I read your story since the first chapter. And total shock for me. It has made me realize that I am more attached to the idea of marriage that I have even thought it possible.

The happy couple Spike/Dru made me think: open marriage, what a sadness...

I am single, but I think that marriage is not only: we are in love, we get married, we fuck legally. It's about respect, duty, building something. Sex included.

Temptation is always here, but the game is, not being never tempted, but being able to resist.

What is the challenge, the interest, if not? Marriage is like life, good and bad days. High and low. And how dealing with it. Confronting problems together makes marriage stronger. For the better and for the worst, like it is said ;)!

And for Spike and Dru... They are married, have a son. Fuck together. And with other people. But with transparency. If they are OK with it, why not. But if they need others people to be satisfied, I think there is like you say in the title, a "hole" in their life. It's not that they have found a perfect solution to stay together. They have only eluded the problem. Push the dirt under the rug.

They are maybe married, but, how prude I am, it's not a marriage for me... It's meaningless, empty.

"Our hearts belong to the marriage" (chapter 2) said Spike. Problem: marriage in my optic, concerns heart and body, both.

Or when he says "He and his dark princess were going as strong as ever. They just marched to their own drum, was all" (chapter 1). Keep on repeating that, boy, and perhaps it will sound convincing. Even to your own ears.

If this agreement is so perfect, why "It had been a while, since he’d had anyone but her" (chapter 1), or "Arrangement was her idea in the first place, I probably would have been fine without it" (chapter 2), and "Fought a lot less after we started up like this, things got tense for a bit" (chapter 2)

And if, in fact, he pretends to accept it, because he prefers to share her rather than lose Dru?

Spike seems a perfect egoistical prick at the beginning. The way he talks about Buffy, "lovely prezzie ", "Best present of that sort you’ve ever given me, Dru. Should have seen". Like she is a whore. A sextoy. Nothing.

Perfect match with his wife. They don't seem to see that they talk about a 16 years young girl. Someone who has feelings, who can be hurt.

Yes, Spike desires Buffy, but doesn't respect her much, at first. But slowly, he is on the way of change. And ends on SEEING her. Not only her body. Not only the pleasure she can give him.

Even if he fells truly in love with her, I think he deserves to know some pain. Because, I can help myself, I think he will make her suffer, if he has not already begun.

I like this chapter, with Faith and Cordelia discovering the truth. What they say, aproving (Faith!) or disaproving the situation, could lead Buffy to ask herself questions. Especially Faith's sentence: "Man, and they pay you. That’s kinda like…”.

Beautiful blonde have a brain too!

So, your story is great, well written, with interesting plot and plus, lead to ask questions... See, I have just discovered that I have in myself a little something of conventional. Odd. But in a good way ;)!

Author's Response: wow, you know even before you got to the last paragraph of your fb, I had decided to take it as a compliment that my fic made you think this much about something so important in life as what marriage means. If something that I write makes someone think or feel, I'll take that hands-down, even if it's not in order to agree with me.

beyond saying that, I'd like to address some of the things you've said more specifically. a lot of the things you've picked up on in Spike and Dru's marriage are actually purposeful flaws that I put in. I agree that an open marriage will never ever work if the people in the marriage are not wholly satisfied by it, if the extramarital sex is not just a bonus. my jury is still out on whether open marriage can work at all, although I really don't have a problem with people doing it. In real life, I *honestly* have a problem with the situation I have presented here (if I saw it on the 5o'clock news, I'd yell at the tv)...a 16yo girl can never be mature enough to deal properly with this particular situation. anyway, this is not real life, it's porn. and I think it's kinda hot in fiction, even though it's wrong in the real world.

Dru's *needing* to go outside the marriage, for example, is for me personally a warning flag that all is not right with their world. and yes, Spike is in denial about this when he tells himself that their marriage is strong. that was intentional. these are both rooted in the fact that Dru is unable to commit (cannonically and here) and Spike...well in cannon I personally think Spike can go either way with whether or not he prefers to be monogamous (cuz you know...vampire), but in my story I have picked out the aspects of his character where he is certainly capable of being happy that way. which he actually says to Buffy in chapter....err, 2? the first time they have sex, anyway.

so what I'm saying is (and I think you've picked up on this) that I did not write this marriage to be an example of what I think is healthy and functional. I wrote it this way because it's cracked, although neither of them quite see that yet. Spike would not be falling for Buffy and he wouldn't behave as he will later on in the fic if his marriage wasn't secure...if he wasn't missing something. so you're right, there is a hole for both of them: Spike and Buffy. I wrote his marriage with Dru this way because it created an interesting situation to play with in fiction. however, I should say this fic will not really be dealing with Spike and Dru's realization that their marriage is broken, (although it's kind of between the lines...you'll see what I mean later, if you intend to keep reading). we don't see that part, because this story isn't about that: this story is about Spike and Buffy's journey.

Spike is not the brightest crayon in the box in this chapter. I think that Dru is just kind of callous when it comes to Buffy (which is again cannonical...I actually hate Dru, but I'm trying to give her a fair showing in this fic. anyway, Spike is not really connecting how young Buffy is with what he is expecting of her. this is sort of the central problem of the whole shebang.

they're both going to be hurt. although, in different ways, because the age gap here is definitely a factor. and I should warn you, things are going to get better between Buffy and Spike, but then this is going somewhere pretty dark....mostly because I think given the ingredients here, things would get really ugly. we already know from cannon that Spike can't turn Buffy away, even when it's not right. so if you're not ok with that, that's your heads up. maybe it will make it easier to know that just cuz I'm writing it, doesn't mean I think it's morally right.

I swear, when I started writing this I just wanted a lovely piece of dirty babysitter porn. it's become a monster of emotional/moral entanglements. I need to learn how to be more shallow :)

You got mail...hopefully. Let me know.

"It’s not that his Dru didn’t love the tot, in her way…she just had a short attention span, her mind flitting from one thing to another at an often dizzying rate."

Rereading the chapters, this line caught my attenion. Haha. I love it. That's is so quintessiently Drusilla for you.

"Buffy had always thought there were two categories of hot men. There were your every day hot men, the ones you met and saw in the flesh. You know, the ones whose smiles made your heart beat a little faster, but they still seemed…touchable. And then there were your celebrity hot men, and they were a whole other caliber. They were the swoon-worthy kind you worshipped from afar and never really believed for a second you’d get the chance to lay a hand on. Except in your (very vivid) fantasies."

Oh and that part struck me as kind of meta. Very insightful. So true, at least for me it is.

And no, you can't please everbody, but fwiw, you're pleasing me right now. The plot is really starting to move forward. Can't wait for more.

Btw, ever read Pepperlandgirl's Mr. William? I think your story is following a similar path to that one, in that it starts out as a older man/underage teen pwp and then it takes a turn for the more dramatic. Seems kind of inevitable in these type of situations.


Author's Response: hee! glad you're getting a kick out of some of my particulars. the two categories of men is definitely a working theory of mine :)

"And no, you can't please everbody, but fwiw, you're pleasing me right now. "
I'll share a secret with you: that tickles me pink :)

never read Mr. William, but that kind of stuff is always up my alley. got a link for that puppy or is it on SR?