Disclaimer: I wished I owned them, they'd still be on the air on my very own Mutent channel. I would like to thank Joss for creating these wonderful characters that we refuse to let die.

Pairings: S/B, S/Fred (temp, and written to meet the need of the story, so graphic sex between them of the not so nice kind, B/Riley.

A/N: WARNING, a DARK piece of fiction with a light at the end of the tunnel. Love is not always easy, can sometimes be very hard and one might think beyond their reach once they lose it. I will warn everyone before the bad girl Fred scenes occurs. I decided to make one of the girls the bad person in this story.....yep Angel and Riley will not be the bad guys here.....All comments are welcome, but be warned this is a dark fiction.......I'm also learning LJ, under spikespet7 come and visit.



TO FORGIVE OR FORGET



Buffy watched as Spike played his heart out to the crowd. She could tell he was in the zone, as he brought the music to life with his guitar. He had told her that getting lost in the zone was like making love. That is was the next best thing to being inside her.

One year ago, today she had met the lead guitarist for Angel's Redemption, who tonight was the opening act for Eric Stewart. Their CD, Soul Catcher, went number one after 3 weeks on the charts; making them a very hot item that everyone wanted a part of. The CD has been holding its own and has remained in the top ten over the last six month.

The two young females in the row in front of her were wearing Spike tee shirts and nudging each other every time the hot guitarist would come and play in front of them. She figured each of them believed he was playing just for them, when in fact he playing to her.

"I would let him fuck me anytime or anywhere," the one girl yelled.

"I wouldn't turn him away, that's for sure," the other girl screamed back.

Buffy fought the urge to lean forward and tell them that the only person he was fucking tonight was her, his girlfriend. It was difficult to be the adult sometimes and times like this really made it even harder.

*******

Spike stood drinking his third beer since finishing their set. The rest of the band was mingling about, as he stood listening to the groupie promising him anything he wanted. The more he listened the more he wanted to laugh in her face. No one could come close to tempting him to stray. His golden princess was all he ever wanted or needed.

"I can make you come so hard baby, it would send you into next week," Harmony purred as she licked her lips and stared hungrily at the crotch of his tight black jeans. "The things I would love to do with you would make both your heads spin."

"Sorry, still not interested," Spike said dully as he lifted the beer bottle to his lips.

"Maybe we can go some where private, so I can give you a sample of what my tongue can do." She offered as she rubbed her hips with her hands, causing the hem of her short dress to rise up showing her red satin garters holding up black sheer nylons.

"Nope, nada, don't know why you're still here." Spike shrugged as he looked to see if Buffy was there yet.

"I guess I could ask you the same thing?" Buffy asked from behind him.

Spike turned and greeted her with a warm smile as he pulled her toward him, "'Cause this is where you told me to meet you."

Buffy relaxed as she remembered she had told him she'd meet him right here after his set. It just had taken longer then she had anticipated getting backstage. She wrapped her arms around his neck and met him half way as they kissed.

She heard the hard click of the blonde bimbo's stiletto heels as she scurried away bitching about the nerve of girlfriend's coming to the shows. Soon her lover's talented tongue made her forget all about the raging hormones of groupies and lusting fans.

"Coming up for air anytime soon?" Angel asked the couple.

After a few minutes of the couple still kissing, Xander asked, "God, how can they do that for so long and live?"

"Lots and lots of practice," Cordy snorted.

"Yep," Oz agreed.

"I think it's sweet," Tara replied as she shyly smiled at the couple.

"I wonder if Buffy gives lessons," Doyle said aloud, causing Spike to growl and lift his lips slightly from his lady's.

"No, she doesn't," Spike informed him.

"Spike lips, lips of Spike all for Buffy." Buffy sighed as she leaned her forehead against his chin.

"Got that right, baby." Spike chuckled as he kissed the top of her head.

"Well, let's get things packed up so we can enjoy the rest of the show," Angel suggested, hoping to catch as much of Stewart's performance as he could.

"I second that motion," Spike agreed, wanting to watch his hero play.

"Third." Oz motioned as he and the others then left to pack up their equipment and load it into their truck.

*******

Buffy's frustration was very close to becoming anger as she watched her boyfriend continue to drink heavily. He had promised he would cut back and not drink to excess anymore. For the last six months, he'd been doing a great job at it. He hadn't ingested any illegal drugs at all in that time either.

"That ass!" She mumbled as she watched him do a line of coke off the side of his hand, followed by a shot of whatever he and the other guy was drinking.

Buffy walked quickly over to her man, stood with her arms crossed across her chest and glared at him. It took the other man, nudging Spike in the ribs for him to even notice she was there.

"Hey, baby," he cooed.

"Don't hey baby me, Mister." She fumed as she pulled away from his hand. "I think it's a good time for us to leave."

"I'm not ready to leave yet. The party is really getting interesting." Spike pouted as he moved closer to her and started to get angry when she stepped away from him yet again.

"No, it's not getting more interesting, you are just getting a bit too high," she told him. "You promised me, Spike, that you'd never do drugs again. You promised to cut back on your drinking too."

"But it's a special night, baby. We opened for ES and got interviewed by the Rolling Stone," Spike reasoned.

"Man, are you a pussy or what, letting the little woman dictate to you how to celebrate your success," the man who was feeding Spike the drugs complained.

"Yeah, don't dictate to me," Spike whined, as he felt inspired by the other man's words.

"Dictate! Well let's see if you remember the deal, Spike." Buffy reminded him. "You go back to drugs; I leave your ass."

"Buffy, don't be like that baby. It's only for tonight," Spike told her.

"Spike, either you come home with me now and we talk about it, or don't come home at all." Buffy offered her ultimatum, knowing that his decision would make or break them.

"Don't threaten me, bitch," Spike snarled, feeling his manhood being challenged.

"Bitch? Did you just call me a bitch?" She asked softly the pain laced through her voice.

"If the shoe fits, wear it," Spike replied, as the other man's comment to stick to his guns encouraged him to stand his ground.

"Then I guess we have nothing more to say," Buffy told him with tears in her eyes as she turned to walk away.

Spike's inner voice was begging him to go to her and beg for forgiveness for his stupid words. But the inner demon had a hold on him and wouldn't let him do it, and it didn't help that the other man was telling him, ‘great job of telling the bossy bitch off.’

Buffy blindly made it to the elevator, refusing to break down here in front of everyone. The last thing she needed was for anyone to try and stop her from leaving. She just didn't want to deal with losing another loved one to drugs.

It still hurt that her mother had chosen the drugs over her. She would clean up one binge after another, with her mother promising to stop. The promises were lies since she continued to find needles in the bed, under the couch, on the back of the toilet, and in the cookie jar. Strange men came and went at all hours of the day or night.

The day they came to her job to tell her that her mother had died from an overdose down at the neighborhood drug house had not come as a surprise. Part of her hated her mother for doing this to them, while the other part was relieved it was finally over. There was no way she could do it again with Spike.

"Do you love him?" A male voiced asked.

She turned to see Mr. Stewart standing behind her; Spike had introduced her to him earlier, looking at her with sympathetic eyes. All she could do was shake her head yes, realizing to speak the word would bring on the tears.

"I take it this is not a first time occurrence," he stated simply, as he turned his eyes back toward the man in question.

Buffy, again, could only shake her head no. Wondering where he could be going with this and wishing the elevator would arrive and save her from further interrogation.

"Is he worth fighting for?"

"I can't take that chance anymore. I lost the fight with my mother, and I just don't have it in me to compete with the demon inside him that it brings out. He has never called me a bitch before," she whispered as the tears began to flow.

"I understand, Miss Summers, more then you will ever know." Eric said as he motioned for one of the men working for him to come over. "Deacon, see to it that Miss Summers makes it safely home."

"Yes, Mr. Stewart." He replied as he bowed his head to her and said, "Come with me Miss, we will need to go down the back elevator to reach where the limo is parked."

Buffy smiled softly and said, "Thank you."

"You are very welcome, and I hope everything works out for you," Eric said as he leaned in and lightly kissed her cheek.

He watched the petite blonde beauty walk away making a promise to her to see what he could do to make that young man of hers see the error of his ways. Maybe he could use his influence to bring the man back from the edge before he fell.

*******

Angel felt the urge to go over and clean his cousin's clock. He and Spike had formed the band in high school with several of their high school friends seven years ago. The day that Buffy had come into Spike's life had been a lifesaver for both of them.

He knew he needed to simmer down before going over and confronting Spike on his scandalous behavior. He wanted to vomit as he watched Spike let the little whore touch him like that in public.

*******

Spike felt his cock harden as he watched Harmony slowly snort the line of coke off the side of his hand and then lick it clean. The effect traveled down to his crotch.

"Oh, yeah, baby, that's it." He moaned as she took his thumb inside her mouth and sucked on it.

She hummed around it as her hand cupped his erection and massaged it in time with her suckling of his digit. Both became lost in the lust and didn't notice when someone came and pulled them apart.

"Hey, I was enjoying that mind you," Spike slurred as he reached to pull the girl back.

"You’re a bastard Rayne." Doyle snarled as he noticed the lust crazed look in other man's eyes. "You don't deserve her."

"Yes, I deserve her pretty little lips sucking me off," Spike replied misinterpreting Doyle's meaning.

"Oh, you deserve the slut; you don't deserve Buffy."

"Doyle, stop right now." Angel's voice sounded angry as he stepped between the dark haired Irishman and his drugged out cousin. "This is a conversation best held in the morning when he will remember it."

"I won't be here in the morning. I'm outta of this mess. I refuse to work with a druggie." Doyle informed his boss as he threw his hands up and backed away.

"Come on man, don't over react like that," Xander tried to reason with their rhythm guitarist.

"I've been burned too many times playing with fuck ups like him. Next, he'll be late for warm ups, his need for a fix more important. Then it'll be he can't make it to the warm ups before the show and then comes the no shows," Doyle explained, being the only one that had been in other bands than Angel's Redemption.

"I would never be late, never," Spike yelled.

"Yeah, and I never thought I'd see the day you'd chose blow for your nose and let the likes of that touch you over Buffy," Doyle said as he pointed over at Harmony with a disgusted look on his face.

"Blondie Bear don't let him talk about me like that," Harmony whined as she shot the Irishmen a glare.

"Enough!" Angel shouted. "Spike, we're leaving and I mean just you, me and Cordy."

Spike was about to say something when Cordy walked over to Harmony with a hateful look on her face. "Bitch leave before I make you leave."

"But I'm with Spike," she pouted.

"You won't be able to walk if you don't get out of my face by the time I count to five." Cordy sighed, and started to count.

Tara took the silly doped up girl by the arm and dragged her way advising her, "You don't want Cordy to show you she means business. I mean, you do make a living with your looks right? Well, after she was done, do I really need to spell it out for you?"

"But I'm with Spike," she continued to whine.

"No honey you're not with Spike," Tara gently corrected her. "'Cause if you are with him, we'd disown him."

Angel walked over getting into his cousin's face and warned him, "If you give me one ounce of trouble I will punch your lights out."

Even as intoxicated as he was, Spike knew if he bucked his cousin right now the bloke would knock his block off for sure. One thing was constant about Angel; everyone knew when they had pressed his buttons for the last time.

"Doyle, you can quite the band if you want, but not until this tour is over," Angel informed him.

"Fine!" was all Doyle said, before he left to go back to his apartment.

"The rest of you go home and get some rest, me and Cordy will take it from here," Angel instructed everyone else.

"Actually I would like for you to bring him to my suite."

Everyone looked over at the legendary rock hero and for the first time realized they'd aired their dirty laundry in front of him and his band.

"Mr. Stewart, we're sorry if we caused you any trouble," Angel apologized to the man who they were opening for.

"Don't think twice about it, just let me take care of him for now," Eric said as he walked over and stood before the man who reminded him of a time long ago.

"Mr. Rayne, we will have a long and difficult discussion when you sober up." Eric looked down at him with gentle brown eyes.

"What could you possibly have to talk to the likes of me about?" Spike snorted, feeling suddenly nauseated and dizzy.

"Nothing at the moment, but I think you need to find a place to rest and let the shit wear off," Eric advised, recognizing the look of a man coming down off his high.

"But why me of all people?"

"If you had to choose love or money what would it be?" Eric asked.

"Why not both?"

"It's not on the menu," Eric answered with a soft smile on his face.

"Money, it doesn’t leave you unless you want it too," Spike responded, with a cocky look on his face.

"But is can be taken from you and used against you just like love. The only difference, it does not fill your bed at night or brighten your days for it cannot smile like she does or curve to your body like she can. It can't kiss you and bring you bliss like she can. It can't warm you the same as when you sheath yourself deep into her body and make her scream for you by name. Then comes the children, nothing compares to when the woman you love carries the life you both created with that love. That my friend money cannot buy or compete with." Eric sighed, thinking about the women he had loved and the child he'd lost.

"I'm afraid of that kind of love," Spike whispered before he passed out as his cousin and Xander caught him.

"Let's take him to my limo and then we can put in the room next to mine," Eric said, knowing he would do everything in his power to put this young man back together again.

*******

TO FORGIVE OR FORGET part 2





Buffy found it hard not to embrace his pillow and breathe in his scent, as she pulled it close to her face. All she could do when she got home was crawl into their bed. The thought of packing and leaving was beyond her energy level at the moment because her world was crumbling around her.

*flashback*

"Hey Willow who's your pretty little friend?" Frank the bouncer at the Magic Box asked.



"This is my friend Buffy. Buffy this is Frank. He lets me in to see my Oz." Willow introduced them.



"Where have you been hiding her?" Frank asked.



"Nowhere. It's just has taken me like forever to get her to come down here," Willow explained.



"Well, sweetness you should make it a habit to visit us more often." He winked as he let the two women enter the club ahead of all the rest.



"He's hot for you," Willow teased.



"No he's not," Buffy denied.



"Okay, live in denial, but you don't wear it well you know," Willow giggled.



"So, your boyfriend's band must be really popular." Buffy changed the subject off Willow trying to fix her up with the bouncer.



"Yeah, they are, and it scares me that he will meet someone more pretty and outgoing than me," Willow sighed.



"I find that hard to believe; he adores you," Buffy reassured her.



"I know, but look at these girls here, they have sexy, gorgeous, perky body parts."



"Willow, you are just as, if not more, beautiful then all the girls here and he knows that." Buffy shook her finger at her friend with a stern look on her face.



"Okay, my turn to change the subject." Willow was quick to redirect the conversation away from herself, "Let me tell you about the members of the band. "Angel Giles is the head honcho, lead singer of the band. Spike Rayne is the lead guitarist and sings backup and is co-founder of the group. He and Angel are cousins, since their mothers were sisters. Xander Harris is their drummer and old high school chum, Cordelia Chase is the keyboardist and Angel's girlfriend, and Doyle Gallagher is the rhythm guitarist. Tara McClay sings back up and sometimes lead with Angel. Saving the best for last, my man Oz who plays bass of the best kind."



"Wow! Nice line up," Buffy nodded.



"Yes it is, everyone but Doyle went to the same high school. Doyle came into play since we all moved here to the City of Angels. He has this great Irish lilt that melts the girls hearts, almost as good as Spike's, who's not Irish but English." Willow continued as she directed Buffy over to the Band's table.



"Willow."



"Hey, Anya, this is Buffy, Buffy this is Anya, Xander's girlfriend and the band's assistant manager." Willow introduced them as she took a set and waved Buffy to sit down next to her. "Everyone here and on time?"



"Yes, Xander was almost late cause we were having alley sex, he always plays better after he gives me orgasms." Anya answered, with a happy smile on her face.



"TMI, Anya, TMI." Willow giggled.



"No, just not afraid to tell people me and Xander have sex and enjoy it." Anya shrugged.



"Can I get you guys something to drink?"



"Hi Amy, I'll take a coke please." Willow replied.



"Corona with lime for m, please," Buffy ordered



"JD and coke." Anya told the waitress.



"Be right back ladies." Amy said with a relaxed smile on her face.



Buffy watched as a tall man walked up on the stage carrying a microphone in his hand. He had a gentle look about him with his short brownish hair and heard Willow say, "That's Lorne he manages the club."



"Hello ladies and gents, Welcome to the Magic Box and as usual we have a full house tonight." Lorne greeted the crowd and waited for the hoots and shout outs to settle before he continued. "It is an honor for me to introduce the house favorite by far, who today found out they have a record contract with Magic Box Records, give it up for Angel's Redemption."



Buffy heard the crowd roar and could feel the loyalty they had for this band. She watched as the members come on stage and she was able to identify them by the instruments they played, courtesy of Willow's earlier descriptions.



"Oh God, don't tell me Spike took her skanky ass back." Anya moaned as she rolled her eyes as a brunette with a gothic like black dress with lace walk over toward them.



"Oh, shit, I hope not either." Willow sighed with a touch of annoyance added.



"Ladies, do you mind if I sit here and wait for my Spike?" The dark haired woman asked, giving Buffy a hard glare.



"I don't know, you see Spike's new girl is here tonight and I don't think he'd want you near her." Anya said.



"You are with Spike." She hissed as she leaned toward Buffy with a look of anger on her face.



"I would say it doesn't concern you who I'm here with, like none of your business." Buffy replied as she countered with a glare of her own.



"Well, it won't last long, he belongs to me, and in the end he always comes back to me." The stranger purred, "I'm the addiction he can't shake."



"Too bad he found just the rehab then for getting over women in black then." Buffy snorted as she turned her attention back to the stage only to end up meeting the lead guitarist's intense stare.



She felt like she had just found paradise. Nothing had prepared her for how handsome, beautiful, gorgeous, dreamy, and a few others words that came to mind to describe the hunk of man she was checking out on stage. He himself was looking at her as if he was devouring her, causing her heart to race.



"Dru please go and find another table please, I want to hear my Xander's percussion thank you very much. It's a lovely beat I love to picture us screwing too." Anya dismissed the woman with a wave of her hand. "And don't come back now ya hear."



"Bitches, the lot of you is bitches." Dru muttered as she turned and walked away.



"Care to tell me who Elvira was just now?" Buffy asked, "Especially since she thinks I'm Spike's new girl."



"That was queen loony tune Drusilla Barnes, Spike's crazy ex-girlfreak." Anya informed her with a look of disgust. "Sorry about the giving you to Spike for the night, but there was no way I was spending any time with that wacky chick if I could help it."



"I think Spike will get a laugh out of it." Willow added with a mischievous smile on her face.



"As long as she doesn't start stalking me and he knows I don't kiss on the first date." Buffy semi joked, thinking the ex girlfriend was a bit on the freaky side.



"Good evening everybody, welcome to the show." The tall brown haired man announced as the band began to play.



Buffy sat back and watched the show, enjoying the mix of music the band played. She recognized some of the covers songs they played, and enjoyed the ones that sounded to be their originals. The best part was watching Dru's ex boyfriend play some of the best guitar riffs she had seen on the club scene. Thinking to herself how it would feel to have is fingers play her body with the same passion he played his guitar.



Soon it was time for the bands first break of the night and they started to meander over to the table that was reserved for them. Buffy could see the interest they directed her way, some curious, others appraising her assets.



"Well, well Red, who do we have here?" Spike asked looking Buffy up and down with keen interest.



"Oh, she's your talisman girlfriend to ward off evil Dru according to Anya. But I know her as Buffy." Willow told him with a straight face.



"I thought I saw gothic girl earlier." Xander chuckled as he leaned in to kiss his girl.



"Hey, Buffy." Oz winked as he too kissed his girl's cheek.



"So, I have to say we should let Willow and Anya pick your dates more often." Angel said giving his cousin an unusually wide smile, "I think I would vote that we keep her."



"Funny, ha, bloody, ha." Spike rolled his eyes and left to go to the bar.



"Hi, I'm Cordy, this is Tara, Angel, Oz, Xander, Doyle, and the bad rude man is Spike." Cordelia introduced them all. "Don't mind Spike, he just went to get our drinks and he will be right back."



"Well that is if he can escape the claws of batty woman zooming in at 10 o'clock." Xander warned them.



"Buffy, I think you need to go save your man." Anya winked, "Xander is not lying about the claws so be careful."



Buffy noticed they all seemed to expect her to go and save Spike from his evil ex. She glanced over at the bar and noticed how the sexy meal on legs tensed when he noticed he was about to be pounced on.



"Well, here goes nothing, and Willow, honey, dear, sweetie, you owe me big time for this." Buffy smirked at her friend.



"My money is on the sexy little blonde, but why couldn't you have given her to me and not Rayne. I know more about how to treat a lady then that git does." Doyle spoke for the first time, and all Buffy could think of was that Willow was right his accent was sexy. Just not as sexy on the man she was about to save from the batty woman.



"But you are mine, mine." Dru was saying when Buffy approached the bar.



"Sorry, Miss Darkness no light, but the operative word is 'was yours'. The correct use of the sentence is he's mine now." Buffy sighed as she maneuvered herself between Spike and the crazy one.



"Leave us." Dru's voice was angry and sounded almost out of control.



"Not without my Spike." Buffy replied with a sweet smile on her face as she looked over at the bartender and read his nametag. "Excuse me, Bart, can you be a dear and have Amy bring our order over to the band table. I like to spend as much time with my man as I can. I mean you can never be too possessive, can you?"



"I love it when you get all cave woman over me, Goldilocks. It makes me feel so manly and wanted." Spike purred as he leaned in to kiss her neck.



"Well, just giving it back, baby." Buffy laughed, his lips tickled her skin.



"I got something I want to give you alright." Spike chuckled as he waggled his eyebrows.



"You sir are a scoundrel and a pervert." Buffy laughed, enjoying the flirting, even if it was just for show.



"This is your last chance Spike, I will leave and never come back, do you hear me?" Dru stomped trying to get his attention back on her.



"Did you hear something, baby?" Buffy asked as she took Spike's hand and led him back to their table.



Spike leaned in and whispered, "Can you really be my girlfriend for real?"



Buffy stopped suddenly and he moved up against her wrapping his arm around her waist. "Go out with me Sunday?"



"I not sure I want to get involved with you, something about you scares me." Buffy answered truthfully because her instincts were telling her, she could lose herself in this man.



"I promise not to bite and will keep my hands in full view at all times and I won't kiss you unless you let me." Spike promised.



"Where are we going?"



"Let's go to the zoo."



Buffy smiled as she agreed, "The zoo it is. What time?"



"What time is good for you?"



"Are you playing Saturday night?"



"Yeah."



"Then how about noon?"



"Sounds perfect, can you pack us a lunch, and I'll get the drinks."



"It's a date."



"I think I agree with Angel."



Buffy turned to look at him confused when he continued, "I think we will keep you."



Buffy laughed as he then turned the tables and led her back to the table. She noticed that Doyle had a scowl on his face, and realized he must have been interested in her as well.



"So nice bar show, more interesting than the floor show. I was waiting for the dramatic kiss and you taking her to the back to make her scream." Anya said being her normal blunt self.



"I had thought of it, but just not enough time left to give her the proper encouragement to scream my name." Spike chuckled as he sat down and pulled Buffy on his lap.



Buffy was uncomfortable at first until he kept his promise and acted like a real gentleman and kept his hands appropriately placed. Soon it was time for the band to return to the stage and she was shocked when he kissed her gently on the lips.



"For good luck." He whispered before he turned and walked away.



"Oh, I never even thought that you and Spike, man." Willow sounded amazed.



Anya looked over giving Buffy a wink, "Oh, I think they match perfectly. He needs someone like Buffy to keep his ass in line."



Buffy wondered about that comment later that night when she tried to go to sleep. She knew he was cocky, arrogant, but not in a bad way, but more in a confident kind of way. She couldn't wait for Sunday; it had been many years since she'd visited the zoo. It was the last thing she and her father ever done together when she was eight years old.

*end of flashback*

*******



Eric held open the door as Giles and Harris dragged their unconscious band mate into the room. Occasionally Rayne would moan and whisper Buffy's name, making Eric smile to himself.



Eric let the door close as he followed them in the room and said, "Don 't make him too comfortable and I will take it from here."



"Really, I can stay with him." Angel offered knowing Cordy would be pissed if he did, as he and Xander placed Spike on the bed.



"No, I will keep a check on him, don't worry." Eric refused, thinking it would be for the best if Spike woke up without friends for family, "I think he needs to worry a bit if he has crossed the line."



Angel walked over to the desk and picked up the hotel pen. He then wrote down his cell number on the Hotel stationary and handed it to the older man saying, "Call me when he wakes up and let me know how he's doing."



"I promise to do what I can for him." Eric promised as he whispered, "He seems to be such a tortured soul."



"Had more then his share of bad things happen to him." Was all Angel said, as he looked down at his cousin lying in the bed unaware they were discussing him. "His childhood before he came to live with us was not a good one."



"We all have our devils and demons to fight." Eric sighed, pulling out his cell and dialing a familiar number. "Lilah, I need a big favor."



"Yes, is any one free for a couple weeks until this tour is over?" He asked.



"Not for me, but for a friend actually. He needs immediate help until we can get him checked in for some intense counseling."



"Great, have them come to the Hard Rock Hotel in Vegas on Monday."



"Yes, same code word as always."



"Thanks Lilah, I owe you for this." Eric said as he hung up his phone. "I will have someone on tour that possibly might be able to help our friend there with his problem. Then after the tour I will arrange for him to check himself in a clinic I know so he can clean up his act."



"I really don't know how to thank you." Angel replied as he reached his hand out to the older musician.



"It's really premature for thanks, he might refuse any help." Eric said as shook the grateful man's hand.



"I will kick his ass to Sunnyhell and back if he does." Xander replied firmly, feeling worried about this friend's condition.



"I need to go and figure out how I'm going to tell my parents, this is going to kill them." Angel sighed, knowing his parents loved Spike as if he was their own son.



"Don't tell them anything yet, let's see what he decides to do when he wakes up in the morning." Eric suggested as he walked over and gazed down at the very talented young man. "Both of you go on and get some rest, I think he won't wake up 'til morning, and I will have someone keep an eye on him."



Angel and Xander exchanged looks, feeling guilty of not staying with Spike. Eric realized they had never left him alone before and reassured them, "Waking up without friend or family, but alone, might work in our favor."



"Could be your right, Cordy always said I coddled him too much." Angel reluctantly agreed.



"Yeah, Anya said the same thing. She thinks we protect him too much." Xander sighed as he shook his head as he realized for the first time his girlfriend most likely had been right all along.



"Go home and get some rest, you won't find any answers tonight." Eric told them as he prayed the young man would realize someday how these people cared for him.



"Okay, call me if he needs me." Angel said as he hand Xander left the room leaving Spike alone to face the morning after alone, without them for the very first time.



*******

*Flashback*



Spike felt he was in the zone after doing the line of coke before coming out of the bathroom. It helped to get his creative artistic juices flowing that he needed to get when he played. It was something he felt he had control of, never believing he'd be like the other losers and let the drugs control him. It was something that Dru, his dark princess, had turned him on to during their time together.



He noticed Angel's concerned look before he hit the stage. Rayne knew his cousin would kill him if he knew he was back doing the powder again. Angel had become overprotective the moment he came to live with the Giles family ten years ago. Their mothers were sisters, one having married a wonderful man, where the other had married his bastard of a father.



He noticed Cordy roll her eyes while looking over at the table that was normally reserved for the band. He felt his zone leaving him when he noticed Dru approaching the table. He recognized Willow and Anya, but the other female didn't look familiar at all.



The moment he saw her face all thoughts of his dark princess flew out the window. The golden goddess that sat now facing off Dru was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. He watched every detail, as she seemed to be giving his ex the what for. Then she looked up at him and he was lost.



"She's the one." He whispered, before Tara came up and touched his arm with a worried look on her face.



"I'm okay, Glenda, just was worried what Dru was gonna do is all?" Spike lied as he played the opening riff to start the show after Peaches finished his little speech.



Spike continued to play, but his attention would occasionally drift over to the woman who caught his attention. He prayed she'd still be there when they finished this set. There was not way he could let her leave without getting her name and number. By the way she moved her head to the beat he could tell she like the music.



"Finally!" He thought when he finished the last song of the set.



"Wonder who the beauty is sitting with the girls?" Doyle asked as he walked behind Rayne off the stage.



"Don't know yet, but I will before I go to the bar." Spike told him with a cocky smile on his face.



"Maybe, but I bet she leaves with me." Doyle challenged.



"First off, mate, I'd never bet on a lady such as her." Spike winked as he hurried over to the table.



"Well, well Red, who do we have here?" Spike asked committing her features to memory.



"Oh, she's your talisman girlfriend to ward off evil Dru according to Anya. But I know her as Buffy." Willow told him with a straight face.



"I thought I saw gothic girl earlier." Xander chuckled as he leaned in to kiss his girl.



"Hey, Buffy." Oz winked as he too kissed his girl's cheek.



"So, I have to say we should let Willow and Anya pick your dates more often." Angel said giving his cousin an unusually wide smile, "I think I would vote that we keep her."



"Funny, ha, bloody, ha." Spike rolled his eyes deciding to keep his routine of going to the bar for everyone's drinks.



He should have known his caring loving friends would embarrass him in front of the one woman he'd want to impress. Then add Dru to the mix he would be amazed if Buffy would even walk on the same side of the street as him.



"Hey Spike, want the usual?" Bart asked as soon as Spike made it up to the bar.



"Thanks, mate, you're the best." Spike replied and was about to add a shot of JD for himself when he noticed a dark cloud approaching.



"There you are you bad rude boy." Dru purred, "You have been naughty and need to be punished."



"Dru, I told you before we're through, over. I think catching you and that slim Chaos Sanchez doing the rough and tumble in the bathroom was a sign from Hell we are over, done, finished. Dr. House MD couldn't revive our relationship." Spike's voice was hard and angry.



"He meant nothing, I just owed him money." Dru explained, "She will not understand you like I do. Your sunshine will run from your darkness, that's why you're mine."



"I don't need you and I don't belong to you." Spike snapped as he took the shot of JD and drank it down and chased it down with a swig of dark ale.



"But you are mine, mine." Dru hissed.



"Sorry, Miss Darkness no light, but the operative word is 'was yours'. The correct use of the sentence is he's mine now." Buffy sighed, startling Spike who almost choked on his ale.



"Leave us." Dru's voice was angry and sounded almost out of control.



"Not without my Spike." Buffy's voice was firm but polite with a sweet smile on her face.



Spike felt a thrill shoot through his body at her possessive voice and words, even if they weren't serious.



"Excuse me, Bart, can you be a dear and have Amy bring our order over to the band table. I like to spend as much time with my man as I can. I mean you can never be too possessive can you." His pretend girlfriend smiled sweetly at Bart when she explained what she wanted.



"I love it when you get all cave woman over me, Goldilocks. It makes me feel so manly and wanted." Spike purred as he leaned in to kiss her neck deciding it would be fun to play along.



"Well, just giving it back, baby." Buffy laughed, causing his heart to skip a beat.



"I got something I want to give you alright." Spike chuckled as he waggled his eyebrows loving how she blushed.



"You sir, are a scoundrel and a pervert." Buffy laughed, making him ask God or whoever was listening if this could be real.



"This is your last chance Spike, I will leave and never come back, do you hear me?" Dru stomped trying to get his attention back on her.



He decided he'd follow Buffy's lead, it's seemed she was much better at these things then him. Temper was a downfall for him, and had caused him more trouble in the past. The last thing he needed was doing or saying something that would cause this woman to turn away from him.



"Did you hear something, baby?" Buffy asked as she took Spike's hand and led him back to their table making him feel like pulling her back to kiss her.



Spike leaned over to whisper before he could stop himself, "Can you really be my girlfriend for real?"



He felt Buffy stop suddenly and he moved up against her, wrapping his left arm around her waist as he leaned down to ask. "Go out with me Sunday?"



"I not sure I want to get involved with you, something about you scares me." Buffy answered.



"I promise not to bite and will keep my hands in full view at all times and I won't kiss you unless you let me." Spike promised wanting to assure her the last thing he wanted was to hurt her.



"Where are we going?"



"Let's go to the zoo." He said the first place he thought would be a safe date place.



Buffy smiled as she agreed, "The zoo it is. What time?"



"What time is good for you?"



"Are you playing Saturday night?"



"Yeah."



"Then how about noon?"



"Sounds perfect, can you pack us a lunch, and I'll get the drinks."



"It's a date."



"I think I agree with Angel."



He noticed the confused look on her lovely face and clarified, "I think we will keep you."



Buffy's laugh made him smile as he then tuned the tables and led her back to the table. He noticed the scowl on Doyle's face, and realized he must have been interested in her as well.



"So nice bar show, more interesting than the floor show. I was waiting for the dramatic kiss and you to take her to the back and make her scream." Anya said being her normal blunt self.



"I had thought of it, but just not enough time left to give her the proper encouragement to scream my name." Spike chuckled as he sat down and pulled Buffy on his lap not ready to let her get too far away.



He could feel how tense she was and kept his promise and acted like a real gentleman. Kept his hands in view at all times and didn't rub her thigh like he itched to do. Soon it was time for the band to return to the stage and without thinking he leaned over and gently kissed her lips.



"For good luck." He whispered before he turned and walked away thinking that Sunday was not going to arrive soon enough for him.



Later that night as he stared at the ceiling he wondered what a women like Buffy could ever see in a loser such as him. His father had dropped him off at the airport after his mother's funeral and reminded him what a waste he was and because of him his mother was dead. That was ten years ago and he'd been the tender age of fourteen, and defined the word geek.

*end of flashback*

TBC

enjoy...there will be Spuffy goodness soon....but then.....

Kimber

A/N: Spuffy goodness to keep you warm on Valentine's Day.


An irritating buzzing accompanied with pounding on the door woke her from a sound sleep. Voices calling her name, sounding worried and anxious brought Buffy out of her sleepy haze and back into her painful existence.

"Buffy, honey if you're in there please open the door, or just tell me to go to you know where." Willow yelled, sounding frantic.

"It's Hell, Wills." Faith snorted as she added her own voice, "Hey, 'B', get your fucking ass over here and open the goddamn door before I call the fire department to do the honors."

"Go to Hell, I don't want to talk about it." Buffy spoke loud enough for her friends to hear her as she walked closer toward the door.

"Tough shit, now open the damn door." Faith replied with that determined tone that told Buffy her co-workers and friends would not leave until she opened the door.

"Fine, take a look, see I'm alive and in need of being left alone time." Buffy laid down the rules before unlocking the door.

"Depends on what we see." Faith replied, knowing full well, she would not be leaving anytime soon.

"You're a bitch, Faith." Buffy mumbled as she unlocked the door and walked away without opening it.

Faith opened the door and entered as she was saying, "That's why you love me."

Willow walked in behind Faith and immediately moved over to stand in front of Buffy pointing to her face as she spoke, "This face, see this face, it's what Oz calls my serious face."

Buffy felt the tears building and as soon as she looked into her best friend's eyes the dam broke. She flung herself into Willow's arms and sobbed, all her hurt, anger, and pain being put on display.

"I'm going to kill the fucker." Faith hissed, as she moved to hug both her friends.

Faith and her husband Robin owned and operated the Grind. It was a nice restaurant, bar, with a dance club underneath. Willow worked the kitchen, while Buffy was the main bartender. Faith and Willow had taken Buffy under their wings when the petite blonde came to town almost 2 years ago.

Willow shook her head and said, "No, I'm going to kill him first."

"You can't, remember you're a mommy now, so no killings for you." Faith reminded her. "Seth does not need a axe murdering mother on death row."

"Neither does Robin need a wife in prison either." Willow snickered.

Faith smiled evilly as she shared her plan, "Then I guess we all kill him and be each other's alibi."

"Death is too good for him." Buffy whimpered. "This is the worst I have ever seen him, he's never talked to me the way he did."

"Buffy, it was the drugs talking, it makes you temporarily lose your soul." Willow explained her thoughts of what drugs and alcohol did to a person who abused it.

"Do you love him?" Faith asked.

Buffy felt the tears again threatening to fall as she answered. "God, yes. I love him so much it hurts to know I can't help him. I can't cure him. It's my mother all over again, and I can't live like that, not with him, I just can't sit back and watch him kill himself."

"I hear you, Buffy, and you know I will support you no matter what you decide to do." Willow reassured her.

"I will to a point, I like Spike, but I won't set back and let him keep hurting you like this." Faith decided she'd tell Buffy up front.

"I don't know what I'd do without you guys." Buffy sniffled as she let them lead her to the couch so she could tell them everything that happened last night.

*******

The first thing Spike noticed was the raging headache and sick feeling in his gut as he awakened. His mouth was so dry, and figured he must have tied one on last night. He knew he had hell to pay and that Buffy was going to royally kick his ass.

"Somebody call off the jackhammer convention playing in my head." Spike moaned as he reached out for his girl. "Buffy, baby."

"I don't think she can hear you." A strange, but familiar voice beckoned him to open his eyes.

"Where the bloody hell am I?" Spike asked as he sat up, only to immediately fall back down when the serious attack of the dizzies hit him. "Scratch that, what in Sam blazes happened to me?"

"Too much drink and too much blow." The voice replied nonchalantly.

"God, I don't remember much, where's Buffy?" He whispered, finding even talking in a normal voice made his head hurt worse.

"Here, take these and sip on the tea." The voice instructed him.

Spike squinted his eyes open and found the owner of the voice to be Mr. Stewart himself, who was handing him two white pills and a cup of what smelled of sweet tea. "What's this you're giving me?"

Eric laughed softly and said, "Now you ask, didn't much care what you were feeding your nose last night."

Spike felt himself becoming angry when he asked, "Just tell me where my girl is."

Eric took a deep breath to calm himself, keeping the smart comment that so wanted to pass his lips from being said. "You didn't act very gentlemanly toward her last night, and if not for the interference of your friends you would have had a nasty little surprise this morning."

Spike felt confused, the last thing he remembered was kissing Buffy before going to bar to get another beer. The pain in his head worsened as he tried to think of what he could have done to his girl.

"I don't understand?" Spike's voice was shaky and unsure as little things started to come back to him.

"You drank too much and found some coke and blew it. Buffy tried to get you to go home and you yelled at her and insulted her to the point she left in tears. Then you proceeded to do more drugs and put on a nice show for us with Harmony. I would recommend next time getting a room." Eric said evenly, and watched, as Spike's face grew pale as some of the memories came back to him.

"Oh God! I lost her for good now, she won't take me back." Spike moaned as he lay back down on the bed and let the tears flow. "I fucked up everything, all because of that bastard."

"That bastard?" Eric asked, curious who could have sent this young man so over the edge.

"My bastard of a father cornered me yesterday, had to remind me of a few unpleasant things." Spike whispered, "I proved he was right, I'm nothing but a loser, nothing."

Eric walked over and sat beside the young man noticing the anguish on his face. He could not believe that a parent could cause their child so much pain.

"Did you tell Buffy?" Eric asked, wondering if she'd understand the significance of the man's visit.

"No, she'd never understand." Spike reluctantly answered wanting to change the subject, not wanting to talk about Ethan Rayne.

"Did you tell Angel?"

"No, can't tell Peaches, don't need him getting in trouble going after me Da." Spike opened his eyes with an anxious look on his face, "Please don't tell Angel, he'd go and try and make things better and only get hurt."

"For now I won't tell him." Eric promised, but decided he'd find out what he could about Spike's father. "Now we need to talk about your problem."

"I don't have a problem, just over indulged is all." Spike defended himself.

Eric chuckled kindly as he gave the young man a knowing look, "Care to tell me again you have this under control."

"I do"

"You don't, it has got you by the balls, boy, and until you realize that and fight back it will take you to Hell." Eric leaned closer with determined look on his face. "I'm willing to help you before that happens, before you lose everything and never get your girl back."

Spike was ready to argue when a flash of Buffy's face contorted in pain made him stop. He couldn't remember what he said but whatever it was had broken her heart, thus now breaking his.

"Spike, I asked you a question last night that I want to ask you again, now that you're more or less sober. If you had to choose between love or money, which would you chose?"

Spike closed his eyes and tried to remember how he answered last night, but it wouldn't come to him. He knew how he wanted to answer the question, but was afraid of wishing for a miracle.

"Don't be afraid, search your heart for the answer." Eric encouraged him.

"Love, I would choose love." Spike whispered as Buffy's came to mind.

"Then get the help you need to get better, become clean and drug free. Do it for you, for her, for the both of you. I can help you if you let me. I have been where you are with the drugs, and it cost me more then you will ever know." Eric told him, hoping the young man would accept his help.

"How can you help me?" Spike asked as he looked up at the kind brown eyes that held no judgment.

"I made a call and someone will be meeting us in Vegas. This someone will be your constant companion and will help you fight the dragon. Once the tour is over there's a place I know that will help you work at staying sober." Eric said as he reached out and placed his hand on Spike's shoulder. "This place has helped me and a few other people I know, it can help you if you are ready to accept that you have a problem. Acceptance is the first step, the second is doing something to fix it."

"I'm afraid others will think I'm weak." Spike couldn't believe he was telling this man his deepest fear.

"We are weak before we are stronger. One day at a time, one step at a time is how we get our strength back." Eric offered his best advice. "How about I order us up some strong black coffee, while you go take a shower?"

"Sounds like a plan, but I need to make a call first." Spike answered, needing to hear his girl's voice.

"I will give you some privacy then and come back in say 30 minutes." Eric offered.

"Great, and thanks for doing this, I know it's hard to find a replacement act on such short notice and all." Spike said in the way thinking that was why he was doing this.

"It's not because of the tour, but the talent I see in you that I don't want to see wasted. I have seen to much waste in my lifetime. You. Mr. Rayne, have a raw talent I have not seen in a while, and you are worth saving no matter what you father may have told you, he was wrong." Eric explained himself before leaving the room.

Spike sat there in awe at the man's words. The guitar legend had seen something in him, something worth saving. He stood and walked over toward the phone, picked up the receiver and dialed a number that could prove that Mr. Stewart was wrong.

"Hello."

"Buffy?" Spike whispered, fighting the tears, "Baby, I'm so sorry and before you say anything I'm gonna get help this time, baby, professional help. I have a problem and I can't do it alone."

"Spike, I love you." Buffy said between sobs, "I want to help you, but I don't know if I can."

"I know baby, but promise to wait for me." Spike begged, "Let me have a chance to win you back, to show you what a good man I can be. I want to do this for me, for you, but most importantly for us, baby."

Buffy felt her heart lighten, thinking she might not have lost him like she had her mother. Maybe there was a chance he'd still chose her after all. "I promise to wait for you, Spike, but you will have to do some serious wooing, buddy, let me tell you."

"Baby I will woo you to the end of the world if I have too, it's you and me all the way." Spike said before he decided to tell her about his visitor yesterday. "He came to see me yesterday."

"Who came to see you?" Buffy asked, feeling a sudden fear come over her.

"Ethan."

"What did that bastard have to say?" Buffy hissed, "Baby you are so much better then him, don't let him drag you down."

"It hurt, what he said it hurt so bad and I don’t know why it does every time." Spike sighed, wishing she was there holding him.

"Where are you?" Buffy asked, "I'm coming to see you."

Spike looked over at the hotel stationary, "I'm at the Plaza, baby, room 1145."

"I'm on my way, code word, Slayer as always."

"Yeah, I'll call the front desk." Spike told her, feeling like he was being given a new lease on life. "I can't wait to see ya, Goldilocks."

"You do that and I'll bring you some clean clothes."

"Okay, then we will talk and then you can take me home and help me pack." Spike felt warmth in his heart that eased some of the pain his father's words had caused.

"Can I pack myself in your case?" She giggled, feeling hope again she'd have her man back.

"No, but I have something I'd like to pack inside you." Spike purred the innuendo and felt the effect in is groin.

Buffy snickered as she told him, "You are a bad, rude, crude, man that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I'm saying that so you keep that in your hat of incentives on getting help."

"I need you, always." Spike whispered, now more then ever.

"I'm on my way." Buffy replied, having gathered what she needed while she talked to him on the cordless phone with Faith and Willow helping her.

"I'm going to hang up now."

"I'm walking out the door as soon as you do." She said.

"See you soon."

"See you soon."

Buffy handed the phone to Faith and took the bag containing Spike's clothes from Willow and was about to walk out the door.

"So what did he say that won you over?" Faith asked, being curious what bleach boy could have promised Buffy.

"He is getting professional help, and he wants to do it for himself and for us. It's the first time he has come out and said it’s a problem and needs help. There is no way I will not support him in this." Buffy's tone alerted her friends it was a subject she'd not discuss right now. "I need to go, we still have to come back here and get him packed."

"I know where the cases are and will get them out." Willow offered.

"I will get a couple loads of darks done for you." Faith volunteered.

"I will call Oz to come and pick me up." Willow said as she shooed Buffy out the door, "Now off with you, we will do what we can here."

"Thanks, guys this does mean a lot to me." Buffy smiled as she thanked them before leaving and going to be with Spike.

*******

Spike sat in the hotel robe and drank the coffee, feeling better since getting a shower. The steam helped him to relax thus making the pain in his head lessen. Once he had mentioned that Buffy was coming, Eric had made all the arrangements making it possible for her to get up to the room without any complications.

"You are one lucky man to have her." Eric smiled, "Just like I'm a lucky man to have found another chance at starting a family."

"Yeah, she's a wonderful woman." Spike sighed, as he took another sip of coffee.

"Have you been eyeing my wife?" Eric laughed at how Spike almost choked on his coffee.

Spike sputtered trying to get his breathe back to deny the other man's accusation when he noticed the twinkle in the Eric's eye and sarcastically asked, "Are you trying to kill me, or you just like to see me spit out my coffee?"

"I like to see you spit out your coffee, it's so manly." Eric chuckled.

Spike couldn't believe he was sitting here in a bathrobe, talking to his idol as if this was an everyday accordance. "So happy I'm a source of entertainment for you."

"I talked to your cousin and he wants you to call him." Eric told him as he got up to leave. "I think I will give you some time to do that, he's very worried about you."

"He's always been worried about me, I guess I do that, make people worry about me." Spike's voice was shaky and insecure.

"It means they care about you."

"I care about them too even if I don't show it."

"You show it, but now where they can see it unless they are looking really hard." Angel said from the doorway. "Sorry, but I sort of slipped the extra key in my pocket."

"Sneaky bastard." Spike muttered as he stood and faced his cousin, watching as Eric gave him a reassuring smile before he left the room.

Angel walked slowly toward the bleached blonde pain in his ass, but wouldn't trade him for the world. "Hey."

"Hey, Peaches." Spike waited to see how Angel would act toward him.

Angel stopped when there were mere inches between them and said, "You scared the hell out of me, and pissed me off to the point I wanted to do you bodily harm."

"I'm sorry, you just don't know how sorry I am. You and Buffy are the last people I want to hurt." Spike whispered, as he looked up at the man he loved like a brother. "I do care about you, love you actually, but if you ever repeat that I'll tell everyone you wear lifts in your shoes."

Angel out right laughed as he pulled the smaller man in to a tight bear hug as reassure him, "I love you too, little brother."

Spike tried not to get emotional as he fought the tears. But when Angel called him brother he lost what control he had and started to cry. He knew he should tell him about Ethan's visit, but didn't want to ruin the moment by making his cousin angry. He was sure Angel would call his father, Rupert Giles, and they would go on a hunt for Ethan Rayne.

"What happened that made you get so fucking high." Angel asked as he backed away slightly, keeping his hands on Spike's shoulders. "What made you say those things to Buffy and then want a ho like that Harmony?"

Spike took a deep breath and was about to explain when it was interrupted by a knock at the door. All he could think of was being saved by what he hoped was Buffy's arrival.

"Don't get that." Angel said.

"It could be Buffy." Spike replied feeling relaxed at the huge smile on Angel's face.

"Then what the hell are you waiting for," Angel grinned, "I will go home and finish packing and call me when you get home."

"I'll do that mate." Spike promised as he moved to open the door.

"Don't forget to call the folks." Angel reminded him.

"Do they know about last night?" Spike asked, feeling a sudden sense of anxiety.

"No, and I won't tell them if you don't want me to." Angel reassured him, knowing Spike was overly worried about disappointing them.

"Thanks," Spike said right before he opened the door and got an arm full of Buffy.

"I think that's my clue to leave." Angel snickered as he watched Buffy drop her bag and jump into Spike' arms.

Spike drank in her scent, like a drowning man in water. The feel of her in his arms was like coming home from the war. A war he had yet to fight in full force yet. This morning was just a skirmish compared to the tougher battles that were yet to come. But with the love and understanding of this woman he was confident he'd win at the end.

Angel stopped beside them on the way out and leaned in to kiss Buffy's cheek, and then did the same on Spike's head and said before he left. "I love you both."

Spike heard the door shut as he continued to hold her close. They just stood for a few minutes and held each other tight. He prayed to who ever were in charge of destinies, to bring him back to this woman whole and deserving of her love.

"I dreamt about the night we first met." Buffy leaned back so she could see his face.

"I think I did too, not sure." Spike replied as he leaned in to kiss her lips softly.

The kiss took on a life of its own as Buffy untied the belt and opened his robe. She teased his tongue to follow hers back in to her mouth. Her hand drifted down and gently grasped his hard, leaking, member and started to stroke it in time with suckling his tongue.

Spike slipped his hand up under her skirt cupping silk cover mound, feeling her wetness through the thin panties. He felt his cock harden more as she moved against his hand, trying to get hi to massage faster. He couldn't wait any longer and ripped the little bit of nothing from her body and encouraged her to wrap her legs around his waist.

"Need you so bad, baby." Spike groaned as he felt her hand help position him at her entrance.

"You have me." Buffy gasped as he plunged deep inside her core mixing some pain with her pleasure.

Spike never heard her as he pulled out and thrust fully inside her again, getting lost as he found his zone. It had never felt so good as he pushed her up against the door and fucked her rougher then she was used to.

Buffy whimpered, when he pushed her up against the door and screwed her hard and fast with no thought if she was enjoying this or not. It scared her, for he had never been rough without making sure she was getting off on it as well. His lovemaking in the past had always been generous and sharing, not so centered on his own needs before.

"Yeah, baby, so good." Spike moaned in her ear as he continued pounding her against the door.

Buffy felt his body tense as he ejaculated inside her, making her feel left out in the cold. She made an attempt to lower her legs only to have him stop her and say, "Sorry, Luv, I got too carried away."

"Why?"

"I never thought I would have you again, baby, I told you I could get lost in you." Spike said and he grinded against her. "I'm not done until I make my girl feel how much I love her."

"Spike." She moaned as she felt him start to harden again inside her. "Make love to me, please."

"Baby, it's always love." He groaned as he pulled then away from the door and moved them over toward the bed.

"Oh, feels so good." Buffy said as she started to feel aroused as he moved inside her, hitting her special area that made her want more.

Spike growled as he laid her on the bed and slipped out of her warmth, only to drop to his knees and lavish attention to her clit with his tongue. Her moans and begging him for more drove him on like a newly made man, as he trust his tongue up inside her warm body. Bringing his thumb over to now rub her engorged nub, he made love to her until she screamed his name.

"No one makes me feel like you do, I could make love to you until the end of the world." Spike told her as he moved to lay on the bed and arranged them so she straddled his waist.

"More?" She asked as she felt him lift her up and place her over the tip of his cock, easing her down so she took him inside her velvety warmth slowly and erotically.

"Never enough." Spike whispered in awe as he watched himself disappear slowly up inside her sweet little quim. "Always fits me like a glove, you do."

"You were made for me." She groaned as she took him in, always loving when she got to play on top.

Spike's hands drifted up to cup her breasts, her nipples hard and sensitive to his touch, as he praised them, "Perfect baby, just the right jiggle with the wiggle."

Buffy laughed as she placed her hands on his chest to show how much wiggle and jiggle she could give him. She leaned forward just a bit so she could rub herself against him on her descent. She was close when he turned her over and was on top, pulling her back from the edge.

"Want to last longer." He panted, as he leaned his forehead against hers as he continued to lazily thrust in and out giving a little extra grind on the in motion.

He was making it up to her in spades for earlier at the door. The goal he had in mind was to make her cum before him, to make her see just how much he loved her. Sweat poured off him, as he fought to again lose himself and fuck her to the mattress.

"Cum for me, baby." He moaned as he alternated from kissing her lips and rubbing his nose against hers. "This is for you baby, for us."

Buffy found it hard to breath, let alone speak, feeling as if time was standing still. Her nails dug into his shoulders, as she bucked against him. She came so hard arching up and tightening her legs around him, causing her vaginal walls to squeeze him into his release.

Neither wanted the other to move, both comfortable with Spike lying on top of her with his forehead against hers. He leaned slightly on his elbow and forearms taking some of his weight off of her. Sharing soft kisses as their breathing returned to normal and all seemed all right in their little world.

"I don't think I can go." Spike said in between kissing and breathing. "I can't spend 24 hours away from you, how can I handle 3 months?"

"I feel the same way, but we know I can't quit my job." She said refusing for him to pay off her bills and support her.

"I know, baby." Spike said, feeling frustrated she kept refusing his help.

"I don't want you thinking I'm interested in your money." Buffy explained.

"What happens when we get married?" Spike asked, some of his frustration coming out in his tone.

Buffy brought her hands up cupping his face and said, "When you marry me then it's a whole different story, because then comes babies and I don't want to be a working mom or wife. I think you need to try this on your own, I'm there if you need me. You can't make me the crutch, baby. I want to be your lover, your friend, your wife, the mother of your children."

Spike realized what she was saying was true, that he had to stand on his own two feet to fight this. He could also understand her not giving up her independence of supporting her self until he proved he was the long haul guy in her life.

"I'm glad I have a smart woman that loves me." Spike smiled as he kissed her before he slipped out of her warmth and rolled over taking her with him to cuddle.

"I will only be a phone call away." Buffy said as she traced her finger around his chest. "One call and I'm on the next plane to where you are."

"I'll hold you to that." Spike sighed, "But I guess the faster we get home, get me packed the longer we have to do this."

"Do what?" Buffy teased.

"Make love, cuddle, talk, love and cuddle some more." Spike said as he pulled her closer to his side. "I know I still have a lot of wooing to go, Pet, and believe me this is just the beginning."

"Then what the hell are we still doing here?" Buffy giggled as she pushed him to get out of bed, "Quick, me wants more and want it soon, woo boy."

They dressed quickly and Spike left Eric a short note thanking him for everything. Also that he was looking forward to touring with him and would accept any advice in order to get clean and better himself.

Disclaimer: Same as the first chapter

A/N: Begings the spiral of Spike's decent in to losing control of his life. Thus beginning Fred's fall from grace.

Spike sat at the back of the plane, feeling like a ball of nerves. Everyone avoided him like the plague, except for Angel. Doyle glared at him with a look of disgust; even Tara wouldn't look him in the eyes.

The confident man left once he said goodbye to Buffy at the airport. He couldn't help but feel he was going to fail and as a result all he wanted was to ask someone to get him something in the alcohol nature to drink.

Eric walked back to check on the pale young man, recognizing the symptoms for what they were. The man needed a drink it was written all over his face while he watched a few of the others drink from their bottles of beer.

"We will be landing soon, and a Fred Burkle will be waiting for you at the hotel. I'm sure he will have something to help you with the withdrawal." Eric reassured him as he sat down next to him. "I see by the looks of things you have your girl back."

Spike smiled seemed a bit shaky as he replied, "Yeah, she's going to let me woo her back."

Eric chuckled as he said, "From the looks of things not much wooing will be needed."

"Yeah, what can I say, she loves me." Spike's smile grew steady as he thought about his Goldilocks.

"Did she want to come?" Eric asked

"No, she thinks this is something I should try without her at first." Spike explained wondering what the other man would think.

"She's pretty and smart too." Eric winked, "She wants you to start this on your own so you don't come to depend on her all the time."

Spike gave him a nervous looked as he said, "But what if I can't do it alone?"

Eric gave him an encouraging smile, "You are not alone, I'm sure she is just one phone call away."

Spike laughed, "Yeah, she said she would come if I called her."

The plane's PA dinged as the captain announced, "We are preparing to land in sunny Las Vegas. Please everyone buckle up and remain seated until the ride comes to a complete stop."

"I hate landing." Spike muttered.

"I know what you mean." Eric agreed as he belted himself in.

*******

"So, he's getting professional help this time?" Robin said with a look of contemplation on his face. "Man that's going to be hard with being on the road, and all the temptation being shoved under his nose."

"No pun intended right," Buffy, replied sarcastically to the 'shoved under the nose' comment.

Robin at first looked confused before he said, "Honestly, innocent play on words, no pun intended. I guess you don't know just how many ways your words could mean something else."

Buffy relaxed seeing that Robin really had not meant it as a bad thing. She continued to stock the bar and get ready for the lunch crowd that would be coming through the door at any minute.

"Hey, Buffy."

"Hi, Riley, how's studying coming along?" She asked, the young man who'd just finished his medical residency at UCLA and was studying for his boards.

"Long and difficult in a torturous kind of way, you could say." He sighed as he gave her a shy smile.

"Just think you will be a real doctor in the Army in 3 months traveling the world and saving lives." Buffy reminded him as she patted his hand, "So what will it be, the corn beef on rye, or the corn beef on rye?"

Riley chuckled as he looked at the blonde beauty before him, "I'll have the tuna melt instead. I think I'm ready to live life more on the edge these days."

Buffy rolled her eyes as she giggled, "Yeah, big chance there with the tuna, it could really be bad for you."

"So how is life treating you Summers?" He asked, watching as Robin walked back to the kitchen with his order.

"Oh, same ole, same ole." She said nonchalantly as she reached into a cooler to grab him his soda. "Are you on call, or is this your day off."

"I have clinic today at three, and then I'm the night green senior tonight and covering admissions from the ED."

"How do you do it, all these weird hours?" Buffy asked as she put his can of pop and a glass of ice in front of him.

Riley's smile was contagious as he replied, "It's hard, but it will be worth it when I have M.D. behind my name and I can make a difference."

"I'm glad there are people like you in the world that really does care about people like me." Buffy giggled.

"Here you go, one tuna melt with a side of fries and cold slaw." Willow chirped as she put the plate in front of the frequent customer.

Willow was sure that the tall blonde hunk came in to see Buffy. She was also aware that her friend and co-worker didn't have a clue about it. So many times, she wished she had introduced Buffy to Riley first; he was just what her friend needed. A nice clean-cut, focused, stable, man anyone would be proud to call a husband. Not, an insecure, troubled, unstable, unfocused, man that was draining her friend's spirit more and more.

"So where is Spike now?" Riley asked, wishing it would be his name instead of that asshole's putting that glow on her face.

"He should be landing in Vegas as we speak." Buffy sighed, remembering how they had made love all night, and him promising to come back to her a better man.

Willow noticed the way just hearing Spike's name made Buffy get all dreamy. It made her realize that even if Riley had came first in her life; Spike would have still been the one that stole her heart. It made her sad to think it would break Buffy's heart if Spike failed her again.

*******

By the time they got to the hotel Spike's body was aching all over and felt unable to relax. He started to worry he would not be able to find his zone and play his best tonight. The urge to walk over to the bar and order a beer and a shot was becoming stronger as they approached the check in counter.

"Spike, are you okay?" Angel asked, seeing how his cousin's eyes kept darting over toward the hotel bar.

"I'm not sure I can do this now." Spike's voice trembled as he answered truthfully. "I'm feeling like I'm losing it."

"Let's get checked in and find out if the doc is here." Angel tried to keep him focused, "I'm right here and not going to leave you."

Spike looked over and tried to smile, "I'm feeling all edgy and nervous. What if I can't play tonight?"

"Let's take one step at a time." Angel reassured him. "Together we can do this."

"I wish Buffy was here."

"I do too." Angel thought to himself, wishing she had come with them so Spike would not have to face this alone without her support.

"But it's for the best, I need to prove to her I mean what I said, earn her trust again before she jumps back in with both feet." Spike explained, knowing Angel wouldn't understand why Buffy refused to come with him.

"I understand." Angel agreed, seeing for the first time that maybe his cousin was going to find his inner strength to fight this and win.

"I'm scared I'm going to fail." Spike whispered, not wanting the others to overhear him.

"I would think that's normal." Angel said with a shrug, "It tells me that you want to succeed."

"Or I can see my future." Spike muttered, wondering what was taking so long for Anya to get them checked in.

"I believe in you." Angel firmly told his cousin, "I'm scared too, if you want to know. I'm scared that I won't be there for you when you need me. I'm scared that Cordy will find someone better then me and will leave me someday. I'm scared that one day I'm going to lose everything I've worked for. I find that what scares me makes me work harder to make it not so."

"God I need a shower, or something. I need to get away from here, it's like I can smell it calling to me." Spike sighed.

"Then let's get out of here." Angel smiled as he motioned for Cordy to call him with any updates, as he took Spike by the arm and led him out of the hotel. "Let's go check out the park across the street, Cordy will call us when we can check in."

*******

Eric answered the knock on his door, surprised to see the young woman standing before him. She was slender about 5'6" with long brown hair pulled up in a stylish bun, dressed in a pin stripped skirt suit. Her brown eyes were slightly hidden behind her dark brown-rimmed glasses.

"Mr. Stewart I presume." Her southern drawl told him she was American.

"Yes, and you are?" He smiled politely and hoped she was not who he thought she was.

"Hi, I'm Fred Burkle, Lilah Morgan sent me." She introduced herself as she reached out her hand.

"I don't mean to be rude, Miss Burkle, but I was expecting someone of the male gender." Eric said, trying to keep the uneasiness out of his voice.

"I know. I get that a lot." Fred answered with a soft understanding smile on her face as she reassured him, "But I'm very good at what I do."

"I'm sure you are, but I'm thinking my friend will benefit more with a male companion." Eric tried to delicately to explain he was not comfortable with her being here.

"I'm sure Miss Morgan can find a replacement in a few days. But can your friend handle being without some professional guidance until then." Fred politely said, feeling a bit angry that her ability to do her job was being questioned because she was a woman.

"Can you give me your room number, and I will call you when I can arrange for you two to meet." Eric compromised, so he could put a call into Lilah himself.

"Room 516, and I will wait for your call."

"Thank you, and as soon as he gets settled I will call you."

"Until then." She said as she turned to return to her room, prepared to accept that she was going to be replaced in a couple days.

Eric closed the door and pulled out his cell phone and dialed Lilah's office number. He was going do something he should have done that night and request Wesley Wyndam-Pryce to be sent to replace the young woman.

"Lilah Morgan."

"Lilah, sorry to trouble you." Eric greeted her.

"Eric, dear, no trouble. Did Fred make it?"

"You could have warned me that Fred was a woman." Eric said, with a slight reprimanding tone in his voice.

"But she is good at her job."

"That I have no doubt, or you wouldn't have sent her." He replied, "But I'm not so sure a female treating a male who's significant other is not present while on such an intimate tour would be in his best interests."

"Oh, so you are worried about sex." She sighed.

"No, well, I mean yes." Erie came right out and said, "I figured you would have sent Wes, since this is more his expertise."

"He's on family leave right now, his father is very sick." She explained, "or he would've been the one I sent."

"I just have a bad feeling about this." Eric sighed.

"Give her a chance, if you at all think things are not working out or you sense things are getting, how do you say, out of hand, then call me." Lilah suggested.

"So there's no one available right now is what you are saying."

"Yes, that's what I'm saying."

"I just hope neither of us comes to regret this." Eric warned her, deciding he'd keep a close eye on the two.

"I'm confident we won't." Lilah reassured him, "call me if a problem arises."

"Oh, believe me I will," Eric, promised before telling her good bye.

He picked up the hotel phone and dialed Angel's room, leaving a message for the young man to call him when he got in.

*******

Spike stood next to Angel in front of Mr. Stewart's door, praying this person he was about to meet had something for how he was feeling right now. The walk in the park had helped briefly, but the anxiety was back, and worse then before.

"God, Liam, I'm feeling like I'm about to crawl out of me skin." Spike's voice sounded shaky.

"I'm here with for you, William." Angel reassured him.

"Don't call me William."

"Don't call me Liam."

"What were they thinking?" Spike asked as he heard Angel knock on the door.

"Oh, that what fun it would be to have both of us named William in some form or fashion. We could ask my mom when we talk to her again." Angel chuckled.

Spike's rebuttal was interrupted when the door opened and they were invited in. The first thing he noticed was the pretty little bird in a suit and glasses looking at them in a clinical kind of fashion. He looked around to see if anyone else was about, hoping this little bit of woman was not the one who is supposed to help him with his problem.

Fred felt her heart skip a beat when she noticed Spike Rayne enter the room. The symptoms were easy to recognize just by looking at him, as she realized Spike was the friend that needed help. She'd become an instant fan of his from the first time she saw his face on the back of the 'Soul Catcher' CD. A many lonely nights since then she had dreamed about him being hers.

Keeping control, not letting anyone see how much he affected her was the goal. This was a dream come true and there was no way anyone was going to send her away. A plan formulated in her mind on how she was going to make it happen. The first object was to make it so he didn't want anyone else to help him, but her.

"Miss Burkle, allow me to introduce you to Angel Giles and his cousin Spike Rayne." Eric watched her very closely and was pleased to see she didn't appear to recognize either of them or seem affected in an unprofessional manner.

"Please call me Fred." She smiled appropriately, as she first shook hands with Angel and made sure to give Spike equal attention.

"Then call me Angel." He said, wondering how this was going to work, feeling very uneasy about this set up.

"That makes me Spike." He joked, keeping his sweaty shaking hands buried deep in his pockets as he rocked back and forth on his feet.

She worked very hard to appraise his manner in a professional manner and say, "I take it, you are my client, Mr. Rayne."

Spike shot a nervous look over at Eric for reassurance that she was who was to help him with his addictions. If his mentor vouched for her then he was okay with it. He trusted the man's opinion.

"She comes highly recommended." Eric reassured him and also offered, "But if any point you feel uncomfortable then let me know."

Fred felt a flush of anger and was proud of herself for not letting it slip past her professional facade. There was no way anyone was going to take this opportunity away from her. He would be hers, and no one was going to stand in her way, not even Spike himself.

"Then is there anything you can do for me before the concert tonight?" Spike asked, hoping this was going to work out for the best.

"Yes, I have some things we can try, but first I need to do a little mini physical and draw some blood. I will take it to a lab that is going to process it for me and let me know the results. So if you care to have a seat we can get started." Fred explained in a brisk, calm, and professional manner that put two of the men at ease.

Spike heard mini physical and asked with a tremor in his voice. "I don't have to undress or such do I?"

"No." She said with no hesitation or a hint of the disappointment she felt.

"Good! Sorry, no bird is going to see me naked but Buffy." Spike voiced out loud, unaware he had.

Fred prided herself on not reacting to his mentioning another woman, or asking whom the woman was and how she fit into Spike's life. She was sure she would be able to find out what she needed to know during their sessions, making it look like she was only interested for clinical purposes only.

"Spike, why don't you have a seat over here and let me examine you? Then I can get a detailed medical history so I know in which direction we need to go for your treatment. Once we have that established I will obtain the specimens I need and then run them to the lab." Fred listed the things they needed to do to get things started.

Spike reluctantly walked over toward her, and felt at ease when Angel followed close behind. His relief was short lived when the doctor gave Angel a patient look and say, "I'm sorry, but you will have to step out during this time, patient confidentiality is a big issue for me."

"He can stay." Spike rushed to keep his cousin close at hand. "I want him to stay."

"Fine, I will keep the questions to medical and not personal until we have established some rules." Fred replied, cursing the fact the man had family she was going to have to deal with as well.

"On that note, I will go and see how things are progressing at the arena." Eric said, deciding it was best he gave them some privacy, "Ring me if you need anything."

"We will." Angel acknowledged while he kept his eyes on what was going on between Spike and this doctor.

Spike watched as she put a blood pressure cuff around his arm and pumped it up. He closed his eyes to avoid looking at the peek of cleavage her bending over gave. After the cuff deflated and she wrote down some numbers she placed the stethoscope on his chest and looked at the watch for a few minutes and then wrote down some more numbers.

"Your blood pressure is borderline high, and your heart rate is faster then it should be as well. Tell me how you've been feeling." Fred told him as she pulled out some official looking documents.

Spike looked at Angel who gave him a reassuring smile before he replied, "I'm constantly thirsty, hands sweaty, heart racing, feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin."

"All signs that you're starting to go through withdrawals." She explained matter of fact like, keeping her emotions out of sight. "After I get more of your medical background I can give you something to help ease those symptoms."

"What can you give him?" Angel asked, wanting to be involved in his cousin's care. His parents would kill him if anything happened to Spike.

"I will know more after I get some information that I need." Fred smiled softly, pretending she appreciated the man's interest in her plan of treatment. "Now the sooner we get started the faster I can prescribe something to help you feel better."

Spike took a deep cleansing breath and said, "Then ask away."

The question and answer session took the total of twenty minutes before she had a plan formulated in her head. She reached down and picked up her satchel that contained some of the medications she planned to use. Later she would make a trip to get what she really needed.

She pulled out a vial of medication and a syringe and started to share her treatment plan, "First I'm going to give you an injection of Ativan. It's a medicine used to help calm your nerves and relax. The reason for the shot is so it can get into your system quicker, and keep you from going into a condition known as delirium tremors, or more known as DT's."

Spike's eyes grew large as he watched her approach him with the needle and asked, "Sure about the shot, are you?"

"Yes, I am." She said before she asked, "I could give it in your arm, but it will hurt worse there since the medication is so thick, or I can give it to you in your backside. Which do you prefer?"

"Here!" Spike quickly said as he pushed up the sleeve of his tee shirt.

Hiding her disappointment another idea came to her as she asked, "Do you play an instrument?"

"Lead guitar."

"It could make it difficult for you to play due to the irritation to the muscle." She advised, hoping he'd change his mind.

"Peaches, do you mind looking the other way." Spike said as he stood up to unbuckle his jeans.

Angel quickly looked the other way while Spike turned his back to the doctor as he loosened his jeans. He felt her softly moved a portion of his pants down to uncover his hip.

"First it will feel cold as I clean the skin." Fred explained as she fought the urged to push the jeans lower. "Now, just take a deep breath."

Spike felt the prick of the needle and the harsh burn as the medication was injected in to the muscle. He could tell she had been right; it would have affected his playing if he 'd taken the shot in his arm.

Fred wiped the area again before applying a bandaide over the injection site. She had given him a smidgen over the recommend dosage, enough to sedate him more, but not enough to cause him any harm. Just as long he wasn't allergic to the medication.

She quickly averted her eyes to keep from watching him pull his pants back up and refasten them. Her panties were wet, from wanting him so bad, and she couldn't wait for the next step of her plan to be implemented. For that to happen she had to get him in his room and alone.

"I suggest you return to your room, take a nice hot shower and try and get some rest." She told him as she put her materials away and planned on how she would join him without anyone knowing about it.

"What about for tonight?" He asked, having remained standing since the medication was still burning his backside.

"I will give you something mild before the show that shouldn't interfere with your playing. Then tomorrow we can work on some relaxation therapy talking about your problems with your substance abuse."

"Okay, so back to my room." Spike sighed.

"And rest, no TV, no talking, no phone calls, which one would assume would be covered under the talking, just lay in the bed and rest." Fred firmly instructed him all the while thinking, "Rest until I get there and then I will work my magic and make you feel so much better."

"Okay, Peaches, care to escort me back to my room." Spike teased his cousin, knowing the poof was too quiet for his taste.

"Can I tuck you in and read you a bed time story for old time's sake?" Angel delivered with a serious expression.

"No, you tell bad stories that scare young impressionable boys like me." Spike pouted, as he followed his cousin toward the door.

Fred knew he needed to know how to contact her, so she said before they left the room, "Call me if you have any concerns, I'm staying in room 516."

"How funny, I'm in 518, and Angel here is in 508." Spike replied before they left.

Fred quickly gathered her things so she could hurry to her room. The sexual frustration was too much to handle and she needed some relief. She made sure the door closed completely behind her and locked before she headed to her room.

Her body pushed the door closed as she leaned against it dropping everything on the floor. Her hands quickly lifted her skirt as she bit her lip wanting to leave and knock on the door of 518. So close and yet still too far away. She moaned as her fingers moved her panties aside and started to rub her erected nub. Never could she remember being so horny and wet as she used her free hand to undo her jacket so she could massage her breast as she continued to get herself off.

"Spike eat me, baby." She whimpered. "Yeah, baby, that tongue, so long, fuck me with it, just like that."

She pictured in her mind his face between her legs, his tongue doing all nice and wonderful nasty things to make her want him. The intensity of her orgasm hit so hard she could no longer stand as she slid to the floor.

"Oh, Lord, if it's that good to dream about, think how perfect the real thing must feel like." She moaned licking her lips as she stood slowly and straightened her clothes. She had things to prepare for the next step of making Spike Rayne hers.


A big thank you for those who have reviewed and have given this story a chance.....

TBC

Kimber

A/N: I have been holding back posting, for we will now be going down the road of darkness and pain. This chapter be warned Fred does something terrible that will lead to Spike's road to Hell over the next couple chapters....****Nonconsenual Fred/Spike in this chapter...**** You have been warned. This is my first story of writing something that is sooo dark and ugly, and who better to use then the one character other then Tara I would never associate being this unhinged. Reviews are welcome, be good or bad......I'm very nervous about the next couple of chapters....very nervous......



"Buffy it's for you." Faith yelled from the office.

Buffy looked at her watch and frowned at the time. She had figured Spike would have called before, and thinking to herself it had better be him on the phone. It was hard not to notice how anxious he was before boarding the plane.

"This is Summers." She greeted whoever was on the phone while noticing Faith's pissed off expression.

"Baby, before you say anything I'm sort of drugged up, but by the doctor, Doctor Fred ordered me medication to help my drawls from withholding or some rot." Spike slurred, the medication having kicked in after the shower. "But I had to hear my girl's voice before I take my nappy."

"What did the doctor give you?" Buffy asked, wondering if she should believe him.

"Ativan in a needle, it hurt like a bitch. My bum is still killing me." Spike tried to explain, "something about Deleriichms or tremors to stop them or so forth an such."

"To prevent you from having delirium tremors," Buffy clarified, knowing all about them from dealing with her mother.

"Yeah, that's it, my girl is so smart. Don't know why she puts up with the likes of me." Spike mumbled.

"Cause she loves you and there's nothing wrong with the likes of you when you are not drunk or high off your ass." Buffy told him and glared at Faith when the girl snorted and rolled her eyes.

"Wait for me, baby." Spike whispered before he passed out.

She could hear him snoring and said with a gentle smile on her face, "I love you too, and sweet dreams, baby."

Faith leaned back in the chair as she watched her friend and employee hang up the phone. "So, what's the jerk on now?"

"For your information the doctor gave him something to help him relax and keep him from getting the DT's. I know he was a bit shaky when they left this morning." Buffy said, with a touch of doubt in her voice. "He said the right words, but I just don't know if I can trust him."

"He was too sugary sweet so I go with the legal happy drugs if you ask me." Faith winked as she returned to her paper work.

"Yeah, you're right he was too sugary sweet and didn't once mention sex." Buffy laughed, agreeing with Faith's assessment.

*******

Fred used the key card she'd had one of the employee's make for her at a hefty price. Once she heard the click of the lock, she quickly opened the door and slipped into his room. For the next hour, she would work her magic of implanting fantasies of her in his subconscious. The drug would help by making him believe her visit was only a dream.

She let her sundress fall to the floor revealing her nudity as she approached his bed. There he was spread out before her like a feast. Lying on his back sleeping soundly, with only the hotel robe barely covering him. There nestled in brownish blonde curls lay his semi erect member. She pushed the robe further apart so she could fully appreciate his spectacular body as she straddled his waist.

"Mine, all mine." She whispered, letting her fingers trace his chest, paying close attention to his nipples as she rubbed her wet heat against his lower abdomen.

"That's it, honey, let them pucker up for me." She moaned as the twin nubs responded as if to her command.

Her eyes traveled as she slid across his thighs, looking down at his groin, smiling at how his lovely little cock seemed to like her touch as well. She let her hands drift down to his stomach, letting her fingers move along the well-formed six-pack now sticky where she had been.

"I bet they come in handy when you're fucking the ladies. No more fucking anyone but me, from now on. Me, Spike do you hear me, I mean no one." She leaned down to whisper in his ear as she laid down on top of him, enjoying the feel of skin against skin.

Fred found his lips irresistible as she gently licked them, feeling a rush of moisture between her legs when he made no resistance when she slipped her tongue into his mouth. Her heart started to race when his tongue started to respond her.

She broke the kiss as her lips trailed down over his chin to his chest. She took in one nipple as she worried the other with her fingers, feeling powerful when she heard him moan in pleasure. Not wanting to slight his other nub, she switched. She suckled more firmly this time as she pinched the other, causing his cock to harden even more.

By the look on his face, she could tell he was enjoying the exploration of his body, but was still under the influence of the drug. Using her tongue, she traced down to his navel and explored its creases before continuing down his hip. The temptation to bite him was strong, but she kept enough sense not to. No evidence of her being here could she leave at this time. But in the future there would be no holding back in marking him as her property.

"I could suck you dry." She moaned taking his leaking cock into her warm hand.

She started to firmly stroke up and down, fascinated with watching more cum leak out of the tip. It dripped down along the side, allowing her hand to slide easier along its length. She could no longer deny the urge to taste him, as her tongue licked him from base to tip. His girth stretched her lips as she took him in as far as she could without gagging, trying to get her muscles to relax so she could take him further down her throat.

"Oh god, yes." Spike moaned, his speech slurred as he began to fuck her mouth.

Fred started to hum as she found rhythm with his thrusts, waiting for the right time to change her position. Just when his grinding became erratic, she released his throbbing cock out of her mouth causing him to whimper not to stop.

"Don't stop, Buffy, don't stop." He moaned, causing her to growl her discontent as she moved up his body.

"No, Buffy, dream of me, dream of Fred. Buffy doesn't love you, like I do." Fred hissed as she lowered herself unto his erection. "She only wants you when you're good. Buffy is a bitch that thinks she is so much better then you. She will only hold you back. You don't love her."

She watched closely for any sign the drug was wearing off as she lifted up and thrust back down reveling in how big his cock was. The urge again to mark him was hard to hold back, as she pictured herself scratching and biting his chest.

"Oh, Spike, baby, fuck me." She begged as she took his hands and placed them on her breasts. "Feel me, squeeze my tits, baby. Yeah just like that, harder, baby harder." She chanted, continuing to ride him hard and rough.

Breathing became faster and harsh, as she grew closer to the edge. The look on his face was pure bliss as she squeezed her vaginal walls wanting to take him with her when she came.

"Cum for me Spike, baby, I want to feel it shoot up inside me, not Buffy, but me, Fred. Say my name baby, say it when you cum." Fred begged as she felt her orgasm over take her.

She felt triumphant when she heard him say her name as he came thus reassuring her that the first phase of making him hers was complete. He should remember this moment as if it was a dream, having him think it was his idea of being attracted to her. She gently rocked back and forth not wanting it to end, but she knew the drugs would soon be wearing off.

"I miss you, honey." She murmured in his ear as she lifted her hips and felt him slip out of her, feeling empty without him filling her. "No one loves you like me. No one can help you but me. Buffy is nothing, she doesn't love you and never did, she's using you."

Fred reluctantly left his bed and quickly got dressed, before going to the bathroom and grabbing the washcloth he had used in the shower. She warmed it up in the sink before going and washing him up, not wanting him waking up and wondering what had happed.

His cock came back to life as she cleaned him, giving her an idea. She pulled the blanket up over him leaving her hand under the blanket to get him off. It would cover the smell of sex, and if her words sunk in his subconscious, he'd think he had a wet dream about her.

"Oh, Spike, yes baby. Make your Fred scream." She moaned in his ear as she started to move her hand faster.

"Fred!" Spike whimpered, as his hips worked with her touch.

"I’m yours baby, cum for me." Fred demanded, as she grasped the throbbing flesh tighter, while rubbing her thumb across the leaking head on the upstroke.

"Fred, come, yeah!" He called out as he came all over the top sheet and in her hand.

"That's my man." She purred in his ears as she fondled him till he was soft and flaccid again. "Who loves you?"

"You do." He mumbled, with his eyes closed and oblivious to the reality around him.

Before slipping her hand away to clean it, she took his left hand, and spread the semen around his appendage, before placing it on his groin underneath the blankets. Once she knew he was not going to wake up she licked his spending off her hand and fingers.

"You taste so good, honey, and I can't wait to taste all of you." She complimented him, as she quickly made sure she had everything before slipping out of his room undetected.

Once she made it to her room, she leaned against the door with her hands cradling her lower abdomen. She prayed they had created a miracle today. The thought that she could be now carrying her lover's baby brought tears of happiness to her eyes.

*******

Spike felt groggy as a persistent ringing kept coming from somewhere. Slowly he realized it was his phone and tried to reach it with his left hand and stopped when he noticed the sticky textured substance all over it. Suddenly the ringing stopped.

"What the Hell?" He mumbled as he lifted his sheet and noticed the little mess he made while he was sleeping.

Spike fell back and closed his eyes, as he remembered having a sex dream about his new therapist. He felt like he was reliving his teenage years, before the dyed hair and bad boy persona came to play. As William, he had a lot of wet dreams, and a personal hand on dick relationship with himself.

The sudden pounding on his door brought him out of his trip down bad memory lane of his life as William. He used the sheet to wipe his hand and groin, reminding himself to have housekeeping change his bedding. Upon standing he felt a little dizzy and took a moment before walking over to open this door.

Angel's voice sounded anxious as he yelled through the door, "Spike, open up the door."

"Hold your horses, Peaches." Spike tried to yell back, but his mouth was dry and his throat scratchy.

"Well, it's about time Sleeping Beauty." Angel snickered, when his cousin opened the door taking in his cousin's bed hair.

"Well, I've been waiting for my Prince to come and kiss me awake." Spike snorted, giving his cousin a mocking glare.

"It's time to get ready and grab something to eat before heading out to the gig." Angel said, hoping Spike would join them.

"Not sure I'm up for the group ignore Spike hour yet." Spike sighed; knowing the only one that would talk to him was Angel.

"How about you shower, I grab my stuff and we eat together." Angel offered wanting to make sure his cousin knew he was behind him all the way.

"You sure Cordy won't get pissed?" Spike asked, not wanting to cause Angel and his woman any problems.

"No, in fact she suggested it." Angel replied. "She understands that I will be spending as much time with you as you need. She also wants me to tell you that once you are ready she wants for you and her to have a nice sit down talk."

Spike rolled his eyes and sarcastically said, "Oh, Princess wants to talk to me."

"Spike, she loves you like family, and she knows her limitations. She doesn't want to let her anger make her say something she would regret or hurt you." Angel explained. "You should have seen her when I told her you were getting professional help, she about did the jig saying, "Thank God, I don't want to lose him"."

"And the others?" Spike asked carefully, but the insecurity was in his voice.

"Xander is being the obedient boyfriend since Anya thinks we should not coddle you any longer. Tara is giving you time to let the seriousness sink in before approaching you. Oz is just Oz, sitting back and assessing things. Doyle, he doesn't count right now." Angel told him the G rated version of the opinions the others had voiced earlier.

When in fact Anya wanted to confront Spike with a contract that if he were caught using again he'd be forced to leave the band. She was all for the tough love program and making him accountable for his actions. Xander, being scared he'd do or say the wrong thing wasn't comfortable talking to Spike at the moment.

Tara who's background included studying to be a psychologist a few years back, felt they should have canceled the tour and got Spike into inpatient rehab. Doyle had agreed with Tara, stating how hard getting clean the first time was always the roughest, too much temptation on the road for some virgin rehabber.

"Just you and me?" Spike asked.

"Just you and me!" Angel reaffirmed.

"Okay, room service or downstairs?" Spike asked, hoping he'd pick room service.

"How about I order pizza, wings, and some sodas to be delivered?" Angel answered the question with a question, wanting to give Spike the power of making the decision.

"You know me, I'm a wing man." Spike chuckled.

"Then you get ready and I will order and meet you back in, say 20." Angel said with a relaxed smile on his face, feeling hopeful he'd get his cousin back in one piece after this.

"It's a date." Spike agreed, as he shut the door so he could go and get a shower.

He still felt spooked concerning the dream he had about having sex with his doctor, and waking up and finding it had made him cum in his sleep. It also scared him the thoughts floating around his brain telling him that Buffy didn't love him, that she was using him.

"It's not true, she loves me." He mumbled, trying to tune out his little voice saying, "If she loves you so much why ain't she here? She only wants to be with you when it's good."

Spike quickly stopped his thoughts from getting anymore darker concerning his Goldilocks as he gathered his things to go take his third shower of the day.

*******

Fred waited until Angel had walked away and Spike had closed his door before closing hers. She just returned from her little trip, picking up the things she would need to further help Spike get better and realize she was the one for him.

Hearing and seeing the closeness between the two men made her realize she'd have to be very careful. She also knew that she'd have to make sure that Spike depended more on her and less on any of the others if her plan were to work.

She had some time to work out a plan that would make all her dreams come true. In time, she was sure his family would come to love and appreciate her, but for now she had to concentrate on her man and making him better. She walked over and emptied out her purchases. Looking at the different drugs at her disposal both legal and not.

"Tonight, my love, your fantasies will become reality." Fred closed her eyes and dreamed of him telling her he loved her and asking her to marry him. "Yes, there is nothing that would make me happier then becoming your wife.

*******

Buffy stood behind the bar and listened to the men shout over the music. She had decided to pull a double shift since Warren had called off ill. The real reason was she didn't like going back to the empty apartment; it reminded her she was Spikeless for the next 2 months.

They had agreed to call each other every other day. His call this afternoon had made her want to drop everything and go to him, be there to hold his hand. Then the rational Buffy would take over and tell the other Buffy how wrong that would be. He needed to stand on his own two feet and stop the madness, her holding his hand would only set him up to fail later on.

"Hey, gorgeous, you and me have a date with destiny." A tall blonde southerner yelled at her over the bar.

"Yeah, I know, so what destiny are you drinking?" Buffy asked sarcastically, with a smirk on her face.

"I would love to drink you, I bet you taste like honey and spice and everything nice." He flirted, giving her a look that told her he wanted her.

She laughed, as she honestly told him, "Sorry, Buffy on tap is by special order by only one man, and I'm not sorry to say, you're not him."

"But baby, we could be so good together." He pleaded.

"Nope, not interested, now what are you drinking for real, or move on to the next subject that does not openly talk about me and you." She said, as she gave him a pointed look.
"Well, Lindsay old buddy, looks like the little filly has shot you down."

"Shut up Caleb. I have all night to win her heart." Lindsey said as he gave her a wink and added, "I'll take whatever the house has on tap."

"Great choice on drinkage, but the communication line to winning my heart in permanently on hold." Buffy again told the man she was not interested.

"Hi Honey, do you think will be coming home on time?" Riley smiled at Buffy, hoping she played along.

"Hi Honey, I'm sure I will be home on time, just like every time." She replied trying not to laugh at the other man's look of disappointment on his face at seeing Riley.

"Hot damn, boy you been shot, kicked, and hung." Caleb laughed as he patted his friend on the back.

Buffy kept a straight face as she handed the man his beer and took his money. She would wait until later to thank Riley for stepping in and cooling the other man's heels. The mood to deal with hard headed men that didn't now the meaning of no, irked her to no end.

"Keep the change sweetheart." Lindsey sighed as he and his friend turned to mingle with the rest of the crowd.

"Thanks, I had a feeling he was not going to stop." Buffy said with a relieved smile on her face.

"No problem, was more than happy to be of assistance, Miss Summers." Riley winked, as he took a seat at the bar.

"What's got you out on a school night?" She asked, having never seen him come down to the club, only up to the bar.

"Celebrating one of my colleagues birthday, she turned 25." Riley chuckled, wishing he could find the courage to ask Buffy out on a date.

"Cool, bring the next order to me, my treat." Buffy winked as she turned to the next customer to get their order.

Riley watched her gracefully handle the large orders never breaking her smile. Something told him that Spike didn't deserve her that he had no idea what a treasure he had in Buffy. He'd heard about the man's problem with substance abuse, and he believed the man probably wasn't faithful either. With all the half dressed, young females willing to jump at the opportunity to sleep with a rock star hanging around. He thought there was no way that Spike wasn't sampling the merchandise.

"Hey, Riley, come back to the party." Samantha the birthday girl yelled in his ear.

Riley startled, and glared at his fellow resident and said, "That is not funny."

Sam laughed as she whispered, "So, she's the one that has you all hot and bothered?"

"Stop, right there." Riley warned her.

"Don't fret, I won't tell her a thing, promise. But why the hell won't you ask her out?"

"If you had to choose me over Spike Rayne, the new up and coming Rock God, who would you pick?" Riley asked.

Sam had a look of awe on her face, "She's dating Spike, the lead hottie of Angel's Redemption?"

Riley sighed as he rolled his eyes and shook his head yes, getting his answer from the girl's reaction.

"Damn, she's one lucky lady, he's a hunk of man, not saying your chopped meat." Sam tried to explain. "You represent the man we want to marry, have a family with, where Spike is the bad boy to sow your wild oats with and have a hot little memory. So I say set back and wait and you will have your time in the Buffy sunshine, cause her current boyfriend just might not be the long haul guy for her."

Riley leaned back and realized she might just be right. He had another couple of months before he had to report to Virginia. Come the end of July his residency would be over, and then come the beginning of September his life would belong to the US of A. He would just sit back and bide his time and see where things settled, if nothing else he and Buffy could come out of this very good friends, or something more.

"Sam, I think I will sit back and see what happens, but so far back she forgets I'm here." Riley winked, as he waved Buffy over so he could put in that drink order.

*******

Spike sat on the couch waiting for the 'mothers little helper' to help him calm down and not feel so anxious. He apologized for barking at Tara earlier, when she had approached him to say hi. Now everyone, including Angel had kept their distance from him, causing him to think they wanted nothing to do with him.

Fred sat back and watched her web of deceit spread. She had quietly spoke with the major supporting members, Angel, Cordy, and Tara, to explain they needed to not pressure Spike right now and give him some space to find his way of dealing with his weakness.

She could see how difficult it was for the brooding Giles boy to keep his distance from his cousin. The bond between the two young men was strong, but felt the one developing between her and Spike would over power it in the end. She notice that Angel and his girlfriend were having a heated discussion and wondered what it was concerning.

"I can't just stand here, it's not right." Angel said between clenched teeth.

"You heard what the doctor said." Cordy replied, defensively.

"It's not the way family should treat family, it's not how we were taught." Angel explained, knowing his mother would be bitching up a storm if anyone told her she couldn't be around her William right now.

"But, the nutty professor says it's for the best right now." Cordy said, trying to get Angel to think outside the box, "The family thing wasn't working before."

"Because I was stupid, and kept Mom and Dad in the dark about Spike's problems." Angel sighed, knowing his parents would be disappointed in both their boys over this.

"Then call them, get them involved." Cordy encouraged him, thinking it would be best if Jenny was here, that woman had a way with Spike no one else did.

"The nutty professor said that would be wrong, since Spike doesn't want them to know." Angel growled, "I will talk to Spike about it myself, or Eric maybe. She's just wanting to cut him off from me and I don't like it."

"Then let's talk to Eric about it tonight after the show." Cordy said as she took his hands in hers. "We will do everything in our power to get our William back. He can Spike himself up and down, but both of us know the real man behind that front he likes to perform."

"I love you, baby and I don't know if I could have handled this without you." He told her as he leaned in to kiss her softly.

"I'm with you no matter what, I will fight right beside you to get him back." Cordy promised as she hugged her man close.

Fred let the breath she had been holding go. She was worried that Angel was about to walk over and make contact with Spike, something she wanted to avoid as much as possible. It would ruin her plan of getting him dependent on her, if the idiot cousin kept interfering.

Xander, having not had the don't talk to Spike lecture walked over to his friend and nudged him, "Go knock 'em dead, fast fingers Willie."

Spike broke out in laughter at the old forgotten nickname Xander had given him one night of drunken fun. They had started trying to find a funny nickname for when they got famous, since Spike would not be enough and Xander wanted something with more of an oomph to it. They both had laughed until they cried with the names they'd come up with.

"What ever you said, Xan-man the sandman." Spike replied as he good naturally nudged him back.

"I’m here for you dude, don't ever forget that, just think you needed some time out from everyone in your face." Xander explained.

"Thanks man, it means a lot." Spike said with a sad smile. "I just hope I can do this."

Xander leaned in with his forehead against Spike's, "Use the force Spike, it will guide you. I believe in you."

Spike closed his eyes and felt the warmth of his friend's words touch him deeply. "Thanks, I needed to hear that."

"No problem, drop over anytime and I will be more then willing to add faithage to the you can do it box of faith in Spike. If that even makes any sense. God I have spent way too much time with Willow over the years." Xander sighed dramatically.

"Then I've spent way too much time, with the both of you." Spike snorted, "Since I understood you clearly on the first go around."

"Alright, guys and gals get ready, its show time." Albert Swanson, one of the tour managers told them.

"Okay, everyone let's go out there and give it our best." Angel said as he looked around at each of his bandmates. "Rock on."

Everyone repeated, "Rock on," as they followed their leader out toward the stage.

*******

Disclaimer: Same as it ever was, same as it ever was.....

A/N and warning: The next couple chapters will be heavy Spike and Fred.....be warned...for those who only like Spuffy and only Spuffy and nothing but the Spuffy then I advise not to read. I find this is very important to plot of where this story is heading.....and you sometimes have to hit the bottom before you can climb to the top and appreciate life. For the Spuffy followers, all I can say is have patience.....and see where this takes all of them.


Spike stood in the shower wondering what he should do. He felt confused, anxious, and embarrassed and didn't know whom he should call. He stood under the shower stroking his hard on wanting it to end. Every time he'd get himself off he'd become erect again.

Fred stood outside the shower door, watching her lover's silhouette as he masturbated. The sounds of him moaning, groaning, and grunting, made her pussy moisten, as she continued to watch, the shadow of his hand move back and forth over his cock.

"Spike, are you in there?" She asked as she stepped back at the doorway. "Are you okay?"

Spike groaned as the major object of his fantasy yelled through the door. He had tried to think of Buffy when he first started to get all aroused and needing to take care of his basic needs. But every time he came it was Fred's face on the body he was fucking that would let him find his release.

"I'm, fine." He tried not to pant as he closed his eyes to continue trying to make this time be Buffy he saw when he came.

"You don't sound fine." Her voice sounded innocently concerned, with a smirk on her face, as she massaged her breasts, at the same time squeezing her thighs together.

"I'm, well, it's. Oh God, it's complicated." He ground out, losing his battle with keeping Buffy's face in his head, with the other woman's voice so close.

"I don't want to embarrass you, but maybe I can help. It's not unusual to get, how can I say this and don't take it the wrong way, sexually frustrated during withdrawals." Fred explained.

"Sexually frustrated is it." Spike groaned, as he wanted nothing more then to shoot his load already and get the frustration over with.

"Spike, I can help if you let me." Fred said innocently, but with a look of lust on her face, as she started to remove her clothes.

"Oh, I don't know, Doc, how you can do that?" Spike felt his cock start to become painfully hard at the suggestion she could help.

"Spike, I won't tell if you don't, but if you keep this up you could hurt yourself." Fred said as she opened the shower door and stepped in.

"Oh God!" Spike gasped as he looked at her lovely nude body, seeing her nipples standing erect. "We shouldn't do this, I'm in a relationship."

"This is about what you need right now. No one needs to know but us. Let me help you." She begged as she stepped closer and kneeled before him. "Let me take care of you, Spike. You don't have to go through this alone."

Spike felt intense pleasure as she removed his hands and replaced them with hers. He stared at the ceiling finding all his willpower go out the window when he felt her take him inside her moist, warm, willing mouth.

"Feels so good." He murmured as his hips moved in time with her sucking motions. "Just like that, yeah, god that's good."

She let him slip out of her mouth and smiled at his groan of disappointment begging her not to stop. The fact he was letting her satisfy him fed into her belief that they belonged together.

"Do you want to fuck my mouth?" She asked as she stroked him firmly making him shake with need.

"Yes." His voice raspy with need.

"Look at me and say it." She commanded.

Spike looked down and watched as she used her tongue to toy with his slit. He knew this was wrong, but said, "Yes, I want to fuck your sweet little mouth."

Fred sucked him back in, relaxing her throat allowing him to thrust in and out. She knew he was close as she positioned her shampoo, lubricated finger at the tight little hole of his anus and thrust her finger up inside causing him to shout her name as he came hard in her mouth.

"Oh, fuck, Fred." Spike shouted when he felt her finger jam up inside him causing him to cum hard and fast.

He watched as she sucked him dry, not losing a drop, "yeah take it all."

Spike felt his cock come back to life as she started to hum. He watched her hand disappear from sight noticing her firm little ass start to wiggle. The thought of her pleasuring herself made him want to lift her up and screw her to the wall.

He reached down and gently grabbed her by the hair to signal he wanted her to stand up. The look of lust on her face as she licked her lips pushed all logical thought out of his brain as he watched her continue to finger herself.

Fred noticed how he was fixated with her masturbating and begged, "Fuck me, I want to feel your big cock up inside me, pounding me so hard."

Spike gave no second thoughts as he turned her and pushed her back against the shower wall. He used his hands to lift her and moaned when she wrapped her legs around his waist. Her hand encased him as she placed the tip of his cock at the opening of her moist cunt.

"I like it hard." She purred as she rubbed him against the warm, wet, heat, of her pussy a few times.

"Then hard it is." He promised as he slammed his hard length up inside her tightness, causing her to moan in a mixture of pleasure and pain.

"Oh, Spike, yes." She pleaded, "Fuck me hard and fast, make it hurt just right."

Spike was never one to let a lady's sexual request go unheeded, as he pulled out and gave the woman what she wanted. Dru had been the one to introduce him to how good a bit of rough sex could feel. Buffy had shied away from it the few times he tried to introduce it to her. He'd never tried again until the hotel the other day. He knew then it was something she'd never understand or would want to participate in again in the future.

He felt he was loosing his balance so he lowered her to the bottom of the tub. He brought her knees up over his shoulders as he resumed pounding her with everything he had. Her cries of yes, more, harder, and something about meant for each other fueled his lust.

Never had anyone ever fucked her so perfect she thought as he made one of her fantasies come true. The best orgasm with her vibrator had been them having shower sex, never as magnificent as the real thing happening right now. She sank her nails into his shoulders as she felt herself falling over the edge.

Both shouted their release together, as he continued shallow thrusts inside her. He gazed down into her face and noticed the content expression as she smiled up at him. The guilt of what he'd just done started to sink in as a flash of Buffy's face passed before him.

"Oh, God what have I done." He groaned as he tried to pull away from her.

"You've done nothing wrong, baby." She reassured him as she maneuvered her legs back around his waist and pulled him down to her.

"You don't understand, I don't cheat on my girl. I'm with someone and I can't believe I let this happen." Spike said disgusted with himself, feeling like cad and a loser.

"Spike look at me!" Fred kept the smile off her face as she seriously asked him, "Where is this girl? Why isn't she here giving you the support you need? Does she love you enough to take on the bad with the good, or does she only want you when you are sober and on your best behavior."

Spike didn't know how to answer; he just didn't want to discuss Buffy while he was still attached at the hip with another woman. "I can't talk to you about her while we are like this." He said as he waved his hand between their bodies.

"Plus the water is starting to get kind of cold." Fred giggled as she pulled him down for a kiss, hoping it would wake up his lovely perfect dick again.

Spike felt the kiss right below the belt as he felt his cock betray him and start to harden while inside her warmth. He pulled back from the kiss, pushing him deeper inside her welcoming body, causing her to moan and smile.

"Some one wants to play some more." She licked her lips as she wiggled her hips side to side.

"Like you said the water's getting cold." Spike groaned as he pulled out and sat back on his knees, trying to avoid looking at her nude, willing body.

He turned and shut off the shower and was surprised to feel her take him in her mouth and start to suck him hard and fast. He rolled his eyes as her teeth grazed him making him thrust against the back of her throat.

"God woman you know how to give a blow job." He complimented her.

She stopped and sat back licking her lips as she said, "Maybe you should return the favor, and I bet you know all the tricks with that lovely little tongue of yours."

Spike tilted his head and gave her a confused look as he asked, "What are we doing?"

"What do you think we are doing?" She asked, without giving him an answer.

"I don't know. I really don't know."

"Then I think we continue until we find out what it is we are doing here." She suggested as she leaned in to kiss him, letting him taste himself on her tongue. "Now, why don't we move this to the bed and you show me what you can do to make a girl happy."

She wanted as much of him she could get before the drugs wore off. She had found someone to make the sexually enhancing drugs look like the medications she was using to help with his getting sober. All of them mixed together at different times, along with his vulnerable state, made it easier to manipulate and place suggestions he otherwise never would have had.

Never in her plans to make him hers did she think she was being unethical, immoral, or doing anything illegal. She just knew they belonged together and it was up to her to make him believe it as well, no matter what it took to make him believe it as well.

*******

Buffy stared at the ceiling, wanting to hear his voice tell her he loved her and feel his arms around her. She turned and cuddled his pillow so she could inhale his scent. Never had she felt the distance between them as she did now.

Having made her decision, she would tell Faith tomorrow that in 2 weeks she was going to take a vacation and surprise Spike for his birthday. She would see how life on the road felt for that week and then decide if she would be able to live it so she could be there for him. She felt herself getting sleeping, drifting off dreaming about her, Spike, house, kids, pets. Yes, she wanted it all, and she wanted it with him.

*******

Spike felt something good happening to him as he drifted awake. He opened his eyes, as a moan escaped his mouth. The room was dark, and someone was under the blanket worshipping his cock. He suddenly remembered the marathon bathroom sex with his doctor, which had continued further in the bed.

"Fred, it's four in the morning, I need to rest." He moaned but was disappointed when she stopped sucking him off.

Fred slid up his body and straddled his hips, lifting herself up and onto his hardened shaft as she said, "But I need you, baby. I need to ride you like a stallion and feel you cum in side me."

"Oh, Fred, we, oh yeah, just like that." Spike groaned as she squeezed him tight as she thrust back down at the same time.

"I know how to take care of my man." She said as her fingers pinched his nipples and twisted them to the point of pain.

"Oh Fuck, yeah." Spike growled as he grabbed her hips to thrust up inside her tight little cunny.

Fred smiled at how well he responded to the pain she was inflicting, as she leaned down and took his sore nipple in her mouth, and soothed it with her tongue before biting on it hard without breaking any skin. Feeling the sudden gush of warmth, as he shot his climax hard up inside, making her cum along with him.

"No one can please you like I can. No one can give you what you really need, like I can and do." She whispered in his ear as he drifted off to sleep.

She lifted herself off his now flaccid member and settled in beside him to fall asleep. He would find out how wonderful it was to have her to wake up to in the morning. She would make it that he ate, drank, dreamt, and fucked her, and only her.

*******

Fred lay beside him with her head propped up on her hand, enjoying the quiet moment watching him as he slept. She knew she had to be careful not push too hard for him to break it off with this Buffy person too soon. Some how, she had to keep her lover from making contact with that woman until that happened.

His semi erect state was noticeable through the thin sheet that covered their lower bodies. Thus making her picture ways she would wake him in the future, when he was truly hers to play with as she saw fit.

"Morning, sunshine." Fred greeted her man as he awakened with her in his arms.

She felt disappointed he did not seem happy to see her as he frowned with confusion, followed by guilt. The drugs had worn completely off, this making it harder for her to manipulate his body's basic need to be satisfied.

Spike at first had felt relaxed, thinking he was waking up to his girl. That was until his gaze met a pair chocolate brown eyes looking down at him instead of a set of warm hazel ones. Instead of tussled blonde hair, he saw dark brown instead.

"I guess it wasn't a dream." Spike mumbled as he rolled away from her and sat at the side of the bed.

"No dream." She said, keeping the anger and disappointment out of her voice.

"I’m sorry." He whispered as he rubbed his face in his hands, trying not to cry.

She could tell he was having some residual effects of feeling guilty, mixed with the urge to take a drink. A plan came to her as she got out of bed and wrapped the discarded towel around her.

"Spike, you have nothing to be sorry about. You did nothing wrong, you needed someone last night, I happened to be there." She explained as she took a pill out of the bottle of the plain sedatives she gave him yesterday.

Spike felt himself start to shake as he tried to comprehend what she was saying. He knew last night he really had no control, she was right he needed someone. He really didn't know what he would've done if she had not been there for him. Her telling him last night he was not alone in this had helped keep him sane.

Most of his guilt came from being angry at Buffy for not being here for him. Thinking if she had been here, he'd never have taken advantage of Dr. Burkle. The more he thought about it, the more the guilt started to turn to anger toward his so called girlfriend.

Fred kneeled before him in her towel with a glass of water in one hand, and the medication in the other. She was sure his cousin would be coming or calling soon to wake him, since their flight would be leaving in a couple hours. Her job now was to get him calm, packed, and ready to face them while keeping what had happened here last night a secret.

"Spike, you need to take your medicine now." She instructed as she handed him the pill.

"I feel like my skin is crawling and my head hurts." His voice muffled from talking into his hands.

"It's the withdrawing you are feeling, here take this." She told him in her firm doctor voice, hoping he was not going to be a problem, making her fight to stay here as his physician impossible.

Spike put down his hands and regretted it as soon as he saw her kneeling before him in nothing but a towel. Remembering what she did to him last night made him harden and groan. He reached out and took the pill; unaware she could see his reaction to seeing her so scantly dressed.

Fred felt herself become wet with want as she watched his dick jump when he noticed her before him. She handed him the glass of water making sure their hands touched, hearing his sharp intake of breath at the contact.

"Let me help you. You have not, and will not be taking advantage of me, Spike. I want to be here for you, you just have to let me." She said as she let the towel drop to the floor. "I won't leave you to deal with this alone, like someone else has."

Spike about choked as he swallowed the pill and mouth full of water as she undid the towel. He could see she wanted him, as she scooted closer placing her hands on his knees and drifting up over his thighs. All he could do was lean back on the bed, his hands flat against the mattress as her hands started to fondle his shaft and balls with loving care.

"I will get you through this Spike, be your port in the storm and help you become that man you want to be. Not who she wants you to be." Fred assured him as she took him in her mouth and worshipped him the way he deserved to be.

Spike let himself believe her words as she worked her magic on his body. She would tell him repeatedly how she would care for him, support him, and give him whatever he needed to become a better man. The one thing he wanted was able to prove to his father, he was not a loser.

*******

Buffy looked at the band's itinerary that Spike had given her and called the hotel he was staying at in Vegas. She hoped she was about to catch him in his room, hoping to have a nice private sexy conversation with her man.

"Thank you for calling, 'The Hard Rock Hotel, Las Vegas'. Maria speaking how can I help you?"

"Spike Rayne's, room please, code name Slayer." Buffy politely asked, twirling her hair with her finger as she waited.

"Yeah, almost ready Peaches." Spike snipped.

"Oh, sorry catch you at a bad time." Buffy giggled.

Spike was shocked to hear her voice and not Angel's, since he was running behind because of his and Fred's morning activities.

"Buffy, I'm sorry but yeah, I'm running behind and just feeling like shit." His voice sounding gruff and impatient, since he really didn't want to face dealing with her, and his feelings about things that happened here last night and this morning right now.

Buffy felt hurt but decided not to let it get to her, "Okay, call me when you get to Phoenix."

Spike sighed, thinking it would be best to just not talk to her for a while, until he got his head together and he figured out what the hell, was going on with Fred. With how he was feeling right now, he was sure he'd say something that would out him to Buffy about sleeping with Doc. Or say something hurtful and mean to hurt her feelings.

"Buffy, maybe we should wait a few days. It's like when I tried to stop smoking that one time. We argued for a week until I took back up the habit. Fred, I mean Dr. Burkle said I might be rather hard to get along with." Spike tried to use as an excuse to keep from talking to her until he felt more in control of himself.

Buffy didn't know what to say at first, the pain of him not wanting to talk to her made it hard to speak. The tears stung as she fought to keep from crying.

"If you think that is what you really want." She whispered into the receiver.

"I think it's for the best, you said it yourself I needed to be able to stand on my own." Spike used her words against her.

"I love and miss you." She replied, wanting to reassure him.

"I will call, soon. I promise." Spike said before hanging up, unable to repeat the words back to her she had told him.

Buffy stood in shock as she listened to the dial tone playing in her ear. He had hung up without telling her he loved and missed her. She looked around their apartment trying to find anything that would soothe her pain. There on the one end table, was a recent picture that Angel had snapped of her and Spike snuggling together. It was taken at one of Xander's backyard parties.

She tried to tell herself he was acting strange because of his not drinking and starting to miss it. Her mother had been the same way when she would try to kick her own habits. But something kept telling her this time was different, he'd never treated her so abrupt or uncaring. Even when they fought the other night and he called her a bitch, it was because of his partying too heavy and them arguing.

She gathered her things so she could go and take a nice hot shower. The conversation kept playing in her head, and each time she'd become more concerned. It all came down to trust and faith. The next couple of days were going to be slow torture waiting for his call.

*******

Spike hung up the phone and started throwing things into his suitcase feeling angry for some reason. After he hung up he realized he hadn't told Buffy he loved her or missed her, making him feel even guiltier.

He kept looking at the door, waiting for her walk through it, back to him. The need for her presence was so strong he fought the urge to stop packing and join her next door. He wanted so much to be buried deep inside her again, hearing her voice reassuring him she'd be there for him no matter what. Begging him to make her cum, pleading for him to make it hurt so good she would scream his name.

No longer caring he just finished throwing everything in and zipped up his case. His erection pressed firmly against his zipper, making it very uncomfortable to walk. He gathered his things, and quickly left his room stalking next door and pounding on her door.

Fred opened the door giving him a sexy little smile as she asked, "Where's the fire?"

Spike growled as he walked in licking his lips, "Between your pretty little legs, and I'm just the man to put it out."

She stepped aside letting him enter, closing the door behind her and squealing as he pushed her up against the door. No one said anything, as he pushed up her skirt, ripped off her panties, while she undid his jeans. His fantasy came true as he fucked her hard against the door, hearing her promise him she'd never leave, and her screaming his name as she came hard and tight making him cum so hard he almost blacked out.

"Fire's all out." She murmured as she felt him slip out of her.

"Till next time." He mumbled as he led her to the bathroom so they could wash up.

"We have to be more careful. The others won't understand and make me leave you." Fred warned him, wanting to keep their relationship a secret for now.

"I promise I will be." He said as he wet the washcloth and wiped gently between her thighs. "Go find you some sexy little undies for me to rip off later."

Fred giggled as she did as she was told, feeling like she was on top of the world. So far, her plan was working. He initiated sex with her sooner then when she thought he would. Figuring it would take her at least two to three more days to get him addicted to her. The call for him to break up with that Buffy person would soon be a reality.

Spike stared long and hard in the mirror as he straightened his clothes after cleaning up a bit. He was no longer able to look at himself, looking at everything else reflected back at him. A little voice inside his head asked a question he barely could make out, "What about Buffy?"

He shook himself free from that little voice as he turned and left the bathroom. Fred was ready to go, with a very satisfied appearance on her face as she gave him a wink. He looked at his watch and realized they were going to be right on time, as they gathered their luggage and left to join the others in the lobby. She went down first, as he waited to take the next elevator, not wanting to be seen arriving together.

*******

Thanks to everyone for reading so far and hope I do not loose anyone. Just think of how hard it was for you to read, well it was even harder for me to write. Extra thank yous for those that have taken the time to review.....

Kimber

A/N: A big warm thank you for those who have kept the faith. I know how hard this is to read, believe me. I've had to write it. Spike's road to redemption with be long and painful.


Riley sat at the bar, noticing how his favorite petite blonde bartender was looking a bit under the weather. She hadn't been her usual perky self the last couple of days. He was sure it had something to do with her so-called boyfriend. He had overheard Buffy telling her one friend how Spike had talked to her over the phone and how it had made her feel.

He became worried when he noticed the sweat suddenly appear on her forehead, and her face paled. She stopped what she was doing and grabbed the side of the bar, shaking her head as if she was trying to keep from passing out. Riley quickly jumped over the bar and hurried to catch her as she lost her balance and fell.

Buffy felt a sudden rush of lightheadedness and nausea creep up on her. The last couple of days she had been feeling woozy and tired. She had attributed it to the lack of sleep, and decreased appetite since she had last called Spike. Suddenly the dizziness intensified making everything seem hazy and far away.

"Buffy, are you okay?" Riley asked softly and he held her close and checked her rapid pulse.

"I think I'm going to be sick." She pronounced, her eyes wide as her hand came up to cover her mouth.

"Well then it's Dr. Finn to the rescue." Riley said in a calm voice as he picked her up and quickly carried her to the women's restroom.

Buffy immediately fell to her knees as she emptied her stomach contents into the toilet. She could not believe the timing. The last thing she needed was to be sick when Spike called, causing him to add worrying about her to his list of problems. It had been three days, and she expected him to call today.

"How long have you been feeling sick?" Riley asked, as he knelt beside her rubbing her back gently while using his other hand to keep her hair out of the way.

Buffy took several deep breaths to help calm her sickness as she replied, "vomiting first time, dizzy for a couple days."

"Any fever, chills, or the dreaded diarrhea?" The doctor in him began to take over as he again felt her pulse and skin.

"No, neither." She replied as she continued to take slow deep breaths.

Riley hated having to ask this question, "Could you be pregnant?"

Buffy felt a jolt of fear and excitement go through her as she answered, "I'm on the pill."

"Forget to take it by any chance?"

"No, but they did lower the strength a couple months ago." She said, her voice sounding tired and anxious at the thought.

Riley continued rubbing her back His medical opinion was that she did not have a virus. Just she had an illness, but of the mother to be kind. He considered asking her a few more questions that was pertinent but changed his mind.

"I think you should either, make an appointment with your doctor, and or buy a home pregnancy test and take it. You could be pregnant."

Buffy mumbled to herself, "I can't be pregnant, now is not a good time for me, Spike and babies to mix."

Riley closed his eyes to bite off the retort about what he thought of Spike being the father of her baby. It felt like the final nail to the 'can't get Buffy', was about to be hammered in place.

"Well, don't get yourself all worked up about it until you know for sure. It could be you are coming down with a flu bug of some sort." Riley tried to reassure her, even if he believed his first diagnosis was true.

"You just don't understand, now is not a good time to start a family." She tried to explain, without getting into too much detail on her and Spike's troubles.

"Buffy, again, first find out if you are having a baby." Riley said as he silently prayed he was wrong.

It saddened him to think he'd never be able to give her a child or any woman for that matter. During his physical with the army they'd found out he was sterile. His dream of finding the right woman, getting married, and having babies had been destroyed eight years ago. His girlfriend at the time left not too long after.

"I know you're right, but God, I'm scared." Buffy whispered, as she tried to stand.

Riley helped her over to the sink, "How about I drive you home? We can stop at the drug store on the way."

Buffy turned on the water, using it to splash her face and rinse out her mouth. She hated to leave Faith and Robin in a lurch, but she really wasn't feeling well at all. What scared her most would be finding out she is pregnant and then having Spike leave her, unable to face the responsibility of being a father right now.

"Yeah, the ride home would be great and the other offer too." She replied, knowing the bus ride would not be in her best interest right now. "Let me go tell Faith, and then we'll be on our way."

"Take your time, I'm in no rush." Riley reassured her.

"Don't you have clinic or something today?" She asked, hoping he wasn't skipping work or something to help her out.

"Not until this afternoon around two."

"Okay, just so long as I'm not keeping you from something you need or planned on doing." She said, giving him a determined look.

"Nope, I'm your chauffer, madam." Riley said with a soft smile as he watched her relax.

"Okay, Faith, drug store, home. That's all the planning I can handle for now." She muttered as she turned to walk out of the bathroom.

*******

Spike smiled as he watched his Doc packed her things in a hurry. They'd played in bed late into the morning leaving them both so tired that they didn't get up until they absolutely had too. She had given him the best present a man could ask for last night, as he remembered packing the lube and condoms away for future use.

"Are you feeling alright, luv?" He asked, as he looked at her sexy well-loved arse.

"Let's just say I will be thinking of you while sitting on the plane, stud." She winked as she suggestively shook her butt at him suggestively. "Getting wet, hot, and bothered, remembering what you did to my poor little derrière last night."

Spike licked his lips and gave her a look of pure lust as he purred, "Don't worry, baby, Spike will make it all better when we get to the next hotel."

"I know you will, baby." She smiled as she zipped up her case. "I love you."

"Love you too!" Spike said with a grin, as he opened the door for them to leave.

*******

Angel paced the lobby, getting worried and pissed at the same time. It was starting to get on his nerves that Spike was always cutting it close with getting to the lobby on time. He felt some relief when he noticed Fred come off the elevator.

"Did you see Spike?" He asked her.

"He was about ready to leave." She replied professionally, "Don't push to hard, he hasn't said anything, but it looks like he had a bad night last night."

Angel and the others, except Doyle tried to relax. The Irishman found he didn't like this so called doctor at all, something about her just wasn't right in his book. He also didn't like some of the interaction between Rayne and this woman when they thought no one was watching them. His gut was telling them their relationship was not on the up and up.

Doyle leaned over and whispered in Tara's ear, "Watch the lovely doctor and Spike more closely, you might learn something you don't want to know."

Tara turned and glared as she said, "Don't start any rumors."

Doyle gave her a sad smile as he replied, "I don't believe it to be rumor. I don't trust the bitch. Been through a few dry outs myself and it's just doesn't feel right to me."

She looked at him and realized he wasn't lying, that he was worried. He placed enough doubt in her mind for her to become suspicious. She promised herself she would pay closer attention to how Spike and this doctor responded to one another in the future. Until she saw something to cause her to be concerned, she would keep it to herself.

Tara watched as Spike entered the lobby, looking between him and Fred to see if she noticed any thing spark between them. She prayed he was not cheating on Buffy, it would cause a rife in the group for sure.

Nothing out of the ordinary was noticed, but she also knew they'd be extra cautious when under direct supervision. It made her wonder when the last time it was Spike had called and talked to Buffy. He was always passing messages back and forth between her and everyone whenever they'd play away from home.

Doyle was now a man on a mission. He'd get the proof that the Dr. Burkle was unethical and that she and her patient were having an affair. If Spike is sleeping around he'd make it known to the bastard, he would be more then willing to win the affection of Buffy Summers and treat her like the princess she deserved to be treated as.

Spike just smiled as he joined the others in the lobby as he kept telling himself, "Don't look at her, mate, just don't make eye contact or Angel will know."

Last night had been special all the way around. She had broken down and confessed how much she loved and needed him. He in turn told her that he felt lost when she wasn't around.

"About time sleeping beauty woke up to greet reality." Xander snickered as he gave Spike a friendly punch in the arm. "Did Buffy keep you awake late with hot monkey phone sex talk?"

Spike felt like his stomach dropped to the floor, in the past three days no one had mentioned her name. To hear it now, after last night, made him wonder what he had seen in the blonde selfish bitch to begin with.

"No." Spike quickly said, without giving any further explanation.

Xander picked up the change in Spike's expression from smiling happy guy, to evil looking dude. Never had the mention of Summers made Spike react like that.

"Trouble in the Rayne and Summers paradise is there?" Doyle smiled, "Good, now maybe a real man might have a chance at her."

Spike turned to glare and seethed, "You think you're man enough?"

Doyle stood face to face and said, "I know I'm more then man enough, it's you that's beneath the likes of her."

"Enough!" Angel growled as he stepped between the two men. "Let's get our heads back in the game shall we."

Doyle waited so he could follow close behind the little doctor. He could tell she was pissed at something with her shoulders all set back and ridged.

He moved beside her and whispered, "You see he deserves a sneaky cunt as yourself. Buffy is ten times the woman compared to you."

Fred used her little girl voice, as she looked at him all shocked, "I don't know what you are talking about?"

"Don't think you can con me, I know you and Spike are fucking like rabbits, breaking all kinds of doctor, patient rules and such." Doyle chuckled as she blushed. "Please, take him, get him away from sweet Buffy. She needs a real man, not some pussy whipped Nancy boy like Rayne who's letting you lead him by the balls."

"You don't know what you're talking about." Fred hissed.

"Oh, luv, yes I do." Doyle snorted as he walked past her placing himself beside Tara and whispered, "We need to talk."

Tara's sad voice replied, "I know."

Spike happened to meet Tara's gaze and was shocked at the accusation and disappointment he saw there. He tilted his head giving her a questioning look. He felt the sting as she mouthed to him, "How could you?"

It hit him hard that she knew his secret. She knew he was sleeping with Fred, and in her eyes cheating on Buffy. For the first time he felt guilt at what he was doing, but he just didn't think it was something to do over the phone. There just wasn't any time for him to visit Buffy in person and tell her that it was over between them.

*******

Buffy stood in their bathroom staring in the mirror refusing to look down and see the results. She had been standing there for the last twenty minutes trying to find the courage to see if they were going to be parents.

"You can do this, you know you can." She told her reflection.

"This will make or break the relationship. He's not ready for a family yet and will feel like you've trapped him." Her voice of doubt reasoned.

She had the phone in her hand and the number to his hotel already to go. All she had to do was look down at the test results and hit talk. The doubts that plagued her since her last call came back in full force. He had promised to call, and so far, she hadn't heard a peep out of him. She would check the caller ID even when she hadn't left the house, thinking she'd missed his call.

Finally she forced herself glance down and her heart came up to her throat as she hit the talk button and moaned, "Oh God!"

"Hotel Hilton of Dallas, Martin speaking, may I help you."

"Spike Rayne's room, please, code name Slayer." She whispered, feeling scared and alone.

"Hello." Spike's answered out of breath, having made it up to his doc for earlier when he argued with Doyle about Buffy.

"Spike, baby, we need to talk."

"Now is definitely not a good time." Spike replied trying to catch his breath.

"No, we need to talk. I need to"

"You need, it's always about what you need, well fuck what you need." Spike spit in the phone.

"Spike, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, Buffy, at least not after today." Spike said deciding it was time for it to end.

"After today?" She asked, feeling a tightness forming in her chest.

"Buffy, I think it's best if we don't see each other anymore. I'm never going to be good enough in your eyes. I need someone who is willing to be here with me, help me, give me what I need." Spike continued to tell her with his back to Fred, not seeing the look of triumph on her face. "I found someone that does all that and more."

"You found someone, in less then a week." Buffy whispered, her voice raspy with unshed tears.

"Yeah, you could call it fate." Spike sighed, "I'm sorry it has to end this way, I just can't live a lie anymore."

"Live a lie?"

"I know what love is Buffy, and what we had wasn't it." Spike felt horrible having to tell her like this.

"You never loved me." She repeated, her world spinning out of control. "Then what would you have called it?"

"Lust, a good time, come on Buffy you don't love me, you just wanted to control me, just like Dru."

"Don't you compare me to her, I'm nothing like her."

"Really, you have issues just like she did, you need to get over your mother and all that bull."

"Spike, I have something I need to tell you." She needed to let him know about the baby.

"You have nothing I need to know about, please don't call me again and I expect you to be moved out by the time me and Fred get back into town next month." Spike said before he hung up the phone.

"I'm so proud of you, baby." Fred praised him as she wrapped her arms around him and placed kisses on his shoulder.

He couldn't help thinking, "But why does it feel so wrong?"

"Come and let me reward you for such a job well done, baby. For proving to me our love is strong enough to face anything and everything." Fred purred as she did things to make his body react and give her what she craved.

Fred smiled to herself, remembering how she had implanted all those thoughts into his mind while under the influence of the drugs she had used, since that first night she came to him. Her plan had worked, faster then she had hoped for, but he was now hers and hers alone. Now she'd have to work at getting the others to accept Spike's decision to choose her over this other woman who obviously did not love him like she did.

*******

Buffy stood sobbing into the phone as she listened to the dial tone. She couldn't think as she looked in the mirror and tried to comprehend what she should do next. Her world was shattered into pieces at her feet. He didn't want anything more to do with her, and hadn't given her a chance to tell him about the baby.

Some how she made it into the bedroom that once was theirs, collapsing on the bed they once shared. Curling into a ball she poured out her sorrow to a pillow that no longer held his scent. She realized her mistake; she had forgiven him too many times. Now she had to try and forget, forget he ever existed.

Tomorrow, if she had the strength to face it, would be a long day. The more she thought about everything the more she came to realize she was exhausted. The world was no longer a safe place to be, for herself or for her poor innocent unborn baby.

*******

Spike was heading back stage when Tara confronted him, "We need to talk."

"Tara, just let it be." He begged, not wanting to have this conversation now.

"Are you sleeping with your doctor?" She came out and asked.

"Tara, it really does not concern you." He ground between his teeth.

"I take that as a yes." Tara said looking sad and disappointed. "So where does Buffy fit in all of this?"

"Again, none of your concern." He rolled his eyes and tried to walk past her.

"You are a bastard, William Rayne. I never thought I would ever use that word in reference to you, but you're a low life cheating two timing bastard and I hope you rot in Hell." Tara's face became angry and her voice accusing. "She never should've taken you back after this last time. God she is so much better off without you, I just hope she realizes that very soon."

"Tara, what's going on?" Angel asked, worried since he'd never seen Tara so angry.

"Ask your rat bastard cousin." Tara said as she looked at Spike, "Stay the hell away from me."

Angel noticed the pain mixed with anger on his cousin's face. "So care to tell me what happened here?"

"It really doesn't concern you, Angel, let it be."

"I'm not so sure about that, since it made our mild mannered never would yell at anyone, Tara swear and a call you nasty names." Angel said as he crossed his arms and gave Spike a look of tell me or I will beat it out of you stare.

"Fine, since everyone is so keen on my goings on, I broke up with Buffy today."

"You broke up with Buffy, why the hell would you do something so stupid." Angel fumed, wondering where, the hell the real Spike was hiding.

"Why am I the stupid one?" Spike asked, getting more and more pissed off.

"Cause the cousin I know and love worships the ground that girl walks on. She loves you more then life itself, why would you give her and that up?" Angel felt like he didn't know this man before him anymore.

"I'm in love with someone else. Someone, who loves me and wants what's best for me" Spike shouted, "Is that so wrong?"

"Who is she?" Angel asked, already fearing the answer.

"Fred, we are a couple now."

"How long?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yeah, it matters."

"Why?"

"Because it matters if she has manipulated you in anyway to think you love her." Angel said firmly, thinking he was going to talk to Eric about the wonderful help he had provided.

"I know my own mind."

"Do you now, so in less then a week Dr. Burkle has you thinking you love her and not Buffy. That she is what you need and what you want. You expect me to believe that garbage without a doubt that she hasn't taken advantage of your condition and warped your brain." Angel's voice held anger and determination that made Spike back away.

"She loves me."

Nether man saw the fist coming as Cordelia Chase punched Spike in the nose and yelled, "You bastard, you've been cheating on Buffy, after her taking you back after your last fuck up." Her anger getting the better of her since she'd just talked to Tara.

"What the hell is going on here?" Anya stepped between Spike's prone body and Cordy who was about to kick him with all she had.

"Seems bleach bastard two timer here, has been cheating on Buffy with Dr. unethical bitch." Cordy told the others.

"I knew it." Doyle crowed.

"He says he broke up with Buffy today." Angel sighed, wondering how he was going deal with this major problem.

"Where is doctor sleep with my patient whore at now?" Cordy looked around to see if Fred was around.

"Back at the hotel." Xander told them. "Said she had something to do."

"Yeah, prepare for the next clinical fuck fest I would imagine." Anya said as she turned and finished what Cordy was going to do and kicked Spike right in the ass, "You ass wipe, after all Buffy has done for you, you treat her like this."

"Stop hitting and kicking me." Spike yelled as he scooted away from the two angry females, rubbing the area where Anya had kicked him.

"Willow, have you talked to Buffy today?" Oz asked his wife, calling her when Angel mentioned the fact Spike had ditched Buffy.

"I think someone should take you out and put you out of everyone's misery, myself." Doyle said with a smirk. "I'll tell you like I told your lover, you're pussy whipped, and I'm so happy. Now, I will go and get the girl, and we can ride off into the sunset, get married and make pretty little babies."

"What do you mean she went home ill and hasn't answered her phone?" Oz's voice became a tad emotional, telling everyone how upset he was about all of this. "Go next door and get Mr. Anderson to give you the extra key, no baby, it's important. You need to make sure she's okay. No Mr. ass wipe just broke up with her is why."

Spike's heart started to race hearing that Buffy had gone home ill and no one had been able to get in touch with her. His head was starting to hurt, and his hands began to shake a bit. He was finding it hard to concentrate.

"Oh, God!" Spike moaned into his hands feeling confused on what to do, "I need Fred, I have to talk to Doc about this. She'll know what to do."

"She shouldn't have to tell you what to do, your the man, you figure it out." Doyle snorted."

"Shut up!" Spike yelled.

"Stop Doyle, now!" Angel growled.

"Yeah, let's get back to the hotel and wait for Willow to call and let us know that Buffy's okay." Tara said as she took Doyle's hand leading him away.

"I agree, that's the best idea yet." Anya replied as she tried to take Xander's hand only to have him avoid it.

Xander walked over and looked down at his friend. "Why did you do it? Why would you treat Buffy so badly when all she has ever done is love you."

"If she loved me so much, why isn't she here with me?" Spike yelled.

"Maybe because she knew in order for you to really get better you couldn't lean and depend on her so much, it didn't work in the past. Maybe she believed that for you to heal you had to learn to do it standing on your own two feet. Could be she put her trust in the wrong man?" Xander's words hit home.

"Maybe she did." Spike said feeling confused, not knowing whom to believe anymore.

"I don't know what this so called doctor has been feeding you, but it's a load of crap. Buffy has always had your back, from the first night you met." Xander continued to say, "I'm still your friend, but right now I'm very disappointed in you. Don't let that demon head shrink do anymore damage, she's lying to you."

Spike felt like his head was splitting in two with his brain being pulled in two directions. On one side, Fred was telling him all of them would be against them and he had to ignore them. Where everyone else was on the other side, saying his Doc was evil, and to run from her as fast his legs would carry him.

Oz walked over and looked down on him with contempt as he said, "If Buffy has come to any harm, I will personally see that you pay."

He watched as everyone but Angel left him sitting on the floor, the only one that seemed to care other then his cousin was Xander. The others brushed him off like he was dirt beneath their feet, or threatened to hurt him if anything had happened to Buffy.

"What has she done to you?"

"She loves me."

"I don't believe that for one minute."

"She believes in me."

"Buffy believed more in you then anyone, except for me, mom, and dad."

"No, Fred does, she understands what I need, and knows I need her to be a better man."

"She really has scrambled your brains."

"No, she found me, and is making me better, stronger."

"What, by making you need her to make decisions for you. Does she need to tell you it was okay you broke it off with her rival? That's not love, Spike, that's having control over another human being. Buffy never took control of you. She gave you choices and let you decide. She forgave a lot of bad choices you made, but she stood beside you in the end." Angel said as he gave his cousin a sad smile, "I called mom and dad and they are going to meet us in Houston. I can't tell you to stay away from that woman, but I won't have anything to do with her, nothing."

"Are you telling me that I have to choose?"

"No, I'm just saying I will visit you and talk with you as long as I don't see her face." Angel clarified. "I love you, you're family and I will always accept you in my home, but she will never be welcome. For one, I think Cordy will kill her, or at least do some bodily harm."

"What if I say you have to accept her or you will never see me again?" Spike asked, feeling brave, and wanting to stick up for his Doc.

"Then I wish you a long a happy life and hope we can at least write. I hate her for this Spike and there's not enough time in the universe to ever change that."

"Okay, want to help me stand up, that girl of yours has one hell of a right hook."

"I know that's right." Angel chuckled, as he helped Spike to stand. "Come on we can share a cab ride together. Maybe there is some news concerning Buffy when we get there."

"I do hope she's okay." Spike mumbled.

"I do too for your sake." Angel replied, "You know she is like family to Oz and Willow. Tara, Cordy, Anya, and Xander love her dearly, and we know how Doyle feels. She's like a sister to me. Giles and Jenny love her like a daughter, just like they do Cordy. Fred will never be accepted, I hope you realize that."

Fred looked around making sure everything was in place. The candles, just right, with one close enough within reach if needed. Buffy was no longer a problem, making it possible now to get him to move to the next step. Never in her wildest dreams would she have imagined getting him this far in a matter of a week.

Tonight would be the night he asked her to marry him, she was sure of it. The idea she'd planted frequently at the right times, just like she had gotten him to admit he loved her. The knock on her door alerted that room service had arrived with what she needed to make her plan complete.

As soon as the door opened, she found herself lying on the floor holding the left side of her face. The look on the on the trio's faces made her fear something bad was going to happen.

"Well as I see it, you need to leave." Cordy told her as she towered over her.

"Yes you aren’t welcome here anymore." Anya smiled as she looked at her nails.

"I have already called and reported you to your boss, and The American Medical Association." Tara added, as she squatted down beside her and added, "You're a disgrace to your profession."

"I'm pressing charges." Fred hissed, as she tried to stand only finding herself pushed back down.

"Oh, my, really, anybody here see what happened?" Cordy snorted.

"We are just here to let you know we don't like how you practice medicine. So we here by fire your ass and if you know what is good for you, you will take the next plane out of Spike's life and our hair." Anya leaned down and explained.

"Oh I like that, Anya." Tara smiled as she noticed the band's assistant manager straighten back up and frown.

Anya started to walk around and blow out all the candles, gathering up everything, and placing them in a pile as she spoke, "Your room as been canceled and a formal complaint has been filed with the management of you harassing us. Spike's things are being moved into Angel's room as we speak. For the duration of the tour that is where he will stay. Cordy will now room with Tara."

"You can't make him stay away from me, he's mine now." Fred spoke with a confident look on her face. "He loves me."

"Oh, I forgot, Eric's legal advisor is getting a restraining order against you as well." Anya informed her.

"What the hell?" Spike yelled from the doorway.

"We are taking care of business." Anya said from the bed. "She has been fired, already cleared it with Eric's manager who has notified her job. By the time this is through, she won't have a license to practice. Oh my, what have we here?"

Fred tried to get up off the floor to keep the woman from opening her case. But, the other two would not let her up. The last thing she needed was for them to find out what she had in her bag.

"Oh, I wonder, doctor evil bitch, just what do all these different little pills do?" Anya smiled as she opened the case and picked up the various bottles to look them over.

"It's all legal." Fred tried to lie.

"Then why all the worry honey, and why are there some pills with no markings?" Anya's voice began to become worried. "Spike come here and tell me if this is what she has been giving you?"

Spike glared and started to refuse until Tara's words hit home. "Are you afraid to find out all she has told you is a lie, that maybe she's drugged you up to believe all her lies."

He walked over confident his Doc would not have done that too him, but a voice deep down told him it's exactly what she had done. He stopped beside Anya and looked at various pill bottles all with his name written on them.

"Look for yourself." Anya offered.

All the bottles held small white pills, some with a couple small numbers across it, were other ones had no markings on them, just plain white pills. The bottles that contained the unmarked white pills said on one of the bottles Spike's FS ECZ, and HS ECZ on the other.

"Oh my God! You've been feeding him ecstasy, haven't you?" Anya asked, looking at the doctor with a look of shocked horror.

Spike looked at the evidence, his thoughts rushing around all jumbled as he warred with himself over what and who to believe. It all started to overwhelm him as he felt his world falling apart before him.

"Spike, man look at me, stay with me." Angel tried to soothe him.

"Don't listen to them, baby, remember no one loves you like I do." Fred reminded him.

"God, can I tape her mouth shut?" Cordy asked.

"Spike, come on, look at me." Angel begged.

"He doesn't look so good." Tara pointed out.

"Would you if you found out some psycho bitch did a brainwash number on you?" Anya stated bluntly, quick to point out the obvious as always.

"No, he loves me, I just had to show him the way is all." Fred tried to make them see reason. "We are meant to be together, he's my soulmate."

"You need to be locked up and then someone needs to throw away the key." Cordy suggested.

Spike stared off into space as he picked up the water glass and smashed it on the table. He just wanted the pain to stop, the confusion to go away, his head to stop hurting, and his mind to stop making him hear, think, smell, or live.

Before Angel could stop him, Spike picked up a large piece of glass and slashed his right wrist. The Blood squirted on the table and walls making the people in the room scream and Anya to call 911.

Angel fought with Spike trying to use a towel that Tara had given him to put pressure on the wound. Soon Xander was there, helping to hold their hysterical injured friend down, so they could try and stop the bleeding.

"Let me go, let me bleed her out of my body, she needs to leave and it's the only way." Spike sobbed, "Tell the bitch to leave."

"Spike, who are you talking about?" Angel asked, already suspecting who it was.

"The bitch, get her out get her out of me." Spike yelled as he glared at Fred, "You did this to me, you made me hurt her, made me hurt me, made me believe your lies and not her truth."

"Get her the fuck out of here, now!" Angel yelled at the ceiling as his heart was breaking.

Doyle felt ashamed having now found out what had really been going on. He grabbed Fred by the arm and jerked her to her feet. Ignoring her pleas to go to Spike that she could make it better.

"The only thing that would make this better is if you were never born." Doyle snorted as he and Oz dragged her out of the room screaming and crying for Spike.

Soon the scene became more chaotic as the paramedics arrived along with the police. Between Eric's manager and Anya things were arranged as Spike was taken to the nearest trauma center under an assumed name. Everyone felt it was important to keep this incident as quiet as possible.

*******

Willow and Faith stood in front of the door pounding and ringing the doorbell. Mr. Anderson had not been home to get the key from him. Both women needed to see Buffy in person to make sure she was alright.

They both sighed with relief when they heard a familiar voice asked, "Who is it?"

"Me and Willow, now open the damn door."

"I really don't want any company right now." Buffy sighed, as she leaned against the door fighting off more tears.

"I need to see for myself that you're okay." Faith replied, "So please open the damn door."

Buffy sniffled as she undid the locks and cracked open the door and said, "So either you are checking up on me and my not feeling so good earlier, or you know?"

"We know." Willow answered, taking in Buffy's puffy eyes and pale skin.

"I just need some time alone, honest I will be okay." Buffy reassured them, seeing their worried looks, "I'm not the first or will I be the last girl dumped."

"Call me if you need anything." Willow beseeched her.

"I promise."

"Take a few days off with pay." Faith offered, "Call if you need me to drop off some food or what not."

"I will, now I need to get back to my Kleenex box, it misses me." Buffy said to try and humor them.

Both women shook their head yes and was saddened their friend didn't want them around as they watched as Buffy shut the door. They agreed to give Buffy some time alone, but set a dead line of three days. If they didn't hear from her by then they'd come back together and force their way in.

Buffy returned to the bedroom where she had been in the mist of packing her things. Come morning she would plan further beyond just the gathering of her belongings. L.A. was no longer a place she wanted to be. It was time she moved on and found her place in life that would be as far away from Spike as possible. She had someone that had yet to be born depending on her now, and there was no way she was going to let her baby down.

*******

Riley stood outside her door hoping she would welcome his visit. It had been two days since he had taken care of her when she'd become ill. Not even an hour ago, he'd overheard bits and pieces of Willow and Faith's conversation concerning the woman he cared about. They had just returned from trying to visit with Buffy.

Hearing that Spike had broken things off had made him see red. He acted like he hadn't heard them as he paid his bill and left the bar, ending up here. The need to make sure she was okay, and if in fact the bastard was leaving her with child gave him the courage to knock.

"Who is it?"

"It's me Riley."

"Oh!" Was all Buffy could say, having no clue how to handle this visit.

"Please open the door. I need to talk to you."

Buffy smoothed her hair back and felt embarrassed about how she looked.
She spent most of the morning in the bathroom bringing up her breakfast and her dinner from last week. Her clothes were wrinkled, and she was not wearing any make up.

"I'm not really up for company right now."

"I promise to only take up a moment of your time."

Buffy sighed as she slowly opened the door allowing him to enter. The look of understanding made question if he knew that Spike had broken up with her.

"Why are you here?"

"Two reasons really."

"They are?"

"First, was wondering how the home kit results went?"

Buffy started to cry, "I'm pregnant."

Riley opened his arms, letting her decide if she wanted him to comfort her. To his surprise, she practically jumped into his arms as she cried. He enveloped her in his arms and hugged her close offering her all the love he had to help comfort her.

"He's found someone he says loves him and he loves her. Says, he never loved me." Buffy said between the tears.

"He's a fool." Riley mumbled before asking, "Does he know about the baby?"

"No, he said he doesn't want to know anything about me any more and asked me to move out."

"What are you going to do?"

"I want to be out of L.A. before he comes back. I don't ever want to see or hear from him again, and I definitely don't want him anywhere near my baby."

"I can help if you let me."

Buffy looked up at him, her face red from crying as the tears rolled down her cheeks. He reached up cupping her face and wiped the tears away with his thumbs. It was a long shot, but it would mean the world to him if she said yes.

"Buffy, you would be giving me a truly wonderful gift if you marry me and let me be the father to your baby."

Buffy's eyes grew big as she heard his request and whispered, "But I don't love you."

"Not yet you don't, but I think you could learn to love me." Riley said as he smiled down at her, "I already know I love you, and would be honored to give this child my name. We can do this together, I know we can."

"But what if I don't come to love you?"

"We just take one day at a time. I won't push you, and we can take our time to get to know each other."

"I can't believe you'd do this. What if we have children together?"

"I can't have kids, so that would never be an issue. I would look at it as being a gift to have the woman I love by my side and raising our baby together."

"When do you leave for Virginia?"

"I have to be there first thing Monday morning. It would give us time to pack up your things drop them off them off at the movers tonight. We can drive to Vegas tomorrow, get married, spend a few days there and then fly to Virginia in plenty of time. I just have to call and see if they can scare me up some housing for the two of us."

"But what about, you know." Her blush told him she was worried about sex.

"Buffy, I can wait until you're ready. I want the first time we make love to be special, and about us. It might be before the baby comes or after, it doesn't matter, you are worth the wait."

Buffy felt that maybe someone had heard her prayer after all. It was like Riley was a godsend and the answer she had been looking for. He was a good man, and she felt she could maybe come to love him if given the chance.

"Care to help me pack?"

Riley smiled down and said, "I would love too."

*******

Jenny gripped her husband's hand as she looked down at her sister's son. His face was so pale, his eyes unfocused, as he cried out for his mother, wanting her to save him. The things that her nephew was unconsciously revealing made her heart weep. It would seem his problems went deeper then anyone could have imagined. His father was more of a bastard then anyone had thought.

They had talked Angel into continuing the tour, reassuring him they would take care of William. The band had found a young Spike wannabe, by the name of Penn Armstrong to play in Spike's place for now.

Fred's employer was providing for her care, until they could locate any family to step in and take over. She was under constant supervision since she had tried to kill herself several times as well. Someone had checked her apartment and found her bedroom covered in pictures and posters of Spike. In her five disc, CD player, each slot had the band's CD in it.

The biggest worry was no one knew where Buffy was. Willow and Faith had went to check on her and found she had left, leaving no forwarding address only a note telling everyone good-bye. Telling everyone not to worry, she would be all right and it was best she just cut all ties and move on with her life.

Jenny heard a knock on the door as she and Giles watched as a distinguished looking young man walk in. She watched as he looked toward her nephew with a look that told her that he was another doctor that was coming to see about his care.

"Can we help you?" Giles asked the young man.

"You must be Mr. and Mrs. Giles, allow me to introduce myself." He offered with a genuine smile, unlike the other ones that were fake or forced. "I'm Wesley Wyndam-Pryce, I will be taking on your nephew's case from now on."

"Mr."

"Please, call me Wes, I have a feeling we will be getting to know each other very well."

"Then you can call me Jenny and this is my husband, Rupert."

"I promise I will do everything in my power to help William the best that I can." Wesley promised.

"We were hoping to get him transferred closer to home." Jenny sighed.

"I think once he is a bit more stable that would be a splendid idea." Wesley agreed, "Just to let you know, I'm able to go and settle where ever he goes. I can start a practice in Sunnydale I'm sure without a problem."

Giles became suspicious as he asked, "Who is paying your bill?"

Wesley walked over and reached out and gently stroked William's forehead as he replied, "Some one who cares about William, who wants every available chance made available on his recovery. Before you ask, this person wishes to remain anonymous, but I will say it has nothing to do with Miss Burkle or the clinic she represented. William's health will be my main concern, and my goal is to get him through this the best that I can."

"I cannot lose him, he is like a son to me and all I have left of my sister." Jenny told him as she came to stand on the other side of the bed to look him in the eyes.

"Like I said, I will do everything to bring him back to you and help him to get his life back on track." Wesley vowed, seeing the pain and fear in the woman's eyes.

"I cannot believe this has been kept out of the news and papers."

"It's because people with the power knows that publicity would destroy him, and it really is no one's business. It also goes to show you how much control a star sometimes has on what gets reported and what does not." Wesley said as he listened to his new client's tortured confessions that the poor man didn't know he was sharing.

"I think it's best you go and get some rest, I'm going to spend some time here and absorb some of the things I will only find out here and now." Wesley told them as he sat down the chair beside the bed.

He pulled out a notebook and pen from his briefcase. He watched as the couple gently kissed his client's forehead whispering they'd be back to check on him. The love he witnessed made his resolve to bring this man back to reality and to heal him the best of his ability a solemn vow.

"Take care of my boy." Giles said before he turned and followed his wife out the door, hearing Wesley's reply, "Only the best."

*******

Thirteen months later.

Spike stood at the door that held the woman that should be sharing this house with him. Fate had taken that chance out of his hands along with a crazy bint named Fred. Now he was here to find the closure he needed to end that horrific chapter of his life.

It had taken some time for him to find her, only because it had taken him this long to get his life back on track. Fred had left him a mess, all tangled in her lies. So many times, he stumbled and only once fell flat on his face during his journey back to reality. He had the scars that showed the battles he had fought physically, mentally, and emotionally.

He knocked on the door, praying no one was home. It still hurt as if it was only yesterday, when he found out she had married not long after he broke her heart. His own life shattered as well. He thanked God everyday for his family, for without them he'd be just another statistic in the hall of death by self-infliction.

"Barb, you're early." Buffy said, becoming pale, as her eyes got wide with surprise and then fear. "How did you find me?"

Spike felt like his throat was closing and his heart was going to burst it was beating so hard and fast. The panic was close to taking over when he said, "I'm sorry, I'll just go," as he turned to walk quickly away.

Buffy had seen the sheer terror in his once sparkling blue eyes and she quickly over came her shock and called out, "Why are you here?" as she stepped out onto the porch.

Spike stopped but was unable to turn back to face her, "I needed to see you, to explain a few things."

Buffy's voice became angry, "Well, you're a little late if you ask me."

Spike turned to look at her and said, "I know, but until recently I wasn't in a frame of mind to deal with it. Buffy, there are things you don't know about that happened back then. Things that were kept from the others that only Angel and Cordy are aware of."

Buffy noticed the shock and then devastation that spread across his face. She looked over her shoulder and noticed Riley standing there holding her son. The look on Spike's face told her he figured out who was Ryan's real father.

"Spike, we do need to talk, but not now." Buffy said, not ready to deal with the fact her children's real father just found out he was a daddy.

Spike looked from the little boy that looked just like his baby picture to the man holding him; back to the one of the few he never would have thought to betray him so. He felt the panic beginning to take over, when it hit him that she never intended for him to find out he was the child's father.

"How could you?" He whispered as he dropped to his knees, hugging himself as he started to rock back and forth. "You were never going to let me know."

Buffy's tears began to fall as she said, "You didn't want me anymore, remember?"

Spike eyes held a pain so great it hurt her soul to see it, "I don't remember anything much from that time of my life. You see I wasn't myself then."

Buffy noticed suddenly Angel was kneeling next to Spike holding him close saying, "I'm here William, you're not alone, remember that, you're not alone." She noticed a car parked at the curb, across the street, with the driver's door ajar.

Spike looked at his cousin and said, "It hurts too much, take me home. That bitch took everything from me."

Buffy's anger gave her the courage to say, "I'm not a bitch, and I didn't take anything from you."

"Buffy, let's go inside, he's not a part of your life anymore." Riley tried to tell her as he wrapped his arm around her waist.

"Not you! Her, Fred, the bitch that stole it all from me, my soul, she blackened my soul and made me bleed. She took my mind and wrapped it around her darkness, making me believe something that was not real or true, that I don't even remember. She ruined my life." Spike screamed as Angel's grip around him tightened.

Buffy was about to say something derogatory when Cordy appeared shaking her head no, telling her with tears in her eyes, "Don't say anything you might regret. There is so much you don't know and need to know before you judge him guilty and unworthy of your forgiveness."

"I just don't want him in my life any more."

"Well, that's not for you to decide if he wants to be a part of his son's life now is it?" Cordy reminded her. "You don't have a clue what kind of hell he has gone through."

"He put me through hell that much I do know."

"But the truth is he didn't, Fred did. You need to hear the story, and it's not pretty, and not something to discuss out here in your front yard." Cordy told her, knowing Buffy had every right to act like this when she didn't know the truth.

"Cordy, I have a good life here. Riley is a great husband and father." Buffy explained.
"But he's not the boy's father, and William needs a chance to have your forgiveness. Something that once you've heard everything you will understand the need for him to be here. He needs closure with you and what happened so he can try and move on with his life." Cordy tried to tell him.

"I hear he has a daughter, let him play daddy with her." Buffy hissed, some friends of Riley's had overheard someone talking about it one day at the club and told him about it, not knowing that Buffy was Spike's ex-girlfriend. "I don't want him involved here."

Cordy's tears began to fall as she whispered, "I'm not sure he will ever be able to be a real father to that poor little girl. She represents so much that is wrong here. She is an innocent; a casualty that we hope can be salvaged from this wreckage."

"A casualty you say." Riley snorted, "how can you call a little girl that?"

"Baby, call Wes and let him know I'm bringing William back to the hotel." Angel called out as he helped his cousin stand.

For the first time Buffy noticed how fragile Spike appeared, the weight he'd lost. The man who loved life was no longer there. She picked up the worried looks between Angel and Cordy and the sadness that were reflected in the faces.

"When you are ready to find out the truth behind what made William break it off with you, let me know, as for his daughter, again you would need to walk in his shoes to understand it all." Cordy said as she pulled out her cell phone and dialed a number, not caring if Buffy overheard her or not, "Hey, Wes, things didn't go well."

"No, Angel has him. No, she's not wanting to talk about it and we also found out a little something that sent him a bit over the edge. He has a son."

"Twins, I had twins."

Cordy's eyes grew large as she repeated that information over the phone, "It seems she had twins, and never told William he's a father. I don't know he's not talking much, and Angel's worried and is bringing him to you, yeah let me ask her." Cordy held out the phone and said, "Wes would like to talk to you."

"Who's Wes?"

"William's doctor."

"You mean Shrink." Riley rolled his eyes and spit out sarcastically.

"I will only say this once more, don't judge him until you know how that bitch damaged him. He is the other innocent victim here. So keep your opinions to yourself until you know the facts, Jack." Cordy said with her no nonsense tone and a glare that made Buffy worry for Riley's safety.

Buffy reached and took the phone from Cordy and put it to her ear. "This is Buffy Finn."

"I wish we could have met under more pleasant circumstances." Wesley apologized, "He wanted to do this alone on his own two feet, the way he knew you would want him to."

"What do you want?"

"I want what is best for my client, he's been through a horrific ordeal that one could only imagine or read in a book and say to themselves it couldn't happen in real life." Wesley sighed, "He needs to find closure with you and what happened in that dark period of his life. It's what he needs to be able to walk back among the living, to heal his soul, heart, and mind. There are things he has yet to tell me, for he feels you need to hear them first. Now, I ask of you, is he the father of your children? Twins if I'm not mistaken."

"Yes he is."

"Have Cordelia give you my number, take some time to let his return sink in. If you wish to talk to me, or ask any questions, all you have to do is call. As for William, he no longer likes to be called Spike. I do hope you have it in your heart to see how much he needs this, needs you. All I can tell you is he was not at fault for what happened between you over a year ago. I hope you find it in your heart to listen and then give him the closure he needs."

"I'm not that girl anymore."

"He's not that man anymore."

"I have a new life for me and my children."

"He needs to find his place again, and they are his children, too."

"Riley has been a good father."

"William was never given the chance to be."

"He didn't want me."

"When you hear the truth, you will find out you was all he ever wanted and how Fred took that away from him."

"He has a daughter."

"She is a reminder of a very bad time in his life, you will understand more if you let him tell you about what happened to him. Let him have that time to grieve with you, to share with you his loss. He will never be whole until he does this."

Buffy watched as Angel practically carried Spike, sobbing back to the car as she said, "He looks so broken."

"It's because he is, and me and his family are trying to fix him, you might say." Wesley sighed, hoping this woman would find it in her heart to help put William back together again.

"I don't want him involved with my children."

"That is between you and William, I will do nothing to influence him concerning that matter. I will support him in any decision he makes as long as it's a healthy one. There is no reason he could not be a good father if that is what he chooses to do."

"I can't talk about this now."

"I understand, but I think maybe you should, especially after you hear his story." Wesley suggested.

"Good bye Wes." Buffy said before she hung up the phone handing it to Cordy saying, "He told me you'd give me his number."

"Here it is." Cordy replied as she gave her Wesley's card.

"I can't make any promises."

"No, you can't, but I know Jenny and Giles would love to see their nephew's offspring." Cordy said as a reminder that other people needed to know about the kids. "I know Angel will be ecstatic to meet them."

"Riley is their father." Buffy said hoping Cordy would get the picture.

"No, he's playing daddy, their father is over there being comforted by their cousin. No need for DNA testing to know who the real father is." Cordy winked as she turned to leave with one last thing to say. "Remember one thing Summers, the truth can set you free, are you ready to be set free?"

Buffy felt a pressure in her chest, knowing her life was about to change for the worst. She and Riley had passed the twins off as being his to his family. Now all their lies were about to come back and bite them in the ass.

"Don't worry, baby, we will get a lawyer." Riley said, "I'm their father, only me."

"No, Riley, you don't understand. He won't rest until he has them if he wants them. No lawyer can keep him from being their father. I need to find out all I can about what happened, and then use it against him. It's the only way I can make sure he stays out of our lives." Buffy promised as she stepped into her loving husband's embrace.

*******

"I feel bad."

"Why?"

"I feel cheated by not being with my child, with Buffy, and I could care less about the other one."

"One was created in love, the other deceit."

"It's not the baby's fault, I know that, but it doesn't help that she looks just like her mother." He said, having only seen her picture once, about a month ago.

"No, it's not. But for you to accept the little one, I think you need to mend and realize it's okay to love her. It does not mean you care for her mother or forgive Fred for what she has done to you."

"I want to hold him, touch him, smell his scent and tell him I love him."

"There's nothing wrong with that."

"But I shouldn't want to do that with her?"

"Maybe in time you will, when that part of you is healed and ready to take that step."

"But I'm not good for either of them. Riley makes a better father. Giles and Jenny are doing a great job with her. I never should have contacted Buffy, should have left her alone, she was happy without me."

"Don't you think she deserves the truth as well? Don't you think she needs to know why you did what you did and who was behind it all?"

"It would only bring her more pain. I don't want her to think I expect her to drop that stiff over sized cardboard wanker, and take me back."

"William, the ball is in her court now. How about we wait to see if she attempts to contact us, and then we go from there."

"Sounds like a plan I can live with right now."

"Good, now get some sleep and I will talk to you in the morning." Wesley suggested as he stood to leave. "Remember, you are not alone in this, and you never will be."

"I know, but some things I need to deal with on my own."

"Yes, but that does not mean you are alone."

"Good night, Wes."

"Sleep well, Willam."

*******

Buffy listened to Riley's snoring, as she got out of bed, hoping she would not wake him up. No matter what, she couldn't get the events to stop replaying inside her mind. The idea that this Fred character had done something to Spike while under the influence of withdrawing and going through his detox, started to take form. Could it be that she had taken advantage of Spike in some way?

She stepped into the babies' room and walked over to stand beside Molly's crib. Her hair was the same color as her brother's, but her eyes were green like hers. The little girl inherited her father's cheekbones and nose. To be honest there was little resemblance of her in either of her little ones; they looked more like their father.

Next, she moved to watch her son as he slept. It always amazed her how he looked just like his father even more so in his sleep. He would scrunch up his nose the same way while dreaming and rub his face into the blanket. Her mind made up, she decided she would listen to what Spike had to say.

The initial shock having worn off and she started to remember everything that had went on around her today. Angel's quickness to come to the aid of his cousin, and then Cordy's being there and asking her to give Spike a chance to explain. This Wes fellow, implying that Spike needed her forgiveness to move on was the final straw.

It all added up that she was the key to Spike finding his way back to being whole again. She wasn't sure if she wanted that responsibility, but then could she look her children in the face one day and lie that she had not done everything possible to help their father. Would they forgive her for keeping them from him, lying to them?

"No, they wouldn't." She whispered having made up her mind.

She knew Riley wasn't going to like her decision, but she didn't care. It was time all the lies stopped. They would have to plan a trip the Iowa to talk to his family and let them know the truth as well. They deserved an explanation in person, and she was prepared to take the brunt of the badness that would come of it.

It will be hard having Spike back in her life, and some feelings would need to be resolved quietly. She would make it known, she loved her husband and would honor her vows to love, honor, and cherish. The one thing she would never tell a soul, was the fact she was still in love with the father of her children.

*******

"No! I won't allow it." Riley growled, "You are not going anywhere near him without me."

Buffy took a deep breath to keep from yelling, "I'm just going to talk to his doctor right now. He will only talk if I'm alone."

"Let our lawyer deal with it."

"'And what about Ryan and Molly, will they deal with it if they find out in the future that we lied to them through our teeth? What example would that set for them? What if they come to find out about Spike later in life and come to love him and hate us for keeping them apart?" Buffy explained, she sat with her head in her hands. "I thought long and hard about this all night. I then put myself in their place."

"And what did you come up with?" Riley asked sarcastically as he glared at her.

She looked up and met his glare with tears in her eyes, "I would hate me and you for keeping the truth from me about who my father really was. The truth always has a way of coming out in the end. I'm thinking about what is best in the long run. It might turn out that he doesn't want to be a part of their lives."

"I don't have to like this, and I think in the end they would understand. He doesn't deserve this, not after what he did to you that day." Riley said, as he leaned forward. "You do what you have to do, we will talk more after you have your meeting with this Wes."

"I know how hard this is for you, it's not easy for me either." Buffy reassured him as she reached out to cup his cheek.

"I love you, Buffy."

"I love you too!"

"We will get through this together."

"Yes, we will, I promise."

Buffy knocked on the hotel door that possibly would lead her to some answers. That would maybe give her the ammunition to protect her family from him truly entering and disrupting their lives.

To say she was shocked with how young this doctor looked when he answered the door would have been an understatement. It threw her for a loop and raised her suspicions.

Wesley recognized the look and said, "I take it you are surprised that I'm not some older version with horn rimmed glasses, dressed in tweed, and looking in need of assistance of my own."

Buffy immediately relaxed hearing the humor in his voice. "Well, I have to admit I was expecting someone more mature looking."

"Ah, it's the mature that gets them every time," Wesley teased, as he opened the door and asked her, "Please come in, I took it upon myself to order some tea and cookies if you don't mind."

She could see how this man could have won the trust of Spike and his family. Either he was a charmer at the height of his game, or a true nurturing human being that really wanted to help a man get his life back together.

"Please, sit and make yourself as comfortable as you can. I am not here to judge you or tell you what you should do. I'm just here to assist both of you anyway I can to talk about what happened a little over a year ago, but I have to say my priority is William's well being."

"I understand." Buffy replied as she took the seat by the window.

"Before I get started, is there anything you wish to ask before hand?"

"I hope he doesn't expect me to come back to him?"

Wesley sighed as he looked at her with sad eyes and say, "Actually the exact opposite, he expects you to ask him to leave and never come back, I think he's preparing himself for just that."

"And the children?"

"He wants very badly to be their father, but doesn't think he could be as good as a father as Riley. Maybe I had better just say this now. Between his father and Fred, together they've stripped him of any real self worth. I'm not sure he will ever find it again, he is not here really to find closure for himself, but for you. His thoughts and plans during this journey to find you was he didn't want you thinking he meant what he said about your mother."

"Please, I have a hard time believing he didn't mean what he said to me that day."

"Mrs. Finn, or can I call you Buffy? I'm sorry I should have formally introduced myself earlier, Wesley Wyndam-Pryce, you can call me Wes if you'd like."

"Wes, Buffy would be fine."

"Buffy, he does not remember much of anything during that time. What he knows is what he has read from Miss Burkle's journal and what others have told him. You see she kept a rather precise journal concerning her time spent with William and none of it is pretty. She was a rather sick woman that unfortunately no one realized it before she ruined his life. He gets pieces here and there, mostly when he dreams, and I question how much it really his memory or nightmares of what he read."

"What has that got to do with me?"

"It has everything to do with you it would seem. She used her influence and knowledge with the help of illegal substances, and legal medication to take advantage and make him believe you did not love him, but was using him. She used the fact that she was there and you weren't to warp his sense of who loved him and who didn't. She managed to separate him from his friends and family. She made him believe, they would take her away from him if they found out about their relationship. She was able to manipulate herself into the position of being his salvation. She used a few hypnotic tricks to plant ideas in his head."

"How can I help him?"

"By just giving him a chance to apologize for the hell he put you through since that day he told you he didn't love you." Wesley said and then suggested, "Maybe if you tell him he didn't do anything wrong, he might start to believe it."

"Where is Fred now?"

Wesley bowed his head and sighed, "She's dead, killed herself soon after the birth of their daughter."

"That poor little girl, her mother's dead, and her father ignores her." Buffy felt angry, not understanding how Spike could not love his daughter.

"William has his reasons, and if you decide to view his side you might have a better understanding concerning his feelings toward his daughter." Wesley politely reprimanded the young woman who was being quick to judge.

"I'm sorry I just have a hard time believing a parent could ignore the fact their child needs them."

"You took it upon yourself to keep your children's father from knowing they existed, so who are you to judge?" Wesley countered. "You made a decision based on your feelings at the time, so what makes him less human? If I'm not mistaken you even turned your back on your friends that have done nothing but worry about you and wondered if you were even alive all this time."

Buffy realized he was telling the harsh truth. She was no better then him for running and hiding the truth from everyone, including her best friend, Willow. Leaving them all behind, so she wouldn't have to deal with Spike's rejection of her and the lives they had created.

"I have something I would like you to read. Fred had left all of her belongings to Spike, and thank God she had. If she hadn't I never would've found her journal and figured out just what it was I needed to put Spike on the road to a possible real recovery. I've blackened out the intimate parts, but bare in mind she used those times as her secret weapon to strip him down and rebuild him to meet her needs." Wesley warned her as he handed her a very thick stack of papers.

"What is this?"

"Photo copies of her journal, William at first didn't want you to read it. But after yesterday he's not so sure he could tell you everything in person that the journal could tell you more clearly. I have to tell you he was rather shocked you asked to talk with me."

"Really?"

"He expected never to hear from you."

"I love my husband."

"I believe you."

"Do you really believe that Spike can be a father to the twins?"

"I think he is already a great father, for he is thinking about their welfare before his."

Buffy felt the tears threaten as she whispered, "He always said his child would always come first and will always know he loves them."

"I will let you in a little secret. I think for him to love Abby, that's his daughter's name, he needs you to forgive him, so he can forgive himself and then find it in his heart to forgive Fred for what she's done. It's like the domino effect, all it takes is one domino to start the breaking down of walls one builds around themselves to keep the world at bay."

Buffy smiled sadly as she realized he was right, "I will try and do my best, and maybe reading this will make it better."

"Take it one day at a time, and if you have any questions feel free to call me anytime."

"Thank you!"

"You're very welcome."

"No, I mean thank you for being here for him."

"He is very special to me."

"Do you love him?"

"Not in the way you think, I've been with him for 13 months, and he's come to be like a brother to me. You can't help but care about him."

"Yeah, he has a way of just worming in and before you know it he's in your heart." Buffy giggled.

"My girlfriend, Kate is great at understanding it as well. He sort of did the same with her."

"He's lucky to have you taking care of him, you have a gift with people." Buffy complimented him.

"Thank you, and please remember it is not pleasant reading I just gave you. If any point you wish to stop and let me tell you the condensed version let me know."

"No, I think that I will suffer through and read it all, how better to understand what this witch did to him, to us."

"My door and phone is at your disposal anytime."

"I will remember that."

"Is there anything else I might be able to help you with?"

"Do you think you can refer me to someone for couple counseling, not for me and Riley as a couple, but how to deal with the prospect of Spike being a part of the twins' life?"

"I will make some phone calls and see what I come up with. I have a few connections that can help me find someone near by and the best at their job."

Wesley walked her to the door and bid her farewell. He knew he'd be seeing her again soon. He could tell that she did love her husband, but her heart was still in love with someone else.

*******

The tears fell as she read how the night Spike had called her all looped up on drugs was the night this bitch had violated her man. By the time she was done with just that portion she wanted Fred back alive just so she could kill her herself.

The more she read the harder it was to hold Spike responsible for his actions. It became apparent that it was the shit that crazy, so-called doctor had planted in his brain.

Riley became concerned when he noticed the tears running down his wife's face. "Buffy, leave it, don't read anymore."

"I have to, you don't understand what she did to him, God Riley it's unspeakable what she did to his mind. How she abused him."

"I find it hard to believe she abused him."

Buffy became angry and thrust the papers, "Here, read it for yourself, read how she raped him. She raped his body, his mind, and soul."

Riley kept from rolling his eyes as he took the papers from her and began to read. His medical training and military training did nothing to prepare him for what he was about the read.

"Holy shit!"

"Yeah, read on, it only gets better." Buffy said sarcastically.

"Dear, lord, Buffy I can see why he has a hard time with accepting his daughter."

"Yeah, you can say that again. I'm not sure I should've let you read that."

"No, don't worry it's safe with me, I would never do anything to add to his pain and suffering."

"I understand why he needs me."

Riley closed his eyes as he realized something as well. He would never doubt his wife's love, but he knew she was still in love with Spike. The words on the paper in his hand made him realize that for some reason he now had what really belonged to another man. Spike's chance of being with the woman he loved, and who had given birth to his children ended up stolen from him.

"I know I do, I understand perfectly why." Riley sighed, wondering if he would be able to stand letting her go.

"Riley, I'm not going to leave you for him. I've made my life with you now."

"You and me, it's based on a lie. You came with me believing he didn't love you, that there was no future with him."

"I will honor our vows. I do love you."

"But you're in love with him."

"Riley, don't do this."

"Buffy, I understand, I really do."

"No! You don't, it would seem. I will do what I can to help him, within reason, to find what he needs to move on, if he wants to be a father to the twins, I won't stop him. I will not leave you to go and live with him. We might be able to become friends, but that is all."

Riley in his heart knew that she was running from her true feelings, afraid to trust that kind of love she had with Spike again. He would play along for now, and see where things go, but prepared to let her go if need be.

"I think we've read enough for tonight, don't you?" Buffy asked, as she took the papers out of her husband's hands and placed them on the desktop.

"Yes, more then either of us wanted, but needed to know."

"I can't even imagine what he's gone through." Buffy said as she followed her husband into their bedroom.

"I can." Riley said as he turned to look at his lovely wife and explained. "I would be devastated beyond reason to find out I lost the woman I loved this way. To find out another man has shared with her the things that should have been mine would be like a stake in my heart and someone was grinding it deeper every time I thought about it. Knowing another man was playing father to my children would eat me up inside."

Buffy began to cry as she saw the true pain on Riley's face and in his voice was telling her. "I don't know what to do, I really am at a crossroads."

Riley gathered her in his arms and said truthfully, "Follow your heart, Buffy, it won't lead you astray."

"It did once."

"Did it now? I don't see it that way. I see it was true, it knew to trust him, and he didn't betray that trust, it was taken from both of you. That bitch stole both of your lives, not just his. She stole from your children their real father and the chance to have spent their first six months of life with him. She stole something from me as well; she stole from me the time that I could have used to get over loving you, not that I regret the time I've had with you."

Buffy tears flowed as she broke down and sobbed causing Riley to lift her up and carry her to their room. There he placed her on the bed, crawling up along side her, letting her wrap her arms around him and continue to cry against his chest. His tears mixed with hers as they fell asleep holding on to one another.

*******

A/N: I wish to thank everyone that has stayed with this story. I hope you keep the faith.

"So, how did it go?" Xander asked, watching with pride as his wife walked around rubbing her very pregnant belly.

"It was hard on him finding out Buffy had been pregnant when she left." Angel explained to his friend and band mate over the phone.

Xander whistled softly, getting Anya's attention, "Buffy had Will's baby?"

Anya's eyes grew big as she plopped down on the chair as she waited patiently for her husband to get off the phone. She prayed that William would be strong enough to handle all of this.

"Twins."

"Wow, twins!" Xander sighed, feeling his heart grow heavy thinking about what William had missed.

"Yeah." Angel replied and then changed the subject by asking, "what's everyone doing to pass the time?"

"Sitting on pins and needles waiting to hear from you guys. Tara is meditating and doing that thing she does to send William strength. Oz and Willow are with Seth and little Ally waiting to hear more so they can ask about Buffy and if they can see her. Penn is wondering when his mentors are coming back." Xander rattled off as his wife blew him a kiss. "My wife is blowing you kisses."

"Tell Oz and Willow I will ask Buffy about contacting them once things settle a bit." Angel promised wanting to close his eyes, make a wish for everything to be okay and have it come true. "Tell Anya, back at her."

"Tell boy wonder we are here for him and all he has to do is call and I'm on the next plane out."

"I will do that." Angel sighed, wishing they were all here right now, giving his cousin their support.

"Hey, if only we knew then what we know now, ya know."

"Yeah, I know, but what's past is past, we just need to try and salvage the future." Angel replied, wishing he'd been a better cousin and noticed what Fred had been doing all along.

"We will, wait and see. He will come out of this stronger in the end, you mark my words." Xander's voice sounded confident, having never faltered in his belief that his friend would beat this.

"I'm glad we have you, Xan-man. You are the loyal soul that keeps us believing."

"You betcha, tomorrow is Oz's turn to call for the update and be the morale booster."

"I appreciate everything you guys have done."

"Hey it's what family is for, and family sticks together."

"Tell Anya I said hey and hope little Harris is not giving her too much trouble."

"I will, buddy, give Cordy a kiss on the cheek and tell her it's from me." Xander said with a teasing smile and wink toward his wife.

"I will do that." Angel laughed, knowing his girl would then give him a look, roll her eyes and say, "Damn, he just has to invoke my nightmare of that day in kindergarten when he kissed my cheek and I had to wash my face to get his cooties off."

"Have the washcloth close by." Xander chuckled, knowing what she would do.

"Take care man and be talking to you soon."

"You too and tell William I'm in his corner no matter what."

Both men hung up the phone with sad hearts. They knew that it was a long shot that William's dream would come true and he'd get the girl of his dreams this time. But, then it had been a long shot the man would ever play guitar again after slashing his wrist thirteen months ago, but yet he could still play just as good if not better then before the injury.

*******

Hearing a knock at the door, Wes opened it, wondering if it was Buffy coming to talk. To his surprise a man, fitting the description William had given him of Mr. Finn stood before him. He could tell the man was extremely nervous.

"Can I help you?"

"Are you Wesley Wyndam-Pryce?"

"Yes, may I ask who might be?"

"Riley Finn, Buffy's husband."

"Mr. Finn, please come in." Wesley stood aside and ushered him in.

Riley walked in the room with his hands in his pockets, feeling more nervous then on the day that Buffy had become his wife. He knew there was a chance the man before him would not tell him what he needed to know, but it was worth a try.

"Mr. Finn." Wesley said as he started to ask why the man was here.

"Riley, please call me Riley."

Wesley could see that the man was nervous, and wished there was something he could do to help him to relax. "You can call me Wes or Wesley."

"I know you must be wondering why I'm here."

"Yes, it has crossed my mind." Wesley replied, sounding curious and not at all upset.

"I'm not here to cause any problems, you see I'm a doctor myself, I'm enlisted with the Army right now. To be honest I'm not sure why I'm here exactly." Riley sighed as he glanced away.

Wesley wondered if Buffy had shared a part, if not all, of what he'd given her of Fred's journal with her husband. He was sure if she had, it was for a very good reason and in his client's best interest. He would give her the benefit of the doubt for now.

"Riley I will advice you as I did your wife to seek counseling for you both. I'm really not at liberty to discuss this matter with you."

"I know, I just wanted to meet you, to get a feel that you're on the up and up." Riley explained as he walked over and stared out the window. "A part of me wants to ask him to leave and never come back. Another part wants me to bow out, let him have his family, the one that is mine only because of what happened to him. Then the third is to offer what assistance I can but keep my family intact as much as possible."

Wesley got the answer to his question, she had let him read the journal, "I take it she let you read the journal?"

"She was so upset while reading it, I got a bit angry. So she then wanted me to understand his pain and made me read it. I promise it stays with me no matter what, I would not betray him like that." Riley promised, his voice shaky with sadness.

"I would say to let time take its course, and that it's normal to want to ask him to leave, to protect those you love. It also shows that you are a good man, to even consider, backing down. Either way I cannot advice you, but I have gotten some high marks of recommendations concerning a Dr. Walsh who practices not far from here. I strongly encourage you and Buffy not to make any rash decisions until you've talked to someone. If you'd like I can place a call to Dr. Walsh to see if she can fit you in. I hear she has a military background so she would be easy for you to investigate."

"I have heard about her. She takes on some of the more difficult cases for us." Riley explained, feeling glad he came here today. "Buffy was right, you're a nice guy. Loyal to Spike, yet fair."

"May I ask that in the future you refer to Spike as William, he's not comfortable with that moniker any longer."

"Sure, no problem."

"Good, now is there anything further I can do for you?"

"Just tell William I will not stand in the way of him being a father to his children if he wishes. But I will continue to be an important part of their lives."

"I'm sure he will be happy to hear that and will want to meet with you in the future to discuss it further."

"I will meet with him anytime he is ready, no rush."

Wesley walked over to the desk and wrote down the information concerning Dr. Walsh. He then turned and walked back to where Riley was standing, handing him the information.

"Here is her number, so you don't have to look it up if you both decide to go and see her."

"I will talk to Buffy about it tonight."

"Does she know you were coming here today?"

"No, but I will tell her."

"Good, secrets right now are not good."

"Never planned on it being a secret, just didn't want to cause her any unnecessary worry."

"But remember we are talking about a woman." Wesley replied in a teasing manner.

Riley chuckled, feeling relaxed as he said, "You're right, I think it's time I go and face the music."

Wesley looked thoughtful for a moment before saying, "I would not sugar coat it or present with flowers and candy. I don't think Buffy is that kind of woman."

Riley couldn't get over how much the man understood his wife, having just met her, "You have her pegged. How do you do that?"

Wesley smiled shyly as he answered honestly, "I just have a knack at reading people, it's a part of what makes me good at what I do."

"William's lucky to have you."

"I will pass on to him everything you have said, and I thank you for your kind words." Wesley said as he held out his hand. "I must say it was a pleasure to have met you. I just wish it could have been under less stressful times."

Riley accepted the handshake with a firm grip, "Same here."

Wesley walked him to the door and took sometime to think about the man's presence here today. He knew that Riley was just another victim caught up in the fallout of what Fred had done. Buffy's husband was a good man with a good heart and Wesley was glad this was not one of them damn reality shows with him as the judge.

*******

"So he came to check you out, did he?" William chuckled nervously, "Can't say that I blame him."

"No, can't say I do either."

"He said he'd not prevent me being a father to my son."

Wesley felt bad not telling his client and friend the truth about the twins as he replied, "Correct."

"So she let him read the journal."

"It think she made a sound decision, she will need his support after all."

"Yeah, she will." William said as he stood and walked over toward the window with his shoulders hunched looking defeated. "I think I'm ready to leave now."

"Would you like to explain that statement?"

"She knows the truth, now."

"And?"

"She has a good life here."

"Go on."

"She and the boy will be better off with him."

"I think you should talk to her first."

"No, I've decided, its best I move on and just leave her alone."

"I think it's not only your decision to make now she knows the truth."

"But I think it is. I'm choosing not to be a part of my son's life and let a normal bloke with no fucked up issues be the role model he needs."

"I think you are afraid to face her."

"Not so much at facing her. I'm afraid I will not be able to let her or our son go if I talk to her or meet him."

"Give it some more time, don't rush and make any hasty decisions."

William looked over at the man who'd been with him, helping him find his place in life again over the last thirteen months. The first few months had been hell in just getting through the detox from the alcohol, drugs, and Fred's manipulations, the rehab needed on his wrist, and getting him to step out of the house. The rest of the time until now was finding Buffy, getting back into playing with the band as a real functioning member.

"I think I'm going to go for a walk and clear my head."

"Do you wish some company or do you want some alone time." Wesley asked, knowing the man would refuse his company.

"Alone time."

"I will be here if you wish to talk."

"I know."

William walked out the door and headed to the elevator. He was at war with himself on what to do. The need to do the right thing for Buffy and their boy was the most important thing plaguing his mind. It was just hard for him to believe that he would even come close to being what they needed.

*******

"You went to see Wesley?" Buffy asked her husband trying not to get angry.

Riley knew his decision to meet the man was a good one, but going behind his wife's back had been a very bad one. He prayed she would understand where it was he was coming from.

"Yes, I know now I should have told you before I went, but at that time I didn't take the time to think about it."

"Why?"

"I needed to meet the man taking care of Spike, for my own peace of mind after reading that woman's journal." Riley explained as he sat down at the table across from Buffy.

"And what do you think?" She asked, understanding his reasoning. "And just for the record, I do understand, don't like how you went about it, but I do understand why."

"I think he's very good at what he does and that Spike, I mean William, is lucky to have him."

"I agree, and Wes is supposed to give us some a few numbers to some people we should talk to."

"I have someone he recommended; her name is Dr. Maggie Walsh. I haven't met her personally, but she has done some work for us in the past."

"Do you want to call and make an appointment to meet with her?"

"I would, do you mind if I do it, I know my schedule and we can get someone to watch Ryan and Molly."

"Okay, let me know when and then I will let Wes know. I think I might want to talk with Dr. Walsh before I meet with William."

"I'll call her right now and see what can be worked out."

"Great, I'm going to check on the kids and be right back." Buffy replied, since it had been awhile since she had laid them down for their nap.

Riley picked up the phone and dialed the number, feeling relieved it had gone better then he had expected when he told Buffy he'd gone to visit Wesley.

"Dr. Walsh's office, this is Jasmine. How can I assist you?"

"Yes, my name is Dr. Riley Finn and I was wondering if I could speak with Dr. Walsh."

"Most certainly Dr. Finn, hold the line please."

Riley waited on the phone for only a few seconds when someone picked up and said, "This is Maggie Walsh, Mr. Finn, I've been expecting your call."

"You have?"

"Yes, a Mr. Wyndam-Pryce alerted me you and your wife may be calling. He was hoping I would be able to fit you in as soon as I could."

"He's a very thorough man."

"Yes, his reputation is impeccable and well respected. So when is a good time for you?"

"I'm off this Friday, I know it's very short notice."

"Hmm, how about 1pm on Friday then? I would like to meet with you and your wife first and get an idea of why you need my help. Then we can work out the rest and if any single sessions might be needed."

Buffy walked in at the time and Riley replied, "Let me make sure it's an okay time with my wife, can you hold for a moment?"

"Yes, no problem."

"Honey, how about this Friday at one?"

"Great, I can have Barb come over around noon."

"Friday at one will be fine. Did he tell you anything about why we would be coming to see you?"

"No, not a word, other then it would be something in the field I'm researching at the moment."

"Researching?"

"Yes, I'm constantly trying to learn more about second family dynamics and how the family units are not like when we were growing up. It's more common now that the children do not live with both parents and have step parents in the role of their mother or father. My goal is to help as many of these families become well adjusted functioning units that grow together and not apart."

"I see, are you working on a book?" Riley asked cautiously.

"Not one you'd find a Borders or Barnes and Nobles but hopefully in a classroom full of medical students. I'm all about education, not money, Mr. Finn if that answers your question about my ethics."

"It does and thank you for telling me."

"Believe me; my first priority will be helping you and your family." Maggie reassured him.

"Then we will see you on Friday."

"I'm looking forward to doing what I can."

"I hope you can."

Buffy watched her husband as he hung up the phone and gave her an encouraging smile, "Friday at one, and she seems like a nice lady and might be who was need to talk too."

"Great, let me call Wes and let him know I will call him Friday when we get back."

"Okay, baby, I'm going to go and cut the grass before Mr. Harper calls the city on us." Riley said as he gave her a wink and swatted her behind gently.

"You do that Mr. Finn, last thing we need is a visit from the city because of some over grown grass." She teased as she went to get the number out of her purse.

*******

William sat on the e park bench and watched as a father played with his young son. At one time being a dad was one of his biggest dreams. Now it was one of the most painful times in his life. One baby made him cringe at the thought of seeing her, which saddened his heart greatly. The other one was in a better place without him in it.

The more he thought about it, he could only think of one thing to do that would help them both. He knew Giles and Jenny would probably disown him for what he was about to do. The little girl needed a good and stable home where she'd never find out about her mother's fall from grace and her father's inability to look past how she was conceived. Adoption was the only answer he could think of.

As for Ryan, he could remember seeing how Riley had been holding the baby. It screamed protection, love, and good father material. He trusted Buffy enough to realize she'd never have someone that close to her and their boy and not trust him. Riley Finn he could say with all honesty was a good man, someone he'd feel comfortable raising his son.

A song came to mind as he began to hum, then he began to sing softly

Yesterday,
All my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're here to stay,
Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Suddenly,
I'm not half the man I used to be,
There's a shadow hanging over me,
Oh, yesterday came suddenly.

Why she
Had to go I don't know, she wouldn't say.
I said,
Something wrong, now I long for yesterday.

Yesterday,
Love was such an easy game to play,
Now I need a place to hide away,
Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Why she
Had to go I don't know, she wouldn't say.
I said
Something wrong, now I long for yesterday.

Yesterday,
Love was such a easy game to play,
Now I need a place to hide away,
Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Angel stood behind the man he loved like a brother as tears ran down his face. He could feel the pain in his cousin's voice as he sang, longing for that time that he couldn't have back. He had a feeling he knew what Will was planning, and he knew it wouldn't set well with his parents.

"Want to talk about it?" Angel calmly said as placed his hands on William's shoulders, giving them a supportive squeeze.

"Are you sure you want to hear it?"

"All ears."

"Adoption for one that I know will piss a couple people off. Stepping back, and letting another man be the father to the other."

"As long as this is what you really want I will stand beside you all the way. But you have to convince me this is really what you want."

"It's not a matter of what I want; it's a matter of what's best for them. She deserves to have a life untouched by the sickness that surrounds her conception. He deserves to have someone he can look up to and advise him and be a role model."

"I think you'd make a great role model for your son, and a good father to your daughter one day. Will, what you have been doing over the last year shows how strong you are. Most men would've crumbled and fallen to their demons, but you continue to fight them. I'm so proud of the man you are and have yet to become. I believe in you."

Angel felt the shoulders underneath his hands begin to shake. He leaned down and kissed the top of his cousin's head as he said, "Like I said I will support any decision you make as long as you truly believe it is what is best."

"I'm afraid I will be like him."

"Like who, your father?"

"Liam, he hurt me."

Angel's gut told him it just wasn't the hitting kind of hurt William was talking about. "What kind of hurt are we talking about?"

William started to cry harder, giving Angel the answer, he was afraid to be true. He let go and stepped back so he could move to sit next to his cousin. The gasp of pain made him realize William mistook it for something else.

"I'm going to kill that bastard one day." Angel snarled as he sat down and opened his arms giving his cousin the choice of seeking his comfort.

William's tortured expression was all the incentive for Angel to say, "I love you no less Will. I will never believe you'll become like him. Your heart is pure and you need to realize Ethan's the bastard. He is the one with the illness, and you were his victim. I will trust you with any child I bring into this world be it male or female."

"Only you and Wes know, I never told Buffy about the vile acts he made me do."

"Your secret is safe with me and I will never leave you because of it either. I love you just as much if not more for confiding in me."

"I bet we look like a couple of Nancy boys right about now." William chuckled softly through the tears.

"Nah, their just jealous since we're both the two sexiest men in the world right now." Angel teased.

"Not with my blotchy complexion right now, I'd say I look rather not up to par."

"Will, about the song you sang just now."

"Yeah."

"Just keep in mind the saying, 'you never know what tomorrow brings'."

"Wanker."

"Cry baby."

"Hey, I'm not the only one with blotchy skin."

"You're the only one that cries like girl."

"Oh, right you're all manly holding me close to your chest."

Angel laughed as William sat up, "You just better be happy I like you."

He looked at his dark haired cousin and sadly smiled, "I thank God everyday you do."

"Let's get back before Cordy sends the hounds."

"She's a great gal, you let her slip away I'm going kick your arse."

"Buddy, I'd let you. So am I going to have to put on the body armor or are you going to think about the kids a little longer?"

"Don't suit up yet, Peaches. I think I will take what you said about tomorrow under my hat and see what happens."

"Like I said, when you decide for sure, I will be at your back."

"Well we had better go find your girl. I'm feeling a bit peckish."

"I could use a spot of tea myself." Angel replied as he tried to use a British accent.

"Don't do that again. I'm sure the Queen Mother is rolling around in the family crypt as we speak.

Angel threw his arm across his cousin's shoulders as they walked back toward the hotel with the taller man doing his best to master the accent. Thus making William groan and beg him to stop the torture.

A/N.....Again I thank everyone from the bottom to the top of my heart for reading, and an extra shout out to those inspiring me to continue with your words of encouragement. This story has taken a life of it's own, and I find I can make myself cry......

"Wesley here."

"Hi Wes, Buffy. Just wanted to let you know Riley and I have an appointment Friday with Dr. Walsh."

"Marvelous, I'm glad to hear it. I will touch base with her again and go over some particulars with her so she has some time to acclimate herself with the sensitive subject matter."

"Thank you."

After a brief pause she whispered, "How is he doing?"

Wesley knew William had given him carte blanche on talking things over with Mrs. Finn, but some things he wasn't comfortable discussing.

"He is holding his own."

"Does he want to meet Ryan, or meet with me?"

"Are you ready to see him, or let him meet Ryan?"

"I need to see him, no make that I want to see him. I need to see him and tell him I don't hate him and forgive him for hurting me. Even if he wasn't himself, I think he needs to hear me say the words."

"Have you been using the internet, Mrs. Finn?"

Buffy snorted, "How can you tell?"

"Lucky guess actually. I figured it was that or you missed your calling and should have studied in psychology instead of finer arts and teaching."

"I had some time to think about things as well. I know if I were one of my kids, I would hate that someone lied to me about whom my real father was. The truth always has a way of coming out and can hurt more from the lies told to protect then to just come out and admit the truth."

"You are correct and maybe it's best you both do meet very soon. When would be a good time for you and I will run it past William, or you could call him yourself, if you'd like."

Buffy thought on it for a moment and replied, "Can you give me his number?"

Wesley smiled feeling for the first time that something good was about to happen. "He is in room 226, and the code word is slayer."

Buffy felt faint when she heard him say slayer, "He still uses the same code word?"

"He says it's to remind him of a better time." Wesley said, realizing now it had something to do with her.

"We picked it out together. He said I was his slayer, taking care of Dru so she never came around to bother him anymore. Oh God, I failed him. I was supposed to be there to protect him and I failed."

"No, you did the right thing from what I've been told. He needed to do it on his own, it was his decision to get clean and in the past he depended on you keeping him clean instead of facing his own demons."

"But she used my not being there against him to play with his vulnerability. If I had at least came for the first week she'd never had gotten to him."

"Are you sure about that?"

"What do you mean?"

"She was determined to have him as her own. She could have still found a way to separate you. Maybe, in a more harmful way if you'd been with him physically. Would it have been easier to face this now, if she'd set it up for you to walk in on them having sex. No doubt in my mind she would have found a way to come between you and William. She was that far gone in her delusions, but still in touch with reality enough to have pulled it off.

Buffy took a deep breath as she replied, "Thank you for everything you are doing for him, and taking the time to help me, and my family. Talk to you soon."

"You are most welcome." He replied before hanging up the phone.

Wesley sat on the bed and thought about all he had gone through over the last year and a half. First finding out his father was dying of cancer and waiting to hear what the doctors gave as a prognosis. Just two days after his father's death he received a call from his boss, Lilah Morgan.

"Wyndam-Pryce residence."

"Wesley, is that you?"

"What can I do for you, Lilah?"

"I need your help desperately."

Wesley rolled his eyes, biting off the sarcastic remark that came to mind. "What troubles are you finding yourself in that would have you calling me so soon after my father's death?" Finding it hard to control his anger at what he was hearing. "Now is not a good time Lilah." He growled as he hung up the phone.

His mother, Constance, walked into the room soon after he'd slammed down the phone and asked, "My dear boy why are you so angry?"

"I cannot believe the nerve of her to call me now about a case she feels needs my attention."

"Son, remember you father dedicated his life to helping those in need. He of all people would understand if you had to go."

"I know, but it's the fact she called."

"Wesley, dear, do you think maybe she called because she thinks you are the best one to help reach and help this person in need?"

"I don't want to leave you alone at a time like this."

"Oh, my dear, sweet Wesley, I've been preparing for this day since you father told me he was dying. I have my sisters to keep me company if I so desire. I have the garden that needs my attention. There is a phone at my disposal to call and check up on my son, or so he can use it to check on his mother. Your father was so proud of you. He had people calling him complementing him on what a fine doctor you'd become."

"You are sure you will be alright if I left so soon?"

"If you can help this person then yes I'm all for you going."

"It is rather delicate, and it will take a good amount of time to help him if I decide to take it."

"I have faith you will do the best that you can, and that is all anyone can ask."

"Have I told you lately that I love you?"

"Not since yesterday, you are slipping."

Wesley laughed as he leaned down and kissed her cheek, "You are one cheeky old lady."

"Well I had to be to put up with your father, you know. He was not always the settled old man you came to know. Took me some time to get him to realize I was the woman for him."

"Not how he tells it, it's not."

"Oh, you men, now off with you and I will see about getting a flight arranged. Tell me where you are flying off to."

It was not soon after that he was on a plane for the states. He'd also gotten a call from Eric Stewart, telling him how sorry he was to hear about his father. Then graciously thanking him for taking the time to come and help with William. The moment he walked in and looked at the faces of the Giles' family and then William he knew he was taking the case. His mother had been the one that sent him on his way.

Wesley chuckled as he reminded himself to call his mother in the morning when he got up. She had come out to visit him a few times and had fallen in love with Sunnydale, California. Threatened a few times to sell the family home and move there, especially if he and Kate married and started a family. He was sure that soon he would have to make some decisions concerning his future, but for now he was content where he was.

*******

William heard the phone start to ring as he unlocked the door. He rushed over to the desk to pick up the phone.

"Hello."

"William?"

"Buffy?"

"Yeah, it's me."

"Is everything okay?"

"We, Riley and I, are going to see someone Wesley recommended."

"You are, that's great."

"I think we need to talk face to face before I go." She said, having found she didn't want to wait and see Dr. Walsh first.

"Why?"

"I need to tell you something I think you need to hear." The need to tell him she forgave him was begging to be said.

"Bad or good, something?"

"I think good something, but I don't want to say it over the phone. I want you to hear it from me in person."

"I will see if I can get one of the little meeting rooms here at the hotel. Call me back in, say, 10."

"Okay, will do, and don't worry I promise it is of the good stuff, not bad."

"I will try, but not sure if what might be good for you might be bad for me."

"William, don't imagine anything, just know at last we get to talk."

"Call me in 10."

*******

"I don't know if I can do this?"

"Will, you can do it. I'll be right outside waiting for you, we both will." Angel promised.

"Yep, both of us sitting right there." Cordy said as she pointed at a couple of seats just down the hall from the small conference room the hotel let them use.

"She told me not to think about it, that is was good what she had to say."

"Won't know until you march your ass in there and hear what she has to say." Cordy said with a wink before kissing his cheek and taking her fiancé's hand leading him toward the chairs, "remember we'll be right here."

William turned and walked to the door, separating him from the one thing he wanted, but would never have. She was everything to him, and soon he would have to try and forget that and move on. There had to be someone else he could settle down with, Buffy did.

He opened the door and walked into the room. The first thing he noticed was her face, gone was the open adoration that used to be there whenever he walked into a room. Now all he saw was what looked like pity. He couldn't help but wonder if that was what she had to tell him, how much she pitied him.

The first thing she noticed was the sadness that radiated from him like thick molasses. Gone was the bouncing energy that once kept him vibrant and so full of life. The need to hold him and try and find that man again overwhelmed her, as she moved forward with the intent to do just that.

"Buffy?"

"Shush, just let me hold you for a little while." She cried as she wrapped her arms around his neck and held him close. "I just want to bring her back to life so I can kill her myself. I hate her for what she did to you, to us."

He tried to keep the tears at bay as he embraced her pulling her closer. Hearing her, feeling her, her scent so unchanged, it broke the dam. His legs gave out as he dropped to his knees sobbing, taking her with him since she wouldn't let go. They ended up on the floor with her in his lap with her legs wrapped around his waist as they held each other in a death grip and cried.

"I'm sorry, so sorry I was so weak. I'm sorry I hurt you like that, never would I hurt you like that on purpose, never." He was able to say after some time as the tears started to lessen.

"I know, baby, I know. She's the only one to blame here, her. You weren't weak, baby, never. She took advantage of your vulnerable state and used it for her own evil means. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, to protect you, like I should have." Buffy reassured him, letting him know who she blamed for all of this.

"No, Buffy, it's my fault, I had the problem that caused it all."

"No!" She leaned back and took his face between her small hands and said, "look at me, you did nothing wrong here. You said you don't remember much from that time, do you know why?"

"I just remember bits and pieces and I'm not even sure what is real memory or not. I only know what I've read in her journal. She wrote it down what it was I was supposed to have said. Did you read that part?"

"Yes."

"Did I really say those words to you, and say what I did about your mother?"

Buffy nodded her head yes, unable to say the word. The pain of hearing him say it still hurt, even knowing what she knew now.

"God, Buffy. You must hate me."

Her eyes grew large as she hurried to shake her head no and say, "I don't hate you, I did at first but I don't now."

"Now you pity me." His voice sounding dejected.

"No, I don't pity you or feel sorry for you. I hurt for you and for us." She said reaching around taking his hand and placing it over her heart. "You are still in my heart."

"I never stopped loving you, never." He said as he removed his hand from her chest and cupped her cheek, "I'm sorry for everything. I keep thinking my love should have stopped her from doing this."

"This is real life, not some Nora Roberts romance novel, baby. She used her knowledge, skill, and other gifts, to do a Manchurian on you, sounds like she should have worked in the government. I forgive you, even though I don't think you did anything wrong. Can you forgive me for not being there when you needed me the most?"

"Buffy, luv, there is nothing you did wrong, nothing. God, only knows what she would have done if you'd been there. I never would have forgiven myself if she'd had harmed you in any way."

"Then let's agree to place the blame where it belongs. Dr. Fred Burkle is the one responsible." Buffy said as she leaned into his hand. "Can you forgive me for not telling you I was pregnant?"

His hand traveled to the back on her head as he pulled her closer. He leaned in to kiss her forehead as he sighed, "A small part of me is angry, but the rest understands and accepts you found someone that can give you the normal life you and the baby needs."

"I think I had better clarify something while we are on the subject of baby. I didn't have one, but two babies, I had twins."

"Twins, as in boy, boy or boy, girl?"

Buffy softly giggled," Boy, girl."

"Ryan and?"

"Molly, and I can see you in them, other then Molly having my green eyes they both look just like you."

"Which one is older?"

"Ryan by a whole 5 minutes, and let me tell you Molly came out screaming. I think she was mad her brother cut her off at the pass."

"How old are they and when were the born?"

"They were born on July 17 at 1:10 and 1:15 in the morning. I was in labor for 12 hours and 48 minutes making them 6 months old."

"Is he a good father to them?"

"Yes."

"Does he treat you good?"

"Yes."

"Do you love him?"

"Yes, I do love him, not the same as how I love you."

"You still love me?"

"Yes."

"Would you hate me if I decide to not be involved in their lives?"

Buffy looked thoughtful as she asked, "Why don't you want to be a part of their lives?"

William's tortured expression said it all as she pushed her fingers up and into his hair as she leaned her forehead against his and looked deep into his eyes and said, "You are their father and I want them to know you. Meet them and see if you still want to walk away then."

"That's what I'm afraid of, it not being able to do the right thing if the right thing would be to walk away if I saw them, let alone held them in my arms."

"Why would you think the right thing would be to walk away?"

"So they're not touched by the ugliness."

"Nothing about you is ugly. Just you being here right now demonstrates to me what a strong man you really are. I want them to know their father. I think you'd make a wonderful father if you want to be."

"I want it, I really do."

"Then give it a try, I don't think you'll regret it." Buffy smiled, praying that maybe if she got him to accept the twins, it might help him accept Abby as well.

"I'm scared."

"So am I, I'm thinking that's the first trait needed to being a good parent, is being afraid you'll fail them."

"Do you plan on having more kiddies?"

Buffy sighed as she answered, "Riley can't have children of his own."

"Oh! I'm sorry to hear that." She could hear the sincerity in his voice.

"Would you like to meet them this Saturday?"

"Are you sure you want to do this without talking to the doctor on Friday?"

"We are meeting with her on how to raise them with you involved. I don't want to raise them with lies, they have a way of coming back to bite you in the ass."

"I want to be a part of their lives."

"Then be a part of their lives."

"Would you be upset if I moved closer to them?"

"No." She lied, but not really.

The fact he'd be closer didn't upset her, as much as it made her wonder if she' d be able to handle seeing him with another woman. She knew that was being hypocritical since he was dealing with her being married to someone else.

"Are you sure?"

"It will be awkward at first for both of us, but I think it's something we can come to manage. The children's needs have to be considered, and the closer you are to them, the stronger the role you can play in their lives."

"I did get a few books out of the library a few days ago."

She smiled as she leaned back, dropping her hands to his shoulders and asked, "What kind of books?"

"Everything you need to know about handling a baby. From diapers, teething, feeding schedules, to appropriate toys for ages under one years of age."

"My, it's not your usual reading of poetry before bedtime." Buffy smiled as she started to realize the intimate position they where in.

William knew the exact moment she felt his erection; it had been so long since he'd been with anyone, not since Fred. The look of discomfort on her face made him withdraw into himself, shifting her away from him as the disgust at not being about to control his desire for her took over.

She put her finger over his lips before he could apologize. "Don't apologize for wanting me."

He tilted his head and watched her take her time, trying to get the words right. He knew she had to be embarrassed and was going to tell him how wrong he was for letting his hormones take over at a time it should have.

Buffy was surprised how much she wanted him right now. The tingle that shot through her body was intoxicating, when she felt his arousal against her. So much that she almost began to add friction to the fire. The sudden thought of her husband had saved her from acting on her impulse.

"William, don't let this keep us from trying to be friends. I know it might take us sometime to learn to accept we can no longer be lovers, but I think we can at least try and be friends."

"I will always love you."

"And I will always love you, but I'm married now and honoring my vows is very important to me."

"I understand. I promise I will never put you in a position to keep you from honoring them."

Buffy smiled as she moved to stand so she could give him what she brought him, "I have a little something for you."

William smiled softly as he wiggled the life back in to his legs before attempting to stand. "Really, what?"

"I took some videos of the bundles of energy and put them on a disk. It works in most DVD players and thought you might enjoy seeing them in action."

He reached out and took the couple of disks giving her a teary smile, "Thank you, I can't wait to play them."

"I need to get home it's close to dinner time."

"Thank you for everything today."

"You're welcome, and I have to say thank you as well."

William looked at her with that lovable confused expression that always melted her heart as he asked, "What do you have to thank me for?"

She walked over and gently stroked his cheek, "For not hating me for stealing your children away."

"Buffy, I could never hate you, never in a hundred years could I ever come close to hating you. My greatest fear is I will never find anyone that comes close to the way I love you."

"Don't give up on finding someone that would break my heart even more, then if you did find someone to share your life with."

"I will just need time. I think before I can even think of looking I need learn to depend on myself."

"Do you want to walk out together?" She asked him, as she prepared to leave.

"No, go on, I need a few minutes before facing Peaches and Demon girl."

"Okay, I will be talking to you soon and will be looking forward to seeing you on Saturday." She replied, fighting the urge to throw herself in his arms, forsake her vows and take back what was hers.

She walked out the door feeling like she was leaving something very important behind. He watched her leave knowing he'd never find anyone else to fill the void in his life. That he would be growing old lonely and alone.

Two anxious looking people met Buffy, when she came face to face with Angel and Cordy. She expected them to give her the cold shoulder and demand to know what she had done to Spike.

"How is he? Should I go in and check on him?" Angel asked worried, the love for his cousin evident in his voice and expression.

"He said he needed to have some time before facing Peaches and Demon girl." Buffy offered with a reassuring smile. "I think it went well and he has a couple disks of the twins with a tentative meeting set up to see the kiddies on Saturday."

She watched as Angel visibly relaxed, "Thank the powers that be. I was so afraid he was going to just walk away."

Buffy gave him a concerned look and asked, "Care to explain?"

"This afternoon, he told me he planned to put Abby up for adoption and to leave here and let Riley play father to the twins. I wasn't sure if the talk we had changed his mind, but I'm glad for whatever did change it."

"So you will support him if he chooses to stay and be their father?"

"I will support him in any decision he makes as long as it is truly what he believes is best and not what he thinks best." Angel said, letting her know he was with his cousin 100 percent.

"I really should be going, but I would like to spend some time with both of you soon." Buffy told them, hoping they'd want to as well.

"I think that would be a great idea." Angel replied.

"Me too, but can I have a word with you in private, just some girl talk?" Cordy asked while giving her man a reassuring wink.

"Sure, walk me to my car?"

"Lead the way."

"Buffy, don't break his heart or lead him on. Be very careful for you still own his heart and soul. But I think you already know that, so the real mission I'm on is to give you this." Cordy said as she handed her a thick envelope. "It's from Willow and Faith, you do remember them, don't you?"

Buffy became defensive as she took the missive from the other woman and answered sarcastically, "Yes, I remember them perfectly."

"Well no one would have guessed since you didn't leave a note or let them know you were okay. Do you know that Willow worried you had ended up somewhere hurt or dead. She loved you like a sister and this is how you treated her. I can see hiding things from William, but not to trust Willow to keep your secret, well it was like stabbing her in the back is how I look at it. We all were worried sick about you until the private investigator found you and told us you were alive and living the married life on the east coast."

"I didn't want to put her in the middle."

"But instead you left her out in the cold worried and wondering what she had done to make you think so little of her. You're Seth's Godmother for Pete's sake."

"I'm sorry."

"Honey, it's not me you need to say it to, it's the two women who thought of you more then a friend, but more like a sister." Cordy eased her words with a warm hug. "Nice thing about it, I think they both will forgive and take you back if you send pictures of those sweet babies and beg them to come and visit."

"I don't know, you don't know how many times I reached for the phone to call either of them."

"Then this time, pick up, dial, and speak." Cordy winked, "Well gotta go, going to drag William up and make him show us baby pictures and pig out on pizza and wings."

"I'm glad he has all of you."

"It was rough at first, but we've worked it out. I think you have some things to work out as well."

"I don't know what you mean."

"I think you do."

"Cordy, I'm married now, and Riley is a good husband."

"Just put this in your bonnet and think on it, is he the one? Is Riley the one that makes you scream when you're angry, or does he even make you angry? Do you know when he walks into the room without seeing him enter, or know when he's looking at you that special way? Does he make you tingle in places that no one else should make tingle? Is it fair that you stay married to a man because you don't want to break your vows of marriage? These are things you should ask yourself when it comes to figuring out if Riley is the one you want to grow old with and honor until death do you part."

"Cordy, please don't do this?"

"What, make you think outside the box you've put yourself in? Buffy is it fair to Riley that you stay married to him out of loyalty and not because you love him, honor him, and want to forsake all others before him. Does he make you feel the passion? Do you make love or just have sex? You could be keeping him from finding what you know you could have again. I'm just saying you should consider the answers to these questions while you think about what it is you really want out of life, what you deserve out of life, and Riley too." Cordy explained as she looked at Buffy with nothing but understanding and warmth. "I just want to make sure you don't run and hide anymore. Face the music and be able to live your life to its full potential."

Buffy knew what she was being told was true, but right now she didn't want to deal with it. So instead she nodded her head yes and turned to return home to her husband and children with the belief that right now it was the best thing to do.

Cordy watched her leave and prayed the woman would wake up from her denial. That one day soon, she would realize she was hiding behind Riley and the safe vows of marriage. She truly believed that Buffy and William belonged together and one day Mrs. Finn would wake up and smell the coffee.

Hi, first I wish to thank whoever nominated me on the poll. I've never been nominated for something before. THANK YOU! And for those of you who have hung on, I promise it's about to get interesting.....


Buffy sat in the study and stared at the envelope. Not for the first time did she feel the regret of totally cutting her friends out of her life weigh heavy on her heart and mind. Now in her hands was the evidence of that mistake.

She reached over to pick it up and started to open it slowly. Inside she found two folded up letters with what felt like pictures inside. She closed her eyes and chose the one she'd read first.

Dear "B"

You know it now stands for bitch. Sorry, but I'm pissed at you and yet hope you call me after you read this. I hate you and I love you, but most important I miss you. I kind of know why you did what you did, but it still hurts and is hard to understand.

I went to see him, to kick his ass for making you leave the way you did. But, after seeing him, all messed up I didn't have the heart to kick a dog when it was down.

Just so you know, Robin is doing well, and has a few words to say to you as well. The only problem is he wants to say them to your face. He's not happy that I'm making first contact; he thinks you should be the one.

I hear you hooked up with Dr. Finn, and he's the one you ran away with. I hope you both are happy. I'm not sure how I feel about Spike, or should I say William. Robin stills calls him Spike and I see the blonde boy wonder cringe every time. The man is a shadow of his former self.

Inside I sent a couple pictures so you could see the new me. Maybe it will give you an incentive to call me and congratulate me on a job well done.

Your friend always, like it or not

Faith Wood.

Buffy sniffled as she then looked at the pictures, three exact. The first one was of what appeared to be a home bought pregnancy test, with a big plus sign in the middle. The second one was of Robin with a big grin on his face and daddy written across the bottom. The third and last one had Faith standing to the side, with her hand on her rounded tummy with a content smile on her face. Across the bottom was written, 'proud mommy to be'.

"Oh, Faith, I'm so happy for you." Buffy cried as she hugged the picture close to her chest.

*******

"Look at how adorable." Cordy laughed, as they watched the video of the twins sleeping in the nursery after they were born.

"I think they're ugly, they look like little old men." Angel teased.

"Shut up you, they are the most gorgeous babies alive." William growled playfully as he ate up the screen watching his children for the first time.

They laughed and teased as they watched the video and pictures being displayed chronologically of the twins on the TV screen. Everyone noticed, but didn't mention the fact that Riley had been missing. Buffy would be seen and sometimes heard, making it obvious that the silent portions, must have been shot by Riley and the commentary muted.

"Hey, look, action footage." Cordy waved at them to be quiet. "Oh, look how the baby's laughing as the swing is going. Angel, I want one of those, not two, just one to start off with."

"Marry me, baby and you can have as many as you want." Angel winked, and then sighed when the last of the documentary of the young babies lives came to an end.

"How about New Year's Eve?"

Angel smiled as he nodded his head yes, "Sounds like a great way to bring in the New Year."

Cordy noticed the melancholy look that came over William as she moved to sit next to him and say, "I want you to give me away."

He looked at her with a shocked expression and found himself unable to speak. The stunned blonde looked over at his cousin to see what he had to say and found the big brute smiling.

"Are you sure?" He finally found his voice and asked.

"Yes, you are the closest thing I have to a brother, and since my parents disowned me, you are it, the only other choice for me." Cordy answered as she lay her head on his shoulder, "besides, Peaches there figured it would kill two birds with one stone."

William became confused as he again looked over at Angel with a questionable look on his face, "Care to spill, cuz?"

"Well, I figured you can be the one to bring me my future, and then stand beside me and be my best man while me and Cordy exchange our vows."

William looked from one to the other, smiling. "I would love it, as you said, it would be a lovely way to bring in the New Year."

"Great, I was thinking about having you wear a dress."

"No, no, dresses. No razors will touch my pretty legs, and it would be too much torture to wax them. Then you also have the problem of me upstaging the bride on her special day. I mean, all the men would want me and the women would wish they could look like me."

Cordy laughed until she cried, "Oh, William, I do love you so, only you can make me laugh until I'm about ready to pee my pants."

He jumped up and gasped in mock distress, "That is just, gross, honestly, Peaches, can you make her wear a diaper or something."

Angel sat and watched two of the most important people in his life banter and joke with each other. His heart told him it would only get better, but he knew he'd have to warn his parents of the possibility that Abby would be placed for adoption.

A part of him thought it was wrong, where the other part agreed with his cousin's reasoning. How could a child grow up and live with the knowledge her father couldn't love her like she deserved because of what her mother had done.

*******

Buffy started to cry, as she picked up the letter she now knew would be from Willow. The one thing she knew without a doubt before reading it was that her best friend would forgive her. She understood their friendship would never have the same sense of closeness, but Willow would still be her friend.

Dear Buffy

First off let me say I'm disappointed in how little you thought of our friendship. Okay now that's off my chest I can tell you how much I have missed you in my life. There has been so much I wanted to share with you but couldn't. Why? Because, I didn't know where to find you.

I worried and worried you'd done something horrible. Even if my heart told me you'd never hurt yourself like that, but my mind keep whispering other things. It reminded me that I never thought you'd runaway without telling me goodbye, but you did.

Seth misses his Godmother, and so do I. There has been an addition to the family since you've been gone. Seth has a baby sister, Rebecca. Yes I have me a set of Irish twins, how about that. So much for the rhythm method, but I can't say I regret it. She's beautiful and Seth loves being big brother. His first word was Sissy, can you believe it. Oz is having a great time playing the proud papa bear.

Oz and the band is doing very well, which I'm sure you know, or maybe you don't? I'm thinking maybe you dropped out of the music scene all together. I mean if you'd drop your friends to avoid Spike, then I'm sure you haven't kept up with the band's success.

I want you to know I want my friend back. I know it will take us some time to work out the issues, but I want to at least a chance to try. I can understand the hurt and pain you went through to drop everything here and move on like you did. Do you love Riley that much, or was it he was right there to pick up the pieces?

I know, don't ask. But I just need to hear your voice telling me you are really okay. I'm just a phone call away and a plane ride will get me there pronto if you say the word.

Oz sends his love and wishes you would come back into our lives. I so want Seth to know his Godmother and Rebecca Elizabeth to meet you. I sent a couple pictures for you to look at, and don't mind the subliminal messages not so hidden throughout.

Love and miss you

Still your bestest friend in the whole wide world

Willow

Buffy lay her head on the desk and sobbed, hearing Willow's voice reading to her as she let the words to the letter filter in her brain. She had done her best not to think of what she had done when she'd left. How she must have hurt those that never would've turned their backs on her or betrayed her whereabouts. The fact of the matter was she knew if she'd kept in contact with them it would weaken her need to stay away from Spike.

After a while, she sat up picking up the pictures, amazed at how much Seth had grown. His hair was a blend of his parents, but his eyes were just like his fathers. His smile belonged to his mother, a perfect blend of both his parents.

Rebecca was the cutest little bald headed baby she'd ever seen. Her big green eyes sparkled for the camera as it captured the perfection of a happy baby. The next one was of both children wearing tee shirts with, 'call mom', on them. Then came the nice little family shot, showing how Willow's hair had grown, and Oz looked nothing but proud. The last one, again a family photo, had the kids wearing their tee shirts, and Willow and Oz wearing theirs that read, 'call us'.

*******

"Giles residence."

"Hi, Mom." Angel greeted his mother.

"Angel, how are you?" Jenny asked, as she watched her husband play with the baby.
"I'm great, Cordy finally set a date."

"She did? Wonderful, when are you both getting married?" The excitement in her voice made him happy and yet sad.

"Congratulations, son." Rupert called out as he tickled his great-niece, making her laugh.

Giles and his wife found it hard to comprehend how William could hold this innocent child accountable for her mother's actions. She was a sweet angel and such a good baby. He also realized he was not William and would never truly understand, having not walked in his shoes.

"New Year's Eve is when." He told his mom, and he smiled hearing his father's comment in the background, and Abby laughing as well.

"How's William?" She asked.

"He's dealing, and I have to warn you he is doing some heavy, hard thinking about Abby's future."

"Really, is he ready to see her?"

"I'm sorry Mom, but no, it's more of him thinking that she never knows him is more like it."

"Angel, talk to me, what is he thinking?" She asked, as she sat down knowing already what he was going to tell her.

"Mom, I hope you understand why he would think about putting her up for adoption."

"Adoption, he would really want to do that without ever holding her."

"Mom, his reasoning is having her grow up loved and untouched by her mother's sins."

"So she would never know her father and would be separated from those who love her." Jenny's voice filled with anger toward her nephew.

"Mom, Wesley warned you both this could happen. That once Will, started to heal and look at things he could wish not to keep the baby. He was even talking about never meeting the twins and making sure they never knew he was their father. Something about keeping them protected from the ugliness."

"You say he was talking about it? Has something happened to change his mind about the twins?" She asked sarcastically.

"Yeah, he talked to Buffy, and she gave him pictures."

"Oh, so they are good enough for him to meet and get to know? While, this sweet baby has been waiting for him to acknowledge her birth."

"Mom, try and see it from Will's point, I understand where you're coming from, but I understand his feelings too. Maybe I made a mistake with telling you, but I thought you should know what he's thinking."

"I guess I should tell you, we've been talking to a lawyer about getting legal guardianship of her anyway. Maybe we will see about adopting her instead." Jenny fumed.

"Mom, I know you mean well, but think about it. How do you explain to her when she's older why her father didn't want to keep her?"

"We will come to that bridge when and if we come to it."

"Oh, that bridge will come, it will happen. How will she react finding out her mother conceived her while raping her father?"

"Angel, really, I know Fred took advantage of his condition, but to call it rape?"

"Mom, you really haven't listened to Will and Wesley at all have you? If not for the drugs she used, on Will, he never would have slept with the woman. She had him so high and stung out he doesn't remember much of anything. I tried to tell Will you needed to read her journal; he won't let me read it. But Wes had no problem telling me that Fred chemically, mentally, and physically raped my cousin, your nephew. Yes, Abby is an innocent victim, but so is William. The problem is William is learning to deal with what happened to him, Abby has a chance at a fresh start." Angel explained, knowing he was being brutal in his explanation.

Jenny started to cry as she looked at Abby's smiling face, "But she is just a baby."

"A baby that reminds him of a time he was taken advantage of, abused, and violated. Wesley says that for Will to handle things with Abby, he first must come to terms with his own feelings about what was done to him and the price paid. He finds out that Buffy left carrying his children, and is now married to someone else, who is raising them as his own. I’m so proud of him, not once has he fallen back to the bottle or the drugs. He's let me in finally, and I think he'd let you in too if you'd not push him about Abby. Love him like he deserves to be loved, no matter if he decides to be Abby's father or not. He needs you, Mom, not your judgment of him."

Jenny stood quietly letting her son's words sink in. Slowly she realized that was what she'd been doing ever since Abby had come to live with them right after she was born. She had been judging her nephew by her standards of being a responsible parent and not taking in consideration his circumstances. Until Angel had be direct with using the 'R' word, she'd never really thought about how Abby's birth truly affected William.

"No, Angel you were right to call and warn us. Even more important was you telling me how you honestly feel. You are right he does deserve our unconditional love and support. I think I will call him tomorrow and ask him how he is, and only bring up Abby if he asks about her."

"I think that would be great, and I know he misses not talking to you and Dad like you guys used to."

"I'm glad he has you."

"Did I tell you that Will is going to give Cordy away, be my best man, and wear a dress?"

"Angel, William in a dress?"

"Going to try and get him to catch the bouquet and everything." Angel did his best to keep from laughing.

"I will tell your father, dear." Jenny giggled.

"I love you both."

"Goodnight, honey and I will call you soon."

Jenny hung up the phone sighing as she turned to her husband. "William is going to give Cordy away, be Angel's best man and I think wear a dress."

"I hope you are kidding." Giles looked at her with his eyebrows raised and a look of fear on his face. "About the dress that is."

Jenny shrugged her shoulders and replied, "You never can tell with those three."

Giles nodded his head and smiled, "No, you can't. I heard you mention adoption and lawyers."

"Be a dear, and get Abby ready for bed, I'll make us some tea and then we can sit and talk." Jenny suggested.

"Must be serious." Giles expression became determined, "I will tell you now I will not give her up to be sent to a house full of strangers."

She gave him an understanding smile as she said, "Let's get the little one off to bed."

Jenny watched as her husband gently cradled Abby to his chest. For the first time she questioned if they had been right in making William let them take the baby into their home. She knew it was going to be hard to let her go, and even harder to choose between her William and Abby if it came down to it.

*******

Wesley startled awake at the loud knocking on his door. He looked at the clock and noticed it was three in the morning. He reached grabbing his glasses and putting them on as he got out the bed.

"I'm coming." He said when the knocking resumed.

"Please, hurry."

The young doctor hurried and put on his robe and walked quickly toward the door. The desperation he heard in William's voice concerned him.

"William, what's the matter?" He asked as soon as he opened the door, noticing the red eyes and anxious look on his face.

"The dreams are back, and I hate it. I hate her. I hate what I've done, I hate me!"

Wesley opened his door and motioned for William to enter, "Tell me what about the dreams make you hate so much."

Wes watched as William walked over to the corner of the room and slid down the wall. The shadows made it hard to see his face, but the way he wrapped his arms around his legs and huddled was not a good sign.

He walked over sitting down on the floor in front of the tortured young man, and patiently waited to see if the man would answer the question asked of him. He could see by the shaking of Will's shoulders he was crying.

"I dreamed I liked what she did to me, that I craved her to make it hurt worse. Then my father takes her place and tells me I'm like him and the more it hurts the more I like it. That I will be just like him no matter what I do. Then she comes back and makes me beg for more, telling me we belong together." William explained, his voice ragged and sad.

"Did you like what she did to you?"

"I can't remember what she really did to me, I really can't."

"We could use hypnoses and try and bring back your memories, if you do have any, to light."

"Not sure I can deal with what they might reveal."

"Could be it's what you need to be free from all of this, knowing the truth, no matter how harmful. It might be better then trying to live with the what ifs."

William whispered, "What if I remember I wanted her to hurt me, that I craved her to do those things to me?"

"We would have to ask that question, if indeed you find out that is true. I will be honest William; I think if you wanted what she did, you'd not be so conflicted about it. I think with you not remembering and reading her words and not knowing how it affected you at the time is what's eating at you."

"I'm so afraid, I don't know anymore what is real and what is not when I dream."

"Maybe it's time we tried to open the window and let the truth come out. I think you're punishing yourself in your dreams for not being stronger. For not standing up to your father, and for being weak and falling into the life of drugs, alcohol, and being taken advantage of by someone that you should have been able to trust. In the long run you're letting them win, and you shouldn't. You, William, from what I've read from Fred's journal, and the year that I've been your doctor and friend, believe with all my heart you didn't want what Fred or you Father did to you." Wesley said, hoping he was ready to take the next step.

"Sunday, can we do it Sunday?" William asked, "I want to see twins first on Saturday, and then we can do the mind meld thingy on Sunday."

"I will have everything ready, and you come to me when you are ready." Wes felt encouraged, "and by the way, I think you are doing a great job here. I'm very proud of you and how far you have come this week."

William looked shocked as he replied, "I've come far, in what way."

"You came to me tonight, I didn't have to question you about the tired look of not sleeping. You've made decisions on your own, and so far you have handled things very well. Not once have you mentioned the need to have a drink or want to find something to help take the pain away." Wesley explained with a proud look on his face, since he sat in the soft glow of the bedside lamp.

"What about her, I'm thinking of putting her up for adoption?" William asked cautiously. Still, unable to say Abby's name aloud.

"As long as you truly believe that is the best thing you could do for you, then so be it. It is not a bad decision, William, as long as you are sure that is what you want to do."

"It will make Jenny and Giles disown me."

"They were warned of the possibility when they took on her care. It could be they will fight to adopt her themselves."

William sighed, "I hope not, it would defeat the purpose of giving her a chance to be free from all of this mess. I want her to have a nice family, a mother and father that can look at her and love her unconditionally. I want her to be wanted, no whispering behind her back that her father hated her and her mother was the reason."

"Do you hate her?" Wesley asked, since this was the closest the man had come to mentioning any emotion associated with the baby.

William looked up and said, "I don't know, and I don't want to know."

Wesley could see how William truly didn't know how he felt about Abby. "Let's see how things go on Sunday, then we can talk more about it. Just know I will support whatever decision you make as long as you are sure that is what you want to do."

"Thanks, Wes."

"You're very welcome. Now, if you don't wish to go back to your room, there's the extra bed here you can sleep in."

"Do you snore?"

"Kate tells I'm not too bad. How about you?"

"Buffy said it was more like a purr." William whispered, "I want her back. I want her and our kids, and I want more babies with her. I want me and my Goldilocks to be a family."

"I know you do."

"But they are dreams that no hypnotizing will make better or come true."

"No, it will not. Take one day at a time, William." Was all Wesley could say, he was sure if Buffy was truthful to herself, she'd see that it was what she wanted as well. Like he'd told Riley, he could read people very well, and he knew that Mrs. Finn was still in love with her babies father. "Get some rest, tomorrow is another day."

William stood up and made his way to the other bed. All he could think of was that during the last year he'd found someone he could trust with his darkest secrets. Wesley had turned out to be not only a great doctor, but a good friend as well.

*******

Giles sat stunned as his wife repeated what their son had told him. He had a different understanding concerning William now. No one had used the word rape before when describing what Fred had done. They had softened it by always using the words 'taken advantage of''.

"I had believed, or maybe lived in denial, that the sexual nature of their relationship was consensual. I never let myself think that she'd somehow forced the sex to happen." Jenny explained.

"He had to have known he was having intimate relations with the woman." Giles exclaimed, as he took off his glasses and cleaned them a bit harshly.

"Remember the mess we found him in. It all makes sense now, it really does. If she had not used those drugs would he have slept with her? Did she warp his mind into thinking it was what he wanted, when they had sex. Oh God, Rupert, that bitch raped our boy." Jenny started to sob, as her husband pulled her on his lap.

"We will get through this, sweetheart." Giles tried to console her.

Jenny pulled back and whispered, "You don't understand, he thinks we will choose the baby over him. We've judged him while wearing our blinders. I understand now, looking at it from Will's point of view, he is trying to do what is best for her, for Abby. You see, if she is adopted she has a chance to grow up with a clean slate, nothing about her mother or father's past will touch her. He has to live with it all for the rest of his life, including the part of giving up his own daughter."

"So, you will support him putting Abby up for adoption?" Giles sighed, wondering if he'd be able to agree to it.

"Rupert, think about it from William's point of view. Would it be fair for her live in the shadow of what Fred has done to this family? I don't think I could let my boy walk away from me while I raised his baby, the baby that would remind him every day of something that cost him everything. His self-respect, his future with Buffy and their kids, gone by what that monster had done." Jenny, knew soon he'd come to see it her way.

"You don't think we could protect her from it?" He asked, not wanting to give up the baby that melted his heart.

"Who do we tell her William is? How do we explain why he wants nothing to do with her, being family and all? Can we really walk away from him when he needs us too, maybe even more then Abby does? Will he think we abandoned him? As much as I've come to love her, I'm not sure we'd be the best parents for her. I'm not sure Anne would forgive me for forsaking her son when he needs me the most." Jenny tried to make him see her reasoning and understand where she was coming from.

"Let me sleep on it. I need some time to think it all out in my head." Giles sighed.

"Take whatever time you need. You don't have to agree, just try and understand the why of it all."

"I will try. I promise you this, my love, no matter what I decide I will make sure that William knows that I love him. Maybe I should make sure I tell him that tomorrow when we call."

Jenny hugged her husband and said, "Thank you for that. I think he needs to hear us tell him that."

"I have faith this will all work out for the best." Giles sighed, his heart already breaking at the prospect of losing that little one upstairs.

"I pray to God everyday you're right."

"Let's go to bed, Abby will have us up at the break of dawn." Giles said before he kissed his wife and led her upstairs to bed.

Thank you for hanging tough with this story....it has taken on a life of it's own.....

Buffy sat at the breakfast table as she fed Molly her cereal. Ryan sat on her other side as Riley quietly fed him. Her husband had become withdrawn after she told him about her meeting with Spike and that he was going to meet the twins on Saturday.

"I have an errand to run this morning." Riley suddenly said, causing her to look over at him with a worried expression.

"Okay, remember we have the meeting with Dr. Walsh this afternoon." Buffy reminded him, not realizing how the seemingly innocent comment would upset him.

"How can I forget that?" he asked sarcastically.

"Riley, talk to me."

"Why, you made the decision to have him meet them on Saturday without talking to me. I think, just maybe, I should've been involved in that decision. Could be it would have been more appropriate to have met with Dr. Walsh first." He explained, as he continued to feed his son. "I mean, technically I'm still their father."

Buffy felt the tears come to her eyes, wondering how everything became too complicated this past week. "I'm sorry this is happening."

"Are you Buffy?"

She stared at him with a shocked expression, as she replied, "Excuse me?"

"Are you sorry he found you?"

"Riley, I've told you, I'm committed to this relationship." Her voice was tight, as she tried to keep her anger under control. "What more do I have to say to make you believe that?"

"I really need to go take care of something." Riley replied, ignoring her question, not having an answer for her.

"Can I ask where you're going?" She sighed, fighting the tears.

"I need to speak to Spike myself, and before you say anything, it's something I need to do." Riley said, as he finished Ryan's feeding by wiping the baby's mouth. "I promise I won't do or say anything that will upset him."

"It could upset him by you just coming to visit." Buffy warned him.

"Well, I guess if he plans on being a part of the twins lives, he needs to get used to dealing with me." Riley surmised lifting the baby up so he could use the excuse to burp him to cuddle the infant.

"Riley, do all of us a favor and try not to deal with him, but maybe interact instead." Buffy offered up her voice firm surprising both of them. "I will not let this become a pissing contest. It's not fair to Ryan or Molly, and not something I think William is up too, in fact I'm sure he would run before trying to come between us."

Riley noticed the pained expression that briefly crossed over her face. He was sure she hadn't shared everything about her meeting with her ex-boyfriend, and wasn't feeling comfortable to call her on it. Something told him deep down she would leave him, but only if he pushed her to.

He sighed leaning against he counter with Ryan's warm breath on his neck, "I will do my best, Buffy, that's all I can promise."

Riley watched as she slowly nodded her head and said, "That's all I, or anyone, can ask of you."

*******

William sat in the courtyard reading one of the books he'd bought on childcare and parenting. The more he read the more he wanted to meet the twins. Also the more he read the more he wanted something better for her. He knew once he called her by her given name it would make her real, and a part of him knew he was not ready to deal with her just yet.

Riley stood off to the side and observed the threat to his happiness as Spike read a book on childcare. He watched the different expressions cross the other man's face and felt the urge to go over and tell him to leave and to never come back. He knew it was wrong, he knew that Spike deserved to know his kids. Knowing it still didn't shut out the voices inside his head that screamed that he was in danger of losing everything that was important to him.

William suddenly felt like someone was watching him, as he glanced up from his book and noticed Buffy's husband staring at him. He felt the animosity the other man was directing toward him, could see it in the other man's eyes and on his face.

A part of him wanted to lash out and strike it from Riley's face. Thinking to himself, how dare the man think he could have what belonged to him, Buffy included. The other half whispered that Mr. Finn was a better man for the job of husband and father.

Riley fought back the urge to walk over and order the man to leave, but instead took a deep breath and moved to do as Buffy advised. He would do his best to make nice with the man that broke his wife's heart and try to find a happy medium they both could work with. Especially since the truth was, Spike was not the one truly at fault as he'd thought.

William continued to sit, working at keeping his anxiety under control. The last thing he needed was to have this man try and come between him and his children. He knew before he'd let it become an issue, since he'd hurt Buffy too much already, he would leave.

"Mr. Finn, please come take a seat." William offered, as he closed the book and waved the other man over to join him.

Riley relaxed a bit as he walked over and took a chair across from Spike, "Please, call me Riley."

"Can do that, please call me William." He replied, feeling like he was acting like Giles, all pomp and circumstance.

"I think we both know why I'm here, William." Riley decided to get to the point. "I think if you are going to be a part of my family's life we should get to know each other better."

William felt like he'd been stabbed in the heart, hearing the man talk about Buffy and the kids as if they belonged to him. He felt his heart start to race, as he fought a battle that was going on inside his brain at the other man's implied words.

"So, what is it you want to know?" William decided to calmly try and find out the man's intentions before he possibly over reacted.

"Do you think you could be a better father then I can?" Riley asked, not caring right now if he was right or wrong in asking the question. His basic instinct of protecting what he deemed his, was taking over.

William flinched having his own question of the week asked aloud by the one man he believed was better suited for the job of fatherhood. "I don't know, I've only found out a few days ago, but would like a chance to try."

Riley's temper flared as he replied, "You have a daughter you ignore, but you want to come and take mine."

William felt like he was drowning as he replied, "I will not speak of her to you."

"Why not? If you can't be a father to her, how can I trust my kids to be in your care?" Riley knew this was not how he had wanted it to go, but for some reason he couldn't stop himself.

"It's different, and I can't expect you to understand that it's different." William tried to explain, since before this moment he never realized how much he did want to see the twins. "Can I ask how you know about her in the first place, it's not common knowledge I have any children."

"She is just as important as they are, and you should know that. She's a gift, a miracle that you should hold close not something to put aside because of the circumstances of her birth." Riley sat back and watched how the other man squirmed in his chair. "I still have friends that come to the club where Buffy used to work. It was overheard in passing that you had a secret daughter that was being kept under wraps."

William was finding it hard to concentrate, as he flashed back to when he'd first read the part of Fred's journal were she wrote how she'd prayed she was pregnant after she'd raped him that first time. The words had penetrated his soul, making him feel dirty and unclean. It had taken him several weeks before he could pick up the journal and read anymore.

"I created them with Buffy, they are my blood. I'm sorry, but I will be a very active father in their lives, and there is nothing you can do to stop me. As for any other children in my life or not, is none of your concern and I wish you would tell your friends to not pass such information about so candidly. You have no idea what I've been through and frankly, I don't want you to know, it's none of your business. If you wish to be a part of their lives, I cannot and will not stand in your way, unless you do something to prevent me from being in theirs." William had found it within himself to stand up to Buffy's over bearing husband and tell him how it was going to be. "So, either you can learn to live with the fact you will be Riley, and I will be daddy, or we will let the courts decide."

"I bet the courts will side with me." Riley countered, thinking that with Spike's history no court would let him near the twins. "I know this friend has not told anyone. I spoke with them last night and promised they will keep this information to herself."

"But will you lose Buffy in the meantime? Do you think she would let you turn this into a pissing contest, and not think of what is best for her kids? I don't think so; I think she will side with me on this. So before you come in here and try and intimidate me, don't." William felt a bit of his old self emerge. "As for you friend, I have no other choice but to believe you."

Riley realized he might have made a tactical error in dealing with Spike and leaned back in his chair, "You think you know Buffy that well?"

William leaned forward and smiled, "More then you must, if you think she'd let you keep me away from our babies. She knows what it's like to have a parent abandon their child, both of hers did. She knows I'm not perfect. She also knows I wouldn't abandon them, and before you say anything else, remember you have no idea how I feel or don't feel about my other daughter. You don't know what I'm thinking of doing to maybe provide her with more then I could offer her, not because of her, but of the damage her mother did to both of us. I don't hate my daughter, Mr. Finn, in fact I love her. Even having yet to see her face or hear her laugh. I don't know what she smells like, but I want what is best for her, to make her life more then being a product of her mother's sick obsession with me. I know her name, Mr. Finn, I just choose not to use it, fearing it would make it that much harder to let her go if I feel that would be the best thing for her. So Mr. Finn, if that is all, I must ask you to leave."

Riley smiled sadly as he replied, "William, I found out more today then I figured. I think you will make a great father and I will do nothing to stand in your way."

William looked at him with a confused look, "I don't understand?"

Riley chuckled softly as he replied, "I'll be honest. I secretly hoped you'd crumple and turn tail and run. But a part of me is happy we had this talk, and I know now without a doubt you will be a good father to the twins. You're right about Buffy as well, she would divorce me in a heartbeat if I tried to keep you away from your kids."

William nodded as he reassured the other man of one other thing, "I will not lie and say I don't still love Buffy. But I will promise you this, I will in no way try and come between the two of you and your marriage."

Riley stood up and held out his hand, "I appreciate your honesty."

"I don't want to be enemies." William said as he accepted Riley's hand and they shook, silently promising the other to try to stay on friendly terms.

"I'm sorry if I was a little rough." Riley said as they stepped back from each other.

William laughed, "I'm not, felt good to feel a bit of my temper come back. It's been along time since I'd stood up for myself, and believe me it felt good."

Riley nodded his head in a silent show of support. He'd seen some of the fire he'd noticed the couple times he'd seen Spike visit Buffy at the bar. It reminded him how the sparks would fly between the couple wondering if they were still there. He would have to pay attention when he watched Spike and Buffy interact in the future.

"Well, I should be going. Buffy and I have an appointment with a Dr. Walsh this afternoon." Riley explained.

"Yeah, Wes told me about her, says she's good at what she does." William said as he put his hands in his pockets and stared off into space.

"Would you be interested in coming with us one day, maybe?" Riley asked, and regretted it when he noticed the haunted look come over the man's face and quickly added, "As a group meeting, together."

William relaxed hearing the other man's concern and his words of support as he replied, "Will take it one day at a time and see what happens."

"Sounds fair." Riley replied feeling better having noticed that Spike had relaxed again, "Would you rather I was there tomorrow or would you like it to be just you and Buffy?"

William sighed, "Would you mind if it was just Buffy, I really don't know if I'd be comfortable with anyone else seeing how I react when I see them."

Riley smiled and sincerely replied, "No I wouldn't mind and understand perfectly. Again I’m sorry for earlier."

William shook his head as he replied, "I'm not, I glad we got it all out in the open now. Clears the air as we work on our relationship, and don't tell anyone I said that. I think I've been spending way too much time with Wesley, I need to send him off to his bird here soon."

"No problem, your secret is safe with me." Riley replied before he turned to leave.

William watched as the man who was returning to the wife, kids, and home, he himself wished was his. Taking a deep breath he reopened his book and cleared his thoughts as he got back into reading about cognitive skills of six-month-old infants.

*******

Buffy stood next the phone and felt like she and the voice box was in a staring contest. All she needed to do was pick up the phone and dial a number that she had not forgotten. She never thought there would come a day that she'd be afraid to talk to an old friend.

Finally, she picked up the receiver and dialed the number, starting with a one, and then the California area code. She had rehearsed her first words over and over until she knew them frontward and backward.

"Hello?" The soft voice answered, sounding hopeful.

Everything she had practiced went out the window, "God! Willow I'm so sorry, honest I really am." She cried as she sat in the recliner and curled up with her knees to her chest.

Willow's tears mixed with hers as the both just cried for a few minutes over the phone. Buffy could hear Oz in the background comforting his wife, and asking her to let go of the phone.

"Buffy?" Oz asked, and all he could hear was another woman crying on the other end of the phone. "It's okay, I'm putting Willow back on."

All she could do was nod her head yes, even knowing he couldn't see her. Just the fact he talked to her in a friendly manner, and was putting Willow back on the phone helped her to relax. He didn't hate her was all she could say to herself.

"Buffy, I missed you something awful." Willow managed to get out between sniffles. "I'm so happy you called, means you must have got my letter."

"Yeah, and the pictures, too. I will have to send you a couple of the twins."

"Yes, you do that, I bet they are cuties."

"They look like William, except Molly has my green eyes, Ryan has his father's eyes."

"Buffy, can I ask why?"

Willow's voice sounded so hurt, it brought fresh tears to her eyes as she tried to explain, "I wasn't thinking very clearly at the time. I really wasn't in much shape to make any rational decisions. If Riley had not been there, I think I would've lost it all. He's been so sweet and loving to me and the babies."

"Why not later, when you got yourself back together?"

Buffy sighed, "I was scared you'd be mad and hang up the phone. I thought about you and yours, and Faith and Robin, every day. I just could not face the disappointment and rejection."

"I never would've told Spike anything, you know that right?"

"Yes, I knew that all along, just didn't want anymore lies or talking to anyone that I'd then become weak and ask about him. It was never you guys, it was me. I knew I was not strong enough to handle being around anyone with any knowledge of him whatsoever."

"So it wasn't me?"

"No, Willow, it was never about you, I swear." Buffy reassured her.

"So, are you going to take him back?"

"Willow, I'm married to Riley."

"But do you love him?"

Buffy felt tightness in her chest as she confessed, "I love them both, but I've committed myself to Riley. I owe it to him to give us a chance. He has been there for me and the babies and it wouldn't be right to just walk away from him."

"Okay, I will give you that. For now!" Willow replied.

"So, tell me about little Becky?" Buffy asked, trying to change the subject for now.

Willow chuckled, knowing what her friend was doing, but letting it go for now. "She is doing wonderful, you should see her and Oz. He has found a girl he loves more then me, I think."

"Never!" Buffy heard him say in the background, and Willow's giggle.

They continued to talk and catch up, sharing like they'd never been apart. Buffy felt she had someone she could finally talk to about everything, when she was ready. Willow was happy to have her best friend back, safe and sound.

*******

William heard the phone ring as he closed his door, wondering who would be calling him. He had just had lunch with the others, and Buffy and Riley was due at the doctor's office.

"Hello."

"Hello, honey." Jenny whispered, "I've missed you."

William felt the tears form, and his defenses rise, "I've missed you too."

"I needed to call and tell you I love you and I'm so proud of you." She sighed, as her tears fell down her cheeks. "I've been a very bad Auntie and I plan on making up for that."

"You've not been bad at all, and stop saying that." William whispered.

"Well, enough of that, this is going to be a happy call. Tell me about my niece and nephew. I bet they are beautiful."

"I have a copy of the disk that Buffy gave me being made to send you." William said, as he began to relax. "They're beautiful. Both of them look like me, except Molly has green eyes where Ryan's are blue like mine. I get to meet them tomorrow."

"That's wonderful, you make sure you take a camera. I want pictures of you and them together, do you hear me, young man." She laughed, feeling happy to hear the joy in his voice.

"I love you, Aunt Jenny."

"I love you bunches, and don't you ever forget that. I will never stop loving you. I'm sorry if you ever thought I would turn my back on you, it will never happen."

"But, with, everything with, well you know." His voice broke at the end, as he started to cry.

"I will support any decision you make, do you understand? I will not lose you." Jenny told him as her voice became firm and commanding, "I love you as if you were my own son."

"Uncle Giles?"

"You will have to ask him, you know how he hates for me to speak for him." She teased as she handed her husband the phone.

Giles took the phone from his wife with his free hand; the other helped secure his wife to his side. It had come time to decide where he stood with Abby and Spike. It was a decision that was proving to be difficult and heartbreaking.

"William."

"Giles."

He could hear the little boy who had won his heart since he was a baby. Since that night in the hospital and hearing some of the things his nephew was saying in his delirium angered him to no end. He wanted to hunt down Ethan Rayne and tear him apart limb by limb.

"William, I will back you with any decision you make. I'm here for you and I love you." Rupert said, as he closed his eyes and knew he had made right decision, hearing his boy's reply.

"I missed you."

"I've never been to the east coast." Giles sighed.

"I'm having Wesley hypnotize me Sunday, see what I can remember." William said out of the blue.

"Then I guess I will see about getting a flight tonight or tomorrow." Giles replied firmly adding, "and before you say anything, I will not let you face that alone. I'm going to be there for you and there is nothing you can say that will keep me away."

"I need you here." Were the only words William could say.

"Then I will be there."

"I wish you were my father, then maybe I wouldn't be so fucked up."

"Will, consider me your father, and I will do everything in my power to help you get through this. Further, more don't use that foul language again; you are and never have been fucked up. Having some issues, major ones, yes, but you are strong enough to over come them." Giles' tone told William there was not point in arguing with him.

"Let me know when to expect you."

"I will, now, I have to go pack and remember I love you." Giles replied as he handed the phone back to his wife and kissed her cheek. "I'm going to support our boy."

"Thank you!" She said as she gave him a tearful, but happy smile.

"William, honey, are you still there?" She asked.

"Yeah." She could tell he was crying and it broke her heart she was not there.

"Do you want to tell me what that was all about, or do you want me to ask Rupert? It's okay if you want me to ask him, honest."

"Could you ask him?"

"Yes, I will, now let me go and see about getting him a flight booked. I will be talking to you soon."

"How is she?"

"She is doing wonderful, don't worry about her right now. I will take good care of her until you are sure what you think is best for her."

She heard the relief in his voice as he replied, "Thank you for everything."

"Oh, my boy that is what family is for. Remember, you are important to me, same as Angel. I would never turn my back on you, believe me."

"I believe you, honest I do." William replied feeling like a ton of bricks had been lifted from his chest. "I was worried for a moment you'd disown me if I chose to put her up for adoption."

"Never! You have to do what you think is best for your daughter. I finally understand that and will support you anyway I can." She vowed to him, knowing it would break her heart to give up Abby, but she would if she had to.

"I'm sorry to have put you through all of this."

"Be done with that. We made that decision and sort of badgered you into giving her to us. We were warned, and I will never regret the time with her, never, or hold it against you if you find her a new home, with a new family."

"I do love you, more then you'll ever know."

"I don't think you know just how much we love you either, both me and your uncle."

"I think I better hang up now before I totally start balling like a baby." William teased trying to lighten the mood.

"I will be thinking about you."

"Me too, thinking about you that is." He laughed, "Talk to you soon."

"Yes, call me when he lands." Jenny said before she hung up the phone, after they said their final goodbye.

Jenny smiled as she remembered how he'd hero-worshipped her husband ever since he was a child. Giles was like God, to young William, hanging on to his every word. If only she knew then what she knew now, she would have offered Anne and her boy safe haven before Ethan scarred his sweet family's lives.

Buffy picked up the phone, dialing the one person's phone number, who she knew would not let her off so easily. Her and Faith's relationship had been rough at first, until they gotten to know each other better. The one thing she always depended on from her friend and boss, was her ability to say what she thought.

"Hello, "B"."

"How did you know it's me?"

"No one with an area code out side of LA would be calling me." Faith replied, "I guess Cordy got my letter to you."

"Yeah, and I read it too."

"I knew I could depend on you to do that, just wasn't so sure about the answering back part."

"I'm sorry!" Buffy sincerely told her, feeling that same old dreaded guilt come back. "I just wasn't thinking very clearly it would seem."

"Yeah, can't say I disagree." Faith replied as she leaned against the kitchen countertop. "about the thinking clearly part, especially."

"So much happened, and I just didn't want to be anywhere around when he came back. I sure didn't want any of the others looking for me. Then the ugliness of being, as they say, knocked up, didn't help matters." Buffy tried to explain.

"Buffy, you are talking to the Queen of Run, here. Before I found Robin, I ran too. I ran from a lot of things I now wish I would've embraced and dealt with instead." Faith snorted before she chuckled, "I'm just glad you called, I now know where you live."

Buffy felt a weight lift off her chest that so far, neither of her friends was going to turn their backs on her. "I've missed everyone, I really have."

"I bet you have, and you're feeling guilty for leaving us in the dark."

"Yes, I am."

"Good, but don't let it keep you from keeping in touch, or then I would hate you."

"You don't hate me now?" Buffy asked, dreading the answer.

"No, disappointed you didn't trust me, or Willow, but not hate."

"I trusted both of you."

Faith cleared her throat meaningfully and said, "Yeah! Right!"

Buffy quickly explained, "No, honest I trusted both you and Willow. I didn't trust myself. I knew I couldn't hear anything about Spike and be able to make things work with Riley. It all made perfect sense then, but looking at it now, it was a mistake."

"Yes, a big mistake, but one I understand more then you know."

"When everything is settled and after the baby comes, do you think you, Robin, and the baby can come for a visit?" Buffy asked, knowing the answer would let her know if they would resume being friends again.

"Don't worry, "B", we are five by five. Friendships are like all relationships when it comes working through the bad, and enjoying the good. I really hate to make this short, but we have an appointment with the baby doctor. We will talk again real soon, and you can unload on me anytime."

"Thanks Faith, God! You don't know how good it is to have both you and Willow back in my life."

"Ditto, my email is in the letter. Drop me a line and send me some pictures of those gorgeous kids."

"Will do, and take care of yourself." Buffy replied right before she hung up the phone.

She looked at the clock realizing Riley should be picking her up soon. Barb was already here and had the babies upstairs, putting them down for their nap. The only regret she had with contacting Willow and Faith was their ability to get her to face reality. The reality being it was going to be painful to watch William meet his children for the first time tomorrow.

*******

"So the old man is coming here." Angel said with a thoughtful expression.

"Yeah, told me he would be here for me."

"Good! Do you want me to be with you when Wesley does his mind meld thingy?" Angel asked, hoping the answer would be yes.

"Do you want to be?"

"Yes, very much so."

"Why?"

Angel sighed as he looked at his cousin and said, "Because I want to be there for you, be it good news or bad. We are in this together, no more macho shit that you can do this on your own."

"No macho here, mate." William chuckled, "and I would feel better if you and Giles were with me on this."

"Then consider it done. We can be the three amigos."

"Three Musketeers.'

"All for one, and one for all."

"Ponce!"

"Blondie Bear!"

"Nancy Boy with too much hair gel."

"Okay, boys, enough!" Cordy reprimanded then, trying to keep a straight face. "Trying to watch a movie here!" She scolded them as she pointed between them and the TV screen.

"He started it!"

"No, you did, Peaches."

"Well, me, I'm stopping it. Now be good little boys and watch this great movie about a man, an elf, and a dwarf." Cordy glared, hating the fact they were interrupting her watching of eye candy.

"The man becomes King you know." William mumbled, "Then the elf and the dwarf go off and live happily ever after."

"Yeah, and he gets the girl and all Frodo gets is a free ride to Grey something or another." Angel replied.

"I still say Frodo and Sam was lovers." William said, as he gave his cousin a wink.

"I think the elf and the dwarf had a thing going on too, behind Aragorn's back." Angel replied, keeping a straight face.

"Hmmm, honey do you want to sleep in Billy's room tonight?"

"Sorry, dear." Angel leaned over and kissed his girl's cheek, "I take it all back."
"Good, now shut the hell up." She growled without taking her eyes off the movie.

William leaned back in the chair and felt his eyes grow heavy. Before he knew it, he was asleep, having slept poorly the night before. Here he never knew if he was safe, some times dreaming of a better time with the girl he loved. Other times he felt threatened as he dreamed about the woman who tore his world apart.

Angel watched as his cousin drifted off to sleep. He didn't let it show, but he was worried about Sunday. The fact it needed to be done he understood, but didn't lessen the fear it could cost him this man he loved like a brother. Wesley reassured him he would do his very best to keep William safe, but that didn't ease the anxiety.

"He will do fine." Cordy whispered in her fiancé's ear. "Will you worry this much about your own children?"

"I'm afraid I might if they give me a reason."

"Good! I'm so glad to have you in my life."

"I'm more the happy you're in mine. I don't think I could've done all of this without you."

"Then I guess we make a great team."

"Yep, forever."

"Forever."

*******

Wesley reached over and picked up the phone, "Hello!"

"Wes, old chap! How are you?"

"Eric, I'm doing well, and yourself?"

"Great! How's my boy doing?"

"He is doing very well considering all he's been through the last couple days."

"I'm very happy to hear that. I worry about him."

"You should tell him one day."

"Tell him what?" Eric asked, wondering if Wesley had figured it all out yet.

"That you are his benefactor."
"There will come a time when he will ask me and I will tell him the truth." Eric said hesitantly.

"Why is he so important to you?" Wesley asked.

"He just is." Eric answered, not wanting to state true nature of his concern.

The fact that Ann Carpenter was one true love still hurt. She was in his thoughts everyday, wondering what she was doing, how she was handling married life. The first time he met Spike, he knew he was Annie's boy. He looked so much like his mother he felt drawn to the young man immediately.

He'd sat at William's bedside and listened to the young man begging his father not to not hurt him. Not to touch the man in places a son should not touch his father, or another man when unwilling to do so. He never liked the man his Annie had married, and now he had every reason to hate him.

"He's the son that should've been mine." Eric finally broke down and said. "He's too important to me to lose, and I will do anything I can to protect him."

"I think he would like to hear that, I know he thinks highly of you."

"One day I will tell him."

"Take care of yourself old man."

Eric chuckled, "I will. You take care of my boy, and don't forget to take care of yourself."

"I will. I will be talking to you soon."

"I will be paying a visit soon. I have a proposition for William."

"Oh!"

"I'm working on my new album and I want him to play a few tracks with me." Eric informed him, the excitement heard in his voice.

"He will be happy to hear that."

"I will even rent a place there, if need be."

"Eric, how are you doing?"

"Wes, I'm doing very well. I've been clean for ten years now."

"I'm happy to hear that."

"You should, you helped me when I needed it. When I fell off the wagon, you were there. My son's death pushed me close to the edge, I tittered and you helped me from falling over."

"You know you can call me anytime."

"Yes, and on that note I need to go. The wife is calling me to dinner."

"Then off with you, before she comes and yells at me over the phone." Wesley teased.

"Talk at you soon." Eric said right before he hung up the phone.

Wesley finally got Eric to express why he was so dedicated to William's recovery. He'd hoped it would've been he was the young man's father. His instincts told him it just wasn't the fact the older man had seen a bit of himself his client. In fact, his brain was still telling him that there was more to the story then his old friend was telling him.

Eric stood staring at the phone, knowing he'd only told Wesley half the truth. One day he would set down with William and tell him everything. He knew it could cost him the young man's friendship, but then again it could bring them closer. The truth was he could be the young man's father.

*******

The ride to Dr. Walsh's office started out unusually quiet and the tension thick. Buffy wanted to question how his meeting with William went. She just didn't know how to ask without possibly causing an argument.

She realized for the first time since they'd married thirteen months ago they never had any disagreements between them. He'd never made her mad, or caused her to be upset, until William came back into their lives.

What surprised her the most was the fact she didn't blame her ex-boyfriend, for them now. Nope, she questioned if it was normal, to be married for over a year and never argue. For the most part she couldn't remember a time she made him angry that she knew of.

The fact she and Spike had argued over many things, the only major one had been about his drinking and drug usage. Each time they'd yell, get it out of their system and then talk it over as they kissed and made up. She never realized how much she missed that until now, but she just couldn't see her and Riley kissing and making up like that.

Riley would sneak little glances at his wife, as he drove. He wondered what she was thinking about, looking so lost in her thoughts. Over the last year, he'd done everything in his power to make her life with him as easy as possible. He would do all he could to avoid arguing, letting her have her way. He did nothing that would make her regret marrying him, to make her want to leave.

This morning was the first time he'd let his frustration show. Something he just couldn't hide any longer. Basically, he knew they were at a crossroads in their relationship, and both of them were going to have to think long and hard what they wanted from this marriage.

"You haven't asked how the meeting with William went."

"I didn't want to upset you before going to see Dr. Walsh."

"Why do you think it would upset me?"

"Just didn't want to take the chance, is all. I just figured we'd talk about it when we got home."

"Just to let you know I didn't hurt his feelings." Riley said, much harsher then he intended.

"That's good to know." Buffy whispered, feeling uncomfortable with the tone of his voice. "I'm not sure how to react here."

"Neither do I."

"Maybe we do need to talk to someone about us after all."

"Why would you say that?" Riley asked, confused at her comment.

"Do you realize this is the first disagreement we've had since getting married? Don't you think it's unusual, for a married couple, especially with children not to argue? Most couples fight, argue, disagree, it's like a ritual of getting a balance, about learning more about the other person's likes and dislikes."

"Maybe we've just accepted each other, and until your ex-boyfriend came back into our lives we've had nothing to disagree about." Riley offered.

"I don't know. There's a lot of things I don't know about right now."

"Are you thinking of leaving me?"

"No, I can honestly say that has not crossed my mind. Just so much has happened over the last few days and my head is spinning. I feel like I'm living outside my body and this is happening to someone else."

"What did you do while I was gone?"

"I called Willow and Faith."

"Oh!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Buffy asked defensively.

"You talked to the old girlfriends, and they told your leaving like that was a mistake. So now you are having second thoughts." Riley accused.

"No, maybe, yes. I cut my best friends out of my life. I've made no real new ones since I've moved here. I have a lot I have to answer to, for the wrong I did my friends. I’m finding William is not the only one that hurt people. I hurt a few myself, and it's my own fault, not William's."

"Maybe we should just not talk about this anymore."

"Oh! Great, instead let's pretend it never came up. This conversation never happened and we are still happily married like Mr. and Mrs. Beaver." Buffy snorted, crossing her arms across her chest.

"Who?"

"Never mind! I've been watching too much TV, being the happy little homemaker."

"Buffy, why are we fighting?

"Because we are is the best I can explain it. The stress concerning William and the twins and how it's going to work. The wondering if we can make us work. I don't know, maybe we are doing this all wrong and going too fast. The fact we really don't talk, maybe we never really have." Buffy signed, realizing for the most part they never really talked about anything really.

"What are you saying?"

Buffy sighed, "I'm saying, I've been playing the part of being your wife, agreeing with all you decisions, even if I didn't agree. I cook, clean, take care of the babies, take care of you to keep myself busy so I don't have to think about things."

"Do you think marrying me was a mistake?"

"To be honest, Riley, I don't know what to think anymore. My head is spinning and I just don't know what to do or what to say. I just don't know."

"Maybe you should talk to Dr. Walsh about this?"

"I think you're right."

Riley nodded his head yes. He had one more question he wanted to ask, but was afraid he already knew the answer. He wanted to ask her if she thought she ever could come to love him the way he loved her. Would she ever be able to love him, more then she loved the father of her children.

The rest of the ride continued in silence. Neither one wanted to talk anymore on the subject. Buffy having made up her mind she would start to see Dr. Walsh separately as well, hoping Riley would do the same. The more she thought about it, she realized she had some issues she needed to deal with as well. That Will was not the only one that was carrying some painful baggage that needed to be lightened.

*******

Angel was about to leave and meet William and Cordelia in the lobby, when the phone rang.

"Hello."

"Hello, son."

"Hey, Dad, I'm so happy you're coming."

"Yes, my plane lands tomorrow at 12 noon. Do you think you can pick me up?"

"Sure can, Will, is going to be at Buffy's meeting the twins about that time."

"Good, we can have time to spend together and catch up."

"Just so you know, whatever you and Mom told William brought a spring back into his step."

"Good, I will tell your mother, she had been worried about him since talking to you the other night."

"I didn't mean to make her worry."

"She will be okay, and you did the right thing by telling her what you thought. It opened both of our eyes to what we were doing to him. The last thing I want William to think is we do not care about him."

"He knows now, and your coming here really has helped."

"Just to let you know I'm going to look up Ethan when I get a chance. It has been far too long since he and I had a much needed discussion."

"Dad, I'm not sure that is wise."

"No, it's something I need to do. I suspected he treated Anne terribly, but she would deny it. I never imagined he treated William poorly as well, just never thought he had hurt his son in that way."

"Just, I think you need to talk to Mom, or even Wesley before you do something like that."

"I will consider it. But, right now I need to go and pack. Spend some time with my beautiful wife and Abby. Give Cordy and William my love, and my regards to Wes."

"I will do that."

"I love you, son."

"Love you too, Pop."

"I hate when you call me that." Giles teased.

"I know." Angel chuckled as he hung up the phone.

Angel smiled, even if he hated the fact they were going baby shopping. His father was coming, and he believed it meant everything was going to be okay. He patted his back pocket, making sure he had his wallet, since Cordy said there was no way William was going empty handed to visit his children.

Ladies and Gentlemen only a few more parts to go....I humbly thank everyone that has kept with me on this....it means alot to me....Brat, I'm glad you came back, missed ya!!!!!


Buffy sat across from Riley in the waiting room, flipping through a magazine that held no interest. It was just something to use as a distraction, to avoid talking further with her husband. She was starting to get a tension headache as she thought about her and Riley's relationship.

Riley stood at the window, staring at nothing, just avoiding his wife who was ignoring him. He knew, as soon as they'd gotten out of the car, something had changed. She stepped away from his touch when he tried to place his hand on her lower back.

Buffy couldn't help but feel like she'd stepped into the twilight zone. The comfortable feeling she once had with Riley was gone. In it's place was a feeling she never really knew him, not really. She suddenly realized he'd been treating her with kid gloves, not as his equal. For the first time she started to worry, their relationship would not survive this.

Dr. Walsh stood just out of sight and observed the couple. She could see the tension and knew, without speaking to either of the Finn's, this would be more about their relationship as a couple.

"Jasmine, could you direct the Finn's back to my office, in about five minutes." She told her receptionist in a low voice only she'd hear.

"Yes, Dr. Walsh."

Maggie Walsh turned to return to her office. She was glad that Wesley had given her some prior information of some of the dynamics. It would help she was sure when she informed them she'd like to meet with them separately as well.

*******

Eric sat holding a photo that looked old, but in excellent condition. The eyes, he would never forget her eyes. They were the bluest, most gorgeous eyes he'd ever seen. Her sweet bee stung lips, even now still called to him. Annie Carpenter had been the first woman he'd loved with all his heart, and she still had a part of his soul.

William had his mother's eyes, and her smile. Deep in his gut he knew the young man was his son. Suspected it the first time he saw the man's picture. Felt a connection right off when they met face to fact that first time.

Things had happened between him and Annie, things that she could not forgive. Things he wished he could take back. His dance with the devil had cost him more then he had first realized. If only he could go back and change time, he never would have taken the other woman to his bed. Still today he couldn't remember the other woman's name, or what she looked like. However, he could remember the look on his Annie's face when she walked in and caught them having sex.

Now the fact his mistake could have cost him his son made the pain of what he done even greater. The fact he'd left her and their son at the mercy of Ethan Rayne made him hate what he had done even more.

"Honey, are you okay?" Linda, his wife of 5 years and the mother of his two little boys asked.

"I need to tell you something, and afterwards I will need your advice on how I should handle it." Eric sighed, deciding he'd talk it over with the one person in his life, whose opinion he trusted above all else.

"Okay, I'm all ears." She said, as she allowed him to pull her down on to his lap.

"I need to tell you about this woman." He told her as he handed her the photograph.

"She's beautiful. Do you still love her?"

Eric chuckled, knowing she'd notice how much he cared about Annie right off, "I did, and in a way I still do. But before you get the wrong idea, she passed away a few years ago."

"I'm sorry to hear that." She replied sincerely.

"Me too!" Eric's voice sounded sad as he settled in and told his wife everything concerning his past relationship with one Annie Carpenter, and how she may have given him a son.

*******

Wesley took off his glasses and gently pinched the bridge of his nose. Several books lay scattered about his room, as soft classical music played in the background. He was taking sometime to brush up on Fred's journal, looking for any clues he may have over looked. He wanted to make sure he was ready come Sunday, when he helped guide William through his time with Fred.

He was sure Fred was just the tip of the iceberg. His inner voice told him, William's father, had set the groundwork for her to work her way into taking control of the young man's life.

The phone rang, pulling him out of his thoughts, "Hello."

"Hi, honey."

"Kate, my love, it's so good to hear your voice."

"Reading the journal from hell again, aren't you?"

"How did you know?"

"I know you, and how you operate. Bet you are looking to see if you can find her control word, if she used one. Thinking you might have overlooked something. Then going over all you have on hypnotizing, not because you need it, but because you want to reassure yourself."

"I knew I took up with you for a reason." Wes chuckled, relaxing as his girlfriend teased him.

"Yep, you like my brain."

"I love everything about you."

"Ditto, brain guy, just wanted to tell you my flight information for next weekend." Kate informed him.

"Great, ready." He said as he wrote down the information, his excitement of seeing her pushing away some of the blue mood that had taken over.

"I can't wait to see you."

"Me either, I've missed you terribly."

"I will call you again tomorrow, and remember I love you." Kate sighed through the receiver.

"I love you too."

Wesley thanked the Powers that Be, for bringing her in to his life. Her support was what got her through this rough time. It had been hard on him at first, taking on William's case so close to losing his own father. Then his future walked in one day to interview for the position as partner in his practice. If all went as planned, she would be his partner in life this Christmas when he asked her to marry him.

*******

Maggie listened as the couple sat in silence. The tension between Mr. and Mrs. Finn was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

"I'm getting a feeling maybe we should cut the session in half." She started to explain, "I could meet with one of you now, and then the other one can have the last half hour."

Riley silently nodded his head yes, as he looked out the window. Buffy who had been looking at the pictures decorating the office, also shook her head yes. Maggie tried not to show her concern as she asked, "So, who wants to go first?"
"Ladies, before gentlemen," Riley answered his tone neutral.

"Fine, Mr. Finn, why don't you go and grab a cup of coffee and I will come and get you when we are done here." Maggie suggested.

"Sounds fine." Riley sighed as he stood up and turned to look at Buffy.

Buffy ignored him, not knowing what to do or say. She never had this problem with Spike. Either they yelled until the problem was solved, or they shagged and forgot what nonsense they'd argued about. The only problem they never resolved all the way through was his problem with substance abuse.

Maggie noted the defeated look on the young man's face as he quietly walked out of the office. She turned her attention back to the petite blonde woman recognized the symptoms of anxiety and confusion. The tension was visible in how she straight she sat in the chair, with her arms wrapped around her waist.

"What is it I can do for you today, Mrs. Finn?"

"Call me Buffy."

"Then, please call me Maggie, if that would make you more comfortable, or Dr. Walsh. I will leave it up to you."

Buffy turned to look at the doctor, wondering if she could tell her everything. So many things had started to bombard her since talking with Willow and Faith. For the first time she really started feeling insecure about the decisions she had made over the last thirteen months.

"I really don't know where to start."

Maggie smiled, as she spoke in a calm and reassuring manner, "You can just start at the beginning. Or just pick one of the many things that must be whirling around and we can start there."

"But we only have a half an hour."

"For today, but we have other days."

"Why now, why is it all hitting me right now?" Buffy asked, as she fought the tears that threatened to fall.

"Because until now, I would say you've done a great job of avoiding them. You had all your problems locked in a safe place, until the key opened the door without your permission."

"The key being William?" She asked her tone uncertain.

"Yes. He was the key to bringing everything to the front."

"God! Why me?"

"That I can't answer, and I'm really not sure there is a real answer to that question. We are not always in control of the hand that life deals us. We can only control how we handle it."

"I really don't know where to begin."

Maggie smiled as she replied, "Tell me about your childhood."

Buffy felt herself relax, as the doctor took control of the conversation. She took a deep breath and started to explain how her parents had divorced when she was very young. Her father after a year, had stopped coming around. That by the time she was ten years old she was taking care of her mother, more then her mother was capable of taking care of her.

*******

Linda sat on her husband's lap and heard the pain in his voice as he talked about what he'd done. She knew, without a doubt he loved this Annie at one part deeply. But this wild drug, lost in the magic of the rock and roll world tore them apart. She was well aware of the rock scene, having been a photographer for 'The Rolling Stone Magazine', for a few years. Her father was a famous artist for the magazine as well, during Eric's years of drugs and women.

"Are you sure you could be William's father?"

"Yes, his date of birth fits. His love of music, well that fits too. My father loved to play, and I swear I was born to play as well. His talent is so natural, and I see so much of myself in him."

"Do you want to be his father?"

"Yes, I do. God I'm so proud of him, the steps he has taken to get his life back, fucking amazes me." Eric's praise of the young man made it easy for Linda to accept he would do everything in his power to claim William as his son.

"Then I think you should go to him, tell him everything you've told me. I think you owe it to him and to yourself. I will be more then happy to make him feel accepted, and a real member of our family. He gets to be big brother to two wonderful little boys. That also means you’re a grandfather."

Eric's smile blossomed, "Yeah, I'm a grandfather."

"So are you going to do this, go and claim your son?" She asked with a genuine smile on her face.

"First I think we need to find out if he is indeed my son."

"Call Howard and see what you need to do to find out. But I think you don't care if he is of your blood or not."

"No, I don't."

"Then go and be with him, then bring him home to us and let us meet him."

"What did I ever do to deserve you?"

"Nothing, baby. Love isn't about deserving it, it just is." Linda explained as she leaned in to kiss his lips.

"He is going to let Wes hypnotize him Sunday."

"Then I think you need to be there."

"Yeah, I think you're right."

"I will go pack your things and you call Howard. I will then call the airport and arrange a flight for you "

"Right, I'm on it." Eric chuckled as he kissed his lovely wife before letting her leave his lap. "I will give Wesley a call too and let him know what I'm about to do."

"Do you think Wesley will tell you not to come?"

"No, he mentioned once how he wished I was William's father."

"Astute man that Wes."

"Yes, he is. Now off with you woman, I have things to do and then I will attend to you before I leave.

She blew him a kiss before she turned to leave, "Love you, baby."

*******

"Travers Investigations, this is Glory. How can we help you?"

"May I talk with Quentin please, tell him it's Rupert Giles."

"Sure, Mr. Giles, hold the line please."

"Rupert, old man, what can I do to help you?"

"Find Ethan Rayne for me."

"What do you want that bastard for?"

"Personal!"

"Well, there's not much personal you're going to get from a dead man."

"Dead man as is dead."

"Yep, his body was found about six months ago. Shot execution style just outside of Las Vegas."

"How do you know and no one ever notified his son?"

"Because he was identified and buried by his wife. I just thought she had notified the rest of his family." Quentin explained.

"Do they know who did it?"

"Nope, he made too many enemies here. Little birdie told me he owed a lot of money to the wrong people. Don't worry, no trails leading them to your boy, so don't worry. No one knows he is Spike's dad."

"Why didn't you call me?"

"Figured you knew, we both know you only call me when you need some information." Quentin told his old friend, from his college days.

"I'm sorry about that."

"Don't be old friend. We both know you're no longer Ripper anymore. You went and made something of yourself, mate. Me, I made something of myself, but not anything I could say proudly at the fifty year reunion, if you get my drift."

"I do, Quent."

"And I'm glad that bastard is dead. He wasn't anyone I'd want to be friends with."

"No! He is not. I'm just sorry I was not the one that put him out of society's misery."
"I hope you have the satisfaction that the bastard no longer breaths air."

"Yes!"

"Well if you ever need my assistance in the future, give me a call. You know I would never refuse you."

"Same here, if there is anything I can do for you, let me know."

"Well, when that son and nephew of yours tours again, can you get me some decent seats? My youngest is just gaga over that Xander fella."

"I will make sure you are given the best seats in the house." Giles chuckled, knowing he'd have no problem getting complimentary tickets from his boys. "You take care of yourself, my friend."

"You too old friend."

Giles sighed as he hung up the phone. He now had news that would make everyone relax. Ethan Rayne was no longer of this world to wreak havoc with their lives, especially for William.

*******

Riley sat across from Dr. Walsh and sighed. He didn't like how Buffy avoided looking at him as they passed each other in the hallway. Now here he was, wondering what she and Dr. Walsh had talked about.

"So, Mr. Finn, what do you wish to talk about?"

Riley looked up meeting her eyes and asked, "How do I go about letting the woman I love go?"

"Are you sure you need to let her go?"

"Yes, she belongs with the man she is in love with. The twins need their parents. William deserves a second chance with Buffy, and a chance to be a fulltime father to his children."

"And you know this how?"

"That day she broke down and told me what Spike had done, all I saw was red. Here was a woman worthy of being loved and cherished. Instead, she was alone, pregnant, and feeling lost. I thought I could make her forget about him and learn to love me as much as I love her. But it was an illusion, one that I ignored and sold to her without really thinking it all out. The last thirteen months I've done everything to give her the perfect life. But there is no such thing as the perfect life, no guarantee that life will let the past stay in the past."

"How long have you thought about this?"

"Ever since that night I read the journal. I knew then everything was a lie."

"So you don't think you and your wife have a chance?"

"I think she is in love with William, and it's not that kind of love you can so easily forget. I think she does care, maybe even loves me. I just don't think I'm the one she really wants to spend the rest of her life with, but will keep her vows. I think she also is using me to protect her from loving so deeply again."

Maggie sat back and smiled, "Dr. Finn, have you ever thought of going into behavioral medicine? I think you'd be wonderful at it."

Riley sighed, "I never thought about it. I want to practice family medicine."

"I think you'd be a wonderful practitioner, doing that whole family medicine route."

"So, how do I go about letting the woman I love go?"

"Take one day at a time. Give her time to think things out. Maybe then, you'd both be able to work things out together. I think we should do individual counseling for a few weeks, and then we can work at bringing you both together. I think you both have issues that should be dealt first." Maggie explained.

"Okay, so what do we talk about in the mean time?"

Maggie leaned back and asked, "Tell me what made you want to be a doctor?"

Same as LMFM, will post again on Monday when I get home from Houston......

William stood at the door to Buffy's new home, poised to ring the doorbell. His finger was in position, ready to push the buzzer, but something kept holding him back. The thought of seeing his and Buffy's babies for the first time, in the flesh, scared the hell out of him.

'God! How did things get this out of control? "He asked himself. "Don't answer that." He mumbled as he closed his eyes and laid his hand gently against the door.

Buffy stood inside the door, waiting for the doorbell to ring. She'd been watching for his arrival for the last half hour. The butterflies were at war it seem inside her stomach, she was so nervous.

"What's taking him so long? Please, Will, don't back out now. You can do this, I believe in you." She whispered, as she placed her hand against the door, willing him to push the buzzer.

"I can do this. I deserve this, they are mine." He mumbled as his hand moved from the door to the doorbell.

Buffy felt her chest tighten; afraid he'd give up and leave. Her hand drifted down toward the doorknob. "You deserve this, please don't run." She prayed.

The ringing of the doorbell announced his decision bringing a warm smile to her face as she sighed, "I knew you could do it."

She took a few seconds before she answered the door. Greeting him with a welcoming smile on her face, letting him see she was happy to see him.

"Hey!"

"Hello, Pet."

"You came at a good time. They just woke up from their nap." She informed him as she stood to the side to allow him to enter.

"Great, I was worried they'd still be asleep." William replied softly, as he walked past her and into the home, she shared with another man.

They stood in the foyer, neither knowing what to say when William asked, "So, tell me what we do first?"

Buffy giggled at the mixed expression of fear, anxiety, and excitement on his face as she replied, "First diaper brigade, second battle is feeding hungry babies, and then the best for last, entertaining said very energetic terrors."

Will, couldn't help but laugh as he said, "Then lead the way, you will have to show me how to change a diaper." He then turned serious when he continued, "Hell, Buffy, you're going to have to teach me everything."

"Don't worry, it took me some getting used to and I'm still learning." Buffy was quick to reassure him. "Just relax and take it one step at a time."

She could see how nervous he was. Taking him by the hand, she led him toward the stairs with words of encouragement, "Come and meet your son and your daughter."

William's heart started to race when she took his hand. He followed her up the stairs, trying to avoid the sway of her hips. The home décor suddenly became of interest, wanting to keep his memories of when he'd show her what her sexy little walk did to him in the past.

The house reminded him so much of Buffy. The simple mixtures of earthy tones of brown, beige, and hunter green reinforced the fact this was her home. He could smell the vanilla throughout the house, making him homesick for her.

"You still burn vanilla candles and I bet you have your potpourri scatter about the place." He said absently.

"Yeah, Riley jokes about investing in the vanilla companies." She laughed and then suddenly stopped. She remembered how he had teased her the same way when they were together. "Sorry."

"Nothin' to be sorry about, Pet." William shrugged, hoping his look of disappointment had remained well hidden.

She didn't have to turn around and look at his face to know her words had inadvertently hurt him. The truth remained; more words that would unintentionally hurt him. In fact, some would hurt her as well, as they learned to become friends.

Spike's uneasiness at where their conversation was going suddenly changed, as he heard the babies jabbering. Their voices were the second sweetest thing he'd ever heard in his life, next to Buffy's whispering in his ear when they made love.

"Beautiful!"

"What?" Buffy asked as she turned to look at him, noticing him standing with his eyes closed.

"They sound so sweet and innocent; babbling about as if they had no cares in the world. No pain, just joy and happiness, untouched by the ugliness that surrounds them." He whispered unaware he'd voiced his thoughts aloud, his expression a mixture of awe and sadness.

Buffy realized for the first time he was about to meet his salvation. There was no way he'd come away from meeting his children untouched by their goodness and light. She truly believed they would not let their father down, and show him just how much they could help him find his way. For the first time since yesterday's disaster she found something to smile about.

She reached up and cupped his cheek, smiling at how he leaned into her touch without opening his eyes. He looked older, tired, but yet stronger then what she remembered. A sense of maturity that wasn't present when they had been together.

"You are their father, they are a part of you. No ugliness will touch them because all you will do is love them. In return they will love you, unconditionally." She said as she leaned in to kiss his lips softly.

"I'm scared I will let them down, you down." He whispered, accepting the kiss as what it meant that she still cared about him.

"So am I. I think it's normal to feel that way." Buffy reassured him, "I don't want to be my mother."

"Never!" William exclaimed as he opened his eyes and stared in to hers, "You will never be like your mother, never in a million years."

Buffy let his comment go as she changed the subject by saying, "Come and meet your children."

"I'm unsure about taking care of babies."

"I'll be here to help you."

"So whose nappy should we change first?" William asked, his voice sounding so nervous and uncertain.

"Molly, she's less intimidating and less dangerous. Ryan's a bit more daring and sometimes likes to pee when his diaper comes off." Buffy joked.

"He must like showing off his male attributes." William chuckled as he followed Buffy over to the crib in the far corner.

"Like father, like son." Buffy teased.

William's breath caught in his chest as he got his first glimpse of his daughter. She was lying on her back, cooing away as she played with her toes. The first thing he noticed and planted forever in his mind, as their eyes met, was the fact she had her mother’s eyes.

"Molly, you have a special visitor today, baby girl." Buffy softly informed her daughter as she lifted her out of the crib, and then handing her to her father while saying, "Meet your daddy."

"Effulgent!" William whispered as he accepted her, pulling her close to his chest, losing his heart as her little hands patted his cheeks and giggled. "She's perfect."

Buffy fought the tears as she noticed the adoration in William's eyes as he continued to gaze at his daughter. Any doubts she had concerning his ability to be a good father flew out the window.

"Hello, Kitten, we've got some catching up to do." William said as he kissed her forehead.

"Bring her over to the changing table and we'll get her changed." Buffy said as she directed him toward the large changing table over by the window. "We will get her all freshened up and then you can meet your son."

William followed her as he held his little girl close, making sure not to drop her. He became nervous when Buffy told him to lay her down, not wanting to let her go.

"Will, it's okay, I'll walk you through it." Buffy teased as she gave him a wink.

"I don't ever want to let her go."

"I know, I felt the same way when I first held her."

"God, Buffy I've missed so much."

"But you’re here now." She reminded him, as she watched him gently lay Molly down on the changing table.

She slowly talked him though changing a baby's diaper. William hung on every word, wanting to learn everything he needed to know to take care of his children.

*******

Wesley answered the door wondering who would be visiting him. William was at Buffy's, and Angel and Cordelia were picking up Giles at the airport.

"Eric, what a surprise, what brings you here?" Wesley greeted his as he waved him into the room.

"Wes, I've been doing a lot of thinking about something and I need to ask for your help." Eric replied as he entered the room hoping Wesley agreed with his plan.

"You know I will do anything I can to help you."

"That I have no doubt."

"Then have a seat and tell me what it is I can help you with."

Eric took a deep breath and bluntly said, "Would today be a good day to tell William I believe he's my son?"

Wesley gave his question some very serous thought before asking, "Would you mind if we talked a bit before I give you my answer?"

"No, not at all." Eric relaxed, his respect for this man elevated for thinking about William first. "I'm sure you have a few questions."

"Yes, I do. I just don’t want any complications to come William's way with what he wants to do tomorrow."

"That's why I want to tell him now. I want to be there to support him, not only as a friend, but as his father."

"Then talk to me." Wesley encouraged as he sat back and let Eric tell his story.

*******

William fought the tears when Buffy handed him Molly's outfit for the day. The pink little bib overalls saying 'Daddy's Girl' on the front.

"I couldn't resist them yesterday." Buffy said with a few tears of her own fighting to break free. "Here put this on her and then we will put her back in the crib and take care of Ryan. She might fuss a little, but it won't be for long."

William dressed his daughter, his princess, with such a feeling of sense of purpose. In his head, he was already planning what he was going to do Monday. He would be dragging Angel and Cordy to the nearest real estate office and buying a house. He would find the place he was going to call home.

"Don't worry, Kitten. Daddy's going to come and get you after I meet your brother." William promised her kissing both her cheeks, before placing her back into her crib.

Buffy watched how Molly appeared to be listening to everything her father was telling her. Then seeing the baby amuse herself after being placed back into her crib, made her smile. Molly never liked being put back in her crib after getting dressed.

"Come and meet your son." Buffy smiled as she wiggled her index finger at him, telling him to come over by her.

"My son, wow! I never thought I would ever say those words." William's voice sounded dazed as he walked toward Buffy and his son's crib.

"Hello, baby boy, Mommy's got a surprise for you." Buffy teased as she picked him up and handed him over to his father, "Ryan, meet your Daddy, Daddy meet your son."

The tears fell down William's cheeks, as he embraced is son. No words could describe what he was feeling at this moment. It was amazing to have your own eyes looking back at you. Holding something, precious close to your heart that you helped to create, was overwhelming. For him it was double having held his daughter and now stood holding his son close to his heart.

"God, Buffy I can't find the words to describe what you've given me today." William said as his love for her shined in his eyes.

She felt the ice melt, and the walls crumble that she'd eradicated around her heart that day. The day Spike had told her he no longer loved her. Everything that Cordy, Willow, and Faith, told her made sense now. No longer blinded by her need to protect herself from what her heart really wanted, more like needed. She embraced the fact that she was still very much in love with the father of her children.

*******

Angel hugged his father as he said, "God! I'm so happy to see you."

Giles returned the embrace as he replied, "I've missed you."

Angel had not realized just how much he'd missed his father, until he watched the older man's approach. To think that William never had this feeling, a feeling of having a father that loved him, was more evident at this time.

Giles sighed, "How are you?"

Angel broke the embrace giving his father a weak smile, "I'm fine, for now."

"Worried about tomorrow?" Giles asked as he and his son started walking toward the exit.

"Yeah."

"Well, we will face it together as a family."

"I'm glad you're here."

"I am too."

"Good, so how about a quick tour of the place. Will's going to call when he's back at the hotel."

"So he's with Buffy?"

"Yeah, I've never seen him so nervous."

"I'm sure." Giles nodded as he secretly prayed that by seeing the twins, William by some miracle would want to see Abby.

"I know what you're thinking." Angel said, just a bit harshly.

"A man can hope." Giles sighed as he gave his son a reassuring smile as he said, "I will keep my hope to myself and not let it interfere in my being here for William."

"Sorry!"

"No need to be sorry, you're protecting your cousin, and I admire that." Giles praised his son.

"Well, we had better get moving before Cordy comes and hunts us down."

*******

"So what do you think?" Eric asked, looking anxious.

"I have one question."

"Okay, shoot."

"How would you feel about him if you find out he's not your son?"

"I wouldn't care. He's Anne's son, I can't walk away from him."

"But what about William, is it because he's Anne's son the only reason?"

Eric shook his head and replied as honestly as he could, "No, he's special to me, I felt it the moment I met him. I will be here for him, no matter what."

Wesley smiled, "Then that is what you need to make him understand. That he is what's most important, not the fact his Anne's son."

Eric relaxed, as he understood what he was being told. He needed to make William believe he was important because of who he is, not who his mother was.

"Thanks, Wes. So do you think it would be okay to tell him tonight. I want him to know I'm here for him, no matter what."

"I think it would be good for him. He needs to know he has a strong support system." Wesley replied, his own instinct screaming that Eric was indeed William's father.

*******

Buffy giggled as she watched Molly laugh. William was swinging her up the in the air. Something caught her eye suddenly when his leather bracelet moved. The jagged scar flashed like a neon sign, taking some of the happiness of this day away.

William noticed the moment Buffy stopped laughing. He peeked over and noticed the worried expression on her face and knew things were about to get interesting. He'd followed her glance and realized she was looking at his permanent reminder how far he'd fallen, thirteen months ago. He brought his baby girl down and hugged her close, waiting for Buffy to ask him to leave and not come back.

"Will, how did you get that scar?" Buffy asked, her voice carried a tone of anxiety and uncertainly.

"Can we talk about it after we lay the twins down for a nap?" William asked, wanting to enjoy a few more moments with his children. He was sure Buffy was going to tell him to leave and never come back once she found out.

Buffy reached over and traced her finger over his eyebrow, "Yes, it can wait. Don't be afraid to tell me, I won't think less of you."

William closed his eyes as he savored her touch and said, "Maybe, maybe not."

Buffy adjusted Ryan in her arms as she leaned in and lightly kissed his lips, "I'm going with the maybe not, meaning I won't think less of what you tell me."

"Buffy?"

"I can never think less of you, William. No matter what happened you are here now. I see a man that is going to be a great father to his children." She reassured him. "Now, I think your son's wanting for equal daddy tossing time."

William smiled as he opened his eyes and noticed his Buffy was looking at him with no judgment or loathing in her eyes. More like love and understanding and it took all he had not to lean in and kiss her senseless. But he knew a promise was a promise, he'd not try and take her away from her husband.

"Well then I’m sorry Daddy's Princess, but I need to toss your brother around a bit." William chuckled as he gave his little girl a kiss before giving her to her mother.

"I'm going try and get her down for her nap, and then I will come back for this one." Buffy said before kissing Ryan's head, as Will took him gently from her arm.

William watched as the love of his life carried their daughter up the stairs. He stood up with his son, walking over to the rocker, wanting to rock his boy to sleep. Will settled in the chair. His son snuggled in the crook of his neck as he started to rock his son gently back and forth. The song his mother sang to him came to mind as he softly started to sing.

Early one morning, just as the sun was shining, I heard a maid sing in the valley below.
"Oh, don't deceive me. Oh, never leave me. How could you use a poor maiden so?"

*******

Giles walked in to the empty hotel restaurant with Angel and Cordy. They were meeting Wesley for a late lunch. The only other's present were Wesley and Eric Stewart.

"I wonder why Eric is here?" Cordy asked, when she noticed Mr. Stewart sitting with Wes.

Both Angel and Giles exchanged looks with Giles asking his son, "Do you know why?"

"He has really been there for William." Angel explained, silently asking himself, why the man would be so interested in his cousin.

"I think he is the one that is paying for most of, if not all of, Will's care. Could be he feels guilty, since he's the one that introduced the bitch to William." Cordy said, still holding some resentment against the older man.

"No reason to blame him, he never expected Fred to be so off her rocker. God the look on his face that night at the hospital was awful. You would've had thought it was his own son it had happened too." Angel explained, hoping Cordy would not treat Eric poorly.

Giles after hearing Angel's comment on Eric acting as if it was his son, something clicked. He remembered something Annie had told him long ago. They had been talking one evening about first loves. She had said hers was a man who loved music more then life.

Rupert wondered if this Eric Stewart was Anne's first love. He would keep an open mind and wait until for a more private time to ask the man his true intentions toward his nephew.

"Giles, hope your flight went well." Wesley stood to great Will's uncle, shaking hands as he turned to introduce him to Eric, "Rupert Giles, Eric Stewart. Giles is Angel's father and William's uncle."

"I take it you like to be called Giles?" Eric asked as he then shook the other man's hand.

"Yes, Rupert makes me think of my Grandfather." Giles replied, looking closely at the other man's face.

Giles knew he was definitely going to have a private talk with Mr. Stewart. He looked closely at the musician. The more he looked, the more he could see pieces of William. It all fit, and if he was right, Eric, not Ethan, fathered William.

Eric felt the intense gaze of Rupert Giles upon him. His gut told him William's uncle had figured out the connection. Silently he started to prepare for the time that Giles would manage to get him alone. He prayed the man had no issues with the possibility that William might be a Stewart and not a Rayne.

Wesley secretly smiled to himself, enjoying the two men checking each other out. He would pay good money to be the fly on the wall, when ole Rupert confronted Eric about his association with William.

Cordy being Cordy, took it upon herself to come out and ask the question on most everyone's mind. "So, Eric, what brings you here?"

Eric having become familiar with Miss. Chase's blunt manner smiled as he replied, "I came to see if Will would be interested in playing a couple of tracks on my new album."

"Really, wow, he'll love it." Angel said, feeling a touch jealous of his cousin.

Eric smiled as he reassured the young man, "It's an instrumental album, strings with a little percussion in the background."

Angel chuckled, feeling guilty that he was jealous as he said, "I know he will be honored, he really respects and admires you."

Eric sighed, "I have to say I admire him as well. He has great talent and this past year has proven he’s a good man as well."

Angel and the others smiled at the man's praise. Cordy's anger at the man eased, seeing the sincerity in the man's face. The conversation changed to more average talk, weather, cities, and families.

*******

William continued to rock his son, listening to the baby breathe, telling him that Ryan was sleeping. He knew he should get up and carry him upstairs, but couldn't find it in him to be separated from his son at the moment. During this time he realized he would never be like his father. There was no way in hell he'd be able to do to his little boy, what his father did to him.

"I would die before I did anything to hurt you or your sister. You have my word." William sighed softly, not realizing that Buffy was standing behind him.

Those words confirmed to her what she had thought all along. She had met Ethan Rayne once, and it was a meeting, she wished never happened. It aroused her suspicions that William's father had hurt him in some manner. Where her issues came from her mother, thinking she had not loved her enough to kick the habit. His came from a father that somehow hurt him in a not so parent kind of way.

Buffy quietly walked around to face him with a loving smile on her face and said, "Why don't you go lay him down, and I will make us something to eat."

William looked up at her with tears in his eyes and she realized he was afraid she would ask him to leave. "Will, there is nothing you can say that will make me ask you to leave your children, nothing. Now go lay your son down in his bed and come back and talk to me."

Buffy turned and hurried to the kitchen, before she followed through with the urge to kiss him. She needed the time alone to get her body's response to her ex-boyfriend under control. Yes, she had things to work out, but the things needed worked out before she did something she might regret for the rest of her life. The last person she also wanted to be like was her unfaithful father.

*******

Giles wished there was a way to make Wesley give him and Eric some time alone. Cordy and Angel had bowed out saying they had something to do. He was sure he didn't want to know, since he'd seen the same look in his wife's eyes, he had witnessed in Cordelia's.

Eric knew that Giles wanted to talk and since he figured he knew what is was about, opened up the conversation. "I think you have some questions for me."

Giles looked from Eric to Wesley and decided to answer honestly, "Yes, I do. But I'm certain you'd want to talk in private."

Eric gave Wesley a understanding smile before he returned his attention to his son's uncle and said, "I think I know what it is you wish to say, and Wesley is well aware of the situation."

Giles turned to glare at the young doctor, "Do you now?"

Wesley turned to Giles and answered, "It's according to what it is you think you know. Why don't you ask your questions and then we can all stop beating around the bush."

Rupert looked over at Eric and asked, "Do you know a Anne Carpenter?"

Eric's smile was a mixture of happy and sad as he answered, "Yes, I knew a beautiful, loving woman by that name."

"So William is your son then." Giles sat back and glared at the man, "You left Annie pregnant and at the mercy of Ethan."

"I didn't know that Annie was pregnant. I was a man lost in a world I wasn't ready to handle at the time. If I had any idea she was carrying my baby, I hope I would've made better decisions. But I wasn't given that chance, so I don't know. So how do you know William is my son?"

Giles snorted as he began to relax, "I see him in you, and Ethan's musical talent, well let's just say he had none. So, I'm quite certain, without any doubt, that William is your son."

Eric closed his eyes and smiled as he said, "I knew it the moment I met him, I just never knew how to tell him, or if I should. Then this thing with Fred, I didn't know if he could handle more stress."

"And now?" Giles asked, seeing in the man's demeanor he had come to love William very much.

"I want my son, Mr. Giles. I want him so bad it hurt's every time I see him and he call's me Eric. I want him to call me Dad, and for me to call him son."

"You would acknowledge him as yours?" Giles question hit Eric's patience.

"Yes, he is mine and I want everyone to know it. I would have claimed him from the beginning if I had only known he existed." Eric said as he glared at the other man. "I hope to have your support, but if not I will still do what I think is best for my son."

"Then tell him tonight. I have other news that will effect him, but I think it should wait until after tomorrow. I think it will have less of an impact if he finds out you are his true biological parent before I tell him the news that his childhood tormentor is dead."

"Ethan is dead?" Wesley asked, knowing this would indeed influence greatly on William's treatment right now.

"Yes, was killed six months ago."

Rupert noticed the news didn't seem to surprise Eric at all. He became suspicious of who might have truly been behind the death of his ex-brother-in-law.

Eric was not going to let them know he knew that Ethan was dead. But he could see that Giles already suspected that he knew. How could he explain, he had told one of the powerful people in Vegas that Ethan Rayne was a child molester? Would they believe him that he didn't know this person hated anyone that did harm to children. That Ethan had owed money to this man who decided to he didn't want the money but the man's life, now that he knew.

"I think Giles is right. You should tell William tonight about being his father, and keep Ethan's death for another time." Wesley agreed, lost in thinking about what would be best for William. So preoccupied he missed the silent exchange between the two other men at the table.

Eric shook his head no, hoping Giles realized that he was letting him he didn't have the man killed as he answered, "I will do whatever you think is best for my son. He comes first, always."

"Then I welcome you to the family." Giles felt that at last things were really starting to move up in his boy's life. "You will have to bring your family to California to meet my wife, Anne's sister."

"Thank you, it's very important to get to know the people involved in my son's life. It's through you I will learn so much about him. I understand you are taking care of Abby, my granddaughter." Eric said as he confidently shook the man's hand.

"Good, for Jenny will have loads of things to tell you and pictures and more pictures of William growing up." Giles chuckled, "And yes, for now we have Abby. William is thinking of placing her up for adoption."

Eric frowned and then replied, "If he does let me know. I will make every effort to find her a good home. I will want only the best for her."

"You understand why he might do it?"

"I trust him to make the right decision, and I will support him no matter what it is." Eric firmly informed the men at the table.

"Yes, so will I, thanks to my son bringing a few things to light that I had refused to see. Denial is such an easy thing to do to avoid things you don't wish to acknowledge." Giles said with a touch of sadness to his voice.

"Yes, but it's the continued living in denial that can break us in the end." Wesley suggested. "I think we should arrange for William and Eric to have some private time this evening. I don't want him stayin up all night mind you, with what we have to do tomorrow." He looked at Eric with a determined look.

"I promise to tell him right after dinner. It should give us time to talk a few important things out and we both get to bed in an appropriate time frame, Dad." Eric promised as he teased his friend and counselor.

"I think I'm going to go and take a nap, I was up rather early this morning to catch this flight." Giles said, after he finished yawning. "Eric, if there is anything I can do to make this easier for you or William, please let me know."

"You already have, by supporting me. Now just be there for William if he comes to you, or starts to feel he might have to choose between us. I will not do anything to interfere in your relationship with my son." Eric promised, hoping the other man believed him.

"I will do everything in my power to make this transition of William being your son as easy as possible for everyone involved. You have my promise."

"Then you have my promise to do the same." Eric said as they shook hands, forging a bond that would only grow stronger over the years.

"I will talk to you both later then." Giles said as he left to return to his room.

"That went well." Wesley smiled.

"Let's just hope telling William goes as smoothly if not better." Eric said, with a nervous tone to his voice.

"I think it will go rather well. William is a rather insightful individual, give him some benefit of the doubt." Wesley said, encouraging he friend to have courage and faith in his son. "So, I think you don't need to worry about the DNA testing to tell you what Giles confirmed, except for legal purposes. You know how lawyers are."

"Yes, they will want the burden of proof, but I think I'll let them eat cake instead. I don't need no bloody test to tell me that William is my flesh and blood. I will leave it up to him to decide if he wants it done or not."

"Great idea, I think that would wise."

"You do?"

"Yes, you are giving him the choice and giving him your unconditional love and support. It is what he needs, to know you love him and accept him" Wesley said in support of his decision of not wanting the DNA testing.

"Wes, you are a good friend and I'm grateful that you are taking care of my boy." Eric praised his friend and doctor.

"He's worth every moment of my time with him. He is a good man, and I can see where he gets it from." Wesley replied, "Now I need to go and do a bit more research."

"I need to go call my wife, she made me promise to update her. She is so looking forward to having William meet his brothers."

"Linda is a good woman, and one that will definitely make your son welcome. You are a lucky man Eric Stewart."

"She is special in so many ways." Eric smiled thinking about his wife, "I will talk at you soon, mate."

"Tell Linda I said hello."

"Will do." Eric replied as they parted company.

William slowly entered the kitchen, wondering how the conversation about his scar was going to start. His greatest worry was how it would end. Would she scream at him and call him a loser, or would she just look at him with disappointment?

"Come over here and have a seat. I made us both grilled cheese and tomato soup." Buffy said with a welcoming smile.

"My favorite, lunch time meal."

"I know, now come and eat while it's still hot." Buffy waved him over as she took her seat at the kitchen table.

"I've really enjoyed myself today." William told her as he sat across from her.

"I did too, and it's not over. They won't sleep for very long." Buffy said before she took a bite of her sandwich.

They became silent as they ate their first meal together since he's left her to go on tour.
The conversation concentrated on William catching her up on their mutual friends, and his career. Seems Angel's Redemption was about to go back into the studio and cut their second album.

*******

"Yes, I do believe he is William's father." Giles answered his wife's question on if he thought Eric was their nephew's father

"Why wouldn't Annie have told me?" Jenny sighed, "I thought we told each other everything."

"Maybe by telling you it would've made it true, and she had to believe he was Ethan's in order to move on with her life."

"Maybe, but we never kept secrets from each other before."

"We will never know the truth, and I don't think your sister would want you worrying over this. Only she knows why she made the decisions that she did." Giles tried to comfort his wife the best that he could over the phone. "You know she loved you and that's all that's important."

"You’re right, that is something no one can take away." Jenny sighed, "You will call and let me know how things go with Eric and William?"

"Yes, I will call you."

"I know that was a silly question."

"But understandable considering what you've found out today." Giles reassured her he understood her need for verbal reassurances, after finding out her sister had kept a very important secret from her.

"I will call you tomorrow, my dear."

"Give Angel and William a kiss for me."

"I will tell them you send your love, but I will not kiss them." Giles mocked, being offended, "I'm not that kind of man."

"I know dear."

"Give Abby a kiss for me."

"I will, take care of our boys Rupert."

"I promise."

Both said goodbye missing each others company as soon as they each hung up the phone. Giles turned his attention preparing himself to be there for William when he found out about Ethan's death, and that Eric was really his father. Jenny worried about her nephew and felt saddened that her sister had not trusted her with her secret.

*******

Riley sat next to his best friend and legal advisor Graham Forester. He continued to stare out across the water and contemplate what he should do. It was the fact he kept changing his mind that was driving him mad.

"You need to shit or get off the pot, Finn." Graham offered his best advice as a friend he could.

"Graphic as always." Riley snorted.

"Riley, you need to make a decision and stay with it. You're making it worse for you and for Buffy going back and forth about this."

"I just think it's too soon, to really have to make up my mind."

"Bullshit! If you didn't know something needed to be done now, you wouldn't be so conflicted."

"What would you do?" Riley turned to his friend not expecting an answer.

"They say if you love someone, set them free. If it was meant to be they'll come back to you. If not then it wasn't meant to be." Graham replied, as he gave Riley a meaningful look. "Let Buffy be free to choose, give her that freedom from being the perfect little wife. Offer her a way out of being held to you by her vows."

"Okay! I get it." Riley growled as he rolled his eyes. "I know what you're telling me is true. I just have to prepare myself to let her go, knowing in my heart she won't be coming back to me."

"This way you both can still part as friends. To let her stay because of her honoring her promise would only make you enemies in the end. You deserve someone that loves you as deeply as you love Buffy. In fact I wonder if and when you find her you find out just how much you were not in love with your wife."

"I'm in love with my wife."

"I believe you do, I'm just saying you might come to find out there's someone else out there for you. I'm just glad things happened when they did."

"Excuse me!" Riley shouted as he glared at his friend.

"Come one Riley, think about it. Today it's just you, Buffy, and this William fella. If it happened down the road it would involve the twins." Graham explained calmly. "Just think if this came about when they really believed you to be their daddy. How hard would've this have been on them? "

Riley took a deep breath and let it out slowly, knowing Graham was right. "Yeah, you're right. Buffy even said they would've grown to hate us if we'd kept the up the pretense."

"Lying!"

"Okay, fine, lying."

"Riley, dude, you came to me because you knew I'd tell you what I really think and not sugar coat it for you."

"Yeah, so."

"I'm telling you what I think, not it's up to you to do with it what you want." Graham said as he patted his friend on the back. "I can also honestly say I'm proud at how you are handling this. Not all men would be this understanding, letting their wife be there alone with the father of her babies."

"Thanks, it's not been easy."

"How about we go and shoot a few rounds of crazy eight down at the Down Under? Give your mind a break for now."

"Sounds like plan, let's go."

Both men stood up and brushed off the back of their pants. Riley closed his eyes and with his decision made, he followed his best friend as they left to go shoot pool.

*******

Buffy reached down and picked up his empty bowl and plate, noticing how nervous he'd become. Her heart raced and her mouth became dry as she wondered what could have happened to make him feel so insecure about the scar on his wrist.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Buffy asked, giving him the options to back out.

"Not really, but I think it's some thing you should know about." William answered, as he stared out the kitchen window, avoiding her eyes.

Buffy noticed the faraway expression on his face, watching him withdraw within himself by the second. She hoped she was not pushing him too far too soon.

"Do you want to talk here, or go back to the living room?" Buffy asked as she returned to the table, after putting the dishes in the sink.

"Here would be fine." He answered, thinking he'd have a better view of the outside where he presently sat.

Buffy looked at her empty chair and then back at William. The forlorn expression made her need to comfort him led her to his side.

"Scoot back."

William looked up at her with a confusion expression, "Pet?"

Buffy smiled as she waved him to move his chair away from the table, "Scoot on back, Mister."

William did as he was told, moving his chair back. The big surprise was when she straddled his lap and took his right hand between her two petite hands.

"You will not push me away or make me think less of you." Buffy reassured him as she lifted his wrist and removed the leather band. "Please tell me what you feel comfortable sharing about how you got this scar."

William watched her fingers softly stroke the permanent reminder of his fall from grace, as he said, "I only can tell you what Angel told me."

"So it was during your bad time with Fred?" She asked.

"Yeah, seems I couldn't handle all the confrontations and finding out about Fred's betrayal. Angel said I broke a glass and cut myself." William's said, his voice had started out strong, only to end in a whisper.

"Can you still play?" She asked genuinely concerned, as she leaned in and kissed the old wound.

William gasped at the quick light touch of her lips, as he answered, "I can still play. Everyone pushed my ass in physical therapy. Eric still comes by a lot and goes through some rifts with me as exercise. He has been there since the beginning."

"Good, I know how you love to play. You'd be so lost if you couldn't have played." Buffy sighed as she reached up and gently cupped the side of his face and said, "Thank you for telling me."

William smiled through the tears as he confessed his greatest fear, "God, Buffy. I was so scared you'd tell me to leave and never come back."

"Never, I would never judge you for this," She reassured him as she traced his scar with the tip of her finger.

Neither knew who made the first move. Their lips met, and the passion flared as they kissed as if they both would die without the other. Her hands thread through his soft hair before using them to pull him deeper into the kiss. His hands pulled her hips closer to his, feeling as if they had a life of their own.

He felt like his body was on fire, feeling her move her lower body against his. The feel of her skin as his hands drifted up under her shirt, feeling the warmth of her of her body against his overly sensitive fingers. The way her tongue mated with his, pushed all logical thoughts away.

She had never felt so out of control, not since the day they'd last made love. The feel of his hands on her skin, sent her senses in a state of turmoil. The more they kissed, the more she wanted it all.

The sound of babies waking up pulled them apart. Their breathing was fast and irregular. All they could do was stare at each other in amazement. They continued to gaze into each others eyes as the babies' voices continued to coo and laugh in the background.

William was the first to talk as he tried to apologize, "Buffy, I'm sorry."

"No, don't." Buffy shushed him placing her finger over his lips. "I need time, Will, please give me time to get my head together. I have so much to think over. Do you think you can give me some time?" She knew she could no longer ignore her feelings for this man, but didn't know how to deal with them.

William felt a spark of hope as he reached up and gently stroked her hair as he replied, "I can wait until the end of the world if you ask."

Buffy giggled, "I don't think it will take that long, unless the end comes tomorrow or next week."

Will sighed, "I can wait for as long as it takes for you to figure out what it is you want."

"Thank you, Will." Buffy sighed as she moved off his lap, ignoring the evidence of his arousal. "I think your children are calling you. They want more Daddy time."

William groaned, as he stood and gave her a shy glance, "I think Daddy needs to have a few moments alone."

Buffy tried to hold back her giggle as she replied, "Go get yourself together, and I'll go and do diaper duties until you can join us."

"Just need to take a walk around a bit and I'll be right up."

"Okay." She said, feeling like she needed a few minutes alone as well.

She walked quickly out of the kitchen, trying to ignore the tingly warm sensation at the juncture between her thighs. Her appointment with Dr. Walsh on Monday would not come soon enough. She had something she needed to talk to an impartial person about, and Maggie was as impartial as she was going to get.

William fought the urge to go and relieve himself because his erection was so far gone. The thought of doing something like that before going up to hold his babies was unthinkable. Before long, he was comfortable enough to go be with his family.

*******

Dinner had gone rather well, with the conversation mostly concerning a beautiful set of twins. Eric felt the pull on his heartstrings, seeing pictures of his grandchildren for the first time. He would ask Giles tomorrow if he was carrying any pictures of Abigail.

It was wonderful seeing his son looking so happy and carefree, for the first time since that dreadful time thirteen months ago. His guilt over not taking better care of his boy had hurt more then he ever let anyone know. The time he spent with William, as the young man worked out his issues and rehabbed his hand, brought an understanding how special his boy really was.

Eric knew it was now or never as he approached William. Wesley had encouraged him that telling the young man tonight that he could be his father, would be for the best. It could possibly be what Will needed before facing what tomorrow might bring.

"Will, can I talk to you in private for a moment?" Eric asked, hoping he was not making a mistake.

William felt nervous all of a sudden, as he nodded yes. He followed his mentor thinking, what in the world, the music legend, wanted to talk to him about alone. Eric was the only one aware that two men shared a worried look.

Both men entered Eric's suite, feeling anxious and unsure of the other. One man prayed he didn't lose this young man after his confession. The other man hoped his mentor was not breaking his ties with him.

"Will, please have a seat." Eric said while waving the young man over to one of the chairs. "Please bear with me."

William felt his heart race as he asked, "Did I do something wrong?"

Eric felt a sudden jolt of anger, as he thought about the damage Ethan and Fred had done to this man. He quickly reassured him by saying, "No! You've done nothing wrong. In fact I'm very proud of what you've accomplished with your life."

William's face became flushed, embarrassed at the man's praise as he replied, "It's because of my family and friends, like you, believing in me."

Eric smiled as he decided to just come out and say what needed to be said. "William, I'm not sure how you will take this, but I can't keep it to myself any more. The moment I saw you I knew. You have your mother's eyes."

"You knew my mother?" Spike asked, totally surprised at what he was hearing.

"Yes, I knew her very well. But I let my life get out of control. The drugs, drinking, women, and the God complex people thrust upon me pushed me over the edge. I realize now I handled things poorly, but I got so caught up in the madness, I lost my perspective. I lost your mother, and maybe the chance to raise my firstborn."

William's eyes grew large as the explanation took hold, asking, "Are you saying you could be my father?"

"Yes, I could be your father, in fact I believe in my heart that you are my son."

"Would you want me to be your son?" William's voice soft and insecure.

"God! William! It would be a pleasure, a dream come true, if you indeed are my son." Eric said, with a look of intense longing on his face.

"So, you've thought about this, have you?' William asked, unable to keep the suspicious tone out of his voice.

"Yes, I had to get past my fear you wouldn't want anything to do with me. Blame me, like I blame myself, for not being there for you or your mother." Eric explained, hoping the young man would see the truth of what he was saying to him.

"Or were you waiting to see if I was good enough to be called your son?"

Eric moved quickly, taking William's face between his hands, tears in his eyes as he said, "You don't know how much I wanted to crawl into that hospital bed. Pull you in my arms, and take all the pain away. I almost fell again myself, but knowing I had to be strong for you stopped me."

"Why now?" William asked as he made no attempt to pull away. The touch was the only thing making him believe this was really happening.

"I vowed that I would do everything I could to help you. I made Liliah contact Wesley. I trust that man with my life. I stayed close, thinking it would be best to be your friend. Just recently, I felt strong enough to chance losing you by telling you the truth. Your possible rejection of me from your life scared the Hell out of me."

"Does anyone else know?"

"Just Wesley, Linda, and Giles confronted me about it today."

"How does Linda feel about this?" William asked, preparing for the rejection.

Eric chuckled as he replied, "You’re too skinny and she needs to fatten you up."

William laughed as he leaned his head against Eric's shoulder, his possible father. It lessened a bit of the darkness away from what Ethan had done, just a little. At least if it was true, and Eric was his father, it wasn't his actual father that violated him so.

Eric felt encouraged as he wrapped his arms around his son, pulling him closer to him. He didn't need any test to tell him what his heart already knew.

"Welcome home, son." Eric's voice raspy from the emotions he was trying to hold back.

William started to cry as he returned the hug and whispered, "Thanks, Eric. But don't you think we should find out first for sure."

"If you want too, we can. But I know what my heart tells me. My blood flows through your veins. You are my son. The greatest gift your mother could give me that was lost but now found." Eric reassured him, as his arms tightened around the special someone his Annie left him.

"Is this just our little secret or do we tell anyone?" William asked as he let his father pull him closer.

"We start by telling everyone you want to know. I have a tentative meeting set up this coming Tuesday, with Wolfram and Hart's New York office to discuss our options. I want to claim you as my son, if that is okay with you." Eric shared his plan as he felt William pull out of his embrace and step back.

"They will ask for testing to confirm, I’m sure of it." William said as he thought, of all what it would mean, and the things they might ask.

"William, they can test if they want the DNA, but that's all. I know in my heart you're mine. Even Giles sees the resemblance."

"What about my last name?" William asked, feeling the excitement grow the more he came to realize that the man standing before him was his father.

"Would you mind changing it to Stewart? Eric asked and then teased by saying, "And don't forget you get two younger brothers, and a very over protective step-mother in this all inclusive package."

"Will you tell me about your relationship with my mother?" William asked, wondering how different his mother would have been with Eric then with Ethan.

"Everything you would want to know."

"Can I call you Da?" Will asked, noticing the excited look come over his father's face.

"As long as I can call you son," Eric reassured him, "We are now family, and it looks like its grown leaps and bounds. You have given me grandchildren, and the Giles family will be considered family as well."

"God this is real, you really are going to accept me as your son."

"There is no accepting about it, you are. I can feel it here, to be true." Eric explained as he placed his right hand over his heart.

"I felt a something too; I just thought it was hero worship."

Eric chuckled and replied, "Well, don't most son's worship their father."

William laughed as he let it sink in, Eric, not Ethan was his father. The knowledge that his father had not molested him lifted a large weight off his chest. The realization that he would never be like the man that hurt him, made it easier for him to believe he would be a great father to his kids.

"God, I'm free of him. I feel he has no power to hurt me anymore, he's not my father." William said without thinking, forgetting this man didn't know about his abuse at the hands of Ethan Rayne. "Oh, Lord, that wasn't supposed to come out."

Eric quickly reassured him, "William, what he did was wrong and you didn't ask for or deserve it. He was a sick bastard and I'm so sorry I wasn't there to protect you."

"You know?"

"Remember, I said I was there and wanted to crawl in and hold you, to make all the monsters go away. I love you, faults and all, just like I hope you will come to love me, including all my faults." Eric said, as he cupped the side of his son's face gently with his hand. "You make me proud and I would be honored to call you my son." He would never stop telling this brave young man how proud he was of him.

"He threatened me right before the gig in LA. Told me he had pictures of us, he was going to put on the internet, if I didn't pay him ten thousand dollars a month." William sighed, "Maybe this would not be a good thing coming out about us being father and son. Might push the man over the edge and he will release them for all to see."

"Will, Ethan is dead. We weren't going to tell you until after tomorrow. He can no longer hurt you." Eric reassured him.

"He's dead? How long ago?"

"Six months ago, was found beaten in Vegas." Eric explained.

"Oh, God! What if someone has the pictures?"
"We would have heard something by now. I don't believe there were any pictures, and if there are, we'll deal with them then." Eric again reassured him, truly believing Ethan was lying about having any pictures. "I don't think Ethan would've been so stupid to have taken pictures of abusing a young boy. He wouldn't want that kind of evidence around."

William relaxed, realizing what Eric said made sense. He then looked at his father and asked, "Would you be with me tomorrow while I let Wesley hypnotize me?"

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. I'm here for better or worse, my Son." Eric answered and was pleasantly shocked when William smiled and said, "Thanks, Da. It means a lot to me that you'll be there."

Eric put his arm around his son's shoulders and said, "I think someone is anxiously waiting to see if his boy is okay."

William felt warm all over; enjoying the contact, he always envied Angel and Giles their camaraderie. "Then I guess we had better let Giles know everything is okay."

"Yes, we should." Eric squeezed him closer before dropping his arm.


*******

Dinner at the Finn's was quiet and tense. Neither knew how to get back to their easy relationship, with all that had happened over the last couple of days. After dinner, they followed their same routine that they did every night. Feed, burp, bath, and put the twins to bed, hopefully for the night.

Buffy waited for when the best time would be for them to talk. She needed to let her husband know she needed some time to think. Not knowing how he was going to react to what she was going to ask of him, made her more nervous.

Riley realized now would be a good time to see if Buffy was ready to talk. They walked into the living room, after putting the babies to bed. He wanted so bad to know how the day with William went. She had offered up no information, and he hadn’t asked, until now.

"So how did it go today?" He asked, seeing how she smiled and looked up toward the twin's room.

"It went rather well, he's really good with them and they are good for him." Her reply so soft and wishful.

"Buffy, can we talk?" he asked, noticing her shoulders tense up and her back grow straighter.

"I guess it's time we did."

"Yeah, I do too."

"I guess we should make ourselves comfortable then." She offered as she took a seat on the loveseat.

Riley sat down on the couch across from her, "Buffy first I want to say I don't regret the time we've spent together."

Buffy smiled sadly as she also said, "Me neither, I don't think I would've made it without your support."

"What do you want, Buffy?"

"God, that is a question I've been asking myself for sometime now." Buffy sighed, "What I want to do now is take my time and think everything through. I don't want to make any more mistakes that could hurt the people I care about if I can help it. I see it now that we didn't really think it all out, and see where it landed us."

"I know, but I want you to know I will not hold you to your vows if you decide William is the one you want to be with. I know you care about me, and all I want is for you to be happy. If he is what makes you happy then you should do everything in your power to make it right between the two of you." Riley felt like his heart was breaking, but his soul felt freer for taking Graham's advice. He was offering her, her freedom.

"Riley, what about you?" Buffy asked, seeing the sincerity in his words and expression.

"I have to believe that my special someone is out there waiting for me. My world will not end, if you don't choose me. Yes my heart will have a few cracks, but nothing that will not heal with time." Riley reassured her, finding it easier to say this to her then he'd thought it would be.

He couldn't help but think that maybe Graham was right, could it be he did love Buffy, but was not in love with Buffy after all. Would it be this easy to let someone you're in love with go? He was sure it shouldn't be so easy, and it gave him hope. Hope that one day he'd find the one he was meant to be with.

"Riley, I do care about you, I really believe I love you, but more like a friend." Buffy explained, hoping he understood what she was about to ask. "I hope we can still be friends, you have come to mean a great deal to me, and I would hate to lose touch with you."

Riley felt happy she still wanted to be friends, as he replied, "I would be disappointed if you didn't want to keep in touch. I would be happy to be a part of the twin's lives if I could."

"You will always be special to me. I just think I need to take my time and see if being with William is what I want, or if I want to be on my own first and find out who Buffy Summers is and what she wants out of life." Buffy sighed, realizing she did need to find out who she was, before she could be an equal partner to William or anyone else.

"I will help you any way I can, you know that don't you?" He asked.

"Yeah, I know that, but right now all I need if for you to be my friend. We will learn how we can be friends as we go." Buffy smiled, feeling like she could breathe for the first time since William came back into her life.

"Sounds like a plan Summers, I will talk with Graham tomorrow and see what are best option would for us."

"Riley."

"Yeah."

"Thank you for being you."

Riley smiled, "You’re welcome, and thank you for letting me share the unforgettable experience of a lifetime, Ryan and Molly's birth will always be the best thing that ever happened to me."

"I hope you remain a part of our lives." Buffy sniffled; thinking one day a woman was going to be very lucky when she married this man.

"I will."

"So, how do we handle this?"

"Like friends would, support each other and keep in mind it's not the end of the world." Riley smiled, as he stood up to leave. "I'll move into the guest room for now. I will call Graham tomorrow and see if he can make time for us. I don't see the need for two lawyers do you?"

"No, I believe we can work it out together with Graham's help."

"I agree." He signed, "Goodnight, Buffy. Sleep well."

"You too, Riley, and I will see you in the morning." Buffy replied as she watched him leave the room.

She sat down and realized she and William had a long ways to go before being together, together. So much they needed to work out, so much she needed to work out. There were still major mother and drug issues she needed finally deal with. She knew she'd forgiven William, but could she forget what happened and accept him back in her life so deeply again.

"Yes, I can. I love him and he loves me. Together we can make a difference in our lives for the better." She said as she laid down on the couch and relived her day with the man she loved more then ever, and who gave her the most perfect gifts in the world.

What can I say...I'm sad it has come to an end. I was afraid to post this story, but it was something I had to do. I wanted to stretch myself and to a point I did. It was supposed to not have a happy ending. Just wasn't able to do it.

For those of you who by your reviews kept me posting, I THANK YOU from the top and bottom of my heart. For the few that have kept with this story, I THANK YOU as well. For as hard as it was for you to read, it was double that for me to write. I want to thank Mrs. Muir for her wonderful beting and encouragement....for without her there would be no story here. Ashlee, thanks for the moral support...it was greatly appreciated. Now on to the story, and I hope you are as happy with the ending as I am......


17 years later

"Mom, where's dad?" Ryan asked.

"He will be right back."

"Where did he go?"

"Ryan, he had an errand to run, now scoot and get ready, everyone will be here before you know it."

"I wish I could have gone with him."

"I’m beginning to wish the same, but don't worry he will be here to save you from the female population shortly, now go and get ready." Buffy teased as her 18-year-old son rolled his eyes and walked out of her bedroom.

She turned to finish getting ready. It wasn't everyday you celebrated your children graduating from high school. Suddenly she remembered what made it possible for today to happen.

Buffy remembered the conversation with Dr. Walsh that sent her down the road of going after what was hers. She walked out of the doctor's office that day with one goal in mind. William was going to be hers again, and this time no one was going to take him away from her.

Buffy anxiously sat in Maggie Walsh's office, wondering if she was doing the right thing. She had never talked about her mother with anyone before, or her father. She had always believed the rule, don't talk about it, then it didn't happen.

"Buffy, I'm sorry, had a phone call I had to take." Maggie apologized as she entered her office.

"Not a problem, gave me more time to gather my courage, actually." Buffy replied, understanding how things came up no matter how hard you plan something.

"I think we left off with talking about your mother's addiction and how it affected your relationship with her." Maggie started, after looking at her notes from their last session together.

"The fact is she loved the drugs more then me."

"Buffy, do you really think you can measure someone's love if they can't choose you over their addictions?"

"Yes!" Buffy firmly answered.

"I think you should be asking why her addictions were able to take over her life. Most of the time you don't realize the painful reality the addict is hiding from. There are issues that pressured them to make rash decisions, and not always good ones. It starts out making them feel good, better, like they can overcome what brought them to this crossroads of sorts. Gives them a false sense of security that sneaks up on you in the end and pulls the rug out from under them and rips control away from them." Maggie tried to explain her theory.

"Could she not see what she was doing to me?"

"I can't speak for your mother. All I can say from what you've told me, is she never stopped trying to stop. I see that as she did care and most likely loved you. Maybe her inner demon was stronger, overpowering her ability to win the war against her addiction."

"Could you say the same about William?"

"From what you've shared, it looks like William has come a long way in his treatment. So much has happened in his life, and it looks as if he has found he is stronger then his demons."

"Yes, he has. I'm sure you're right about my mom. She did have a hard time of it, with my father's abuse and how he left her for another woman the way he did."

"Yes, it sounds like your father was not a very nice person."

"He beat her and called her all kinds of names. He never laid a hand on me, but his words hurt just as much."

"Buffy, I have one question to ask you and I don't want you to think really hard about the answer."

"Okay."

"Do you want to spend the rest of your life with William?"

Buffy's eyes grew large as she answered quickly, "Yes!"

"Then what do you think you should do to make that happen?"

"I need to find it in myself to give him another chance."

"Is he worth fighting for?"

"Yes!"

"Then I think you know if you are ready to give him a second chance or not."

Buffy looked at the woman on the other side of the desk, wondering how this woman knew what she wanted. Not only that, the woman knew how to make her realize so clearly what she needed to do. "Maggie, are you Wesley in disguise?"

Maggie laughed as she replied, "No, but I take that as a compliment."

"Oh, yeah, you both have a gift, and I hope you realize how truly special you both are."

"Thank you." Maggie said humbly.

"Well, it looks like I have a future and a man to go and claim as mine."

Maggie smiled as she held out her hand and said, "You go and do just that. You both deserve to be happy."

Buffy returned the smile as she shook the woman's hand before leaving. She suddenly felt she needed to see William and inform him she was going to fight for him, and God help anyone that stood in her way.

*******

He stood, just outside their bedroom door, watching his wife. She was trying to select which pair of earrings she was going to wear. In his eyes, she was still the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. Her expressions as she tried to decide what piece would look right with her simple pastel sundress, made him smile. He wanted to take her where she stood and show her just how much he still enjoyed worshiping her body.

No one had ever touched his heart and soul as deeply as she did. From the moment he first met her, he knew, she was the one. He knew without her, his life would be incomplete and he would have just wandered about lost and alone.

William heard a familiar voice calling his name, as he opened the car door. Looking to his left he saw Buffy running towards him. He was on his way to the airport, since he and his father was meeting with the lawyers, concerning the legal formalities that would legally make him Eric's son.

"William, don't go yet." Buffy yelled.

He stepped back and waited as she drew closer, wishing she were coming to tell him she wanted him. Before he knew it she was in his arms with her arms around his neck, kissing him with everything she had it would seem. Never thinking twice he wrapped his arms around her, pulling closer as he started to return the kiss.

"I needed to see you before you left." Buffy panted when she came up for air. "I wanted to tell you I will miss you while you're gone, and to hurry home."

"Buffy?" He said her name with a questionable tone.

"William, I want you to come back to me. I want us to work at trying again, be a family."

"Are you sure?" He asked, his voice barely a whisper.

"You are mine, Mister. I lost you once and I will not lose you again." Buffy reassured him as she leaned down and put her forehead to his and asked, "I know I might be going too fast, but William, will you grow old with me?"

He twirled her around laughing as he stared at her in awe, "There is nothing I want more in the world then to spend the rest of my days on this earth with you."

"I love you Will."

"I love you too, baby, more then you'll ever know."

"We can talk more when you get back."

"I will call you when I get settled, you just keep you and my babies safe until I get back."

"Just come home to me."

He could see some of the fear and anxiety in her eyes as he replied, "I know what its like without you, and I never want to feel that way again."

"Well, I guess we are stuck together then." She giggled before she leaned in to nibble on his lips. "Lips of Spike, Spike's lips, all mine."

"Yeah, baby, all yours." He smiled, knowing he was back now.

"Love the reunion, and I'm very happy for you both." Eric chuckled, as he watched the couple that he deemed perfectly matched. "But, if we don't move it we will miss the last flight that will get us there in time for the meeting."

"You, sir had better take care of my future." Buffy warned him, giving Spike's father a mocking glare.

"I will bring him back as soon as I can, you have my word." Eric promised the young woman he envisioned becoming his daughter one day soon.

"Spike, I meant it when I asked you to grow old with me." Buffy sighed.

"I know, Luv. I meant it when I said I'd wait until the end of the world for you, if I had too."

"Come home soon."

"Shouldn't be more then two days, three at the most," Eric informed her.

"Now, give us a kiss and let me go and let my father make me legally his son."

"I'm so happy for you, and I love you." Buffy kissed him as she slid down his body, wanting him to feel what would be waiting for him when he got back.

"God! Woman!" Spike growled as he felt her move against him.

"Have a safe trip." She said right before she kissed his briefly before stepping back.

He got in the car and then turned to watch her face as they drove away. His heart almost stopped beating when she blew him a kiss. Once he heard her call him Spike he knew, he was back, fully, back now.

"Dad?" Ryan whispered, having stood next to the man for a few moments watching his father look adoringly at his mother.

The open love for each other that his parents showed the world never made him feel embarrassed. Instead, it made him want to find that special someone that would make him feel the same way they did for each other.

His son's voice shook him out of his thoughts as he turned his attention to the young man, "Son."

"Can we talk?"

"Sure, anytime you know that."

Ryan gave him a nervous smile telling him the young man had something important and private to say to him. He gave his unsuspecting wife one last look before following his son to his room.

He took a seat at the desk and watched as Ryan paced anxiously in the room. It reminded him of someone else, bringing a smile to his face, thinking to himself, "Like father like son."

"Dad, I've been wanting to have this talk for the longest."

"Sounds serious."

Ryan looked over at this father and finally blurted it out, "I've decided not to join the Army and I want to take a year off from school. I want to live on my own get a regular job and work with the band and just be normal."

He looked at his son and smiled, "You know I will support you anyway I can, but you have to make me a promise."

"What kind of promise?"

"Well a couple actually. First you and me will have to face your mother together, she might not be too happy with your sudden decision."

He was not about to tell his son that his mother and father had already figured that one out. In fact, last night he and Buffy had talked about how they would handle the fact he might be following a family tradition. Since the love and making of music ran in the family.

"But it's not sudden, just never had the courage to talk about it before."

"I'm sorry to hear that, I was sure you felt you could come to me and talk about anything." A touch of disappointment could be heard in his voice.

"I can, I just needed to be sure it was what I wanted first, with out any doubt. I needed to figure it out on my own, wanting to make a grown up decision on my own. Then I had to build up the courage, to tell you guys, thinking I might be letting you and mom down in some way."

"Then I take it you've really thought about this."

"Yes, I want to go back to school and study music, but I want to take a year off first and just relax. I want to teach, I found I really enjoy teaching music. What else?"

"The other is to stay away from drugs and don't drink too much."

"Dad!"

"I'm sorry, I worry about it, I trust you. I'm just afraid to lose you that way."

"I swear, no drugs and don't like beer anyway. Anything else?"

"When you find the one, and you will know when you meet her, never let her go."

"I promise."

"Then you have my support and I will do everything in my power to be there for you. Never for a moment have you let me down, never doubt that I want what's best for you. Sometimes the best is being true to yourself, no matter what."

"I love you, Dad." Ryan hugged his father, knowing the hardest one to really talk to would be next.

"I love you, my boy, always have and always will. But I think we need to leave the telling mom until tomorrow. Don't want to ruin the party for everyone else." He chuckled as he returned the hug.

"Can I show you the apartment me and the guys found to share tomorrow?"

"Sure, could be I might have to move in with you." He teased.

"Mom would never kick you out, she's as crazy about you as you are of her." Ryan snorted.

"Let's get ready before the troops arrive and the party begins."

*******

Buffy turned around after fixing her hair again for the umpteenth time and found her husband staring at her with a twinkle in his eyes. She felt a warm feeling over come over her as she wished the world away. The fact he still wanted her after all this time made her heart flutter and her body crave his touch.

"You, mister, had better behave, we have company coming soon."

"How soon?"

"Soon enough. You need to start getting ready."

"But I'm ready for you anytime, anywhere."

"Not that ready." She giggled as she pointed to the nice slacks and shirt she had laid out for him. "Nice family occasion, pictures, mingling, and celebrating our children's graduation."

"God, where has all the time gone?" His voiced, as he looked around the room, only to end up smiling suggestively at her.

"I guess its true time flies when you're having fun, and mister, I've loved every minute of it."

"Have you now?" He chuckled as he undressed her with his eyes while his tongue curled behind his teeth.

She knew there was no way she was getting out of this room with out her husband having his way with her. Giving him a sexy smile she reached behind her back and unzipped her dress, slipping it off and laying it carefully on the back of the chair so not to wrinkle.

"I can't believe you still get so turned on thinking about me."

"Oh, but baby, I love your body. The changes here are because of the children we made together. This beautiful body harbored four of my children, and gives me more pleasure then a man could ask for. As the song says, 'you are the wind beneath my wings'."

She flew into his embrace with tears in her eyes, "You are mine and I'm yours until death do us part."

He carried her, with her body wrapped around his, to their bed. He lay her softly on the bed gazing at her adoringly. Thanking whoever was responsible for bringing her back into his life, giving him a second chance.

"Yes, and even beyond. I will find you I promise." He gasped as he hands moved under her slip pushing her panties aside as his fingers slipped inside her warmth. "So wet for me Pet, been thinking about me have you or was it the mailman?

"Oh, you, it's Sunday, no mail comes on Sunday." She moaned as she worked at getting his pants undone, after he'd removed her panties.

He chuckled, "No, but we will." He groaned she freed his hard cock, stroking it as she positioned him at the warm, wet entrance to her body.

Buffy moaned and laughed at the same time as she begged, "I want you, baby, now, please."

"Anything you wish for baby that I can give you I will." He sighed with contentment as he thrust up inside her warmth. Feeling complete, whole, since every time they made love, it was like coming home.

"I love you!"

"I know, and I love you back!"

"I know!"

The guests had started to arrive, their smiles full of understanding when the kids told them their mother was helping their father get ready for the party. Angel out right laughed as he kissed Cordy full on the mouth and gave her a saucy wink.

*******

Buffy stood on the porch watching all the people gathered to help them celebrate Ryan's, Molly's, and Abby's graduation. Giles and Jenny were sitting talking to Angel and Cordy. Willow, Oz, Xander, Anya, where mingling together by the pool watching the younger ones swim. Penn and his wife Darla were playing Frisbee with a small group of teenagers.

Her husband and love of her life was slow dancing with Abby as if she was the bell of the ball. Eric and his family mingled around, with the big proud grandfather watching proudly as Spike and Abby danced. Wesley with his wife Kate was conversing with Faith and Robin. Everyone's children were playing, talking, and having fun.

She had contacted Jenny soon after deciding she wanted a life with William. At first, she was leery about meeting the little baby, but seeing Abby's smile, so like her fathers, she couldn't refuse wanting to take her home with her. Where William could only see Fred, she was able to see how much she resembled her father more then her mother.

"Buffy, I'm so glad you came." Jenny's voice sincere and she looked so happy to see her. "I will support any decision Will makes, but she's so loved here, I would hate to lose her."

She walked up to Will's aunt, noticing the little cherub in the woman's arms. The fear she would not be able to look at this innocent being and feel nothing haunted her. The last thing she needed was to hold a baby accountable for her mother's crimes.

"So this is Abby?" She asked as she moved closer, wondering if she'd see anything of Spike in this baby.

The baby, having heard her name looked up from where she was lying on Jenny's shoulder. The moment their eyes met, she was lost. The bluest eyes she ever saw, the same as her father's, bore into her soul. There was no way she was going to let this baby be without her daddy. The bond was formed as she lifted the baby in her arms and claimed her as family.

"Welcome home Abby." Buffy said, making Jenny say, "I knew you would love her. I just knew it."

"Thank you for bringing her to meet me. It might take some time, but I will get Spike to accept her." Buffy promised.

That day when Jenny placed the baby in her arms, the mother instincts took over. There was no way she was going to let this innocent lovable baby get lost in the shuffle that Fred had created. It had taken time, energy, and a great deal of patience to get William to open his heart to her. It was during this time they also came to an understanding about their future.

When Abby turned fifteen years old, and started to question hers and the twin's close birthdays, was when they made an appointment with Maggie Walsh. They had decided along with Maggie's advice to let it all come about naturally. It hadn't been as hard as they thought it might have been. Abby accepted that her natural mother had been ill, and the woman who raised her, did it with love for her.

*******

Spike thought back as he danced with Abby, to when Buffy had placed her into his arms. It had been the first time he laid eyes on the living reminder of his dark times. He listened as Buffy told her how beautiful she was, and how she looked so much like her father.

"Will, really look at her. Other then her hair, she looks like you. She has your eyes, your nose and cheeks. She is your daughter, a baby who needs her father. It's okay to love her, for she is lovable. Listen how she's cooing to you."

The longer he held her the more his heart warmed to her presence. Buffy's words sunk in and he started to really look at the little bundle of wiggling flesh. He could see everything Buffy was telling him. There really was no resemblance of Fred about her. He could see his eyes, his mother's eyes, looking back at him."

The moment her little hands touched his cheeks, he was lost. The tears flowed as he leaned in to breathe deep her baby scent. Her baby noises, made him smile as she babbled on as if she was talking to him.

"Abby, girl, I'm your daddy." He sighed as he leaned in and kissed her forehead and pulled her close to his chest.

"We can raise her together as if she belongs to us." Buffy whispered as she wrapped her arms around both of them. "We will love her enough, so when we tell her the truth about her mother, she will know she is loved no matter what. We can do this Spike, I know it."

He looked at her, feeling for the first time all the ghosts from that dark time in his life was being laid to rest. The last piece of the puzzle was now in place. Abby was going to be a part of his life now, not only his, but with Buffy as well.

He had come to understand that he had tried to fight Fred's black magic, since being hypnotized. Between his weakened state of going through withdrawals and his battered self-esteem, she had won. It was like Ethan had prepared him for her invasion into his mind, making it easy for Fred to slip in and reprogram him to suit her needs.
It was not that he had not loved Buffy enough, but that Fred had known his weaknesses, and used them against him. She took advantage of his condition, plying him with more drugs then he needed and others that were illegal. Then when he finally broke thru, it was too late, and the damage already been done. He could not handle what he had done with Fred and so he tried to end it all with a slip of a piece of glass.

Wesley had figured everything out, she had used the first time she had raped him to implant her suggestions and code words. The words that allowed her to program him to fit her needs and desires. When confronted with the bunch of pills, his real self found a crack and started to fight to be free. It was this battle, between his own self and whom Fred had created that had led to him slicing his wrist, in hopes all the pain would go away.

Wesley's patience and fortitude is what helped bring back to the living and sanity.
The good doctor had figured out he'd been programmed and was able to effectively deprogram him. But the damage had been so deep his subconscious had tucked it all away, nice and safe place, until he was ready to face it.

To this day he thanked God, and any other higher power that made things in his life so much richer. His career flourished, and now the band held legend status around the world. More importantly was the fact his personal life satisfied him more then he thought possible.

*******

Buffy continued to watch as her friends and family visited and caught up with each other. The most important people in her life were here today. Life with Spike had been one big adventure. They loved, fought, made up, played with their children and made more. She honestly had no regrets in choosing to follow her heart.

The one thing that surprised everyone was how well Riley and Tara had hit it off when they first met. She introduced them to each other, at the twin's first birthday party. They dated for about a year, and were now happily married going on fifteen years. Today they stood over talking to Ryan, as her son was having a deep conversation that had Riley looking sad for a moment, before his boyish smile returned.

She found her Molly standing by a young man that graduated with her, talking and smiling together. The couple's interaction was not lost on her husband either, noticing him send a worried glance their way a few times.

Henry was playing Frisbee with his two uncles, laughing and looking more like her then his father. She could remember the day she told William she was pregnant with him. The look of awe on his face, as he kneeled down crying as he held her, melted her heart and caused her to fall more in love with her husband.

Then there was Joyce Anne, who at this moment was trying to dunk Alex, Xander's oldest in the pool. She knew her daughter had a crush on the young man. Xander and William had even gone so far to try to betroth them. Alex being 16 soon to be 17 compared to her 13 years of age. Linda was sitting at the side of the pool egging her granddaughter on and giving her tips how to get the upper hand on how to dunk Alex.

*******

Spike glanced toward his better half, noticing the serene expression on his wife's face and sighed. He would never get tired of looking at her, no matter how long they managed to stay together.

"Hey, Kitten, I think gramps there is wanting a turn." Spike teased, as he kissed his daughter's forehead before handing her off to his father. "Precious cargo here, handle with care."

Eric laughed as he took his granddaughter in his arms.

"Hi, gramps, missed me?" Abby asked, as she knew she was soon to be replaced by her mother. "Give Mom a big fat kiss for me."

"Your wish is my command, Princess." Spike chuckled as he went to spend some quality time with the love of his life.

"Hey, Mister!"

"Oh, she speaks. I had first thought you a vision, a figment of my imagination." Spike sighed as he joined her on the porch.

He stepped up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist, pulling her backside up against him. "You even feel so real." He said right before he nuzzled her neck with his lips, "Hmmm, you taste very real, and have me craving you."

"I love it, my own personal taste tester." She giggled as she relaxed against him, tilting her head to the side, giving him better access to her neck.

"I would feast on you for weeks and never be satisfied. I will want you for the rest of my life. Do you think you can handle that?"

"If you promise me many, many, wonderful orgasms, then I might be able too." She teased, letting the Anya in her come out.

"Let's go upstairs and see what I can do in the orgasm department." He groaned as he started to rub is semi erection up against her, causing her to softly moan.

"We have guests."

"They can work out their own orgasms." He joked as he let her feel how she affected him, letting her feel how hard she made him in such a short amount of time.

"So, did Ryan finally tell you he didn't want to join the Army?"

Spike laughed as he leaned in to rub his nose against her hair, loving the smell, as he answered, "Yeah, we're going to talk to you tomorrow. He as an apartment he wants me to look at with him."

"Good, Ryan is just not the, 'be all you can be', in the army kind of guy. He's more like, 'play my guitar like my daddy', kind of man." Buffy sighed, relieved her oldest son was no longer looking at a career in the armed forces.

"I gave him the ground rules as we discussed."

"I feel better, knowing, believe it or not." Buffy replied as she laid her head back against her husband's chest. "Can you believe it, come September there will only be Henry and Joyce left at home. We're getting old, Will."

"No, baby, we are aging like a fine wine." He teased, as he started to sway back and forth to the music, loving how her body instinctively followed his.

"Abby is going away to Harvard, and Molly is going to NYU. They're going to be on the other side of the country." Buffy pouted. "How can I know my girls will be safe?"

"I could hire some body guards, older, ugly, with bad body odor." Spike offered, trying hard to keep from laughing.

"Not funny, you." She snorted as she playfully stomped her feet.

"We'll just have to visit them often. Ryan will still be in town to help watch our remaining rugrats."

"Before you know it, one of them will be married." Buffy sighed, not ready for her girls to be so far away from her.

"Stop it, it's enough I worry what they do on their dates, but to think of them having marital sex…it's too much for a father to take." Spike teased, trying to lighten his wife's worries.

He knew Buffy would want to keep her children close, wanting them safe. The reason he understood, was because, he felt the same way. How could he keep his children safe when they had a whole continent between them?

"Do you think it will be easier with our youngest? The letting them go without worrying about them so much." She asked, as she snuggled deeper into her husband's arms.

"Honestly, Luv, we will worry about them until the day we die." Spike sighed, knowing he hated the day anything happened to someone he loved.

"Thank you!"

"For what, Pet?"

"For giving me all of this," She said as she waved her hand, encompassing every thing and everyone before them. "Without you, none of this would be possible."

Spike smiled as he leaned down and whispered in her ear, "No, baby, if not for us, none of this would be."

"Spike?"

"Yeah baby."

"Will you grow old with me?"

"That's the best offer I had today." He teased.

"Spike?"

"Yes, Luv."

"Take me upstairs and make love to me."

"God, I thought you'd never ask." He groaned as he pulled her back with him as he led her into the house and carried her up to their bedroom.


The End

I want to thank whoever nominated this story for best angst over at love's last glimpse.....I never thought that would happen and was stunned and still in a bit of shock......again thanks ever you are for making my day and the pain I put myself through writing it....even more worth it.......