“Are you hurt? You’re not moving so well.”

“Get out.”

“We have to talk.”

Buffy shook her head in the negative. “We really don’t.”

“Well this isn’t just about you as much as you’d like it to be,” Spike said shutting the bathroom door.

“You spoke. I listened. Now leave,” she replied folding her arms over her chest.

Spike looked her in the eye, the expression on his face tender.

“I’m sorry. Not that it matters anymore now. But I needed you to know that.”

“Why?”

“Cuz I care about you.”

“Then you might want to try the not sleeping with my friends.”

“I didn’t go to Anya for that. I was looking for a spell.”

“You were going to use a spell on me?” Buffy asked in disbelief.

Spike sighed. “It wasn’t for you. I wanted something, anything to make these feelings stop. I just wanted it to stop.”

Spike looked down and sighed again.

“You should have let him kill me,” Spike said under his breath, the anguish evident in his voice.

“I couldn’t do that,” Buffy whispered.

“Why?” He glanced back at her, his face hopeful.

“You know why.”

“Because you love me.”

“No I don’t.”

“Why do you keep lying to yourself?”

Buffy who was bent over the tub turning off the water, spun around and faced him.

“How many times—I have feelings for you. I do. But it’s not love. I could never trust you enough for it to be love.”

Spike laughed and shook his head.

“Trust is for old marrieds, Buffy. Great love… Is wild and passionate and dangerous. It burns and it consumes…”

“Until there’s nothing left. Love like that doesn’t last,” she said cynically.

“I know you feel like I do. You don’t have to hide it anymore.”

Spike moved around in front of her, agitated.

“Spike, please stop this.” Buffy rolled her eyes and sighed.

“Let yourself feel it.” Spike closed the distance between them and slid one arm about her waist.

“No.” Buffy pushed his arm away.

“You love me,” Spike said attempting to hold her.

“Ow, no. Stop it!” Buffy tried to push Spike off of her but he held steady.

“You love me,” he insisted moving closer still, trying to get his arms around her.

“Spike, stop! Ow! What are you doing? Ow!” Buffy started to get a little scared of his manhandling. Spike was acting totally out of control. He repeatedly tried to grab her and she desperately started to fend off his attack. He paid her objections no mind, his movements becoming frenzied as his hands groped her body. He appeared as if he were in a trance, like he wasn’t even aware that he was hurting her.

“Ow! Ohhhh!” Buffy fell backwards trying to escape him. Her hands grabbed a hold of the shower curtain and it gave way. She fell on the side of the tub hurting her already injured side, the shower curtain still clutched in her hand.

“Let it go,” Spike urged desperately, reaching for her and trying to kiss her. “Let yourself love me.”

“Buffy. Buffy...” Spike said, his hands framed on either side of her face. He tried desperately to kiss her.

“Spike… NO! Ow! I’m hurt!” Buffy protested.

She attempted to move away from him, desperately seeking to put some distance between herself and him, and ended up sprawled on her stomach. Spike straddled her waist, his legs on either side of her pinning her in place. The look on his face, as he gazed down upon her, was purely animalistic - as if his demon was suddenly in control.

“Stop! Ow! Stop it!” Buffy cried, tears gathering in her eyes to slip silently down her pale face.

“I knew you felt it...when I was inside you.”

Buffy grunted, her head vigorously shaking in a negative as she tried to throw him off. “NO! NO!”

She finally succeeded in kicking him off her prone body, but as he fell he grabbed her legs and pulled her back towards him. He flipped her around and got on top of her again, using his superior strength to pin her hands above her head.

“Please. Please!”

“Spike! Please stop!” she whimpered.

“You’ll feel it again, Buffy,” he said as he maneuvered himself between her legs.

“Spike… please, don’t do this.” Buffy frantically twisted her head and upper body from side to side trying to get mobile. She was desperate to get free as she struggled against him, not understanding his sudden violence towards her.

“I’m gonna make you feel it!” Spike roared his face full of anger, oblivious to her struggles and protestations.

“Stop! Please stop!” Buffy screamed.

Spike ripped at her robe, trying to get it off of her body. Buffy screamed louder, grabbing at his hands. She managed to get one of her legs up between their entwined bodies and kicked him hard in the stomach, sending him flying backwards into the wall. A shelf loaded with knick-knacks fell to the floor, shattering.

Buffy got shakily to her feet, pulling her robe together as she stood. She turned and looked at Spike, pure ice in her eyes. Spike got up and looked at her, his face blank, his mind asking him what the hell had just happened.

“Ask me again why I could never love you.” Her voice dripped pure venom.

“Buffy, my God! I didn’t mean...” Spike trailed off, his voice full of remorse.

“Because I stopped you!” she raged. Buffy’s eyes were full of tears as she clutched the front openings of her robe tightly together. “Something I should have done a long time ago.”

*~*

A little over two months had passed since that fateful night. Buffy stood in the same bathroom, wearing the same robe, gazing at her reflection in stunned disbelief. In her hand was a pregnancy test, its two lines bold and clear in the answer window.

“No way.” Buffy put the stick down on the bathroom counter and looked at the directions again.

“When there are two lines present in the test window you are pregnant. If one line appears, then you are not pregnant,” Buffy read aloud. She glanced back down at the counter top where the test was laying. The two lines stared back mockingly at her, and if possible they seemed to get even darker.

“NO WAY!” she screamed, knocking the test and the directions into the trash. She moved to the door to open it but ended up slumping against it instead, her legs no longer supporting her as she slid slowly to the floor. Her mind drifted back to the last time she had been intimate with Spike.

“Tell me you love me.”

“I love you. You know I do,” Spike replied, his blue gaze blazing with his love for her.

“Tell me you want me.” Buffy took a step closer to Spike.

“I always want you,” he breathed. “In point of fact..”

“Shut up.” Buffy looked at him and then grabbed him, kissing him deeply. Spike gently pushed her down on top the sarcophagus before joining her, his body stretching out on top of hers. His used his lips and body to prove to her how much he loved her.

“What am I going to do now?” She whispered to herself as she hugged her knees to her chest.

*~*

“I’ll just come right out and tell them. It won’t be as bad as I think. They are my friends; they love me. Things can only get better,” Buffy was telling herself as she walked through the front door of the Magic Box. She walked into the shop and towards the table where her friends sat talking.

“Ok, guys… what I have to say can and will be shocking. But, just know I’m alone in this and I need your help.” Buffy looked up and saw her friends and sister had stopped talking to openly gawk at her.

“What’s up, Buff?” Xander asked. The others looked at him and nodded, turning their attention back to the blond-haired slayer.

“I’m pregnant.”

“What?” they all yelled. Xander fainted.

“Xander?” Willow called as she crouched down over his prone form. The rest of the Scoobies crowded in around him.

“Oh for Christ’s sake… just slap him,” Anya said before getting on her knees and slapping Xander hard across the face.

“Ow!” Xander cried, his eyes flying wide as his hand flew to cover his burning cheek. “I thought we weren’t gonna do the slapping anymore, Anya.” Xander looked at Anya, whose face was red with anger.

“What happened? Cuz all of a sudden I feel very weird. Was it a dream? Did I just dream Buffy said that she was pregnant? Am I going crazy?” Xander asked, pulling himself awkwardly to his feet and looking around confused.

“Xander, I am pregnant.” Buffy rolled her eyes and put her hands on her hips.

Xander’s shocked gaze flew to her face.

“Buffy do you know who the father is?” Tara’s shy voice asked her.

“It’s Spike’s,” she replied. This time five sets of shocked expressions zeroed in on her.

“How can that be? He’s a vampire. Can’t get pregnant from a vampire,” Willow rambled.

“Willow this is the Hellmouth, not Disneyland. Anything is possible here. Besides, he is the only one I’ve been with since I’ve been…uh, back,” Buffy announced, referring to her death and subsequent resurrection. As the anxiety over telling her friends faded, her body suddenly drained of adrenaline; she sank silently in a chair beside her sister. Dawn reached out and smoothed her hand over Buffy’s hair.

“It’ll be ok, Buffy. We’ll help…we’ll all help, and take good care of the baby,” Dawn said smiling encouragingly at her.

“Yeah, Buffy, we are all here for you. Anything you need… we are so there,” Willow said looking around at everyone. They all nodded in agreement at the witch’s words, looking at Buffy and smiling.

“Does Spike know?” Xander asked.

“No.”

“Are you going to tell him?”

“How would I do that, Xander? I don’t know where he is.”

“We could do a locating spell,” Willow chimed in.

Buffy shook her head. “No. Things were not good when he left. He’ll come back when he’s ready.”

‘If at all,’ Buffy thought.

*~*

It was hard in the months that followed the news of Buffy’s pregnancy and the disappearance of Spike. Buffy’s friends really rallied around her and helped with everything. Dawn took Buffy shopping for baby clothes and other necessities. Willow and Tara cast spells around her to keep the baby safe as she continued to patrol each night. Xander attended the Lamaze classes as her coach and built her baby furniture for her. Her father had even helped out by sending her and Dawn money each month. Which was both a shock and surprise to the Summers girls; Buffy didn’t want to take the money, but knew there was no other way. No one would hire a woman who was so far along in her pregnancy.

Giles had been called not long after Buffy had told her friends about the baby. They had asked him questions to see if he was aware of a vampire getting someone pregnant. Giles did some research and finally told them that sometimes stuff like this just happened. He hadn’t been able to locate a specific prophecy or anything on it. Sometimes, things were just meant to be. The moon and planets had aligned in the right positions making it possible for the vampire to be able to produce children. Buffy calmed down after that, knowing she didn’t need to worry about her child being a demon or anything of the sort.

When she was asked who the father of her baby was Buffy would only say that his name is William. And that William had gone away and she didn’t know where he was. When they asked if he knew about her baby she would say no, because if Spike had known before he left, he never would have disappeared.

Buffy had a lot of time to think while she was pregnant. She found herself contemplating the different aspects of her relationship with Spike either while on patrol or sitting up late at night with her cravings and insomnia. She began to understand why things happened the way they did the last time she had seen him. She realized that he wasn’t himself when he attempted to do what he did that night in the bathroom. She understood he didn’t know what he was doing, that he was running on pure desperation. That he loved her so greatly and so intensely that it was overwhelming.

She didn’t forgive him for trying what he did, but now knew why it had occurred. She had finally realized that he was right. She did love him. She had been numb and in pain from being back on this earth after she had known the love and comfort of being in heaven. What was amazing still was that he, Spike, a vampire, was the only one she could even stand to be around. He was the only one who could make her feel.

She would catch herself talking to her stomach and telling her baby all about its father... that even though he wasn’t with them, he loved them both very much. She had no idea if or when Spike was coming back but she dreamt of him often. In her dreams, he was always apologizing about what had happened, his tone full of remorse. Buffy would welcome him in the house with a nod and a smile that told him she knew and understood.

As Buffy lay in bed seven months later giving birth to their child, she screamed, begged, and pleaded for him to be there just so she could kick his undead ass.

“He has missed out on this entire pregnancy!” Buffy screamed as she pushed.

“He should be here. I should be biting him and not you,” she yelled looking at Xander.

Xander who had incurred most of the injuries in the delivery room, silently agreed as he backed away, holding his much bitten arm. For once, he found himself desperately wishing that the “Bleached Wonder” were around.

“It’s ok, Buff. I can help from back here,” Xander called from his place against the wall. Buffy rolled her eyes at him, calling him a “sissy man” under her breath.

“One more push, Ms. Summers,” the doctor announced from his position between her legs. The room got ghostly quiet as Buffy pushed, her face turning red from exertion. Everyone seemed to hold his or her breath until at last a lusty cry was heard.

“It’s a girl!” the doctor said proudly, holding the squalling infant in his hands.

Buffy cried out and smiled, tears slipping silently down her face. The baby girl was cleaned up and wrapped in a sterile blanket by a nurse before being brought to her.

“Hello, little one,” she whispered, smoothing the tuff of white-blond hair from her forehead. The baby heard her mother’s voice and stopped crying. She opened her crystal clear blue eyes and stared at her.

“My God… you look just like your father,” she mused as she pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“Mmm… I know what you are thinking. You want to know what your name is. Don’t you little one? If I was a good mommy, I would have had you named by now… wouldn’t I? Well, how about Katie? Does that work for you? Katie Amber Summers.”

The baby looked up at Buffy and yawned, raising her tiny fist in the air as if to say that was fine with her. Buffy cooed at her child as Katie fell to sleep in her arms.

Buffy watched her baby sleep, her tiny chest rising and falling with each breath she took into her small lungs. She smiled at her little miracle, her vision blurring as tears made their way down her face.

“I promise you, Katie, that I will be the best mommy in the whole world. I won’t let anyone hurt you… ever. I’m the slayer, dammit, and no one touches my baby. I love you, sweetie.” Buffy pressed another kiss to the baby’s head and held her close, promising all the things in the world to her.

*~*

Meanwhile, somewhere on the other side of the world, Spike was engaged in a fighting to the death. His chest and back were scratched and bleeding. His face was bruised, swollen, and dirty. He lay on his back his eyes closed.

“You have endured the required trials,” a chilling voice announced.

“Bloody right I have.” Spike struggled to get to his feet. Finally, he managed to pull himself upright, standing tall and proud. “So give me what I want. Make me what I was, so Buffy can get what she deserves.”

“Very well,” the demon replied.

“We will return your soul!” The demon’s hand shot out and landed on Spike’s chest. Spike cried out as the demon’s hand settled over his chest, the point where its hand lay was glowing bright; Spike’s eyes, too, were glowing as his soul was returned to his body.

*~*

Spike didn’t remember how he managed to get back to Sunnydale. But here he was, two years later, back in his old crypt. Clem had kept his promise and had left the place nice and clean. He had even stocked the fridge with blood and beer before Spike had come home.

Spike had been in emotional anguish since the return of his soul. He was constantly seeing everyone he had killed over the course of his vampire existence, hearing their taunting voices in his head, feeling the pain of their death. He felt remorse for every single person that he had hurt or killed. It was over whelming, driving Spike to the point of insanity. Half of the time, he would be talking to the voices reverberating in his head, scaring the hell out of the people around him.

He went out at night, never straying too far from his crypt for fear of running into Buffy. He didn’t want her to see him just yet…not like this. He wanted to wait until he had the right words and a sane mind to face her. His disgust with himself over what he had almost done to her in her bathroom nearly drove him to staking himself. His pain and anguish so intense that he knew even death wouldn’t make it go away.

He glanced down at himself, disgusted at the dirt and grime that marred his frame. He made his way down the ladder to his bedroom and into the makeshift shower he had. While he was washing his hair, he made a decision that he would see Buffy that night. She didn’t need to know he was there; he just needed to see her and make sure she was ok.

Little did he know things had changed dramatically since he had been gone.

*~*

“Ok, Katie, hold on. Mommy’s coming,” Buffy soothingly called out from her position in front of the stove, where she was quickly warming the baby’s food.

“Mama, Mama?” Katie called as she walked unsteadily into the kitchen.

“Honey, I said I was coming with your yummies,” Buffy said smiling indulgently at her daughter as she reached down and picked Katie up in her arms.

“Kiss,” Katie demanded, puckering her small lips. Buffy laughed and kissed her beautiful little girl.

“Who’s Mama’s baby?”

“Me!” Katie yelled, flinging her arms around Buffy’s neck.

Buffy laughed and finished getting Katie’s dinner ready. Together, they went to the dining room table and sat down, Katie in her high chair. She was 15 months old now and naturally, very curious. She was into everything: things she should be into, but more often than not, things she shouldn’t be into. Buffy chalked up that characteristic to being just like her father.

Katie was the spitting image of her father. Except for her nose, she looked just like him. Her blond hair was getting whiter and whiter making Buffy wonder if Spike even bleached his hair. Her eyes were still that deep blue that would change according to her moods.

She found Katie giving her looks that were so much like Spike that Buffy would start looking for him around the house. Katie would cock her head and say Mama as if she didn’t believe what Buffy was trying to tell her, another Spike characteristic. Buffy would roll her eyes and pick Katie up and swing her around, their laughter ringing through the halls.

Buffy took pictures of everything Katie did and had them scattered in various frames around the house. The living room was literally littered from top to bottom with everything Katie owned. Katie’s new favorite thing was Dora the Explorer and she would watch it religiously. She was afraid of Oobi and didn’t understand how hands could talk like that. Buffy would try to show her, but Katie would end up crying. So Dora it was and boy was it. Dora and Boots was the prominent theme in her house.

The only people home tonight were Buffy and Katie. Dawn was out at a friend’s house. Willow and Tara had moved out and were living together in Tara’s dorm, and Xander was out on a date. Buffy relished the time she had alone with her daughter. It was so amazing to her that she had this little person who was hers. Dawn was her sister, but Katie was all hers. She made Katie, she and Spike. She would gaze upon her daughter’s form while she slept and fall more in love with her with every passing moment.

After Katie had finished dinner, they sat down on the couch to watch a little TV. Katie had dozed off in Buffy’s arms and Buffy put her down on the couch, covering her with a blanket. She was just about to start cleaning the toys when the doorbell rang. She glanced quickly at the slumbering baby and went to the door. She opened it and looked outside.

“Hey, kid,” a man’s voice said, stepping away from the blanket of shadows.

“What are you doing here?” Buffy demanded her eyes adjusting to the sight of Whistler standing in front of her.

“I’ve got the answers to the questions you have been asking.”

Buffy looked at him blankly then it dawned on her what he meant. She took a cautious look at Katie and then back at the half human/half demon.

“Your watcher has been digging through various books looking for reasons why you have gotten pregnant by a vampire. But its not in any books, it wasn’t written or prophesized. Your daughter was made out of love. Whether you wanted to admit it or not, you loved Spike and you still do.”

“Yes…” Buffy breathed.

“You know that wasn’t him in your bathroom, right?” Buffy nodded as Whistler continued. “It was the ‘powers that be’ messing with him, making him look like a monster in front of you even though you had seen through to the real him. You had seen his soul, Buffy, and he didn’t even have one. They wanted to mess with you, to test your love. You didn’t waver Buffy. Do you want to know where he is?”

Buffy shook her head in the negative, her lips mute.

“He has been enduring trials of pain and anguish to win back his soul,” Whistler announced, paying Buffy’s negative response no mind.

Buffy stared at the small-statured man in disbelief.

“His soul?” Buffy barely breathed, the thought had not even crossed her mind.

“He was always different. Even without his soul he had more humanity than Angel ever had. They sent you two vampires, slayer. One you would share young love with. The other you would love eternal. They gave you two and made you decide. You picked the one they never expected you would. You picked Spike.”

Buffy closed her eyes while processing the information she had just received. When she opened them Whistler was gone.

“Damn. Always was a wily fellow.”

*~*

Spike’s heart was reeling at gazed upon Buffy’s form for the first time in almost two years. He had thought that she would see him standing outside her windows while watching her and her daughter. Her daughter, he couldn’t believe it. Buffy had a baby. It broke and warmed his heart all at the same time.

‘Well what did you think was going to happen mate? Things didn’t end too bloody well between us,’ he thought, as he flicked his lighter and lit another cigarette. The flame illuminated his face momentarily. He glanced back up at the house and watched as Buffy stood before her bedroom window staring down at the tree Spike was standing under. Spike gaped at her in the moonlight and before remembering that she wasn’t supposed to see him and darted behind the tree.

Standing in the window, Buffy looked down at the tree, somewhat puzzled.

‘Did I just see Spike?’ Buffy thought, desperately scanning around the perimeter of the tree. Buffy shook her head and closed the curtain, never noticing the amount of cigarette butts littering the tree’s trunk.

*~*

Spike hurried back to his crypt and slammed the heavy metal door. He slumped down in his chair and closed his eyes. If his heart could beat it would have broken through his chest and landed, pounding on the stone floor in front of him.

Spike wondered who the guy was...if he was good to them and treated them right. Would he take them shopping and get them ice cream. If he loved them unconditionally.

Spike got up, grabbing the bottle of scotch next to the TV. He took a swig of the vile liquid and swallowed it, its warmth pouring down his throat.

“I don’t deserve her. I never deserved her. Even with my bloody soul.”

Spike sighed and brought the bottle to his mouth again, intent on making himself sloppy drunk to drown out the screaming of his heart.

*~*

Buffy tossed and turned all night long. Her dreams were filled with Spike and Whistler’s words. It was 6 a.m. when she finally dragged herself out of bed. She called Willow and asked if she would come over and watch Katie, that she needed some air. While she waited for Willow, she threw on some jeans and a pink hooded sweatshirt. She went into the kitchen and was in the process of getting Katie’s breakfast ready when Willow walked through the kitchen door.

“Hey, Buffy.”

“Hey, Will. Thanks for doing this for me. I really need to talk a walk.” Willow looked at Buffy with concern.

“You ok?”

“Uh…yeah. I just need to walk,” Buffy said, shrugging at the look on Willow’s face.

“Spike dreams?”

Buffy glanced at Willow and nodded once.

“Ok..take your time. I don’t have classes today so I can play with Katie all day,” Willow smiled and went to hug Buffy.

“Thanks, Will.” Buffy smiled and hugged Willow back. “I’ve got my cell in case you need me.”

Buffy let go of Willow and made sure she had everything her friend would need before turning to the door and walking into the bright sunny morning air.

*~*

Buffy didn’t have a destination in mind but suddenly found herself standing in front of Spike’s crypt. Her heart started to pound a steady and fast beat as she raised her hand to open the door. She hadn’t been to his crypt since she was 7 months pregnant. She had gone there to see if there were any signs that he had come back, and to get his familiar smell around her. She also wanted to look for something that would comfort her and her baby.

Buffy took a deep breath and opened the heavy door. It swung open with a squeak. Buffy’s eyes adjusted to the darkness of the crypt as she walked in. The only sounds were that of her breathing. Buffy moved deeper into the cement housing and looked around. Nothing was out of place. All appeared to be in order but something seemed different. Buffy could feel it. She could smell a slight trace of the un-mistakable scent that was her vampire. It was stronger than it had been before. She ran her hand along his chair, the material tickling her fingertips. She remembered the last time they had been in the chair. Their naked limbs tangled together as she sat facing him, their lower halves thrusting together.

Buffy smiled and circled the chair, her hands sliding over the fading fabric. Those were the times when she knew she was falling in love with him but fought it so desperately. Not wanting her friends to give her grief over yet another vampire... even though he was everything Angel wasn’t.

Buffy left the chair and headed to the ladder that connected his downstairs bedroom to his main area. She peered down into the dark antechamber. She wanted to go down but knew she would end up sitting on his bed crying. She backed away from the ladder and started for the door. She got to the TV before suddenly remembering. She reached inside her sweatshirt and pulled out a picture. Buffy smiled and put the picture on his TV. Turning around, she gave the crypt one last look and opened the door.

Spike waited until he couldn’t hear her footsteps anymore then finally pulled himself out of the sarcophagus. He had barely made it inside the cement tomb when his door had been flung open. He knew it was Buffy. He seemed he could smell her from miles away. His eyes caught site of something on top of his television and he went to look at it, as if drawn to the object by a magnet.

It was a picture of Buffy and her daughter sitting by his tree and smiling in the bright afternoon light. He held the picture closer to his face so could look at every last detail of the pair. Buffy’s daughter was beautiful. She had slightly curly platinum-blond hair pulled into two small pigtails, and striking blue eyes that – even in the picture – he knew she could look right through him. Her face appeared, at first, unmistakably like Buffy’s – her nose and mouth an exact replica. But her eyes, the shape and color struck something deep within him.

He turned the picture over in his hands and was surprised by writing on the back.

‘Katie Amber Summers
and Mommy sitting under
Daddy’s tree waiting for him
to come home’

Spike blinked and read the caption again. It read the same as it did before, the words un-changing. Spike flipped the picture back over and looked again. His eyes rested on Katie and he began to understand. Her hair was the exact color as his just not as curly. Her eyes were the same shape as his only hers appeared just a tad bluer. Spike didn’t even realize he had started to cry until a tear landed on his daughter’s face.

“I have a daughter!” he said aloud clutching the picture to his chest.

*~*

Spike had decided enough was enough; he had to see Buffy. So there he was, again under his tree, smoking a cigarette and pacing. He looked like a maniac with all his arm and hand gestures. He didn’t realize he was being watched until he felt a hand on his shoulder. Spike jumped and spun around.

“Geez, Red, you bloody well scared me.”

“Sorry, Spike.” Willow looked him up and down, noticing there was something different about him. “How are you?”

“Fine, you?” Spike eyed her cautiously.

“You know me… all goodness and light.”

“Glinda?”

“Oh, she’s good. We are all with the goodness having,” Willow said gesturing to the house.

“Red…”

“Spike…”

They both stopped and looked at each other. Spike gestured for her to go first.

“Where have you been? Buffy’s been really worried about you.”

Spike’s head shot up and he looked at her, trying to decide if Willow was lying.

“I had something to take care of.”

“I sure hope you’re all done. You’ve been gone for two years.”

“T’was important.” Spike took a drag from his cigarette and threw it on the ground, his black boot squashing it into the dirt. They both noticed some commotion in the house and turned towards it as the front door opened.

“Will? You out here?” Buffy’s voice rang out.

“Yeah…” She said, raising her voice so that Buffy could hear. “You coming in?” the last was quietly directed at Spike who was looking longingly at the house.

He swung his eyes towards her and opened his mouth to say something when Buffy called his name.

“Spike?”

Spike’s blue eyes pierced through Buffy as she rushed down the steps toward them.

“Slayer.” He gave a curt nod.

All Buffy wanted to do was run to him, throw her arms around him, and tell him how very much she loved him. But she didn’t, she held off. Willow saw the way they were looking at one another and walked into the house unnoticed.

“When did you get back?” she asked.

“A couple days ago.”

“Oh.” Buffy couldn’t say she wasn’t disappointed but then, after what had transpired between them before he disappeared, she couldn’t really blame him for keeping his distance.

“Do you want to come inside?” Buffy asked touching his arm.

Spike jerked his arm back as if burned. Buffy looked startled and slightly hurt.

“Maybe that’s not a good idea,” He said.

“Oh.”

“We could take a walk though.” Buffy smiled and nodded.

“Let me just tell Willow where we’re going.” Buffy ran to the house and spoke to Willow, kissed Katie, and grabbing a jacket, she ran out to join Spike.

They had walked in silence for the better part of ten minutes, just looking at the ground as they walked, their arms brushing occasionally. They were nearing a small park when Buffy broke the silence.

“Spike..I just wanted to say….I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry? Why?”

“Because of the way I treated you when I got back. The way I was when we were…….I’m just sorry.” Buffy stopped and longed to touch his face but didn’t dare. He was so skittish about her touching his arm she didn’t know what he would do if she touched him again.

“I’m the one who’s sorry, Buffy. I can’t imagine what would have happened…” Spike trailed off, and his eyes lost focus. “If you hadn’t stopped me. I’m the one who’s sorry. I’m so very sorry, Buffy. I’d never hurt you.”
Buffy nodded as her eyes welled up with tears.

“I know. I know..” she whispered, silent tears falling down her face.

Spike moved closer to her and put his hand on her cheek, his thumb wiping her tears away.

“It wasn’t you, you know that right?” Buffy asked him as she unconsciously turned her face to his palm.

“It was like watching a movie. I saw me, but it wasn’t me, all at the same bloody time. I saw everything he…I did and all I wanted to do was rip the head from that wanker’s body.”

“No, I mean it really wasn’t you. The powers that be were messing with you, influencing your demon. You had absolutely no control over yourself and what you were doing.”

Spike pulled back just short of pulling her forehead against his.

“What do you mean? How do you know?”

“That half-demon, Whistler, came to see me a couple of nights ago. He told me all about what the powers that be had planned for me. They saw how you and I were. Saw that I was falling in love with you and wanted to test me. They made you do what you did. They wanted to push me to a point...” Buffy stopped and looked into Spike’s eyes. She wanted to pull his mouth to hers and kiss the very un-needed breath out of him. “To the point where I would kill you.”

“Why didn’t you stake me?” He asked her quietly, silently hoping she wouldn’t answer.

“How could I?” she questioned as she brushed her fingertips along his jaw line. “I love you.”

Spike blinked as though he hadn’t heard her correctly.

“Could you say that again?”

“I love you…William,” she said as she put her hands on either side of his face.

Spike didn’t hesitate this time. He moved his mouth over hers and kissed her softly. He kissed each corner of her mouth before moving back and capturing her lips in a deep kiss. Buffy sighed against his mouth and cradled his head in her hands.

“I missed you,” She breathed into their kiss.

“I missed you, too.” Spike kissed her again and wrapped his arms around her. Buffy melted into his embrace and clung to him as the feeling of his kiss washed through her. They stood in the middle of the deserted park kissing and holding onto each other as though their very lives depended on it.

Spike pulled back and pressed his forehead to hers. Both of them were breathing hard, their breath mingling in the air.

“Never leave me,” Buffy whispered.

“Try and make me,” he responded as their lips met again.

Buffy walked Spike back towards a picnic table, her lips never leaving his. Spike allowed himself to be pushed along. The back of his thighs hit the edge of the table and he sat down, pulling Buffy against him. She was in between his legs as they dangled above the grass. Buffy pressed herself against him, her hands winding up his back to his neck, pressing him closer still.

Spike broke their kiss and pressed his lips to her chin and moved down to her neck. Buffy’s head fell back as his tongue traced the beating of her jugular. She groaned low in her throat, the sound vibrating against his tongue. Spike placed his hand on the small of her back to hold her up while his other hand went to her hip. Buffy was at Spike’s mercy as his hands and mouth moved over her.

Their lips met again and they both sighed, the contact pure bliss. Buffy wanted desperately to feel his skin and tugged the offending black leather of his duster down his shoulders. Spike shrugged out of it and let it fall on the steel table. Buffy gripped the black material of his shirt in her hands as Spike’s tongue began to dance within the hot cave of her mouth.

He broke their kiss and looked at her, his eyes full of lust of apprehension.

“Are you sure about this?” He asked hesitantly.

“More then anything in the world,” she replied tugging his mouth down to her own.

She was glad she had worn her white button-down shirt as Spike’s fingers starting undoing all the buttons carefully. Her skin and bra covered breasts were slowly exposed to his wide eyes. He pressed his face to her chest and breathed in her soft vanilla scent before kissing the valley in between her breasts. Buffy moaned and grasped his head, her fingers running through the well jelled locks of his hair.

“So bloody perfect,” he murmured as his cool mouth closed over her material covered nipple. Buffy arched her back, her breasts pressing against his face. He rolled the hardened peak between his teeth causing multiple gasps from Buffy. He moved his hands around her back, tugging her shirt off and unclasping her bra at the same time.

Her hot flesh tingled as it was exposed to the cool night air. Spike’s mouth moved from one breast to the other, bathing them both in lavish attention. Buffy desperately wanted to touch him, feel his cool, bare skin beneath her fingertips. She gripped the t-shirt in her hands and pulled it over his head. She smirked as her hot little hands moved over her vampire’s cool chest. His nipples already hardened as she flicked them with her well-manicured nails.

Buffy pushed his head back from her breasts and moved her mouth down his neck. She bit his neck with her blunt, human teeth and continued downward, her tongue swirling in circles around his pectorals. Buffy’s hands moved as if they were drawn by a magnetic force towards his black jeans. She caressed the hard outline of his cock through the tight material, eliciting a moan from the vampire.

Spike’s hips jumped as Buffy squeezed him through his jeans. She unbuttoned the fly and slipped to her knees in front of him. She smirked at him as she lowered her hot mouth on his engorged flesh. Spike’s head fell back, his mouth formed in a little “o,” his hands tangled in Buffy’s blond hair. Buffy licked around his swollen head, her tongue diving into the slit before engulfing him in her mouth. Spike fought hard for control as Buffy continued her delicious torment. The feeling of her hot mouth around him clinging and grasping was almost his un-doing.

He gently pulled her off of him and picked her up, her skirt fell open as she wrapped her legs around his waist. He felt her sex hot and throbbing as she was pressed against him. Spike ran his hand up her thigh as he sat on top of the table again. He ran his hand to the apex of her thighs and touched her through her soaked panties. He pulled them to the side and slid a finger along her sopping cleft. Buffy shuddered against his hand, her mouth finding his once again. Her breasts rubbed against his chest as his fingers worked their magic on her pussy. He located the throbbing bundle of nerves and rubbed small circles on it with his thumb.

“Oh… God,” Buffy moaned against Spike’s mouth. “Need you. Need you now.”

Spike wanted desperately to take his time, to make this moment last forever, but upon hearing the urgency in her voice, he found he could not wait a moment longer. He ripped the small scrap that some crazy fool happened to call panties from her body and positioned himself at her opening. Spike broke their kiss and glanced at her.

“Buffy, open your eyes. Look at me,” he demanded as he started to slide his length inside her warmth. Their eyes held as he filled her to the hilt, the head of his cock butting against her cervix. He held himself steady for several minutes, his body getting used to being inside her again, her body getting accommodated to his size and length.

Buffy clung to his shoulders, her nails leaving little half moon marks in his skin as he started to move within her.

“God… only you, Spike. Only you can make me feel this way,” Buffy moaned as he kissed her neck, his body moving with hers. Buffy tightened her legs around his waist and met his thrusts with her own. Buffy felt the urgency in their lovemaking, Spike was trying desperately to hold off but the mere touch of her gave him such pleasure.

Buffy felt the tell tale signs of her impending orgasm and her hands went to the back of Spike’s head. She threw her head to the side in a silent offering of her neck. Spike was reeling; Buffy had never offered him her blood before.

“Go ahead, Spike. I trust you. I love you,” she whispered, her eyes closed. Spike felt his features shift and his teeth grow long in his mouth. He kissed her neck tenderly, careful not to let his fangs cut her. He thrust harder, his body slapping against hers in the moonlight.

“Oh God… Buffy,” Spike growled as he bit her. Buffy screamed and came as soon as Spike bit her, the feeling beyond pleasure, it felt so good. Spike began to drink from her, small pulls of her blood filling his mouth before sliding down his throat. Every pull from his lips elicited another level in her orgasm as her body convulsed around his. Buffy pressed kisses to his neck, her pleasure so great that she bit him hard enough to draw blood, the coppery taste of it suddenly filling her mouth. Spike growled around her neck in shock and pleasure as he felt her teeth sink into his flesh, right before he came, his cock shooting long ropes of cum deep inside her. He pulled his fangs out of her neck and licked his lips free of the few droplets of her blood left on his mouth.

“Mine.” He whispered softly as he licked the wound on her neck closed.

“Yours,” she replied as she continued to kiss the slight marks she had made when her teeth had sunk into his flesh.

*~*

They held each other in the afterglow of their lovemaking until Buffy started to shiver from the cold. Reluctantly, they broke apart to get dressed. Buffy and Spike turned towards one another as soon as they finished, smiling as they ran into each other’s arms. They stood locked together for some time, just relishing the feel of being held by the other again. Buffy’s face was pressed against Spike’s chest, his chin resting on her head.

“I could stay like this forever,” Spike whispered into her hair.

“Me too,” Buffy agreed as she pulled back to look into his blue eyes. “But I have something to tell you.”

Spike raised his eyebrows and nodded at her.

“I have something to tell you, too.”

Buffy gestured for him to start but he shook his head no.

“I found out I was pregnant about 2 months after you had left Sunnydale. The baby is yours; I wasn’t and haven’t been with anyone since you. There was…is no question.” Buffy let go of Spike and sat down on the table. She looked up at him and motioned for him to sit as well. He didn’t say anything, just sat quietly and let her continue.

“I was really worried during the early months of my pregnancy, not knowing what I was carrying. Demon…vampire…” Buffy took a deep breath and turned to Spike. “I don’t know how it happened but we are parents of a perfectly normal baby girl. She isn’t part of a prophecy or some mystical force. She was meant to be ours.”

Spike heaved a sigh of relief and put his arm around her, pulling her flush against his side.

“I watched you the other night. I sat on your porch like a bleeding imbecile and watched as you and your daughter were playing. I had no idea she was mine until I found the picture you left in my crypt.” Spike reached into the pocket of his black duster and pulled out the photograph.

“She’s beautiful, Buffy,” Spike said as he showed her the picture.

“Wait until you meet her. She is perfect and so bright it scares me. She is also a lot like you.”

“Well, I kinda got that from the perfect part of your description.” Spike smirked at Buffy and raised his scarred eyebrow.

Buffy laughed and smacked him lightly on the arm.

“What is it you had to tell me?” She asked.

“I wanted to tell you why I left, and why I was gone for so long.” Spike said. Buffy turned towards him and held his hand in an offer of comfort.

“I went away because I knew I had hurt you. I knew I needed to change things about me. I went to the outer ends of the earth to find a shaman who could help me. He made me go through many demon trials… all of which I passed. He then asked me what I wanted and I said what she deserves and they returned my soul.”

Buffy gasped not letting him suspect she already knew this bit of information. She smiled and looked into the depths of his blue eyes.

“You have your soul?”

Spike nodded.

“God… Spike that’s wonderful! Congratulations, sweetie.”

Spike smiled and reached for her. Buffy went willingly and hugged him.

“I’m so proud of you,” She said as she leaned into kiss him.

“I love you,” he breathed against her mouth.

“I love you.”

*~*

“Are you ready for this?” Buffy asked as she turned back to look at Spike.

Spike nodded that he was and followed her. Buffy walked right through the doorway and into the living room. Spike stopped and stood just outside the door, testing if there was a barrier.

“Spike, you don’t need an invite,” Buffy called from the other room. Spike blinked and walked through the threshold, the black leather coat he was wearing billowing out from his lean legs.

He stopped short of walking into the living room. Directly in front of him were Willow and Katie playing cars on the floor. At that moment, Katie turned to Willow and smirked.

“Will-whow… I told you I good.”

Spike smiled at the sound of his daughter’s voice and quietly sat down next to her. Willow smiled and got up to stand next to Buffy.

“Hi. Want car?” Katie smiled brightly at him and handed him a car. Oddly enough, it was a red mini with England’s flag on the back.

Buffy and Willow watched the pair from the entryway. Buffy smiled as Spike ran the car up Katie’s foot causing her to giggle.

“Who are you?” she asked innocently.

“I’m your daddy,” He replied.

Katie looked at him and smiled. Slowly she got up and went to him. She sat down on his lap and seemed to study him.

“Eyes.” She said pointing to his eyes and then her own.

“Yes, li’l ‘bit, our eyes are the same,” he said as he tucked a lock of her platinum hair behind her ear.

“You my daddy?”

“Yes, Katie. I’m your daddy.”

“I love you, daddy,” she said softly as she wrapped her small arms around his neck in a tight hug. Spike gasped as she held tightly to him, not prepared for her to accept him so quickly, tears falling unheeded down his face as he held his daughter close.



EPILOGUE

“Are you sure about this? It’s forever,” Xander said as he adjusted the white rose that was pinned to Spike’s black tuxedo.

“My god, man, you have got to be the worst best man in bloody history. Of course I’m ready, whelp,” Spike said nervously.

“Ok, ok… I was just making sure. This is a big step, in an eternal kinda way.”

“Hello! Bleeding vampire, here. I think I know how to come to terms with eternal.”

“Are you guys ready?” Willow asked as she walked into the groom’s room.

Spike nodded and turned to Xander.

“Thanks, mate,” he said, holding his hand out.

“You got it, Spike. It’s about time Buffy had her happy ending. It’s about that time for you, too,” Xander smiled and shrugged. “Besides… you promised I could send Angel a copy of the wedding video.”

*~*

The sun was just about to set in the sky as Buffy Anne Summers walked down the aisle in a gown of cream-colored silk. Her shoulders were bare; the sleeves of the gown ending in lace at her elbow, the skirt flowing around her as she held onto Giles’ arm. Spike was lined by Xander and Clem, Dawn and Willow standing beside Buffy. Katie was standing next to her father and holding his hand as she threw her flower petals at Uncle Xander.

Underneath her veil, Buffy’s eyes watered with unshed tears as she gazed at her husband-to-be. Spike’s hands were shaking as he recited his vows he had written. Buffy fought hard not to cry as she voiced her own heartfelt words. They slid their matching silver wedding bands on each other’s fingers and smiled.

“By the power invested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride,” The minister said raising his hands above the happy couple.

“You’re bloody well right I will,” Spike said as he lifted Buffy’s veil. Buffy released a shaky laugh and smiled as Spike pulled her close. As his lips met hers Buffy knew this was it. Love had finally found her.