.

“We can do anything you want, princess.”

“Good,” she said, grasping his hands in hers and leading him back to the
table to get her wrap and purse before walking toward the door. “Because I
have a surprise for you.”

“What’s that, pet?” he asked, holding the door open for her and letting her
pass through.

Buffy slowly turned around to face him when she realized they were alone.
Reaching into her purse, she bit her lip as she extracted what looked like a
credit card.

“What’s this?” he asked, taking it from her. His eyes grew wide when he
realized what it was. “You got us a hotel room.”

“I did,” she whispered. “Unless you don’t want to-“

Buffy was immediately silenced when his lips fused with hers, causing her to
grasp at his coat to keep herself upright, fighting the dizzying emotions
that were passing through her.

“Let’s get out of here,” Spike said in a husky whisper.

* * * * *

Buffy shivered as Spike clasped her hand in his, walking through the door to
the hotel room.

“You okay, luv?” he asked softly, turning toward her and gently trailing his
hand down her cheek.

“A little nervous,” she whispered, looking at the floor.

Gently hooking a finger under her chin, Spike tilted her head up to look at
him. “We don’t have to do this if you’re not ready.”

“I’m ready,” she whispered, her eyes filled with honesty. “It’s just…”

“What?” he asked, looking at her in concern.

“It’s been a while,” she said softly, taking a deep breath to calm her
nerves. “And we’ve both…”

Buffy trailed off, gesturing back and forth between the two of them.

“…with other people. What if it’s not the same?”

“Buffy, it will be perfect,” Spike whispered, pulling her to him for a warm
hug.

“What if you don’t like me anymore?” she asked, looking at him with such
insecurity his heart felt like it was breaking.

“Not possible,” he said, shaking his head.

“What if I’m not like…her?”

“I don’t want you to be like her,” he said softly. “I always wished she was
you.”

Her eyes widened and she took a step back, feeling her heart slamming in her
chest. “What?”

Spike took a deep breath, looking away from her for a moment. “I don’t know
if we should be getting into this tonight, pet.”

“I think we should.”

Seeing the determination and curiosity in her gaze, Spike nodded his
consent, loosening his tie as he sat down on the bed and unbuttoning the
top few buttons of his shirt. “I didn’t…we didn’t…”

“Have sex,” Buffy filled in. Spike’s eyes shot up to hers, but he saw that
she wasn’t angry, simply helping him.

Nodding, he continued, “We didn’t for several months.” Taking a deep
breath, he looked at the shocked look on her face.

“Why?” she asked. “I thought that was…that was the whole reason you…”

“I didn’t break up with you for that. I just didn’t…”

“Have the same feelings,” Buffy whispered, holding back the tears. “That’s
what you told me.”

“I’m sorry,” he said softly, his voice cracking with emotion.

“Why didn’t you?” she asked, taking a deep breath, wanting to find out the
reason.

“Because I felt like I was unfaithful to you,” he whispered, a tear slipping
down his cheek before he quickly wiped it away, clearing his throat.
Looking up at her, Spike saw the tears in her eyes and felt his heart drop
into his stomach. “I’ll go…if that’s what you want, I’ll-“

Spike was silenced when Buffy grabbed his hand and pulled him to his feet,
leaving a soft kiss on his lips. “I felt the same way,” she murmured. “I…I
had a dream. It started out as you and then you turned into…him, and it just
made me realize that you were the only one for me.”

Ignoring the jealousy that was raging inside of him and the pain he was
feeling that he’d been the one to push her away, Spike brushed his lips over
hers in a tender kiss. His hands traveling to her back and unzipping the
dress, staying in tune with her reaction to his advances in case she wanted
to stop at any time.

He moaned when she pushed him back to the bed, eagerly pulling off his
clothes as he backed up. Buffy let her dress pool on the floor, watching as
Spike’s eyes darkened with desire when he took in her nude form before a
smirk formed on his lips. “Naughty girl.”

“Me?” Buffy asked, gesturing to herself with an innocent expression. He
merely raised an eyebrow in response. “You’re one to talk,” she said in a
husky whisper, planting herself in his lap and pointing out his own lack of
underwear.

Before he could respond, Buffy pulled him to her, leaving a soft kiss on his
lips that quickly escalated, taking on a more ferocious quality. Pulling
him closer to her, Spike’s hands tenderly grabbed her hips, lifting her up
before he gently pushed into her. Buffy moaned as his length slid inside her,
completing her. Never breaking away from the kiss, Spike trailed his hand
up her, ghosting over her ribs and breast before tenderly touching the side
of her face, conveying all his emotions through the simple gesture.

Buffy broke away from his lips, gasping for breath as her body shuddered at
the rush of pleasure that swept through her. She looked into his eyes when
she felt him slowly grind his hips against hers, picking up the pace as she
watched him. Buffy moaned and eagerly pushed back against him, seeking her
release.

Spike felt like he was drowning in her as he began speeding up his thrusts,
gripping her hips more forcefully and plunging into her welcoming depths. He
could feel his climax approaching and gritted his teeth, trying to hold off
as long as possible. It had been so long since he felt this pleasure, he
wanted it to last. Moving with her for as long as he could, he felt Buffy’s inner muscles
tighten around him, causing her to push against him when she began to lose
control. Tightening her hold on his shoulders, Buffy screamed out in
pleasure as she came.

Spike pulled her closer to him when he felt her muscles clenching and
releasing around him. After a few more thrusts, he finally let himself
follow her over the edge, his body pulsing as he clutched at Buffy in an almost brutal hold. Groaning in ecstasy, Spike opened his eyes, looking right into a pair of shimmering green eyes that held so much adoration and trust he felt his heart swell.

Pulling her to him for a gentle kiss, Spike pulled away, trying to catch his
breath, pressing his forehead to hers. “I love you, Buffy,” he whispered.

“I love you, Spike,” she murmured, her voice already tired from the exertion
of the night.

“William.”

“What?” she asked, looking at him in confusion.

“Call me William,” he repeated, brushing a lock of hair out of her eyes. “Spike is a creation that I don’t want to associate with you.”

Buffy stared at him thoughtfully for a moment. “I’ll call you William on
one condition.”

“What’s that, luv?” he asked, watching as her lips quirked in a smile.

“You keep the hair the way it is…you look unbelievably hot as a blonde.”

Buffy squealed when Spike flipped them on the bed, tickling her mercilessly
before pressing another kiss to her lips. “It’s a deal.”

The next few weeks passed quickly for the couple, and time definitely helped their relationship flourish once again. Whatever trust issues Buffy once had were almost completely absent, and thankfully, Angelus didn’t try contacting her again after prom.

‘Looks like he’s out of my life for good,’ she thought as she reflected on the past year. She looked in her mirror after zipping up her pastel pink sundress and sliding on sandals. She curled her hair, put on a minor amount of make-up, and left her house with her mother, holding her cap and gown in her hands. ‘I can’t believe I’m graduating today.’

“It seems like the last four years flew by, doesn’t it?” Joyce asked, looking at her daughter as she drove to the high school. Buffy nodded, smiling. “My little girl’s all grown up.”

“But I’m still your little girl,” Buffy replied, trying to appease her mother. Joyce laughed and pulled into the high school’s parking lot.

“I’m proud of you, Buffy,” Joyce said after parking the car. “You’ve dealt with so much in your life, primarily with men. First your father, then William, then that Angelus character…”

“Yes, I know my bad track record,” Buffy said as her mother trailed off. “I’m working on improving it.”

“I know you are, honey,” she replied, looking at her daughter. “And that was my point. You could let so many opportunities in life pass you by because some things in your past haven’t gone well, but you’re not letting anything stop you or get in the way, and I’m proud of you for that. You’re a strong young woman who knows what she wants and is doing her best to make things happen. You’re the best daughter a mother could hope for, and I’m thankful that you’ve grown up to be such an amazing woman.” Buffy felt a tear roll down her cheek before she hugged her mother. Joyce smiled and blinked away tears before pulling away. “Now, we’re both wearing mascara, so let’s not make a mess of our faces.” Buffy laughed and wiped off her cheek. “And we can’t have you be late for your graduation. Let’s get a move-on.” They got out of the car and walked towards the building. “I can’t believe you’ll be off to college in a couple of months.”

“Mom, I’m going to UC-Sunnydale,” Buffy replied, raising an eyebrow. “I’m only a few miles away.”

“I know,” Joyce said. “I’m just a concerned parent.” Buffy smiled softly. “I’m going to go claim a seat outside, so I’ll let you go on ahead to be with your friends.” She kissed her daughter’s cheek and walked away. Buffy took a deep breath before looking around and spotting Willow, Cordelia, Oz, and William. Sam, Riley, and Xander were off to the side, already in their caps and gowns. Buffy walked over to Willow and William, surprised when Willow embraced her tightly.

“Willow…can’t breathe,” Buffy managed to get out, smiling. Willow backed off, grinning.

“We’re going to be rooming together!” Willow said excitedly. Buffy’s eyes widened as she hugged Willow. “I know! How cool is that?!”

“Well, then it’s good Red already knows me because I plan on being with you all of the time,” William said, wrapping his arm around Buffy’s waist. She giggled as he nuzzled his face into her neck.

“I just don’t understand why you’re going to stay here,” Buffy said, looking at Willow. “You could go anywhere. Every college in the world would die to have you.”

“And leave my best friend? I don’t think so, buddy,” Willow replied, smiling. “And besides, everyone else is staying. Oz and William are going to be there, and Xander will still be in town…Cordelia’s heading out to L.A., but big loss there.”

“Standing right here,” Cordelia cut in, glaring at Willow.

“I was just kidding,” Willow replied, smiling. “But my point is, everyone will be close, and if I had left, I wouldn’t have been, and far be it for me to set up shop somewhere else when everyone I care about is here.”

“So, roomie, when can we start buying dorm decorations?” Buffy asked cheerfully.

“After we get our diplomas, luv,” William replied, chuckling. “We have to be outside in about five minutes.”

“Fine, spoil my fun,” Buffy said, frowning playfully.

They all put on their caps and gowns before heading outside to where the ceremony would be. William and Willow sat on both sides of her, and as the ceremony began, Buffy realized it was the end of an era, that everything was going to change after they left that day.

‘But it’s a new beginning,’ she thought. ‘And I think we’ve all earned that.’ William took her hand in his and squeezed it gently, and she smiled at him. ‘Especially him and I.’

* * *

After festivities ended for the day, Buffy, William, and Joyce returned to the Summers house as the sun began to set, and the young couple sat out on the front porch swing. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder, and she rested her head on his chest, sighing.

“Things seem perfect right now,” she said quietly. “Don’t you think?” He nodded and ran his hand over her hair.

“That they do,” he agreed. “So, luv, what now?” She looked at him. “What happens from here?”

“I don’t know,” she answered, laying her head down again. “But right now, let’s just live in the moment. We’ve got all of the time in the world to think about the future.” He smiled as she yawned. “William? Tell me a story.”

“A story?” he asked, surprised. She nodded. “Why?”

“Because you were always the creative one, and I’m sleepy,” she answered, smiling softly.

‘And I love hearing your voice,’ she thought.

“Okay, princess,” he replied, thinking for a moment. “Once upon a time-” She shook her head, and he looked at her, his eyebrow raised. “No?”

“Twice,” she corrected simply.

“What?” he asked in confusion.

“Once is too easy,” she said with a shrug. “Taking a second look is what makes anything worthwhile. It makes you realize what you have.”

Spike smiled at her logic, pulling her closer to him and letting her snuggle up against his chest more. “Twice upon a time…”



THE END

---

A/N We’d like to thank everyone who has supported us and reviewed since the beginning of this story- your continuous interest has been extremely appreciated by both of us! We’d also like to thank those who voted for us as Best Spuffy Fic a couple of weeks ago. After being so skittish to post this fic, we both are quite proud of the end result and are grateful that you all seem to have enjoyed it just as much as we did writing it. Also, we’d like to thank Sierra for giving us this idea a couple of months ago. Any final comments and questions are welcome, and once again, thank you all for your kindness and support throughout Twice Upon a Time.

Sincerely,

Ashlee and Allison

These two poems were sent to us by Kimber. We wanted to work them into the story, but we unfortunately could never make them fit. However, we wanted everyone to be able to read them, so a huge thank you to Kimber for such a thoughtful gesture! These were so unexpected and sweet!


Poem #1

Where once I craved your touch
I now cringe
For a time I wanted to remember
everything about us
Now I wish to forget we ever met

To say we once loved
now only means it was a lie
for memories that should warm me
only make my heart grow cold
a cheating mate deserves no piece of my heart.




Poem #2

To love is to trust, but you confuse it with lust.
Am I just a fancy, until your next Nancy
These are questions that I'm afraid of asking
I fear your love for me again could be passing
and you would give my heart another thrashing
To love so greatly, to love so lightly
How do I trust you don't cheat nightly
you did it once, you could do it twice
I'm not sure I can again pay the price.