igood update

Author's Response: thanks!

So glad you updated and can't wait to see what's in store.

Author's Response: thanks, glad you liked it!

good update

Author's Response: thanks!

I must say this story has me hooked, great sex scenes, easy to visualize, and an interesting story lines. And although I am truly jealous that Buffy is having this mind blowing sex with one of the sexiest men alive, I feel she is in la la land. she is 16, he is married and she carries so much emotional baggage from her parents, that it could be so damaging to her because she is so young. I guess I can't see this having a happy ending unless Dru dies (?? , a thought that does not upset me) I also don't understand what feelings, if any, Spike has for Buffy, or is she just his sex toy, in which case I want to slap him. Can our romantic William the poet actually be that callous??
have a great vacation, I will be looking forward to your update and thanks

Author's Response: thanks! glad you're enjoying it. :) she's delusional. as for the rest, you'll just have to wait and see :)

Yes! I am so happy you're getting more positive feedback. You deserve it.

Is Buffy giving so much head as a way to prove her love? Oy, that is so sad. Even at 16, I wasn't all that eager to please. Of course I scared away a lot of guys because of my uptight shrewiness. Typical Virgo.

As for Spike, gawd, he's even more clueless than I thought. Even if he thinks it's just sex for her, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out no woman wants to hear you wax poetical about another chick when you should be focusing all your attention on them. Not good for the self-esteem at all. Wish I could slap Spike in the head on behalf of poor pathetic Buffy. LOL.

Don't hate me, but I really don't want to wait that long for the next update. Darn you for you having a life! *g*

Author's Response: heehee, thanks babe!

yeah, you're right on about Buffy giving head...although I think it's a little more a way to get his attention/affection and prove that she's worth keeping around than to 'prove her love'. and lol, because I'm a virgo too, and from the ages of 16 to err..19? I was the makeout queen and very much like...pffft, blue balls? your problem! man I was heartless...hahaha. good times, oh to be young again.

how can I hate you when you praise me so prettily? I am but a vain creature, after all. I'll be camping in Yellowstone, and I *may* update from the public library, but I doubt I'll have time. but there will be updates galore as soon as I get home!

Buffy acknowledges out loud and to others that she is in too deep: out loud and to others means she's bloody drowning. And then she ignores the impending catastrophe by initiating sex with Spike, thinking that when he is totally focussed on her, then he stops talking about Dru, so ....... Essentially, Buffy is living in blinker land. What she should do is leave her job, extricate herself from all that is Spike. But she is hooked, hooked on the incredible high of passionate sex with a talented lover who is all smiles, compliments and non-judgmental. Advice has been given by her friends - but it's the wrong kind for Buffy, so she doesn't listen. She doesn't have to go home each day, now, so she is continually caught up in, really, a web of her own making. But she's not going to turn out to be the the Black Widow Spider; that vengeful 'delight' is yet to come.

This au pair scenario with the major, kinky twist of the wife's approval is car crash TV - excrutiating, laden with danger, should look away, but compelling and I'll be there next week.

Author's Response: yeah Buffy is definitely living in a fantasy world...and that's exactly how I remember it being when I was 16 and wanted someone I couldn't have! you totally believe and hear whatever you want. heehee, I like the metaphor of car crash tv...whatever keeps you coming back! btw, I don't know if you read the A/N on this one, but I'll probably be disappearing for 2 weeks due to real life stuff...there will probably be nothing new till after June 21.

Whoah - is everybody else sweating too or do I have a fever? I gotta admit there's something bloody hot and 'Lolita' like to this piece that's got me THOROUGHLY engrossed but I have to say - as much as she might feel she enjoys it Dru & Spike, Spike in particular, are just USING Buffy. You can see there'll be no happy ending for Buffy here - Spike LOVES Drusilla and though their marriage may not be monogomous, it IS working for them. What with her apparent history (the part where she talked about how her parents' divorce impacted her was well done btw) and her resorting to using sexual favours to garner Spike's praise and attention (and how important that seemed to her) I fear this experience is only going to scar Buffy in the longterm. ~Looks anxiously to the stormclouds gathering overhead as she crosses her fingers for the ingenue~

Author's Response: heehee, snared another reader
*is evil*

Spike LOVES Drusilla and though their marriage may not be monogomous, it IS working for them.
so glad you feel that way because that was more or less my intention...though it's not the popular opinion here at SR *g*

they are using her. things are gonna get bad. welcome to the ride! glad you're enjoying it so far, thanks for reading and giving me some lovely praise!

I read your story since the first chapter. And total shock for me. It has made me realize that I am more attached to the idea of marriage that I have even thought it possible.

The happy couple Spike/Dru made me think: open marriage, what a sadness...

I am single, but I think that marriage is not only: we are in love, we get married, we fuck legally. It's about respect, duty, building something. Sex included.

Temptation is always here, but the game is, not being never tempted, but being able to resist.

What is the challenge, the interest, if not? Marriage is like life, good and bad days. High and low. And how dealing with it. Confronting problems together makes marriage stronger. For the better and for the worst, like it is said ;)!

And for Spike and Dru... They are married, have a son. Fuck together. And with other people. But with transparency. If they are OK with it, why not. But if they need others people to be satisfied, I think there is like you say in the title, a "hole" in their life. It's not that they have found a perfect solution to stay together. They have only eluded the problem. Push the dirt under the rug.

They are maybe married, but, how prude I am, it's not a marriage for me... It's meaningless, empty.

"Our hearts belong to the marriage" (chapter 2) said Spike. Problem: marriage in my optic, concerns heart and body, both.

Or when he says "He and his dark princess were going as strong as ever. They just marched to their own drum, was all" (chapter 1). Keep on repeating that, boy, and perhaps it will sound convincing. Even to your own ears.

If this agreement is so perfect, why "It had been a while, since he’d had anyone but her" (chapter 1), or "Arrangement was her idea in the first place, I probably would have been fine without it" (chapter 2), and "Fought a lot less after we started up like this, things got tense for a bit" (chapter 2)

And if, in fact, he pretends to accept it, because he prefers to share her rather than lose Dru?

Spike seems a perfect egoistical prick at the beginning. The way he talks about Buffy, "lovely prezzie ", "Best present of that sort you’ve ever given me, Dru. Should have seen". Like she is a whore. A sextoy. Nothing.

Perfect match with his wife. They don't seem to see that they talk about a 16 years young girl. Someone who has feelings, who can be hurt.

Yes, Spike desires Buffy, but doesn't respect her much, at first. But slowly, he is on the way of change. And ends on SEEING her. Not only her body. Not only the pleasure she can give him.

Even if he fells truly in love with her, I think he deserves to know some pain. Because, I can help myself, I think he will make her suffer, if he has not already begun.

I like this chapter, with Faith and Cordelia discovering the truth. What they say, aproving (Faith!) or disaproving the situation, could lead Buffy to ask herself questions. Especially Faith's sentence: "Man, and they pay you. That’s kinda like…”.

Beautiful blonde have a brain too!

So, your story is great, well written, with interesting plot and plus, lead to ask questions... See, I have just discovered that I have in myself a little something of conventional. Odd. But in a good way ;)!

Author's Response: wow, you know even before you got to the last paragraph of your fb, I had decided to take it as a compliment that my fic made you think this much about something so important in life as what marriage means. If something that I write makes someone think or feel, I'll take that hands-down, even if it's not in order to agree with me.

beyond saying that, I'd like to address some of the things you've said more specifically. a lot of the things you've picked up on in Spike and Dru's marriage are actually purposeful flaws that I put in. I agree that an open marriage will never ever work if the people in the marriage are not wholly satisfied by it, if the extramarital sex is not just a bonus. my jury is still out on whether open marriage can work at all, although I really don't have a problem with people doing it. In real life, I *honestly* have a problem with the situation I have presented here (if I saw it on the 5o'clock news, I'd yell at the tv)...a 16yo girl can never be mature enough to deal properly with this particular situation. anyway, this is not real life, it's porn. and I think it's kinda hot in fiction, even though it's wrong in the real world.

Dru's *needing* to go outside the marriage, for example, is for me personally a warning flag that all is not right with their world. and yes, Spike is in denial about this when he tells himself that their marriage is strong. that was intentional. these are both rooted in the fact that Dru is unable to commit (cannonically and here) and Spike...well in cannon I personally think Spike can go either way with whether or not he prefers to be monogamous (cuz you know...vampire), but in my story I have picked out the aspects of his character where he is certainly capable of being happy that way. which he actually says to Buffy in chapter....err, 2? the first time they have sex, anyway.

so what I'm saying is (and I think you've picked up on this) that I did not write this marriage to be an example of what I think is healthy and functional. I wrote it this way because it's cracked, although neither of them quite see that yet. Spike would not be falling for Buffy and he wouldn't behave as he will later on in the fic if his marriage wasn't secure...if he wasn't missing something. so you're right, there is a hole for both of them: Spike and Buffy. I wrote his marriage with Dru this way because it created an interesting situation to play with in fiction. however, I should say this fic will not really be dealing with Spike and Dru's realization that their marriage is broken, (although it's kind of between the lines...you'll see what I mean later, if you intend to keep reading). we don't see that part, because this story isn't about that: this story is about Spike and Buffy's journey.

Spike is not the brightest crayon in the box in this chapter. I think that Dru is just kind of callous when it comes to Buffy (which is again cannonical...I actually hate Dru, but I'm trying to give her a fair showing in this fic. anyway, Spike is not really connecting how young Buffy is with what he is expecting of her. this is sort of the central problem of the whole shebang.

they're both going to be hurt. although, in different ways, because the age gap here is definitely a factor. and I should warn you, things are going to get better between Buffy and Spike, but then this is going somewhere pretty dark....mostly because I think given the ingredients here, things would get really ugly. we already know from cannon that Spike can't turn Buffy away, even when it's not right. so if you're not ok with that, that's your heads up. maybe it will make it easier to know that just cuz I'm writing it, doesn't mean I think it's morally right.

I swear, when I started writing this I just wanted a lovely piece of dirty babysitter porn. it's become a monster of emotional/moral entanglements. I need to learn how to be more shallow :)

You got mail...hopefully. Let me know.

he's going to break this poor kids heart. I hope he winds up hurt instead, and i hate Dru, I read yur answer to one of the reviews where yu say they both wind up alright, but I hate him so much right now that i hope he winds up hurt instead. I like angst, but I like them to have happy endinds too and wind up together although reallistically idon't see that happening in this story. I really got angry when he said "yeah me and the Mrs. have lots of catching up to , hes an insensitive , egomaniacal moron. Now that i got my rant out,can't wait for chapter , keep up good work.

Author's Response: ok first of all....this? "Now that i got my rant out,can't wait for chapter , keep up good work." *literally* made me snark my milk. it was hilarious, because it was the last thing I expected after that spiel.

the ending will probably be kinda choose-your-own-adventure in that you can decide what you want to make of what happens next.

I'm kinda sorry you're so pissed at my Spike, but I can understand why. he's certainly not making good decisions right now. but if I may speak in his defense, his insensitivity is mostly an effort to indirectly warn her off of her developing feelings. he's just an idiot and doesn't realize that's not going to work.

other than that...you know, at least my writing is making you feel *something*. I'll take that and run with it.

good update

Author's Response: thanks!

Well, it' definitly interesting story. But I'm just waiting ti the moment Buffy will break down. I mean it's not normal to share somebody you like/love etc. with another person. I wouldn't stand to have sex with someone and then watch him go with other women. Besides she's only 16 - I'm afraid she's gonna have nemotionally problems. But I'd like tosee next chapters.

Author's Response: I'm glad you are intrigued by it. let me respond to your comments one at a time, since I understand your concerns: I'm just waiting ti the moment Buffy will break down. she will. several times. things are going to get ugly for a while, later, but right now, they're in the honeymoon phase, even though it's clear she' s getting twitchy. I mean it's not normal to share somebody you like/love etc. with another person well I think that as a general rule you can argue "normal" until the cows come home, but I respect your opinion here. I know a few people who pull off open marriages/swinging, but in the circumstances I've set up here, it wouldn't work (which was on purpose, for the angst). you really need all involved to really know the score, and Buffy is just too young. she doesn't really understand how Spike can sleep with her and still love and be committed to his wife. so I think for someone Buffy's age, it *is* not normal. or certainly, not healthy. I wouldn't stand to have sex with someone and then watch him go with other women. then it sounds like you have a healthy self-esteem. brava! too rare in women. and Buffy, although she may have had good self-esteem in the past, is currently in the toilet in this department, poor dear. that's why, even though she doesn't feel comfortable here, she's agreed to this arrangement. Besides she's only 16 - I'm afraid she's gonna have nemotionally problems. she is going to have emotional problems, because she *is* 16. well, 16yo's have emotional problems over *everything*, but here she has a really really good excuse. I won't be glossing over that, don't worry. glad you're going to keep reading despite your reservations! I'm honored that you're giving me a chance. and I hope you end up getting this reply...I don't know if SR notifies people that I have commented back when I do. but I wanted to give you a thorough reply. Thanks!